every day i am reminded of how painfully transient life is.

kylie gig last night! (all thanks to the love of my life kossy ng)

WOW WOW WOW WOW! (hurhur ala one of her very innovatively-titled songs)

strangely enough, ive never realised how subtly penetrative kylie's music is.

i er, actually knew all the songs, and shamelessly pranced my way through all the songs like it was one giant mambo party. (which reminds meeee, ZOUKOUT is coming yay)

*points at photo*

see glazed, wide-eyed looks only mambo-ish music is capable of inducing. hur.

if you peer hard enough, you might spot kylie in the background. =D

ok i have many many work to do, and none of it done yet. bye y'all.

"Because a lover exists only in fragments, a dozen or so if the romance is new, a thousand if we've married him, and out of those fragments our heart constructs an entire person. What we each create, since whatever is missing is filled in by our imagination, is the person we wish him to be. The less we know him, of course, the more we love him. And that's why we always remember that first rapturous night when he was a stranger, and why this rapture returns only when he is dead."

The Story of a Marriage, Andrew Sean Greer

the rain kinda matches my mood. and coldplay still gets me in a gut-wrenching kinda way.

it's a public holiday. WHY AM I STILL AT THIS????

rawr!

im still chuckling over weekend gf's anecdote about 'black underwear'.

ohmytian i really really really love my humsups.

today was therapy. ive almost finished a book! (yeah yeah chastise me for being a huge geek but exhaustion has somewhat deprived me of my normal bibliphilic tendencies. hohoho)

tmr i shall go out and get Lucky Jim!

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Snow Patrol's Signal Fire is a beautiful song.

I've heard it countless times, and yet it never fails to make me well, feel.

In the confusion and the aftermath,
you are my signal fire

11pm and my shift is almost over. I've had a most unproductive 2 days, and i dont like it one bit.

But i do enjoy the solitude of the later shift. It gives me time and space to think. sometimes i find myself forgetting and that scares me. things, words, emotions that used to come to me so easily seem to evade me abit, and i have to dig abit deeper for them.

i cant explain alot of what im feeling. perhaps its just buildup because im tired and im frustrated. frustrated with people who wont cut me some slack. frustrated with people who dont think before they open their mouths. frustrated with all the possibilities, including the one where i ask myself if i could have done it better.

maybe i could have done it better, just maybe. but im trying to stay convinced that you cant really please everybody so just have to make do.

and then of course there are the doubts whether or not this is what you envisaged for yourself. im happy but i feel i could be happier. and there again you have the inevitable feeling of discontent. i could be happier if....? always the what-ifs.

this is a terribly terribly disjointed post. and sometimes it starts to feel like talking about it is pointless. thinking about it is even worse.

what i am very very grateful for though, is friends who still love me (THERE'D BETTER NOT BE ANYONE DISPUTING THAT) and want to hang out with me. despite my hang-ups, my mood swings, my crazy hours, my getting-sleepy-by-midnight. and for that kind of support, i feel truly truly blessed. so thank you. =)

sidenote: this silliness is so frivolous and so fun, yet i wish it werent so damn taboo.

writing at 7am feels like a bad-ass dose of deja-vu.

oh wait, i did this countless times back in school. which brings me to the point of this post.

i totally miss school. and i totally miss going for lit classes. and talking about books. and discovering every day some little wisdom that would make me feel pretty precarious about life. and then pondering that little wisdom. and having existentialist crises.

i now no longer remember what existentialism means. hohoho there goes my education down the train.

but most of all, i miss reading.

ok very random post. i must go back to squeezing my brain dry.

omg i got hate mail for the first time today.

some disgruntled bugger told me that i should go become a food court cleaner instead of a reporter.

WOW. constructive criticism indeeed. =p

hohoho kl,alf and i were at lido on sat night when we saw THIS.

and we were on assignment somemore.

another day, another day.

i am sibeh tired. i sleeeeeep like the dead now.

omg i am so jealous of angelina jolie!

i just looked at this 2000000-page spread on her entire clan of kiddies.

AND THEY ARE ALL SO FRIKIN GORGEOUS.

if my kiddies all looked like that, i wouldn't mind having 20 of them! (never mind the torn genitalia)

oh but i forget, the fortune teller said that even if i live long enough, i can only have one child. (it better be SEXAYYYYY)

i've just realised that this week i had my own before sunset moment. how surreal! and i am such a sucker for worldliness.

ALSO thank you to chin and to my weekend gf - for giving me back my sanityyyyyyy. lup you all. =D

omg i am sooooooooo tired!

today i saw my life flash in front of my very eyes.

HAHA gotcha, bet y'all thought i had a near-death experience. not so! for i do not live vicariously enough.

i met an old indian undertaker today. and he insisted on reading my fortune. (for all i know, he might have been using those juvenile tactics that my little sister tries on me when she says she can predict my future through looking at lines on my palm)

except....

.....my little sister neglected to inform me that:

(a) i would have a VERY (and he did emphasize the very) short life
(b) my marriage won't last
(c) and if i actually survive long enough to get married, i'd only have 1 child (ok fine i wasn't too disappointed about that. everyone knows my sentiments about childbirth and torn genitals yuckyuck)

i poohpooh-ed the whole thing on the pretext that im not an entirely superstitious individual until he said, 'AH I KNOW. you are not the kind of person that knows how to save money. whatever you earn, you will always spend very fast'

and then i was like WTF.

right, so i might as well spend money la huh, seeing as im apparently not gonna live long enough to see it accumulate anyway =P

so be nice to meeeeee everybody! and i just might include y'all in my (very meagre) will! =D

after 3 days of orientation, i report for work proper tmr!

why in the name of all that is holy and sacred did i imagine that finding lunch kakis would be my biggest problem! CRAPPPPPPP, there are worse things.

okay but i have to admit im a weeeeee bit excited to find out whats gonna happen (although i certainly cannot deny that the fear of god has been instilled in me).

and it sucks to know that i am REALLY DAMN SMALL FRY.

sighhhhhh. note to self: must not degenerate into pancake =/

so on my first day of the job, i am going to write down what inspired, and will continue to inspire me to be a journalist.

er so that 6 months down the road, when i am feeling horribly jaded about what i do (yeah, reality bites), i will remember the time when i was fresh-faced and eager with all my ideals about changing the world and making a difference.

okay fine y'all may take this moment to go pukepuke now but i am serious ok. =D

during orientation today, our training head touched on a significant point which i felt was enough valid enough a reason to make me want to devote my life to this profession.

he said (and i paraphrase of course), that journalism should aspire to bring out the best in human nature, not cater to its baseness that thrives on voyeurism and mockery.

he quoted a case that happened like sibeh a long time ago, in which a mentally-disabled man was charged in court with molest and sentenced to like many strokes of the cane (i cant remember how many exactly). the paper reported these facts very objectively, and it incited a public reaction which was really quite amazing. letters poured into the forum, and social workers in particular stood up to what they felt was a great social injustice, by stating that people in general, lacked an understanding of the nature of mental disability, regardless of how slight such disabilities may appear to be. coping with sexuality is particularly difficult for the mentally-disabled because they are unable to understand the changes taking place in their bodies. so to cut a long story short, the molester's sentence was reduced. the court's decision was not explicitly explained but it's nice to believe that the journalist who wrote that story could have made all that difference, if only for the display of compassion that resulted from it that is truly inspiring. that said, it's nice to know that you can have a hand in raising public awareness so to speak.

ah and i ramble. this goody two-shoes act is so unlike meeeeeeeeee.

but i would like to have something to look back on in the months to come because i believe that you can never again see a job with the same eagerness and freshness of perspective that you once possessed when you first came on board.

and although i know that performance is key, i want to remind myself not to get too caught up in the politics of career pursuits because i would like to believe that this is not merely a job, but perhaps in some higher way, a calling.

haha and so that maybe at the end of the day, when the deluge threatens to overwhelm (which kinda seems to be the case even though its only the first day), i can find my reason to keep going. =)

OMFG FIRST DAY TOMORROW.

and frankly i am terrified.

now i really should be worrying more about whether im actually up to the job. instead i wailed to my teammates today: 'OH LORDY WHAT IF NOBODY WANTS TO EAT LUNCH WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEE'

yeah ok i admit my priorities are royally screwed. how shall i be taken seriously as a working adult! pfffft =/

anyways i really heart the litfolk. everytime we meet up i always get sentimental (yes despite my hardcore demeanour (TEEHEE) i am sucha softy okay). possibility of one of them becoming a colleague which would be so awesome. almost like having a little piece of the hons room with me at work. so i am crossing fingers!!!! =D

ok i am a bundle of nerves. may i not lose my marbles in the course of the weeeeeeek.

getting those couple of messages today kinda felt abit deja vu.

then again, i think i've kinda wised up.

i've yet to start and already the expectations are killingggg me. expectations from who im not exactly sure, probably myself cos im such a worrywart.

one day i will be eaten alive by worry. and my rotting carcass will be consumed by alsatians ala bridget jones (the beacon of hope for bumbling women the world over hallelujah)

why is time passing oh-so-terribly-quickly!! monday is almost here, and with it goes whatever freedom i currently possess. on monday, i technically have to face the reality of my life for the next xxxxxxxx years.

ya la i know im being sibeh drama but let me have my moment okay. sibeh big milestone in my life in which i embrace my soon-to-be-attained financial independence. (as of now i only have 2 digits in my bank account. PATHETIC. i must have eaten my moneh in my sleeep)

anyways as i was saying. today was a nice day. aside from being poked and prodded during a medical exam (my doctor had such charming bedside manner -_-") of course. lucky i had good company. =D

possibilities, possibilities. which i dont want to deal with right now cos im cranky and would very much like to while away my life reading nonsense literature.

cant exactly put a finger on it but somehow i ended up thinking about london again today. reminiscing about it just really made me miss it a whole lot.

and i've still a shitty script to memorize. URGHHHHH.

'And he wondered how much choice we really have in the person we end up with, and how much of it is down to pure chance. That was the big problem with loving someone. There were lots of other people you could love, if the timing was right, and if you got the chance, and if you were not already promised to someone else. It all just seemed so random.'

Stories We Could Tell, Tony Parsons

tony parsons is awesome. i love how he can put words to a human condition that would otherwise remain nameless, yet impacts our lives in a huge way.

my right arm is aching.....

...... FROM PLAYING WIIIIIIIII BOXING!!! (how loser right. its not even supposed to be a strenuous workout)

super fun and now i so wanna get the nintendo wii for myself.

on another note, i got a call. which forces me to admit that making choices is damn hard and the answers aren't always obvious. especially so if you're anything like me and cannot help but brood on the what-ifs.

argh.

i am however, eggcited about tomorrow! for a number of reasons hohoho. =D

nothing good comes from involving my mother in any discussion.

the other day i tried involving her in my raging internal debate as to what i should ink on myself for my very first tattoo. (hurrah for child psychology: i read somewhere that to pique one's interest and thus make them more open to a particular idea/notion, it is ideal that they should be engaged in a discussion concerning the very issue)

it worked... for awhile.

me: 'mother, i want to get a tattoo. you help me decide on the design okay? and then you can go with me and hold my hand while i scream through the whole bloodbath.'

now i say all this in one breath so she has no time to protest or process any of this information and will thus be cornered into saying ok.

mother-who-is-not-to-be-outwitted: 'yah ok. i think you should get a symbol or a sanskrit type thing. something that means PURITY.'

me: 'OMG THATS SO INSULTING.'

and she directs a sharp insult to me whilst idly flipping the pages of her tabloid magazine.

my mother is a genius. do not mess with her.

haha later i found out that despite this barb-like assault on my integrity, she really meant that a symbol of purity was ideal because it is a good virtue to live your life by.

so! if any of you have any fantastic tattoo ideas please do do tell me. because right now the only symbol of purity i can think of is a, er virgin.

and that really does not make for a good tattoo pattern. HOHOHO.

more crazy things the litfolk like to do.

like meta-pictorials and such. HAHA act atas only lor.

this picture is of course in lieu of the fact that i had my graduation proper todayyyyyy! (lit grads rock my socks hohoho they are the only people i know who shout 'deconstruction!' when taking photos. see told you act atas only HAHA)

i say graduation proper because no celebration is complete without 20 squillion pictures, and of course people to take it with. (HAHA yes i am cheap camera slut so there)

AND IT WAS AWESOME.

i threw my motar-board so many times it dented. -_-" (ah the quest for the perfect hat-toss shot has its perils)

anyways pictures up sooon.

my mom gave me a bookmark (ya i know sibeh geeky right haha) with chinese characters that symbolized luck.

which i think im gonna need a whole lot of from now on. =D

ABBA is how campy!!

i dunno why i like them so much (i want to run and hide my face everytime i feel compelled to burst out into chorus when listening to songs titled S.O.S and Gimme Gimme Gimme! er like wtf right)

seriously addicted to ultimate 70s cheesiness (i mean seriously check out ridiculously tight jumpers in picture) after mamma mia in london.

haha ok i admit i love how they like to drag and echo words after each line of the song.

Case in point: Knowing Me, Knowing You (alternatively titled 'yet another sibeh cheesy song'):

Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa) There is nothing we can do Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa) We just have to face it, this time we're through (This time we're through, this time we're through This time we're through, we're really through) Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go (I have to go this timeI have to go, this time I know) Knowing me, knowing you It's the best I can do

note numerous repetitions as well as ah-haaas peppered in the appropriate places. (perfect for singing along to whether you know the words or not lor) HAHA.

anyways i am certain that ABBA and i share the same values. for proof see lyrics of Money Money Money:

I work all night, I work all day, to pay the bills I have to pay Ain't it sad And still there never seems to be a single penny left for me That's too bad In my dreams I have a plan If I got me a wealthy man I wouldn't have to work at all, I'd fool around and have a ball (SEE I ALSO HAVE THE SAME PLAN HOHOHO) Money, money, money Must be funny In the rich man's world Money, money, money Always sunny In the rich man's world Aha-ahaaa All the things I could do If I had a little money It's a rich man's world

yeah ok its 3am and im talkin nonsense already. sleeeeeep!

there are alot of things i want, but then i know i have to be practical about all of this.

ANYWAY i have done the best i can, i really ought to stop mulling over this and get some sleeeeeep. =/

oh and did i mention i really wanna buy a nintendo WIIIIIIIII?????=D

walao damn nostalgic.

hohoho was looking through my facebook photos and couldnt help but snigger at the collection we amassed through the whole of yr4.

some of the photos are how retarded. HAHA.

like the one where we pretend to be sarah's armpit tumours. (second photo from top)

and laremy thinks he's a dinosaur (first photo, second row -_-")

HAHA right. can you tell we're in our wem, twenties? =P

so this badly-made (i swear this is the best i could do) collage is in anticipation of our upcoming graduation.

i hope we never stop having a blast. =)

so here're the rest of them folk crazy enough to agree to be fellow frat bashers at the swatch launch.

how i got cast in a bimbo role is beyond my comprehension (ya cos everybody knows in am like how brainy right. all you people snorting as you read this I WILL BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSES muahaha)

pi = 3.147 (SEE I TOLD YOU I WAS SMARTTTT HOHOHO)

anyways it was how fun! i wanna buy a blueeeee wig to wear around town (i am going to take this opportunity to plead with my friends not to sever ties with meeee. buy you all sweets)

anyways we were supposed to be mascoting for this range of watches that made hello kitty look more hardcore than a lao beng (omg.)

and everyone knows i am the hardly the pretty in pink sort. oh the cruel irony of my existence.

in other news! its the folks' surprise wedding anniversary party tonight.

i am HOW excited. better celebrate other people's love and dedication to each other. by their age i bet im toasting to like my 2457777787th divorce. hohohohohohoho.

bye y'all!

this week i have been busy trying to get myself gainfully employed.

and in the process i have made some discoveries:

1. gossipgirl is the BESTEST show ever (maybe except for greys but then greys is all about people pretending to be adults so its pretty much the same thing haha)

2. i heart picnics (my short-term goal for now is to picnic in every available park from boon lay to loyang and i can cos im like HOW DAMN FREEEEE hohoho)

3. i am still not too old to club (although my feet are protesting vehemently as i type this)

its been a busy week. i am POOPED. unemployment is terribly exhausting business.

two days ago i was at courts with my dad shopping for a new sofa. (oh the consequence of that life-changing decision between fabric and leather -_-")

anyway, he picked out this one that looked like an exploding chocolate cow. (by that i mean it was in every shade of brown known to mankind, and maybe god)

so i very kindly let him down by saying, 'EEYER WALAO DOESNT MATCH ANYTHING IN THE HOUSE LAAAAAAA'

(quite kind what)

to which he very cleverly retorted, 'who says doesnt match?! the chairs in our house are brown, the table is brown, the cupboard is brown, YOU are brown....'

HAHA ok dad you win.

omg i really need to get a job. baking cake and hunting for sofas is so not my thing.

and i really must stop hankering after things that are not good for me. i clearly have about as much resilience as a soggy piece of bread in the rain. -_-"

i miss seeing sights like this.

would be nice to have some of this here.

got the photos from the eurotrip and found self to be consumed by huge-ass wave of nostalgia.

what i thought was utterly amazing?

this is the photo in its raw, unedited form.

yes the arc de triomphe is that beautiful. =)

'But you cannot walk away from sorrow like that. And in any case there is nothing in the world more dreary, damping, and obscurely perturbing than to come out of a cinema in the afternoon to a noisy world. And she did not want any tea, or know where she was going. And it was bitterly cold again, with the wind in the east. She walked into Lower Regent Street and up towards Piccadilly.

And in the murky dusk of evening, it was a turbulent and terrifying spectacle which met her eyes and smote her ears. She had never seen so many desperate buses, and blocked cars, and swarming people, in her life. In all the teeming, roaring, grinding, belching, hooting, anxious-faced world of cement and wheels around her it really seemed as though things had gone too far.'

Twenty Thousand Streets Under the Sky, Patrick Hamilton

and all of it, all of it in its entirety, made me wish i didnt have to go.

i turned 23 yesterday. (ohmigawd)

much love and thanks to all the lovely lovely people who made it less painful and more wonderful than i imagined it would be. i am blessed. =)

and tonight i am off to europe for 3 weeks.

terribly excited. hopefully i will come back with a fresher perspective on my life. =)

bye y'all!

yet again instead of cramming for my final tmr (paradise lost is more boring than a church sermon), i have found myself distracted.

these lovely lovely food blogs have got me utterly enamoured!

http://www.smittenkitchen.com and http://www.thepioneerwoman.com/cooking

i have decided that whilst i am job hunting i shall at the same time equip myself with the skill of baking! and thus transform myself into an asset to any marriageable man! (contrary to popular belief also known as my father)

and then i shall be able to achieve my high-fluted aspirations of acquring a very rich and very old husband! (i mean old people generally like cakes and tea and all that crap right?)

hohohoho i am incredibly brilliant i must say.

sigh okay i really want to eat fudge right now.

i believe that everybody secretly wishes they were someone else.

hokay fine maybe not but right now i kinda wish i were.

on a completely unrelated note!

driving out of nus today i felt abit sad, knowing that this is gonna be like one of the last few times id be doing so. (my last exam EVER is gonna be this wed bring out the hanky pukepuke)

haha ok not say i wanna sound mama-drama or what la, but if i were to pinpoint a defining moment in my life id say this is the place that taught me about about growing up.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE,

4 DAYS TO EUROTRIPPPPPP! =D

okayyyy so i ought to be cramming for my narrative structures final tmr (at this point let me redeem my sorry-ass state by highlighting that it is an open-book exam)

BUT

i have just finished season 5 of nip/tuck!

and it is so AWESOME.

unlike grey's in which everything morphs into an emotional dilemma of some sort (which i also heart!), nobody in this show has any morals.

okay must study now! =D

'Singapore is a topiary nation, constantly trimming and pruning itself into shapes that it believes improve on nature.

As the modern world weakens traditional family ties, for example, families are given financial incentives to care for their elderly parents - or taken to court for neglecting them.

Singapore is known for its campaigns to get residents to be polite, to smile, to be tidy, to speak proper English and not to chew gum.

In 1984, the country's master planner, then-Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew, declared that too few of the country's most eligible women - the ones with college degrees - were marrying and having children.

He set up the Social Development Unit to address the problem and since then the government has been Singapore's principal matchmaker.'

from the International Herald Tribune, 29th April 2008.

for the full article see http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/04/29/asia/sing.php?WT.mc_id=newsalert

truly it is a wonder i have not yet had some form of an existentialist crisis.

anyway.

i had a lovely surprise yesterday. because lumpy called!!! (yeahhhhh!)

and we are meeting on the 16th! (for lunch in london! walao felt super surreal saying to her 'right i'll call you when i get to london' as opposed to 'ya ok see you at rk prata house in fifteen minutes' which is pretty much the usual with us when she's back in sg hohoho)

one more reason to look super forward to eurotrip! =D

GAH THE HEAT THESE DAYS IS GOD-AWFUL.

=D

harold and kumar was frikin awesome! (seriously you cant go too far wrong with lines like 'shaddup hello kitty!' toilet humour rocks my socks whoohoooo)

hokay and i have to admit that wong kar wai's cinematography is absolutely exhilarating even though my blueberry nights is an absolute cop-off of Chungking Express and In the mood for Love (except with angmohs this time).

but its still quite brilliant.

It wasn't so hard to cross that street after all, it all depends on who's waiting for you on the other side.

hello everybody.

that minion in the photo (not me la) is lizakwek.

today lizakwek 'out-ted' me to sexayyyy prof. (those of you who have been most unfortunately subjected to my endless squeals over sexay prof will know exactly who im talkin about. ya so what if he has a turkey wattle nobody's perfect k haha)

as we were leaving the exam hall, she skipped (YA SHE SKIPPED i should have known she was up to no good) up to him, pointed in my general direction and said, 'SIR SHE THINKS YOU'RE VERY SEXY'

walao faint. (i think that might count as sexually harassing the prof lor)

i could only manage a squeak before scuttling out of the door. (yeah thats how cool. AS IF.)

THANKS AH LIZAKWEK.

you better hope i can graduate this semester so i never have to see him again OR ELSE. (yes i know where you live hor hohoho)

ur just lucky i frikin love you bitch! muahahahahaha. =P

okay 'scuse me y'all while i go crawl back under my rock (never to emerge again till sexay prof gets amnesia or something. seriously what are the chances of that happening!)

(sidenote: this is a great picture, i can actually see my boobies whooohoooo =D)

i am seriously going to suffer death by caffeine.

i was listless and agitated the whole of today and ive only just realised that...

...IVE NOT HAD MY COFFEE FOR TODAY.

oat milk is a lousy substitute. but now that ive had my coffee, a little rainbow just appeared over my horizon. (either that or its the withdrawal symptoms setting in)

okayyyyy back to this science crap. i better pass (thank you to gf and wengs for comin by to give me moral support in the form of threats haha i felt damn loved whoohoo) lest i have to repeat my graduating semester all because i couldnt remember what isaac newton invented in the year sixteen-hundred-and-god-knows-what. -_-"

puke.

'what a curiously exhilarating collection of words'

-pop-

so i caught We Will Rock You last night.

id almost forgotten how much i used to love Queen.

aside from bohemian rhapsody which in my opinion, is the ultimately best (ya la i know, grammatically incorrect but im trying to qualify here) sing-in-the-shower-and-make-your-family-hate-you song EVER,

radio ga-ga was my other ultimate favourite Queen tune. (er except that the song has zero hard-core rocker street cred. 'all we hear is radio ga-ga, radio goo-goo'??! seriously. -_-")

dont judge me, we all have weaknesses. (unfortunately mine is cheesy lyrics though i suspect radio ga-ga is far more profound than i actually realise k)

ANYWAY

mig ayesa is ridiculously good-looking (see above picture and hyperventilate accordingly). although he kinda turned every Queen song into a pop ditty.

its ok i still enjoyed it in an Intro to Queen 101 kind of way.

im going to dig up my old Queen record. (brian may is god)

ok needa studyyy. Listen to Queen everybodyyyyy! (kim's tip of the day on how to have an infinitely better existence) =)

i dont think very much of you at all.

(and for those of you who read my mindless ramblings, its not you laaaaa. of course not say im gonna tell you who im talkin about even if you ask me cos i like this feeling of omnipotence and mystery. ah there's my meglomaniac complex again hoho)

i am seriously seriously pissed that da yi ma is here. Translate: my shit-ass uterus is falling apart as i speak. damn unfair leh. nobody should have to go through being a woman WITH PERIODS if they dont want to. i hope next time all my kids will be BOYS muahaha

and ok fine i know this blog is getting abit pissy but I HAVE ISSUES SO THERE. =P

note to self: must start being abit nicer (abit only hor. or else i will lose my hard-earned edginess hohoho). sunshine! flowers! ribbons! =D

many many many hours later...

i have finished my (knnccb) ism.

so i was thinking about my argument on the way home and ive realised this whole research thing is rather absurd.

basically i am trying to say that:

there's like this war. women cant go shoot guns so they stay home and knit socks or something. men get really pissy about this cos actually they just really wanna stay home and knit socks too. anyway because it doesnt take all that long to knit socks, these women write some really sappy poetry. then the men start complaining cos thats like the only thing they know how to do. so there's another war. this time women can go drop bombs too. but the men get pissy cos they think only they should be allowed to wield big guns. (even if they secretly really want to knit socks hoho). anyways women write more poetry, men write more poetry. war ends. women go back to slaving over a hot stove rather than dropping bombs over some unwitting japanese or german bugger. what to do, life sucks. kthxbye.

NOW WHY DID I TAKE 5000 WORDS TO SAY THAT?! -_-"

its like prozac for clowns!

i am so veryveryveryveryveryvery stressed.

"And you that sought for magic in your youth but desire it not in your age, know that there is a blindness of spirit which comes from age, more black than the blindness of eye, making a darkness about you across which nothing may be seen, or felt, or known, or in any way apprehended."

The King of Elfland's Daughter, Lord Dunsany

...or at least since honours year started.

and now that im nearing the end, i no longer dare to look at myself for fear that i will be unrecognizable to the naked eye.

btw hor, i know that you all are sniggering at the photo as i speak. (YA LA VERY HORRIBLE...candid shots are the best my ass hoho)

sigh anyways last week, this week and next week i only got one expression:

PAINED.

my evil doppleganger is rearing its ugly head (i must squash my mister hyde lest i end up friendless by the end of this sem. er whoever is reading this i love you hor)

yes i know thats quite cheap but desperate times must call for desperate measures.

sighhhhh.

ism (knnccb). 2 essays. 2 presentations.

the only highlight of my existence now is that i am waiting in eager anticipation for kossy wossy who is mosey-ing (wah rhyming leh im so creative whoohoo) here to come get me for din-din before training.

walao i am a tragically sad git. =/

abit melancholic now.

dunno if its cos of the deluge (really leh i think maybe the apocalypse might be less painful) of work



or maybe its cos i just watched the video for Coldplay's The Scientist (walao damn sad, and yes thats chris martin)

click here for source of weepiness: http://youtube.com/watch?v=V3Kd7IGPyeg



Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh its such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
Im going back to the start



like if you dont take out ur hanky now, consider yourself dead inside. right.

someone told me, " 'can't afford to be nice' is for people who do not have the capacity or courage to love or care for others. It kills abit of yourself when you restrain yourself from doing what you're born for - love.''

now how's that for perspective? haha. yes i have profound friends.

and i am grateful i have people like that in my life. =)

aren't these babies beautiful!

er yes im talkin about the frikin macaron.

i love macarons so much i want to live in a house made of them.

death by macaron. hohoho.

which is why i forced lizakwek(thank you wonderful godchild - awwww filial piety is so the in thing now!) to juxtapose incongruous images of what i can only describe as,

a line of macarons trotting daintily to a toilet bowl.

er right. in case y'all are wondering my blog's called 'i have verbal diarrhoea' (toilet bowl-diarrhoea, geddit?) =P

anyways i super wish i could start a food blog.

like http://www.latartinegourmande.com/ or http://www.madbaker.net/ (click either for instant happiness)

i only have one problem. (actually make that 2)

1. i cannot bake. (there is no credibility in starting a food blog about other people's culinary creations for i want people to oogle at my skill with oven and wish they were me hohoho)

2. i cannot take appetizing photos that will make my pathetic creations (should they ever come into being heaven forbid) look better than the mess of flour and water that they really are.

SIGH WHY AM I NOT LIKE NIGELLA? (or any of those people who can wield a skillet without combusting themselves)

if not i wouldnt have to worry about finding a job and i could like just set up a bakery and make macarons all day (omg macaroooooooooooons)

anyways i have spent the weekend polo-ing (damn fun but super sunburnt. go redtide!) and i have sibeh alot of work to do.

later y'all. =)

oh the days of our youth and glory long gone!

HAHA AS IF. (i dont know if i had any glory to begin with hoho)

that said, i reallyreallyreally love this photo. (come to think of it, the wall seems to feature alot more than we do. whoever took this photo is askin for a beating from me)

taken just after nationals in j2! (18 seems so long ago)

hahahaha ok fi, you can add another one to ur list of birthday blog posts dedicated to you.

you are totally kick-ass and i love youuuuuu! =)

5 super fun twenty-minute games yesterday. (super psyched up whooooohoooo)

but my back is killing me now. hoho i must be gettin old old old.

and i have a frikin presentation tmr that i am like totally not prepared for.

sometimes i swear life is grinding my nose in the dirt =P

my brother got my super-hot teh-ccino!!! (yes i know its like 99.999999% milk but who cares hoho)

yay!

anyone who knows me well enough will know that i would step on my own mother just to get a good cup of super-hot tehccino. (yes i am that mercenary)

whoohoo writing milton just got slightly better. =)

i watched super-size me.

omg. 'nuff said.

and will somebody please explain to me why i am watching irreverent documentaries when i have a frikin report due tmr!

GAHHHHHHH.

you know that god is on a budget when the priest gives an easter blessing by sprinkling water on the congregation from a plastic evian bottle (omg plastic.water.bottle.)

with a hole poked in its cap. (so very innovative)

fyi, holy water usually comes in an atas looking silver bucket complete with its very own atas looking sprinkler.

and did i mention? not one drop fell on my head.

i really must be doing something wrong. HAHA.

pffffft.

after the ghastly tragedy that was 10,000 BC (i may not be a literary genius but i do know a terrifically bad script when i see/hear one)...

...i needed two straight episodes of gordon ramsay to purge my system of the vileness that was that movie.

thank god the company made up for it. =)

anyways!

gordon ramsay is sexayyyyyy!

i quote sexayprof (whom some of you might have had the misfortune of hearing me gush about like non-stop) who to his credit i must admit, said this with a large dose of irony.

'men on the whole, somehow seem to get better with age. especially white men.'

and at the risk of sounding very spg (which i swear im not. im a pure rice queen! hohoho), im thinking of old-ish types like alan rickman, hugh grant and colin firth (walao hyperventilate hyperventilate)

if anything's to be blamed its my lousy gerago (derogatory slang for eurasian haha) roots. =P

those of you well-accquainted with me are surely just as familiar with doris, my laptop.

...who as i speak, is making these alarming 'whir-whir' noises that are frankly quite worrying (my entire academic career hinges on her ability to function i kid you not)

and to think some famous person (dunno who but i swear i remember its a famous person) said that one should never trust that whose brain you cannot see. (why did i not realise the wisdom of those words! wails.)

doris is a cranky bitch. pffft.

the bit i thought was borderline tear-jerker in The Leap Years (ananda everingham hyperventilate hyperventilate) was the bit that said:

'if you are not too long, i will wait here for you all my life.'

Oscar Wilde

cynicism is overrated! hurrahhhh! =)

'My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist.'

Woody Allen

school is sucha tedious enterprise im sometimes not quite sure whether to be slightly jubilant or not that im graduating at the end of the semester.

other than that im still alive (just barely!).

though i wont be able to say for sure after i complete the essay thats due tmr. (lordy the mere thought of it is making me ill)

ok im so lookin forward to fri already.

'It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.'

Oscar Wilde

oh lordy is it march already?!

FAINT.

i distinctly remember telling myself (very earnestly no less) that feb was the month for me to play catch up because march and april would be crazy with deadlines.

DIE LA.

and i still had the balls to go club last night (ya la the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak blahblah but still very fun ok)

DIE LA.

ok lame joke time.

Qn: What is the heaviest dumpling?

Ans: wanton! (as in like one TON geddit?)

hohohoho funny right. =P

i swear i amuse myself silly.

ok new blog title courtesy of jen -_-"

speaking of which.

after spending a day in her company, i have unearthed a very interesting (if not dubious) fact.

jen does not skip songs on her ipod because she worries that she will hurt the song's feelings.

HAHAHA.

how have i not known this after 6 (yes fi, 6 not 8) years???!!!!

i love youuu la fi! =P

DOOFUS! =)

I just want to see you
When you're all alone
I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates
I cant escape
I love you till the end

I just want to tell you nothing
You dont want to hear
All I want is for you to say
Why dont you just take me
Where Ive never been before
I know you want to hear me
Catch my breath
I love you till the end

I just want to be there
When were caught in the rain
I just want to see you laugh not cry
I just want to feel you
When the night puts on its cloak
Im lost for words dont tell me
All I can say
I love you till the end

Love You 'Till The End, The Pogues

If I ever leave this world alive
I'll thank for all the things you did in my life
If I ever leave this world alive
I'll come back down and sit beside your
feet tonight
Wherever I am you'll always be
More than just a memory
If I ever leave this world alive

If I ever leave this world alive
I'll take on all the sadness
That I left behind
If I ever leave this world alive
The madness that you feel will soon subside
So in a word don't shed a tear
I'll be here when it all gets weird
If I ever leave this world alive

So when in doubt just call my name
Just before you go insane
If I ever leave this world
Hey I may never leave this world
But if I ever leave this world alive

She says I'm okay; I'm alright,
Though you have gone from my life
You said that it would,
Now everything should be all right

She says I'm okay; I'm alright,
Though you have gone from my life
You said that it would,
Now everything should be all right
Yeah should be alright

If i ever leave this world alive, Flogging Molly

trust the irish to turn a sombre song about death into a rousing rah-rah pub tune =P

P.S. I love you is a horrendously sad film!

i bawled from start to finish (how horrid of them to make gerry die at the beginning and make me weep the entire 128 minutes)

i couldnt even put on my contacts the next day, my eyes were so swollen.

and for crying out bloody loud, these people arent even real.

'Growing older became something he wanted desperately to accomplish rather than merely a dreaded inevitability. How presumptuous they both were never to consider growing old as an achievement and a challenge. Ageing was something they wanted so much to avoid.'

PS, I Love You, Cecilia Ahern

i was blog-surfing (what else! god knows my time is better spent on shitty-fied ism!)

but i digress.

as i was saying, in my perusal of the literary ongoings of fellow bloggers, i came across this:

"The distinction between Singapore and its airport is a minor one. The entire country feels like one very large departure lounge; spotlessly clean, no distinct smells, climate-controlled, no one is poor, lots of shopping, no real culture, pleasant enough for the moment, but not a place you want to stay very long..."

how very very interesting.

i was watchin The Simpsons dvds last night.

and i am convinced without a shadow of a doubt that homer simpson is really MY DAD IN DISGUISE.

seriously i am not kidding.

he can be quite the dumdum. =P

hohoho. my dad would protest vehemently if he knew, of course.

anyways! cny has been lovely! terribly exhausting though.

and i have been brushing up my mahjong with the mahjong deities - the goddess and the princess (or more commonly recognizable in the category of elderly relative).

the losses are painful but i am certain that it will reap me some monetary benefit in the near future (thats right kimberly, what great foresight you have! =P)

ok that said. i have just whiled 5 hours away playing mahjong. i MUST study now.

ARGH.

surfandsweat 08 today!

haha omg this is our third and like em says, the first year commemoration of the day we lost our sanity and decided to start taking part in all these pay-to-make-yourself-suffer events.

note to self: loose fbts in which elastic has practically disintegrated are NOT a good idea for events involving any kind of water (i spent the entire 5k run holding up my pants MALUUUU).

walao eh.

and having em go 'PANTS CHECK!' every few metres to which i'd respond 'STILL THERE!' is really not very cool. (hohoho but its actually quite funny now that i think about it)

fun stuff aside, ism is really giving me a BIG ASS headache.

especially when nice-supervisor-who-makes-you-feel-bad-about-being-lazy bum bum emails you to tell you that your choice of poems need clarification because he cant quite see where the necessary references are. (WHY WHY WHY! wails)

sighsighsigh. i need a new brain. preferably one that has an IQ of 1,000,0000,0000 or something.

something to cheer my sorry ass self up:

I'm really very fond of you,
he said.

I don't like fond.
It sounds like something
you would tell a dog.

Give me love,
or nothing.

Throw your fond in a pond,
I said.

But what i felt for him
was also warm, frisky,
moist-mouthed,
eager,
and could swim away

if forced to do so.

I'm really very fond, Alice Walker

hohoho my favourite bit being the 'throw your fond in a pond' part of course. =P

GAH ok back to work.

' "Our generation, we're not like you young folks," he said, straining a smile. " We don't understand these complex workings of yours."

I couldn't exactly say I understood things either, but as I wasn't eager for the conversation to drag on, I kept quiet. No I'm not used to things; I just recognize them for what they are. There's a decisive difference between those two propositions. '

Dance Dance Dance, Haruki Murakami

i really like the simple resonance of his prose that confers a quiet comfort that i cannot quite put a finger on, or into words for that matter.

maybe somewhere in the non-linear progression of time (hohohoho sneaky faceboook reference that invades every aspect of my existence), an author really did save my life. =)

i love timbre! and the arts house one has an especially nice ambience.

and dont mind the horridly ugly picture of me looking like a pig. it makes me crack up. =)

gah speaking of which i should learn how to make a nice collage rather than tacking my pictures mish-mash all over this blog space.

and we got damn lucky last night! double bill of EIC and The Goodfellas so yay!

part one of my heath ledger memorial starts tonight with brokeback mountain.

ARGH STUDYYYYY.

yesterday we celebrated marky-mark's (who is to be the source of my future happiness according to jen if he accumulates much wealth in a short time hohoho) 23rd (oh my god) birthday.

as old people are wont to do when they get together (yes 23 years practically qualifies as elderly, wont someone bring me my dentures) we reminisced about days past when we were young, virile and able to run laps whilst carrying on a conversation at the same time. (er these days it's becoming an almost impossible feat)

that said, i had a lovely lovely time. =)

as i was walking along the as6 stretch today, a vibrantly youthful (bet she's year 1 lor and she was beaming non-stop. siao.) individual bounded up to me and handed me a flyer. she then proceeded to chirp, 'HI! do you wanna go for V-Bash??' (apparently some happening valentine day bash at some club)

i, being an old spoiler, said curtly, ' no dont want.'

yvette was utterly mortified to be seen with me cos she says nobody who wants to preserve their street cred and dignity would ever respond like that to an invitation to party.

i suspect i considerably deflated that girl because i could have sworn there was a considerable slump in her initially pert cheerleader-type disposition.

i bet "grumpy old hag' were the choice words filling the thought bubble above her head.

all hail the destroyer of youthful idealism that is kimberly spykerman. muahaha.

GAH.

omg heath ledger is dead!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22788914/?GT1=10755

i'd been meaning to put this up.

and there's no time like the present owing to the fact that facebook (i knew no existence before it!) tagged me in this photo.

this, everybody, was the costume of choice for gf and me at our annual team x'mas gathering. (ok la abit dated this was like taken on the 2nd last day of 2007 and the theme was cartoon characters)

as if you all cannot guess who we dressed up as! HAHA.

and yes those are feather dusters which if i may mention, we so innovatively used as chipmunk tails.

CLEVER RIGHT. hohoho.

anyways i like this photo it cracks me up cos we look damn nonsense in it. =P

on a totally unrelated note!

i find it to be the curse (then again perhaps it is a flaw or great misfortune of some sort) of human nature to continually hanker after that which we can never or should not, for that matter seek to possess.

and that does tend to make for a very unsatisfying sort of existence.

this is meaningless 3am rambling. and answers to potentially unsolvable questions are quite unlikely to make their appearance at such ungodly hours.

GAH.

Nobody ever had a dream round here,
but I don't really mind that it's starting to get to me
Nobody ever pulls the seams round here,
but I don't really mind that it's starting to get to me

I've got this energy beneath my feet
like something underground's gonna come up and carry me,
I've got this sentimental heart that beats
but I don't really mind that it's starting to get to me now

Why do you waste my time?
Is the answer to the question on your mind
And I'm sick of all my judges
so scared of what they'll find
But I know that I can make it
As long as somebody takes me home,every now and then...

Well have you ever seen the lights?
Have you ever seen the lights?

I took a shuttle on a shockwave ride
where people on the pen pull the trigger for accolades
I took a bullet and I looked inside it
Running through my veins an American masquerade

I still remenber grandma Dixie's wake
I've never really known anybody to die before
Red white and blue upon a birthday cake
My brother, he was born on the fourth of the July...and that's all
Why do you waste my time?
Is the answer to the question on your mind
And I'm sick of all my judges
they're so scared of letting me shine

But I know that I can make it
As long as somebody takes me home
You know I see London, I see Sam's Town
holds my hand and let's my hair down
Rolls that world right off my shoulder

I see London, I see Sam's Town now

Sam's Town, The Killers

wretched, wretched!!

OMIGAWD i love colin firth.

almost as much as posh spice. (or maybe abit more hohoho)

that said i will never understand why everybody seems to prefer hugh grant to him.

BAH.

ok i have finally done away with the final installation of the bbc pride and prejudice (walao damn nice)

and i have arrived at a startling epiphany.

BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY IS LIKE A FREAKIN RE-HASH OF P&P!

GAH.

and once upon a time in my youth i secretly adored bridget. (ok fine not so secret now but anyways doesnt matter for elizabeth bennet is far cooler)

but the parallels are so obvious that it is a wonder i have not noticed it before!

of course the darcy reference is clear BUT I HAVE STRUCK GOLD!

daniel cleaver (hugh grant hugh grant! *fans self) is the modern day carbon-copy of the dastardly mr. wickham!

GAH.

ok this is a dreadfully geeky post. (hurrah for the 18th century speak which i have started to find annoyingly endearing)

but i just wanted a reason to put up the colin firth picture (obviously! haha)

i am dreadfully (hurhur annoying 18th century reference! annoying 18th century reference!) self-indulgent. =P

'Super!' is my new favourite word.

like as in you have to say it in an annoyingly high-pitched, hair-twirly, goosebump-inducing sorta way for full effect.

HAHA.

ok but seriously i had a SUPER weekend. havent slept in 2 nights but its all been worth every bit of it. so yay. =)

AND TO THE PIECE OF POND SCUM WITH NO BALLS WHO BANG MY CAR AND RAN AWAY...

i only have one thing to say...

CH**BYE!!!

oh and that i hope his sasha-natashas shrink and fall off. (yeah i know so childish right but dont care)

hohoho.

HAIYAH school starting tmr.

SIGHSIGHSIGHSIGH.

anyway i love posh spice. =)

SIGH posh got slammed on blackwell's annual list of worst-dressed people.

this is truly a test of my faith and my love for posh shalt remain shaken. (go posh! go meeee!)

hohoho. now if only i channelled such dedication and fervour toward my church-going i'd probably be a much nicer individual with a guaranteed spot in heaven. (complete with my very own garden patch of course) =P

because i am highly agitated (of course not only because of posh's blacklisting la), i will proceed to blog about an assortment of random things in the hope that mindless chatter to myself will render me a less annoyed individual.

boiler room came to the rescue of a potentially disastrous night out. so all in all it was good fun!

planning for may's eurotrip saw me spending a good part of the day at woodlands library. on the itenarary so far - milan, verona, venice, assisi and rome! (yay yay yay yay!)

crossing my fingers that if all goes as planned, scotland and ireland should find their way onto the list tooooo.

must.start.saving.money.

am terribly excited even though the start of the semester looms large (spoiler...pooooi)

ok back to my taiwanese hospital drama that is proving to be a great challenge considering the shit-ass dvd has only chinese subtitles.

but i am determined! (because got jerry yan. gawd i really am a cheenapok)

aiyoh somemore i have now moved on from murakami to eileen chang (lagi cheenapok)

goooooo meeeeeee.

posh spice is my new idol for 2008.

er aside from the fact that:

(a) she looks skanky in this photo

(b) my mother treated me with utter abhorrence and disdain (it seemed she deemed herself a failure as a parent that i have come to this muahaha too bad mom life is full of disappointments) when i told her posh spice is my idol

but who cares she is DA BEST. (her hair her hair omg)

hohoho.

argh this is supposed to be my last week of hols but ism research is being a bit of a dampener on my plans for carefree enjoyment. i am constantly ridden with guilt when i make arrangements with no academic enhancements. throw in an interview that im not exactly throwing a party about (a life of 9-5 civil servitude i embrace thee) and that pretty much sums up the week ahead.

BLAH.

although there is the matter of mambo (hyperventilate hyperventilate) and siloso this weekend that is the sliver of sunshine on my otherwise bleak existence. goody. =)

my parting thoughts:

(i) my half-read murakami (hurrah!) sits forlornly on my desk for i have no means of finishing it in the coming week. ARGH OF ALL THE ANNOYING THINGS.

(ii) i have lately observed that we are often most critical of those to whom we are closest. and by that i am extremely perturbed.

ok readreadread. OMIGAWD.