New band life?

I'm still adjusting to SMU band life.

It's so different from both secondary school and JC... and i guess that's a good thing.

But everybody's views about band are so vastly different... the preconceptions about band we had, the experiences and brushes so far and yadayada... they're so different!

Well it's not all bad... but it's not all good either. Hmmm...

Dunno.

Hah.

Whee!

Thanks Kenneth for the Op Meta Promo!

Huikoon... i'll find your blog soon.

My darling YM cell kids (if you all ever read this...), don't forget about God while you all are studying k.

My darling YA cell... whee, you all really keep me sane, especially mid-week. =)

Hee okie.

Well i've got to go do constructive stuff now. Byebye! =)

Pit-stop! =)

It's end of saga already, so it's time now for a pit-stop. =)

Listening to this sermon about "has the child in you died?".

I don't want to ever lose that child-like innocence, even though somewhat maturing wisdom is good as well. Can i have both at the same time? Yes... but i'll have to work hard at it.

Loving God now isn't a matter of sheer passion... or rather, i'm teaching myself not to depend on the passion. Loving God now is a matter of attachment... but i do hope soon enough that attachment will become fire again.

Maybe i should throw away all my concieved ideas over my happy approximate 2 years and 9 months of being a christian, and really take God for what He says again. =)

Take 3rd class in the bus, cos there's no 4th class to go to.

Call for an end.

There are too many sagas happening in my life nowadays.

It's time to stop all these sagas.

Learn from all my mistakes (being unnecessarily emo), and be decisive and do whatever i've decided upon.

Yay, Shujing's simple life, here i come again! =)

Call for an end.

Hee there are far too many sagas happening in my life now already. It's time to end all these sagas (hopefully this wont be another saga in itself).

=)

I need to make a firm decision and do it, and not be too emotional in things.

Make to the simple life of Shujing! Yipppeee!!!! =)

What to make out of this all.

Hee it's 10min to my project meeting and i've been slacking so far since my class ended at 12. What a productive way to end my battery life by blogging here. -.-

Hee maybe it's a growing up thing... but somehow, these days, i'm much more acutely aware of my emotions, my feelings, and the things that fill my mind. Well that means that i become more aware of the much junk i place in my mind.

Not junk junk. But i stepped into school this morning with the same kind of mild dread and a feeling of just-getting-it-over-and-done-with... the kind i used to experience in JC, although the syndrome was much more pronounced then for certain reasons. (and then i start psychoing myself with my whole Jonah + territory story)

And i've come to the realisation of the word "instinct" and its many uses... my actions and thoughts are most of the time instinctive... not because it's not a result of logical thinking, but because sometimes instincts just mean that your past experiences/emotions/feelings have already been taken into consideration. I tried thinking through one of my instinctive emotions... and well, it led me all the way back to my JC days, and the source doesn't even start there.

We're meant to be self-determined creatures... but maybe i'm using my mind in the wrong way already.

God, fill me up with the thoughts You want me to think, and fill me up with the joy and the peace that surpasses all understanding. I've completed another route around the mind game run already, and i'm back here with You again. Lead me out of this circle and forward into that plan You have for me Lord.

I'm weak.

But He's strong.

Trouble's over!!! =)

Whee yay i officially announce the end of trouble. =)

I didn't get into band exco!!!

YES YES YES!!!

Haha. Which means... i can go for music prac more often! =)

Crossroads

I guess i brought myself to this crossroad which could have never existed...

Music prac vs Band.

Haha.

Hehh you might be wondering what's the big fuss about that? Cos its more than just one activity of Shujing's life replacing anymore. It's a complicated issue which actually led me to rethink my spiritual walk with God.

Obvious decision? My leaders are generally saying no. But why is it so hard to say no now but it was so easy to say no then? I was happily leaving band early then cos i had to rush off to church for music practice. Why not now? Why is it at this time in my life when ministry is getting so much more fruitful that i have placed myself in such a situation that threathens to jeopardize my church stuff? Why?

Because of wrong intentions? Because of hidden motives? Because i never dared asking God about it for i had my own agenda to fulfill? Because... perhaps... i never trusted God that much to know that He can provide for anything? Because of a sudden self-righteousness that makes it hard to put down my pride and obey God?

Hee, think integrity issues. My integrity is in constant testing now. Cos i think integrity is harder to exercise with peer pressure (albeit positive ones) around.

Does my soul long for you as the deer pants for the water, as much i as did? Is it already diluted by 1 month of school? I should never have been in this position ever.

Better is one day in Your courts, than a thousand elsewhere.

Imperfection.

Hello, you are currently reading the blog of a highly imperfect person living in a imperfect world.

I just pray i'd stay sane from the humongous things to consider and think about that are flooding my way, and that i'd stay simple in a exceedingly complicated world, and that i'd stay true to Christ even though many people don't think He's real.

Hai, and i'm only 19, can you believe it?

First time. =)

Whee. I guess i should kinda blog today... cos... I SHARED FOR THE FIRST TIME FOR SERVICE YESTERDAY!!!

Haha.

Well... uh... i actually turned EMO after that. So stupid la. Shujing acts quite stupid sometimes (not all the time i hope). ARGH.

Haha.

So now in a better frame of mind, and recognizing that God actually gave me a very deep sense of peace after YM service, i should actually say that... my sharing for service might not be that bad after all. =) I mean, yea of course things to change... (including talking too fast cos i was somewhat nervous and it showed) but well, the service is after all in the hands of God and it's the Holy Spirit that convicts. =)

Oh but anyway, i was at YA service yesterday. Decided i needed to stay off sharing for bible study for my cell for a little while (haha i figured that nobody actually brought their growing in grace anyway...). Whee. My mind was half at service and half thinking about my sharing and wanting to dig a hole and hide in it kind of feeling. But anyway. Yes, manhood. =) Funny thing was, i was feeling stressed even though the whole sermon was challenging the guys. Cos im always thinking, a REAL man would require a REAL woman. And erm, haha, i'm just a mediocre girl, how to match up to a real man, huh? Hai. Haha. Well that's precisely why i'm giving myself 2 more years (clock's ticking away) before i get into ANY relationship. Haha.

Enough about me being a mediocre girl. Within these two more years, i still got a strong YM cell to oversee, more people to save, and more academic studies to study. =) There's no time to waste.

Oh and today is the first day of me not going for sunday service. Hai. I hope i do study well at home... i mean, i need to make full use of this cos its at the expense of spending time with God's church know.

Okie okie i shall say hi to lunch now. Byebye! =)