Looming 2008

If i went according to my wishes, i'd just make december repeat over and over again. YM camp then YA camp, then the parties... it's really a holiday out with God and i really enjoyed it tremendously. But i know i shouldn't think so, because that's not what God would want. Everything in December wasn't meant to stay as a happy holiday, but an empowerment for the new year to come.


So 2008, here i come!


But before that... in this second last day of 2007, i shall announce that
1) My baby hairs are growing well, thank God for them (hope u saw them today morning sticking out of my other hairs!);
2) My stomach, or rather, my eating capacity seemed to have shrank. I'm feeling very very very full now! Don't even feel like eating my longans anymore;
3) I figured today when i saw all the whitish lines on my legg that i didn't totally wash off the soap from PAID yesterday. Tsk tsk. Haha.;
4) I just saw the "IMPECCABLE" masking tape we wrote during YM camp a minute ago in my kitchen. It has conveniently became the sticky tape that holds the surface of my mum's stool together. So cute. Haha;
5) These two days (today and tomorrow) will mark the last few hours of my brain degeneration through multiple and continuous sessions of slacking-and-doing-nothing-constructive-and-letting-my-brains-go-on-a-holiday. Sadly so but yes, i have to move on and develop my brain, especially the frontal bit. =)


Although i personally do not mark out change in years like how when i play music i ignore the bar lines, it is always comforting when there's a point in (or in-between) the year(s) to actually kick start once again on fresh ground.


With trepidation and yet a silent confidence because God is with me, HELLO 2008! =)

Random wondering

You know, it has always seemed more correct for an aethist to cry "we dont want God in our world" than for christians to cry "we want to see God in society"?


Christians are often the ones defending while those who don't believe in God are the ones attacking.


But i have a right to insist on the existence of God as much as you have a right to insist on the non-existence of God, right?


It's as if omitting something was better than committing something; that omitting God was better than letting God in.


But both assumptions (that there is or there is no God) are equally controversial and equally important so omission is no better than commission, right?


There's a saying by someone... that if God isn't true, christianity is utterly useless. But if God is true, then christianity is of utmost importance.


Different people take different sides, and some are hopelessly straddled in the middle.


Don't worry, i'm not some extremist seeking to change the system to one that assumes God instead of one that somewhat tries to exclude God... After all, the different sides have, despite their different underlying beliefs and lifestyle principles, been able to survive together in a common world. Cos i know assuming God in my world (the word assuming is used for the sake of this post only.... i assert that i don't really assume God in my world, firstly because it's not an assumption in the sense that i know for real He is real, and secondly God is real no matter whether you believe whether He is or not) doesn't take a system change - it takes a lifestyle and mindset change on my part. I said it already... it's more got to do with underlying beliefs and lifestyle principles rather than system fault.


Haha i know this is something controversial, but anyway this post is just to remind myself, that the next time someone says he/she is proud to be an aethist, i can comfortably and loudly say that i'm proud to be a child of God. =)

$88 dinner. =)

Hey dearies! I just came back from a only-a-few-times-in-a-lifetime kind of $88 (excluding GST and service charge) dinner! Sponsored by my elder sister... who gladly wants to treat us because she calculates everything by dividing it by 3. Cos she just came back from england and calculated that she could afford this meal since she stayed near her office and saved a huge sum on the public transport.





Well first let me introduce you to the venue... It's at esplanade, called my humble house. Hee. Well actually if i were a traditional superstitious asian, i would have refused to sit at the table i was. Well besides seeing my mummy, do you see the extra high chair back? It was artistic and cool, but it also reminded me of the jiang shi... cant remember what you call it in english. And the thingie supporting the table was a mini rectangular pond, and obviously, if i were a superstitious asian, that might seem like a coffin. Haha. Well the lighting was red and the furnishing was largely black. Hee. But well, me being a happy person, saw that as artistic in the most simplest of senses. Hee. =)





It was a 8-course dinner... Don't have the full menu here but here it goes:







One of the dishes was obviously , shark's fin!!! It was crazily nice (haha, pardon the limited vocabulary... you don't have much of a gourmet here.). The broth was really rich and even the aftertaste was rich.




Another dish was ginseng chicken (picture on left). Now where's the ginseng? Hmmm... figured out when i ate it that the ginseng was really IN the chicken... cool huh. The chicken meat was really tender... like, it really just melts in your mouth. It wasn't the overcooked kind until it hardens nor the undercooked kind that you need tremendous skill to tear the meat apart. The meat just comes apart at a slight pull. Really cool.

Ah hah... there was vegetables too... picture is really blur so i guess no use putting it up.


Wheee oh ya next notable dish: DA LOBSTER. =) Took me quite a while to savour this dish because i had to struggle to get the meat out of it's shell. Haha. But the meat was worth the fight. It'll be an insult to say that it tasted like a huge prawn but nicer than prawn. Haha. But... er i really don't know how to describe it.














Ah hah... the picture here makes my sorbet look big. But it's really quite a small portion. But it's sooooo different from your usual crushed ice lychee... the ice was like, fine... and it really melts in your mouth instantly. It wasn't too sweet as if you poured a whole lot of syrup into it... actually, it didn't even feel like syrup-ed. And well i liked the nuts that accompanied it. =)
















Uh huh! You might not be able to see it clearly, but this is oxtail meat plus some kind of noodle (and a stalk of vege at the side). =) The noodles was tremendously soft, any melt-in-your-mouth thing... doesn't taste at all flour-ly. The meat stew smelt good, although the taste if you ate it by itself was a little overwhelming, with the noodles it tasted really good. =) Don't know how they actually made the broth, but the little bit of the broth felt like rich chicken essence.... really nice! Think all that juice from 10 xiao long baos combined fitted into a bowl. Yummmy!












Now for my favourite dish of the day: the desert!!! Haha. It was one that excited my senses the most (the only picture i took with flash, too). It came with dry ice... and my whole family went nuttish together upon seeing it. It was pretty with the rose petals and all! Okie main point was... it was latte ice cream with avagardo cream-ish melted ice cream in a coconut. Cooling, and interestingly i wasn't put off by the avagardo cos it didn't feel greasy at all.






Well besides the food, my family indulged in some kind of weird scientific enquiry...: what is colour? Hee, cos colour is a matter of perception, so we were really wondering, what is colour? But to this mind here, scientific inquiries do not interest my mind as much... i'd probably be more interested in talking about human behavior than wavelengths and infrared and x-rays. You might call this brainlessness, but i've made a conscious effort not to complicate my thought process too much because i believe in simple things called intuition and common sense. Or rather, i have had probably too little time to delve into subjects of interest; school life is far too hectic... and most of the time, i can get by academically without thinking at all.


Well which made me think of my two smart sisters. My elder sister got 3As for A levels... when she did so badly for prelims my parents were requested to see the teachers. Crazy huh. She was playing her whole time in JC but still managed good results (the only reason why she didnt get 4As is because she immediately dropped 1 subject when she figured she could do with 3 in JC). My younger sis is a potential medical school student, with really good portfolios. But what about me? Haha... but i figured, it wasn't about me. It's not about the talents i had; cos what matters is the talents that i put to use for God's kingdom. It's never about me as per me anyway, it's always about God. And whatmore, no matter how much people say "life is unfair", i think God has been always very fair in terms of distributing the gifts and the talents. =) He created some as hands, some as eyes, some as the brain cells... and it would be impossible for the hand to function as the center of the brain, eyes as the foot.... ok i actually dunno if such cell implantations would be possible but well. Haha.


On a side note, the brain and the mind is a different thing. Interesting thought. I shall look deeper into that soon. =)

Thank-you-s. =)

Heyheyhey!!! =)


Before the year ends, i just wanna thank a few (ahem) people for making my past year such a wonderful one. =)


First group of people: my YM cell! Thank you Lizzie, Kelly, Chloe, Faithe, Janna, and even Rachel, for being there since the start of the cell. =) Thank you Angeline, Serene, Sarah S, Christine, for coming in during metamorphosis and made me feel that there is growth potential in the cell. Thank you Joy, Aaron (i just realised your bible is like the nicest one i've bought lehh... read it more k. Haha), Avelene, Jie Shi, Mabel, Benjamin, Daniel, Daniel (the Aminah-daniel), Joyce and Mel gege for coming in within this year. Thank you of course, for this year's P6es, Yue shan, Tyan Wei and Amanda. You guys have added so much colour into my life laa... =) Each and everyone of you has been a blessing to my life... especially the times when each one of you say the sinner's prayer, or say that you've been reading the bible. =) Continue growing yea, and we'll do well with the multiplication. The harvest doesn't stop in 2007.


Second group of people: my YA cell! Thank you Vanessa my dearest cell leader! Thank you Xiuyu, Huikoon, Alex, Coral, Mishuelle, Michelle, May, Sarah Lin for all the wonderful memories of cell time... all the energies spent on counting the cost... all the prayers during YA camp! =)


Third group of people: YM comm. Haha. It has been a pleasure working with each and every single one of you guys... you all inspire me a lot, with all your talents, your hard work, your perseverance, and your love for God. It's tremendous. =)


Fourth group of people: the "JC clique"... aka the "uni clique". Haha errr well, never really liked to acknowledge the existence of this supposed clique as others would call us cos it connotes some kind of exclusivity. But anyway, to this cute little informal circle of friends, i just wanna thank you all for making my uni life much more bearable. =) Thank you all for the "emotional support" especially during the first period of my uni life. And it has been really fun hanging out with you all! =)


Ooh and i would personally wanna thank the YA comm too, you guys have been of great help especially the time when i dragged you all in to help out for the YM party! Hee. Ooh ooh LA too! Haha... you guys reduce my stress levels during parties la. =)


I wanna thank my family too (i know you guys will never see this but well)... hee! =)


Well saving the best for the last, i would like to thank God for all the good things and the bad things as well. None of the above would have been possible if without you. =) You make my life worth living. =)


Okie... somewhat the end of thank-you speeches... i think there are many people whom i forgot to thank lehh... Ahhhh!

Wheee!

I realised my first car might not be one of those cute butt-less cars.


Cos a Nissan March costs more than a Nissan Sunny; cos a Toyota Yaris probably costs more than a Toyota Vois; and although a Honda Jazz is quite at the end of the scale of Honda cars, it's still more expensive than a Nissan Sunny or Toyota Vois.


But then again, the difference is just a few thousand dollars. What's the difference of $2,000 when you're spending $60,000 on a car?


But then again, a Toyota Vois is cheaper but looks more expensive and seems prettier than the butt-less cars. Haha.


Okie i'm day-dreaming again.


It's going to be public transport for now. =)

Fairytaleess. =)

Hello hello, i'm not getting married next week ok. Haha. Ave and Serene wrote on the christmas hat to me "Marry me! Just kidding."


Anyway. It is the christmas festiveeee feeling (hai i gotta say i'm somewhat feeling ashamed of myself giving myself excuses to glue my eyes onto the tv and day-dreaming at night and stuffss when the true meaning of christmas is all about Jesus. How did the King of Kings and Lord of Lords getting born in the manger become such a celebration of... almost nothing about the birth of Jesus Christ? But this shall be considered in a seperate post).


Okkk that was the side note... so what was i thinking about? Oh yes day-dreaming.


(Warning: this is going to be another post about Shujing thinking about marriage... tsk tsk... but it's better than posts about Shujing thinking school right? Haha.)


Actually i think i might be quite a sad blob of stuff if my whole life errr is just spent on thinking and contemplating about marriage. There are after all better and bigger and more essential things for me to do than to raise godly kids who will add to God's kingdom, right? Haha.


But that being said.


Actually i'm dreaming of more than just a fairytale you know. I'm not looking for a prince charming that comes on a white horse (although i do like white considerably)... but a godly man (author's emphasis) that (errr, dunno what to fill in here. Haha.). I'm not looking for a true love's kiss to save my from errr, vegetation... but a kiss at the altar that symbolizes union of two beings until God comes and takes either one of us away. I'm not looking for a proposal on some horse coupled with a whole choir out of the whole forest.... but a proposal in church. Haha. Wha. Okie i'm asking for a lot. Fine.


Snaps out of day-dreaming mode. That'll be 2 more years ++ to go.


So wellies.


Happy birthday Jesus! In the meantime until You help me find that oneee and that oneee finds me, i'm Yours wholly. =)

Deeply in love.

It's all simple.

Just fall more and more in love with God every single day.

Can't describe to you exactly how God never gives up on me... He's always doing things which give me an opportunity to step back and stand in awe of Him.

=)

In my life You've heard me say
I love you.
How do I show you it's true
Hear my heart,
it longs for more of you..
I've fallen
Deeply in love with you..

You have stolen my heart
I'm captivated by you
Never will you and I part
I've fallen
Deeply in love with you

You and I, together for ever
Nothing can, stand in the way
My love for you,
grows stronger each new day.
I've fallen
Deeply in love with you

You have stolen my heart
I'm captivated by you
Never will you and I part
I've fallen
deeply in love with you

More than conquerer

Back from Camp Infaction... was nothing less than overwhelmed by God's presence.

God spoke... and spoke clearly. The expectations i had spelt out to my darling cell leader the day before church camp was all fulfilled by God... one the first day. As i can expect, the next two days were all above and beyond what i expected, hee as usual, since my God gives abundant blessings. And if i were bold enough to say - the sermon on the last day was made for me. It addressed all the issues and was about the exact same topic i was crying to Sarah Lin about the night before. "Patience" is the word now for me... a word which i heard for 2 services. And also, "the best has yet to come", "influence" - All the dreans which at some point in this year i've contemplated about not being able to have or achieve. There is much more for me to expect in my life... a life which would impact many others that's beyond my wildest dreams. A life that's much more different than those around me, for it will be holy, and pleasing to God.

It was a breakthrough - a breakthrough that came not with physical manifestation (which i expected to have with a breakthrough), but with a clearer knowledge of my destiny and a deeper communication with God by going all the way back to the child-like faith which i once had but complicated as time went by.

Well reality sets in now. After Camp Influenza and Camp Infaction. But it's different this time... because through both camps, i have obtained a silent confidence required for me not just to live through uni the way i did in JC, but to emerge victorious as well.

I thank God for the successful two camps, and CFFF as well, and His constant speaking to me in ways i never expected and comprehended and even acknowledged... the answers i got when i prayed about what to share for prayer, my A level results, my school, the many promptings i have to check my work, and many many other things and events.

I am MORE THAN CONQUERER in Christ.

Self-check time!

Wheee its the holidays and finally a time for me sit down and really think about what has happened over the past few months... what i've done, what can be improved, where should i go next, how have i matured.

And think about whether i should delete this blog.

If this blog has failed to at least hint at the presence of God in my life, it has utterly failed its purpose and it's probably time for me to delete it.

Maybe let's think about this way: if after 3 years i still fail to reflect God's presence in my life, my current lifestyle needs loads of working on.

The many things that i ramble about in my blog, the many random revealed somewhat personal thoughts and emotions (haha some of my cell kids say im a crazy girl obsessed with getting attached muahahaha) -- if these personal emotions have failed to show a life that is concerned with being in line with God's word, this life needs loads of improvement.

Haha so is the problem with the blog or with the lifestyle? Should be the latter. But it's not nice displaying dirty lingerie in public - that's why there's a problem with the blog.

Can you believe i feel like sleeping now? Haha... wondering why i'm thinking in such a weird way then... WHEEEE!!!

Post-exam

Exams are finally over!!! Yippeee!!! =)

Well let me fill you in on the weird stuff i've been thinking about over exams...
1) I think Christmas time is a nice season to get attached. =) The feel about christmas is just so nicee... happy.... romantic. (and the weather is nicer too, kinda) Wheeee!
2) Hmmm if there was any deeper meaning to Enchanted than the superficial meanings, i couldn't understand them.
3) INFLUENZA CAMP is coming up next!

Randommmmmm.

Ahhhhhh!!!

Haha ok shujing is in somewhat of a mentally instability cos she keeps thinking back about just now when she played piano for sunday service. Haha. It's one of the times when i keep on muttering to myself, sometimes smiling and laughing and at other times cringing at myself.. it's the kind of i-wanna-dig-a-hole-and-hide-in-in feeling.

The best part i played? The pre-service prayer time. Haha. =) I didn't i was supposed to play for it, then just randomly thought of a chord progression and played. Funny eh. Haha. I was playing quite a few wrong notes (and i think i gave the horrified kind of expression, hope no one caught it... hehhh).

It's still so much easier to play at home than in front of like everybody. Yea true it's playing to God... but, can't help feeling slightly nervous but anyway, i really enjoyed the praise song. Awwww. (well worship songs were my stress time... the weird momenttt) Oh anyway, haha, even if at home i can come up with rifts which i personally think are cool (haha, maybe not by your standards), but playing during service just automatically stones my hands.

But i rebuke that in Jesus' name.

Haha, there, you've got a vocalised thought process of the stuffs that's running within my head now.

Wheee!!! Oh and i realised im whining more nowadays. Boohoo. Haha. (But really, God's so good that there's anything substantial for me to whine about anyway)

So that's it, one of the puny milestones in my life. (The other mini milestone is the time i played for the first time for CFC service... by myself! Haha and i got the chords for the last song totally wrongggg but ah well. Thank God i've improved a little over the last 2 years to be able to recognize chord progressions now... haha, actually it'll be weird if i dont)

Shujing the piano-player (i hope i have the guts to put down pianist some day) who plays for the audience of One. =)

Growing uP

Wheeeee!!!!!

With uni life comes a new set of challenges, a new set of possible setbacks, a new set of excitement, a new set of schedule....

Oh did i mention i'd have a 3 day week next term? Haha.

I need some sleep!!!! I need some time out with God and God alone. And i need people to buy CFFF tickets from me. Haha.

Looking forward to YM camp!!!! Go cell go cell (shujing waves a huge banner around to all her cell kids out there.... the banner says, "love you all!")

That's all on Shujing's brain for now. It's too filled with loads of other stuffiesss that she doesnt want to talk about here.

Creative thinkin'.

Wheee~

Haven't had much of a time to do much thinking nowadays... and really, it's not like it's necessary to think a lot. I'm happy with not thinking a lot. Cos with thinking u usually complicate things (and sometimes when you complicate things you get unnecessairly emo). Like x = y^2, so x^2 + x becomes Y^4 + y^2... like, the latter answer is quite redundant in becoming a better disciple of Christ, no? Well actually maybe it all depends on what you think about... thinking might go 3 ways. 1st to the road of being a better disciple of Christ cos you think about His Word, 2nd to the road of emo-ing cos the more you think the sadder you think something is, and finally the road to nowhere. (Ooh and i just realised even thinking about not thinking is thinking in itself)

Ok anywayssss.

Don't feel like summarizing what major events happened in my life in the past few days. But those events did include the YM post-party and all. Dear cell kids, sorry for scolding you all so much k. Anyway, we might do precepts instead of growing in grace soon so be prepared!!! (the crazy overseer in practice)

*Shujing coughs...*

I was kinda sick just now, but now have quite recovered already. Thanks for all your prayers! =)

(Does a spin, twirls around, and drops back into reality

Song Craze...

Whee okie i'm currently crazy over a few non-so-christianny 'secular' song. All old songs rediscovered/discovered by me only lately. Haha.

3rd on the list... "Because of you" by Jesse McCartney. Well... don't know why i like this song, but helps me recall the times of OT in EY (probably cos there was once during OT i kept on listening to this song, thanks to sylvia's mp3 player wheee).

2nd on the list... "God must have spent a little more time on you" by Nsync. Haha. The first time i listened to this song i remember thinking that it's kind of wrong cos like God spends a lot of time on everyone and He doesn't have any favourites lehhh... haha. But somehow now i convinced myself it wasn't that wrong. Actually, i was thinking it might be cool to have this song played for my wedding! =) (drifts off into a dreamy imagination...)

1st on the list... "The Answer" by Corinne May. Hehh... it's just nice laaa... do i have to elaborate why? Haha. Cos the tune's from Jupiter... a band song. Haha. No wonder i found it so super familiar. It's super nice kk...

If anybody has any of these songs, i would appreciate it if you could send it to me! Haha cos otherwise i'd have to rely on my happy youtube to listen to these songs lehhhh...

Thanks thanks! =)

Happy bed! =)

Whee i got a new bed yesterday (after being mean and kinda scolding the saleslady over the phone cos they installed the bed frame wrongly...). Yeps. So, should be getting better sleep. Now my daddy says my bedroom (which is the master bedroom, shared with my sis) looks like a hotel room. Hehh and it does. My parents are soooooo good to me la. =) Thank God for blessing me with such really nice and good and understanding parents. So, instead of feeling guilty for being not-a-very-good daughter, i should be a better child of God and bless them back instead. =)

Wellies i'm in school again, waiting for a project meeting to start. Those slacker bored moments.

Just heard a bit of thunder. Prayed for the rain to stop cos metamorphosis is still going on and the kids are at sentosa now (probably). Hope they're having fun. So sad my class timings clash with meta like crazy.

You know sometimes when you're fasting, then you become so much more hungry for foodieee, and you get gastric pain when you usually don't? Similarly (or not so similarly), you get more hungry for God when you become more conscious that you're not that soaked in His presence 24h per day 7 days a week.

Haha it has been a disjointed post. Nopes i don't have any big compliants or principles or drama recital today. I'm quite happy with my currently very much tranquil life that's almost predictable in its happenings... but somehow i get the feeling something big's brewing outside... in the good sense, and in the bad sense as well. =)

Early randomness.

My MSN personal message thingie was "you have stolen my heart with just one glance of your eyes" for a little while.

Hah reactions can be generally classified into 3 cases.
1) "Wow, i didn't know i was so powerful"
2) "Oh, you mean Shujing has got a boyfriend?"
3) "Yew, another hopeless romantic."

(The third reaction would usually be my reaction if i had seen someone else's personal message with something to this extent written)

Obviously, nah, Shujing's not a hopeless romantic who has fallen in love with her so-called prince charming who came along riding a white horse. Neither has she fallen in love at first sight with any boy she saw down the street.

Notice i didn't put any CAPS for any of the words? It's cos it's not addressed by me to anybody.

It's supposed to be addressed to me by God.

Hee.

I got that line from Song of Songs.

As a reminder, that it's not all that difficult really, to catch God's attention. =)

He is still in love with me.

New band life?

I'm still adjusting to SMU band life.

It's so different from both secondary school and JC... and i guess that's a good thing.

But everybody's views about band are so vastly different... the preconceptions about band we had, the experiences and brushes so far and yadayada... they're so different!

Well it's not all bad... but it's not all good either. Hmmm...

Dunno.

Hah.

Whee!

Thanks Kenneth for the Op Meta Promo!

Huikoon... i'll find your blog soon.

My darling YM cell kids (if you all ever read this...), don't forget about God while you all are studying k.

My darling YA cell... whee, you all really keep me sane, especially mid-week. =)

Hee okie.

Well i've got to go do constructive stuff now. Byebye! =)

Pit-stop! =)

It's end of saga already, so it's time now for a pit-stop. =)

Listening to this sermon about "has the child in you died?".

I don't want to ever lose that child-like innocence, even though somewhat maturing wisdom is good as well. Can i have both at the same time? Yes... but i'll have to work hard at it.

Loving God now isn't a matter of sheer passion... or rather, i'm teaching myself not to depend on the passion. Loving God now is a matter of attachment... but i do hope soon enough that attachment will become fire again.

Maybe i should throw away all my concieved ideas over my happy approximate 2 years and 9 months of being a christian, and really take God for what He says again. =)

Take 3rd class in the bus, cos there's no 4th class to go to.

Call for an end.

There are too many sagas happening in my life nowadays.

It's time to stop all these sagas.

Learn from all my mistakes (being unnecessarily emo), and be decisive and do whatever i've decided upon.

Yay, Shujing's simple life, here i come again! =)

Call for an end.

Hee there are far too many sagas happening in my life now already. It's time to end all these sagas (hopefully this wont be another saga in itself).

=)

I need to make a firm decision and do it, and not be too emotional in things.

Make to the simple life of Shujing! Yipppeee!!!! =)

What to make out of this all.

Hee it's 10min to my project meeting and i've been slacking so far since my class ended at 12. What a productive way to end my battery life by blogging here. -.-

Hee maybe it's a growing up thing... but somehow, these days, i'm much more acutely aware of my emotions, my feelings, and the things that fill my mind. Well that means that i become more aware of the much junk i place in my mind.

Not junk junk. But i stepped into school this morning with the same kind of mild dread and a feeling of just-getting-it-over-and-done-with... the kind i used to experience in JC, although the syndrome was much more pronounced then for certain reasons. (and then i start psychoing myself with my whole Jonah + territory story)

And i've come to the realisation of the word "instinct" and its many uses... my actions and thoughts are most of the time instinctive... not because it's not a result of logical thinking, but because sometimes instincts just mean that your past experiences/emotions/feelings have already been taken into consideration. I tried thinking through one of my instinctive emotions... and well, it led me all the way back to my JC days, and the source doesn't even start there.

We're meant to be self-determined creatures... but maybe i'm using my mind in the wrong way already.

God, fill me up with the thoughts You want me to think, and fill me up with the joy and the peace that surpasses all understanding. I've completed another route around the mind game run already, and i'm back here with You again. Lead me out of this circle and forward into that plan You have for me Lord.

I'm weak.

But He's strong.

Trouble's over!!! =)

Whee yay i officially announce the end of trouble. =)

I didn't get into band exco!!!

YES YES YES!!!

Haha. Which means... i can go for music prac more often! =)

Crossroads

I guess i brought myself to this crossroad which could have never existed...

Music prac vs Band.

Haha.

Hehh you might be wondering what's the big fuss about that? Cos its more than just one activity of Shujing's life replacing anymore. It's a complicated issue which actually led me to rethink my spiritual walk with God.

Obvious decision? My leaders are generally saying no. But why is it so hard to say no now but it was so easy to say no then? I was happily leaving band early then cos i had to rush off to church for music practice. Why not now? Why is it at this time in my life when ministry is getting so much more fruitful that i have placed myself in such a situation that threathens to jeopardize my church stuff? Why?

Because of wrong intentions? Because of hidden motives? Because i never dared asking God about it for i had my own agenda to fulfill? Because... perhaps... i never trusted God that much to know that He can provide for anything? Because of a sudden self-righteousness that makes it hard to put down my pride and obey God?

Hee, think integrity issues. My integrity is in constant testing now. Cos i think integrity is harder to exercise with peer pressure (albeit positive ones) around.

Does my soul long for you as the deer pants for the water, as much i as did? Is it already diluted by 1 month of school? I should never have been in this position ever.

Better is one day in Your courts, than a thousand elsewhere.

Imperfection.

Hello, you are currently reading the blog of a highly imperfect person living in a imperfect world.

I just pray i'd stay sane from the humongous things to consider and think about that are flooding my way, and that i'd stay simple in a exceedingly complicated world, and that i'd stay true to Christ even though many people don't think He's real.

Hai, and i'm only 19, can you believe it?

First time. =)

Whee. I guess i should kinda blog today... cos... I SHARED FOR THE FIRST TIME FOR SERVICE YESTERDAY!!!

Haha.

Well... uh... i actually turned EMO after that. So stupid la. Shujing acts quite stupid sometimes (not all the time i hope). ARGH.

Haha.

So now in a better frame of mind, and recognizing that God actually gave me a very deep sense of peace after YM service, i should actually say that... my sharing for service might not be that bad after all. =) I mean, yea of course things to change... (including talking too fast cos i was somewhat nervous and it showed) but well, the service is after all in the hands of God and it's the Holy Spirit that convicts. =)

Oh but anyway, i was at YA service yesterday. Decided i needed to stay off sharing for bible study for my cell for a little while (haha i figured that nobody actually brought their growing in grace anyway...). Whee. My mind was half at service and half thinking about my sharing and wanting to dig a hole and hide in it kind of feeling. But anyway. Yes, manhood. =) Funny thing was, i was feeling stressed even though the whole sermon was challenging the guys. Cos im always thinking, a REAL man would require a REAL woman. And erm, haha, i'm just a mediocre girl, how to match up to a real man, huh? Hai. Haha. Well that's precisely why i'm giving myself 2 more years (clock's ticking away) before i get into ANY relationship. Haha.

Enough about me being a mediocre girl. Within these two more years, i still got a strong YM cell to oversee, more people to save, and more academic studies to study. =) There's no time to waste.

Oh and today is the first day of me not going for sunday service. Hai. I hope i do study well at home... i mean, i need to make full use of this cos its at the expense of spending time with God's church know.

Okie okie i shall say hi to lunch now. Byebye! =)

Borneo and its meaning

Whee I'm tempted to blog again although it's my time slot for studying econs now.

Ok quick updates first. School has been FUN. Really. I love the content of the modules this term... and to a certain extent the class participation bit cos it really makes everything more fun and interactive (though it can get a little stressful when you know your grades are counted...). Hee enough of school updates for now.

I love saturdays and sundays cos they are a holiday from the fighting and struggling and drag and stress of the weekdays. (Hee but bearing in mind that the holiday is just a respite and a preparation for the longer battle in the week ahead) But anyways haha we all need Sabbaths ok, it's biblical! =) So yes, i love saturdays and sundays and all the time i spend with my church friends and the time i spend with God worrying not about getting my degree but instead worrying of how i'm not or not growing enough in Him.

And... MY YM CELL HAD 14 PPL YESTERDAY FOR POST PARTY!!! (It was almost a full attendance just that we were missing Rachel and Christine and Sarah Swee) AND WE HAD TWO NEWCOMERS, JOYCE AND MELISSA! Haha. Yesyes cell, i'm really proud of you all. =) God will be happy too in all your efforts to bring His lost children back to Him again.

And... ooh about Borneo... Haha. Today we had a Missionary pastor from the interior. Cool huh. Guess what. He has 100+ in his house everyday la! And he picks up stray kids and really saves and feeds them (he showed us some photos, and they really look different!). Hee cool cool! =) So amazing how God is moving in his ministry and using his life for such a great purpose. ... Which lead me to think, hee am i walking in God's will for my life now right at this moment and am i availing myself to be used powerfully by Him? Hee maybe... or maybe not... but i shall try. =)

For now, i'm quite sure my calling is to be a good student (besides serving in YM and all la), so books, here I come!!! =)

(Haha. To some ppl, 'persecution' in modern day terms is studying. Heh. But really, even studying is a happy thing when done for the Lord. :) Praise the Lord!)

Commitment. =)

Ok let me remind myself again, i strive for full commitment to Christ. Everything is meaningless other than the things done for Christ. Don't go for the goals for Christ and in the process leave Christ out of the equation.

As for me, I will serve the Lord!

The Jitters...

This is one day before my uni lesson life officially starts.

And... i'm kinda scared.

After having laughed at everyone start school, i'm now currently trying to laugh at myself but it's not working!

My attempt to contact some fellow uni churchies is futile (oh ya i still don't have many of your msn addresses i realised, but ah well), cos they're watching the National Day Address now? Heh.

I think we should really look into forming a uni support group... And we could follow in the general style of Psalms... whine for majority of the session and cry on each others' shoulder as if the sky's going to fall down the day after, but at the end of each session still praise God for the blessing of placing us in our schools and remind each other that there is where our mission field lies for now.

Haha ok maybe not, i'm just being a little anxious right now about school.

So let's see... i shall check out my timetable now and then proceed on to do QT.

=)

Wheee!!!!

Thanks loads to my darling cell for celebrating my birthday!!! (And making me blow my birthday candles from far far away...) You guys rock my world. =)

Thanks loads to all the YMers too. It was a funny "kidnapping session" and hiding under the black cloth awaiting the announcement of our birthdays.

And my binge eating has offcially started yesterday during YM leader's retreat with the Ben & Jerry's ice cream and the steamboat.

Being the free me today, i went to watch Rush Hour 3 with Jayne, MeiYian, James, Kenneth, Sam (Kenneth's friend) and Alex. Exciting movie, although i think i would actually laugh more if you brought me to er, Rahtetooeee or something. Cute rat ok. And the new almighty show, the Noah's Ark one. Haha. I was obviously bored after 1/2 a day of Sims... Well. This is my rest-and-play week.

Oh ya and i've got to record this down... hmmm i was at camp from thur to sat right, so i didn't do QT on thur and fri night... other than listening to the song "take me away with You" while going to sleep i guess... it was just 2 days of somewhat being not-that-close to God... and when i went for YM service on Sat, the moment i started praying in tongues, it was OOOOSSSHHH... the feeling in my heart was so different as i sensed God's presence again. It's really like, better is one day in His courts than a thousand days elsewhere.

Haha talking about camp, i was complaining to Sarah Lin during the camp that i'm worried about my new mission field in school and stuffs (say hi to the new uni culture), and i was saying that church guys are much better than uni guys (at least church guys don't speak so much vulgarities). Hai.

See, my mind is traveling all over the place again. It's 1.10am now, interesting that i'm still up at this time, but i guess i should do this kind of late night thing now before school starts and i really need my beauty sleep. =)

Sequel to my birthday!

Haha it's a day after my first day of being 19.

As you all know, I've changed my computer so i've lost all my bookmarks. So, i revisited the blogs (and the links) just now. (haha, i was supposed to do QT in this time slot but my sis is still sleeping and we share the same room so YA...) Discovered a few new blogs which i never knew existed previously (now i do!), and realised that i'm somewhat linked somehow through some blogs (eeks.).

So to my dear shujing's-blog-readers out there, i am very-unpleased to announce that...

Shujing has single-handedly ruined her own birthday.

How, you might ask? I got angry at my parents.

About what, you might continue proding? At not allowing me to go buy doughnuts and having a cake instead.

Ok the real situation is probably much more complex than that, involving 18 years of, stuff.

So yes, Shujing spent the last 2 hours of her 19th birthday crying and getting angry at herself and calling herself stupid all over and over again. It was like, hey girl, "VERY WELL DONE", you've dishonoured your parents again even though you're parents are such blessings and you got childish again and are prevented them from hearing the gospel from you AGAIN.

Argh.

It's painful even reliving these memories from yesterday.

But well, i apologized to my dad yesterday before saying i needed to sleep and bursting into a sob in my bedroom. And stuck a piece of note on the bathroom cupboard thing in the morning apologizing and all.

So i've managed to get rid of a bit of my own guilt towards my stupid idoitic outburst of childishness yesterday night by apologizing.

Hai. Don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm going to cry again.

So, yes, this is the weak part of Shujing. Not the weakest though.

Are you ready to see more sides of Shujing? I guess i'll get exposed to more of my own weaknesses especially in this season of growing in God... cos i have been asking God to reveal my weaknesses to me so that i can work to strengthen them. Haha. So for all you shujing's-blog-readers out there, be prepared for more scoops from Shujing's life. =)

My birthday! =)

Haha thanks to all those who have made my 19th birthday a really blessed one... Nelson (who has been constantly reminding me that my birthday is nearing, haha), Vanessa, Coral, Mishuelle, Fang Xian, Winnie, Jayne, Kenneth, Meiyian, James, Xiuyu, Hui Koon, Alex, Bertrand, the whole Poh family including Pastor Mark, Aunty Aye Lan and Faithe, Christine, Avelene and Serene and my whole YM cell. =)

Oh special thanks to Winnie and Kenneth who went with me to Simpsons movie and refused to let me pay for anything. I really appreciate that. =) I mean, not the not paying part la, but the kind gesture. =)

And of course God. =)

It has been 19 years... 19 long years, kinda... many mistakes made, bad character built, disobedient times etc etc... but i guess the past no longer matters now. Time to look forward to a blessed future now. =)

Thanks again, everybody!

Random. =)

This is insanity... it's 1am already and i'm still awake.

Cos i've gotten my new Saviour of the World CD!!! From Sarah Lin. So i'm rather busy now previewing all my songs.

Oh wells. I'm going to sleep soon i think. Really can't take it. Eeks i wonder which organ of my body is working properly because i'm not sleeping and letting my body rejuvenate at the correct times.

Anyway. Yes, i'm going to get rid of my pride and my ego this season. It was put on hold for some time... seemed like i was still in my kiddish spiritual days that even if i didn't get rid of my pride, i would still have a whole lot of area to grow. But now, it's time for me to confront my pride. It seems to be a ceiling... if i breakthrough this, i'd probably grow in leaps and bounds.

So just a reminder Shujing, don't feed your pride anymore!

I think as the days go past, i don't dare to that confidently say that i love Jesus anymore... i mean, i do so many things to hurt Him and stuffs... but i still would say, God is so good to me.

Thank You Lord. You're the best. =)

A random post on a God-given monday morning. =)

I am typing this whilst attempting to listen to a sermon about redeeming the marketplace. =) The sermon's making a lot of sense now...

But haha, i've this already-in-built habit of trying to maximise time (in one way or another). That's the nice way of putting things... an alternate way to express what i'm doing, is just that my brain wanders off a little so i'd just do two things i would be doing anyway simountaneously. =)

So whilst i listen to being-a-christian-starts-on-monday, i was thinking about yesterdays's ex-cell reunion.

Haha it was hilarious. I mean, bits of it. Some parts of it were more serious and no joke.

Um belonging to the category of serious stuffs... Sarah asked me a random question about how i got into YM comm, and really i don't know how. Haha! Hm. But i do hope i'm really being (or trying to be) a good overseer though. And wells other confidential stuffs.

Belonging to the hilarious side, yucks i dont like the chicky smell on my hands! Haha. I mean, i'm fine with marinating chicken and stretching them and all, but please gimme hand soap. Ahhh! Haha actually if you knew me really well, you would know that i'm not a very cleannn kinda person with an obsesssion with keeping myself fresh and nice, but i have a fascination with nice smelling hands. It goes back a long way to some interesting encounter... haha i won't talk about it here though in case anybody laughs at me for thinking that way, but suffice to say that i prefer not to raise my physically dirty-smelling hands to the Lord. =) Oh another thing under the 'hilarious' category, the Gatsby advertisement. Due to Coral's ingenuity, the already-funny-to-start-with advertisement has an added dimension to it. Haha. I would certainly laugh at this in a few years' time when i look back at all these times.

Hee i'm going to hop to SMU in a while's time, and i'll be hopping somewhere else to shop after the orientation thingy (talk about maximising time. =)).

But hee, let me just remind myself that i'm in this season of stretching myself... simply because God answered my prayer that hey-i-should-be-doing-more-than-this-in-my-life. Haha. So cute eh. There are some prayers that God would definetly be super glad to answer and can answer with more immediacy than others.

All in all, i praise the Lord for all the blessings that He has given me. *Muacks* to God! =)

You raise me up. =)

I was supposed to listen to a sermon on my computer because i wanted to charge my mp3 player and didn't want to waste the battery from there.

I went to download the sermon... and whilst waiting for the sermon to be loaded, the kapo-ness in me caught up and i went to peep at people's blogs. Haha.

After reading a few blogs, well, i figured out all our minds are filled with different things and it seems as though we live in different dimensions but we do live in this same world, just that "our own world" is different.

Haha. That's just a random reflection of what i fill up my mind with.

Well i went for a sleepover with fang xian, winnie, xiuyu and huikoon on mon-tue night. Something really good came out of watching white chicks, the sam-soon thing and snacking and looking at fang xian's photos. We talked about some 'stuffs', probably the usual things girls would talk about at sleepovers? Haha then again, we're a peculiar bunch of people.

Ok so the main point for myself is... i figured i gotta breakthrough out of my current spiritual level.

Now i've got some kind of a deep respect for people who stick to their christian values strongly, people who hear from God, people who get revelations/visions from God just like that.

What have i become after 2 years and 4 months of walking with God?

I'm not contented.

There has to be something more out of my life than what it is now.

There must be a higher calling than to merely survive society by scoring good grades in uni and then going off to have a good job, get married and have kids, retiring afterwards and living by the accumulated CPF money.

If i'm greedy, i would say i must have a higher calling than just helping lizzy lead my cell like that... i can and should be a better cell overseer than i am now.

Flashbacks to last weekend about Pastor Mark and Pastor Jonathan's sermons.

There must be something more.

And i got to break through to reach that amount of God's blessings, to get heard from heaven.

I haven't been to the movies for a considerably long time, i don't know about the latest fashion, i can't tell the actors and actresses apart from one another, i'm not even half as exciting as other people...

But i think for this season of my life, i don't mind being boring... i don't mind being homogenous... If i'm bad at multi-tasking and i can only concentrate on one part of my life, this has to be it.

I'm just going to fill up my mind with the purposes of God.

You raise me up. =)

Stand firm! =)

Uni's going to start... and i'm only half excited...

Before i forget, i'd better list down my priorities...

LOVING GOD will always be my top priority, followed closely behind by LOVING GOD'S PEOPLE.

I really really don't want to live for myself... argh, it's a sick life, and a sick life mentality.

Hey wait a minute... love God isn't just a "priority"....

COS GOD IS MY LIFE!

1 Jhn 5:11," And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has life; He who does not have the Son of God does not have life".

Hebrews 12:1, "Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us".

1 Peter 5:8, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

ChURCH cAMP! =)

Warning, this will be a possibly long post because i will be attempting to recollect my memories of church camp '07.

Overall, it was awesome... the food was ok, the room eventually became more dear to me (at least the scenery was nice, haha), the services were mega-ly crazy in a good way and God's presence was so strong each day. =) Even some of the adults were happily there at the altar area for praise and worship la... =)

Day 1 (11/6)

It was a happy morning and we met at 8.30am in church. Haha. It was so cute la, cos all of us were wearing the blue coloured church t shirt. =) I borrowed lizzy's green pillow in preparation for the long bus ride... Oh and hee here's a random fact, Lydia found out that kenneth is actually her secondary school friend and they hit it off really well i think (cos kenneth was the one talking to lydia when i was sleeping on the bus ride... haha!). Ok back to my bus ride, so ya, i was sitting with lydia. And i tried sleeping for the entire bus trip. But was half awake and half sleeping though i was really tired cos of all the noise behind me heh. So i experimented with different sleeping positions. In the end, i placed my knees on the back of the seat in front so i was in some kind of curving position, which was actually quite comfortable. Haha. We stopped at malacca for lunch, it was er, ok... i was busy grabbing noodles haha!

Upon reaching the resort itself, we had i think 1 1/2h free time to settle in. On first sight and inspection the resort room was pretty ok but nothing really fantastic... i mean, the toilet couldnt flush properly! Haha. And we didnt know if the air-conditioner was switched on or off. But at least we had a nice view of the volleyball court (where many ppl played ball and stuffs), and also kind of the swimming pool la. And ohohoh, my room number's A-5-38A. =)

First service was a pretty good start. =) Martin Steel first told us about expectation, and that God will multiply that expectation and stuffs. Guess that was the point when we all woke up and figured out, "hey, we've got to be expecting something more from this camp". And it was quite up hill from there. He went on to speak about us being created to do good works, and that our destiny isnt just a particular event or occupation we eventually land in, but its a summation of the good works the we've done and we're going to do. The call of God in our lives is an addition of all the small/big/menial/important events in our lives. These events are not random. =)

After the service, i got lizzy and faithe to my room and we kinda wrote a letter to a person in our cell... haha. Some plan i had (we did that only for the 1st 2 days though... so plan eventually fell through.). I sent lizzy and faithe back to their rooms at around 11pm... so scary k! Haha.

Day 2 (12/6)

Woke up early to go for prayer. =) It was cool la. And like lotsa youths were there... =) Pastor Khoon Mei was sharing for prayer, and she led us to do this prophetic act of drinking the water from the river of the life by forming a barrel and stuffs. It might seem funny to those who don't know better, but it really seems that spiritually we're really drinking in that water. =)

Then it was breakfast. Which i was happily grabbing cos i was going to fast lunch that day. It was ok, was kapping the cereal. =)

Went for morning service. =) The good works that we're called to do might be spontaneous, but they're not random. Martin Steel said that the calling of God upon your life could be made more known by asking these questions...
1) What makes you laugh?
2) What makes you cry?
3) What makes you dream?
4) What do you do about it then?
Cool eh. Haha. Your calling would be something you have a burden for. But i was thinking about it and i figured out, i didnt have a burden for YM right from the onset, but the burden grew as i begin to start loving the people, dreaming about the cell and stuffs. =)

I fasted lunch so slept all the way from 12 until around 4... woke up and did QT for one hour. It was really a powerful QT... could feel God's presence and guess what, i was praying about my guilt trip thing and i read the same verses that Martin Steel preached about the next morning. Interesting eh.

Night service was about submission to authority / resourcing. There was kind of an altar call at the end of the service and i cutely went up. Haha. But really, i've this hidden dream of being some businesswoman of some kind. Settle the finances bit, then other ppl can focus more on really pastoring the ppl and stuffs. And it's like quite argh when i wanna bless someone but figure i don't have the cash required to do so. It's a hidden dream la. =)

This was the night the YMers were gathered and Aunty Aye Lan and Sarah Lin told us that YM's sick and dying if we don't do something about it. It was life-changing... especially for the YMers there. Suddenly you own the ministry... it's yours... it's everybody's, and we're going to work to make it happen. =)

Talked to faithe and lizzy after that again. This time, faithe and i sent lizzy back, and eventually pastor mark and aunty aye lan came to pick faithe up.

Oh i think it was this night when my really nice angel gave me a nice float. But the content of the letter gave the identity of my angel (or at least her clique) away... haha. Funny la, besides the people in my YM cell, i rarely tell anybody else that i want kids... so like only fx etc would know. Oh and i guessed accurately that the first letter was written by Sarah Seow. =)

Day 3 (13/6)

Sarah Lin shared for morning prayer... and it was a lot of speaking in tongues and just praying like that. The powerful thing about it? It's a one hour kinda thing mind you, but it felt short and i felt really powered up after that already. =)

Morning service was about "from guilt to freedom". I just soaked in whatever was said. =)

All the YMers fasted lunch, and me faithe and lizzy gathered in my room to pray... 45min just went past like that, it was really cool la. =)

Afternoon message was reallypowerful. It was for the youths, so Martin Steel shared about the gifts of the Holy Spirit... we're a generation that asks whether or not it can work, but would it work for me?

The night service was just an explosion of youths giving their visions and stuff. =) The message was about dealing with discouragement. And refer to Ezekiel 29:18... THEY SOWED A CITY, TO REAP A NATION. Try again, try again, try again, it might just be your breakthrough this time round...

During the altar call that night, we stood as a whole church again, in saying that, yes we will go once again, even if the past few trips were futile, we believe that this time we'd reap a nation. =)

CFC was gathered after the service... people continued giving their visions and what God had inputed in their hearts to speak out to the ministry. =) I ended giving mine last, and after that Roland took over and told us it's not going to be easy and we've got to rid ourselves of the little foxes inside us. GoP met up too, and we decided on everybody fasting on wednesday for the ministry. =) The leaders are embarking (i mean, have embarked on) a 40-day fast for GoP. =)

Went back to my room with faithe and lizzy, we just talked about what had happened, the visions and dreams we've got for the cell and stuffs. =)

Day 4 (14/6)

We had a really special prayer time that morning - soaking. We really all brought our pillows and some of us even blankets down to sleep and all. It was a time of refreshment... which is timely cos a lot of times prayer warfare will be pouring out of yourself instead of feeding yourself. Slept until 8.30, haha!

Morning service, last service with Pastor Martin Steel was about the Price of Presumption. Many a times we think that other people have a smaller capacity of understanding and knowing God, but actually that's not true. And we were challenged that for 30 days, we would treat everybody as though they are the people in church whom we talk to about spiritual stuff on saturdays and sundays. =)

I had music practice after service and fasted lunch. Then i went back to my room to have a chat with Vanessa and Sarah Lin. Haha. It was cute la. =) Then i think Coral etc came back to and joined us. Water baptism took place at 3, afterwhich i went for a short swim... cos i really wanted to play on that slide at least. Heh.

It was that night which was really peculiar... with regards to what was peculiar, haha, i shall not make everything known here in case i've got secret readers here whom i wouldn't naturally share all this with.

But really, it was peculiar and in the end it became a good thing... spent some time before i fell asleep re-committing everything, and probably this would define an important part of my life for the next 2 years to come. =) It was good, really.

Day 5 (15/6)

Haha, i'm finally here. The peculiarity carried on from the previous night. It seems as if i had to be somewhat thrown into some kind of weird-ity or discouragement even before i went back to Singapore. I broke my specs on the way back to Singapore (cos i was as usual, sleeping and stuffs... haha). And when i got home i had to clear some stuffs which made me kinda like, argh.

But it's this peculiarity of the last nights which actually got me onto my feet...

It's no longer honeymoon from here, but a battle...

And of course, with every opposition comes a opportunity. =)

Keep me strong in You Lord, and keep the flame burning within me. =)

Hello hello hello! =)

What explains this free time to blog here? Haha, i ponned emerge. I'd better not make ponning events a habit, it's bad, really. But i had stuffs to do too.

Anyway. The main purpose of my blogging here.

Yesterday at emerge, liu gen hong proposed to vivi wang (i think that's the correct way to romanize their names. Haha.) during service in front of the whole church!!!

Haha, well, i had that kind of dream too k... that my boyfriend will propose to me in church. Hee. Really really, no kidding, i dreamt about it before yesterday's event happened. I mean, hey, it's so sweet! And it's a wonderful thing to be proposed to in front of your friends and loved ones (my cell kids!). Ah. Haha. Ok i'd better stop all this squealing. Oh and i happily announced that i want my boyfriend to propose to me in church (i'm going crazy about this!)... but i guess i've to find a boyfriend first (after i turn 21)... and meiyian advised me that i should lower my standards (well understandably since according to my current standards, probably only 3 guys in the whole wide world would get shortlisted. Haha.). Oh well oh well. God has a plan anyway. =) And my requirements... haha you can ask me separately. Depending on how good mood and how much sanity i have (if i'm not thinking clearly i might just tell you everything), i'd tell you about that.

Haha... and the "cell ppl shouldnt have secrets with one another" thing is getting back at me now. Whatever i say gets automatically publicized. Ok actually i'm ok about it cos i really believe in the cell-ppl-shouldnt-have-secrets-with-one-another thing... but, ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

And... CHURCH CAMP IS COMING!!! Whee! =)
(That means bible quiz is coming too... oppsy)

Ok actually i'm not really free anymore.

I should go do more constructive stuffs now. =)

Gold with honours! =)

VJ BAND GOT GOLD WITH HONOURS!!! =)

At the last minute i went crazy and went to my supervisor to get 2h leave and headed off to SCH. I was seriously excited and anxious, and when VJ band was playing, i felt as if i were playing myself la!

And it's a really 'magical' feeling to winning. It's indescribable. It's like... ahhhh!!!!

And today made me miss band again... miss the music and creating music... it's an art, it's an art. =) The dynamics, tempo, articulation, interpretation of the music... haha, it's something that non-band ppl would never get.

But well... i'll really get that whole winning feeling when i reach heaven... when the saints of all ages come together and shout praises cos Jesus has conquered death.

Hm. So i dont have to miss band that much la. Heh.

God loves me! =)

I'm bursting out with joy right now...

I was just doing QT a moment ago...

Remembered how faithy poh and her sweet act of messaging me a prayer. Then she went into the story of how pastor mark told her to pray for me (on thur) and she didnt dare then she eventually messaged the prayer on sat night/sun morning cos she felt kinda burdened to do that.

Then as i was thinking about that, i recall that on that very thursday faithy poh was told to pray for me, lydia came to pray for me too (at the church corporate prayer) and she said something like God told her to pray for me or something liddat.

Then i was thinking just now, oppsy, is there something superly wrong with me that God has to send 2 people to pray for me... as i was pondering upon this thought...

God told me that, that's His way of showing His love to me. Just like how i think of sending notes to my cell kids to encourage them (oh, i havent done that yet heheh), that's God's love note to me.

Haha. Just wanted to share this really good news with you... cos it really feels good to know that God loves me! =)

And also, another moral of the story, if God prompts you to pray for any person, just do so... u'd never know how it'll impact them! =)

Special thanks for faithey poh and lydia for allowing God to work through them. Love ya! =)

Bewildering things.

I was in a intellectual mode just now and i had some bewildering thoughts.

1) Why do we have to be confident (and by that i mean, believing in oneself, one's capabilities and abilities)?
2) Is being optimistic the right way to put it?

Those rank the highest in the list right now. Haha, anybody who's in the intellectual mode as well, just call me to discuss.

Of course there's the perenially confusing and bewildering things... boy girl relationships. Ugh. Shudders shudders. What kind of trouble do people get themselves too by making a rash decision to commit to a relationship... tsk tsk. Better pray for wisdom when my time for that arrives.

Labour Day Holiday!!! =)

Ahha here's comes my sabbath - it's labour day tomorrow!!! Woohoo! My long-awaited beauty sleep is here. Yay yay yay!

But of course, there are still things to do...
1) Dream and pray about the bible quiz
2) QT!!! (My everyday necessity)
3) Some time to do what i've always wanted for my cell
4) Exercise!!!
5) Go to a hair salon to get my hair soft-rebonded and highlighted.... (muahahaha)

Ok that's about it.

Ooh, and i'm free to go out tomorrow! =)

The favour of the Lord.

I was living in the shadows about my results and my friends thingie a few days ago... how come my results aren't good, and i don't get as much favour with ppl as do my pre-saved friends? Seemed as if the favour of the Lord wasn't really upon me for a moment.

But NO!!! The favour of the Lord has always been upon me. And this was revealed to me through my darling cell kids. Really, to see them bring friends just pleases me so much, to know about them reading the bible so much just blows my mind away, to see them grow in God just makes me see so clearly that the favour of the Lord is upon us... how else would we be able to grow and i grow in my love for them too? It's only by His grace; not by our own works that we should boast. To see how my cell is growing just makes me so happy and all! Whee!!!! =)

The favour of the Lord is upon me. Very very much. I'm a child of God, a child who has an inheritance in her Father, a child who has an abundant life because she knows Jesus Christ. =)

Maybe this is a good time for me to remind myself of what i just read in the book of Job... God didn't really give Job direct answers to all his questions, He just challenged Him to believe and have faith again. In this season, as my life overflows with the favour of the Lord, and i praise Him for He is so good. But in the future, when problems do arise, i should try to put my trust in Him, no matter what happens.

I thank You Lord, You are so worthy.

No fronts required. =)

Haha i've got to tell you that i haven't been telling you many things about myself, my friend.

I'm on the i've-got-to-be-strong thing. I seem to have grown weaker over the past year and i'm not proud of it.

I don't want to whine or cry or complain to you this much.

I want to cry and whine and complain to God first, let Him speak to me, know His truth, and how i should deal with me.

I need to stop feeding my self-made dramas.

Perhaps i'll let you know what i've been dealing with after i've communicated with God.

Anyway, you probably wouldn't like to hear me whine, do you? Haha, the things i whine about are not really edifying you know. Some of them are genuine worries and thoughts, some others are just plain... uh, my own drama.

Well, if you would like to hear me whine though, you can always give me a call at night (after i do my QT, it's less jarring on the ears then).

But still, even if you do call me, depending on who you are, i'd tell you different things to different extents or package it in a different way. To some of you i'd like to present this side of me, to some of you others i'd like to present another side of me.

Haha. Ok what ambiguous terms.

Only God will know everything about me... good, bad, sad, happy, strong, weak and everything else. And guess what, He still loves me no matter what.

No fronts required. =)

The sound of victory.

The enemy has been defeated, cos death couldn't hold You down, we're going lift our voice in victory, gonna make Your praises loud...

Shout out to God with a voice of triumph, shout out to God with a voice of praise, shout out to God with a voice of triumph, we lift Your Name up, we lift Your Name up.

Lord, grant victory to the CFC team in karens, and grant victory to the karens people themselves.

John 16:33, "take heart, because I have overcome the world". Amen!!!

Opps.

Ignore the previous post. Now i'm feeling kind of not very good for indulging myself in my own world.

I need to keep focused.

I was too caught up with myself and too self-absorbed.

God and people should be my world. I should be somewhere later in the equation.

Yep.

But thank the Lord, He answers my prayers, the latest being the prayer of helping me be able to pray more. =)

Hello!!! =)

This is a good ole day and i'm like, whee, at home already! =)

Haha. And just read lizzy's blog and fainted when i came upon the last few sentences of the 2nd paragraph. Sean Lee and Lydia? Kinda no link huh. Haha. (yeps you know what i fainted over... like the "ahhhhhhh" feeling... ok actually i didnt faint, if i did i wouldnt be here... heh, form of speech.)

But well i figured out, i ought to be blamed cos i orchestrated the starting bit of it and made use of the whole situation. Poor guy though. Haha, actually it won't be all so complicated if this happened a few years ago cos shujing probably wasnt as smart then. Or maybe i should just read it in a simple way... but haha, that's just making me feel nicer about myself. And i'm not that nice.

Okie back to the uncomplicated things.

We finished the board for the prayer thing, and it looks good actually, thanks to everybody who helped! =)

It's a busy busy time, we're all zooming around with our own stuffies, but it's good bust-ness! =)

Ooh i like the song "You are good" from the jeff deyo surrender album. Haha.

And i was gushing to meiyian yesterday night about all sorts of random collections of stuff. Haha, it got me high for a while.

But today it was back to reality, my weekend holiday was over, now it's back to the battle to shine the light to the world who basically think its all foolishness. Ok that sounds harsh.

Anyway, Jesus has always stayed faithful, and He will be faithful, and His love endures forever!!! =)

Worship. =)

These 2 days (friday and saturday) probably marked the most happening days of my life.

I got back my results yesterday, and frankly speaking i was devastated by the A B C B3, i mean, everybody else gets AAA! I questioned God a lot, i cried a whole lot, and i failed terribly to recognize what i was supposed to do. So i was going on in tears for the whole of late afternoon and night. During pentacost i cried so much during worship i excused myself when worship ended to go to the toilet. (Ooh, thanks to coral for talking to me and stuffs. Hee.) It was only later that night that i slowly figured out that hey, this is God's gift to me, and i should be thankful for it. It took me a while more to figure out that i got it wrong... i looked and the problem and searched for God in it... but i should have looked at God and then look at the so-called problem... which wouldn't have been a problem by then!

Just now Rachael shared about worship. And lo and behold, the story of Abraham about to sacrifice Isaac. It wasn't like God at all to tell Abraham to sacrifice someone (God abhors that kind of practice), and moreover Isaac. But Abraham obeyed anyway, without actually knowing the purpose of it. And Isaac was supposed to be the one through all that descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky are supposed to come from. It didn't make sense. But Abraham still obeyed and worship.

And suddenly it made sense. What was happening to me. Thank God for revealing that, or else i'd still be in that devastated mood (see, God really puts you through only the tests which He knows you can make it). My results was something really important to me (judging by the amount of tears i shed over it and the hard work i've put in), and well, the not-very-good results pretty much horrified me. It was like that promise of i'm-supposed-to-go-out-into-the-world to make money, but i was like, huh now how? Why? But i guess all i have to do is worship. That calf will come along soon enough la. Hee.

But whatever the case, if it takes a A B C for me to understand in more depth a heart of worship and to get closer to God, then i shall say, its worth the small cost... cos the love of my God is priceless and its amount is beyond comprehension. =)

Twinkle twinkle little star! =)

Have i announced my latest idealic plan? Haha. I've decided to keep my mind sane and keep my heart temperate before i get married (not that i'd go crazy after i get married, but uh, its more of the indulging in romantic love thingie). So the part where romantic love would come in mega-ly would be the first year of marriage! Muahaha. In other words, lets say 1 year before i get married i can only spend 2h together alone with the guy... so in the first year of marriage i can go ahead and spend 12h together (duh, we'll be living together haha.). Heh ok call me conservative or whatever, i just don't think it's appropriate for single girls and guys to totally give their hearts away to someone else before marriage sets in. So yes, this is a summary of my oh-so-fantastic-idea.

Moving on now!

Haha yesterday when i reached the 2nd floor after playing for YA service, i immediately heard a prolonged scream (which sounded really familiar)... and it came from faithy poh... and the rest of the cell ppl who were watching Passion of Christ. (haha, yeps, it was my idea.) They said it was scary, but i hope that above everything else, they can get a better picture of what Jesus really did for them and the magnitude of it all and not just some other person dying.

Ooh and we should be getting back our A level results on friday, but still not sure yet at this point of time. I'm excited about it! Cos from the time i started studying, to the time of the actual examination, to the closing of examinations, and until now, i've trusted God with my results. It feels really good, to be able to say that i've done my best, and God can do the rest. =) Hee. So whatever results i get, even if its a CCC, i can actually say that there's a purpose for me in getting that grade.

Okie this has been a long post (partially cos my typing skills have improved tremendously after using the computer everyday during work, so i take less time to type in comparison), so i should end here... attention spans are getting short haha. =)

Thank You Jesus!

Chinese New Year!

Happy Chinese New Year!

This year i had reunion dinner at crystal jade. Haha. I think it was a 9 course meal that included dishes like abalone, shark's fin (the real one with the clear soup), lobster and the usual kind of delicacies. All paid for by my uncle (who just got himself a sports car). How blessed by God eh. =)

That was chinese new year eve. Today, went for visitation at my maternal grandma's house, then went to my paternal auntie's house for dinner. It was fun. And i figured out it's important to get a good job... cos everyone gives the 'wow... not bad ah' reaction when you tell them you're working at ernst & young. (i should remember to say that its by God's grace that i got in next time someone asks me about it, instead feeding my own ego.) So yes.

But it has been somewhat boring (partially because i have refused to do any work at all...), so finished the "heaven is so real!" book within 2 days. Haha. Well, at least i did something constructive to feed my spiritual man. =)

I'm going to sleep till 11am tomorrow. Muahhaa. That should be around 11h of sleep. That's super coolness! Heh, sleeping is like my luxurious hobby.

Okok i should stop all this yakking around. Pardon the not-so-accurate english.

Have a blessed chinese new year, cos Jesus is celebrating it with you too! =)

Praise the Lord, oh my soul.

Haha ok i shall be honest, i felt a lil discouraged this weekend (meaning, wed-fri).

First at work, think i was too careless and the supervisors are not very happy about that.

Secondly, i forgot to perform my duties as ephi head... didn't send the bulletin on time.

Thirdly, well as usual, it was music prac today and i felt my piano playing was not good at all.

But the most discouraging thing was my horrible attitude. I seem to have this huge mega ego which i'm trying hard to boost. UGH! That's bad. Really bad. I'm so childish sometimes.

But oh well... Psalm 34:2 says, "I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are discouraged take heart."

So that's what i'm going to do... boast only in the Lord. =)

Praise the Lord, oh my soul.

Kiss dating goodbye. =)

I just finished reading the book... actually, a more appropriate term would be to finish browsing through the book "i kissed dating goodbye".

Well.

Might be good once again for me to pen down my thoughts.

I should, i mean, i can get into a relationship with THAT guy only when i can foresee with a rough level of certainty that when we get married, i can be as effective a wife is as aunty aye lan to pastor mark. They are super sweet together and they are like helping each other out in ministry and all and its such a godly relationship la. That is sweet. =)

And haha, the book had a super funny imagery which made me laugh. Some girl had came out up with her own set of rules as though she "had descended from mount sinai like Moses and his ten commandments".... funny... (shujing imagines a man descending from a mountain on a cute lil cloud.)

Ok fine.

I have funny sense of humour some times. So what actually makes me laugh? Haha, think the twinkle twinkle little star song on faithe's phone. =)

This week, i shall abide more and more in Jesus and His awesomeness. =) Praise God, and amen!

Valentine's Day.

Ahhhhh that day of the year is approaching again! Haha.

Haha. I have loads of weird feelings and thoughts inside me now...

I want to have a really sweet and nice day with THAT special guy... not eating in some fancy restaurant, but in a normal kopitiam, having food that costs below $5... not recieving flowers but cute and funny heart shaped balloons... not in a romantic setting but just a sincere and pure atmosphere of, loving each other.

But then i snap out of my dreams... my brain tells me that i dont even know who that guy God has intended for me is yet... and my mind tells me i have a covenant with God until 21. Sometimes my brain even tells me that a covenant is redundant cos i wont get into a relationship anyway cos no guy wants me (but i'm rejecting a thought because by faith i know God has someone in mind for me already...).

I'll just leave my valentine's day thoughts at that la. It's meaningless thinking about it at this point in my life. =) Just wanted to acknowledge a little that, i do think about it and dream a few bits about it. Haha. It was quite fun to talk about when you want to get married and have children and all (like what we were doing just now) ok. But yes, will strive to not think about it too much though... i know i've got better things to worry about than that.

So this Valentine's day, my heart will be given solely to God alone.

Jesus will be my valentine this year. =)

RaNdoM post.

I was feeling quite gloomy for the whole of today... it doesnt feel like a friday because fridays are supposed to be happy! But then again, i shouldn't be submitting my emotions to the whims of the situation... i should be submitting my emotions to God instead. Yeps. =)

There are many things that happened over the week which would have got my attention and got me into a whole thinking thing, but i haven't had the energy nor the time to think properly actually. During work, my whole mind would be about PTOs, cover letters, the people whom i'm working with, the time sheet, the printer. After work, it'll be phroneo phroneo and more phroneo. Haha. Or otherwise, more staring into space. I realised i was standing on the mrt just now for 3 whole stops without thinking about anything at all.

But yes, i'm still on the goal of making myself the one who 'creates the fire' instead of 'kapping the fire from others'. So to speak. It's not all that easy, but i've got to try and keep my mind on it.

I shall grow more in God this year. =) He makes me feel so much better la, i just sang a few lines of "in my life, be lifted high" in the lift, and i immediately felt relieved of all the gloom. =)

Haha. Oh and i got my pay!!! My study bible, here i come!!! =)

Let us sing
Shout to the Lord, all the earth, let us sing;
power and majesty praise to the King.
Mountains bow down, and the seas will roar
at the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of Your hands,
forever i'll love You forever i'll stand
nothing compares to the promise i have in You.

My Jesus, my Saviour. =)

Wondering...

Wondering why i am staring at the com once again after staring at the com for such a long time at work.

Do you know why?

Haha.

(Fyi, uh, that question wasnt meant to inspire you into anything. I just needed some way to end this post off. Bye!)

Thank You Jesus.

Hellos! =)

Guess i haven't updated this for some time... lemme me think about what were the interesting things that happened in the past week... *mind goes blank for a short moment*.

Ah yes, yesterday i got stuck in the lift for nearly an hour when i went for work. Yes, the building was new, and the lifts were now, but the lift still spoilt anyway. And we were on the 3 1/2 storey, although the screen thingie showed that we were on the 2nd storey. Haha. My friend was considerably shocked. But i was like, heh, ok, this might be fun. 6 ppl in the lift in total. In the end we got out safe and sound. Heh.

Work has been fine... just that sometimes when i close my eyes and in my sub-conscious state, i'm dreaming about PTOs and more PTOs.

One of my most joyful moments in the week (excluding my weekend, which is usually happy) was when kelly messaged me and told me she was doing her QT. That made my day totally. Haha and i just have to repeat this: i love my cell kids! =) Oh and last sunday we came up with some funny slogan (slow-gan actually): Some smart smiley small snail smiled smartly. Try reciting that. Haha.

There are actually a thousand things i'm in some way thinking abt in my mind... YM service just now abt storms, the debate thing, the DNA thing, my possible career choices dadada... but currently, i'm letting my mind go on a break. So yes, won't blog much. Btw, i really like the song played after service, the funny i'm not an apple hanging on a tree. Haha!

Have a blessed day ahead to you who's reading this. =)

Just some humour.

My cell had some sharing of pick-up lines over dinner on saturday. When faithe wasn't around and neither were the P6ers.. (awww..). Haha. It was just for humour's sake... really not going to use it on anyone. It's really funny anyway. Guys please dont learn from this...

Here are some funny pick-up lines (personal comments in brackets):
... Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belong to me! (wha.. this is super funny la!)
... You know Jesus? Me too!
... Is it a sin that you stole my heart? (haha, i personally won't ever ever go out with anyone who says this... keep your heart with Jesus, boy!)
... Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy.
... I think something dropped... ... my jaw!

Oh here's a funny break-up line (not advised to use, please.)
... I do love you, but it's just agape now.

Haha. Okie that was just for humour... i think relationships are too serious matters to be brought up with pick-up lines. Don't use those ah!

A new year! =)

Spent my first moments of 2007 in senette. Trying to pop the party popper whilst i waited for the sparkling thingie to stop sparkling. After that... uh, we were supposed to watch a movie, but i went to talk to lydia and when i finally got to the place to stare at the tv, i fell asleep. Heard that nelkai was trying to wave to me but i had no reaction. Haha. Oh wellies. Then soon after, (soon after for me cos you know when you're sleeping, time moves faster... haha), fang xian, lydia and me went to fang xian's house to sleep. Heh. Ok... we didn't sleep actually until around 5. Spent some time talking about some stuffies. Hee. Er the topics ranged from BGR to ministry and er, kids? Haha.

Maybe i should go back to sleep now and catch up and those long-lost sleep time. Heh!

Consecrated and going to part the 'river jordan'.