Why doesn’t anyone seem to listen to me?

Haha the title says it all… this is gonna be quite a depressing blog entry I guess.

Lately I’ve noticed that less and less people have actually been listening to me. By listening to me I mean taking my words seriously and not just uh-huh yes-yes-yes and forgetting whatever I said 2 seconds later. Not that my words are worth their weight in gold, but as a person, human being, whatever, don’t I deserve at least someone else who’d take what I say seriously and do something about whatever I’m saying?

I recall one incident 3 Sundays ago. I happened to be on call that night in hospital and it was one hell of a night. But that’s not the main point. At around 6+ in the morning, a nurse came and told me that one of the patients was feeling breathless and having some chest pain. Chest pain! It having been a busy night, I saw the patient alone, phoned the house officer to come see the patient, did an ECG, and sent off bloods for cardiac enzymes.

“Hello, this is Weiliang here. I’m seeing a patient in XXXXX now. He’s got some chest pain and breathlessness. I’m gonna do an ECG and take some bloods for him. Can you come see him soon cos he might be having some heart trouble?”

“Ok.”

She never arrived. It was the ward team that saw the patient 3 hours later during the ward round. And the ward house officer who traced the blood result. So what I said was, well, rubbish, unimportant, probably false, probably exaggerated, probably nothing to be worried about. Maybe I should have just taken the bloods and did the ECG and called the ward house officer instead. Maybe I shouldn’t have irritated the on-call. I was wasting both our time anyway, right?

Having said that, it didn’t really matter to me. I mean, I was quite worried about the patient so I did go and trace the blood result myself too and found out that it was normal. So he didn’t die. And the on-call wasn’t much of a friend anyway so it didn’t matter whether she took my words seriously or not. After all, she didn’t even bother about me all night, after I clerked 8 patients for her. How important was my call?

What’s irking me is the fact that even friends and closer people don’t seem to be bothering about what I say and just rubbishing my opinions. Half the time I’m just ‘crapping’ or ‘bullshitting’ or ‘blabbering rubbish’. To their credit, maybe that IS true. Just that my opinion that I am not doing any of the above is rubbish in itself. So perhaps even you, reading this crappy blog now, don’t need to bother about a single word here.

Nonetheless, I’m gonna continue whining.

Have you ever been ignored completely by someone who matters a lot to you? Not ignored as in avoided and not spoken to, but ignored as in your words don’t seem important and they are just heard, and later, forgotten. It’s just like you telling your brother, “Don’t touch this.” And he says yes, and he touches it 2 hours later. So much for yes? I guess it didn’t matter to him that you gave him instructions 2 hours earlier? Either he’s just rebellious, or your instructions were not paid attention to, or your instructions were just not important enough for him to remember or to follow.

Well, since my value is diminishing among the people I know, I’m beginning to wonder if it’s time to move on and find a new bunch of people to know? Then over the next 20 years, we will get to know each other, then become good friends who listen to one another, then slowly not listen to one another, then ignore one another, then start looking for yet a new group of people to know. And the cycle repeats itself. And the cycle repeats itself.

Sneaking back

I looked at the date of my last post and wow... it's been a yeaR! haha I haven't typed a single word on this site for a WHOLE YEAR! I guess that's long enough for 99% of my readers to become ex-readers. I mean, who'd patronize a site that hasn't been functional for a year? Not that I'm complaining though. This site had been getting a little too public for my liking. So much so that I've been restricting what I could and wanted to publish here so that I wouldn't offend anyone or let cats out of bags to the wrong people. Now I'm just returning silently (and perhaps transiently?) to keep the site alive! Hi everyone! Thanks for coming!

In just one year, so much has happened. I notice that the previous post was about the world cup so well, the main things that happened after the cup included... my O&G posting, my paeds posting, my patho exams and my overseas elective! (that's about all I'm willing to publicise)

O&G was kind of stressful and terrible, considering the fact that King PC ruled with an iron fist. Everyone under this rule trembled and quaked with fear at the mere mention of his name. In fact, you probably didn't need to finish saying his name to induce a bout of involuntary micturition. It didn't matter whether you were his bootlicker or right-hand man or just some minion that he didn't even know about. You were under his direct rule and you lived by his laws. You stay in the delivery ward and stare at the decorated walls if there were no deliveries (ie. cannot go home). You put on your (bow)tie as long as it was office hours and you were in his posting (or in his sight). Yada yada. Hmmm come to think of it, it's been about a whole year since I did O&G. How come I remember these so clearly? Maybe cos the King himself was in my OSCE test room (first station!) and I went into tremors, rigors and fits. (I passed, though.)

Paeds was fun, but when the test loomed, it wasn't so fun anymore. You had 2months to learn all you can about kids medicine. You had 5 years for the adults. Maybe it isn't fair to describe it this way, but that was how i felt. I remember trying super hard to memorise the developmental milestones table on valentine's day. Weren't there better things to do?

Patho was quite a disaster. I tell you, I studied. In fact I think I studied more for patho than any exam after A levels. But still, I did the worst of all my medical school exams so far. There seems to be a downhill trend about my scores counting from year one. If the trend is correct, I will get B or B- for my medicine and surgery come MBBS (part III).

And finally, elective! haha~ That was probably the best period of my life for quite a while. I mean, Singapore isn't that bad, but it's nice to be away for awhile. I kind of liked the idea of just disappearing from whatever duties and responsibilities I had in Singapore and just move through life for 2 months in another place. I had time to smell the flowers, to listen to the birds, to sit, relax, drink tea and think about my life. I could reflect on the past 22 years of my life and also think about who mattered to me and who didn't. That's of course apart from all the new things I learnt in South Africa and also the total beauty of the place. But I guess the thing that I got most out of the elective was the renewal. Renewal in God. I think everything had begun to stagnate back home so it was nice to meet new people and challenges. It was nice to be pushed and carried back near to God. I had been slowly getting lost in the flurry of activities in Singapore to be anywhere near God. Durban was nice, and I met some wonderful people like Dr Mannie, Dr Sunpath, Dr Hobe, Mum Onnie and Geraldine (not in order of age). It was nice having to live and share everything with Victor and Shaun. A whole new experience of life. And South Africa is BEAUTIFUL. Durban has a nice mix of cultures and beautiful beaches. The beaches are nice and warm and bathed by the Indian Ocean all year. Cape Town has colder beaches due to the powerful and cooler waves of the Atlantic. And Cape Town is a total paradise. Mountain behind, ocean in front, beautiful gardens, exquisite infrastructure. The Drakensberg mountains are majestic and a sheer challenge for amateur climbers, but do-able! Mossel Bay is a nice coastal town, Oudsthoorn an idyllic village. And much much more! I must go back some time again in my life. I haven't covered so much of the place and I'd like to revisit some of the places again.

Hmmm now come to think of it, why am I typing so much here suddenly? Maybe I just miss blogging. I predict this is temporary. I'll just feel sick of it again and not blog for yet another year. Maybe so. Maybe not.

The Cup

THE CUP. The gleaming, glamourous, golden prize of football (no longer called soccer after Ghana dumped USA out).

World Cup Fever is back. More contagious than chicken pox, more lethal than SARS. Everyone infected goes on a one-month Pandaren (think eyebags) journey, coupled with a constant stuporous state for the rest of the remaining hours each day.

And what a Cup this has been! Off to a flying start as Germany decided to destroy Costa Rica instead of destroy the Beautiful Game, the tournament raced through the group stages, churning out goals like water. Faster, slicker and laden with flair (quit thinking about England), the various teams made efforts to deliver the goods that the fans so desperately wanted. The destructive game was out of the window. Game-destroying teams such as Germany and Italy surged forward with guns blazing. Lesser teams audaciously tore through star-studded defences to light up the German evenings. It was goals galore!

While the 'keepers blamed the ball for bizarre flight paths and for being too lightweight (why don't they try saving a volleyed coconut), it was the quality of passing and vision of several players rather than goalkeeping gaffes that caused the goals. And speaking of the ball, I wonder what inspired Adidas to produce such a intriguing design. Rounder and lighter, it was meant to be more curl-able. Somehow, they decided that sticking sanitary pads together would achieve their purpose. All hail TEAMGEIST, the Sanitary Pad Ball!

As the goals poured in, so did the cards. Singapore gave the first red card. Singapore was first to give the second red card too. All hail Singapore, the little red dot.

At least Shamsul was fair (that's subjective, but this author thinks he's fair, so he is). Others were more screwed up, missing penalty calls and giving uncalled penalties. Some were trigger-happy, dishing 'em by the dozen. Holland and Portugal saw a myriad of red and yellow during their epic battle.

As the group stages came to a close, I noticed that lots of people were winning money. The teams that were supposed to win were winning. The teams that were supposed to lose were losing. Perhaps the only surprise was Ghana (and the Czech republic on the other end of things). The superpowers all progressed into the last 16, and we saw no more bizarre South-Korea-vs-Italy-in-the-quarter-finals type of episodes. Every match was a close contest of fitness, determination and talent, featuring opponents worthy of each other.

With high competition comes highly volatile tempers. If you watched Holland vs Portugal, Germany vs Argentina, or Portugal vs England (Portugal certainly looks combative), you'd more or less see my point. With national pride and personal goals at stake, every man fought for his life and country. No one wanted to bear the ignominy of the early flight home (not that Germany would have to fly home). Argentina disgracefully decided to bear that, and also the shame of brawling on the pitch. Rooney trampled on someone's groin and Ronaldo came over to further provoke him. I thought they were teammates at club level. Glory glory Man Utd!

Your heart goes out to players who feel hard done by reality. I wonder how many hearts melted when Beckham was seen crying. Or when Gerrard knelt on the pitch after Ronaldo slammed home the final nail in England's coffin. Some scenes were just too much to bear.

On the other hand, this World Cup also saw many desirable gestures. Sportsmanship was at the highest level in certain selected matches. Brazil, stunned as they were after crashing out, still gracefully congratulated France for advancing.

As it is, South American sides will not win in a European country yet again (as usual except in Sweden half a century ago). A friend predicted England would win the World Cup, since they won in 1966 (and Israel roamed the wilderness for 40 years, wherever the link is). The New Paper provided mathematical analyses for the eventual winner, picking Italy to pluck the trophy from Brazil at Germany 2006. For now, there are but four teams left: Germany, Portugal, Italy and France.

The semifinals beckon.

5 people, 6 martinis, 7 steak sandwiches, 8 plays.

The Elections Are Coming!

Woo Hoo!!! My first election! (As if I'm the one who's running for the election) Yes! I'm amongst the bunch of Singaporeans who get to exercise their sacred vote on 6 May. Exciting huh... For those who stay on the more peaceful western districts of Singapore, and those who just missed out on being 21 as of 31 Dec 2005 (therefore missing out on most of the Progress Package), too baddddd =P

Just so well I'm staying in a Single-seat Ward. Almost assured of opposition contention (hmmm some redundancy...). But the problem is, there hasn't been much hype about the face-off between Yao and Sin in the papers. In fact, yesterday's papers said it was amongst the 'COLD' (or was it 'COOL') battles (meaning it ain't gonna be much of a battle). That aside, the pick-ups were out in full force these two days, bearing numerous party flags and playing pre-recorded party messages through the irritating loudspeakers. And they patrol the estate so often that I wished they'd just shut up. Hopefully the two lorries will langa. Or just drop the loudspeakers, please. After all, all that I've heard is just "please vote wisely." I guess i missed the "Vote for ***!!! *** is the best!!! We rock!!!" (If there ever was)

And I guess the other thing exciting about this election is again the nomination process (just like the previous election). So we're going to risk entrusting our homes, our lives, our estates, our country into the hands of people who can't handle a stack of papers properly. I remember my primary one class could collect forms flawlessly without hassle. Maybe we should do nomination online... Would that be a better reflection of our status as a first world society with first world technology (and a first world government)?

Elections aside, I'm in the middle of an extremely exciting posting. I guess I haven't enjoyed my previous postings as much as this one. Thinking back, E-cli was okay, cos everything was new. GS was fun, cos again, everything was new. GM was totally boring, ortho started well, but disintegrated into a repetitive "OA knees, DM foot, NOF #, OA knees, DM foot, NOF #...". COFM was a good break, DR too short, EMed extremely exciting but horribly disruptive (in terms of my body clock). Paed Surg is fun! Hmmm maybe I've found my niche. Anyway I'm only half through, so let's watch the next 2 weeks.

Johnny Jordan is coming back soon... But T-Mac and Hooker are going France with 16 girls... Grrr~

Don't bother reading this post

I just told you not to bother.

Basically it's cos I'm writing this in a very very very bad mood. Don't ask me why. Bad day? Unreasonable treatment? PMS? Whatever. I don't give a damn about the cause, so neither should you. And I told you not to bother.

Ever wondered what's worse than committing suicide? Well, it's failing to die. No, I'm nowhere on the verge of that, so don't bother telling me about SAF hotline or Counselling Services or Barney and Friends (if that helps in the first place). But my point is, people who commit suicide, or attempt to do so, ought to die. Look at it this way, we're living in a world of free will right? Human rights. I can't stuff shit into your mouth if you don't want me to. I can't muzzle you if you want to tell me i suck. I can't even measure your blood alcohol levels after you've been caught for drunk driving simply because you refuse. So if YOU want to die, who am I to stop you? Why stop the bleeding of a slit wrist? Why pump the stomach containing 500 doses of panadol? Why resuscitate you and listen to all your nonsense about wanting to die and 'why-did-you-save-me'? In your own moment of folly (or wisdom, whichever you want), you create a situation that expends time, money and manpower, de novo. So why can't you take a quick and fast route, and make sure it's foolproof, so that no one needs to sweat and toil over you? If you're not about to do that, then don't try anything funny at all. Leave the resources for those who wish to live. Don't be the absolute idiot who dangles in the middle, half dead but half alive and making alot of noise and trouble for everyone. And I said, for the third time, stop reading.

Another thing about this world is the absolutely weird people we live with. Perhaps the caste system was quite a good idea after all. Segregate the people and live a happier life. I never meant physical handicap (or impairment or disability, just in case you knew the difference between the 3). I meant people with weird preferences and practices. Face it. There are people out there who can't stand others. Why be the lowly hypocrite to pretend that you absolutely advocate world peace and that we should all live in perfect harmony? Of course, we should, ideally. Too bad our world isn't ideal. Condemn people who condemn you. Avoid people who avoid you. Label people who label you. Why try so hard to be, erm, nice and friendly? If you're still interested, read on. I promise you it'll be boring.

I'm beginning to get at odds with this world. Maybe it's too lousy for me, or maybe I'm too lousy for it. Or perhaps it's just the antisocial, cynical, self-centred maggot that I am. Whatever. I told you it'll be boring. It's so boring that I'm bored too. Just ignore me.

Aggressive Questions and Aggressive Answers

Somehow I get the feeling that everyone is out to do everyone else in. I mean, when someone presents a paper, and shows you the results he's painstakingly churned out over a month's work, the least you could do is not to pick on nitty gritty details? Interpret the results and adapt them for your own use! Don't accept it wholesale, but there's no need to put someone who's been stressed for a month through another half an hour of more stress.

Let's say a professor from overseas presents a paper. Are you going to pick out little errors he made while he presented his paper? Are you going to say this word should be 'associations' and not 'factors'? Then why are the questions and comments made during the CHP presentations so different when compared to during other scientific seminars? People go to scientific and research seminars to learn. Questions are posed to further develop the project and extrapolate the results to adapt to the needs of the person asking the question. I really didn't see the need to bring out points regarding fundamental errors or wording errors. So what if you think you can't apply the results of the study to the entire population in Singapore? Then don't apply the results! So many questions posed could actually be simply answered by saying 'oh that's actually a limitation of our project and we're sorry we forgot to add it to our slide on limitations.' Shouldn't a scientific presentation draw more educative and interesting questions like 'how do you think you can use these results to help a certain group of people?' or 'to what extent can your results be applied to communities elsewhere?'

Perhaps it is just the way the questions were posed. Some were asked sarcastically, prompting sarcastic answers. Clarifications were alright, but there certainly were questions causing half the audience to cringe. Questioners were aggressive, answerers were impolite. You could certainly feel the fear that the Q&A session would deteriorate into a mass-wrangling or mass-wrestling session.

Come on, good questions yield good answers and everyone learns and stays happy. I hope I will stop cringing during the Q&As tomorrow.