Just Like Tides

I'm supposed to get up at 9.30a.m tomorrow. haha, well... i have a feeling that i might not be able to make it. I haven't been having the motivation to get up in the mornings recently. And i dislike this attitude of mine. Horrible. I love mornings. and i love the night.

Because the morning and the night is the time when i can start my day and end my day with God... it makes me feel complete. To wake up to a day knowing that God is in full control of my life- and to end it by sharing with Him the things that i have learnt, the actions that i have did that i am proud of or ashamed of.

Haha, i don't know when i sound too full of myself sometimes. I am not a self-less girl. I care about my own feelings. When i am angry i think of ways to rebuke the party who made me angry. When i am sad i think that nobody would understand me. Some of you prolly don't really know this side of me, some of you would know.

But I thank God because no matter what my feelings are, as long as i entrust them to God, i know that He will empower me to take control of it as i choose to put Him as the main focus. Only God can transform my heart of anger into a heart of love.

Only when i look to Jesus Christ can i genuinely serve my fellow brothers and sisters. For being a leader for God is not to become a superior, but to become a "doormat"...

Matthew 20:28 (NKJV)
"just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."

And i've realised that i drain myself out very easily when i try to lead at camps because i'm focusing too much on myself and people.

Adapted from Utmost for His Highest:
"The mainspring of Paul's service is not love for men, but love for Jesus Christ. If we are devoted to the cause of humanity, we shall soon be crushed and broken-hearted, for we shall often meet with more ingratitude from men than we would from a dog; but if our motive is love to God, no ingratitude can hinder us from serving our fellow men."

I shall not consider myself complete until i've met Jesus with my whole heart.

A very quick post here tonight, sorry if there are any typo errors or disorganized sentences. Or lack of depth in analysis. Haha! Goodnight/morning everyone.

I'm almost done with school.

26th Feb- Sales Management paper
28th Feb- International Business paper
3rd March- Brand and Marketing Management paper

Blogged @ 4:25 AM

I've just realised that i do like to use the color red when i'm jounalling in my book. Haha, although most of the journal entries are written in black... i actually felt good writing in red today. Not sure why i have this feeling, isn't it strange?

Haha, i think i'm strange sometimes. But you know what, I LIKE IT! haha!

Yeah this is a really random post. Hmm. Oh well, guess it depends on my mood when i'm writing into the journal. Today just felt.. really inspiring. So red was the color to use. Thank God for colors, they help to express ourselves.

Alrighty, adious! To those who are studying for exams, gogogo! And to those who are already done with school, do something useful! Haha!

No but really.

Will be praying for people who are studying for exams. Remember, studies isn't the most important in life. It's your attitude. Study with the right attitude and for the right reason! Ok end of nagging, Ciaos!

Blogged @ 3:14 PM

Sometimes, an opportunity doesn't come around twice.

When opportunity comes knocking at your door, you either take it or there shall be no regrets. We should at all times be anticipating an opportunity, and make sure that we're equipped with a hungry spirit and a good attitude or in other words, to be prepared.

I was in the bus today, on the way to Changi Airport. It was a wonderful bus ride, the scenery was totally beautiful, and i could even say that it was breathtaking. I looked at the greens and the oranges and reds, with the baby blue and white backdrop, i just had to praise God for His wonderful creations. I couldn't even open my eyes properly against the bright sun light. I wonder how it would be like when God's light shines. It is far greater than the sun light.

Unimaginable.

Then i was thinking about Heaven. Would Heaven be like this? With beautiful trees and flowers? Would i be able to fly? What kind of mansion would i be living in?

Then i was thinking, i want to do works in this world that guarantees me a nice mansion in Heaven. But as i wandered on... i realised that it was a really selfish thought.

I do want a nice mansion in Heaven.

But in this life, i feel that i wouldn't be complete if Jesus isn't my personal best friend. I want to do His works because I know that it would make Him happy.

I believe that He would bless me too, when i do what He wants. Some times, we have to open up our hearts to receive the real blessings that He gives us. We can't see the blessings that God wants us to see if our hearts are closed up.

Blogged @ 12:06 AM

I find myself coming back to the familiar question of

"What am I doing in my life?" again.

So many, many things happened over the past few days. Sadly, I haven't been jotting them down. But first and foremost, I'd like to thank God for the completion of my crazy period of projects, presentations and tests, and even other CCA activities and so on. And again, it is not I who managed to pass through this crazy period but Him who reminded me time and again to have the attitude of Christ.

I don't know if I have passed His standards while in the midst of the busyness. But if you were to let me be very honest, I would think that it is a no.

However, it doesn't matter very much what I think. Because the reality isn't about how high God's standard is that it is impossible that I achieve it, but the reality is about the redemption that brought about the atonement.

If you were to ask me how I'm feeling now, I would say...

Incomplete.

Somehow, there isn't anyone that I can talk to. This is between God and I.

I was looking at this drawing stuck on one of the walls of my bedroom. It was a drawing from my sister a few years back. In the drawing, there are many many people, and they formed a queue. What are they queueing for? At the extreme right of the drawing there is a huge golden door and this girl was next in line, and she is waiting to enter it. An angel flew above the peoples, and there were musical notes following behind the angel. Right beside the angel is a huge rainbow and the words that settled on top of the rainbow are "God's Promise..."
There are clouds and a cross with wings and then more words that said "Kingdom OF Heaven". Finally, right below where the people are standing are these words that she wrote:

"I don't mind waiting a MILLION days,
walking a MILLION miles,
go through hardship a MILLION times...

Just to see His face..."

Looking at the drawing makes me feel sad.

Blogged @ 12:31 AM

To be very honest, i was pretty frustrated today.

Got caught up in all the busyness of projects. Overwhelming myself and i was really serious about getting work done, which got me to the frustration.

Time is against us... Our three major presentations are due right after the Chinese New Year celebrations.

I had a headache...

Hahahaha. And now how silly i feel! When i was on the bus home, i was reading the bible. Well, and God told me to focus on what really is the point.

I have work to do, projects to be done with my group mates, and i was depending on myself, my own strength and ability. Our strength runs out, but God's strength doesn't.

I choose to depend on Him starting now. And i will choose to do it again and again until i do it unconsciously without thought.

He clothes the lilies of the fields, and feeds the birds of the air; oh how much more will He clothe me! How foolish i am to lose faith! In Jesus name i pray for His strength and focus for my group mates.

The main point of doing the projects is not to get work done, but something far greater than that goal, which is to love my group mates with the love of Jesus (because human love is limited) and doing things together with patience and encouragement. We all run the race and finish it. But it will matter HOW i finish. Reminder to myself.

It's raining, again! Reminds me of this song called "Bring the Rain" by Casting Crowns. To shine God's glory, He needs to bring the rain! Here's part of the lyrics:

"...and i know there'll be days, when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise You, Jesus bring the rain".

For it is easy to praise God when all is well. But the true test comes when difficulties arise and circumstances are not what you want them to be.

Am I still going to praise God in such a storm?

Blogged @ 12:29 AM