Oy, oy, oy.
It's been a long 6 weeks! And I currently only have the energy/time for a short post. I will update soon about the past few weeks, but right now I have bigger things on my mind.
Tomorrow I find out IF I Matched (yes, some people don't Match, and then have to go through Scramble...I won't even detail that because I do not want that to enter into my karma), and Thursday I will find out the WHERE. This is literally the biggest week of my life since I found out I got into medical school.
That means right now, this is the last time I will really feel like a "student"...uncertain about my future, jobless, focused solely on getting through school. The next few days open up the doors of the next 3 years of my life. It allows me to plan where I am going to live, who I will get to be around, etc. Just everything.
I haven't had a future until this week. I couldn't really see post-med school until this week. And it is almost real now. My future will get sharper tomorrow (although I am certain I Matched somewhere, so it won't be big news) and will get layed out in full on Thursday. I can move on with my life, into my career and hopefully get on with all the other (more important) things that make me the person I am. I can start becoming the person I want to be. Although I could (and definitely should) have done this while in school, I feel like I have personally been on "pause" for the last 4 years. It is SO time to move on.
I am: terrified. nervous. excited. amazed. proud. relieved. shocked. anxious. Any other adjectives you can think of? I'm sure I feel those too. I'll update frequently during this week. Thanks for sticking through school with me until the end!
3.13.2011
1.22.2011
Eek!
Yup, still alive. Tired from working every day I'm in town, 2 interviews across the country (another later this week), being on call every 3rd night, and generally getting my patootie kicked while at work. I leave for my international rotation in South America in one week, and I have done NOTHING to prepare. This sums up my week:
Sun-Mon on call
Tues work
Wed-Thurs interview
Fri work (homework packet due)
Sat pack
Sun early flight out
I will be out of town for a month, so there is a lot to do before I leave, and with this last interview, working so much, and the homework packet I just got given (20 impossible EKG's) I have NO time to even think about what I'm going to pack until Friday after I get out of work (whenever that is). I need to go shopping for a number of things (ex. knee high rubber boots, antibiotics, etc.) which also has not been done yet.
Perhaps the most nerve wracking is that I have to submit my rank list of the programs I applied to before I leave on Sunday. I will be able to change it if I want before the actual due date late in February, but that hinges on my having internet access while out of the country...something I am not going to bank on. I am pretty sure I know what my list is, but it is very scary to actually have it certified and submitted. That almost marks the end of my medical school education- the only thing looming is The Match. After that, as long as I don't intentionally kill someone, I will graduate and have a job for the next three years. SO scary. I am definitely soaking up these last few months where I can say, "I'm not sure, let me get the doctor for you". Soon, that will be all me. Currently terrifying...potentially exciting at some point. More reflection due soon, but currently I must try to make sense of squiggly lines. Wish me luck!
Sun-Mon on call
Tues work
Wed-Thurs interview
Fri work (homework packet due)
Sat pack
Sun early flight out
I will be out of town for a month, so there is a lot to do before I leave, and with this last interview, working so much, and the homework packet I just got given (20 impossible EKG's) I have NO time to even think about what I'm going to pack until Friday after I get out of work (whenever that is). I need to go shopping for a number of things (ex. knee high rubber boots, antibiotics, etc.) which also has not been done yet.
Perhaps the most nerve wracking is that I have to submit my rank list of the programs I applied to before I leave on Sunday. I will be able to change it if I want before the actual due date late in February, but that hinges on my having internet access while out of the country...something I am not going to bank on. I am pretty sure I know what my list is, but it is very scary to actually have it certified and submitted. That almost marks the end of my medical school education- the only thing looming is The Match. After that, as long as I don't intentionally kill someone, I will graduate and have a job for the next three years. SO scary. I am definitely soaking up these last few months where I can say, "I'm not sure, let me get the doctor for you". Soon, that will be all me. Currently terrifying...potentially exciting at some point. More reflection due soon, but currently I must try to make sense of squiggly lines. Wish me luck!
12.21.2010
Crush
As much as I seriously hate to admit this, I think Kate Middleton is my new idol. If I could dress like her every day I would. I feel like that sums up my style in a nutshell...classic, classy, put-together, not too trendy or flashy, delicate, perfectly tailored...I could seriously go on and on. Unfortunately I will be wearing mostly scrubs in my day-to-day life for the forseeable future and I can't afford all the fancy clothes on a medical student's salary, but for now I have a big girl crush. I can't help it...can you blame me??
12.19.2010
Vacay
Well, it's Christmas vacation...finally! I was so stressed out about my paper that I haven't been excited about it at all. Now after writing 10 pages and using 51 sources in the end, I can sort of relax. Tomorrow I have to drive for another interview, so really Wednesday is when I can let it ALL go and just focus on Christmas and New Year's.
Last rant about my paper, I promise: I found out that the only other girl who is doing this elective right now (and we're the first ones to take it) only used 3 sources for her paper and only had to meet with him 1 time during her 4 week elective (I had to meet with him 3 times in person during my 3 weeks, costing me an additional $500+ in airfare flying cross country to do that). NOT happy, at all. But I can't say anything about it because my professor is a "big guy" in a residency program that will be high on my list...I can't be a complainer before I match there or else I might not match at all!
Now I am going to try to embrace the Christmas season, put school behind me for a few days, and be glad to spend time with my extended family. We'll only be missing my uncle, who is 6 months into his 1 year tour of Afghanistan...come home safe!!
Merry Christmas Season!
Last rant about my paper, I promise: I found out that the only other girl who is doing this elective right now (and we're the first ones to take it) only used 3 sources for her paper and only had to meet with him 1 time during her 4 week elective (I had to meet with him 3 times in person during my 3 weeks, costing me an additional $500+ in airfare flying cross country to do that). NOT happy, at all. But I can't say anything about it because my professor is a "big guy" in a residency program that will be high on my list...I can't be a complainer before I match there or else I might not match at all!
Now I am going to try to embrace the Christmas season, put school behind me for a few days, and be glad to spend time with my extended family. We'll only be missing my uncle, who is 6 months into his 1 year tour of Afghanistan...come home safe!!
Merry Christmas Season!
12.10.2010
Pressure
So many things to update, so little time!
1. My residency interview last week TOTALLY threw me for a loop. I thought for sure my first choice program would be at my home-base, but this last interview was AMAZING. The town is exactly the kind of place I always pictured myself living, where I feel like I really belong; the program has all kinds of cool features (tracks: during 2nd and 3rd year, you get 16 hours "off" a month to pursue particular interests, like toxicology or medical education (totally my thing); scribes: they have a pre-med follow you around and document everything you do while on shift, meaning no documenting/no dictating/way less hassle! This is amazing- documentation is the bane of every doctor's existance); it is close to some of my extended family, etc. It is a program that I would truly brag about being accepted at, and that is very attractive to me. Only downside: I feel that I fit in better with the residents here at home. Not that I don't get along with these other residents; they are very nice. I think it's that 3/4 of them are married and lots have families- they are just in a different place in their lives than I am currently. If I am going to pick up and move far away from everyone I know, I want people who have time to hang out with me outside work! I know that is selfish, but it IS three years of my life here! I am totally torn and very anxious for my upcoming interviews to throw more wrenches in the process.
2. This "reading elective" turned 10 page paper took a turn for the worse 2 days ago. I thought I could write a 10 pager with probably 10-15 sources (journal articles). Oh no. My mentor said he anticipated that I would need to cite 50-60 and that I had to include all of the trials that had been published recently. Whoa. So I did a literature search...1530 articles in the last 10 years only. So what choice did I have? I skimmed through all of their titles, throwing out ones that were definitely not related...that got me down to 620. Then I had to start looking closer at their abstracts (short summaries) to decide if they were worth my time...down to 200. I managed to do all of that yesterday (powered through!). 200 is still WAY too many, so I whimped out and contacted my mentor, telling him that it wasn't realistic to read all of those PLUS write my paper PLUS fly across the country and interview by next Friday, so I had to narrow my paper topic a bit. Luckily he agreed, but now I have to go through the 200 articles I have pulled and throw a bunch more out. Basically I am spending all day/night today doing that. So that means I have to read SO much tomorrow, write a TON on Sunday, and have a rough draft to give to him on Monday (the day I fly out of town til after Christmas). This is SERIOUSLY stressing me out! Luckily, D went out of town so I can hole up in the apartment alone and just pound out the work without any distractions.
3. I only have 5 months and 3 days left until graduation. This is I-N-S-A-N-E. I am not ready for this. I am not ready to leave school behind forever. I am more nostalgic than ever for college. Even though residency is a lot like school still (presentations and tests and assigned reading), I am going to miss school dearly. I am sure once I'm done with residency I'll start working on my BA in Philosophy (something I have always wanted to go back and do). I'll be in school forever!
That's all for now, I need to get back to sorting through articles. The pressure is on in so many ways right now! And I wonder why I have no time for a personal life?!? More on that later...
1. My residency interview last week TOTALLY threw me for a loop. I thought for sure my first choice program would be at my home-base, but this last interview was AMAZING. The town is exactly the kind of place I always pictured myself living, where I feel like I really belong; the program has all kinds of cool features (tracks: during 2nd and 3rd year, you get 16 hours "off" a month to pursue particular interests, like toxicology or medical education (totally my thing); scribes: they have a pre-med follow you around and document everything you do while on shift, meaning no documenting/no dictating/way less hassle! This is amazing- documentation is the bane of every doctor's existance); it is close to some of my extended family, etc. It is a program that I would truly brag about being accepted at, and that is very attractive to me. Only downside: I feel that I fit in better with the residents here at home. Not that I don't get along with these other residents; they are very nice. I think it's that 3/4 of them are married and lots have families- they are just in a different place in their lives than I am currently. If I am going to pick up and move far away from everyone I know, I want people who have time to hang out with me outside work! I know that is selfish, but it IS three years of my life here! I am totally torn and very anxious for my upcoming interviews to throw more wrenches in the process.
2. This "reading elective" turned 10 page paper took a turn for the worse 2 days ago. I thought I could write a 10 pager with probably 10-15 sources (journal articles). Oh no. My mentor said he anticipated that I would need to cite 50-60 and that I had to include all of the trials that had been published recently. Whoa. So I did a literature search...1530 articles in the last 10 years only. So what choice did I have? I skimmed through all of their titles, throwing out ones that were definitely not related...that got me down to 620. Then I had to start looking closer at their abstracts (short summaries) to decide if they were worth my time...down to 200. I managed to do all of that yesterday (powered through!). 200 is still WAY too many, so I whimped out and contacted my mentor, telling him that it wasn't realistic to read all of those PLUS write my paper PLUS fly across the country and interview by next Friday, so I had to narrow my paper topic a bit. Luckily he agreed, but now I have to go through the 200 articles I have pulled and throw a bunch more out. Basically I am spending all day/night today doing that. So that means I have to read SO much tomorrow, write a TON on Sunday, and have a rough draft to give to him on Monday (the day I fly out of town til after Christmas). This is SERIOUSLY stressing me out! Luckily, D went out of town so I can hole up in the apartment alone and just pound out the work without any distractions.
3. I only have 5 months and 3 days left until graduation. This is I-N-S-A-N-E. I am not ready for this. I am not ready to leave school behind forever. I am more nostalgic than ever for college. Even though residency is a lot like school still (presentations and tests and assigned reading), I am going to miss school dearly. I am sure once I'm done with residency I'll start working on my BA in Philosophy (something I have always wanted to go back and do). I'll be in school forever!
That's all for now, I need to get back to sorting through articles. The pressure is on in so many ways right now! And I wonder why I have no time for a personal life?!? More on that later...
11.28.2010
Chugging Along
Well, I guess a month has passed. How is it that when I have more time outside of work/school, I post less? Weird.
My radiology rotation came and went, interrupted by 3 interviews and Thanksgiving. The rotation was easy hours (8-4 M-F), no responsibilities...basically I sat and looked over the radiologist's shoulder all day watching them read films. They were all very nice and tried to involve me, but not much I can do as a student. I am glad I had it as a rotation though, nice and easy and hopefully I learned something.
Now comes some drama. Originally I had the next 5 weeks off for interviews and Christmas. However, I decided last minute to sign up for a "reading elective" (aka 1 hour of reading a day, 1-2 meetings with my mentor = 4 weeks of credit. Sweet!) with an attending at my current first choice EM program, both to learn something as well as hopefully impress them. I laid it out very clearly in my first email that I would not be around very much due to interviews and that if they could be flexible with me, I would love to do this elective. He agreed. I signed up. Then I came to find out that I am expected to meet in person with him at least once a week, read/work about 45 hours/week, and write a 10 page paper. What?!?!?!? I am SO upset about this, basically because this is NOT what I signed up for and if I had known that, I would have asked him to do an informal "reading list/discussion" with me for no credit. However, now that I am signed up, I can't very well back out just because it is a little more work. Alas, I have to spend the next 3 weeks juggling interviews, travel, and all of this work. There goes my vacation!
Interviews are getting to me. They are just fine to go on (although airports and hotels get tiring), but I wish I were getting more offers. After 29 applications, I have gotten 8 interviews, 9 rejections, and have not heard from 13. That is more flat out rejections than I was expecting, and at this point if I haven't heard anything I am not planning on hearing anything. I wanted to go on at least 12 interviews, so this is a bit of a let down. My last ditch effort is to email programs and basically beg for an interview. We'll see how that goes. Frustrating! I still know that everything will work out, but I am getting tired of this process.
My radiology rotation came and went, interrupted by 3 interviews and Thanksgiving. The rotation was easy hours (8-4 M-F), no responsibilities...basically I sat and looked over the radiologist's shoulder all day watching them read films. They were all very nice and tried to involve me, but not much I can do as a student. I am glad I had it as a rotation though, nice and easy and hopefully I learned something.
Now comes some drama. Originally I had the next 5 weeks off for interviews and Christmas. However, I decided last minute to sign up for a "reading elective" (aka 1 hour of reading a day, 1-2 meetings with my mentor = 4 weeks of credit. Sweet!) with an attending at my current first choice EM program, both to learn something as well as hopefully impress them. I laid it out very clearly in my first email that I would not be around very much due to interviews and that if they could be flexible with me, I would love to do this elective. He agreed. I signed up. Then I came to find out that I am expected to meet in person with him at least once a week, read/work about 45 hours/week, and write a 10 page paper. What?!?!?!? I am SO upset about this, basically because this is NOT what I signed up for and if I had known that, I would have asked him to do an informal "reading list/discussion" with me for no credit. However, now that I am signed up, I can't very well back out just because it is a little more work. Alas, I have to spend the next 3 weeks juggling interviews, travel, and all of this work. There goes my vacation!
Interviews are getting to me. They are just fine to go on (although airports and hotels get tiring), but I wish I were getting more offers. After 29 applications, I have gotten 8 interviews, 9 rejections, and have not heard from 13. That is more flat out rejections than I was expecting, and at this point if I haven't heard anything I am not planning on hearing anything. I wanted to go on at least 12 interviews, so this is a bit of a let down. My last ditch effort is to email programs and basically beg for an interview. We'll see how that goes. Frustrating! I still know that everything will work out, but I am getting tired of this process.
10.30.2010
Lighter
On a lighter note: a patient's friend asked me if I was Miss Arizona when I walked into the room the other day. Thought it was pretty funny. Vets always say the darndest things.
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