Just Like Tides

Ciaossu! ^^
Is it me or is the night really humid tonight...??? I'm sweating even after my shower... ^^;;

Anyway... dear diary. :) I feel like i've been learning a lot recently! hahas... you know how people tell you that in life... you aren't really living unless you learn how to love and be loved... it sounds really cliche... but! very true... lol. Everyone has their different ways of showing their love to their friends or family or their boyfriend/girlfriend etc,.. and you really cannot say that just because like for example, you spend more time with your boyfriend then compared to your family or friends actually means that you love your boyfriend more. It doesn't mean this all the time.

One thing that i've learnt in being in a relationship... is that what your boyfriend has done in the past might make you feel insecure or jealous in a way... but that's a very normal thing. Everyone wants the heart of the one they like. Not just the heart... but the whole heart. I'm sure you'll understand if you've ever been in love! hahaha... =') So i've learnt that you cannot let the past take control of your present. Don't confine yourself to something like the past... it's kindoaf foolish. Can you change the past? Or can you create your future with the present?

A friend once told me... "the most important thing is to create happy memories with your boyfriend". Hahahaha. I love that..!! ^^ Honestly, i don't really know what to think sometimes when problems suffice in a relationship. "Should i just give up? Since i don't really need a guy in my life right now..." etc etc. But all that was before. When you're in love with someone, you don't really need to try. You'll naturally do what you do in the end. I was someone who doesn't support a BGR in secondary school or at least til 18 years old before. Hahaha... but i went into my first BGR in secondary 4. And erm... really sorry to say... i didn't even give my then boyfriend any chance at all ><>

Anyway, since i had the "no bf til 18" kindoaf mindset in secondary school, some of my friends have been in BGRs and out, and in again... blah. ><>

So i'll stop ranting on for now... and get on with another topic! hahahahahha... =Pp No lah... i just feel like blogging about this now... and since recently i havn't been blogging a lot, not because i'm busy or what, but because i've lost a bit of my blogging feel... don't really know what to blog about... so now that i know what i want to blog about, i shall just blog it out! Even though it would make this blog post super long!! ^^ ^^ ^^^^^ ^ ^^ falalalalalala...... but it's MY blog so what can you do?? what can you do???

okay... not like anyone is actually reading this... hahahaha xD i just don't want my blog to be dead... my close girl friends don't really have the habit of blogging and reading blogs... sobs. So i'm left alone. Alone. Such a sad, sad word......... T.T .........

.... T.T...................

So! Today! After sending Bjorn off to take the taxi to Changi for his class chalet, i walked to take the bus home. Then i saw two visually handicapped men. They took the same bus as i did... wanted to help them up the front steps of the bus but then many people were looking and they looked fine. I always feel embarrassed when i do something helpful. Oh well...
So anyway. During the ride back home... God suddenly showed me that i'm really blessed. And i truly thank Him for it. I have hands and legs and eyes that works perfectly fine. I can run and jump! I can see and admire... And it struck me that since i am blessed by God with them... i want to really bless others with what i have. With this pair of hands and legs. And then my eyes started to tear a bit in the bus. Big things still starts from baby steps. I just wonder how i can help. I don't want this passion to die... Because i feel that this is what i like doing. But i don't know how to start. Why do i get the feeling that many people out there feels the same..?. >.> ..

hahahaha, okok... i think i'd better stop here for now. It's a really long post today! hehe. I'm gonna continue watching this Japanese drama called "Nobuta wo produce" for now... It's the kind of drama that has a moral behind it. And...... that's why i like it!! ;)

Ciao ciao! ^^

Blogged @ 12:19 AM

Yeowz.... ^^

Bjorn and i were talking much about life today. And... it made me realise that life is all about experiences. It's the experiences that you have that makes up who you are. You may not agree with me on this one, but you have to admit that to a certain extent... Experiences does affect who we are and where we stand this very day. Yes no?

For example, a very common scene; a person who is losing his life to cancer. He tells you how he feels during his dying days. How he sees the world in a totally different light now that he has contracted cancer and his remaining life span is very limited... Do you dare say that you totally understand how he feels? Can you really understand what he's going through? That's why they say that the best doctor to cure one's illness is a doctor that has actually been through the very same experience him/herself.

All of us have problems of our own... The person you like rejects you. Your family/friends have high expectations of you, thus putting you in a very difficult and pressurising spot. Sometimes.. you don't even know who you are. Or if you want to put your trust in that particular person or not. Other times.. you feel inferior to somebody. Then you get depressed. You feel that you don't have a good body. You get the things that you don't want and don't get the things that you want. You're not satisfied with what you already have, which other people in the third world country will already find it a luxury. You're afraid to open up to the world because you're afraid that u'll get hurt. You are not happy with the very life that you lead... because it's full of stress and disappointment and sad tears. Negative thoughts starts to build up within you. And slowly... that little innocent part inside of you dies. Your heart then turns cold. You're not able to feel all the happy emotions anymore. You become immune to the love of people around you. The good and happy memories are pushed aside and locked up in a chest.

And that's sad... because even though you are living... you know that this is not the life that you want to live. Even though you are living, you feel that you aren't. Deep inside you feel hollow. You don't know who you are. Which side of you is really you?

But isn't all this part of growing up..? Summoning up all your courage again and make new friends all over. Mending a broken heart. Speaking up for yourself. Your personality and thinking changes, that's why some of us are confused about our own identity. hahaha... what i'm meaning to say is that, take out the chest and the key. Don't just focus on the bad memories. When you argue with someone, don't just think about the hurt that they have caused you, because it's unfair. Whatever happened to the times when they showered their love unto you? How they tried to cheer you up, make you smile, comfort you with their words and actions. After all...
this is all part of life. Learning... :}}

Blogged @ 12:27 AM