Takoyaki lawan Churros

Kau menyoal, apakah rencana kita malam nanti.

Kebetulan aku dikhabarkan teman ada food truck festival di ibu kota.

Langsung aku merencanakan kepada kau yang ternyata neutral di saat itu.

Aku memesan Takoyaki, kau bilang yucks.

Karena menurutmu rasanya seakan cucur udang.

Lucu si kening lebat ini.

Barangkali level apetite kamu tidak senyaman aku.

Dan kemudian kita memesan Churros.

Arghh, aku buntu karena tidak pernah sama sekali memasukkan batang-batang tepung lembut ini ke hawa mulutku.

Manis.

Aku kurang gemar.

Tidak banyak yang aku persoalkan.

Sekarang kita hanya perlu duduk berdua.

Untuk aku, bukan takoyoki (atau cucur udang) atau churros yang aku inginkan.

Cukup kejadian malam ini.

Notte

Kebiasaanya malam-malam begini, kehidupanku akan ditemani oleh text-text manja dari kamu. Kau menurutku, gemar bercerita hal personal kau sama aku.

Kemungkinan aku juga pendengar yang setia, jadi kimia di antara kita makin membuak-buak.

Pernah beberapa kali aku kangen untuk mewarna. Adults colouring book itu sampai tersidai di atas robok milik ku.

Masih aku ingat, kau memberi respon akan hasil warnain aku.

Kaler harus hanya pada satu arah.

Jangan tekan kuat sangat.

Aku mencebik karena bukan itu respon yang aku pinta.

Bukan aku tak pernah lihat hasil warnain kamu.

Compang-camping!

Pemalas, karena engkau gemar melangkau dari satu sempadan ke sempadan lain tanpa menghiraukan garisan yang dilukis.

At least, I’m still far away better at this.

Vagueness

Antara hari-hari yang paling aku takut, adalah hari minggu tanpa mu.
Till date, I seriously have no idea as to why I have to stress out myself until that extent.

Pernah aku stalk status whatsapp, Online. Tapi tiada khabar kepadaku.
Sementelah aku, meletak harapan akan pengkhabaran dari mu, seperti biasa kamu lakukan during weekdays.

Kamu bilang, handphone isn't your priority ketika keluar bersama teman.

Aku tidak mengerti sama sekali.
Takkan lah kamu tidak ada walaupun sesaat untuk aku?

Namun, itu yang aku pelajari selama ini.

Sesetengah dari kita perlukan ruang untuk diri sendiri.

Ruang untuk bernapas.
Ruang untuk tidak memberi perhatian kepada manusia yang ada di hatimu.
Ruang untuk tidak memberi pengkhabaran akan aktiviti harian mu.
Ruang untuk berehat dari memikirkan mu buat seketika.

I understood.

Berbeda sama aku.

Ruang itu telah aku tutup rapat-rapat, karena telah di isi oleh kamu.

That Eyebrow di pertemuan pertama

Sengaja aku pilih hari ahad kerana hari isnin aku harus ke kantor jadi tidak berpeluang untuk mengatur pertemuan pada ulang tahun kelahiran mu. Jadi tengah hari ahad itu aku telah aturkan untuk ketemu.

Aku jadi buntu pada pertemuan pertama. Apa yang bisa aku lakukan bersama dia. Apakah santapan tengah hari kami nanti.

Dia tidak putus-putus menghantar pesanan, takut.
Aku membalas, I dont eat people.
Lucu, menurutku.

Setelah menunggu hampir 10 minit, kami ketemu.

Dia mengendong toiletries bag jenama PA. Aku respon, same like mine. Ayat yang pertama muncul dari mulut ini.

Kami langsung meluncur ke SS15 Courtyard, tempat di mana aku biasa hang out. Familiar, jadi mudah untuk aku merencanakan perjalananku.

Dia memesan Cantonese Fried Rice (kalau tidak salah) dan aku memesan wantan noodle soup.

Why does the food taste bad? We both agreed.

Aku merenung ke matanya. Arghh, that eyebrow !

See you when I see you!

I have been disconnected from my own thoughts for a few weeks now. It’s not like I don’t have anything to think about, it’s just that I didn’t have time to put in writing and I honestly didn’t know where to start. Let’s start with why I decided to put all of these in my head and call it what it’s called.

Since I was 27, I have this thing in my head that I could swear that I won’t be involved with anyone. No heart to heart attachment to be precised. I remember being a so called lone ranger where I fulfilled my time only for myself. I thought that was going to be it. But of course, as we grew older and reached certain kind of age, you'll tend to have some kind of fluctuate decision making.

So this few weeks was a shitty week for me. No wait. This whole month. Let me start with how I was kicked from my comfort zone as I having a poor relationship with someone. No wait, not an official relationship, presumably on the dating stage. As lovely of an idea it may seem, I knew that one day I will leave that zone and come out to the surface to do my thing once again. I knew who I was and when I will be gone that person was getting ready to lose me.

I don’t like the idea of me pushing myself to the limits, where I spent most of time thinking and prioritize someone, and you didn’t get any reward as a return. Sick! But, that was it. It doesn’t matter how I self-proclaimed myself as a happy single man (at least it stand for a couple of years) I finally lost in tracked.  Finally!

I neither like the idea of having no future in any relationship. The rule is simple. Once, you jumped into any kind of relationship, make the best out of it! Your insecurities about your own future is very much a pretty little liar. People makes excuses when they are not fully committed to things they’ve already started. If you have no guarantee, why started? Life isn’t eternity, at the end of the day every each of us will go through the same boring chapter.

I also not fancy a kind of idea where you have to play dishonest so that you won’t hurt anyone. Seriously? Honesty is always the best policy, regardless of the fact how hurt the reality will be.

Maybe I don’t understand that by keeping away your emotions is the best way to live life. There are certain things in life was designed not to be disclose. Unfortunately, my maturity doesn’t recall such idea.

Or maybe one day you’ll understand the urgency to fulfill you empty heart when you reach certain kind of life and age. Eventually, you’ll understand!

But I wasn’t that mean to put a blame to someone without prejudice. I know how hard it takes by having such a complicated person like me. Me being complicated? Maybe, if you understand the context of being honesty, I won’t pursue such attitudes.

All the lies you created with or without my acknowledgment, don’t matter to me at all. What’s matter the most is when you keep me on hold, even till today.

It's forgiven but not forgotten.

Nevertheless, see you when I see you!