New Faces

When you're governing a student organisation, you become a full-time Public Relations Officer. You project the image of your organisation outward in a positive manner. You befriend people across other departments and organisations to earn understanding and acceptance through a mutually beneficial relationship.

Over the past 2 years, I've come to know many people on campus, especially management staff across the various departments so as to make my job easier as well as to learn from them. Over the past 4 months however, some resigned, some became relocated.

This afternoon when I pass by the different departments, I come to realise that there's hardly anyone that I know now. New faces are everywhere and the office is no longer as lively as I once knew. Undoubtedly, change is inevitable in everyday lives, you've just got to live with it whether you like it or not.

New Term

First week of school ended. Tomorrow starts week 2 of 4. It is definitely a waste of time to be re-doing a non-core module simply to fulfil the unrestricted elective requirement of the school. But nonetheless, I see this as a second chance. I didn't do very well last semester, so this is to make up for it.

Today started out fine and enjoyable, but ended a little sour. Might be the hot weather.

Moved

JD said something yesterday night over dinner that moved me. This time round I could feel that he really meant it.

Taking A Day Off

Last week this day, I gave in. We reconciled. This week this day, I requested for a day off, to breathe and reflect.

Over the past week, JD changed completely. He became such a different person so quickly that I found it hard to believe. He did all the things I liked to do for him. I can truly feel his love now. I'm very touched but not moved. All that JD had said so far since day 1, what's true, what's not, I can't differentiate.

No More Daydreaming

I held on for 4 months. I endured, I persisted, I gave it my all, I gave him my heart.

And finally last Monday, I felt everything was worth it. I felt it finally worked out. I felt very recharged to head towards building a future with him. I felt very very very happy.

But it was all too short-lived. It turned out to be just another lie, another promise broken, another shattered heart. I felt utterly cheated, utterly disappointed at myself.

Yesterday night, I couldn't help but drench my pillow in tears silently. This morning, I made up my mind to take my heart back. I am not going to let him break it again, ever. I decided to switch off the console, permanently.

I think I finally made it past one crossroad. Painful but relieved.

Game Saved?

I awoke to find myself in shock and sweat. I had a nightmare. I thought I could put it behind me but the scene from the night before kept replaying in my mind. It was extremely excruciating, like stabbing the heart with a knife... many many times.

I shouldn't have saved the game, I should have switched off the console. How long more can I bear with it? I just want to sleep well for once. Just one night. I think I need sleeping pills.

Holiday Disrupted

My appeal to retake my failed module during the holidays has finally been approved. My new school term officially starts in two weeks' time. This time round I opted for my home faculty module - Life Science, so that it's a sure pass.

From now till then, hopefully I can finish all my freelance projects at hand, collect my payment and fly off to HK for a good holiday with JD.

It Takes Two

Something which I read off the net and never forgot:

To love someone is something.
To be loved by someone is another thing.
To be loved by someone you love is everything.

Very unexpectedly on Monday, an end point became a check point. It's like me playing FFXII. After walking for so long, to the point I'm about to switch off the console in frustration, I finally arrived at a Saving Crystal. HP and MP gets recharged back to full.

Ceiling Giving Way

Today the ceiling of the toilet in my house gave way and a huge chunk of concrete fell to the ground all of a sudden. I went to take a look and realised the metal pilings and the concrete have been corroded, most probably due to the high moisture. Luckily no one was in the toilet at that moment.

My dad took a pail while I got myself a screwdriver and started prying out more of the loose concrete to make sure they are out of harm's way. After near an hour of falling debris and with my shirt drenched in sweat, a large part of the toilet's ceiling was gone and the inner metal pilings were all clearly visible. Seems like I've got to give the town council a ring first thing Monday morning.

Flashback

So much happened over the past two weeks. They hit me one after another and I didn't had the time to type them out into words. Each of the series of events pained me a lot and each day I would try to sleep it away, so that I'll forget them the very next day. My apologies to friends whom I've missed out on good night sms-es lately.

Just now I walked past a shop selling CDs. It was playing some music infused with Buddhist chants on the hi-fi. I am not a very religious person but I stopped a moment to listen anyway. Almost instantly, everything that happened over the past few months flashed through my mind. It got me very emotional and I tried to hold back my tears.

Then the flashback stopped. A glimpse of the future crossed my mind. I found it very familiar and comforting. At that moment, everything else doesn't seem to matter anymore. The very thought lifted me from my dilemma and I finally made up my mind.

The music ended. I put my thumbs in my pocket and continued journey home. My feet felt lighter.