I'm not complaining, I'm really not.
I know how much of an honor it is to be chosen to come attend this conference... Not everyone has this chance.
In fact, I've been trying to convince myself to not be guilty about it, that it will be alright as long as I share as much knowledge I gained with my fellow colleagues... I'll be of a free conscience. After all, I was asked to go, not that I volunteered for it... right? there's such a distinction.. right? I didn't leave my team in lurch on purpose... right???
Even if it's NOT right, it's a bit too late for me to worry about it now... I shall.. deal with the consequences when I get back.
Now.. I'm worried about the possibility of being depressed. I hadn't really thought about it until just now, when I suddenly feel like crying. I AM sleeping abit too much... 8 hours of sleep at night, and I will still need a 1-3hours evening nap. My eating patterns are all over the place.. Like today. I effectively only had 1.5 glasses of pepsi and 3 slices of pizza at 4pm. That's all. It's not as if I'm not hungry.. I am. My stomach is growling at this moment, and I am staring at the other 3 pieces of pizza I had left over from lunch. But I don't feel like eating it. So... dry. and cold.
Wanted to order room service.. Maybe soup and salad.. not much veges and fruits since coming here... but they only had cream soups. Abit too much for my digestive system... So I'm back to square one.
If I had cup noodles, that will be my number 1 choice now.
So just now, when I see my blistering hands (I don't know what happened, but it's blistering when I woke up ytdy), I just feel like crying.
This is just far too different from home, or when I was traveling alone in TW, or even my experience in Sydney. And now I truly appreciate having my roomies with me when I was there. Here, I don't find familiar food. Here, people seem to have difficulties understanding my English. I can't seem to get acquainted with people, other than exchanging pleasantries.
There's zero familiarity.
And I don't know who to talk to about all these, when the time difference means that only my mum is available when I'm available, and I really don't want to make her worried.
And so, I'm now having 2nd thoughts about going for my Masters... Will I ever survive??? My poor social abilities is already showing in Singapore... What hopes do I have of establishing relationships in a foreign land where people finds it hard to understand me?? I'm now finding the prospect of getting married and furthering my studies with a spouse in tow very attractive.
Sighs, on a good note, I guess it will all end very soon.
Labels: Life is...
