Hmm... Been rather long since I blog..don't come here that often already..haha! But still occasionally I want to share my thoughts.. Just do a reading up on people relations and I started reflecting..my 3years in polytechnic was not a rather fun thing or memory cause I enclosed myself too much.. I refuse to open up. Perhaps its just my own struggles about human behavior and untrust..however, this makes me realize that I lost a lot of fun and excitement. I'm pretty friendly to my outside friends but why can't I be more personal to my school mates..I have 3 rather close school mates.. Wee kiat, Brandon, and Lester.. But due to personal relationship Lester n I no longer in talking terms. Left with wee kiat and Brandon. Occasionally Brandon n I will talk about his stuff. But my regret is I am not ably to understand wee kiat well as a friend. For this, I fail... It's my mistake for bot being caring enough..for the people around me. I sincerely apologize because I do not really talk much in class.. Not that I am not approachable, but i just appear to be cold. Actually to talk about fear, I don't really know how to approach or start a topic with a person. At times, I will just keep quiet.. Good to say, Im more of an action to verbal person. I have a classmate. Her bf got into an accident..I don't even know how to comfort her..actually I is I don't dare.. Everyday, just quietly pray, stalk her fb to see if everything is fine and stuff...she sits behind me only and guess what..despite all the things that are happening, she still works hard.. Having to go to n fro from school to hospital I think..it's tough though..n it's a really admirable thing.sincerely hopes that every one of my classmates will strive hard and we can graduate tgt..especially Lester.. Worried about his studies but I can't say...maybe he sees this, he will think it's bullshit and hypocrisy but I know I say all this frOm my heart and I wish everyone the best

skipped

been 2 month since i blogged...perhaps i have learnt to keep my feelings, perhaps i just hate to share?perhaps im too busy?perhaps i'm just pure lazy...

recently had been pretty aimless...no motivation for work at all...it is precisely i have no goal to work on. My once ambition to be an air stewardess had slowly simmered down as i want a career that have bigger prospect in life..not just a high class waitress...i hate this period of life without aims. my diploma in interior design is fun but i dont seem to be motivated.I am sad. my colorful modeling life have been mundane after the hairshow. partly due to the heavy workload of school i rejected many photoshoots and events. right now, i'm not happy, because this is not the life i wanted...where have the confident trina gone to?why is everything so fucked up inside.. where am i????aimless....i love modeling, the confidence, glam, attention and knowing new people. why must things be simmered down to simplicity of being an ordinary student studying and schooling everyday...??things had been so hard....this battle of aimlessness is harder to conquer.

really need to pace up....

everyone is a slave for money...without $ u cant do anything...seriously.....
my dreams, the courses i want, the stuff i want to learn....all needs $!!!why $ even exist...its the root of all evil....

been so so long

its been super mega long since i blogged..been really upset and in misery about fluffy's death..but its ok, im still strong and got over it..i do miss my baby fluffy but i know its in a better place. ok well, back to my current life..kinda messed up actually but doing fine..well, it doesn't matter what right and wrong u did, but learning how to apologize for your wrong doings and repent makes u a better person. life is really full of choices.. sometimes hard to decide but what is the best? the best is making a choice and not regret.

sometimes is really a matter of selfless or selfish...its seriously tough...currently im faced with a huge choice to make and im doubly stress..girls may think that its fortunate..but it ain't as easily decided as u want it to be..

oh well, just to spam my struggles out on my blog.

fluffy

my new found love fluffy!!!

before fluffy enter into my life, i seriously feel theres no joy on this earth..well, i certainly agree, fluffy is difficult to look after, but at least it don't gives me heart ache..its so much better then caring for guys who doesn't even cherish u. oh well, theres so much good looking guys out there.but when u look at the heart..its just a piece of shit. well, wouldn't wanna waste my time talking about guys. sick and tired. back to fluffy=) wonder if fluffy will grow up and be like its parent or not.. maybe fluffy will look like trina!!haha!!

is it time to let go?

often i started to question myself..does he even deserve me?well..i also asked, why am i so dumb..haha!!!!everytime i'll just laugh it off and say its ok..but deep inside its not.its painful..is it time for me to let go??i cant trust..i cant believe..i doubt what is genuine and what is fake..

valuable lesson learnt

well, today, im put into a situation whereby im stuck in the middle, i cant help but just be neutral. its an aweful feeling i understand..after so many years i have been avoiding friendship stuff is because im afraid to face it..today, i have overcome my barrier...one person im really very very honoured to know him as a friend...he is call gerald lim. despite being shaken that little bit, i see that he still chose to uphold honesty towards his good,best buddy..he still chose to stand by his bro, believe in him and respect him. i totally salute to that...well, this is something i yearn for..someone to trust with all my heart, soul and mind, someone to share my pain and happiness with...i found no one yet besides my family...im contented...although its my desire...but i noe, i'll keep this small desire small...as i grow older, things in my life became harsher, but it just makes me a better women, grooming me to handle my emotions and to be more rational.. yes, i still got shaken easily and today, i know i did something right...i doubted someone whom i trusted..but i tell myself that i have to hear what he says first before i get emotional and the answer did not fail me..through this new phase of journey, im starting to grow. i have decided to leave the arms of someone who is always there to protect me and each step im taking now, im learning new things, seeing things at a new perspective..

in few years time, im gonna step into a brand new phase of my life, my working life..i anticipate about the people whom im gonna meet and my life career.actually, i do not have plans now but i definitely wanna do something that is fulfilling...design, yes, im gonna just follow this line...

i have many desire...and one of my desire is to be tim's student..haha!!!!its weird i know..but i really wanna learn more about how to manage things..im inspired by one particular thing he tell me...running a company is not about how much you earn, its about how many family you are feeding..everybody wants to be a boss..i agree...even i think of this as well...i just want my life to be a blessing to others...

this year, my one and only goal is to kick away my bad habit of not tidying my room..haha..mummy and daddy is nagging and nagging...i want to show them that their daughter ain't a child anymore, she can take responsibility about her stuff and the best way to show?my room....heee

i wanna bring my good friends home, tell them, all these stuff, my bed, my cupboard, my table,computer, and plasma tv is bought by my mum..all is brown btw..haha...only the curtain and clothes in my wardrobe was bought by me. and that stupid idiotic curtain(brown) i bought contains only one side..like WTH!!!why am i so blur..who the hell buy only one side of the curtain...me loh...fine...i admit..im stupid..=.=...buy one side..hai..so where did i hang?left or right...i hanged in the middle..haha!!!got chance whoever that read this, just sms me if u wanna come my house and see the pathetic one sided curtain..haha..apparently, it just remind me to check before i buy things....to apply this in daily life, it just means, check before u jump into conclusion and assume...clarify things...its better then misunderstanding...

k im sooo naggy...i go sleep already...nights to the world....

you wouldn't answer my call..........2am

Even though I know you how much how much you hate it, I can’t do anything but this
In front of your door, just idly waiting

Even though I’m so miserable, it’s better than losing you
I can’t lose you, so I stay near you, in front of your door waiting

You who won’t answer my calls anymore, you who doesn’t want to see me at all
No matter how I beg for forgiveness, there’s already no use

Waiting by your door, even if you pretend you can’t see me
Brushing past my shoulder like seeing a stranger you just met
Waiting until you are willing to hear me say sorry

Looking at my phone ten times a day, even jumping at the slight sound
To find out if you had sent me a text message

At first, at first, I thought like normal fights you would come back
Because you’re such a nice girl you wouldn’t be so cruel to leave me

You who won’t answer my calls anymore, you who doesn’t want to see me at all
No matter how I beg for forgiveness, there’s already no use

Waiting by your door, even if you pretend you can’t see me
Brushing past my shoulder like seeing a stranger you just met
Waiting until you are willing to hear me say sorry

Even though I’m so miserable, it’s better than losing you. I can’t lose you, so I stay near you, in front of your door waiting.

boys boys boys, girls girls girls..

besides living in the same world, boys and girls are so different. Perfection??whats perfection?no one is perfect in this world. sometimes i really ponder. if your other hald wants you to be perfect, can he be perfect in your eyes?no one is perfect cause perfection and improvement is totally 2 different spelling.you have to be imperfect to improve to perfect. oh well, sometimes we always complain to our parents, 'you don't care' but when they care, we complain that they are busy body. it applies to a relationship as well..to be honest, im currently seeing someone, lets call him mr P. hmm..he is rather complicated and i have to guess whats on his mind. well, i didn complain its tiring cause whenever i think of the positive side of him,im contented. though sometimes, secretly i do hope that he can show me more care and concern using action. well, nevermind. its just something i hope.

what should i say??

happen to accidentally come by this current song on my playlist. its really meaningful. i love it.
this are the lyrics.



Early in the morning
I put breakfast at your table
And make sure that your coffee
Has its sugar and cream

Your eggs are over easy
Your toast done lightly
All that's missing is your morning kiss
That used to greet me

Now you say the juice is sour
It used to be so sweet
And I can't help but to wonder
If you're talking 'bout me

We don't talk the way we used to talk
It's hurtin' so deep
I've got my pride, I will not cry
But it's makin' me weak

I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional
Hugs as a token of love from you to me, ooh, baby

I fought my way through the rush hour
Trying to make it home just for you
I want to make sure that your dinner
Will be waiting for you

But when you get there you just tell me
You're not hungry at all
You said you'd rather read the paper
And you don't want to talk

You like to think that I'm just crazy
When I say that you changed
I'm convinced I know the problem
You don't love me the same

You're just going through the motions
And you're not being fair
I've got my pride, I will not cry
Still I can't help but care

I'm not your superwoman (Oh, no, no)
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human (I'm only human)
This girl needs more than occasional
Hugs as a token of love from you to me

I'm not your superwoman (Hoo, hoo, hoo, ooh, ooh, hoo)
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down (Hey)
And think that everything's okay (Don't let me down, don't you let me down)
Boy, I am only human (I'm only human, yeah)
This girl needs more than occasional
Hugs as a token (Ooh, ooh) of love from you to me

Oh, baby, look into the corners of your mind
I'll always be there for you through good and bad times
But I can't be that superwoman that you want me to be
I'll give my everlasting love if you'll return love to me

I'm not your superwoman (Oh, no, oh, no)
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human (I'm only human)
This girl needs more than occasional
Hugs as a token of love from you to me (Oh, no)

If you feel it in your heart
And you understand me
Stop right where you are
Everybody sing along with me

Hoo, hoo, hoo, ooh, ooh, hoo
Hoo, hoo, hoo, ooh, ooh, hoo
I'm the kind of girl that can treat you so sweet
But you got to realize that you got to be sweeter to me, oh, ho, ho

Hoo, hoo, hoo, ooh, ooh, hoo
Hoo, hoo, hoo, ooh, ooh, hoo
I need love
I need just your love

I'm not your superwoman (Oh, no)
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down (You can let down)
And think that everything's okay
Boy, I am only human (I'm only human)
This girl needs more than occasional (Hey, hey, hey, hey)
Hugs as a token of love from you to me

I'm not your superwoman

well, its meaningful..to think about it, its human nature to hope to get what u give away or maybe the same amount of attention and care. well..sometimes expecting less will just make you more contented and appreciative.
relationships tend to grow mundane at times. this i know well. very very well cus i myself experience it before.

Think i better stop here before i get too emotional. read the lyrics, appreciate it and naturally ur mind will start off thinking about the meaning behind it..off to bed now...wee wee...

back to december

its december and we parted.although we did not even get together, i still will keep the precious memories. towards you, i only contain guilt. you are so nice to me yet i still rejected you. my heart is bitter, but i noe its the only way. secretly i pray for you. i pray that u will be happier without me. i know u will not forgive me cus the hurt i have caused u is too deep.I'm sorry. i'll chose to keep our precious memories in my heart. you have given me your best, just that i did not cherish u enough..we are never meant to be tgt...im sorry that i made you feel that u r a spare tire. Im sorry. i can't find back the feeling i have for you anymore.every time we quarrel, i drifted 1 mile away from you. Slowly everything started to be mundane. thinking back, we watch videos together at home, do homework, and go shopping together. but everything will not be the same anymore. i have lost the first love for you


ps: i hope you will live strongly