Chilling

It's been nearly a month and if I hadn't tried really hard, I would not have remembered what I last posted here. Well, in the end it all came rushing back. I was referring to Shaun, who I hope is adjusting to being single. It was both hard and easy and well, I don't blame him for resenting me for it.

These past weeks were all, school, work, shopping and Chilling. Thank You H. It's been much needed and appreciated. Thanks to Roxx too. She's been a blessing. I think I went through all the emotions that can possibly exist in my heart and in my mind. Let me just say it's not all that fabulous.

I like where I am now though. It's a new lease all over again. I get to do what I want within reason and the thrill of turning 18 has not worn out. It's been such an eye opener. The only problem is that I'm expected to grow up, be more Mature, and yet I'll smile my silly smile and hold on to all the little things that I loved since I was little.

I still love presents, big and small,( I love it more when it's a surprise,)
I love sweets and chocolates.
I love balloons and cartoons.
I love my stuff animals and I have to have them near me when I sleep
I love the smell of rain
I love playing in the rain
and I think I have some sort of touch dependency.

I miss the people I havent seen in ages, Char and Vanessa, Fad, Raksha, Syahmi, Don and so many others. All I can do now is countdown the 4 more days til my holidays.

Oh and did I mention my new obsession?
http://www.coach.com/content/product.aspx?product_no=10356&category_id=414

Hate That I Love You

As much as I love you
As much as I need you
And I can't stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile?

But you won't let me
You upset me
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget (that I was upset)
Can't remember what you did

But I hate it...
You know exactly what to do
So that I can't stay mad at you
For too long that's wrong

But I hate it...You know exactly how to touch
So that I don't want to fuss.. and fight no more
Said I despise that I adore you

And I hate how much I love you boy
can't stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you
I hate that I love you so

You completely know the power that you have
The only one makes me laugh

Said it's not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I... love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain't right

One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
And your kiss won't make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

As much I love you
As much as I need you
As much I love you
As much as I need you

And I hate that I love you so
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need you (can't stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go (but I just can't let you go no..)
And I hate that I love you so

Love

Not everything is put infront you, nothing is as it seems. Everyone puts up fences to hide hurt and suffering. When you know someone well enough or if you want something bad enough, you tend to find a way. It's hard to trust instincts and when your head gets in the way, the heart closes and somehow bleeds. To remind you it's there.

This is the second time, and now there's no turning back. Why is it that when I'm alone, I can think of all the reasons why I should go and never look back, but when I hear your voice or see your face, it makes me miss you and never want to leave?

Now I'm here alone missing you and more than anything I wish I could take the last hour away

I love you, but not as much as you love me. I would do almost anything for you, but you'd give your life in an instant for me. How can I carry on lying to you, to myself, to everyone else. You're too good for me, you, whose character never fails to humble me. Somehow, you could put aside all your anger, all your sadness and frustration just to make me smile and all I knew how to do was scowl and throw a tantrum. Sometimes, I wish I could be like you, feel the way you do, and see myself the way you do. I think you see something so much more than what I am. You see me through those rose-tinted glasses and for all that I do, you're the only one holding on.

I never deserved you, but yes, you in all your simple ways taught me the biggest lesson. I see it in you, and when I think I'm close to it, I'm reminded just how far away I really am.

You taught me love, in it's harshest form.

There are no bigger words than 'Thank You' or 'I Love You' but even these seem so insignificant. It can't erase the hurt I'm causing you, can't take away the guilt that eats at me everyday. There is nothing I can say to make this go away.


I think you can do much better than me,
After all the lies that I made you believe.
I told myself I wont miss you,
But I remember, what it feels like beside you.
I think you can do much better than me

dance

you called me over

took my hand

with a smile

we started to dance

you looked at me

I dont know why

I averted my eyes

you made me shy

your hand on my waist

one hand in mine

we danced closer

keeping in time

you held me tight

leaned in for a kiss

that at first I denied

this forbidden bliss

now I smile

at the memory that was

for that night

I was yours

Birthday Photos!!!
BOOOOOooo, it's over. It totally flew by. NO FAIR! I want to stop time! I want to stay 18 forever.
I got a cake and roses!
I have to say it was amazing and I was so punked. Shaun and Fad totally had me believing that no one was coming on friday night, and they surprised me with a cake and everything on the roof of the esplanade.
To top off the weekend, my parents had a party for me so I would get to see all my family too.
I couldn't be happier or luckier.

4 DAYS!!!

I have it, I finally finally have it. My Sony T200 digicam, with the touchscreen. Wheeeeeeeeeee! it's red, an awesomely gorgeous red. I havent used it at all cause I want to open it on my birthday. It's my awesome birthday present to myself. Hehe, if I don't love me the most then who will? It feels soooo goood to know I paid for it in full and it's all mine.

my rules are basically,

1. no one touches the camera unless i say so and under my supervision.
-hands have to be clean and dry
-no touching the touch screen and leaving prints
-no dropping the camera
-no taking pictures unless I'm around
-no changing of any settings

2. No Borrowing under any and all circumstances.

I know i seem like a scrooge but i saved for MONTHS and this camera is LOVEEEEE!!! it's the jewel of all my stuff and this is something I'd guard completely from any 'danger' . It was the greatest adventure getting it. We must have looked into any store for the best deals. Sony is selling it currently at 699 before gst. I managed, (thanks mostly to my mum and dad) to find a store and purchase it for 589 before gst, and let me tell u it is perfect. It is the most amazing thing I ownand the most extravagant present I've ever had, from me!

I refused to let anyone take the first picture. I intend to open it on my birthday and take the first picture with my family, because they mean the most. Doesn't mean they get to touch it either. =)

Fish & Co

Went out with my workmates on Sunday. They have got to be the silliest bunch but we had an awesome time. I'm lazy to post the details so I'll direct u to this blog. Amiroooooollllll has all the details and the most embarrassing story. Can't believe I was that blur. HEHEhehehehe! (sorry amirool but ur cam makes the pic kinda...urgh) =))))

AHAHHAHA!!! someone didn't fast!!! Fried mars bars and Calamari.

AmiCool

Aqilah loveee

Presents!




L-O-V-E