Happy Christmas Readers!

The wanderer returns

Apparently San Francisco is a Westie-free zone. Quite why, then, Gail would want to spend nearly two weeks there is a mystery. But that's where she's been it seems.

She returned last night, equipped with a whole series of frankly lame excuses for not bearing gifts. For example:

"My bag's still stuck in Terminal 5"

"I went to the 'Best in Show' pet shop in Castro, but they'd sold out of George Bush doggie chews"

"All the dog coats were designed for chihuahaus"

"You can't bring meat in through customs"

But I know the truth. She spent all her money on food. For herself. As usual.

At least some people do buy me presents. That nice lady Diane at the German class sent a handy little towel, small enough to put in a pocket. So no excuses now Gail for not drying me off properly after we've been out walking in the rain. 

Which reminds me. Gail! Isn't it time for a walk in the park? Woof woof.......

A new regime

I was right. I knew it. Gail's gone away, and I've been left in the care of Naomi, the lodger.

Slowly, I'm licking her into shape. (Metaphorically, that is, not literally. Don't want readers to think I'm the sort of dog that slobbers all over people, I'm not). Naomi does seem to have some different ideas to Gail when it come to walks, bedtime, rights to sit on furniture etc. But it's OK, we rub along just fine. 

I think Gail's taken her new toy with her, that shiny little computer she calls 'McBook' or somesuch. I'm beginning to think she's more interested in that thing than me at the moment. Oh well, I guess she'll get over it. I'm confident I have more enduring appeal. 

And I'm sure Gail's missing me, I can feel it. 

Suitcases

Uh oh. Something's up. I can always tell.

Gail went in to the box room last night and dug out a suitcase. I know what that means. And I'm wise to her tricks. She tried to divert my attention by giving me supper early whilst she started sorting out clothes and stuff. As if I'm so stupid I won't realise that I'm about to be abandoned.

Perhaps if I rush around the house looking all anxious and pleading then she'll feel so bad she'll take me with her. Yes I'll try that first and save the incessant barking routine for later.

It's never much fun when Gail goes away. And of course, how do I know that she's coming back? And who will help me write this blog?

Guidelines for visitors

We have had a lot of visitors to 3 Devanha Gardens South this year. It occurs to me that, consistent with my undisputed position as master of the household, it is time to publish some guidelines as to how visitors are expected to behave.

• House guests are on no account to look disapproving when I am being given special food treats. In fact they are positively encouraged to make Gail feel bad about her absurd 'no feeding from the table' rule.


• Younger guests are reminded of the tail pulling ban, and are dissuaded in general from running around, making lots of noise and being disruptive.


• Visitors must recognise that dogs - especially elderly dogs - have different priorities when out walking. The importance of allowing time for identifying all detectable smells must be acknowledged. The 'route-march' approach to hiking is inappropriate. In winter visitors are recommended to bring warm clothes, to avoid frostbite whilst waiting for sniffing activities to be completed.


• Violations of personal space will not be tolerated. The sofa by the front window belongs to me. Gail is the only other person allowed to sit there. Visitors who disobey this rule will be growled at, unremittingly and without exception, until they move.


• Visitors are not encouraged to linger in the kitchen chatting, if all the food has been eaten. The tile floor is cold and I would prefer that everyone moves into the front room (provided of course that the aforementioned personal space rules are adhered to).


• When expressing admiration for my good looks, personality, temperament and general cuteness, restraint is not required, and feelings may be expressed by tummy tickling, stroking and adoring looks. This picture of recent visitors Jo and Jan illustrates an acceptable attitude.