Bintan Babyyy~

Following the series of stressful events as written in the previous post, i decided to go for a quite impromptu trip to Bintan, Indonesia with the girls as i took almost a week off from work to both compose & relax myself plus make time for annoying doctor appointments.

I could never pull off as a beach babe, thus being a beach bum will do!

 

There wasn't much to shop at Bintan since i felt that the prices were almost equivalent to Singapore. Plus, i swore i got headaches counting the money whilst looking at the what seemed never-ending '0' 

Since i would never ever continue my license, this would do!

my pretty girls @ Bintan

Plus, i had my first spa experience. However, it seemed as though i was a little too comfortable being exposed. HAHA!

back on my two feet

It's been ages since i wrote a good entry. I have tons of things to bring forward in my head and mind however, the head's so messy that it spins before i could untangle the pieces of information. But i shall now try to do a quick one before i get back to lazing and dreaming with my eyes open.

It's no surprise that the health hasn't been top notch condition. A couple of weeks back, i swore i almost broke down going through quite a few blood tests within a week. Waiting for the test results were nerve wrecking. I knew that something was amiss but since i wan't a medical school graduate, i wasn't too sure. True enough, i happen to have surprisingly low white blood cells in my body leading to the low immune system. Not suprisingly, my blood pressure was low. I've been having low blood pressure ever since i was around 16-18 years old.

That also seem to explain the mysterious huge ugly bruises that kept appearing in unlikely places on me such as my arms, thighs, back and hineys. Initially, before the test results that took longer than usual, the doctor wanted to send me for counselling sessions thinking that i might be hiding an abusive boyfriend who might be causing all those bruises on my body. In response i rolled my eyes telling the her that i'm definitely not one of those stupid girls, am boyfriend-less and i honestly haven't been dating for the past say, 3 months. She actually raised her eyebrows putting on an amused look on her face after my words to which i glared back at her.

Worst, the doctor advised me to be treated almost immediately after the test results were out. I think the doctor was too far fetched telling me that any lower in white blood cells in my body, i could risk more life threatening disorders in my body. Apparently, all these were due to the high levels of intense stress i've been facing for the past few months to which i wouldn't deny a single bit.

After some thoughts and discussions with the family, i decided to opt for a more natural and traditional treatment, plus plenty of rest. So far, it's working well; most of the ugly bruises are gone, the flu and cough bugs don't pay me a visit every single week and i even gained back the weight i lost, to a normal 45kg for me who's standing at 159cm tall. Alhamdulilah.

Nevertheless, i'm blessed to having the amazing family and friends by my side who prayed and wished me well during this perhaps time of difficulty for me. Thank You ♥  (though i was quite down that some of closest friends weren't there for me or perhaps didn't even take notice of my hiatus as i would have been for them)

I used to love writing, practically about anything under the sun. But nowadays with work and other stressors in life, i just feel lost and can hardly find time to just sit, reflect and write. Probably it has something to do with this quarter age crisis or that i have go on a journey to seek inner peace within myself.

I hope it's not too late to wish Eid Mubarak to all my Muslim friends <3 br="br">

Painting the town red with the family, hehe!

Trust me, i myself have no idea where i found the guts to dye my hair in this burgundy-ish red colour

The long haitus

I expected my blog's stats to plunge due to the hiatus but very surprisingly it did not. It seems that i still have my loyal readers from France and Canada, the same ones who's been spamming my Whatsapp demanding for a rationale reason of why i decided to take a break from blogging.

In truth, i've typed out tons of posts but just didn't have the guts to click the post button after it's completion or maybe time to actually complete what i consider a good post.

Perhaps soon, when i get the tangled messy head straightened out.

the sensitive doer

Over the years, i admit and realized that i've changed; from an extrovert to an introvert. Perhaps it's an age thing. Once upon a time, i was the sort that fancied being a center of attention and being heard, verbally. However, these days i'm more of the sort that would step back to listen and  accumulate the sea of thoughts in my head, waiting till it's ready to flow out beautifully, more in the form of writing than verbally. On top of that, i always dreamily dreaming in my world of abstract thoughts.




Sensitive Doers like you are gentle, modest and reserved persons. You cope well with everyday life (i've been asked countless times how i handle several situations all at once, step up in time of crisis & yet have the time to enjoy a free spirited life with my loved ones; mind over matter) and you like your privacy. With your quiet, optimistic nature, you are also a good, sought-after listener and other people feel well in your company. All in all, your type is the most likeable and friendliest of all personality types. Tolerance and your regard for others distinguish your personality. You are very caring, generous and always willing to help. (well, sometimes too willing, unfortunately) You are open to and interested in everything that is new or unknown to you. (DEFINITELY! i'm a closet thrill junkie!) However, if your inner value system or your sense of justice is hurt, you can suddenly and surprisingly become forceful and assertive. (i've been told so too)

Sensitive Doers enjoy the comforts life offers to the full. You are very happy in everyday life. Sensitive Doers like you are often gifted artists or very good craftsmen. Creativity, imagination and an especially keen perception are just a few of your strong points. You are very presence-oriented; long-term planning and preparations do not appeal to you. (i've tried to plan long term and stuff, but it never seems to work for me) You take life as it comes and react flexibly to daily demands. You do not like too much routine and predictability. Your talents come more to the fore when work processes are variable and there are not so many rules. You like to work alone; if you are part of a team, you do not get involved in competitive or power games and you prefer living and working together harmoniously and openly. (spot on, these days the only person i compete with is myself)

Your type, although belonging to the introverted Doers, is also the most amiable and friendly in his dealings with others of all types.This special combination is the reason for your great flexibility. It enables you to work excellently and contently on your own to suit any situation, but also achieve extraordinary popularity and professional satisfaction as a member of a team. ( i didn't realize it but after several people mentioned it to me, well i guess it's true) Here the precondition is a friendly, collegiate environment characterized by harmony and mutual respect.

You need a working environment without intrigue or political manipulation, and with the least possible deployment of elbows. (i just hate being stifled!) Cooperation rather than confrontation, should be the order of the day. (i don't like to confront nor argue unless necessary, when it's harming others) Colleagues as well as superiors equally appreciate your unassuming, congenial nature and your unbelievable sensitivity plus your attentive and generous ways toward others. In your presence, people simply have to be comfortable; you are not competition oriented, whatsoever. (only with myself like i've said) You are almost limitlessly tolerant and always prepared to accept others as they are (everyone is entitled to their own opinion). As a consequence, you very rarely have problems getting along with different people. (true, if i do, i just leave them alone) The only exception: when your private value system is hurt or you notice injustice somewhere. In that case, you can react quite forcefully but even in the most heated dispute you always try to argue respectfully and fairly. (if i'm wrong, i'll always go back and apologize, even if it takes time)

Therefore it is very important that your work is compatible with your (high) values and ideals. In the long term, it is not satisfactory to just do any job with the sole objective of finding money in your account at the end of the month.  You need the feeling of being able to totally identify yourself with your job, and to fully support whatever it is that you do every day. Ideally, your usually more practically- than theoretically-oriented activity provides you with tangible results. Then you can walk home at night feeling that you made the world just a little bit better than it had been in the morning - preferably for another human being. (that's why i'm an early childhood educator yo! i aspire to make a difference to these young children)


Check out http://www.ipersonic.com/ for your very own!

bade goodbye to civilian life lil bro!

Today, I finally experienced what it feels like to send off a loved one; my younger brother off to his conscription, or in other words his National Service with Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) or also known as the 'army', which he'll be undergoing for the next 24 months. (I apologise for the use of these bombastic terms, I believe that there are a few of my friends who are reading this from the other corner of the world and are probably not familiar with the local terms)

I took the day off work on a busy day just to send him off to Pulau Tekong, the island off Singapore shores where he'd be undergoing his Basic Military Training. Together with mum and dad, the four of us along with other enlistees with their own loved ones, rode the shuttle bus to the SAF Ferry Terminal followed by a boarding a ferry to get to the island which is approximately 15 minutes away. Along the way, I attempted to feebly poke fun at him and I think he was just being nice when he gave out those little laugh.

As soon as we were separated, we were given a tour around the premises; his bunk and such. They weren't that bad but I believe the people in charge up there were just downplaying every single thing. I've got a few close male buddies who have just completed their two years, and trust me every single time i'm out with the bunch, the highlight is always grumbling or stories about army life. Plus whenever I tried to butt in with thoughtful remarks, I'd just get laughed and they'll mess up my hair like a little kid who-doesn't-need-to-know-these-kinda-stuffs.

So after their oath taking, customary singing of the National Anthem and stuff, we got to eat lunch together before they bade their goodbyes and finally get a taste of 'military hell'. I actually cried when he said his last goodbye and hug to me while my parents laughed sneered at me for it. You see, he's my only sibling and we're close. He's there for me, well most of the times. I still remember that whenever I'm overseas, he'll be the one who would endlessly try to contact me, unlike my parents (because they think I'm independent enough) Plus the times I pour buckets of tears whenever I had a really bad break up and I found joy when he threatened to break the necks of those jerks (he didn't do so, i think). I'm especially gonna miss having him around home to poke fun, argue and talk nonsense at home.

Mum was mean commenting to Dad that I should be the one shipped off for National Service (see how they have favourites in my family). Seeing that I was awarded NAPFA Silver without training, able to clock on average 9.5 minutes for 2.4km run (no joke, i usually jog with buff dudes to pace myself these days) and that I was from a uniform group and have sure went through weeks of mini hell during my NCO and Sergeant courses a few years back.

Now I'm looking forward on how fit (and no longer fat or chubby) he'll be when he comes home after 2 weeks!

Polaroid

i'm contemplating of getting my own Polaroid. wide smiles and cheeky poses, that's what you get from me when there's a ton of great company at a tiny simple cafe and a whole lot of love from the mon amiesss!

young workaholic

Earlier last week, mon amie texted me along the lines of 'Are you dead or something?', to which i had a good laugh at before i went into a deep self reflection. The past few weeks has been crazily crazy with working overtime for two weeks back to back and on top of that, bringing home work the size of Mount Everest. Thus, with all that i was dead exhausted  and hit the sacks as early as 8pm, that is after i speed through the take-home-work, dinner and shower. I had to nudge off the social life for a bit; which is very unlike me.

I'm quite a social butterfly, you see. I simply love hanging out at simple cafes or restaurants with friends or friends of friends and engage in deep hilarious talks about the most random topic under the sun (or moon, haha!) It's like the perfect way for me to unwind myself (besides a good deep slumber that is). Furthermore, i have yet to come across my significant other, (after this long losing end streaks of miserable dating) thus, i'm not sacrificing quality relationship time to work. Dear significant other, please grace your presence into my life soon :P

graduands

The little younger brother has officially graduated with Diploma in New Media. Congratulations, trust me i'm so proud of you. Mum made me swore not to let out a single peep about comparing my academic results, grade point average and non-academic achievements when i graduated last year to his, to which i dutifully agreed too. There were times that bro confided me about the burden of having to live up to my standards in my world of academia and sporting, but then i always remind him how our parents have different set of expectations from the both of us; that he's the lucky one that gets to be showered with pamperings with the littlest achievements where else when it comes to me, i have to work very much harder to squeeze out the same treatment. That's life between the elder and younger sibling i guess.

Anyway, now mum and dad have both their children as successful diploma graduates. Next step, shipping the brother off for conscription of National Service in merely a few weeks time!

2012

2011

experience freedom

The thrill junkie within me is just dying to have a go at one of these. Of course, i'd would want to have a go at tandem flying first. Wouldn't it be so cool to jump from a great height and admire the spectacular breathtaking view of the surroundings as the wind caress my cheeks (perhaps more of slapping my cheeks since were falling fast towards gravity, but more of a cooling slap. right, i don't seem to make sense)? However, i might have to work on not shutting my eyes while i jump, these kinda things are kinda like reflex for me at times, hehe! 

Also, not forgetting experiencing freedom. I could almost imagine breaking free from the chains.

Speaking of chains, my mum would probably chain me up at home rather than having me flying off alone to maybe Australia's Byron Bay for this experience. Pleading my mum for the green light to skydive is already a chore, thus convincing her to let me sit on a plane and travel alone to do skydiving might just erupt a World War 3, haha! I'll have this figured out soon enough though ;)

Crayon The Movie

I know i've been excessively raving about the existence of this movie ever since i first caught a glimpse of it's promotional advertisement at a movie theater in Kuala Lumpur when i was having a vacation with my friends approximately two years ago. It's a Malaysia-Singapore collaboration movie however unfortunately somehow it was never released here in Singapore. I fell immediately fell in love with the story line soon after i read it. The movie bring forward awareness of the adversities that an orphanage under a non-profit organisation face, emphasizes on the importance social responsibility and benefits of social integration with a sprinkle of good old puns. Plus, i somehow love the transparency of social conservatism.

This also reminds me fondly of  how much i miss Yasmin Ahmad's so called 'highly controversial' movies and commercials; my definite favorites being Muallaf (The Convert) and Talentime. The region somehow lacks of such movies of great quality in terms of a storyline with humanity and heart and perhaps also great casting. I'm very much looking forward to the second installment of movie after this Crayon The Movie. Did i mention that the movie was one of the first movie from around the region to be eligible to be nominated for the 2010 Oscars?

So finally, after numerous attempts to watch this movie, it was finally screened on Disney Channel today and the movie didn't disappoint me. I kinda sniffed quietly (since i didn't want to be ridiculed by mum and dad) towards the ending of the movie too. The only turn off was the poor dubbing, i would love to watch the original version since somehow the dubbing defeats the purpose of the jokes and puns in Malay, Mandarin or Hokkien.

Plus, did i mention i kinda have a crush on one of the good looking protagonist which i have been habouring a crush on eversince his role on Talentime & Chocolate? Hon Kahoe, meheheh!

narcissism

soul mates

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.  

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. 

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life..."― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

wonder where's mine, humphh

just sick of being sick

Yet again, i'm on medical leave from work, just a little bit longer than usual, thanks to the badly messed up body system (more specifically, the troubled throat). Ironically, the doctor concluded from blood testsand such that i have a pretty good immune system (ever since years back). However, it seems that these days i don't seem to be able to manage stress too well, thus easily fall to being the victim of common flu and such.

With those stuffs aside, i have yet to get over this quarter life crisis that i am facing. Fortunately, amazing friends, whom even though i've just quite recently met and are probably world's apart, have been pulling me out of this endless drive of despair by bringing me out to see the world, meet new people and such as soon as i end work, even if it's only for a little while. Additionally, upon receiving the news by word of mouth that i seem to be off my track, Hafiz actually sent me an e-book entitle Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (no, i have yet to watch the movie version) He even included side notes of pages consisting those good-old-smack-your-head-nuggets-of-wisdom insisting that it might help me with my 'path of discovery'. Sometimes i feel that this Hafiz is a woman trapped in a gorgeous man's body with all his wittiness and passion that i've come to know for the past 7 years.

“You’re a powerful woman and you’re used to getting what you want out of life, and you didn’t get what you wanted ..........  and it’s got you all jammed up..... Life didn’t go your way for once. And nothing pisses off a control freak more than life not goin’ her way.”

And somehow, though i very much want to deny this, stomping my foot like a little spoilt brat throwing a tantrum, i must say this might just be what i'm facing now.

rest that ambiguity

People think we had a love-hate relationship. Well, I did not love him, nor did I hate him. We had mutual respect for each other, even as we both planned each other's murder.

The Quarter Life Crisis

Quarter-life crisis; it's a term coined by mid-life crisis analogy. It's somewhat one experiences it due to the stress of becoming an adult; entering the 'real world'.

All the signs were dancing right smack in my face but i couldn't see it; or rather perhaps that i simply refused to see nor even acknowledge it. I'm probably in denial because i was raised to be a very independent young woman ( & plus where i'm instructed told that a depression is almost forbidden or even a taboo to occur at such a young age), even the addition of responsibilities that doesn't really bother me much, thus my coming of age to 21 merely two months ago just seemed like any other increasing figure in life.

At first, i couldn't put a finger into what was causing all this sudden unnecessary messed up drama in my life, sending me downward spiraling into this bottomless pit of depression. The past few weeks or even months have been somewhat excruciating; being bombarded by an array of emotions in confusion. If you noticed, i even stopped writing posts here. I keep beating myself out (metaphorically, of course) for being such a fiasco in life. Something was wrong somewhere with me, but what is it that has been sucking the soul out of me for the past few months?

i need to see the world

In times like this where i feel as though that i'm going to cave in the downward spiral of depression due to i-actually-have-absolutely-no-idea-of-what-exactly, i think it's time for me to step out and see the beautiful world.

it's not the end of the world Liyana

The brain is jammed with work and emotional stressors these days; one affects the other you see. As a result, beneath the cheery smiles and grins, my hair seems to be falling out at quite an alarming rate, yet again. One could usually tell that i'm stressed out by looking at the floor or my room or just recently, at my workplace too; no one else at my workplace has long tinted wavy hair. But don't worry, i seem to be a master at getting back on my feet in no time. I've got good friends to knock back the sense into me anyway ;)

when tears dry, pick yourself up, forgive and move on.