Just Like Tides

Oh yeah! I went for the Band Appreciation Night yesterday with my steady...=) The party was kinda cool. =PP My steady finds it boring though. Hmm hmm. =Z HAHA OH WELL! I got to know quite a number of new friends!

I'm so happy! My friend B sent me an email. And now everything just got clearer to me. Seems like things aren't that bad afterall. If u put in the effort and try, it'll come out right. If it's still wrong...it's okay...you can always try again, and again, and again....
Until u get the right technique for the right situation.

Seems like sometimes even though people might not look like they care on the outside, they actually do. Seems like things will get all better if u bother to try. No matter how tough things get, how depressing it looks, do bother to try because you'll never know. Your friends' opinions are very important as well. It all goes the same for family matters. Are u having one, are u trying?

For all those people or friends who are not really on the positive note right now, or even you who is reading this and that i don't know you at all, do continue trying. The world will seem so much better a place to live in, life will find a new meaning. That's what everybody should do!

Because everytime after a long period of war (may be weeks, may be months, may be years), you will somehow know that what u've done for what u've pulled thru is all worth it. And u learn a whole new lot of things. Blessing in disguise.

The world look to be like a set of lies. But we have to learn to live with mah... we have to adapt and change to fit the requirement of everyone, for the world. What else can we do? I know what i've done the other day may have impacted some of my friends alot... sometimes i know i don't retaliate even if u say not so nice things to me or call me names. I laugh along because i know u don't mean it... but it actually hurts and burns within! All i can do is to let u realise it slow and steady... because there are things which i dunno, i can't tell u on the spot. Some things i need to think it through slowly myself before doing anything stupid again. However....if you do get too over the limit all at once. People have to face the consequences that follow. That all i have to say!

Remember the world is never fair!

And I love all my friends. =Pp

Blogged @ 11:16 PM

Wow. Is everybody going...wrong? Tell me how often u see people online put their personal messages up as "No one understands me", "u don't understand me well...", "U don't understand me at all."
Wow. How common issit nowadays to see friends quarreling over stupid things? How common is it to know that we often misunderstand one another or don't understand each other's intentions or thoughts or feelings or shits?
Wow. There is something undeniably wrong with us nowadays...let me tell u my opinions. I feel that we all care too much about ourselves. What's the word? I'd say..."self-centered". Of course this does not go out to all of us, maybe some. I wonder if this will change as we grow older. Is it that we think too much, that's why everyone's having problems or issit because we all think too little, that's why we don't find out what's really wrong in us... and continue doing harm to those around? I don't know the world anymore, And i hope at least it's only for now!

Wow.

I guess i've been trying, but probably still not hard enough, because things are still not getting the way i want it to be! Oh well. hahahahas. It's not easy...it takes time. And now all i need is time. And maybe a chance. Not from my friends, but maybe from just chance itself. lol.

Hope to meet more new people in band! I'm playing the French Horn and it ROCKS ROCKS ROCKS! :)

WOOT!

:P I keep using "wow"s today because i find it all amusing. Study hard for the final year exams! ^ ^

Blogged @ 10:13 PM

Oooo....pardon me! My last post was pretty bias. Woah i really think i should go for some anger management classes. Maintain my anger....mm mm.
Things went...quite...okay today. Started out friend B of mine didn't really talked to me at all, and we were like, kept ignoring each other's stares...didn't look at one another in the face. I didn't have anything to say to her as well. Lol. It felt like shit. So restricted. Then afterthat it got better... During math class she had some questions she didn't really understood and so she asked me. We started talking abit here and there, and during physics class we were talking like friends again. Just that...the feeling is abit weird now... I'm not sure if she sensed it, but it ain't quite the same anymore. Oh well...time will tell!

And then...today after school we went out together to makan KFC. And i'm supposed to meet Kendrick after that. At first i was kinda afraid...what will happen if they flare up again? But nope ^ ^ I was sooo glad that they said they didn't mind him coming to KFC to have lunch with us. Happy! But of course maybe i thought they'd prefer if he didn't come along...so i told him better not. But in the end he still came along with Daniel...=)

Things still felt weird.

Zzz...i'm so tired. O_o
I was very quiet the whole while, kinda quiet. I talked and smiled, but i didn't know what else i could do. I know i should do things slowly this time.
Haha...oh and Mary looked so happy today. Or issit only me? But i gotta admit, i've never seen her like that before. Ooohhh...or maybe i didn't notice that part of her before. She's a very nice person(it's getting kinda obvious recently, LOL). Kinda sensitive. My steady Jenni also did alot to cheer me up... omigod so nice X_x I love them so bloody much la.

Yah i know i am contradicting at times. I suggested that u better not go out with that guy becoz maybe i tot it's unhealthy he's desperate. @@ But yah...u know the choice is still solely up to u. I am aware of who i'm going out with... Actually now i realised tat it's abit unfair to the guy. If u asked me if u should go out with him alone, and i say no, because i don't know him at all and u're the one who talked to him all this while, afterall. So u know him best...and u're the only one who knows if u should go out with him...That's all. So now i know.
Sometimes i wished i wouldn't be such a nosyparker, in certain situations.

Yeaup, so like that. And then i went to meet Kendrick...
I learnt alot from my friends' opinions. Mistakes and quarrels are actually blessings in disguise, unless it's getting too frequent or too much/over la.

I've learnt that i shouldn't have left -Her- alone the other time when my click(my group of galfriends) hadda major quarrel for the first time....
I shouldn't have left her alone, because now i finally understood the feeling. Yeah...a pity it's too late to realise that now...

I wasn't being a good friend back then. I realised that me myself is actually what i'd call only a fun friend. Nice to talk to...but when my friend got hurt because of some reason, i didn't know how to comfort them. Now i know, and this technique i learnt from my honourable mother......Mary. BLUH! =)

So yeaup! That's about all today...i'm so glad this woke me up my stupid senses. But i dunno about my friends....maybe it's time i do a little talking with them, and it's up to them if they still wanna understand or not.

~A quality friend should never leave a lonely friend alone in times of crisis!

Blogged @ 8:34 PM

Everything started out beautiful today. Until we had our A maths common test after school. Well online diary...i put up posts when i have questions for the world, when i feel down, or when i'm super hyper, if not, just because i'm feeling bored. And now...i'm posting because i'm feeling down. Sucks.
Can anyone tell me what're friends for? What're friends for if u cannot communicate with them, what're friends for if u cannot get along well with them, what're friends for when u pathetically feel like u're the only one all alone and the others all think u're wrong but the worst thing is, they don't even try to understand...?
I know, everyone wants to voice out their opinions everyone wants to get their views heard. But what about me? Am i not part of 'everyone' myself? I am so saddened....I don't know what to do, i don't know what to expect... Often friends tell me problems, i try i help, and now i wish for the same. I actually hoped for one of my closer friends to comfort me... but no.
Can't they feel it? Can they not see? Can't they sense it? I wonder what's wrong! Why, why, why...
Why can't i go out one on one with another guy friend of mine? Is it really wrong? Does social hierarchy really matter so much? I've been hanging out with my close friends for so long now... and what i don't understand is, everytime something goes wrong... that is, if it's concerning me, i'd be the one who actually say the first sorry. Or maybe the ONLY sorry. Let me tell u this. I AM CERTAIN THAT I AM NOT 100% WRONG. This world is fucked! Full of shit. Sad enuff, yes u cannot disagree with the fact. That is true... Why, why, why...
Why don't they see my tears? Why do they always think WE have to understand them instead of both parties contributing? Why don't they see the effort that i've been trying to put in... why don't they appreciate and help me together like what friends are supposed to do... Is that a tear i feel?
What happened today... Friend A and B got mad because my guy friend didn't wanna go out to TPY with them today...Friend C and D were okay with anything. Suddenly A kicked the dustbin with considerably much force, and i could immediately sense her anger and irritation. A was the one who said they didn't mind if my guy friend came along to TPY with us. I was delighted. But my guy friend felt weird...i mean, one guy, all girls? Some people may not like it. Not everyone is the same and don't mind going out with all the other gals and him being the only guy. Will u feel good if u're seen hanging out with a bunch of guys and u're the only pretty gal there talking with them? What will people think? Your views? I know Friend B is mad at my friend for not willingly wanting to hang out with us, i know...but there is a reason behind it all. Why don't people get to the bottom of things before they actually do something which might in turn hurt others as well? Anyone ever considered?
Not everyone is the same....U have ur own character, he has his own character. But anyway...i don't really wanna point fingers at anyone... I really appreciate it-for everyone of my friends who helps me-, i appreciate things very well. Friend A and B then said some not so nice things about my guyfriend after that, and i tried to keep quiet, tried to protest, tried to tell them, but no one listened... i got pissed, and they continued, not sensing anything. I was saddened. I shouted and walked out on my friends. I'm so sorry for friend C and D...
I've never done that. And anyone who knows me well...will know it's not normal for me to do such a thing. And yet today, i exploded, i did it. And the bad part is...i had to apologize first, and even after apologizing, do i get any sorries back? NO! ONE FUCKING BIG FAT NO FOR U! What're friends for? This? ANOTHER FUCKING NO FOR U! I was angered...and friend A told me to STFU after that. To be honest, i felt real hatred...how can my friend not understand? I don't know why i have to understand all of you, and no one in turn understands me and THINKS ABOUT MY FUCKING FEELINGS? Am i being too nice? People often only look on the outside. It's very common...it's it's nothing wrong. But it's time we all learn as well...and secondary school life is the best time to decide what we change ourselves into. I'm trying.

So friend B afterthat went on to continue to state my flaws and my mistake in walking out on them. Lemmi say this...i would never have anyhow walked out on you all on purpose...the reason i did that was very simple, and i know i'm wrong for walking away. But do tell me u don't do that when u're really mad too? Look at youself...and tell me about it. really.
Sometimes we argue for the sake of argueing, and usually that kinda argues will bring us nowhere. THInk thru even before u think u're certainly right, for all u know, u might be wrong. I may be wrong. But i checked it out...i asked for my friend's opinions and found out where i went wrong. I do give a fuck for my future. Do you?

For now...i know i have much soul searching to do again. :) It's time as well. It has been so long since i've even found some peace and quiet to think about certain things worth thinking about.
Im glad for those who made my day today, those who cheered me up. :) Ya'll make life worth living! =D
TOmolo is near, and will come soon! I don't know what's gonna happen tomolo, but if my friends still think so much about that matter, if my friends still wanna argue and hold this matter up, i have nothing to say. These are the friends whom i feel we should think twice before making friends with. Quality friends will stick to ur side no matter what stupid quarrels you all have. Friends are whom that will listen to you when u're down. Yeaup, i look for these qualities in my friends. And i'll get my answer tomolo! Somehow...i just know that they will be alright again tomolo. Somehow i know they're truely friends.
We shall see!
I wanna thank friend C and D and my other goody friends online who cheered me up! THanks alot! ILU! <3 3 ="Pp

Oh, and if friend B is reading this... you were the person whom i thought would come and comfort me. I thought so. I kinda trusted this friend B of mine... i wonder?

Blogged @ 11:04 PM

It was only yesterday when i hadda sudden attack of stress... One moment i was pratically sh0utin' and sCreamin' at my siblings (yeah i know, i'm so sorry!) and then in a jifty, i was online and luffin' away with people i don't really know. Yeah...people whom i don't really know. I felt so guilty... my friends and all... That they're not there to comfort me at times. After that period of stress, i just felt so hyper. My whole body seemed so rejuvenised and i never got to know how or even why.
I miss the times when my friends and i used to be luffing together happily. I miss the sec1 times when i had this crazy form teacher and everything seemed so crazy altogether as well. So many things have happened, so many... it's just hard to believe that only 3 years of my life has passed. Or rather.... 3 years of my life has already passed...
It's just kinda... weird...
For now, i just hope for my friends and all the people around me to be happy and united. Going thru all the difficult times together, it's challenging. I may not know all my flaws. But i know i am still not that an insensitive a person... I can still get along fine with people ^ ^ And for that, i'm just glad. Life just suddenly feel so important.
But mood swings often come with the package as well... It's unavoidable, so the least we can do is to try... and try.
The secret to enjoying life, is very simple, in my opinion. To learn how to be contented with things, and to build up a positive attitude and optimistic lifestyle. And to build this, we need friends. That's where they come in handy. :) I love all my friends, very much. Love love love! I seriously don't know what i'd do without ya'll!

Blogged @ 8:32 PM

Aiiilamak. I wna watch Click! I think Adam is very cute... hahaha! He has got a blur face, blur + sleepy + funny + shyshyyy look all at one go! Wooo! How come Eurasians have sharp noses and Asians have blunt noses? Hahhaha...so round at the tip. Kinda cute....maybe that's what differentiates us from them. and them from us. -_-' Yeash yeash whatever! :Pp They look good with sharp defined features as well!

Should i plan a family outing and watch Click with my family? Haha...hey, i think it's a great idea. It's been too long since we watched our last family movie together...missing those times...
I hate my memory. It makes time pass so fast... Sux! But without the memory, i can never remember those happy times and sad times that i've been thru in my life... ^ ^
So it compensates back for everything. Aiyah, why am i even talking about this? Siao!

Met all kinds of people on ICQ. It's very interesting... u can really get to understand what kinda people actually exists on this planet of ours. Like you can see, ah, this guy looks so vulgar and fierce and such... But when u talk to him online, whooping nice! LOL. I'm just saying it anyway...i'm not trying to point out anybody. It's just an example. People on the net can be Nice, pervertic, desperate, lonely, all sorts! I throughly understand why people always get conned online. Hahahha cuz i actually do that too. Shush!! I mean, why tell people you don't even know, the truth about urself? Make ur life sound more interesting! Say u've done this have done that, find a nice topic to talk about.

People will actually believe. Hahhaa...well, u know...the net is just a web of exchanging lies. They tell u this tell u that. But is it credible? LOL who cares anyway? It's the net! As long as u're having fun...and not hurting anybody, in my opinion, i think it's still fine. But of course...lieing is not what i do all the time. Online...u can even share ur problems with someone u totally don't know. But of course, do find a decent one first...

It's kinda effective. They tell u their story (again, we'll never know if it's true or false) and u tell them yours. Went reading others blogs just.....hmm. For some of my schoolmates whom i rarely talk to, even though they seem like not so nice people in reality, but they have their weaknesses, have their own point of view as well. I'm learning to understand people... I do not wish to hurt anyone. But unfortunately, in this world of exchanging lies, injustice in some cases, biasness, blahblahblah, blahblah, blah, it's most of the times impossible to understand one fully from head to toe, and to please everyone around you...

I've always thought like that. Until i was proved wrong. And what happened? I was actually called a bitch by some of my friend's friends. Uh oh! HUMONGOUS misunderstanding here. But now after camps and all, i think they're actually still quite nice. QUITE(for calling me a bitch lar BLEAH)! :) If you want to complain say someone's an ass, you should first look at yourself. Are u portraying the same image? And people are just given the reputation of being a flirt because she's seen going out with 3 guys 1 on 1! Is it sometimes wrong to be friendly? Sigh...often it's mistaken....

Sometimes it never pays. Until you know the person well, can u judge the person. If not, by right u shalln't! Hehehe...but it's fun to gossip. =X Just a little taste in the plain plain dish wont hurt?

Blogged @ 2:02 AM

Oops. Lack of update. :P

Nevermind... So many things have been popping out of my life lately. However, life still seem the same. Is life getting abit too boring? I really ponder over what's really missing here and there, and i've come to realise...

That i am indeed a very complicated character. All human beans are... o_O

Perhaps i can only find out 3 years into the future? Whatsmore...to make matters worst, i just can't get contented over the things that i now have. Hahahaha....but no worries, for that can be changed. I keep wondering (while trying to concentrate on my studies at the same time) what if, what if, what if? There are too many what ifs to remember and posting them out. I'm just too lazy!
I need new inspirational songs to splash the colours back into life! ARghhh....or rather, i have to go find and mix the colours myself. -_-'' Life's like that aye myte!

Anyway, i'm down with sore throat. :)
Heh heh heh... thank u! I can't go k box and sing away with my frenzies!!!
So yeah...didn't meet my friends today at 10. They must be blasting away happily now without me :'( ....
Ah but anyway i don really feel like singing too with my current condition. I'm so sorry guys!
But i will be meeting them at 2 later... :) Makan Pizzahut. LOL

Say Bye bye to my wonderfool voice tomorrow! ^ ^

Update more next time.....~

Blogged @ 8:21 PM