A Baby Story: Part 1

Greyson is 10 weeks old today, and I am determined to do better about blogging in an attempt to remember all of those 'little things' that I don't think I'm ever going to forget, but then I do.  First up on the docket? Greyson's birth story.

So...throughout the course of my pregnancy with 'Bob' I was determined to let the wee babe come on his own timetable, without 'help' of being induced. When I was about 38 weeks it suddenly occurred to me how many of my friends (aka: my backup) were going out of town, and how I really would be in a tough spot if the baby decided to come when Nathan was gone.  Contrary to popular belief, some of the cities Nathan flies into do not have flights coming and going around the clock. Thus, if Nathan arrived in a city mid-afternoon and there wasn't a flight out until the next day, it might not work so well if I went into labor between said times. Then there was the issue about how sick I was. It was back to throwing up, constant fatigue, constant pain (my hips were doing something funky that did not feel awesome), the heartburn, as well as some other ailments that may or may not be socially acceptable to bring up in mixed company.  To sum it up, I was seriously miserable. And so I confess, when I went in on Monday to my almost-39-week appointment, I inquired about the possibility about being induced, and was given the green light. It was scheduled for Thursday June 27 at 7:00am.

Thursday came and the craziness began.  Nathan's family's big Hall-Clan reunion was starting that evening, and Nathan's parents were taking Tanner and Preston to it. They would have preferred to drive over either on Wednesday night or Thursday morning, but thanks to an insistent daughter in law, that didn't happen. I really, really wanted to boys to be able to come see us in the hospital with the new baby before they left town, so his parents agreed to wait until babe arrived to skip town. At 6:00am my phone rang, and it was a nurse at the hospital. Apparently multiple women had come in during the wee morning hours and were in labor, so they were wondering if I would mind coming in later that morning--they would call me when they were ready for me. I was thrilled with this arrangement, as I was a complete bundle of nerves, and welcomed the chance to have a more relaxed morning.  Around 10:00am the hospital called and told me to come on in, and we arrived there at 11.

Nobody seemed to be in a big hurry, and nothing really started happening until about 12:30.  Daniel had told me to request the numbing medicine before getting my IV, so I did, and it was glorious! A little while later Dr. Grabinski came in, chatted with us, and broke my water. They started me on a low dose of pitocin, then left us to ourselves for the next several hours--just coming in to increase my pitocin every so often. Sometime late in the afternoon I had them give me a dose of Fentynal which made me loopy and happy for a whopping 20 minutes. I was hoping to get my epidural during the time, but it didn't happen. It wasn't too terribly long afterwards that the anesthesiologist came in to give me the epidural though. I cannot say enough good things about this anesthesiologist--whose name was Noelle. I loved her. I didn't love the numbing shots, but I made it through. With Tanner I didn't even feel them, with Preston I felt them--but just barely. With these, I definitely felt them.  Anyway, the epidural went great, and from here on out my details might be off a little off.  Somewhere in this time they checked me and I was at a 6.  Nathan's brother (a doctor) called and asked how far I was dilated. When Nathan told him I was at a 6, he commented that it would probably be about 3-4 more hours before the baby was born. I said that it would be another 30 minutes. After I'd gotten the epidural, Nathan and I settled in and watched a few episodes of The Office. Unfortunately, I'd laid on my left side, which ended up causing all of the medicine in the epidural to drip from my right side to my left side...which meant that my right side was not numb....not at all. It was about this time that they checked me and it was about time to push. I announced that I was NOT having this baby until I had a working epidural. Noelle came right down and worked her magic, and in no time I was good to go. Slightly nauseous, but good to go.

My nurse asked if I'd like some Zofran, but I declined, since I doubted it would work at this stage of nausea (I'd lived off Zofran for the past 9 months, so I was pretty familiar with how my body reacted to it). She informed me that what I'd had was in pill form, NOT IV form. Intrigued, I said 'Sure!' and shortly therafter discovered that Zofran in an IV is nothing short of awesome. That is, until it's pushing time. Then it's a different story. All of us in the room took bets on how big baby was going to be--my doctor said that there was no way the baby was going to be more than 7 lbs 5 oz. I laughed and told her she was wrong. I was guessing at least 8lbs 5 oz.  **Warning: Gross Details to Follow. Skip to the next paragraph if you'd like to avoid them** Anyway, I started pushing, which, just like everything else in this pregnancy, made me want to toss the contents of my stomach. So I did. I went through more of those funky little blue hospital puke bags than I could count. At one point, my doctor laughed and said that my body pushed just as well when I was throwing up as when I was actually concentrating on pushing. She also announced that she was changing her guess--that this baby was not a mere 7-pounder. After pushing for 31 minutes (the most pushing I've ever had to do), Baby number 3/aka "Bob" came into this world, weighing 8 pounds 14 ounces.  I hadn't even pushed out the placenta and Nathan had already called his parents so that they could come down with the boys to see the baby.  I wanted to see the placenta, and when the doctor showed it to me, she commented that I had ONE AND A HALF placentas! How crazy is that? We're wondering if Greyson was originally a twin for the first week or so, and then ate/absorbed the twin. :-)

Dr. Grabinski with my one and a half placentas

The umbilical cord. Tanner was fascinated with the whole concept of the umbilical cord, so we got a picture for him.

The next little bit was absolutely crazy. Tanner and Preston came (with Grandma and Grandpa) and absolutely loved their baby brother. They did have a rough time adjusting to calling him 'Greyson,' instead of 'Bob.'   They were only at the hospital with us for about 15 minutes, then they were on the road to John Day.  Meanwhile, I was struggling to nurse baby, since the nurse insisted I was doing it wrong. Somewhere during all this, Greyson's blood sugar wasn't at the level it was supposed to be, and his breathing was not right either. Thus, Greyson was taken down to the Special Needs Nursery (aka the NICU).

The doctor/nurses thought it was funny how anxious we were to find out how much he weighed

Proud Big Brothers!

First family picture: Party of FIVE!

Coming soon....

A blog post (or ten!) with our summer adventures....aka, a lot of baby posts. This includes the whole birth story and what not. My brother has very much motivated me to finally get this done!

Adventure Awaits!

Nathan on the birthday saddle at Texas Roadhouse

 Me and my pregnant self around 35 weeks

 I did not feel the need to wash any of the baby clothes before Tanner or Preston was born.  With this one, however, I pretreated them all (they were all yellowed and smelled a little interesting, probably from being in the attic, and not being worn for so long), washed them several times, folded them all, and neatly put them away.

The changing table all set up and ready to use

It really hit me tonight that we are going to be adding another member to our family. Another personality. A new person.  I think the reason this struck me is because this is such a different phase of our lives than we were in with either of our other two boys.  You wouldn't think it would be so different, since people have babies everyday from all phases of life. And when you look at how old we are, it wouldn't seem like such a difference. But it is.

Tanner arrived in our family 10 months after we were married.  Like any parents of the first child, we were clueless. Not only about parenting (as is to be expected), but most certainly still on how to live with each other and get along.  We really had no idea about what roles we each played in our family dynamic, or about tangible things like tracking expenses/budgeting, or about what kinds of things really and truly made us happy.  I was so frustrated after Tanner was born that my life no longer meant anything in a worldly and scholarly sense, because it was consumed with being a full time caregiver, which was not my idea of happiness. Nathan was able to pursue his dream of being a pilot, while I felt like I had been demoted for the next 18 years.  I was so bitter towards Nathan, and we argued a lot.  Him getting hired on with SkyWest and us moving to Utah was so challenging on us in so many ways.

When Preston was born we moved here to Pasco within 3 weeks, and it was still a struggle just to survive.  Having two kids was obviously a new challenge, as was adjusting to a new place to live and Nathan now being gone for 4 days every week, as opposed to shorter trips on occasional weeks.

Since Preston was born 4 1/2 years ago, and especially since Tanner was born almost 7 years ago, things have changed more than I ever imagined.  For one thing, both boys are potty trained! I would be lying if I said Nathan and I never disagree. When you put two extremely stubborn (sometimes ornery) people together, you're bound to have clashes. :-)  But we have learned a lot! I know that Nathan loves having a nice yard, as well as creating that nice yard.  He likes to referee soccer.  I love couponing.  I have not gone back to school for graduate studies, but it's okay. Because what I would have gone and studied before, probably would have made me miserable. Maybe not, but most likely so.  Instead, I coach high school cross country.  It has added a dimension to my life that I can now see was so poignantly missing.  It is so rewarding, and the interaction I have with the other coaches always makes me laugh.

I wonder whose personality 'Bob' will resemble. Tanner is so much like me--and we clash sometimes because of it. But he is also so smart when it comes to math and navigation--much like Nathan.  Preston is a charmer, a natural salesman, or politician. As his parents, he drives us crazy with how sly he is at avoidable unfavorable tasks. To those who encounter him outside of home, he is positively delightful and irressistable.  All four of us are four very distinct people, yet we've had 4 1/2 years to focus on learning who each other was, and what makes the others happy, or what makes the others tick.  My boys absolutely know that their mom loves Richland High school, coupons, and running.  Preston knows that his brother loves the Magic School Bus.  Nathan is well aware that Tanner loves chess, Preston loves Cream of Wheat, and that his wife is lousy at getting the laundry done.  We all know the different airplanes that various airlines that fly in into Pasco use, and we all love horchata.  I feel like, for as much as the boys push each others buttons and for as much as Nathan and I do things just to get a reaction out of one another, we genuinely look out for one another in our little family, and have learned a lot about how to live together.  This time around we have somewhat of an idea how to be parents.  The kids are probably in for more than a shock than they realize, but really, what is boils down to is that we are starting on a new adventure. An adventure that we are actually more excited for than terrified. An adventure which I should probably consider packing my bag for. Because, as Nathan and I have both learned, I am a terrible last minute packer...no matter how grand of an adventure it is.

Marriage 101

April is always a funny month for me, because that is the month Nathan proposed. It is also the month that I said yes. These two events were not on the same day though, lest you think they were.  Anyway, for some reason (maybe because it's April....or because I am pregnant and constantly musing.....oh wait, I am constantly musing even when I'm not cooking a baby) I've had a few thoughts I've been wanting to jot down before I forget.

To anyone out there who remembers and/or loves Runaway Bride, you will recall that the reason relationships never worked out for Maggie is because she was more hung up on being someone she wasn't than she was learning who she was and what she actually wanted. True story here: I used so many clips from this movie back in one of my BYU-I psych classes, and always felt like I related to the main character (Maggie) so much. This is ironic because even though I realized it, it would take years before I realized the magnitude of this comparison, or what to do about it.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about where we--Nathan and I--are in our lives.  Partly because this pregnancy has to many similarities to my pregnancy with Tanner in terms of when baby is due, what I'm craving, etc.  With this one I am so excited for baby to get here--which I am sure I was with Tanner too, but more in an "I'm so excited because this is just going to be the most quaint little life, and we're going to be the cutest little family."

When Tanner arrived here we had been married for TEN months. That's it folks. Ten months. Most of those were spent figuring out how to live with each other. And me throwing up. And me being a stressed out wreck. And moving twice. Add a new baby to that, throw in some postpartum, and you've got one less than ideal situation.  I remember when Tanner was only 2 weeks old when Nathan worked ALL DAY at the Portland Air show, and Tanner was up for 15 hours straight because I'd drunk a Coke to try to get rid of a headache. I was exhausted, tired, and crushed by nighttime because it hit me that I would never be able to be myself again, and instead would be dedicating the next 18 years of my life to raising this tiny person. Never again would I be on a cross country team, or ballroom, or have time to myself. Basically I was now a parent, and as such, could not do anything else.  When Nathan got hired the next year with SkyWest and started living his dream, I was more bitter than you could imagine. He was living his dream--which was pretty darn luxurious if you asked me--while I was stuck at home all the time with a 1 year old who threw up or had diarhhea daily, had no friends, and I managed a 77-unit mobile home park.  I developed some nasty anxiety and sleeping problems, and for some reason, Nathan and I rarely ever got along.  We had not even been married for two years during all of this! There was some pretty serious going on in Nathan's family at the time as well, which made things interesting.

That was six years ago, but it feels like an eternity ago.  To those who don't know me very well, I probably don't seem too different. I still complain and have my opinions, and yes, it's true that I will be battling most of those anxiety and sleeping issues my whole life.  But behind closed doors life paints such a different picture.  Where there was once nothing but arguing and crying, we laugh together and at each other. We call each other names, and we do things to get a reaction out of the other person.  

BUT we also incorporate things that make us happy.  Nathan referees high school soccer games, and he loves it.  I coach high school cross country and track--a job that makes me happy and which I constantly wonder how I lucked out so much. 

Boating last summer with our neighbors. It was such a fun day, just tubing and cruising the Mighty Columbia 

Baby thoughts

I am 18 weeks pregnancy with Baby Number 3, and had it confirmed this month that once again, we will be seeing lots of blue, and not so much pink.  I have had so many different emotions since finding out--finding out the gender, finding our we're pregnant, finding out lots of things. And, before this moment in time passes, I wanted to write them down.

The people to whom we have told the gender of our baby seem to look at me for a reaction. Am I happy? Am I disappointed? Was I hoping for a girl?

With Tanner, getting pregnant a month after getting married was more than a little shocking, and some days I was pretty upset about it. When I found out that I wasn't getting my little girl, I was in mourning. For MONTHS.  When he finally came, I loved him dearly, but remained green with jealousy when I saw other women with tiny bundles of pink.

However, with Preston, I was pretty much neutral. A girl would have been fine, but I thought that a brother would be perfect for Tanner. So many people said, "Oh.....I'm sorry," when we told them we were having baby boy number two. Other simlilar reactions were, "Well....you're young. You can still have more," or, "I'm sorry to hear that. It must be a disappointment." It infuriated me to no end, since I  saw no reason to mourn over the addition of someone who had technically been a member of our family even before this earthly life began!

Years went by, and finally when Preston was almost 3 we decided we were ready for another baby. BUT, I decided I was getting my girl. I was determined, and I told the Lord and pleaded with Him for a baby girl.  For the first time though, we didn't get pregnant right away. Or soon after. Or months after.  After awhile, I altered my pleas for a baby girl, and simply prayed for a baby. Still, months went by, and it got to the point that we realized that we might have to come to grips with the reality that we weren't able to have anymore kids. Now, I realize that for those couples who tried for years on end unsucessfully to conceive a child, a mere 14 months is nothing. But for someone who had a two-month old baby on their ONE year anniversary, 14 months with no results is more than a little dis-heartening.  My mantra after about 8 months became, "The surest way to find oneself in the depths of depression is to take a pregnancy test." Yes, I was more than a little frustrated.

But then one day in November I woke up and started to get ready to go to the Cross Country state meet, where I had a group of high school runners competing. On a whim, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I don't know who was more surprised by the results--me or Nathan. It was such a happy day. My optimism did wane quite a bit when the sickness came though, but I was still grateful deep down for this miracle.

Now, I am aware that it is a blessing that I did not get pregnant before now. With track, then cross country summer training, and the cross country season, I could not have handled the sickness and all that. I feel the Lord's hand in this. I also feel that, if after 14 months of trying, and praying, and pleading, and fasting, that the Lord has heard our prayers. And, if I were to be angry at Him for sending me the 'wrong' gender, I would be incredibly ungrateful, and so very immature.  I love this baby.  I truly do. He is wanted, he has been waited for, and he is a part of our family--I can feel it.

Happy New Year!!

My favorite photo from our trip to SLC. Preston and Nathan walking back to the car near the Conference Center

I am normally not a big New Year's resolution maker, especially not to the point of writing them down. But.....I have the desire this year to set some goals. Not that I can't set goals other times of the the year, but perhaps the desire is caused by hormones (why has it taken me until my 3rd pregnancy to realize that I can blame everything on pregnancy? It's glorious!)  What I mean by that is, for the last 8 weeks I have been about as far from productive as I feel I've been in a very long time. I've had no energy, no motivation, lots of nausea, and, I kid you not, my mantra has been "I just don't care." Add to that the typical Tri-City winter weather, which is gray, cold, and extremely dreary, and it's a pretty good equation for feeling "blah." I always dread the days when it has gotten completely dark by 4:30 at night......less than an hour after Tanner arrives home from school!  

The nausea is still here, although it is calming down a bit. The weather is still dreary, and it still gets dark rather early--although it is not 4:30 in-the-afternoon-early.  Perhaps the most important factor that has changed is that suddenly it does bother me that my kitchen table hasn't been wiped off in days. It does bother me that I exercise so rarely lately.  I do have motivation to do things, and to not be a total hermit!

So, with that, I am taking this opportunity (and motivation to write a blog post) to jot down my 2013 Resolutions:

*Read the Book of Mormon this year, and make scripture reading a priority. I have completely fallen off this wagon. And, being in Primary playing the piano and often missing Relief Society activities due to Nathan's schedule, I think my spiritual intake is pretty much zilch. And, I know that I need to change that. I also know that it will be really tough at first, just as setting any new habit is. But, I also know that it will be worth it.

*Pick up running/exercising/etc again! I have a treadmill, I have a 4 year old who loves walks, I NEED to be out there. I crave it both mentallly and physically. I would like to be in shape enough to run throughout this pregnancy, and to run with my cross country kids this summer and fall, after the baby is born.

*Make a diligent effort to keep the house cleaner. This might require a cleaning schedule, which makes me shudder. I visited my cousin's house last month and was in awe of how clean and neat it was. Now, Nathan will tell you that being neat and tidy is not a talent of mine. Not there. Again, I am putting an emphasis on EFFORT, not perfection.

*Have more patience and love for my children. And Nathan. And others in general. Why is it so much easier to look for the negative than the positive? Is it because we let ourselves get that way? I don't know, but I think this boils down to prayer, and changing one's attitude. Wish me luck.

And with that, I will call it good. Another resolution/goal of mine is to do a 2012 digitally-designed scrapbook (like I did for 2009), and I am a whopping 2 pages into it. So, I think I'll try to go hammer away at it for a few minutes before calling it a night.

From the mouth of Preston

Tidbits from Preston lately:

[setting: dinnertime, where we are eating ham, fried potatoes, and green beans]

Preston: Mom, where does ham come from?
Me: (gulp) Um, well, from pigs
Preston: Well, how do the pigs make the ham?
Me: Hmm, well.....maybe you should ask Dad

[interjection: Dad is away on a trip, so I didn't feel TOO guilty saying that]

Preston: Well, next time I see some pigs, I am going to ask them how they make ham. Does that sound like a good idea?
Me: Yes....definitely.

[setting: in the kitchen]

Preston: Hey Mom, would you mind if I went potty right now?

[setting: Preston did not get his way, and is throwing a fit because I did not give into him]
Preston: Mom!! You.......are NO FUN!!!!

Lessons from Tanner

There are some things that just need to be written down so as not to be forgotten, and these things definitely fall into that category.

They love the aquarium, including feeding the fish and even helping me vacuum it out!

Last week Tanner made something at school that he was so excited about. When I picked him up in the afternoon, he quickly put the hand-colored bag in the front seat and whispered to me that it was a surprise for Preston; a Christmas present he had made himself. Once we arrived home, the gift was put under the tree, and Preston was told that he was NOT to open it before Christmas. However, when bedtime came, it was discovered that Preston had opened it up, and Tanner was so upset. The object inside was a hand-painted ornament with snowmen on it, and I felt so sad for Tanner.

A few days later, he came home and announced that he had something for Preston, but that it was "Preston's last chance to be good." I didn't think much of it until several hours later when Nathan told me the whole story. Tanner's teacher had given each of the kids in her class a book, as her Christmas present to them. Tanner's first thought was to share it with his brother, and he ended up giving it to him as a Christmas gift. While some might consider it re-gifting, I think that root of the story is that Tanner doesn't have much in the way of worldly possessions that he could give as a gift, so he gave what he had, and isn't that exactly what the Savior taught?

Tonight Preston was being naughty, and had made a big mess in their room. Unfortunately, it wasn't discovered until late tonight, which resulted in me yelling at him and barking out orders as to what he needed to put away. Without being asked, Tanner took the hangers on the floor, and Preston's shirt, and he hung it up--a task we struggle with getting Tanner to do with his own clothes. Then, he put Preston's pants in the pants drawer, and his dirty laundry in the hamper--all on his own.

My kiddos on the first day of school 

I have had many battles with Tanner this fall, on many different subjects. However, if there is one thing I have noticed about Tanner it is that he is an incredible brother to Preston, and I can only hope that Preston one day realizes how lucky he is to have a brother like Tanner. I think I could take more than a few lessons from Tanner on kindness, which is why I am writing a blog post about this to remember.

Ramblings Regarding School Violence

I spent this morning getting ready for church, with so many thoughts echoing through my mind, all relating to this most recent school massacre. And, in an attempt to calm my mind, even if just for a few moments, I need to get some of my thoughts out.

It was with horror and shock that I read of the Sandy Hook Elementary tragedy.  I feel so much love and sorrow for the families who are now one family member less. Families who no longer have their first grader getting ready for bed at night. I feel humbled that I--at least for today--still have my sweet, innocent 6-year old boy. I'm scared to send him to school--which is not something I have ever felt. I am overcome with emotion when I read through the list of victims, seeing that one of the children was only 2 days younger than Tanner. That mother was probably in a hospital the same time I was in a hospital with my perfect baby. I remember wanting to keep him safe from every possible danger. That mother might have thought those same thoughts. And yet, after only 6 years, she is now forced to say goodbye to her sweet child. We as Latter Day Saints have a knowledge of eternal families, but the sting of death--especially the sudden deaths of wonderful people--is real, and is cruel.

I read a quote not long ago that is from Billy Graham's daughter. It says, "For years we have told God we didn't want Him in our schools. We didn't want Him in our government and we didn't want Him in our finances and God was being a perfect gentleman in doing just what we asked Him to do.

Has this quote ever had more truth than it does today? On the one hand, I say yes, it is absolutely true. But in the stories that are now being shared about the true heroes of December 14, 2012, I might disagree. In a tribute to one of the teachers at Sandy Hook, a commenter remarked that God has given us agency, and is not going to confiscate that agency to choose--even from those who are evil. And, as we have witnessed, pure evil was in the school that day.  But, that same individual who made that remark went on to say that if you look at those teachers--some who paid the price with their own life--who did whatever it took to save the lives of their precious students, and who cradled their students heads with her hands and told them she loved them? When someone asks where God was that day, the evidence is right there. He was shining through those individuals who showed such love and charity that day, one can only say that they were truly angels on earth.

I am filled with sadness and mourning at this time, but also with sheer anger.  Thirteen years ago, in April of 1999, I was a freshman at Taylorview Junior High School. I was home sick one day, and was channel surfing when all of the news stations began showing footage of a shooting in a high school in Colorado. The high school was Columbine High School, and the gunmen were students there--who were only several years older than myself. In the weeks that followed, I was obsessed with this tragedy, devouring every magazine and newspaper article I could find.  I was mortified by the harsh reality of it all, but was also intrigued. The more I read of the young men who brought forth this heinous act, the more I discovered that they were loners, outsiders, people who weren't considered "cool enough" to be invited to things that perhaps they wanted to be part of. As someone who was excluded, ridiculed, and bullied in previous years, I felt a strange understanding to some degree of feeling so lonely, yet angry at those who had looked down on me for so many years. Never had I--nor did I--feel so violently inclinded that I would want to take anyone's life however, other than my own. It's true--for one summer when I was mere twelve years old, I wished that I could be done with this mortal prison, one of which I was frequently ostracized by my peers.   What I found intriguing with this massacre, was how many people were scratching their heads, going "How on earth would someone be filled with such anger? What would motivate someone to do this? How could this have been prevented?" I saw such questions and pure evidence that these writers and commentaters had never felt such pangs of exclusion, nor had they been tormented and ridiculed by peers. While I did not condone the gunmen's actions, I sincerely hoped that people would see what terrible things could come from bullying.

Within a year I had moved onto high school. I found new friends, I had a boyfriend, and I joined the track team and later the cross country days. Though I realize that not many people would say this, I absolutely loved my life--and school--by the time I was a few months into my sophomore year. I still wasn't the most popular, nor was I the smartest or anything incredible. But I was happy. My friends were fun, and I discovered that I actually enjoyed running and being outside, especially while enjoying the company of high school boys. :-)  Now fast forward more than ten years. I still stay involved with high school cross country--although this time I am a coach. I have a husband who treats me like royalty, I live in a great community, and overall, I am happy. Bad days happen, as do bad weeks or even months. But isn't that just part of life?

I return to the most recent school shooting--and every other school shooting in the past 10 years. I no longer have even a shred of understanding or sympathy from those heartless individuals who carry out such attacks. It infuriates me that all of these people who do such senseless acts of violence have bought into that delusion that this is it. Death is the way out--both for themselves and for those innocent people around them. These people were already secluded from society, and have only further alienated themselves by immersing themselves in pure drivel--such as video games. It makes my blood boil when I think about how I personally know how it feels to be excluded and called "non-normal," and yet, I persevered and know for a fact that we as humans have a choice on what we choose to do with the trials we're handed.

And yet, deep down, it also troubles me that we as parents are not doing enough to educated our children about how to think beyond 'getting even." Or, we go to whatever ridiculous lengths it takes to make sure our child IS popular--whether it be based on the clothes they wear, the car they drive, the rules we govern them by, etc. We as parents are wrapping packages for birthdays and Christmas filled with violent video games for our children (and husbands).  While my own husband and myself do not purchase any sort of video games for our home, I admit that there are things we could do better at with our children, especially when it comes to discussing bullying, ostracizing, and violence.

And with that I will close this long rambling of thoughts. I will continue to pray for those affected by the recent events, and will also take this opportunity to do a lot more of invited God into my life, and into my children's lives.

Seasonal Thoughts

These days, we are doing your typical Christmas activities.....trimming the tree, the house--both inside and out, and making holiday goodies. However, the thing that isn't so typical is that the tree was decorated by Nathan (and the boys). The house has been totally decorated by Nathan, and the holiday goodies have been made by Nathan. Guess who married a Christmas fanatic and didn't know it?!? Actually, it's kind of been really nice! I want my kids to have a good "Christmas-y" experience, and Nathan is ensuring that it happens. :-)  One thing that is becoming a favorite thing to do at night is to drive around looking at Christmas lights.

Along with everything else Christmas, we've had Christmas music playing A.LOT. The primary kids in our ward learned The Little Drummer Boy, and now Tanner absolutely loves the song, which is fun. Nathan bought the Tabernacle Choir Christmas concert with David Archuleta, and that's been a fun CD to listen to. But the Christmas songs that for some reason on my mind lately?
Baby....It's Cold Outside
and a little bit of Baby, All I Want for Christmas is You
and don't forget
"My Baby's Gone.....I have no friends.....to wish me greetings, once again"

Another thing that's kept us busy lately is the usual Christmas shopping. I actually went out and did quite a bit of Black Friday Thursday shopping with my friend Lindsay on Thanksgiving night. It was such a blast going with a friend, and I managed to get almost everything I wanted! It was a good time. My last noteworthy shopping trip was just a few days ago though, to the grocery store. They were having a fabulous sale on asaparagus, and I LOVE the stuff, so Preston and I got enough to last us for a little bit. I did make some other purchases as well though. Grapefruit, salad, grape tomatoes, and pickles green olives and ice cream.

But enough of the nitty gritty. How about some recent pictures of what's been going on in the Hall household?


The Thanksgiving table runner I made. Mere child's play for my sew-talented friends, but an accomplishment for a novice such as myself.

 The toy room!!! For months I have been debating what to do with the boys artwork, since I knew I didn't want it all over my fridge, but it deserved to be displayed, rather than stuck in a drawer where nobody would see it. Enter: Pinterest.

The wire holding up the artwork is from Ikea. One of my cross country runners' moms who came over to Portland for our meet was going to stop at Ikea on her way back home, and I begged her to get these for me. She did, and I was so very grateful!! I LOVE how they turned out!

 These are all of the random frames I've been collecting all year. I already had black spray paint, so I painted all of them, then had Nathan help me cut cork board to fit inside of them. I am pretty much in love with them, and am ridiculously lucky to have a husband who puts up with all my requests (believe me, there are a lot), and who still lets me go on Pinterest!

Snuggling with Preston after Thanksgiving dinner. I was actually going through the Black Friday ads, but Preston wanted to come sit with me. He wasn't feeling very good, which was unfortunate.

This picture was taken maybe 15 minutes after the previous picture. I wasn't kidding when I said he didn't feel well. Unfortunately, it would be a full 3 days later (and seeing 20 cousins) before he would be diagnosed with Strep throat and get on antibiotics.

Tanner started chess lessons a few weeks ago! My friend's husband is teaching him, and in return, I'm teaching their daughter piano. SUCH a great trade, since Tanner loves chess (and is pretty good at it!), and their daughter loves piano (and is doing quite well I must say). Too bad for Tanner he doesn't have any family members who are proficient at chess and can play with him! Hence the reason he tried giving Preston chess lessons. I don't think Preston is quite ready for the Masters yet......or whatever the chess tournament is called.

He may be cute,but my Pookie Bear Preston spends a fair amount of time in time-out.....as you can see here. I believe this time out picture was brought to you by cheese. As in, Preston throwing the cheese across the dining room.

Just in case there is some poor soul out there who doesn't know what asparagus looks like, here is a lovely picture of it for you. I may or may not have had any clue what it was until Nathan and I were engaged.

Oh, and this is what I found on November 3rd.....same day my girls cross country team ran at the STATE meet!

A picture of what we we saw yesterday, December 11th. What you are actually seeing is a parasite that has caused me to feel rather ill lately. The doctor assures me that it will be okay, but that this parasite is going to get bigger, and won't actually come out until approximately July 3, 2013, which just happens to be 2 days after Tanner's birthday. At the time of writing this blog post, the parasite you see is approximately 11 weeks, or 29 weeks from when we suspect it will leave its current location and enter the world.

Bathtime is a favorite around here, and it entertains the troops for a good long while. An added benefit is that occasionally the children get washed with soap while they are in the bath, thus leaving them clean!

And there you have it! Our lives condensed into a nutshell! Although it might be more fitting if I also had a picture of my bed. And our piano. If I'm not in my bed, I'm teaching piano lessons. I have 14 students right now, and it definitely keeps me busy. I'm also taking music theory lessons, which I am enjoying. I haven't felt very well this last month or so, so teaching piano and just taking care of the boys has about worn me out!

Grateful for: Food

I'm struggling for ideas and motivation when it comes to blogging, and what I want the purpose of my blog to be. Is it to show my mom pictures? Is it to help me remember things? Is it so I feel less guilty about always being a ghost blog-looker? I need to figure this out soon. At any rate, there might be some exciting posts this week, so stay tuned. For those 2 readers of you that are out there.

 

I've been thinking these past few weeks about things I am grateful for and specific moments that have had an impact in my life. Today I was thinking about how I am so blessed, to have never known what it like to be without food. I grew up in a home where we always had three meals a day, and I had a mom who cooked our family a meal every night. My husband came from the same type of situation, and our children are also growing up abundantly blessed. I want to toot my horn and say that much of our edible bounty that we enjoy is because of savvy shopping, home canning, and knowing how to cook. But, the reality is that for a time in our life when we made NOTHING, we were on government programs like food stamps. And I am truly grateful for that. And, I am grateful for parents who taught Nathan and me how to clip coupons, shop sales, cook, and bottle fresh produce. I'm lucky to have a husband who insists on us having a garden, and does pretty much, um, all the work (note to self: must do SOMETHING to help with the garden next year).

Nathan showing off our ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY SIX pounds of peaches we picked this summer. Unfortunately, this was shortly after cross country started, so poor Nathan had to do a lot of the canning. The boys helped quite a bit too, which is awesome. They (and Nathan) are enjoying having so many bottled peaches to enjoy these days.

Tanner--and Nathan--picking those 196 pounds of peaches. I did think it was really neat that my boys helped pick the fruit, can the fruit, and now they eat the fruit. They did end up in a snafu on the way home with Nathan's parents though, but that is a story for another day. Something about their pickup breaking down on a mountain and all of them riding in a tow truck. Oh the memories my children will have of their childhood. :-)

Tanner proudly displaying home bottled apricot marmalade that he helped with, along with a fresh berry parfait, made with berries that we picked.

OK, enough foodie pictures. I didn't want to bore you all with another picture-less post. Now for the story that has me motivated enough to actually write a blog post.

When I was in college at BYU-Idaho we had 1:00pm church, which was a beast on fast Sundays. One Fast Sunday in particular though, will always be remembered. My roommates and I were so hungry by the end of church, but we were dreading going home because we knew that our apartment was almost completely out of food. This is one of the only times in my life that I have had nearly-bare cupboards. 

Well, 4:00pm came, and church let out, and we all looked at each other and started to head for home,dreading seeing just how bare our cupboards and freezer really were. As were started downstairs in the Manwaring Center, students were already lining up to get into the cafeteria for their Sunday dinner.  Our FHE brothers were some of the people in line, since they lived in the mens' dorms, and as such, had no kitchens but were required to buy a meal plan.  We hung our heads and begged them to let us each use a meal to be able to eat, telling them that we would pay them back.

They were more than happy to treat us to Sunday dinner (did I mention that Sunday dinner's at the BYU-Idaho cafeteria were really really good?), and told us they would certainly not let us pay them back! The gratitude I felt at that moment and the relief I felt was like no other. I don't remember what we ate that day, but I remember that it all tasted incredible, and that we had so much fun sitting with our FHE brothers, talking and laughing with them.

You never know what kind of an impact you can have on someone's life. "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me" (Matthew 25:40)

Christmas 2011: Random Thoughts

I found this half-written post from last year, and I have no idea where I was going with it.....so I'm just going to go ahead and post it.....LOL!!

So, Christmas 2011 didn't quite follow the mental blueprint I had in my mind when I thought about how it was going to go. But....I am happy to say that it was **AWESOME!!**  I got an early Christmas gift courtesy of SkyWest Airlines. You see, sometimes being married to a pilot sucks. Husband gone at nights, a paycheck that is comparable to what most people make before going to college, have to rely on stand-by flights if you want to travel, etc etc. But sometimes being married to a pilot is the best thing ever. Like when your pilot husband gets displaced. For 2 weeks in a row.  Quick definition for those of you not in the-know: Displaced is when you get pulled off of your scheduled trip so that some newbie can fly in your place, all the while you are still getting paid to do the job that you aren't actually at. In other words, getting paid to stay home. Or, getting paid for one trip so that you can pick up ANOTHER trip and get paid for it too. Yeah, Nathan got displaced for several weeks in December, so this was a definite plus financially, and sanity-wise, it was nice there too.

Anyway, about Christmas.  Our microwave died.  We bought a new one. It was expensive. Nathan's brothers Darrin and Derrick helped install it though, which was nice. Plus, Darrin gets the military discount at Lowe's, so that was nice too. :-)  I still giggle a little when I think about how Tanner and Preston would tell people about their Christmas, and it included the microwave breaking and getting a new one.

Nathan's brother Darrin, his wife Connie, their son Matthew (9) and their dogs Jazzy (Yorkie) and Max (golden lab) drove to Pasco all the way from San Antonio, TX!  We had a lot of fun with them, and I am afraid I have falled madly in love with another man. Err, dog.  Max is so awesome.  Love him. LOVE HIM. And I am not a dog person--so that should tell you something.

Preston Dean

 Man I love this kid. I love my other kid too, don't you worry. But Preston has said and done some blog-worthy things this week, and I figured I should give into the motivation I have before it leaves.

So....we went camping last night with our good buds the Fackrells. As soon as we arrived at the campsite, we headed down to the water to play in the river.  I noticed that Preston wasn't getting too involved in the fun, so I asked him why. His reponse was "I can't play yet. I don't have sunscreen on." Background info: Lately after I get their pool set up and such at our house, I usually holler, "Do NOT go play in the water until you have sunscreen on!!!!! GOT IT??" I think they got it.

Tonight we went to the bread store outlet where I had a $10 voucher. Basically my goal was to just find 10 items on the dollar rack so as to get the most bang for my buck. The boys were with me, and I noticed that they had mini-bagels, which I pointed out to the kids. They were excited and said they wanted to get them, so I tossed them into the cart. Then a few minutes later I discovered some full-size cinnamon raisin bagels. I showed those to the boys, who seemed a little leery. I asked if they wanted them, and one of them replied, "So....if we get these bagels can we still get the other ones?"  You can tell someone has been told once or 11 times that "You can have THIS or THAT.....BUT NOT BOTH!" Also, I think this one was  Tanner quote, not actually a Preston quote.

After the bread store we made our way to WinCo. Tanner stayed with Nathan to go run and errand and Preston came with me. He had a grand time counting out apples for me and going through the bulk food section, where we spent a lot of time. And money. One of the things I had to do was re-stock my personal candy supply (I may have a slight addiction).  I had gotten gummy bears, black jelly beans, and taffy for myself when Preston picked out a candy he wanted. For a split second I debated telling him that he didn't need candy.....but then I realized the irony there. He left the bulk section with a bag of orange slice candies (his choice) which he plans to share with his brother.

I called Preston "Sweet thing" last night, and he, trying to be funny, said it back to me. Except it came out "Sweet Sing," since he hasn't quite mastered the "TH" sound. It's pretty awesome.

Top 10: Mother's Day

Mommy dearest at age 4

I have decided to follow a theme for 2012, and that theme is "Top 10." That being said, don't be surprised if you see some more of them this year.

Due to several factors, I have chosen to give my mom a "Blog-card" this year for Mother's day. Those factors include me having the good thought to get the card in the mail earlier this week.......and then not remembering to actually do it until last night.  Also, it gives me a good reason to journal-blog.

And so it is that I shall now present 

The Top Ten Gifts my Mom has Given Me

I have no idea how old my mom is here.
I see some serious proof that Will and Daniel are indeed her children though

10.  Coupons. I could go on, but it would be like beating a dead horse.  My mom couponed, it was just something you did, and now I do it.  OK minor detail to interject: when Nathan and I first moved to Portland I was telling my mom about our new digs and what was near it, and I mentioned Rite Aid. When she heard that--along with the fact that you don't pay sales tax in Oregon--she told me that I HAD to start couponing, or at least taking advantage of their rebates. So, being the dutiful child I am, I did, and have not looked back.

9.  California Memories- If you read my recent post about my grandma, then this is going to be slightly repetetive.  But, that is alright.

In June 2009, the weekend of Uncle Jim's funeral. I think this is the
last picture I have with my mom and my grandma.

My mom took us down to California every other summer, where we saw so many neat things. Here is the kicker though: all of those trips with us kids were without my dad. He always stayed home due to work and several other factors.  Now that I am a parent--and have traveled without Nathan a time or two--I am seeing how stressful and exhausting it can be!  At any rate, I have been able to see the places she lived, ride on Grandpa McDonnel's sailboat, and later, visit his grave, as well as see all sorts of places like the Rose Bowl, Fashion Island, Hollywood, Tijuana, and lots more that I am inevitably forgetting.  Random interjection:  Whenever we would go visit Grandpa McDonnel's grave, Grandma would always show us where she would be buried, and talk about how she was going to be next to her friend Elise.  Every time she would say something like that, I would think "I'm sure you will pass away SOMEday.....but that is just crazy talk, because you're Grandma! You can't die!"  It was surreal this spring to be at the cemetary with my mom (and my dad!! That alone was surreal having my dad there), and realizing that the day I never thought would come, had actually come.  I had been coming to that very place for years, but couldn't fathom Grandma not being with us.  And, even though the trip home was nothing short of miserable, I am so glad I went.

8.  Her Attention to Detail: this awesome picture is a self-portrait of Tanner. And his tongue.  My mom has been concerned with Tanner's oral issues from the time he was born. He wouldn't take a binky, nursing was a nightmare, and he had/has a huge tongue.  As soon as we moved to Pasco, she insisted we get him into speech therapy, or at least get him tested. A lot of friends of family thought we were crazy, but we did it, and are so glad we did. Tanner's speech is so much better than it was before, and I credit my mom's vigilance and her urging us to be pro-active.
My mom is an avid newspaper reader (and watcher of the news), and always knows what is going on in the community.  Just the last time I visited-in January-she had found a free pass the local athletic club was doing, which allowed me to go do some Zumba. :-)  I am often telling my friends about different things going on in town that they had no idea about, which reminds me of my mom. I suppose I can add my crazy love of reading the newspaper to her too. I just lucked out when I married someone who had delivered the newspaper for years, and also views the newspaper as something as necessary as food, water and shelter.

My brother Will and me after we ran the Teton Dam half marathon
in Rexburg, ID in June 2011

7.  Moderation in All Things: wow, where to even begin?  This was something my mom referred to a lot, which has seriously become my motto for life.  In the food department, much of what she taught me can be found in THIS blog post. Basically, there is such thing as too much of a good thing--or a bad thing--so don't overdo it.

Family picture my junior or senior year in high school

6.  My relationship with food: I should clarify that my mom is NOT the reason I am the world's pickiest eater. But she is the reason I am hypervigilant about a balanced diet and making sure that we were getting enough protein.  My mother in law (and even Nathan at first) were a bit startled at my insistence on having EVERY food group at dinner--not just on Sundays. I confess, I have a lot of room for improvement in having better dinners on nights when Nathan is gone, but I do work at making sure we eat a pretty balanced diet during the day. My mom didn't cook everything from scratch.  I think she came pretty close though. I didn't grow up with homemade bread and rolls, but I grew up with homemade chicken stock, home bottled fruit, homemade desserts, and the list goes on.  When I got to college and my roommate put "gravy mix" on the list of things to buy, I was shocked to discover that you could buy a MIX! This is ironic because my mom, who made excellent gravy (still the best gravy I know of) taught my brother Will how to make it, but I never cared to learn. So, once I learned you could buy package gravy mix, by golly, I was able to "make gravy."  Just last week I made gravy by myself for the FIRST time, although it was my mother in-law's recipe and not my own mom's. Note to self: learn how to make mom's gravy!
I have a good friend up here in Pasco who actually has her masters' degree in Dietetics, and I have to be honest, it is soo fun having a foodie friend who is as passionate (and more knowledgeable) than me when it comes to eating a nutrient-rich, balanced diet.

Mom with Preston when he was about 2 hours old

5.  Money Isn't Everything: I wasn't sure how to title this one, since there are a lot of thoughts on this one. My other choice was "Doing What you Love."  Nathan has pursued his dream of being an airline pilot, even though we have not seen much money from this job.  Whenever I complain to my mom about it, she reminds me that is is much more important that he loves what he do, than if he is doing something he hates but bringing in lots of money.  I now coach cross country, and tell people that it is the best job in the world, mainly because it is something I absolutely LOVE to do.  This spring I decided to branch out a little and coach track. It has been a......learning experience, to say the least.  One thing that has been a little different about it is the fact that I am a volunteer. I have a lot of people ask why I would do something that I am not getting paid for.  But let me tell you this: for years my mom volunteered at Longfellow (the elementary school my brothers and me went to), in my brothers' classes, and later on in the library when she had no kids at the school.  She spent years volunteering at Deseret Industries in the humanitarian room.  She has taught me that there is more to life than just doing jobs that are attached to a paycheck.

My parents, way-back-when. Couldn't tell you if they were dating,
engaged, or married here.

4.  Agency: my parents were rather strict with me in some areas, some of which differed from what freedoms my brothers were allowed, but.......we aren't going there.  I have been thinking recently about how my mom let me choose what to wear. She never said how long my shorts had to be or how big the straps had to be on my shirts.  Yes, I wore dresses to dances that didn't have sleeves (they had thick straps, but not sleeves). I wore shorts that were pretty darn short.  And when I did track and cross country, I wore what I wanted to.  The only thing I remember my parents saying about my clothes was when I went to a stake dance.  The dress I chose to wear was shorter than what my dad thought I should wear, and he told me. I didn't really care, and wore it anyway. At the dance, the woman at the door told me my dress was too short and that I was going to have to go home to change. The funny thing is that I had to ride home with the bishop's son, who had worn jeans (which were not allowed).  My dad laughed when I told him what had happened, and kept saying, "Someone needs to give that woman a MEDAL for standing up to ornery teenagers!" I don't know if my parents just got lucky that they never really had to enforce the clothes thing with me, since I went to BYU-Idaho (on my own free will), and their dress code governed me--not my parents. I am not saying that I was the epitome of a modest, obedient child. Because I wasn't. But I have always appreciated the freedom my parents gave me, and that is was a choice that I was given. I wasn't told what I could wear.

3.  Thrift Stores- again, if you read the post about Grandma McDonnel, you already knew this one.  My mom has always been a thrift store shopper, and while I may not have always loved how large the percentage was of secondhand clothes in my closet, I somehow came away with liking thrift stores.  A rule my mom had growing up was that whatever I picked out at a thrift store was on her tab.  This may have contributed to my liking thrift stores. :-)  Even now though, when we visit Idaho, I always pack my latest thrift store finds, and look forward to showing them off to her. Many a time I have called her after Value Village's 50% sales and excitedly told her about my finds.  I was so excited to tell her about the store near me in Tacoma where they sold their stuff by the POUND.
**I had to laugh because when I was putting together pictures for this post, the folder I was putting them in already had the logo for Fiesta Foods.  I took that as an omen, so I am using it. :-) When my mom came to visit me is Pasco, I was excited to show her Yoke's--the grocery store near me. Well, she wasn't too impressed. However, we did end up going to Fiesta Foods, a grocery store in downtown Pasco that is, um, rather 'cultured.' My mom was a big, big fan of Fiesta Foods!

2.  Domestic Skills: OK, so I did not learn to make homemade bread from my mom.  But that might be the ONLY domestic skill I didn't learn from her.  Well, there are a few more, but they are due to me not wanting to listen, not her not trying to teach me (ie: gravy making).  My mom is another Heloise (or as Will says, 'Hullo Hel-loys).  She knows about every stain remover there is when it comes to laundry. She knows how to clean, she knows how to use every bit of a chicken.  My mom knows how to cook like scratch like nobody else.  Heaven knows I do much better at finding ways to buy "luxury" things (like pre-shredded cheese, boneless skinless chicken breasts and chocolate milk) than I do at being as frugal as her. I got in trouble from her when she came to visit because I poured the sugar water out of a canning jar when we had eaten all the pears that were in the sugar water.  She knows how to "Waste Not, Want Not" with the best of them!

1.  And finally, the number one gift I have received from my mom is........

A certain red-headed, Irish tempered little man who goes by the name of Preston Dean!  OK, maybe he wasn't given to me by my mom, but I think of her when I see him and his bright red hair.  And apparently many of Preston's antics are similar to my own and what I put my mom through. :-)

At Preston's blessing in 2008

Happy Mother's Day mom!  I love you! As I am typing this both boys keep asking when we are going to go visit Grandma Kitty!

Preston at the 4th of July parade in Idaho Falls last summer