Song of Thanksgiving

Whahaa... come on everybody let a shout of thanksgiving to Jesus with me. =)

At the end of the day... i just wanna smile and be happy for the Lord has been good to me.

I have a wonderful cell (and i mean wonderful wonderful) -- lizzy, kelly, janna, faithe, rachel, chloe, melissa, angeline, tricia, serene, christine, sarah -- in leadership its expected that you give... but i think these cuto cell people have blessed me so much so much la. =) It has been a privilege and joy to be with them. =)Haha. Just felt like emphasizing for a moment how wonderful my cell people are. =) Love them loads.

Actually i think i've had it quite easy in life... i have really really cool parents, have been to good schools, have gotten fairly good grades, haven't had any major setbacks in my life.

Yet sometimes i look at others and start to think that i have really little talents... i mean, haha, i'm not a really good speaker who can bring up the mood of the crowd. Neither am i a really good keyboardist. And i'm seriously blur sometimes!

Haha. Those 2 seem to even each other out huh... God is a just God. I can't have it all well in life. He is good to me. Very good to me. =)

At the very bottomline, i shall just say that, i will find true joy not in my accomplishments or what i possess or what i have, but i have found true joy when i found my Lord Jesus Christ. =)My hope lies in Him, and Him alone. =)

Thank you Lord!

Hellos! =)

I've just finished reading 1 Samuel... Saul and David and Samuel. Hoping to finish 2 Samuel later on. =) I seriously need more time with God and Him alone.

You know sometimes you set goals for your christian walk? Mine was to study hard and score well and get into a good uni and get a good job and glorify God through all those things. And get a cute HDB flat and stay in there for more than 10 years, get a toyota yaris, so as to give more money for offering and all. But somehow along the way... i seemed to have digressed from running after God to running after the goals. Which is... wrong. So it's time to steer back to the main road again, of worshipping God, and making Him the top priority and most loved of my entire life and being. I call it, from goal-orientated to God-orientated. =)

Oh before i forget, i just wanna thank the whole YM christmas comm (i dunno who's reading this actually...) -- Gaius, Sunny, Ben, Ian, Dawn, Jarrold, Junwei, Gideon, Nelson, Pamela Peh -- for all your help for YM christmas party! =) Apologies if i offended anybody. Ooh and thanks to the YA christmas comm as well! For helping us with the food and freeing up BASC and all. Thankies! =)

And i woke up in the morning planning again. Woohoo. Yes, i'm back from my 'retreat'. Ready to go again. (i got really tired out after christmas and all...) So arranged for an ephi meeting, a cell meeting of some sort. It's always good to start off the year by knowing what you're going to do, right?

Haha. But i'm still running away from some stuffies. Haha, like, where's that post-mortem for christmas party?

Okie fine, let's move on and see what else has been on my mind these days.

Shopping for office wear... because i'm starting work on 3rd jan! Have spent $400 so far already... see lah, spend so much $$ before i even earn anything. Tsk tsk!

And oh yes that evergreen topic. I won't get attached before 21, but still can't help thinking that it's going to be such a fairytale if i really do lah. Come on shujing, where's that faith that God already has a guy for you somewhere?

Hhaa okie to end off this whole post... shout with me "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh". Okie yes. I'm happy now.

Lunch, read bible, then go to church, then go for band chalet. Hmmm. It has been a good and fruitful holiday. =)

Christmas! =)

Wow how long haven't i blogged... haha. Wellies, it has been quite of a mad rush these few days and i hardly had much time to slack around.

Ooh i presented my very cute christmas present for God just now... I GOT WATER BAPTISED!!! Woohoo! I thought i'd have to wait until i'm 21... but... yay, i'm already water baptised and officially (in documents) a christian! Taddaa!!!

The previous days just flew past... so now, it's time for me to get down to writing those christmas cards for everybody.

I'm off to shower... and maybe compose a song that i dreamt about or something. =)

Woohoo! =)

Passion to action.

WOOHOO!!!!!

I'm back form YM camp... and i'm really really happy to announce that: YM CAMP WAS SUPER DUPERLY GREAT! Loads of thanks to the camp comm (esp the camp commander. I wonder if i'd have the patience he had under those circumstances and scenario.) and YM comm! =)

It was pretty fun.

All the water bombs and all... and the dodging ball game! Haha. (Although i was very much just staring and walking around and stoning). And all the laughing and laughing. Ooh and good food too, prepared by Auntie Ang and 2 others aunties. Hee. We're really well fed... i mean, just think about all that chee cheong fun for breakfast and curry chicken for lunch. Not forgetting the team cheers (Read the bible pray everyday amen!). And the returning journey of Jarrold married and Faithe garderner.

But it was more than just fun.

There was an unprecedented level of unity, i should say. The leaders seemed to have suddenly grown a thousand leaps after leaders retreat... they were so enthu and all! And even though the groups consisted of people from different cliques, people whom would never ever really talk to each other during the normal times, most people still bonded anyway. I saw that unity coming into play esp during the war camps... you see people cooperating with each other, and different people coming out of their own comfort zones and scarem, shout and run. It was like, wow!

Most importantly, we met God.

There were 3 salvations during YM camp, praise God! Serene (well, kind of encouraged her to say the sinner's prayer again just to seal that salvation. Hee.), and teck choon (who gave a really cute testimony afterwards). And serene kind of spoke in tongues! And the spiritual atmosphere was good. Everybody was tired... but in the second night, joel gave a call for people who wanted to stay to continue worshipping and interceding for all the campers, and many did stay and that time just quite blew me away. By the third night, eveybody stayed when hosea gave a similar call to that... people could leave, but everybody stayed anyway. And that was when we were feeling tremendously tired... i had to kneel and stand up and kneel again (a total distraction according to faithe) to keep myself awake. Beyond all that, i think almost everybody has indeed had an encounter with God during the camp. Not that the roof got blown away, but i have this feeling that something is already churning deep inside our hearts. A time of renewal, and change, in preparation for something bigger and deeper.

All these said, the battle begins now.

It's always easier to stay spiritually high during camps. We're surrounded by godly people, and the spiritual atmosphere is relatively better (i've noticed quite some time ago about how my mood gets lifted when i get into church, and how dark clouds seem to loom over school the atmosphere is just not right.), there there is a constant encouragement by leaders and all, and we are quite ensured of a time to seek God. But now it's back to reality. Back from the family vacation with God. Here, we might be the lone ones who have to attempt to act as the thermostat (being a thermometer would be out of the question.), encouragement would come largely from ourselves to ourselves and from the Holy Spirit to us, and our minds are constantly bugged by different thoughts, worries, feelings, emotions that threaten to derail us from communicating with God.

But whatever the case, i choose to believe that the victory would be ours.

We'd eventually win the battle. We'd grow to be people closer to God. We'd carry out our SMARTER plans. And the next time we get back to St. Johns, we would have more than doubled... in both quantity and quality. We have the Holy Spirit with us!

YM camp has officially ended, but the battle has just begun.

Passion to Action.

=)

Back from Leaders' Retreat

I just woke up after a 6h nap after coming back from leaders' retreat!

The bath never felt so good and even the toothbrush and toothpaste was considered a rare commodity.

Oh and i shall declare that i have SURVIVED leaders' retreat! Hee. Wont say that i more than survived it though... couldnt take parts of the PT and all the walking and stuffs (in these two days, i have probably walked more than i had in a few months combined together!), and conked out already on the 1st day with my 6h only sleep the night before. It was bad and i didnt know what i was doing. Interesting i was quite awake on the 3rd today morning (which is also today morning), but once we arrived in spore, all my tiredness came back again and i walked at a snail's pace, cos' now certain muscles are aching badly! Heh.

What's more important is the principles we learnt i guess... unity, teamwork, discipline, alertness, obedience, and all that kind of things. Ooh and the application from then on is important as well.

Hee i probably never seen pastor mark scold so badly the "I CAN STILL SEE YOUR SHADOW!" line before... and actually i thought the instructors werent that unreasonable at all... i mean, haha, i probably was more unreasonable when scolded my juniors in secondary school lah, and my seniors probably scolded more too. I mean, sometimes the scoldings are necessary to wake us up to reality.

Oh and yes, during this leaders' retreat, i'm realising how far off i am from the mark that is fitting as a leader. If i had acted like how i did in ubin when the situations arise, i dunno what wld happen the people im supposed to lead. But wellies, at least now i know more of my weaknesses then i can start changing from there! =)

I'm just kind of concerned that once i got back to spore, its back to my usual life again... i mean, hey, after the retreat, some things got to change!

Yeps so i shall actively change some things now.

Haha lotsa other things like how mishuelle got a little crazy over ying chuan and stuffies, and me eating a slice a plain white bread for breakfast (which i'd not do during normal times), and all squating down all screaming "ahhh!", but im getting a little too lazy to note them all down here. So i guess... camp was quite fun overall! Haha. Fun in a peculiar manner lah, not the mainstream fun.

Ooh and YM camp's coming up soon! Exciting exciting! But i do hope that the 5BX thing would be more relaxed... muscles aching now so dont think i can do the crazy crunches now. But nevertheless, yay yay yay yay yay its going to be soo soo fun! =) Cant wait cant wait... oh actually wait, i need one more day to get my sleep back first. I dont want to conk out during YM camp! Must try to be on my highest energy level and have the bestest attitude.

I need to go poop now after not doing for 2 days. Eek. So gross. Haha. I guess i could have done away with that detail. So, ok, byebye and see you at YM camp! =)

Heyhey! =)

Life is much more exciting nowadays -- my upcoming job (i think), leaders' retreat (woohoo!), YM camp (yay!), YA camp (cool!) and christmas party (ahhh yes!!!).

Well. Perhaps its precisely because of the 'happening-ness' of my life at this point of time that i have a reduced desire to blog.

Errr so here's a smiley face to make up for the times im not blogging -- =)

Enjoy life... because Christ is life. :)

Nice Quote! =)

Haha. I'm here to quote a nice quote!

Earth's crammed with Heaven,
and every common bush afire with God;
but only he who sees takes off his shoes.

From Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
Taken from the book i'm currently reading called 'hearing God'.

=)

Hellos! =)

The bgr thingie seems to be an evergreen topic.

In my own little constructed words, its a topic which links single women of all ages together. Whether you're 12, or 21.

But... haha... i've decided not to get myself into some bgr thingie before i turn 21. Heh.

21 should be a nice age... when i'm more mature and when i know what i want out of life and have a rough estimation of who i can achieve that life with.

But whatever the case, there's always a need to wait for God's timing. I may plan, but His timings are always still the best. =)

In the meantime, i shall be a happy crushless single until the correct time (and guy) comes. =)

Total Liberation's Arrival

A wee bit more to go...

A cute little harmless 3h Maths 'S' paper.

I just hope i don't stone that much during the paper. Think more, you'd get the answer somehow!

And then... at 11am tomorrow (21/11/06), 12 years of education would finally be over. Maybe it's time to see what i could add to the dumping list. Muhahaha.

There's still a weird churn in my stomach now. Some repercussions from the headache i had when i was in slumber land at night. Slept for 2h after waking up for a mere 1+h to have breakfast and do QT. Ate an ice cream in the afternoon in an attempt to cheer myself up from the workings of the brain. I shall pray that my brain would return to normal again without any aches. Wait, i need my brain to be in a tip-top condition actually...

So, whilst the others are probably at metamorphosis camp having service now, i shall be a good day and do the last few readings for Maths S.

God is good! =)

Cute slugs. =)

Flushed away slugs are cute! =)

Go to this site for a preview of the cuto slugs:
http://flushedaway.awn.com/?type=video&vidID=18

=)

Too much of x-box is NOT good! Yesterday after walking aimlessly around orchard for approximately 45min, we went over to rachel's house to watch movies and play x-box. And argh... in a mere 30min, i said sh*t once already. Bleah! It's bad! I have managed to stay off that word for a really really long time already! And used the word "lousy" once too... ahhhh! No more x-box already, it takes away a part of my sanity.

And i'm sick of shopping. Window shopping i mean. Haha. I don't have the money needed to buy the things that i want to. So. Haha. Byebye shopping. No vivocity for me anytime soon.

After cell outing yesterday night, i went for YA and had candle-lit cell time with vanessa. =) I love my cell leader! =)

It's a nice little sunday morning (and i'm stuck at home because my daddy contends that i have to study for my maths s paper) so i've nothing much to really say. Uh so i guess, i'm going off now! Byebye! =)

PasSiOn!

I like this definition of passion: A strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire.

Hee. Am kind of too zonked out to really think about elaborating further about the topic or blogging about anything in particular. So should roughly stop here for now.

=)

Reminder:

Besides looking down on people, self-pity is pride too. Because you're still looking at yourself but not God, you're putting yourself before God.

Humility shujing, HUMILITY!

Discipleship. =)

Just came back from an great YM service. =)

Hosea's message was... mind-blowing. Especially the last bit. Not commiting adultery doesn't make you faithful... it's pure devotion which qualifies you as faithful. And the essence of Christianity is not just a relationship... it's a discipleship relationship. It's about... denying the flesh and taking up the cross.

One verse hit me real hard. Luke 9:26. "Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.". I was like... ouch. Sorry Lord. Have i submitted my all to Him? My studies, my families, everything else i have? Ouch.

Luke 9:23, "Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.""

Deny the flesh.

High!!! =)

With a banana in hand, i feel like some monkey going a little crazy in the brain. (healthy kind of crazy. haha.)

Winnie asked me a few minutes ago for a remedy for fatigue. I gave her this prescription... think its really useful. But she'd only get to tell me how she feels about it tomorrow morning at the fastest i think. But anyway... here it is, try it if you want to.
1)Walk towards your bedroom; and when you get into your bedroom, walk towards your bed.
2) Plonk yourself onto your bed and spread yourself out in the a comfortable position.
3) Close your eyes...
(I think you wouldn't need me to teach you the rest of the steps... they'd settle themselves.)

I'm going to try that soon. After i finish my 2nd banana.

Byebye! =)

Helllosssuuu!!! =)

Hmmm now thats a weird word. Haha.

Anyway.

I've decided to stop languishing in self pity about how bad my piano playing is. If my piano playing is not up to standard, i shall just practice harder and make it good.

I've decided to stop feeling pathetic at how small my "fanbase" is. Haha. I know i have one really ardent fan behind me all the way, whether i'm good or bad, better or worse... God! =)

I'm going to stop indulging in self-pity for short. Am going to do something constructive to correct the bad points i have. Hee!

Yay.

Now with this, i feel much better. =)

Thank God! =)

Talking to myself.

Hi Shujing, how are you today? Good huh... oh... GP was horrible? Yea i thought it was too... the summary and AQ rite? Yea i feel you girl. It was bad but at least compo was good.. yea praise God! Oh yes... there would be no more GP for us anymore right? Oh but at least picked up some GP skills which would be useful later on in life lah... oh and what? Human relations are difficult to handle? Yea thought you knew that a long time ago? But shujing lah, you're thinking about things which don't even concern you lah... haha. Oh yea, you dislike it when people treat you as if you're stupid right... but haha... maybe you are? Ok just joking only... don't get angry ahh. Heh. You can go jump around now, GP is over. Haha. Okie continue going crazy ok shujing?

Hello you now. =) I was talking to myself, pardon me. Hehh. I'm muttering lots to myself nowadays and going a teeny winny little bitsy bonkers. Muaahahahahahah. That kind of thing. Haha. But whateverssss loorrrr.

Haha! =)

I think i've got nothing to give... but my dear Lord Jesus, i'm here, and whatever little i have, i commit it all to You. Thank You Lord. =)

Argh.

I woke up this morning feeling emotionally pressed down by a mega huge pile of books that are 10 times my weight and size. Currently feel immense dread for the exams that are starting... tomorrow!!! Shrivelling up into a heap of hay again... argh.

Can you believe it? For the first time since prelims, Shujing is feeling dread and a lil bitsy bit of stress for her exams. She has been enjoying herself so much in lala land she doesnt feel as if exams are starting soon. But ah well. Thats called good emotional control okie. =)

Got to scoot off to pray now and liberate myself from that loathesome feeling.

God will help! =)

=)

I've been bumming around my room for almost the whole day, walking out just to eat and watch tv and slack and dig out the time magazines buried in the pile of my sister's things. I've stared occasionally at the computer in front of me to do some little searches about some things. Since i'm in a way stuck at home, my only link to the outside world of social human beings is this remarkable thing calledMSN. (The phone apparantly didn't work well today because i only recieved 3 sms-es and sent out 3.) The thing is, at the same time i'm stuck at home socialising with myself, i'm learning about world affairs and international events.Talk about the wonders of globalisation... me, an individual with little contact to the bigger world outside of my house, is attempting to gain knowledge about the whole wide world through the mass media (books, the internet, and GP notes). I'm isolated... yet connected.

Hehh... just found that intriguing for a brief moment.

Happy studying to all of you who are! =)

Hehh. =)

I guess it's a balance between patronizing and rebuking.

It's not good to patronize one another. "Yea, you did it well. (but i'm sure i can do it a million times better than you)" "You did it good! (but it just wasn't good enough for me)" I mean, if we all patronized each other we would never grow. It's only through the rebuking that we learn, since we're all blinded to our imperfections most of the time (immune to it, beacuse we're living with our imperfections all the time), we need others to help us point out our imperfections so that we can correct them

But hehh... i guess it's not to good to rebuke every time an imperfection arises. I mean, hey, if you scolded me everytime i did something wrong, i'd be shrivelling somewhere into a ball of hay cos' i wouldnt be able to take it. But i'd appreciate it if u told me my weaknesses once in a while. And i just read an article which said that in a marriage, about 30% of problems are solvable... you just have to learn to tolerate and live with the other problems. Simarly, there are some imperfections in others which we have to live with and to tolerate. To love someone, even with their imperfections. But rebuke them when necessary to help them grow and mature and be nearer to perfection.

I guess... we got to rebuke in love. Rebuke not for your own gain, but to the benefit of the person you are rebuking.

(oh, don't scold me too much okie, i usually scold myself for many small things already... heh!)

Good morning! =)

Hello and good morning! =)

Woke up with a really weird dream today morning. It was about some evil person planning to kill people off... really evil person, had weird stuffs in his house and practiced really weird cult-ish stuffs. He'd planned to kill this guy, who in my dream, was stuck in some cubicle resembling that of a telephone booth/newspaper stall looking dazed or blanked out, at 1.36pm or 3+ or something liddat lah. Then dreamt that a bunch of us (somewhat random people) were going up a lift to have a worship session in some hall which had a band setting with its 4 rows of chairs and the percussion instruments and stuff. Don't know if this is a separate dream, but dreamt that i was going for tuition and it was raining so my parents drove me there and i apparantly have some tuition friend called melody. Ahhhh. No wonder i woke up with such a funny feeling. Heh.

Oh yesterday was pretty eventful.

Haha, i played for YM service for the first time. It's not as stressful playing for YA. But yes, after that i still went on all the considering-to-quit-music kind of thinking, cos i think i screwed up some parts. But Lucas said i'm still needed around... so i'll wait for someone else to come along to play and to see if my playing improves or not (i plan to go for keyboard lessons next year! Hee. Hope that it helps.). But then again, i wouldn't bear to actually quit. I mean, i still want to play! When i look around, i'm just thinking that God hasnt given me the talent in music... but then again, maybe He has but its just not fully developed yet. Ah. But yes, i should always serve God will my talents. So yes, conclusion? I won't quit music. But haha, i won't be playing during my exam period... i usually get disappointed after playing actually, and it increases my stress levels (which is totally not supposed to be the case! Ah.). Grrr. Shall stop pondering over this matter. And i should just have the faith that whatever God wants me to do, He'd give me the ability to do it.

And yes, haha, when you're the overseer of a cell right, you actually get to hear lots of juicy stuff from your cell kids. Yesterday there were 2 mega stories of the day. Haha. I came up with some theory of a split-personality for the protagonist of one of the stories. Funny. I was quite kidding lah. Haha.

So overall, i quite went a little crazy by the end of yesterday. Heh.

Today would be a more sane day. Hoping to clock in 10h of studying (which is very possible). So yep.

There's nothing my God cannot do.

Hello! =)

I'm getting a little sleepy now.

But, well, it's just 2 more chapters, 1h more of revision for history P3.

I used to think its amazing finishing going through one whole book in a day in secondary school. Now i'm doing 2 filled files of A4-sized papers within 6.5h. Now thats more amazing. Haha.

It's too late to do anything else now... just have to really pray that God will help me retain all the knowledge that i've acquired from studying, and help them appear fresh again during the actual examination. =)

Thank God.

We will only know in part, until He comes again.

I need to be influenced much more by the Holy Spirit. =)

Desperation to be saturated. =)

Hello!!!

Hee it has been some time since i last updated right.

Anyway before i continue... i just want to say a huge SORRY to faithe, tricia, angeline, sarah, serene and christine. My bad. Boohoo.

Yep.

But comm meeting was good. =) Had a long worshippy prayer. And started with a rather hilarious topic. Heh. But ooh guess what... im in charge of christmas party for YM! Haha... i wonder what kind of party you'd get with me organising it lah actually... haha... i need some crazy ideas. Really crazy ones. Ooh we're going to have a graduation party by the way. That sounds after. And its the week after i finish my As. Haha. Cool. Yay.

There has been some changes in plans for this saturday. Let's see... it'll be the first time i'm playing for YM service! Woohoo. Excited? Yes. Fasting? Yep i should! Then after that wld be some kind of cell meeting i guess. Then service. Then i'd have to rush down to my maternal grandma's birthday... after P&W... wonder how i'm going to do that but yea...

A desperation to be saturated.

----------------------------

Nope, Shujing's not going to get married next week. So there's nothing much to blog about. Haha.

Anyway who said that getting married would be the only thing thats worth mentioning? Haha. Oh yes, my mind said that. Cos Shujing figured out she can't blog every single thing down. She'd spent many many many hours doing that, and spent many many hours blogging about how she blogged about what she spent many many hours doing, and in turn spend many many hours blogging about how she was blogging about how she blogged about what she spent many many hours doing.... ...

I'm in a weird mood now. More history essays to come.

Argh i didn't come this far to get anything less than a A A B b3 merit.

So Shujing, GO STUDY!!! NOW!!! SHOO!!!!

(just a added on random comment... i figured out i wouldnt be able to have my wedding dinner at sentosa unless i want to have it one of the hotels because of the integrated resort thingie... haha. Another place then.)

In a NoNsEnSSicAll mood. =)

Hello to you who is (or is this supposed to be are?) reading this! =)

Just finished bathing after coming back from the beach and watching tv.

Had a good 30min of clearing up my brain and thinking about almost nothing (other than those ants which were crawling around on the floor... one ant went berserk after my slipper came near to it... haha... what's with me and ants lah...) while sitting on the bench. Then Tricia came along to talk about... *ahem...*... you know what la huh. Haha, and the rest of the time with the girls was spent largely talking about the *ahems ahems...*. I escaped when they started throwing sand at each other... it was a dangerous zone to be in.

Hmmm what else did i do for the rest of the time? Ah yes... spent a lot of time stoning somewhere. With the exception being the time when i flicked that black-coloured wormy, which was wriggling its head, off faithe's neck... heh.

Stoning is my favourite past time.

And well... who says i have to be elmo-ish and sad when im alone? I can be happy too! =) I don't have to talk to anyone, and dont have to try to entertain anyone too. Yippeee!!!

OHOHOH! And for those who need a little dose of my rubbish... just to let you all now... i've decided to have my future wedding dinner at sentosa!!! Haha. Even searched for seating capacities there and all. And looked through all the nicey wedding gowns. <=== Just for a little background information, this happened when Shujing's mind was drifting away from her history notes... bleah. Heh. But vanessa brought up a good point when i talked to her about this... "so who are you having your wedding with ah?"... answer is... i dunno! Nobody now. The cute lil P6s seem to have the concept that one must have a crush at some point of time... but no... i dont have a crush on anyone now okie. Hehh. But well... i do hope i get married okie.

Ok that's enough rubbish for the day. It's now back to more intellectual stuff from that 700+ pages thick sociology book. =)

Love.

Haha... love isnt such a badd word after all when its used in special circumstances.

Everything we do should be done in love for one another... love should be our motivation and our direction and our accomplishment.

Is our love getting too self-absorbed? Somehow it became "boohoo, you dont love me". Hmmm. It should be more of a "BOOHOO" if i don't love you right. We exceedingly judge each other (notice the word exceedingly... we shouldnt be undiscerning too, and sometimes discipline is required as well).

The more i read about the Fruit of the Spirit, the harder i find it to match up to what i'm supposed to be.

The more i read about love, the more difficult it seems to be able to love to such an extent.

The more i know about God, the more imperfect i know i am.

But in my imperfection, may His perfection be brought out even more.

The harder i realise it is to love, the more awed and amazed i am by the way Jesus loved us all. Even though we're imperfect and tainted by sin.

After interaction with all these people after so many years, and my own experiences as some sort of a loner (haha, still cant find a better-sounding substitute word for it...), i realised its always the seemingly more perfect and nicer people who are easily loved. I guess many people would find it hard to love me, cos like i'm usually just minding my own business and all and yea haha.

But see... Jesus loves me sooo sooo much even though im soo far away from His perfection.

It's awesome, isn't it?

RandOm...

Just finished reading a few blogs... and started having this random thought...

How nice if we could all stop complaining for a moment.

Perhaps we're all so blessed that we're having silly complaints. Against our parents, teachers, school, bus drivers, government etc.

Shouldn't we all be grateful that we even have them with us?

If you hadn't noticed, parents are not really obliged to take care of their children know. Be thankful that your parents didnt desert you on the very day you were born. Be thankful that even if there's a difficult family situation going on, it's a time for you to grow up and mature.

Haha and school. Let's just be grateful we even get to school la ok.

I think its not very good already to be complaining against the incident/subject. It's even worse if you complain against the people behind the incident/subject. Eg, you complain that the bus is going to slowly (incident/subject), and you complain that the bus driver is stupid and he doesn't know how to drive so he's driving so slowly (people behind the incident/subject). It's very hurtful. Very.

Can we think more before we start dismissing and degrading people as stupid/unreasonable/foolish/brainless?

So mean!

Even if there is a cause for complaint, why not put it in a more constructive way instead of directly slamming someone else? Don't put people down... build them up! We could do less of complaining for the sake of putting someone else down, although we can have a little more practical criticism with the intention of exposing weaknesses and eventually improving the situation and building someone else up.

Can we just love each other more?

I dunno... but it just seems to be sometimes that we just have to find that speck out of the whole piece of clean cloth to pick on and blame and critisize. Poor speck.

We make our own lives miserable as well, by seeing only what we percieve to be something bad, right?

I should make it a point to avoid complaining whenever possible. It's bad for my health. =(

Have you ever sat back and think about why even when we're clothed and fed and doing well, we could also get depressed? Perhaps we're in the habit of magnifying the bad stuff again? Haha... maybe we should all learn to count our blessings right. And there are numerous blessings every single day.
1) I woke up today! =)
2) I could open my eyes to see the glorious world that God has made! =)
3) I could open my mouth the praise Him.
4) I even have brains needed to use the computer and log on to the internet, and blog even! =)
5) I had breakfast to eat... and i have lunch to eat too! =)
6) And many many many many other little things... which make up one whole thing... an abundant life with Christ! =)

I shall be joyful that at the end of my life, i didn't live in vain. (eg, i didn't spend time getting stuck in my own little world and indulge in elmo-ing the whole day long.) I shall be joyful too, that at the end of this life, i know i'll be in heaven in the next. =)







(Shujing knows that some people would be offended after reading this post. Shujing says a huge "sorry!!!!". But yea this is still what Shujing thinks. However, Shujing has to admit that she's hardly any empathetic girl who could cry and sob and complain alongside you if she reckons that the motive for crying/sobbing/complaining in unfounded. She's an insensitive girl la, in other words. Hah. You know how she often views things as simply black and white and hardly any in the grey side right? Maybe her life has been so blessed that she cannot understand what it truly means to be very sad/depressed. So forgive Shujing for her oh-so-not-empathetic self yup? Thank you! =))

Just wondering. =)

Upon reading my own blog entries i realised something. You know sometimes you know perfectly well that you're not supposed to do something, but you still allow yourself to do it? Some peculiar behavior eh. Or perhaps, i should call it bad behavior.

It's not about what we want to do, but what we have to do. (And eventually wanting to do what we have to do.)

And remember that what you're doing should and is motivated by a love for Christ. Don't let your feelings or emotions or even your own thinking guide your actions, but let His Word guide your actions.

Yew i hate to view stuff as being a mini play of 'poliitics'. And hopefully there isnt any. Shush.

Aiming to hear Him say, "well done, good and faithful servant", when i see Him in the future. =)

Hello! =)

Had my first sharing for prayer today... .... haha... ... how should i assess it? I was a little nervous actually... if you didn't notice, my voice was shivering a little in the beginning. But well... got a little better after that. Couldn't remember all the things i wanted to say... and i didn't even try to look at my notes. (eye contact is always more important... haha) So what happened is that, i shared only half of what i really wanted to say. But wellies. Praise God for it. First time know. =)

Hee it was the first day the primary sixes came by and had faithe's friends over... tricia, angeline, serene, sarah. Haha. They were like... so cute lah! Even though a wee bit noisy at the wrong times... (one of them attempted 'speaking in tongues'... haha...), but they were a nice bunch to talk to and all (and play with...). Hope they had fun and all lah, and most importantly, that sometime in the near future they'd be able to experience the touch of God. =)

Next week's the fruit party! =) Yum yum yum! Can't wait! Would probably attempt to figure out my schedule and timetable for next week and try to drop down to church or ecp to visit them either on wed and thur. See what's the better time i guess. =)

Haha and you know those really weird people who talk to themselves on the road? I'm one of them! Heh. Last saturday, when i was walking home at night, i was thinking about something and blurted out a sentence or two... and the people walking in front of me turned around, and made way for me to overtake them. Heh. The other incident was in the week on the bus... i almost reached my stop, and was probably thinking about something i did wrongly or didn't do cos one of the words i wanted to blurt out was "shoott..." (ehhh dont learn from me ah, i'm trying to get rid of all the shoot shoot thingies.).... in the end i managed to keep that to a "shhhhh"... and the lady sitting beside me kind of made way for me to go off... haha. Oppssyyy.... But you know sometimes you're just really thinking about stuffs and things are going inside your brain and sometimes you just speak something unintentionally? Haha... it's not really weird k.


It's full-time mugging from now on. =)

Good morning! =)

Hello everybody! A really good morning to you, whoever you are! =)

"This is the day that the Lord has made!"

Yay i figured out nobody reads this blog so know i can write my blog entries with ease instead of budy thinking about what's suitable for my 'audience'.

It's a happy happy happy day! At least, i'm making sure it is. =)

Sharing for prayer later... and here's one line from my 11 pages worth of notes (from which i'll extract points from lah... heh)... if you lose control over yourself you lose your self.

Have blessed day ahead to whoever is reading this! =)

Run run run!

A small little reminder...

Just as you are running, please remember to stick your eyes onto that destination. =)

Thank you.

On another note...

I'm separating this from the previous post. Because it is on another note. Haha.

I'm going for YA camp! Yay. Haha. Remember in this previous post i will not indulge myself in self-victimisation anymore? I'll go for YA camp, and i'll enjoy myself at that. =)

Other exciting things coming my way:
-- GoP CAMP! Yay! Haha. My cute lil island here i come! =) It's going to be sooo amazing lah. Heard more about it during comm meeting just now... sounds really fun, and really power too. Thank God for His favour upon us. =)
-- Possble trip to Karen? Hee. I hope my parents would allow me to go. =)

YAYAYAYAY! It's so joyful today... haha! =) When my spiritual levels are high, i'm high too. =) Hee! =)

Haha and here's some quiz thing found on lizzy's blog:

1) How old do you wish you were? Errr... 17? Sufficiently old yet young enough still.

2) Where were you when 9.11 happened? Sleeping perhaps? Found out about 9/11 only in the next morning.

3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Walk away as if nothing happened and try to hide the paiseh-ness.

4) Do you count yourself kind? Um... not really actually.

5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? Near the ankle i guess. Haha.

6) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? Japanese. Haha.

7) Do you know your neighbours? Well i know their names and their faces and some kind of their family background... but not in depth.

8) What do you consider a vacation? Going overseas (sentosa included), staying in a hotel, and staying away from all your worries and troubles and responsibilties and just having fun the whole time.

9) Do you follow your horoscope? No way.

10) Would you move for the person you love? If God tells me to.

11) Are you touchy feely? Errr... whats that?

12) Do you believe that opposites attract? Under some circumstances... i mean, depends on what kind of "opposite" you're looking at. =)

13) Dream job? Um... doing stuffs in church.

14) Favorite channel(s)? Channel 55! The chinese channel with loads of hongkong serials.

15) Favorite place to go on weekends? Church!!! =)

16) Showers or Baths? Baths. =)

17) Do you paint your nails? Used too... but found it too troublesome.

18) Do you trust people easily? Actually if i know them well, i trust them really easily.

19) What are your phobias? That horrible screeching sound produced by rubbing your fingers against the balloon. Yew!

20) Do you want kids? Yes. Like, a lot.

21) Do you keep a handwritten journal? Nope.

22) Where would you rather be right now? With Jesus. Actually, He is with me now. =)

23) Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy? Errr physically? Nobody?

24) Heavy or light sleeper? Light... when i'm not at home. Usually the first to wake up in camp and all.

25) Are you paranoid? Used to be very. Not anymore. =)

26) Are you impatient? Haha. Probably.

27) Who can you relate to? Myself.

28) How do you feel about interracial couples? They'll probably produce really cute babies! =)

29) Have you been burned by love? Literally? Of course not.

30) What's your favorite pick-up line? I dunno... have never tried any before.

31) What's your main ringtone on your mobile? The sound of the vibration of the phone.

32)What were you doing at midnight last night? Attempting to study GP.

33) What did the last text on your cellphone say? Oh ok never mind we stick to six then :)

34) Whose bed did you sleep in last night? Strictly speaking, my sister's bed.

35) What color shirt are you wearing? Hee i'm not wearing a shirt... i'm wearing my pyjamas! =)

36) Most recent movie you watched? Can't remember... haven't been watching anything.

37) Name three things you have on you at all times: My skin, my nails, my hair.

38) What color are your bed sheets? Green, light blue, yellow, purple.

39) How much cash do you have on you right now? None.

40) What is your favorite part of the chicken? The drumstick meat bit. =)

41) What's your favorite town/city? Singapore... heh.

42) I can't wait till..? My As end, to go back to church in full force, for YM camp, YA camp, and possible karen trip. Leader's retreat too?

43) What did you have for dinner last night? My mummy's cooked food.

44) Do you own a gun? Nope. Not even toy ones. I'm a law abiding citizen. =)

45) What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Hot milo. =)

46) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs? Probably in Singapore... haha.

47) Last thing you ate? The remaining bit of the mooncake. The one with the eggy. =)

48) What songs do you sing in the shower? Haha loads of them. Ooh thats the time i come up with my own lyrics too. =)

49) Last thing that made you laugh? Um... the fruits thingie just now at comm meeting. Haha.

50) Worst injury you've ever had? My knee... boohoo.

51) Does someone have a crush on you? Hmmm i wouldnt really know right. But i don't think so anyway.

52) What's your favorite candy? I don't really like candy...

53) What song do you want played at your funeral? Some praise song... like, majesty or something. Haha... yes, at my funeral. =)

54) Four random people to do this: (shhh... pretend you didn't see this question....)

Okie i'm done. My eye bags seem deeper today. I'm going off to sleep now for my smu tomorrow! Hee. =)

Upupuppppp!!!!

The Lord speaks. =)

It's time to bring myself up.

I've compromised too much over the last few months... giving stupid excuses to justify my own relaxation and lack of holiness... more than a few times said something bad about someone else... more than one time thought abt being less "christian" so that i can better mix around with others so that eventually i may have the chance to spread the gospel to them, only to realise that i've stepped down too much. Too many compromises already. Even allowed myself on several occasions to be emo, although stepped out of that fairly easily.

It's time to bring myself up.

The warfare is just heating up. It's not time to rest my laurels or engage in pity party or self-victimisation. I'm cancelling the word "emo" out of my mind and my vocabulary. There are far too many people out there who needs to be saved. If i'm wallowing in self-pity when i have Christ with me, what would happen to those who do not have Jesus to tell them that He came to give them a life and abundant one at that? It's time to be a warrior. To be a champion for Christ.

It's time to bring myself up.

I've got to learn to see beyond the material world, because God teaches us things through the material world. There's a spiritual significance attached to many of the things that we say or do. (Positive confession!)Beware of spiritual attacks.

IT'S TIME TO WALK IN VICTORY!

My God is soo good! =)

It's just soo soo soo good to have my God with me. =)

He's my best friend in the whole whole world!

He talks to me everyday, through different people, different things, sometimes indirectly.

He tells me He loves me everyday, and never fails to prove His love for me everyday. =)

I love my Jesus! =)

Good morning!!! =)

Hee make a guess make a guess! What was on my mind this morning when i woke up???

Answer: .... .... .... Nothing! =)

So take me to the place
where i can see You face to face.
All i wanna do
is worship You.

Sunday!! =)

Woke up to a blurry sunday morning feeling as if i'm in a hotel... cos my younger sis and i had to sleep in our older sis's (who's in england now so shes not using her room) room. It's a different environment, so feels different. With the air-con on and with me waking up at 7 (yes, i set the alarm at 7 but refused to wake up until 9) momentarily, the combination of the way the curtains are placed and the sunrise and the air-conditioner makes me feel as if i'm in a hotel. =) That kind of "ooh... morning's here... and we're in a different country now away from home...!"

Which makes me think about whether i should just go for YA camp. *SIGH!!!*

I love travelling in groups, and just having fun with your friends and really forgetting about every other single thing and having everything already taken care of... all you've to do is really just to play and enjoy.

But this time's different. *SIGH AGAIN!!!* With fangxian, winnie and meredith not going, i'm really fearful that i'd end up being alone with nobody to run to. =( Let's just say that i'm an anti-social kid... but yet again, i'm detest being lonely in a crowded room. I don't want to try to stick to anyone if they don't want me around. And i don't want to make it obligatory for anyone to take care of me. I could try to go and stick to some people, but it wouldnt' be fun for them... and it may not be fun for me too.

Here's the really bleak scenario i painted... i wouldn't have anybody to sit beside to during the bus ride. Everybody would be happy searching for their roommates while i get roommateless and probably be placed into a room where i'd be an extra. I would sit in a pathetic corner during my meals and not talk to anyone at all. I'd probably be having fun by myself (and with the Holy Spirit). Hee. So according to my calculations, i probably wouldn't be opening my mouth to utter anything to anyone for five whole days... other than the times when we're actually in the conference and having service and all.

*SIGH ONCE AGAIN* If i were in that scenario, i'd probably be left in tears by the end of the whole thing. Trust me, you wouldnt' want to see me in my emo state. I abhor that emo state too.

Cliques include... and exclude as well.

There... i've superficially discussed one of my fears in my life... being left out. Being friendless. Maybe to put it very bluntly across, it's more like... to be ostracized.

Making friends is hardly any instinct for me. It's such a challenge. Haha. I seriously think if i were on the "child of our time" show, i'd be one of the most socially awkward kids walking around. Maybe my personality just doesn't go so well with many people huh.

*SIGH ONCE AGAIN!!!!*

Just thought... i was supposed to be there to enjoy myself right. If i had to make such a huge effort to mix around with others, it wouldn't be really that relaxing anymore. I mean, in other times of my life i would of course try to mix around with others. But for this time... can i really just relax for once?

It's hard sometimes you know.

So what's making me consider going then? Hee. The prospect of going for the conference and just spending time with God lots and lots and lots.

I hope i don't get chided by anyone for writing this. Heh. (the back of my brain goes... you're supposed to fellowship with others believers, aren't you?)

Hazy dayy. Heh.

It's a really hazy day today...

Wondered for a moment if i could use the haze as a kind of metaphor of somewhat to describe my life... hmmmm... haze? Haha. Probably not.

The haze is clearing up though. Thank God. I can be spared from all the sneezes later on. =)

Woke up earlier today and spent a morning doing history and GP. Social construct, gender roles, functionalism, epistemology, feminism, human rights... ... hope i'm making sense out of all these all.

I'm not counting down yet. Not because i can't bear to leave. This time round, i'm quite, neutral. Or rather, i don't know where i stand and i'm not thinking excessively much about it. Haha. I guess that's the better and most centralist choice. I don't love it totally, but i don't hate it either.

The haze will clear up soon.

Morning!!! =)

We prayed that we could get good O level results.

We prayed that we could get into VJC.

Now sometimes i wonder if poly would have been a better choice.

We start blaming everybody else, including God, for placing us in VJC. But isn't that we desired, something we prayed for day and night?

I start regretting sometimes to choose to get into VJ.

And i wonder if God had placed me in the correct school.

But yet, i'm convinced once again, that God is in control, and yes, He wants me there.

It's just really a struggle sometimes to be competing with all the smarto kids and trying to score all As for A levels. If you think it's easy, sorry, nope. It's twice as hard as trying to score an A during O lvls. Sometimes, when self-pity sets in, you think that you're a stupid child who cant get anything right. It's a horrible of mixture of the expectations of getting As coupled with a crippling inability to do so.

Yet, no matter how horrible i feel and how much i regret, i know that i have the Lord with me, and He alone has the best plans for me. =)

My wish is still to get into smu and do accountancy. But i figured out it'll not be that painful anymore if i can't get it. I'll just trust in God and that He truly has the best plans for me. =)

I'll pray now for good A level results.

And above all, that God will open the doors He opens, and close the doors that are meant to be closed.

You have the last say, Lord. =)

The cup's half ....

I just watched the documentary "child of our time"... and today, it's speaking the happiness of a child.

Haha to summarize it all, your happiness may be ingrained in your genetic make-up, and can also be influenced by different events and experieces.

I wonder how would i have performed if i was on that show. Quite a sad kid i guess. Haha.

I guess over time i've learnt to play down my struggles. It's still an ongoing struggle sometimes. Sometimes its non-existent, sometimes its so obvious. Hee don't really feel like discussing it here.

Or am i just running away from something that should be confronted and corrected? You can call it running away... or maybe, i'm just viewing things in a different light, in a different manner, from a different point of view.

Haha but life isn't bleak, and its not sucky either.

I think that for one thing that i should be sad about, i've got a million other things to be happy about.

Haha. I'm a weird optimistic pessimist, or the other way round, maybe. =)

"You’re blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule." -- Matthew 5:3

My life is in His hands.

Random.

My final decision... ... not to go for YA camp.

Sigh.

Haiz.

Desperation.

A few things i am/need to be desperate about...

1) God!!!
-- My wonderful Saviour whom i can never get enough of. And yes, i really need to be more desperate for God to move, in my life, and for those around me. It's only at the saturation point that the cute little crystals start forming, isn't it? =)
2) To study!!!
-- seriously my studying has been not good these days. Lots of allowing myself to be distracted and stuff. But i'd be back in full steam tomorrow!! No more slacking shujing, or u'd have to go slap yourself soon.
3) To get a job after As!
-- Haha this is something which i'm desperate for now.

Oh yes by the way... my prelim exam results are A B D b3 merit. Yes i've wanted my A B C or A B B before, and i still want A A A b3 merit for the actual As. But hey, i'm really happy that i actually got the results i've got. And i know i've really got to thank the Holy Spirit for it. =) Hee. =)

So now, it's time for more mugging for the actual As to come! Haha. Thank God it's not anxiety this time round, but excitement. =)

Be desperate for Jesus.

Looking back,

Crazy me... who has been distracted time and again... went to revisit my old blog. 2 of them actually.

Haha... i'm totally disgusted by the standard of english i possessed in sec 4. Thank God for still giving me that A1 for english so that i could come to vjc. I wonder how i actually survived writing the blog.

I've been through certain things... grown out of certain things... learnt certain things...

I guess... we would all grow someday. =)

After As!

I seem to be in some kind of desperation for a job after As. Haha... maybe the word "seem" is redundant.

Yes i want a job after A's! Haha teaching is good but wonder if i can teach back at tkg and i cant really teach well anyway. But i still prefer any accountancy or law jobs. To just try out a little bout where i should be. Yep. Any job offerings you know of to do like accountantclerkish stuff or any legal sector stuff please inform me yea. Thanks! =)

In the meantime, it'll be more of mugging to gt my As to get into the faculty i want. =)

Byebye! =)

Hee... =)

Using "hee"s a lot nowadays. Haha.

Realised a few things today.
1) When i get really quiet when i'm going on a bus or something on the way home, don't worry, i'm not emo, angry, feel bored talking to you or whatsoever. I'm just tired... and when i'm tired, my brain has a proclivity to function a little slower... so i usually don't feel like talking then.
2) I don't say goodbyes. Haha actually this is something i realised from a long time ago. It's not that i'm super dao or i hate saying goodbye... its just that, i dont dare to say goodbye when i dont have 100% that you'd reply goodbye to me. Haha. I guess i dislike the feeling of saying goodbye to someone and just get totally ignored. Same applies to hello. I won't really say hello unless you're right in my face and i know you'd know that i'm saying hello to you and out of your kindness, you would return the greeting. Greetings are a tricky matter, especially if i sometimes wonder if people would react in "huh do i even know you?" manner... heh. Uh so... say hi to me and goodbye to me okie? Then i'd know i can greet you next time round.
3) I only take the initiative to get to know people sometimes. Most of the time, i'm waiting for others to take the initiative. That's why i function badly under times when my clique isnt around... bleah. I don't dare cos i don't know if you would want me as a friend or not. I don't like to self-invite myself. Heh.

Okie i'm getting really tired now... if i closed my eyes i could probably fall asleep almost immediately. Guess i should continue writing those cards while waiting for my hair to dry with the fan blowing directly at it.

I'll be in church tomorrow (or maybe, today!)! Heh. =)

Morning! =)

And i thought loving others was instinctive.

I'm now in the process of trying to love others more. Bleah. I've already said countless things which have put people down in this week alone. That's bad!!! Sorry to those whom i've hurt/traumatized/make-you-feel-less-than-who-you-are this week (and the previous weeks too.. heh.)!

Bible quiz later!!! Phew i'm not in it... or else i'd be mugging the bible like crazy now, for some last minute revision. Heh. Sorry maddy!

Imperfect.

Shujing's imperfect.

She's flawed. Very.

All she's got is a perfect Saviour who would save and strengthen her.

Random.

I realise i enjoy reading compliments. Because i'm constantly putting myself down, i need something to pull me up too.

Then i figured out, God has the best compliments for me.

He told me, you are beautiful and wonderfully made.

And He means it. =)

Praise God! =)

Life isn't a bed of roses...

But i'm thankful, that even after a really rotten day, i get comfort and assurance, from knowing that God is in control (so long as i allow Him to), that He is leading me and guiding me along, to His perfect plan for me.

=)

Cos you paid the price,
i give You my life,
i'm Yours.

1/2 day left to mugging again.

Nope, there wasn't kbox yesterday. We went to xiao quan's house... and watched the exorcism of emily rose. That show wasn't particularly scary at that point of time... i was sane at that moment and knew that God had control over everything, including demons and the such. But i got scared at night. Ah. Stupid me. Now to think of it, why did i for a few moments forget that God is the God of all? Ah.

I guess... i'm scared of darkness. Duh. From young i've been scared of ghosts and such. Got scared of clowns even, after watching a scary movie bout some clown. Every time after i watched a scary movie, i'd be unable to sleep comfortably at night. I'd be trying to cover myself up with my blanket, even though i felt super warm and was sweating buckets. And then i'd feel like waking my sister up to tell her that the air-con's spoilt, just so that i have someone to talk to at that point of time. Sometimes my mind just runs wild thinking and imagining, and getting scared of things which i don't actually have to be scared of, since i have Christ in me.

Over time, as i grew up, i became slightly less frightened by such things... after all, bulk of the ghost stories were fiction and were untrue. Perhaps the story of the exorcism of emily rose was real, that's why i got really scared.

Ahh.... i should stop thinking about that now.

I've got 1/2 day left before i start my mugging for As. My holiday's coming to an end already! That's so fast. Yet... i don't mind studying.

2 more months until i get total libertation from studying (temporarily, until i get back to uni.). Shall i say... let's cherish the time we've got left in JC? =)

If we were on a deserted island... ...

If the 2 of us were stuck on a deserted isolated island in the middle of nowhere together with no one else around, would we be able to survive together?

Would i be gathering the bananas while you gather the pineapples, or would you be gathering your own longans while i gather my own longans?

Would you tell me your life story and include me in your future story, or would we prefer to talk to the ants than to talk to each other?

Would I be screaming for help on the northern beach of the island while you tried getting help on the southern coast, or would we be enjoying the sunset together?

Would you love me more than you do now and would i love you more than i do now?

Good day! =)

I'm seemingly pleased at my attempts to slack my day away. I've wasted a whole morning watching television after lazing in bed until 10am. Woke up only reluctantly because cramps were getting really bad, if not, i could have stayed in bed for a much longer time.

Haha... but these kind of slacking days are rather meaningless, although they're really relaxing and empties your brain after weeks of intensive studying... thank God i have them for only a few days in the whole year. Heh.

And i'm getting appalled by the amount of trash that my brain processes every single day. Heh. Like, i'm hardly thinking anything constructive! Yucks.

It's now around 1pm. Will do the form thingy, then write the letters, then maybe take a nap. Yea that accounts for the whole of afternoon. It'll be qt at night. =) Will have the time and energy to pray, and really pray until i hear God speak sooo clearly. =) Need His help in lotsa things. Hee.

I hope this cramps thingy ends soon, so that i can stop rolling aroundn in agony. Didn't enjoy lunch just now because of it.

K-box tomorrow... haha... but i don't have $$$$ to go! I need to set aside $$$ for the cards thingies.

Wed, would be writing the cards, and YM prayer meeting at 4, then comm meeting at 7.

Thur would be back to school, and back to studying, and this time round, for the As.

Ahhhhhhh....

There, you've got the overview of Shujing's coming week in a few matter of lines. Maybe, its not the overview that matters, but its the details in it which makes life interesting. =)

Happy and blessed me will now finally set myself to doing the stuff i've got to do! Byebye and enjoy your week! =)

Oh here's a really good line to recall from saturday... ... work, to give. =)

3rd time now...

Yes its the 3rd time i'm blogging in a matter of hours. What's the reason for this peculiar behaviour? Oh ya... i was supposed to be really free and bored and bo liao after my prelims (yes, i'm temporarily really giving myself a break from all work and just slacking my time away.) so here i am again!

And now Shujing wonders if anybody shares the same value system as she does... haha... one in a million again?

Uhhh...

I have failed in my attempt to insert a tagboard. Haha... like why the sudden urge to place a tagboard when i've avoided it so far?

Here are the reasons why i don't want a tagboard:
1) A fear that nobody would tag. Like hello, i'm not so popular that people would actually read the boring posts on my blog. (as i write this point down, i'm at the same time wondering, what's this post for then? haha...) Once nobody tags, i'll have another reason to indulge myself in pity-partying again. Which is baddie. I've decided quite a long time ago to step out of my own world to devote myself into the lives of others.
2) A fear that someone would criticize my entries. Haha... ever since that incident from sec 3 and numerous incidents from then on, i figured out its dangerous to have a tagboard. (one of the reasons why i don't tell everybody about my blog and have everybody to link it or show it as my msn nick or something)(i don't have such a wonderful personality that everybody loves you see... haha)(to save my own skin...)

So here are the reasons why i might consider having a tagboard:
1) If my friends who read my blog want to tag anything. (friendly people who would not criticize... heh.)

So... if you want me to insert a tagboard, just tell me personally that you want it to dispel my fears... and i might just consider putting in more effort to put that tagboard in. (haha, i failed in the attempt to place a tagboard not because i'm so html-stupid, although i actually quite la heh, but cos i didnt really bother to find out how to.)

Okie enough about tagboards. Blogs are fun! Allows you to peep into other people's lives without actualy having to know them that well personally. Satisfies my certain curiosity (and helps update me since i'm so outdated...) for the stuff that happens in the lives of others. But then again, some things... well... i feel, its better not to find out. Hee. =)

Oh btw, i should have mentioned in my previous entry... it's the first time since a few months ago that i came to church on sunday for sunday service! Ahhh miss it so much... just sitting on the comfortable chair on the 4th level hall, and having cell prayer after that and seeing chunks of people sitting around, going for lunch afterwards, and having some major slacking time in the youth room after returning from lunch. Ahhh!!! Well... i'll be back after my As!!! =)

Hello!

Haha was really quite high just now.

Was laughing to myself on the bus and doing weird stuff while i was recounting all the stupid and idiotic things i did so far. All the thingies about haha, bribes?? And me trying to get of the bible quiz thing.

But yea it was really quite funny i felt. So yea, i'm out of the bible quiz thing! Sorry to those who voted for me yea.

There's tingling sensation around my cheeks now. I cant really feel the tip of my tongue, and the whole of my nose. So guess what... i think i'm having an allergy from the wan tan soup i'm mum prepared just now, or rather, the prawns in them.

Haha and i figured out my brain thinks of really weird stuff sometimes. Hehh!

I figured that i'll know when i've got quite a crush on some guy when i really think of him only and not bout other guys as well. Makes sense? Heeh. I mean, haha, my crushes are always subjected to a high level of psycho-ing such that my mind rules 60% and my heart 40%. So it's easy for me to tell myself 'i don't like that guy' and 'maybe the other guy is better'. Haha. Just a random idea when i was wondering how to differentiate 'don't mind' and 'considering' from 'liking' someone. I mean, sometimes subconsciously we're just considering 'hey, this person seems superficially ok, might meet some of the requirements' right? Or is it just me and my mind only? Oh and haha i just felt like talking bout my theory bout crushes again. You have a crush not really on that someone, but on certain things that he does that really melt your heart. Eg he's ultra nice or something. To put it in another manner, you don't really like the whole of the person (not when you dunno him that much), but you like a part of that person. So its easier to 'like' than to 'love'. Haha. One of my blabbering-of-nonsense moments again. =)

It's sweeter to say "i'm in love with you" than "i love you". (i'm still trying to formulate a reason for that. Maybe for the former, the emphasis and the subject is 'you', while in the latter, the subject is both 'i' and 'you'? Or maybe the first conjured images of two people surrounded in a sea of love, but the second just shows love as something between the two people but not surrounding them? Haha...)I would say 'i love you' to loads of people, even to some guy friends. But i won't say 'i'm in love with you'... (like, huh r u making a confession or something?)

Oh btw. I realised i turn red very easily! Not good not good... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! How how how how how???

Last phase is here.

With the official closure of my prelim exams, i have once again denigrated into a potato that sits firmly on a couch. Or maybe in front of the computer.

Haha maybe i'd try playing 'sheep' (the computer game with really cute sheep inside) tomorrow or something.

But post-prelim activities are packed. =) Gotta go to bugis again and buy those really cute writing pads if i've time, if not, i'll just go to marina square, which i am, on tuesday. =)

I woke up at 8 automatically today and couldn't get back to sleep. Rolled around in my oh-so-comfortable bed until 8.30am before waking up to brush my teeth. Waking up at 8am on normal school holidays day when i've to study is a torture... but now, its normal. See what i mean when i say sleep's a luxury only when you're really busy.

Maybe its the busy-ness that gives sleep its value. Similarly, perhaps its hard work which gives play its value. Heh.

But i'm going to start revising again from next thur again (when we get back our papers, including maths s... gasps!). Wonder how long it'll take for me to get back to the mood of studying again. I took one whole month to finally reach the 10h studying every day in the last week before prelims.

Anyway before i forget, i shall give God a huge shoutout. =) He's the One who helped me through my exams, and the One who enlightened my mind in times of acute stoning. He's the One who gave me these abilities in the first place.

It's so fast huh... time's fleeting. Before i know it, rapture would be here soon and i'll be happily praising God already. =) Then again, time seems fleeting maybe only because my mind only remembers the significant events that have happened in my life. The events that happen in my life are easily condensed into a mere time frame. I'm forgetting things which i don't want to forget. But then again... perhaps the more significant events will always stay inside my mind. Too much reminscing doesn't help at all anyway, like the time when i entered jc with my expectations following the tkg experience. Let's just look forward, and not keep looking back to a certain era of utopia which has already been romanticised in our minds, shall we?

And... we're all blessed in different ways. =)

Final LibErAtiOn frOm pRelIm ExAms.... in a days' time. =)

Counting down, 1 day to the end of prelim exams!!!

My beautiful and wonderfully made tim sum, here i come to eat you up tomorrow! Haha. Yeps, going out with my secondary school mates for timsum tomorrow.

Next tuesday shall be kbox with my classmates. Believe it or not, its the first time i'm going to kbox. Singing's not really my forte heh... i hope i don't stone too much and waste all my $$$. I'd rather use the money to have a burger at carl's junior or something. Yummy! Ah yes, shopping at marina square, here i come too! =)

Oh but the problem is, i have no money to splurge. Have decided not to waste my parents' money, so the next time i'm really going to spend (other than the times when i need their financial support at the end of the year with all the camps and stuff...) will be next year after i have earned sufficient $$$$ to go to thailand and change my whole wardrobe or something.

I'm still dreaming about my future toyota yaris... it's really so cute! Aw. Now my current dream is to be able to buy a condo next time. Haha. Wellies. If i have the financial ability to do that in the first place.

Oh and i tried to convince myself for a brief moment that the life of an average teenager is exciting... since actually we can do and think sooo many things in a day.

Such as waking up (yup, everyday's a different struggle), eating (yup, the different things we eat and the different levels of satisfaction we get from eating), watching television (oh yes, the most exciting activity so far... something which withdraws us from our own lives into the lives of certain fictional characters with lives much more exciting and entertaining than ours... and the intellectual and emotional churnings they bring make us feel as if our own lives were exciting as well), day-dreaming (i figured out a long time ago i usually day dream about the same thing all over and over and over again within a few hours... but wellies, the stuff you day-dream about everyday can be different anyways), studying (especially history, which brings you across events that happen from the late 18th century, all the way to Y2K, and sometimes you would feel as if you have actally experienced those events before!), and sleeping again (of which i wouldnt' really remember, since i'm, well, sleeping). So see, our lives are exciting in a sense.

Okie... the above is a failure at convincing myself about the excitement of my life, at least in the physical and earthlyyy sensey. It was supposed to be a little sarcastic by the way, just in case you think that i really think that waking up, eating, sleeping can be really exciting stuffs.

But since when was it meant to be that way? So many exciting things are happening... in the spiritual atmosphere especially. Am i catching up?

Hold me now and never ever let me go.
My Jesus, my precious Saviour, i'm forever Yours.

The Temporary Liberation From the Manacles of Prelim Exams

Yesh, i'm now in the midst of my temporary liberation from the manacles of the preliminary examinations.

Ah. I'm in a total mood of not studying. But there's still maths 's' on friday so i'd better go study soon. I'll do that after i do my qt then. =)

Emotions are truly unreliable sometimes. Emo curves go up and down, make a turn, or go on a temporary exponential curve up or down before it platues, and rises up again. It's different everyday. And perspectives are partially affected by emotions as well... whatever i think yesterday at a "emo" time, i might despise my own thinking yesterday when i look at it again too when i'm no longer in the "emo" mood.

So... i guess the ordinary teenager's life can be really boring and would hardly make it as any television programme because it'll be sooo boring it has no entertainment value at all, but those little emotions of us help us spice up our lives (especially the pity-party stuff). But wellies, some "emo" things are real things to be comprehended and settled though.

Life is short thats why you should play as much as you can? Haha... from my perspective, its precisely cos life on earth's short, thats why you should do less of playing your life away...

On a totally different note,

I went for the end times seminar yesterday. It was cool... =)
But i had the shivers when i read revelations yesterday night when i was in my room by myself.
Thank God that i'm going to be raptured up before the Great Tribulation comes, since that time is really going to be scary... the antichrist, the beast, the 666 thing, yucks!

Oh by the way... rapture (as i know it), is the time where the saved kids of Christ get caught up into the air. Aka, it'll be a time when the christians around you disappear. From the little bits and pieces i've picked up, if you believe in the pre-trib rapture, it means that rapture would come before the Great Tribulation, meaning that the christians will get caught up, and then the 7 years of Tribulation will start... some guy will rise up from the international community and say that he has the answers to all the chaos... somewhere in the meantime, he gets a peace treaty between israel and the arab states (and they really keep peace! Shocking... since, they haven't had peace for like, whao, never...)... and with all his answers and his knowledge and ability whatsoever, people will start to believe that he's the saviour. And then there'd be world peace and/or unity for like, 3 1/2 years... then after that, chaos starts getting in. Christians left behind (or new born ones) during the Great Tribulation will start getting killed. People will have to be marked (that's where the 666 thing comes in...), either on their forehead or on their right hand, by the mark of the beast, and that marking would be obtained only if you choose to worship that guy, and the marking is essential for you to buy and sell food, so you actually gotta have it if not u'd die lah (oh please choose to die then, since if you die as a christian, you'd be able to join God). It'll be scary times lah ok... and the Great Tribulation would end with the second coming of Christ... it'll be a cute scene, cos the people on earth would try to gather to shoot Christ down, but when Christ comes, He'd speak His Word (the double edged sword from the mouth of the rider of the white horse), and the armies would be destroyed.

Disclaimer... i don't know if what i've written above is true or not, because maybe it's made up of human interpretation... i'll come back with a more accurate picture after finishing the seminar thingy on friday. =)

I hope everyone reading this will be raptured when the time comes... but if you dont, and one fine day the christians around you disappear seemingly into thin air... go pick up a bible immediately! Go recieve Christ! And stay with Christ! Don't get decieved!

Please... i wanna see my friends and family with me in heaven.

You may think i'm going crazy, some fundamentalist rattling her mouth off some fictional and lame idea of the end of the world...

But i know my God, and I listen to His Word, as best as i could. If that is what He says, that is what will happen.

Be ready!

Revelations 1:7
Look, he is coming with the clouds,
and every eye will see him,
even those who pierced him;
and all the peoples of the earth wo;;
mourn because of him.
So shall it be! Amen.

SlacKinG!!!

Yew i'm slacking now... thought i just picked up my econs....

Anyway i kind of realised i have hardly any other entertainment than to study and watch tv.

The only busy times is when i have something to do in church.

Ah that's right! I shall spend time doing up the notice board after i finish my prelims next friday. Ok i have some thing to do after all.

I guess i've gotten used to not shopping and eating out and all that kind of thingies already.

Work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work!

Randomly...

Post-dinner entertainment is reduced to using 5 min to read a couple of blogs, before i return yet once again to my darling books.

Yes, in times like this, books are precious... i'd love them even more if i get my grades.

Well after all, studying is a easy thing for me so i guess my life has been easy so far. =)

Maybe it's just all about perspectives.

My 'breakthrough' in studying came when i saw that the long term benefits of studying far outweigh current benefits and fun. Think about econs, and the thingy about investment and current consumption. The opportunity cost of studying might be my 'current consumption', but my 'investment' would bring increasing to returns to scale, i hope. =) Anyway studying's a low-stress activity. Books won't criticize you, parents definetly wont scold you for studying. Much better than crying every time i obtain my results right.

You can see every trial as an end... but perhaps your life might be easier if you saw them as a means to an end.

Then again, i'm so blessed and thank God, i've not really been through any hardship before. I have a great family, good friends, a roof over my head, the ability to say that i'm fat... and so much more....

Thank God for everything i have. =)

Oh btw... haha, i dunno why, but hearing the song Majesty from the new planetshakers album 'pick it up' just makes me laugh so much... lol! =)

Reflections

Never given much thought to this issue called death.

Is death just a mere stoppage of the heart function? Or more than that?

It's almost disconcerting to find that one day you find someone walking around, and the next day, that someone is... well, gone. Out of this earth.

If the stoppage of your heart function and your death marks the end of your life and your whole being, what are you living for today? There's nothing called eternity to look out for, no afterlife and whatsoever, whatever you do in this life would end once you pass away, so what are you living for? .... but is this it?

My body will be gone when i die... but my Spirit will rise and have a heavenly form and i will go to heaven.

My death wouldn't be the end in itself... true, it'll be the end of my life on earth, but it'll be the start of my life in heaven.

So i'm living, in anticipation of the day i reunite with God.

Since when have i had any life without knowing Jesus anyway? 1 Jn 5:11-12, "And this is the testimony: that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has life, he who does not have the Son of God does not have life".

You know what i call heaven? A place we go after we die to reunite with God. If you don't know my God, why do you want to go to heaven, since we go there to reunite with Him?

My God conquered the grave, He has victory over death.

Thank You Jesus, that i'll be in heaven when i pass away.

I am a flower quickly fading,
here today and gone tomorrow,
away and tossed in the ocean,
vapour in the wind.
Still You hear me when i'm calling,
Lord You catch me when i'm falling,
and You told me who I am...
I am Yours.

tHe StArdEE sleepover

Well... turns as (as almost expectedly) that we didn't study that much after all. Haha, so much for me wanting to get 10h of solid studying. Managed 10h after all, but not without staying up until 1am to do so.

I have slept from 1-4 for 3 whole hours without hearing my alarm clock ring, that shows how zonked out i am from the previous night where i slept for probably only 3+h.

Sleep is good! It's both the luxury, and the necessity. So elasticity of sleep is...

Ok i shall be nice, and go do my revision now. Didn't finish history yesterday. Yikes!

My acceptance of me. =)

As i reflect upon my actions, my life, my character, i'm slowly learning to accept that everybody leads different lives. Nobody lives a perfect life... life itself is a multi faceted affair... you can be happy one day, sad the next, and perhaps a combination of both the day after. I may have my own insecurities, my own weaknessess... even as i day-dream about what is there to come, what i can expect, what i wish would happen in the future, i'm learning not to despise my own failings, to accept myself for who i am... that i can relax the exercise of comparing myself with others, that they have certain strengths, while i have my own strengths too.

I am me, i am God's child. I am accepted and loved by Him, no matter what. =)

Hmmm.

I've found another use for the blog! For me to rant and vent out my frustrations, and look at them some other day and think about how stupid they are.

Haha i got reminded about what mr chua taught us on like, the last GP lesson or something. The magnifiying of your beliefs.

Here's the sequence...
: I can't play this song -- i can't play this type of music -- i can't play the piano -- i'm not musically inclined -- i totally suck at music!
: I'm stoning for the moment -- nobody's talking to me -- nobody wants to talk to me -- i'm so lonely -- i'm a loner -- i don't, and wouldn't, have any friends -- i'm a loser!

The above are the two sequences which most commonly pop up in my head. Of course, there'd be other thousands and thousands of 'magnifying-the-problem' sequences that go on in my head, perhaps subconsiously, that run so fast i can hardly catch and identify them.

At least for those that i can identify, there's a higher possibility of me being able to correct the possibly wrong thinking that runs in these little threads.

Then of course, there are some of my weaknesses which i have to take time to overcome or accept. Nobody's made perfect. If we were perfect, we wouldn't need Jesus to die on the Cross for our sins already.

I'm getting really tired now.

Not being emo though, which is a good thing. Perhaps it's more of a deeper realization of myself, and the evaluation of it in a more objective manner.

Oh btw, in the financial game thingy, doctors earn big bucks man. =)

My cup broke. =(

BOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

I BROKE MY CUP. =(

So sad.

That cup has been with me for such a long time. And because of my own carelessness, i broke it.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Sum3 Toats4

Heh here are some of my own personal thoughts on this little question about religion... sorry if your views differ from mine... =)

Is religion still relevant in today's world?

The implication of that question, would be that people belong to a certain religion because it plays a certain function in their life and satisfy some kind of need in their life.

We'd have probably answered it in a yea, it brings emotional support, and satisfy one's needs for a stable and secure faith in times of unsettling scientific madness (haha sorry, didn't really know how to phrase this), to help them survive in this social-darwinism world where only the strong would survive. The decline in religion then, would be linked to scientific discoveries and a greater emphasis on logical and rational thinking.

Yea christianity does bring loads of benefits to my life. But somehow... i don't think the benefits are really the crux of the matter.

Ok lets rephrase the question a little... is religion relevant to you? Then think about... how Paul would have answered that question...

Paul was sent to jail for many times, and eventually got killed for spreading the gospel in the face of persecution. Yet with all that, he still said he had the joy of the Lord. He probably wouldnt have answered that question in the manner that we would . He'd be unable to anyway, since he probably found more physical security in his previous job of persecuting the jews than spreading the gospel(although it can be said that he found security, because that security was God-given and spiritual). In a sense, he didn't get the 'assurance' in religion, much less the 'widening of his social circle', and the other 'functions' of religion.

Maybe he'd be more likely to ask, how would i be relevant to my religion?

Haha i'm still confused about whether i should make a distinction between religion, and God. But i guess there is, since religion is the belief in a supernatural being right?

In my personal opinion, i guess, even if religion weren't relevant, God will still be, and i will place my trust in Him. =)

Never really made sense to me to question whether God was relevant or not, or even to try to figure out the 'functions' of God.

I'm a christian, not bcos i saw the value in placing my faith in christianity, like i can get more friends or i have some place to spend my weekend at, but because I know God and i know He's real.

So, it's time for me to, ask not what God can do for me, but what i can do for God.

Even when all else fades, i will worship Him, for He is my God. =)

RanDoM BlOggie QuEsTiOn

Sometimes when i feel like blogging but have nothing much and exciting to blog about, i won't blog.

Someone made a passing comment that she won't blog much since she doesn't feel humourous enough on that day.

So that led me to think... does my blog post have to be entertaining?

So the blog serves a give and take relationship. To the blogger, blogging would allow his/her to indulge in narcissistic exhibitionism (this is a term used a a certain GP paper...). To the reader of the blog, the blog entries, then, would be entertaining. In short, you entertain my self-indulgence, and i entertain you as well. You offer me something, and i offer you something in return too.

Then this would beg the question... how much do i actually have to entertain you, the reader of this blog?

I thought the blog's about me (hopefully, you'll be seeing my God rather than just me alone.)(i'm referring to 'me' in the general sense anyway), so i blog when i feel like, not when i feel as if i have something to entertain you about.

Or is entertaining you linked to some other more important goals i have in mind, for example, my wish to portray myself as someone humourous and entertaining and fun-loving (i repeat, this is just an example... i'm still in the slipping quietly to the side kind of mood)?

The main tension lies in this really fundamental question: what are the functions of this blog?

I would love to start quoting the names of famous researchers and their findings like how i quote the Fallers quy in my GP essay for his writings on the functions of the family. But, well, too bad, i haven't actually read any readings regarding blogging. Firstly since it's a fairly new medium which has been discussed more for its content than for its functions. Secondly, i have absolutely no intention of doing a GP essay about blogs (hopefully i wouldn't have to make such an endeavour for the actual A level paper), so i haven't been reading about it anyway. Therefore, it's really up to you if you want to ponder upon the reasons for why people keep personal blogs.

My work now then, is to complete my maths paper, from which i have deviated badly from.

Heh.

=)

Slacked in church.

Haha i was supposed to study... but seriously didn't feel like after the GP paper. So i've decided to give myself the day off and not study. Yay. Rest times and slack times are considered essential for my well being and to keep my stress levels down and motivation up. =)

So... i sat in church and attempted to study... then started talking and talking and uncle danny came in and etc. So. Make a guess on the topic we talked about...
yes that's right, no presents for the ones with correct guesses...
marriage! =)

Haha.

A few funny thoughts popped up in my head. But i guess i'm kind of lazy to recall them now.

Haha guess my ideas of arranged marriages and being a housewife wouldn't work out that well after all. (arranged marriage cos' uncle danny reminded me that there wld be a chance of me getting into sum3 marriage with sum3 guy that i detest... so... yew, no thanks.)(being a housewife cos... my original intention was to stay at home to look after the child when he/she is still a toddler, then i'll go back to work when the child is like, 1 or 2 or something. But the conclusion was, working women are more attractive. So. Yup.)

So i guess i'm not born in the wrong era after all. =)

Heh i'm kind of scared that i'm not meeting up to expectations. This is going to be hard, but Lord bring me through. =)

Ramblings of (my view of) marriage II

Haha there was YM leader's meeting just now.

We were initially talking about divorce... and then... it became...
marriage.

=)Haha.

Maybe i should seriously consider praying for the guy God has intended for me. At least pray for him that he's saved, and that he's doing well, and he's growing a lot spiritually. =)

You know theres this romantic line like, "i loved you before i knew you"? I think i wld very much prefer that my future spouse tells me that "i prayed for you before i knew you were the one". Haha. That syntax is highly unromantic however.

Then perhaps i might try to pray too that God will show me the guy too when the time comes, so that i won't miss him or he won't miss me. (imagine the knight and the princess... the knight is riding by on his white horse... but... eh, ooi, he fails to see the princess, who was too busy looking at the wild flowers on the roadside. So they fail to see each other. Boohoo.) (But then again, haha, if its God intended, we will see each other somehow.)

Haha... i wonder how the pairings in church wld be like. I looked around at the YMers and like... there might be a few couples eventually within that lot??!!! I hardly see any remote possibility around. Hah. It'll be interesting to see how things change. It's just so cutteee projecting a possible image of the future, with like people getting married and all. (sometimes i imagine the cute little scenes where we talk to each other's children and go "your mother ahh, when she was young ahh... ...")

Hmmm i do want to get a boyfriend and get married. Just that... i think i still have some time to go before i develop a relationship with the correct one. (maybe i've met him already... .... ...) I mean, i'm really scared that i'm still unprepared, that i might be a witch instead of a princess.

Oh well.

I've mentioned this before i guess but haha i'll just put it down again in the name of fun.

Some of the points which constitute my criteria for a boyfriend is...
1) A christian!!! Someone who loves God more than He loves me. Haha.
2) Someone confident but not egoistic.
3) Someone driven in life, by God and for God. (he should be serving in one way or another too)
4) Someone who would want to have a family and be ready to commit to it.
And a few others.
(oh i don't really have 'smart' as one of my criteria though)

Some things which can melt my heart sometimes...
1) A really nice guy.
2) A really sweet guy.

As you can tell, my standards are high. (whoa i wonder if i can match up to a guy of that kind of calibre...) But anyway. Jesus died on the Cross for both of us, so we don't come cheap k. It's justifiable that the standards are high... i mean, the guy is one in a million!

I pray that i'll be going the straight and God-intended way for me with regards to relationship. =)

Thank God!!!

Ramblings about Marriage

Oh guess what... i'm stil confused about the spelling of 'marraige'. Heh.

Anyway. Just a few thoughts after reading some of the marriage essays in our dear kaleidoscope. Oh btw, just to let you know... yes, i belong to the group of people whom the authors of various essays have referred to as "the people who still believe in the traditional institution of marriage as a result of their religious beliefs", so that you would know what to expect of out reading this post. Yea i'm a conservative. =)

There's something which i've always found rather incomprehensible about marriage... the voluntary abdication of individualism. Once you establish a holy matrimony with someone else, you won't be living for yourself anymore... you'd be living for that person too. I've always thought that when i get married, i would devote time to my family, and even quit my job if needed to take care of my kids... but then a friend proposed to me that i should try to get a life of my own. And that led me to think... wow, why would people in this excessively materialistic and individualistic society (sorry this is an exaggeration to bring out the cliche moralizing that exists in certain essays) give up their individualism to live for someone else???

Love?

Haha and then that made me think... marriage is more than love. It's a commitment to attachment. Pretty much like our relationship with God right? We say we love Him, and, yes we do... but sometimes it's a conscious effort to commit to Him. So marriage is all lovey-dovey? I don't think so... but yet, i believe it can still be sweet in its own sense. Anyway the attachment thing does matter. That when the flowers die and the ring gets rusty, the attachment still stays.

Don't worry i'm not the oh-my-goodness-there-is-no-love-in-this-world person. Neither am i a proponent of arranged marriages (although my small little puny brain does entertain that thought sometimes... i mean, hey, i can just sit and wait and almost do nothing for that guy to come right.). Yes, i still do dream of those kind of sweet marriages which invoke that really "awwwwwwww" side of my emotions.

Oh and guess what... i'm still not ready yet for any form of bgr. I'm still living in my own world, and to admit it, i'm struggling to look out of my own world, to the needs and emotions of others, to actively bless others instead of waiting to be blessed. So, my system is ready to scream "alert, alert, intruder!!!" if any alien guy enters into my world. hey, wait a moment... he wouldn't just enter my world, he'd make up part of it.

Haha. Thank God that the institution of marriage makes much more sense since it's comparable to the relationship we have with Him. =) Otherwise, i would have a really hard time getting around the notion of building up a family yet retaining your individuality at the same time.

Until now, the kind of bgr kind of love and affection remains far from my sight and my brain and my mind, totally alienistic and hardly conceivable...

Who would be the one who would have the capacity to embolden me for this wonderful and glorious Holy Matrimony?

(this writer is only 18 at the moment, but already thinking about marriage since her brain has a proclivity to drift off into faraway lands while revising her GP. Don't worry, she'd be back to the real world in a short time where she would attempt to address more pressing issues such as the preparation for her preliminary exams instead of thinking about her marriage which would probably take place about 8 years down the road.)

I'd better go check out the correct spelling for 'marriage' now.

=)

=)

After a really emo emo saturday, i'm back to school again... and even nearer to the prelims than ever. Ah.

Oh i hate it when i'm emo by the way. Prefer my usual, stable self.

Woke up yesterday and had a productive half of sunday morning in church. Heh. =)

Ah.

When my A's end, i'll be back in full force again.

In the meantime, it's so much more of glorifying God with my studies.

So then, i'm off to studying.

=)

------------

Mon: School, nap, study, sleep.
Tue: School, nap, study, sleep.
Wed: School, nap, study, sleep.
Thur: School, nap, study, sleep.
Friday: School, nap, study, sleep.
(note that above schedule doesn't include eating times.)

Wow. Nice routine isn't it? Haha.

Saturdays are usually more exiting. Some weekdays as well, when i have stuff to do in church.

Ah well.

This december would be exciting! For starters, it marks the start of the end of 'A's!!! (recall the end of 'O's... and i thought the nightmarish exams were over then but they have actually just begun) There's YM camp, then YA camp. =) And i foresee myself rolling around on my bed for a full whole day, waking up just to eat and watch tv.

Then again, sleep is only a luxury when i'm busy. It's a 'sian' activity when i'm free actually.

Oh i recalled i wanted to talk about the weird and funny and cute things my brain has been thinking about. Haha. But then again, only God knows. Haha.

Off to Maths 'S' now.

Oh by the way,

God is awesome!!! =)