What Am I?

I wonder what I really am, I really do. I just got home from a ridiculously long drive to the different corners of KL. Shukkie gave me a call at about 4:00am (just as I was about to fall asleep) to ask for help in getting Jason and his brother and herself back to their homes.


So first I drove to the park quite nearby to See Hoon's house where all three of them were in the car. I got down for a smoke and wondered why Shukkie was the only one to come out of the car. Turns out the brothers were drunk. It was quite funny too as the brothers were all over each other in the back seat.


Turns out what Suet said in the past has come back to haunt me haha;
"You need to get a camera phone!!!" she used to say.


But anyway, the plan was that I would tail Shukkie's lead to the brothers' house in Taman Desa nearby my grandmother's old home; where she would park the car and dump the brothers in the living room. Next, after we had locked the door, thrown the keys as far as possible into the living room and ran out the automatically closing gate ... I would send her back home in Cheras ... >___>


I hate my life ... after such a stressful day ... I get absolutely no time to myself anymore lol =)


The only saving grace is that as I was sending Shukkie back, she kept telling me what a good person I was for helping my friends all the time when they need it without expecting anything in return.


We had a nice talk on the superficiality of life and some of our friends' romantic relationships and interests and it was quite annoying when she kept going on and on about some of the things that happened to them shouldn't have happened at all.


Sigh ... I can't resist girls in distress lol.
And I think they probably know that too, since I'm always that super nice and trustworthy guy that they could run to when the sky above collapses and the earth beneath crumbles. I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing really ... but how soon they forget me within the next hour. Never mind, out of sight doesn't mean out of mind right? Hahaha


Before Shukkie got out of the car, I finally asked the question I wanted to ask her since she made that phonecall to me, just to get it off my chest.


Me: Why didn't you jaga they two, sendiri know that they cannot tahan.
Shu: I try, they dowan listen.
Me: But Jason is your boyfriend, paling teruk only his brother drunk only, not him also.
Shu: I thought he can tahan more than that, but I let him have fun la, anyway if got problem also we know can come to you.


HAIHZ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BARBIE BETUL LA.


Am pretty tired of my female friends not using their fucking brains to think before they act use your brains girls!!! Most guys are stupid and cannot plan anything unless it is right before them or in the very distant future. To plan something that is 2 - 3 hours or so in the very near future is uncomprehendable. You'll have to do that for us, especially if it revolves around our own perspective of our capability and kekebalan.


Well, at least she did some planning, just not very well of course. And I wonder what the hell she was thinking when she exposed to me that I was that charity organization that is only there to help you when you call.


If you want to take advantage of the fact that I'm that super convenient 24/7 helpline also don't lah go and make it so obvious that you do plenty of retarded things with the comforting knowledge that I definitely can and will be able to bail you out later. Bodoh.


I can't sleep ...
Maybe the next time I help one of my female friends like this I should like molest them or grope them or something when in the car that time so hopefully they won't depend on me so much. God damn it all, so sleepy. +__+

I Don't Want To Fall Back Into The Earth's Atmosphere

Congratulations to SephX and Night on their newborn daughter, born on Sunday, May 13th. which also happens to be Mother's Day.


Congratulations also to Peter and Meng See for finally getting married after 7 years. Congratulations to Daphne and Suzanne on finally having a mother again.


Why must such happy things like marraige, planned childbirth and the celebrated motherhood be immediately followed by such a sad thing like college starting again on Monday? If this is the divine's plan for me then I must be one of those jokes that never get old. Like those "Wise man say" or those "Your mom" jokes.


Like:
Wise man say:
Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day,
Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

or

Wise man say:
Keep your friends close but your enemies closer;
so they won't see your friends sneak up behind them.

or

Wise man say:
Never lick a steak knife.


Your Mom jokes are always about the same and always very funny.


A: You suck!
B: Not as good as your mom.

or

A: Whats good here?
B: Your mom.

or

Your momma so old she owe Jesus three fifty!!!


Well anyway. I happen to be a middleman in a cute squabble between two young men in their late twenties. And it really inspired me to write this about friendships, relationships, acquaintanceship, mutualship and partnership. It goes:


People piss me off sometimes.


This is one of the times I'm really glad that I'm silent, that I listen instead of speak, I watch instead of taking active participation in things. Because by being active, loud, and outgoing, I will have to deal with a lot of people. And like I said, people piss me off sometimes.


Maybe today isn't one of my best days ever. I loathe how when I treat someone nicely, when I get all friendly and shit, and then the next thing I know I am rudely replied to. Maybe I'm being overly-sensitive here. Maybe it's all my fault, but I can't help it when words hurt me more than they should. And I get angry, I get mad, I get hurt... and in the end I give out the silent treatment, retreat into myself, close in, become suspicious, and things are never the same again. And nothing gets resolved.


Why am I so afraid of confrontations, of telling people the truth of what I think of them in their face the very moment I am angry, or hurt by their words?


So in anger, I answered sarcastically as I always do when my hurt starts talking and then stayed silent for a while. Then I walked away without another word. Like always. I didn't think I could stand being in that person's presense anymore, because what I wanted to do was to hurt her back, to give her the treatment she gave me.


Of course, I couldn't bring myself to do that. Ugh.


I remember walking to the bus stop at college today, quite alone while other students walked past laughing and chattering away. I was content in being ignored, in being solitary. It gave me a chance to observe everyone else with indifference. On top of not having a particularly good day or being in too great a mood, I didn't want friends around me at all because I would have to plaster on a fake smile 24/7 then, to act as if nothing was out of place. When I am alone, I can scowl all I want. I can hate all I want. I can curse all I want. And no one would care.


For some reason, that hurts and yet I am grateful for it at the same time. When I am extra-friendly to my "friends" and in the end was rudely answered back to, I'm sorry, but those impressions do make a lot of difference. I can take bad moods. I can take it if you don't want me to disturb you. But I will not take it if you make a crude comment about me when you don't even know who I am, really. And I hate being classified into stereotypes.


I'm sorry, but I don't like it at all. I hate it how when I care, and I thought you care too, but in the end the friendship doesn't even exist and I am believing in a lie. You can expect yourself to be coldly treated. I am never going to accept it the things they were before. I won't even care if you were my best friend, my closest friend, or my worst enemy. It's all the same in the end. You're a person, and you just stirred a great dislike in me.


But the hurt you inflicted, whether intentionally or unintentionally, will not fade. I try to get over it but the memories always came back. I don't like how I have a superb memory at remembering what people did to me and what they said. Because while it's great to remember the good things that happened, along comes with the memory of the bad things I've encountered. And the sun is ecplised by dark clouds.


But anyway, enough of all this negative stuff. I'm feeling a little down today.