today i acknowledged something i havent wanted to admit to for awhile.

to be the bigger person is hard.

i thought it was different but it really isnt.

and so

the need for that space.

so that there will be some semblance of normalcy restored.

haha or maybe its so i can keep my sanity lor.

baz lurhmann knew what he was talking about when he said,

'Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.'

everybody go download everybody's free to wear sunscreen. wise wise words.

training in the rain, followed by supper.

lovely.

brought back some real fond memories. =)

hark is that a rice field you say?

indeed it is.

one of squillions that i saw on my visit to viet land.

hurhur.

not to mention the 200000 or so buffaloes, pigs, mountain goats and a various assortment of soon-to-become poultry.

haha does bring numerous 'why did the chicken cross the road?' jokes to mind. =P

anyways i do have more pictures but i am far too busy playing yoshi's island (the coolest mario spin-off in the history of man ever to be created) to do so. =P

also i am lazy. hur. but whats new right.

this year, my stocking saw the likes of shel silverstein's the missing piece.

its the simplest thing really. but it blew me away.

One time it seemed to have found the perfect piece. but it didn't hold tightly enough. and lost it. Another time it held too tightly. and it broke.

ok its raining and my bed beckons. byebye everyone.

i am so sick of poetry.

will someone hit me with a book! a comic! a newspaper!

anything that doesnt come in stanzas and rhymes.

niamniamniamniam.

3 more hours and then im done with all this.

tick tock tick tock.

its almost 3am.

and my first foray into this semester's exams begins in approximately like oh i dunno, 14 hours?

shit. the nus administration is clearly hell bent on emphasizing the late in starting exams late.

5pm leh! =/

ok i really shouldnt complain. its like more time to study but yeah right, as if im so diligent.

hurhur.

urgh i am tired of poetry and would much rather shift my focus to things of a more interesting nature.

like ronin.

i am reallyyyyyy into black maria. its like my new favourite running song.

and! and! and!

recent revelations have led me to discover that 3 members of the band are actually lit majors!

and i've had classes with 2 of them before! (not knowing they were in ronin. pooooi how distressing)

this actually kinda makes up for never having had a chance to be elvin ng's (i heart! i heart!) lecture/tutorial mate. (

oh dear i do sound so terribly groupie-ish. =P

that aside, i reallyyy do like ronin, despite the fact that they seem to have disappeared to i dunno where recently.

am tired and the sleepy music isnt helping. running doesnt always either.

Turn a new page, tear the old one out.
And I'll try to see things your way.

ok i should attempt a little more study.

today i bought eragon even though right now i can ill afford the time to read it.

i should have attempted resistance.

because that book sitting on my desk is practically winking at me.

however i cannot read that because dickens is of greater pertinence right now. (damn you 19th century exam!)

pooooooi. why do i do this to myself! it is nothing short of masochistic.

anyhow, i love muriel my nice red oh so coveted adidas watch. (i like city chain x'mas sales. hurhur call me cheapskate i dont care. =P)

ok i should go do something more academically productive than blogging at 2am.

in an aside, i came across a v nice song.

ben folds' take on perspective is nice.

Think of me
Anyway you want
I can be
The problem if that's easier
In your head
Move the pieces around
Things I've said
Turn the memory upside down
And it makes it better I know
But sometimes it's hard to swallow
In time I will fade away
In time I won't hear what you say
In time, but time takes time you know

mahjong mahjong!

and i lost 60 cents.

will somebodyyyy please remind me i have exams!! =P

chin, consider yourself privileged.

because i am quoting you here.

and you're right.

its wont be hard if i dont allow it.

hence i have decided.

it all ends here.

and from here on,

i will not allow it to bug me anymore.

but but but

for those of you guys who i have coerced these past couple of days,

i will still force you all into telling me i am funny and smart. (esp you wengs, since you have refused up till this point to agree!)

HURHURHUR.

i ran right into the puddle of crap.

and that sucks.

swallowed and i cant get out.

guess i've learnt it doesnt always work the way i want it to.

academic obligation beckons.

but what if you just dont feel like doing it?

like all.the.time.

i suppose thats why they call it obligation.

just like a number of other things that we might not always like.

oh well.

that said, instead of doing quality research, i am looking at pictures of soldiers in world war 1.

haha i think i should seriously be thrown on barb wire for my idleness. (is there such a word!)

ever have one of those days where it feels like you've thrown yourself in front of a big moving vehicle?

its kinda like one of those 'who ask you!' things.

and the crap thats left is yours to clean up because after all, you made it.

ran straight into the puddle of crap.

whoops.

heh to that i say again, oh well.

in my celluloid reality, great things abound!

mcsteamy makes his first appearance on greyyyyy's!!

it just keeps getting better and better.

pffttttt.

now tell me how military history can compete with something like that. =/

i love pearls.

this is brady.

he's liza's chihuahua.

and he is the best looking person i know. HAHA.

i hope my kids turn out looking like him.

anyways i really like this picture she took of him and thus am giving it due credit on this blog space! (thanks kwek!)

speaking of which, brady made an appearance at the gigglies' party for nott yesterday.

haha i suspect he might have taken up more camera gig space than the birthday girl herself.

nonetheless, it was a alottt of fun!

as giggly events usually are! =)

happy birthday my dearest nottttttt.

and to my dearest hoeim too! =)

went to sentosa with the girls.

it rockkkkkked.

havent headed to sentosa in a long while.

hahahaha huffy puffy captains ball was a riot.

nothing beats such great company. hopefully next week ya?

love you girls la. =)

okok im off to waste my lazy sunday watching tv.

i went down to the pool yesterday.

played a game with the boys.

havent played in a couple of weeks.

and realised that this is one love that will probably never go away.

haha.

i heart nus cp.

i am addicted.

old habits die hard.

really.

downloaded the 1st epsiode that i missed (finally!)

omg omg omg omg omg.

i can tell this is going to be a very good season.

ok im terrible. all my posts have started to become tv-obssessive.

i live in a celluloid reality. haha.

but seriously people!

if you havent watched nip/tuck 3 yet, change your life forever... go.watch.it. =)

speaking of tv, i must give the obligatatory blog space to... grey's!!!!!!

which i just emerged from, crying like a loon cos its so damn sadddddd.

haha i am a moron la.

in any case, rockapella was faaaaaabulous.

i realise im getting far too lazy for my own good. i cant even be bothered to think up new adjectives anymore.

anything good i've seen automatically gets categorised as faaaaaaabulous.

walao. die. i am a disgrace.

hurhur.

and now i have a history paper to write.

and so i leave with the wise words of george eliot (which dammit! reminds me again of why i do what i do):

"We mortals. men and women, devour much disappointment between breakfast and dinner-time, keep back the tears and look a little pale about the lips, and in answer to inquiries say, 'oh nothing!'. Pride helps us; and pride is not a bad thing when it only urges us to hide our own hurts - not to hurt others."

eliot's Middlemarch

a snippet from today's conversation at lunch.

cracked me up. weirdly funny.

so it goes...

princess toadstool: 'i was in a band with ivan. we were called 'the green frogs'.'

me: 'the green frogs?!!! like wtf?!!! %!!&%@@!!!.'

there is a moment of contemplative silence.

chin: 'its like the 'black and white panda bear'.'

i cracked up so bad when i heard that.

nobody ask me why. serious. =P

even spongematt even had beef stuff running out of his nose from cracking up so much.

hahaha. mondays arent ever baadddddd with moments like these.

anyhow!

belly-button(!!!) warfare paper done with and out of the way!

yayyyyyy.

however my life has taken a turn for the tragic.

i have missed my much-anticipated premier of nip/tuck 3!!!

for the lousiest of reasons - i overslept.

life is shit la.

pooooooooi.

anyhow, i have an american lit test (everybody say, eww! not again!) later today.

god help me that i dont go off now and right back to sleep. =)

and so i have been asked about the sub-text on my msn.

where does the good go? is a tegan and sara *points at picture* song from the soundtrack of grey's.

yet another tribute to my ever-growing new obsession. =)

Where do you go with your broken heart in tow? What do you do with the left over you? And how do you know, when to let go? Where does the good go? Where does the good go?

Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive. Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go. Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love. Look me in the heart and un break broken, it won't happen.

It's love that leaves that breaks the seal of always thinking you would be real happy and healthy, strong and calm. Where does the good go? Where does the good go?

Where do you go when you're in love and the world knows? How do you live so happily while I am sad and broken down? What do you say it's up for grabs now that you're on your way down? Where does the good go? Where does the good go?

speaking of obsessions,

my old love is backkkkk.

nip/tuck season 3 starts mondayyyyy babyyyyy!

haha and i can hardly wait.

'Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth, is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.'

now this is the reason i watch grey's anatomy.

ok i admit, aside from all the drama and angst.

or how else to keep my attention going?

most people know i have the attention span of a cockroach.

that said, i find many things articulated where i have no words.

common experience. oh well. =)

that said, everybody should watch Der Freie Wille.



brutal. explicit.

the one thing it reinforced?

rape is hateful. utterly hateful.

check out the german film fest: www.goethe.de/singapore

think its ending its run here pretty soon though... so hurry people!

on a cheerier note, notre dame de paris was faaaaaaaaabulous.

ok this is terrible.

this close to exams and i am far (and i mean really really far) from settling down.

shittttt.

am off to finish the remaining episodes of grey's.

'Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.'

i love love love (and did i say absolutely love?) grey's.

fi soh and miss seoh, i heart you both muchly!

here we are at last week's rh musical. (thank god minus my lamb-choppy arms.. may that other photo never see the light of day! hurhur)

hahaha anyways i miss hanging out with you both la. tonight was much fun. =)

am feeling content.

and very much addicted to david sedaris!

what is not to like about that man?!

probably one of the best i've read in a long time.

like how not to be tickled by this?

The Italian nanny was attempting to answer the teacher's latest question when the Morroccan student interrupted, shouting, "Excuse me, but what's an Easter?"

It would seem that despite having grown up in a Muslim country, she would at least have heard it mentioned once or twice, but no. "I mean it," she said. "I have no idea what you people are talking about."

The teacher called on the rest of us to explain.

The Poles led the charge to the best of their ability. "it is," said one. "a party for the little boy of GOd who calls his self Jesus and... oh shit." She faltered and her fellow country-man came to her aid.

"He calls his self Jesus and then he be die one day on two.... morsels of.... lumber."

The rest of the class jumped in, offering bits of information that would have given the pope an aneurysm.

"He die one day and then he go above of my head to live with your father."

"He weared of himself the long hair and after he die, the first day he come back here for to say hello to the peoples."

"He nice, the Jesus."

i cracked up. best thing in the world. =)

speaking of books, cheap book alert!

i am so geeky that sourcing cheap books at book sales gives me a high.

i found the prettiest hardback for 6 bucks.

ok that was the geekiest thing i've ever said.

hoohoohoo.

ok im off to watch yet another episode of grey's anatomy.

addictive stuff. shit. =)

superman rockkks the mostest!

hoohoohoo.

like how can you not love a guy who fights for (and i quote) 'truth, justice and the american way'??!!!

blahblahblah.

and i dont care but christopher reeve is the best superman in the world!

not like the pussy-foots from smallville and the remake movie.

FWAHHHHHH.

now everybody, please look at this picture and like forget that anyone else ever tried to step in to fill his shoes. =P

film essay due tmr.

and i just watched eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

second time round, i liked it alot better.

god knows how many times i came this close to shedding a tear. (and i said this close hor! not that i shed any!)

hurhur i am so wussy.

anyways despite having a 2k word essay duee tmr (which btw i have yet to write a single word)

i am being extremely moronic and doing personality tests (i suspect i am addicted after the program yst.hurhur)

this one is v fun cos its a colour test! and v simple! (everyone knows how i detest complication. hurhur.)

just click on colours.

and elements in mine were scarily true.

You are very ambitious and because you seek and need recognition, you try in your own way to impress people and you want to be looked up to - to be both popular and admired. You feel that there is a gap which separates you from your fellow man, or woman as the case may be, but this anxiety is an unnecessary one. Keep on the way you are going and you may surprise yourself.

You enjoy taking part in anything that may constitute fun and excitement. You need to be stimulated and need to feel that 'Life is worth living' and you are awaiting that stimulation and you don't particularly care where it comes from!

It's the time of year that you are apt to become extremely restless and emotionally withdrawn. This is preventing you from becoming deeply involved with a person or persons within your sphere of influence. If you are willing to 'let go' and release your inhibitions you will find that a great deal of physical satisfaction will result, far more than perhaps you even believed you were capable of.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material.

hoohoohoo. i will rule the world! =P

take the test at: http://www.paulgoldin.com/colorgenics.htm

busy busy weekend. fun nonetheless. the coming week shld be even better! yayyyyy.

ok and now i shall go forth and conquer, lest i lose my 500 words-by-3am bet (1500 by then you hear?! hahaha) to chin.

thus boys and girls, i leave you with this:

blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better, even of their blunders.

i am stressed!

finally done with my 19th century paper!

and i still have that other poetry paper to write!

eww!

damn gross!

and you know what else is gross?

red bull!

eww!

which i must drink! to stay awake!

god there are just one too many exclamations marks in that post.

crunch time is now.

if i make it through tonight i swear i will never leave 3 deadlines (all due tmr at 12pm! siao!) to the last minute again!

okok back to work.

despicable and totally low.

what were you trying to validate?

that input was unnecessary, it did not concern you.

in any case,

you should know.

it would have got better had you not put your unwanted foot in it.

and now you can thank yourself for screwing it all up.

nice to know you had a hand in this yes?

from now on, i'd much rather you keep your distance.

i wish it'd go away.to have to contend with it is draining.and somehow it would be nice to be devoid of it all.

reallyreallytired.

not to mention pekcek.

but at the end of it all, you know it'll all be ok la. just the cathartic act of articulating feelings every once in awhile.

Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right

You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you

that aside, i do think judgements ought not to be made especially when individuals are least in a position to do so.

never seen, dont know, would be best not to talk la.

but whatever, no time to deal now.

third time in two days that i am watching coach carter.

sam jackson hurrah!!!! what a beautiful chocolate man i say.

hurhur.

been a fulfiling couple of days. yay for the pick-me-ups in life yes?

queensway.ikea.summeroflove.

good stuff, but i am so going to pay dearly for it academically.

oops.

heh just back from supporting miss seoh at the rh musical with fi.

ricardo reminded self of fei xiang's character in cabaret. (fei xiang! fei xiang! *cue auntie-ish squealing*)

hurhur i heart old man fei so much i even got his cd ok! in chinese no less!

whooohooo.

anyways i heart you fi! (and dont bluff, i know you're prob reading this lor, and grinning smugly i bet)

and talking to you always makes me happy. (eeeeeee so mushyyyy.. hoohoohoo)

so much truth in that t-shirt analogy. my (poor albeit very earnest) attempt to paraphrase,

'there's this t-shirt you really like, that no matter what you wear it with, it always makes you look good. but then suddenly one day you realise the t-shirt doesnt fit so good anymore. like maybe it starts to sag at the chest area or something. whatever the case, there are flaws where there werent before. you wanna throw the t-shirt away but you cant. cos it was your favourite. so you hang on, wondering if it was maybe you who changed, or the t-shirt. still, the realisation exists that it just doesnt fit right anymore.'

anyways t-shirt or not, i am going to DIE.

2 essays and a report due all on fridayyy.

not to mention a presentation on tuesday.

thus i shall have to struggle through jude the obscure.

quite akin to the struggles of the irish im sure.

doris the laptop (that bitch!) had to choose now to crash on me somemore.

barely a month after i got her serviced. high maintenance i call it.

this is the last time i name my belongings after a female. hurhur.

hurhur. u2 was accompanying me whilst i read about irish political turmoil for my gross lit test.

now everybody go download sunday bloody sunday!

Broken bottles under childrens feet
Bodies strewn across the dead end street
But I wont heed the battle call
It puts my back up
Puts my back up against the wall

Sunday, bloody sunday
Sunday, bloody sunday
Sunday, bloody sunday

And the battles just begun
Theres many lost, but tell me who has won
The trench is dug within our hearts
And mothers, children, brothers, sisters torn apart

Sunday, bloody sunday
Sunday, bloody sunday

ok im off to tackle jude. (oh my dreary existence!)

btw for my half k: i miss you tooooo! seeing you just made even clearer what i already know.. haha! that you're the only one who will crack up at my lame-ass jokes! (although i maintain my stance that they are actually subtly clever =P) i heart you dearest!

thom jones was totally right when he said, 'sleep, like death, is the only oblivion worth fighting for'.

it's epiphanic moments like these that shed the light on why i do what i do. heh.

i guess sometimes other people articulate feelings better than i do my own.

surprisingly i came home feeling totally burnt and craving sleep.

see la but now im wide awake.

die how to make it for breakfast tmr lor! chin's prediction could possibly not be easily dismissed when he said 'later tmr's breakfast will become lunch!'

crazy insomniac.

reading archived entries brought some realisation.

perhaps perceived it all a little differently. happier maybe.

less complication, less of a mess left to salvage.

but of course thats not to say i'd rather it all never happened.

just a twinge of the wistful, knowing that there is kinda like a residual post-lapsarian effect.

cant go back to the way you were before all this.

knowledge of that in itself is probably the toughest.

that and late nights when you cant sleep.

heh.

the problem is that there is no release. wells up but doesnt spill over.

and i guess thats when you wish that sleep will obliterate it.

fuck la, THIS BLOG IS GETTING TOO GROSSLY DEPRESSING FOR ITS OWN GOOD!

thus as a counter solution, here's a bad joke for you nice people who visit this spot ( i thank prof jwb for this.. hurhur) :

what do you call a sikh female porn star?
hard kaur

hoohoohoo.

like how funny is that right! =)

been very agitated these past couple of days.

thank god for this:

http://fun.from.hell.pl/2003-11-24/bubblewrap.swf

poppoppoppop!

try it people, you'll see what i mean. =)

i hope the realisation of your actions dawns on you.

its too late and too far to go back.

forgiveness makes a mockery out of it all. thus i will not give it.

and i will not be made a fool of.

either way, lessons are learnt.

the effect is sobering. the after-taste bitter.

nonetheless, on my part i gave trust more freely than i should. loved more than you deserved.

oh im sorry, that was my bad then.

it doesnt matter anymore.

when push came to shove,

you didnt prove me wrong.

what a shame.

i suppose i'll just have to cut then.

ugh sometimes i have to ask if knowing a little more than you should is actually all that good for you.

poooooi.

i really didnt want to have to do this but at this point i dont think i really have a choice.

cos i dont quite know how to deal with it right now.

and as much as i wish it didnt quite have to happen, if its one thing i've learnt its the impermanence of everything.

so i'll just live with the way things are.

if anything i wish you'd prove me wrong. i'll gladly admit to it. really.

till then, i have to draw the line.

on a cheerful note, i caught an old friend today.

was happy to see you nick. =)

remind me, earthbound, of some basic facts -
say if love leaves me i'll hardly lose my mind
and though grief is great so's the music of life.

simple yet true eh?

tired. physically and mentally.

still aching from gym. metal instruments of torture disguised as fitness equipment.

pooooooi.

test tmr and as usual i am ill prepared.

better yet, not prepared at all.

rarrrrrr. where did my grand ambitions for the weekend go?

ah thats right. i gave them up to pork knuckle and erdinger.

with very little regret i have to admit... cos it was great fun!

rows of people dancing on tables and benches. bavarian-inspired men (complete with suspenders and high socks no less!). german band.

i'd do it again anytime. =)

been feeling strangely indifferent these days. maybe im getting too tired to care.

funny how its not related to just a single isolated incident.

maybe its just certain realisations. and the only thing to do is detatch. if only to make the dealing easier.

but whatever la. no time to think about it now.

chao turtle american lit beckons.

ooh and on a slightly perkier note, hurrah for close encounters of a hamster-ish kind! =P

hello boys and girls.

today i arrived at a startling conclusion.

my life is governed by my passion for two things:

1) my bed

2) spongebob squarepants

god i really am the most uncool person i know. (but i dont care so there! haha)

fallen back to the norms.

school. (like how many ways can you say ewwww?!) polo. loads of catching up.

but cant complain la.

keeps me from contemplating things of an unhealthy nature.

escapism maybe, i just call it dealing.

haha.

somebody attach me a disclaimer: will only focus on the here and now.

firm belief in that mantra but i have to admit it isnt always the best thing to adopt.

maybe i wouldnt be doing this still. and wondering if i must be mad lor.

run on instinct, perhaps a little faith but very little else.

oh well.

recent resolved issues left a residual calm. nice.

and the giggly girls dinner today was nothing short of great fun!

okok its like 4am. i have to be up in 3 hours.

my parting words for today:

the mini schnauzer was way too cute la!

sadly the only way i'll be able to get $1300 is if it falls down from above due to some abundant heavenly blessing or something.

or a rich bf! (fang says there are 50 000 millionaires in singapore all of whom are probably not very aesthetically inclined. hurhur.)

either way, both seem like a rather remote possibility. kns. =P

MY KIND OF FAIRYTALE...

click and read people!

i swear your existence will be all the better for having done so.

hurhur.

thank god for stephan pastis.

now what was life before danny donkey??? =P

i christen today the scariest day of my life.

serious. no joke.

got involved in a small (really!) road accident of sorts.

my fault really, cos i wasnt vigilant enough looking at the lanes.

shitttt.

and to think mere minutes before that i had been congratulating myself on barely having encountered any road mishaps in the past 3 months or so.

one of life's cruel ironies.

haha so there goes my track record.

damn freaky can.

the cab driver wouldnt stop yelling at me.

and i couldnt retaliate that much cos seriously, it was my fault wat.

but i think the petrified look on my face got him.

in the end he just got back in his cab and drove off.

poor gertie is bearing a slight scar from the incident.

im crossing my fingers that my mum wont notice.

fuckkkk.

and to think i believed the scariest task for today would be reading catch-22.

yeah right.

god i am so averse to any form of studying that i have taken to watching re-runs of sg idol.

like wtf right.

heh but anyways i dont care.

this entry is being typed on my beloved doris!

she's back from the dead, thanks to the kindly folks at the NUS IT co-op. (go there people they resurrect computers that are beyond hope - like mine)

three cheers!!! =)

tmd. i really like chasing cars and should i stay.

they've been on repeat mode since like forever la.

i think pretty soon doris would rather she was dead. hah.

yesterday i caught imagine me and you.

lovely lovely. i liked it almost as much i do love actually.

and love actually is in my opinion the movie everyone should get to watch before they die or something.

this was the best part of the whole film for me:

Rachel (reading to co-workers):
In her acceptance speech, the distinguished scientist paid tribute to her husband, Dr. Chris Davis. Tomorrow the pair celebrate their 42nd wedding anniversary after eloping together on the day they met. When asked how they could possibly have known that it would all work out. Professor Harrison replied in true scientific fashion: "We don't know, you can never be sure. But you take the plunge anyway. Sure is for people who don't love enough."

it almost made me believe in love at first sight. almost. =)

only gripe was sitting next this very smoochy touchy couple.

i was like tian1 ah! walao! is this a bad joke?!!

oh dear, i do sound bitter dont i? whatever la. =P

go catch it people! its great!

iamsoamusedyou'restillinmythoughts.

wont be for much longer.

wake me up when september ends?

it just did. yayyyyy, =)

i wanted to rid the space of everything i wrote over the past few months.

but i couldnt.

or maybe i didnt want to.

maybe one day i'll be able to read them all over again without feeling sad.

but for now i can at least focus on getting things back to the way they were.

i'll be happier.

if there's anything i can say thank you for, its for the resolution you gave me.

its sad that i couldnt hold you down. but im sorry you couldnt too.

it was fun while it lasted.

guess i'll just have to keep on going.

and maybe one day i'll see you round the corner again. =)

CLEANING OUT MY CLOSET...

this space's been a little bleak of late.

no more i sayyy!

paul muldoon's a good way to kick start getting rid of all the detritus.

the best thing to happen yesterday.

Winter Wheat

I
The plowboy was something his something as i nibbled
the lobe
of her right ear and something her blouse
for the empire-blotchy globe
of her left breast on which there something a something
louse.

II
Those something lice like something seed-pearls
and her collar something with dandruff
as when Queen Elizabeth entertained the Earls
in her something something ruff.

III
I might have something the something groan
of the something plowboy who would with such
something urge
the something horses, a something and a roan,
had it not been for something splurge
of something like the hare
which even now managed to something itself from the
something plowshare.

quirky.

a little bit of fun: fill out all the somethings with words!

who am i kidding?! =P

only dear patke (hurrah!) will be crazy enough do this kind of thing.

i fear the consequence.

more so i think i fear the unknown.

but its something i must do.

let's hope i dont make a right royal mess out of it.

how many strikes before you're out?

my patience wears thin.

i just hope im wrong.

aside from that, its been a good weekend.

caught the mooncakes at lizard's yst.

(creative popiah session galore! altogether now, sakura popiah!)

so happy to see them and the lao3 coaches again! =)

dinner with the gigglies in celebration of shih's 21st tonight!

anna sui escapades proved to be a riot. ( correct anot pok?) =P

fun fun fun.

things are gonna start getting crazyyyy.

only thing to say to that?

keep up kim!

omg i am like so very nerdy and unhappening la.

its friday night.

arent most people supposed to be out having fun???

what am i doing?

eating hello panda (i will never outgrow hello panda i swear) and keeping company with a pile of history notes.

aiyohhhhhhhhhh.

i find myself becoming increasingly disappointed and disllusioned.

it always resurfaces.

just when everything seems to be getting better.

totally bites you in the ass la.

it doesnt have to be this way.

wish i knew when to quit.

or how for that matter.

WE BUILT IT ALL ON ROCK AND ROLL...



i love the fighters.

thank you for everything. it was a blast every step of the way.

and know what? i think somewhere along the line, we did find that perfect game. =)

you guys are everything to me. really.

haha wah lau damn mushy la!

but anyways,

to lizard, maxi, half k, lao blur, shuzenathan d/o ong, xy, no.6 and m.bison:

i'll really miss you guys. alot. thanks for being such a huge part of my life these past two years! dont go away k!!! we'll always be a team. heart you guys.=)

to the other fighters:

i heart you all!! see you at the pool!! hahaha =)

in an aside,

i should be studying for my midterm tmr.

my brain is devoid of anything concrete.

this football/nuclear war stuff is completely flying over the top of my head.

ughhhhhhh.

but its ok! there is hope!

cos im getting fawlty towers from jen tmr!

in exchange for blackadder! (not mine i might add. oops. =P)

hurrahhhhhh.

nothing that some good brit humour cant put right. heh.

its weird.

i never had to grasp for straws when it came to words. now it seems i do.

i dont like it.

howhow?

dunno leh.

maybe i should go finish endzone. all that nuclear war shit will surely knock me out cold.

i hate how i blog only when i feel inclined to the melancholic.

and i hate how im always unable to find the right words to articulate.

there's never a total release.

tired.

maybe im just doing this to myself.

seeing the shit and walking right into it.

but no one gets a one up on beck when he said

everybody's gotta learn sometime

the irony.

yet another rockstar supernova inspired post.

i. want. toby. to. win.

haha.



been a good week.

lighter than i've felt in awhile.

heh.

but today's just one of those dont feel like doing much days.

feeling a little uninspired.

and so im just gonna let courtney love do the talking.

Oh, make me over
Im all I want to be
A walking study
In demonology

Hey, so glad you could make it
Yeah, now you really made it
Hey, so glad you could make it now
Oh, look at my face

My name is might have been
My name is never was
My name's forgotten

Hey, so glad you could make it
Yeah, now you really made it
Hey, there's only us left now

When I wake up in my makeup
Its too early for that dress
Wilted and faded somewhere in hollywood
Im glad I came here
With your pound of flesh
No second billing cause youre a star now
Oh, cinderella
They aren't sluts like you
Beautiful garbage beautiful dresses
Can you stand up or will you just fall down

You better watch out
What you wish for
It better be worth it
So much to die for

Hey, so glad you could make it
Yeah, now you really made it
Hey, there's only us left now

When I wake up in my makeup
Have you ever felt so used up as this?
Its all so sugarless
Hooker/waitress/model/actress
Oh, just go nameless
Honeysuckle, she's full of poison
She obliterated everything she kissed
Now she's fading
Somewhere in hollywood
Im glad I came here
With your pound of flesh

You want a part of me
Well, Im not selling cheap
No, Im not selling cheap

NOTHING TO DO AT 5AM...

crazy insomniac.

wide awake at 5am is a surefire way to ensure that self will be dozing in class later today.

oh man.

a squillion times said, but a squillion times not enough so...

i heart my lunar-powered mooncakes!! (or solar-powered sun biscuits if some insist)

haha.

interesting (as always! hurhur dont care if it sounds shameless) conversation with my half k on the drive back earlier.

suspension or control?

i picked control.

the realisation that any form of uncertainty kills me.

oops.

unrelated but also hit me hard,

better to burn out than to fade away.

i couldnt agree more neil young.

heh.

strangely death cab for cutie played on the radio at certain significant moments.

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

coincidence perhaps yet somehow comforting.

now if i may be excused, im off to tune in to some ozzy.

PHWOARRRRRRRR!!!!



marry me tommy lee!!!

hah.

no wonder pam anderson kept coming back for more lor. =P

rockstar vs sg idol 2?

no competition la.

haha speaking of competition, the weekend draws close.

all the months of training finally culminating in this.

feeling the synergy.

oh yeah, let's do it babes. =)

occasional nagging thoughts.

kinda like the earworm you cant quite eradicate from your head.

some light shed.

and the realisation that it might never be the same way again.

a change of perception.

for better or worse i dont quite know yet.

we'll see.

life resumes its normalcy, goes on.

and im happy for that.

either that or im just numb laaaaaa.

haha.

whatever it may be, the focus has got to shift right now.

off to catch the re-run of rockstar.

and to that i say again,

marry me tommy lee!!!!!

its never easy getting past the initial barrage of emotions.

but once the dust settles, you realise how much sense it makes.

and how neccessary it all was.

a self-imposed grow up kimberly.

haha.

it helped and i realised it would all be ok.

thank you to everyone who was there. and for all the love and concern.

hughughughug.

i heart you all.

"It's not a goodbye, it's a see you later"

it's ironic that separation is the only way to make it work.

temporary but it still hurts like fuck.

need to be strong.

i know i can but i cant do it alone.

but first i need to stop crying.

coming so close to losing someone is when you realise his worth to you.

and the pain of the realisation is so consuming.

i didnt intend to write all this down but my thoughts are a mess.

and i keep telling myself this is short term pain for our long term gain.

it doesn't hurt any less.

i felt like i lost a little part of myself.

and a gaping emptiness remains.

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

doing this because we still want to try.

i will keep trying.

and no matter what, i wont fall apart.

IRONIC.

RANDOM WORKINGS AT 6AM...

it's 6am.

apparently physical fatigue alone isnt enough to send me packing off to bed.

heh i surprise myself. =)

strangely, cat and sparrow incident kept replaying in my head on the drive home.

unnerving, unsettling.

yet when all is said and done, i do love quiet roads in the aftermath of a passing shower.

faith.

if only a little more.

question and answer is a case of too little too much.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies

roll with the punches eh? =)

haha such a garbled post.

will watch trashy tv lest i suffer a brain bender trying to figure out where this is all headed.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT...

it's been awhile.

loads of stuff to blog about.

training, camps, the heritagefest job.

heh but as i only have a couple of minutes to kill seeing as im waiting for lumps to show up at my place so we can go catch nacho libre (i heart jack black!)...

... i shall hold out on the details for awhile

and leave with a little something i came across on a friend's blog.

"relationships are like peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches. you have peanutbutter on one side, and jelly on the other. yet when you pry the both sides apart, you'll have bits of jelly left on the peanutbutter side."

the stark truth in such a simple analogy.

boggling. =)

WHOOHOO!!!!

alright spain!!!!!!!

heart-stopping brilliance in 90 minutes.

think its got my vote for best match so far.



utterly floored. =)

and there it rears its ugly head, that strangely unfamiliar melancholy.

devoid.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going no where
Going no where
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression
No expression
Hide my head
I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow
No tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad world

thinking. missing. wanting.

" 'SKEW ME FEMALE! YOU DONT UNDERSTAND FOOTBALL! "

according to straits time columnist Teo Cheng Wee ( i shake my fist at you!)

i declare myself averse to males who subscribe to archaic gender stereotyping of this sort.

pui.

the introductory to his column:

"Women, stop pretending to be fans if you're not - you have no idea what football is about"

tamade im going to smack him.

he proceeds to postulate that:

"Men watch football for fun. But women who think they know football watch it to be one of the cool girls who hang out with the fellows at the bar."

so if i like to eat peanuts and lim beer at the bar, whilst watching sweaty men kick a ball around on tv BY MYSELF cannot is it?!

wait wait, it gets better.

the man (whose purist ideals with regard to football render him similar to hitler) ends off his extremely sexist column with:

"If you havent actually kicked the ball, you wont know. And, sorry i dont see why i have to explain stuff like this at every game to a supposed (such insinuations! pui!) fan.

And you wonder why most sports journalists, match commentators and football pundits are guys.

Remember, ladies: its not a badge of honour. It's a bloody game. Enjoy it at your own level (eh hello, wtf?!) if you cant enjoy it like the guys.

Just dont spoil it for the men. (i slap you then you know)"

the insinuations in the article are grossly sexist.

apparently women are only well-versed in mascara and the great singapore sale. (to that i throw a pointy tweezer at him)

there's loads more where that came from..

..so everybody please turn to pg 4 of sunday life! and proceed to step on it.

rarrrr.

cannot understand why such clearly defined boundaries between male and female enjoyment of football must be drawn.

want to watch just watch la.

and as my show of defiance (even though i dont know much about football but still want to watch world cup anyway)

...i shall put up a picture of my beloved cristiano ronaldo. (go portugal!!!)



perfection personified. whoohoo!

and i dont care how superficial that sounds.

hurhurhur.

been listening to alot of hinder lately.

why'd you go and break what's already broken?
i try to take a breath but i'm already choking
how long till this goes away?
i try to remember to forget you

if it were that simple.

hah.

it just isnt.

EH LIM BU!!

haha.

happy 21st birthday lumps!

ur the coolest, most pyschotic moron i know. =P

but you know i heart you so damn much la.

14 years and counting... thanks for always being there. =)

WTF?!!

haha i think im damn bo liao la.

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 60%

Gluttony: 20%

Pride: 20%

Envy: 0%

Greed: 0%

Lust: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You will get bugs, because you're too lazy to shoo them off. And then you'll die.

How Sinful Are You?

tamade.

bugs my ass.

just watched portugal's (hurrah!) first match.

granted its a terribly superficial reason to watch football, (rendering football purists liable to hurl rocks at me) =P

...but let it be said that the portuguese team are aesthetic in more ways than one eh??

wink wink. =P

hurhur.

ok its off to bed.

TOO RANDOM FOR A TITLE...

get the feeling that i have so much threatening to spill over but no words to articulate.

irksome. heh.

nothing negative per se, just a passing intriguing thought.

wanna piece it all back but dont know how.

a tightening grasp the only certainty.

so much begs to be questioned.

yet its ironic that the only thing that matters is the clearest.

was introduced to an absolutely beautiful song today. thanks liang.

imogen heap's speeding cars is haunting.

Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don’t feed me violence, just run with me
Through rows of speeding cars
The paper cuts, the cheating lovers
The coffee’s never strong enough
I know you think it’s more than just bad luck

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC's of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t lose your head
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

Sleeping pills, no sleeping dogs lie never
Far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I’ve watched you slowly winding down for years
You can’t keep on like this
Now is as bad of time as any

in a totally unrelated aside, just watched the game between sweden and T&T.

brilliant performance from T&T i thought.

human will thriving in adversity. amazing.

and on that very apt note, am off to bed. friendlies tmr.

I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story, and oh I scream for you.

"EH I DRIVE YOU TO..."

then again, maybe not la huh. =P

terrorized the roads 3 times already.

and its only been like 3 days since i got the license.

mum's never letting me drive her car again. ever.

"you're not ready to handle this car" she says.

ok lor.

ariel, sweet, manda and cs are probably grateful to be alive right now. =P

haha.

dangerous lane weaving, almost head-on collision with road divider and what not.

wah piang.

totally burnt from today. heat was a killer.

gross new tanlines now spanning my front and back.

but its ok. polo is my escape. =)

anyways, hinder's lips of an angel is lovely.

Honey why are you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you I
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

ok i need a nap. zzzz.

CHEAP THRILL...

just cause im killing time before scooting off for training...

Which One of The 7 Main Arts Are You? (Beautiful Pictures -- FIXED!)

You are~Photography~
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one good, one bad today.

nabeh.

haha.

oh well, cant have my cake and eat it can i??

swelling's going down thank god.

at least im articulating better now. heh. =)

BACK FROM BKK!!

back from bangkok!

where i ate more tom yum than is healthy for any normal individual...

...and shopped (yes, shopped!) more in 3 days than i ever will in a year.

damn good stuff.

pics up as soon as i get 'em from ma bitch. =P

hurhur.

finally got down to that piercing i've been coveting all this while.

damn humji walking into the shop.

think it was the finality of my actions bearing down upon me.

lucky i paid and signed first. hah.

continual lisping was made fun of after that.

tamade. =P

you might not see this but thank you.

i think you get me better than i do.

more than you actually realise. =)

combination of fatigue and swelling.

bed, bed.

RANDOM PIECES...

'So then you knew!' he exclaimed.
She not only knew, she agreed, but she had helped him to endure the suffering as lovingly as she had helped him to discover happiness. Because that was what his last eleven months had been: cruel suffering.
'Your duty was to report him,' said the Doctor.
'I could not do that,' she said, shocked. 'I loved him too much.'

-Love in the time of cholera

beautiful stuff.

every once in a while there comes a piece of writing that evokes feeling simply beyond comprehension.

and you might actually never really be the same after that.

i think this is one of those pieces.

what a gem. =)

hehe.

caught poseidon with lumps and cs today.

sorry lumps but poseidon was baaddddd.

haha.

whilst waiting, was challenged to daytona (which i havent played in the longest time) by cs.

trumped him! =p

he swears it was luck. i maintain that it was pure skill. =P

sakae and ice cube with css2 (haha!) after that.

was found by dan under the lit section to which he exclaimed, 'where else would i look for you la!'

funny, funny. =P

need for high degrees of self-restraint.

too close to buying more books today which would mean no money to eat for the rest of the month.

and whilst it is true that Man does not live by bread alone, i doubt paper tastes good.

ah well.

bangkok in 2 days!!!

my own mini countdown.

lethal combination of excitement and anticipation. =)

FOR THE MORON...

...whom i heart very much.

hahaha.

im talking about my brother la. =P

ah, here he is:



hahaha.

anyways today i realised he's quite the poet despite his insistence on maintaining a hardcore death-metal exterior.

he wrote this song:

Autumn wind of eve,
blow away the clouds that mass
over the moon's pure light
and the mists that cloud our mind,
do thou sweep away as well.

Now we disappear,
well, what must we think of it?
From the sky we came,
Now we may go back again.

Holding forth this sword,
I cut vacuity in twain;
In the midst of the great fire,
a stream of refreshing breeze!

That's a least one point of view.
Like a rotten log,
half-buried in the ground-
my life, which
has not flowered, comes
to this sad end.

Had i not known
that i was dead
already
I would have mourned my loss of life.

Holding forth this sword,
I cut vacuity in twain;
In the midst of the great fire,
a stream of refreshing breeze!

Whether one passes on or remains is all the same.
That you can take no one with you is the only difference.
Ah, how pleasant! Two awakenings and one sleep.
This dream of a fleeting world! The roseate hues of early dawn!

its untitled as yet but its potent stuff.

am so proud. =)

past few days have seen me getting very little zzz.

jb, supper, boozing.

worth every bit la.

haha. =)

been preoccupied with traning and driving lessons too.

practical on the 26th (cross fingers!!)

am glad about trainings having started tho.

gives my life some semblance of normalcy. haha.

missed it damn bad all through the exam period. =)

tired tired.

off to crash. =)

JUST CALL ME LAO NIANG...

hurhurhur.

im utterly serious.

henceforth, i shall forevermore be known as lao niang. =)

hitting the big 21 was a blast.

3 nights of total debauchery before i cast aside the frivolity of my youth.

haha so drama. =P

got no pics yet but will put some up as soon i as i get my hands on 'em.

hehehe.

the retro party was sucha blast!!

you guys got me so good. i totally had no idea la.

hahaha.

thank you so much to my folks, cs, the cp people, f10, giggly girls, precious and ailina!!

was so damn touched by all the effort. i heart you all!!

also thank you to daniel and mich. (you both are damn good liars =P)

as well as nas and the grape!

much love to you guys too. =)

lao niang doesnt really feel 21 leh.. like how that blink 182 song goes,

"what's my age again?"

hurhur.

jb after training tmr!

and thailand next week!

excitement!!!

Live life for the moments
For the moment it happened, it had been real.

FREE LOOP...

hahaha this pic's for lumps.. sorry it's a little late babe.

but better late than never eh??



hahaha god i look so damn beng. =P

anways, took a reprieve from general bio today by going with cs to cut hair.

his i might add, not mine. (any more cutting and my mum will be telling people she has 2 sons)

sheesh.

anyways put together a/an:

1) over-worked (and perhaps idle =P) mind
2) full cup of sprite
3) many many straws

and what do you get??



HAHA.

throw in an absolute loon,

you get...



thats cs being totally loopy. what a riot.

hurhur.

its quite a feat to drink from 4 straws.

alot harder than it looks. =P

hahaha damn cheap thrill.

its a wonder we werent thrown out by the friendly macdonald's staff.

oh well, back to gen bio and the like.

what a chore laaaaa.

on the bright side, thursday's almost here!

yayyyyyy. =)

How many people came and stayed a certain time,
Uttered light or dark speech that became part of you
Like light behind windblown fog and sand,
Filtered and influenced by it, until no part
Remains that is surely you.

from Self-portrait in a convex mirror - John Ashbery

TOO DAMN FREE LA...



hurhur.

JUST COS SHE SAID THAT...

the other day, the mum said:

"you know, i think you're an old soul"

i was like, ''eh??!"

anyways, to celebrate that,

i shall post up lyrics of damn old songs.

hahaha like this one by john lennon.

which is really cool.

and which i cant stop singing along to.

Woman I can hardly express,
My mixed emotion at my thoughtlessness,
After all I'm forever in your debt,
And woman I will try express,
My inner feelings and thankfullness,
For showing me the meaning of success,
oooh well, well, oooh well, well,

Woman I know you understand
The little child inside the man,
Please remember my life is in your hands,
And woman hold me close to your heart,
However, distant don't keep us apart,
After all it is written in the stars,
oooh well, well, oooh well, well,

Woman please let me explain,
I never meant to cause you sorrow or pain,
So let me tell you again and again and again,
I love you (yeah, yeah) now and forever.

woman - John Lennon

3 papers down, 2 more to go.

thursday thursday!

am off to attempt yet another futile crack at the books.

thank you half k and maxi. =)

KICK UP THE LEAVES...

the intensity overwhelms.

and there's nothing to grasp.

resentment?

maybe.

but i make no apologies for it.

denial?

what for?

pain doesnt lessen.

some things change.

i know what doesnt.

thats precisely what amplifies pain.

pahhhhh.

but this is just damn bad timing la.

then again, is there ever a good time?

AND YOU'D CHOOSE??

from kelvin tong's Love Story...

would you rather

an ordinary mundane love that lasts forever?

or

a dazzling love that is short-lived?

something to chew on in between all that mugging.

heh.

sadly, was a little disappointed with the way the film turned out.

a little too abstract for my liking.

but oh well, thats just me. =)

in other news...

happy birthday ariel dear!! heart you many!

a total barrel of laughs la.

i wont be forgetting dear old bin-tan and afghanis-tan anytime soon.

teeheehee.

mannnn damn suay.

exams next week and im on the verge of a flu.

pahhhhhhhhhh.

silver lining this exam period (besides thailand of course - thailand babyyyyyy!) :



little britain!!

im hooked.

best stuff i've seen in awhile.

heh.

ok back to my books.

zzzzzzzzz.

"KOSSY, YOU'RE MY AFFLATUS!!"

there.

i've finally said it after meaning to do so for the longest time.

hehe.

wah lau my last post is like older than my ah ma can.

and since it is a known fact that i tend to post more during exam period ( i swear its stress, not procrastination! =P)

and it being in the midst of exams,

i see no reason to break a perfectly good tradition eh??

this is gonna be a long, randomly-scattered post.

people you have been warned. =P

the past week has been privy to numerous bursts of joy.

like easter vigil!

where i was there to witness the baptism of my very first (and probably only - cos im so damn psychotic) god child - liza!

hahaha so proud. =P

liza you are a damn brave girl for daring to pick me as your godma. TEEHEEHEE.

here be some pics of the night:



the glow from the candles is so pretty.

and thats me right at the bottom...

staring at my candle with a crazed gleam in my eye.

what a loon.

i was going for earnest i swear.

dan said i looked ''artificial''.

pahhhhhhh. =P

but on the whole, it was beautiful.

despite the constant standing and sitting. (eh very exhausting k!)

hahaha. thank you dan, for the collage.

chio-ness.

monday night saw a stay-over with jy and sarah at their room at ntu.

it was supposed (and there is a reason why i highlight supposed) to be a mugging session.

thats us before we began:



look at our faces full of hope and anticipation of a productive session.

HAHA.

let it be said that in my case, i quote jy:

"first to sleep and last to wake up"

oh well. so much for productivity la.

the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak. really.

hurhurhur.

my other random bursts of joy this week:

- my beloved m.ho called from the uk! dearest i swear you really made my day. i heart you!!

- rich, i had fun too!! i miss you!!! dinner with f10 soon k? we must we must. =)

ah and we finally reach the climax of the post -

- to which i can only say...

SHIT ASS EXAMS ARE LIKE NEXT WEEK.

my heart bleeds to type this.

but but but

the silver lining:

thailand babyyyyyyyy!!!

cant wait!

i go buy many many beer singlets to wear next sem. ( as well as those gross brown fruits my ah bu wants) =)

but for now i will have to contend with a pile of lit texts that stack up taller than myself.

owwwwwww.

speaking of lit texts, i did not like emma. cheat my feelings only.

pahhhhhh.

okok back to work.

tho all i feel like doing is crawling into my bed to zzz.

the run made me all nua.

leg muscles are in a state of liquification (got such word?!! i dunno leh) after having minimal activity these past few weeks.

sheesh.

yellowcard's ocean avenue in my head.

and to hit the books with that i will go.

There's a place off Ocean Avenue,
Where I used to sit and talk with you,
We were both 16 and it felt so right,
Sleeping all day, staying up all night,
Staying up all night.

There's a place on the corner of Cherry Street,
We would walk on the beach in our bare feet,
We were both 18, and it felt so right,
Sleeping all day, staying up all night,
Staying up all night.

If I could find you now
Things would get better,
We could leave this town,
And Run forever,
Let your waves crash down on me
And take me away, yeah, yeah.

There's a piece of you that's here with me,
It's everywhere I go, it's everything I see
When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by,
I can make believe that you're here tonight,
That you're here tonight.

If I could find you now,
Things would get better.
We could leave this town,
And run forever
I know somewhere, somehow, we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me,And take me away, yeah

I remember the look in your eyes,
When I told you that this was goodbye
You were begging me not tonight,
Not here,Not now.
We're looking up at the same night sky
And keep pretending the sun will not rise
We'll be together for one more night,
Somewhere, somehow.

If I could find you now,Things would get better.
We could leave this town,
And run forever.
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together.
Let your waves crash down on me,
And take me away, yeah.

MELANCHOLY OLLIE...

everytime i have deadlines to meet, im inclined to be slightly melancholic.

these past two days have been nothing but churning out stupid essays.

last one to go tmr!

then i can revert to becoming slightly more human.

hurhurhur.

oh well nothing's all that bad...

.. when you have the bengs from 15!

who have been keeping me company lest i go crazy from essay-generating.

im pretty certain its gotta be those hokkien songs.

im a little beng at heart i can tell. =P

anyways people, 15 is great stuff!

for the full version..

http://youtube.com/watch?v=GNROYxSM0HM

ok back to essay-ing. =/

Every time you hear the rolling thunder
And you turn and run before the lightning strikes
Well does it ever make you stop and wonder
If all your good times pass you by.

PUKE PUKE...

eh my essay make me wanna puke blood la.

i know absolutely nothing. =/

i'll think i'll be running on teh and chocolate till all this is done.

bleagh...

if anything, my only comfort lies in the beauty of La Belle Dame Sans Merci...



absolute gorgeousness.. =)

THE BEST THINGS ARE (ALMOST) FREE...

waves.

rocks.

junk food.

that comfortable silence.

great company.

all it took to make my night, really. =)

thanks guys...

looking forward to jb and bintan already!

just that annoying little itch called exams to get through.

rarrrrr. =/

ugh presentation stuff getting on my nerves...

...and i need to kick start my essay thats due tmr or im in a shitload of trouble.

off to work i say!

This sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting everytime...

TOO HARD TO DEFINE...

i was asked wherein lay the difference.

i may not have been able to articulate it.

yet i realised the answer was startlingly clear.

it just fit.

and to know that is enough. =)

I STAND HUMBLED...

"Voilà ! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à -vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V. "

never have i seen words roll off each other so gorgeously.

V is amazing. absolutely amazing.

shit ass presentation tmr and up to this point, nothing done whatsoever.

i should probably get down to doing some work. =/

GUNN'S 16...

She trembles slightly: her flesh feels
hardly strong enough for the
weight of white lace which seems
to overwhelm her

in her shy smile choice meets
delight which is fair and fragile

She is giving herself
in trust so complete. so
vulnerable to
the attack of happiness that you
catch your breath at the risk
yet waiting
she bears the lace like
her own tender handmaiden
how clear, how soft, and how firm

Thom Gunn

FEELING WAY TOO DAMN GOOD...

today was just one of those generally good days.

and i came home with this especially good feeling in the pit of my stomach.

hahaha.. nice. =)

too much messing with the head recently.

and good laughs are seriously therapeutic. =)

dan, i wont be forgetting "you cant run bitch" anytime too soon. =P

hurhurhur.

singapore film project finally done with!

after many many takes and cups of teh at fong seng..

but the end product was worth every bit of it. =)

its so chio!!!

thanks to our very video-editing-adept project mate who made it look as pro as he possibly could from the mountain of trashy footage we gave him. =P

but projects always seem a little more manageable when you have cool project mates to work with.

and this bunch was damn fun.

so its all good. =)

ugh coming weeks foresee endless deadlines.

can anyone say bring on the kopi and cheesy music?? =)

SO THEY CALL THIS THING QUIZ...

ok i dont often do these things.

but i thought this one was pretty cool.

check out the link here:

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=12721960859055255705

the Helper

Test finished!

you chose CX - your Enneagram type is TWO.

"I must help others"

Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.

How to Get Along with Me
Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
Share fun times with me.
Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
Let me know that I am important and special to you.
Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships
Reassure me that I am intersting to you.
Reassure me often that you love me.
Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

What I Like About Being a Two
being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
being generous, caring, and warm
being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

What's Hard About Being a Two
not being able to say no
having low self-esteem
feeling drained from overdoing for others
not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

Twos as Children Often
are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
are outwardly compliant
are popular or try to be popular with other children
act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos)

Twos as Parents
are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
are often playful with their children
wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
can become fiercely protective
Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

hmmmm.. interesting. =)

just back from supporting the canoeing team at the MR500 at seletar.

saw some of the races...damn cool. =)

god i miss rowing.

but i guess thats a part of me thats done with.

alot of happy memories so no regrets. =)

ok gotta haul myself off to a 21st shindig.

feeling so nua. =P

EH I DONT GEDDIT LEH...

was reading a friend's blog last night and came across this.

he's a science student and reads alot of these science-y books.

and he thought this was damn funny.

One day, all of the world's famous physicists decided to get together for a tea luncheon. Fortunately, the doorman was a gard student, and able to observe some of the guests.

Everyone gravitated towards Newton, but he just kept moving around at a constant velocity and showed no reaction.

Einstein thought it was a relatively good time.

Coulomb got a real charge out of the whole thing.

Ohm spent most of the time resisting Ampere's opinions on the current events.

Volt thought the social gathering had a lot of potential.

Heisenberg may or may not have been there.

The Curies were there and just glowed the whole time.

Van der Waals forced himself to mingle.

Wien radiated a colourful personality.

De Broglie mostly just stood in the corner and waved.

Stefan and Boltzmann got into some hot debate.

Everyone was attracted to Tesla's magnetic personality.

Bohr ate too much and got atomic ache.

Watt turned out to be a powerful speaker.

Hertz went back to the buffet table several times a minute.

Faraday had quite a capacity for food.

Schrodinger just ate steamed catfish.

ok apparently, the catch is that you have to know the contributions that these great men and women made to science.

which i of course, was not the slightest bit fluent in.

oh well.

if you guys get the catfish one, enlighten me please! =)

in other news...

caught V for Vendetta yesterday!



damn good stuff...

V is the epitome of eloquence i say! =)

hahaha.

am on an unexplainable high. =)

and Travis totally spoke to me with Know Nothing.

Everything that you know is as wrong as the next
So you hold on to something and hope for the best
And you know that it's right 'til you find that it's left
And I'm doing the same and I have to confess

That I know nothing
I never knew that there'd be nothing and no one to show you the way
I know nothing
When all I do is make it through to the end of the day

All my senses are pushing the whole other way
I can't see where to look now what's that that you say?
It's a beautiful world it's a beautiful day
And I wish I could say if I was feeling the same

When I know nothing
I never knew that there'd be nothing and no one to show you the way
I know nothing
I need an Obi-wan to tell me if I've gone astray

And I wish it was clearer to see
If you are what you're made out to be
But there's no guarantee if you're you and I'm me
And there never will be, 'til I can see what you see

When I know nothing
I never knew that there'd be nothing and no one to show you the way
I know nothing
When all I do is make it through to the end of the day

damn cool la.

SHAMELESS BAND PLUG...

the lucksmiths rock!

been keeping them on repeat mode these past couple of days...

go download people!!

this one's called guess how much i love you...

Good Friday and I’m miles away
And missing you already
From a backyard in Balmain
To the post office and back again
I bought a postcard I’m getting close
But I haven’t got around to it yet
I know I said I’d write
And maybe I might

You know I’m thinking of you
In the bookstore, in the laundromat
Guess how much I love you
Much more, more than that
More than that

Better Saturday
It’s been that way since I spoke to you this morning
From a pay-phone in a pub
Here’s the rock’n’roll and there’s the rub
And when I spoke to you
You said ‘I’ll see you soon’
But I won’t see you for ages
And your voice sounded so small
The loneliness of the long distance phone call

You know I’m thinking of you
In the bookstore, in the laundromat
Guess how much I love you
Much more, more than that
Guess how much I love you
More than that

Here’s me
Here’s you
Draw a line between the two
This is cartography for beginners
On a map the gap’s three fingers
But it’s more than that
It’s more than that

nice. =)

I, WOULD-BE TECHIE...

hahaha.

the other day, i made my first foray into an IT fair.

knowing of course, next to nothing about anything vaguely technology-related. =P

techie terminology made about as much sense to me as would a physics textbook.

enough said eh?

hahaha.

all that stuff about bytes, gigs, graphic cards and god knows what else was totally wasted on me la.

anyways, the singular coolest thing that came out of the tech fair venture was the fact that i got me some new speakers for my com!

with subwoofers somemore! (techie term alert cos i dont actually know what subwoofers are)

they just made it sound really cool on the box. =P

and every one knows i am consumerism's greatest sucker. (or victim as i like to say)

hurhur.

anyways whatever these subwoofer thingies are, THEY WORK LA!!

cs came over to help me fix 'em up cos i am after all, a tech-goondu.

and they are damn cool!!!

wah its almost like having surround sound!

my floor vibrates!

well, sorta.

coooooool.

ok i hafta stop this lest i risk sounding like the biggest git in the world. =P

happy happy.

caught munich last night with nas and the grape.

what a tear-jerker la.

although i think my tears would actually have flowed out if we hadnt kena-ed the seats right in the front.

having to arch my neck so high probably made all the tears flow backwards or something. bet my brain is now water-logged lor.

teehee.

all the same, i loved it.

in other news,

legs and paddles tmr.

i wanna think of it as some fun in the sun but the prospect of a 5km run does tend to act as a total killjoy.

mannnnn.

hahaha all the same,

lets go team skimti!! =)

SO MUCH FOR....

...possessing a strong sense of conviction.

in which i am sorely lacking.

initial plans to hole self up in library as proof of academic worthiness came to naught.

so much for making a considerable dent in my bio essay!

and all in the name of chomp chomp seafood and chicken wings...

i have zero self control la.

and i blame it on the mother for dangling the offer so enticingly in my face. =P

hell week's over.. for the moment!

hurrah!

finished the last of the dreaded presentations today.

donne's devotional lyric proved to be a hot topic of contention.. damn cool stuff.

but if anything, at least i wont be seeing any more of this for awhile.

anyways, this being quite belated...

happy birthday liza!! =)

i shall continue to enrich your life by my love and example. (teeheehee)

celebrated at settlers cafe with the giggly girls. =)

had a hand at jenga which i havent played in like the longest time...

damn fun stuff la!! =)



wah im like damn black in the photo.

gross. gotta do something about it.

or as proposed by fang and pok, i am:

(a) in danger of permanent mutation and capable of joining the ranks of fang's already mutated friends.

(b) cursed to a tragic future of never being able to find the right shade of foundation on my wedding day.

oh the horror of possibility! hurhur. =P

oh well.

am off to attempt to kick start the shitty bio essay.

let's see how long this valiant attempt actually lasts. =P