ok, i'm attached
ok, it happened on the 27th, accepted him...hmm, really blessed to have him around and apollo, my dear doggy..well, i really don't know if i can get use to being attached but i will try my best to be a good girlfriend. I know i have my own temper and often my mood changes very fast. really hope he can have some patience with that...dk what to say too...shall abruptly end this post here
recently had been terrible
hmm...where should i start with?
so much going on in my mind...church, family, relationship and friends.maybe i will start with church..can't really call myself a devote christian or a faithful one..admited that i backslided and i actually feel very bad about it. really wanted to go back but i know i have to give up alot of things. its hard you know..so just want to tell my friends that if your thinks that im not fit to call myself a christ follower, pkease forgive me..cause i am a sinner and no christians are perfect. i know people often think christians are god crazy people and they are scary, but truthfully, everyone have a passion for something. its not that they are crazy or irritating. but its the service in their heart which wants to feed the desire.
and my family, hadn't really been talking much to dad and mum after the last quarral, well, cause i have abit of unforgiveness which i was telling myself that i must let it go cause i love them. started to open up a little like telling them that im on my way home etc. hope everything go well again..cause i really think i'm pretty unfilial. i really want to give them a better life in the future..will work hard in my designing adventure..
hmm...towards relationship wise..my love life was a pretty complicated one but now, i really want it to be simple. I admit i liked a friend of mine few months back..our relationship was a complicated one. i have to put on a mask when i am with him and his friends or my classmates..i feel sour inside you know...=( he said he have his own reasons in doing things...but he refuse to tell people...often when i say i have my own opinion in the end, a quarral will break out..always...whether in school or at home..=(
many people are concern about my relationships and all, just to say, i have given a guy whom loved me a chance..haha..he wooed me for about 1year and the half. but i had been rejecting him like he is a rubbish...finally i decided t give him a chance but i have to lose that friend of mine..i really feel terrible...why can't we still be friends?he told me that he want me to open up my eyes to notice the people around me.but when i gave the guy who wooed me a chance to know each other more as a friend, he quarralled with me...why is that so?=(...he didn admit that he likes me...but anyway, just wanna tell my friends, i'm seriously considering if i should go into a relationship with the guy who wooed me...lets see how is he going to propose to me loh..haha...well, i know there won't be anymore fooling around and less going out one on one with guys if i accept him...its just my commitment if i really accept this relationship...
well, friends, i know you are worried if this guy is out there to cheat on me or fooled me due to my past failed relationship...6 relationships, 5 guys ditched me...well, i certainly hope he is different from the others..and i can assure you guys who cared, i'm getting stronger and tougher everyday cause i know there are people who cares and support me, and they are willing to stand by me..i appreciate you guys and girls.
so much going on in my mind...church, family, relationship and friends.maybe i will start with church..can't really call myself a devote christian or a faithful one..admited that i backslided and i actually feel very bad about it. really wanted to go back but i know i have to give up alot of things. its hard you know..so just want to tell my friends that if your thinks that im not fit to call myself a christ follower, pkease forgive me..cause i am a sinner and no christians are perfect. i know people often think christians are god crazy people and they are scary, but truthfully, everyone have a passion for something. its not that they are crazy or irritating. but its the service in their heart which wants to feed the desire.
and my family, hadn't really been talking much to dad and mum after the last quarral, well, cause i have abit of unforgiveness which i was telling myself that i must let it go cause i love them. started to open up a little like telling them that im on my way home etc. hope everything go well again..cause i really think i'm pretty unfilial. i really want to give them a better life in the future..will work hard in my designing adventure..
hmm...towards relationship wise..my love life was a pretty complicated one but now, i really want it to be simple. I admit i liked a friend of mine few months back..our relationship was a complicated one. i have to put on a mask when i am with him and his friends or my classmates..i feel sour inside you know...=( he said he have his own reasons in doing things...but he refuse to tell people...often when i say i have my own opinion in the end, a quarral will break out..always...whether in school or at home..=(
many people are concern about my relationships and all, just to say, i have given a guy whom loved me a chance..haha..he wooed me for about 1year and the half. but i had been rejecting him like he is a rubbish...finally i decided t give him a chance but i have to lose that friend of mine..i really feel terrible...why can't we still be friends?he told me that he want me to open up my eyes to notice the people around me.but when i gave the guy who wooed me a chance to know each other more as a friend, he quarralled with me...why is that so?=(...he didn admit that he likes me...but anyway, just wanna tell my friends, i'm seriously considering if i should go into a relationship with the guy who wooed me...lets see how is he going to propose to me loh..haha...well, i know there won't be anymore fooling around and less going out one on one with guys if i accept him...its just my commitment if i really accept this relationship...
well, friends, i know you are worried if this guy is out there to cheat on me or fooled me due to my past failed relationship...6 relationships, 5 guys ditched me...well, i certainly hope he is different from the others..and i can assure you guys who cared, i'm getting stronger and tougher everyday cause i know there are people who cares and support me, and they are willing to stand by me..i appreciate you guys and girls.
its 3am
till now, i'm still not sleeping..hmm=(..i feel really sad though..somebody i cared just hurt me...again...well, i know i hurt him as well...=(...its pretty much of a complicated issue and now, im down here painful and depressed...cried and cried....i hope this pain can just go away..='( why must people give up something to be fair or to gain?why can't we have both...=(.....its pretty much of a naive thinking that i wanna have both but i cant..=( haven even bath yet....and tml i have to charge to botanic garden to take photo...=(feel really tired...
first day of year two
location: sp t523
hmm, in school now, feeling blue yet excited with whats coming next. really wonder when will my next project come...holiday was fun yet emotionally tiring cause of family. now i have an excuse to stay out late...haha...i miss apollo my dog, i hope he misses mummy too..hmm...dk what to blog about..hmm., its funny actually cause on that day, i wore a different combination of earing!its the ring type one but i wore silver on my left ear and black on the right..=/ i realise it when i reach home...kinda stupid..grrr...anw, these are my latest modeling photo..
hmm, in school now, feeling blue yet excited with whats coming next. really wonder when will my next project come...holiday was fun yet emotionally tiring cause of family. now i have an excuse to stay out late...haha...i miss apollo my dog, i hope he misses mummy too..hmm...dk what to blog about..hmm., its funny actually cause on that day, i wore a different combination of earing!its the ring type one but i wore silver on my left ear and black on the right..=/ i realise it when i reach home...kinda stupid..grrr...anw, these are my latest modeling photo..
its complicated
had been rather confuse recently, finally school is starting..i really hope to bury all my problem under the stress of school work..had 1 more beer just now. its now my 4th can till now since i turn 18.theres been a tendency for me to drink when i feel really down..hmm, must kick this habit..i really start to be blinded.. my love life is so complicated. yes i'm single now, but theres been so many bumble bees around me, for a moment, i was so bedazzled by the noise,and the next moment, i know its reality again where i have to stand all alone again. i feel sad, i feel terrible, my family dun seem to be there well, maybe its better, or worse, i don't know..i look forward for tomorrow to arrive cause its a brand new start. gonna work hard..i hope..
not trustworthy
hmm..this blog is about my modeling news that i'm going to ngee ann poly for catwalk. Well the event is call NP fashion breakout. I don't care if the main organiser saw this post. cause if they dare to break the trust of people, the must dare to admit. the whole incident goes like this. one day, sze li called me if i don't mind helping them to catwalk for an NP event. The compensation is nothing. meaning, i'm doing the show for free. ok i accept it. take it as an experience. plus sze li is doing the make up. but few days ago, recieved a news from sze li that the main management ask me not to go already. i feel really cheated but well, the bound to be better offers right? much happen though, but its not sze li's fault. its the organiser's fault. its really bad though. cause they don't practice the principle of trust which is the most important in the modeling industry. well, sad to say even the beg me now, i won't hesitate to reject.
anyway, do still go down for the event have to pay $7 and $5 for earlybirds. when i have time maybe i'll pop down to support my friends who i introduced and in the end, i'm not able to participate. haha...lifeis unfair though but theres better oppotunities that will come by.
anyway, do still go down for the event have to pay $7 and $5 for earlybirds. when i have time maybe i'll pop down to support my friends who i introduced and in the end, i'm not able to participate. haha...lifeis unfair though but theres better oppotunities that will come by.
control only nurture rebellious and unhappiness
WTF!WHY MUST MY MUM SAY STUFF THAT F_CKING HURT ME SO BADLY...!she really drive me to the core of leaving home. everyone make mistakes right?why must someone just control the freedom of others?why must parents be this way. Yes they love us, but still, they make us feel super controlled! I'M JUST GOING TO TOTALLY WRITE HOW I FEEL NOW SO WHEN I'M A PARENT MYSELF, I WON'T CONTROL MY CHILD. because, control only nurture rebellious and unhappiness.
its just like rubberband. it bouces freely when unstretched allowing it potential to be groomed. allowing the limit to be stretched. but as you keep stretching, its just like controlling someone over the years. the rubberband will still break.
yes i know my mum is trying to protect me. but i don't need any protection. the more she do that, the more i hate it and want to break free..she wants to give me curfew at 11pm, im just gonna reach home after 11pm even better, not go home. I'm naughty, im rebellious. cause she chose to snatch my freedom away. NEVER DID SHE CONSOLE AND COMFORT ME SHE JUST KNOWS HOW TO CONTROL. I LEFT MY RELIGION, I FELT GUILT, REGRETS YET ITS A LESSON LEARNT. but my parents are not the one thats there for me. they don't even provide me enough for my three meals. what authority they have to control me. plus, when i need them, they are not there.
just living everyday in absolute emptiness and pain.
its just like rubberband. it bouces freely when unstretched allowing it potential to be groomed. allowing the limit to be stretched. but as you keep stretching, its just like controlling someone over the years. the rubberband will still break.
yes i know my mum is trying to protect me. but i don't need any protection. the more she do that, the more i hate it and want to break free..she wants to give me curfew at 11pm, im just gonna reach home after 11pm even better, not go home. I'm naughty, im rebellious. cause she chose to snatch my freedom away. NEVER DID SHE CONSOLE AND COMFORT ME SHE JUST KNOWS HOW TO CONTROL. I LEFT MY RELIGION, I FELT GUILT, REGRETS YET ITS A LESSON LEARNT. but my parents are not the one thats there for me. they don't even provide me enough for my three meals. what authority they have to control me. plus, when i need them, they are not there.
just living everyday in absolute emptiness and pain.
just a lie
why?why must you treat me this way?why must you lie to me?a white lie is still a lie. you lied to your friends in front of me and now you lied to me!even i'm submerged in the lies, i still remain honest and true and this is what i get in return.
well, why is there people who can just lie their head off without feeling a single pinch of guilt? even when i lie, i feel bad, i feel guilty, i feel ashame. why people just get immune to lying and hurt their loves ones, i hurt my love ones too but i dun get immune to it, i told myslf that i want to change, but du to circumstances, i just jumped into the temptation, i hope god forgives me for that.
well, why is there people who can just lie their head off without feeling a single pinch of guilt? even when i lie, i feel bad, i feel guilty, i feel ashame. why people just get immune to lying and hurt their loves ones, i hurt my love ones too but i dun get immune to it, i told myslf that i want to change, but du to circumstances, i just jumped into the temptation, i hope god forgives me for that.
photoshoot with michael
ok ok, now right up is my modeling pictures.. have a look
nice or not u judge for yourself.
had i wine and it taste simply aweful and terrible..maybe is i feel really down and upset and the awefullness of the wine made me cry...just finding a way to fall asleep..=(
blog another day
just another stupid name i came up..hai..its 2. and im so in a crossroad now. i really dk who to chose u know..hmm...so many nice guys appeared, one is a guy i dun wanna let go but and its impossible between us. two is a guy who is patiently waiting for me. three is a guy im keen to know. complicated plus complicated..mylife seemt to be falling in place complicatedly hmm...seem to think alot about love recently..kind of crazy and tired..its just like roller coaster..
had a shoot with michael lim(photographer) really love his style though im kind of uncomfortable cus of the clothes..well my first time for this genre of shoot..dk how to describe it, shall post the pics up here next time..
hmm...my head contain 2 guys now..i feel extremely confused..i know tarot cards cant help me with that..it shows me what i should do but in the end i still have to chose...i hate to chose cus im just so afraid to make the wrong decision...im just a scaredy cat..haha...scared of frogs, shit and ghost..=(...i oso scared of molester pink panter, go home wear ur short panter...haha...feeling kind of lame now..cant sleep, cant do anything..want to text pple scared they are sleeping..hai..super super frustrated now...maybe i just go get a wine, drink than sleep...i really misses u, u and u...i miss my dog apollo too..=(i just seem to miss so many things..what a lonely night..=(
had a shoot with michael lim(photographer) really love his style though im kind of uncomfortable cus of the clothes..well my first time for this genre of shoot..dk how to describe it, shall post the pics up here next time..
hmm...my head contain 2 guys now..i feel extremely confused..i know tarot cards cant help me with that..it shows me what i should do but in the end i still have to chose...i hate to chose cus im just so afraid to make the wrong decision...im just a scaredy cat..haha...scared of frogs, shit and ghost..=(...i oso scared of molester pink panter, go home wear ur short panter...haha...feeling kind of lame now..cant sleep, cant do anything..want to text pple scared they are sleeping..hai..super super frustrated now...maybe i just go get a wine, drink than sleep...i really misses u, u and u...i miss my dog apollo too..=(i just seem to miss so many things..what a lonely night..=(
chick chuck chum??
well, its some kinda funny sound but it mean something else..whaha...randomness...anw, went for a dinner with my dearest ex bf...we are still friends though.. he went home to have his dinner while me myself and i alone took the bus home...bus 969..haha..its kind of a special ride to/for me(whatever the grammer is) cause i get to know this tarot guy..haha...he became a friend i feel comfortable with..just know him for 4 days and told him lots of my stuff...well, maybe theres a form of trust and connection...hmm, idk...but well, i doesn matter much though cause enjoying the time spend with the people who is a part of your life means more..hmm..the ride home was pretty funny cause we wanted to talk to each other but were too shy..haha..he asked me whats the time...LOL..haha! and in the end i asked him (something) and lala, he asked for my number (shy shy) haha..but like u can see the blue blue baluku aura from his head eg like u see a firework coming out from behind..haha..im just exagerating..just happy la hoh...(him) ok la, i was nervous, shy, excited, happy??, and still SHY..haha...but nevermind, i didn regret that shy moment..ok ok..
and now to the chum part..alamak, now photographers are interested in my blog..haha...its a good thing but a bad thing though..idk how to describe...but i kind of feel weird when they tell me saw on your blog that u are feeling down..hmm, i know they somehow wants to care in someway, but it still feel funny though..haha...sorry im being kind of straight forward..well, still appreciate that they tried to care and be nice understanding me more through my blog, i take that as a concern. Over viewing and probing to know more things makes me feel uncomfortable..
and now to the chum part..alamak, now photographers are interested in my blog..haha...its a good thing but a bad thing though..idk how to describe...but i kind of feel weird when they tell me saw on your blog that u are feeling down..hmm, i know they somehow wants to care in someway, but it still feel funny though..haha...sorry im being kind of straight forward..well, still appreciate that they tried to care and be nice understanding me more through my blog, i take that as a concern. Over viewing and probing to know more things makes me feel uncomfortable..
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