思谱

长假后的工作天,

格外的不露.

今天突然间心血来潮,

想找一个地方,

把脑袋里乱七八糟, 胡思乱想的东东, 寄放一下下

想一想,

自己好像有一个部落格.

看一看,

继上一次更新, 已是三年前的事.

时间啊...都去哪儿了呀...

三年的时间,有多少东西改变了?

自己到底成长了多少?

毕业已有一年, 踏入社会也有半年之久.

到底, 学习了什么? 收获了什么?

另外, 失去了什么? 放弃了什么?

常常会有人问,

‘你的梦想是什么? 你想要过怎样的人生?’

能回答出来的人, 我就觉得好了不起.

是不是, 毕业, 工作, 结婚, 生子, 退休,老去...

是不是, 在一定的年龄, 就应该做着某样事情, 领着一定的薪资...

有经验的人, 都好心相劝,

就好比给了一个完整的食谱,

应该要有怎样怎样的食材,

准备妥当以后, 便是一步一步的指示.

只要好好地跟着, 就可以做出一道美味佳肴.

这样, 少了跌跌撞撞, 免了时间和食材的浪费.

该有多好?

可是, 想一想,

自己拥有全部的食材吗?

跟得上那些步骤吗?

这道菜和自己胃口吗?

如果和, 为什么还不动手去做?

如果不和, 为什么不想办法去研究或开发新食谱呢?

只是一味地高谈阔论, 总有一天, 会饿死吧...

好了, 发泄完毕,

该面壁思谱了.

I care

It was time for appointments with the doctors again. Fortunately, I was free and the day was spent in the hospital. A lot of emotions felt and seen. You see beds surrounded by nervous family members, as if getting nearer to their sick loved ones can increase the recovery speed or some sort. You can also see beds without anyone around, leaving the already pitiful-looking patients look more fragile and lonely.

I got a mini heart attack this morning when I realized my grandmum fall down in the toilet because she was too weak to support herself in the toilet due to the fasting. Thank god no where else hurt except for some wounds on her leg. Falling can cause really serious consequences, especially on the elderly. Although she kept assuring me that she will be careful and she knows how to take care of herself, the worries are not going to go away that easily. If everything is that easy and predictable, there will be no existence of 'accident'. What can I do? Pray hard.

While waiting for the endoscopy procedure, ah ma was complaining about being hungry. She was not allowed to eat or drink since 12 o'clock midnight and the dinner yesterday was so light that I think it would not even fill my mouth, not to mention the stomach. It was almost 12 in the afternoon. I kept walking up and down searching for doctors and nurses to remind them that someone old was in the state of thirst and hunger. They provided explanation patiently, though no immediate actions taken. I was told that many else were in a more severe condition. Perhaps I was not understanding enough, I think that we should not let an old, weak, hungry and thirsty patient to wait for too long.

Wait and wait and wait. Finally it was my ah ma's turn. Looking at the colon showed on the screen, I prayed that everything would be alright. After the procedure, it was already 3 o'clock in the afternoon. I who had a full bowl of meehoon in the morning already felt the stomach growling. When asked when can my ah ma had her food, the nurses replied that the people from respective wards were supposed to take her back. So, 'on the way' was the answer. After another half an hour, I can wait no more. There I went back to the ward, bugging one of the nurses. In my opinion, they were quite helpful and considerate. Nevertheless, their speed and responsiveness in doing things may let more patients endure the suffering longer. They can be more efficient and effective. Otherwise, it is all okay.

So, there was another round of waiting. It was okay for both me and ah ma by then as she already had her stomach filled. While eavesdropping on a conversation between a filial son and his mum who suffers a stroke, I fall asleep rather quickly after the long day of running around. When it was time to go home, ah ma was really happy, so was I. Hope I did not leave an impression of being noisy, nasty or disturbing, though I think I did.

At times, I feel tired when I need to bring ah gong and ah ma for different appointments, especially when the dates are close to each other. In general hospital, a minimum of 4 hours waiting time awaiting us, besides the trouble of looking for parking space. Therefore, my dad would be the target for me to vent my frustration. His reply is always able to soothe me and make the whole thing easier to go through. There was no difference that time. ' You should be grateful to have the privilege to serve the elderly, your grandparents, because not everybody gets the chance.' This will stay in me forever as a reminder, to serve with patience, care and love.

=)

I realized the existence of my blog when randomly been asked about the blogspot link.
This place has long been abandoned, due to...?

As time goes by, writing has becoming more and more like a stranger. The habit of putting things into words is replaced by many other more important events in life. Perhaps it's me being more lazy, or I chose to record things in memories.

We have come to a point where we need to figure out what we are going to do in the near future. Questions still raised, directions still blurred. I don't want to disappoint loved ones, and I want to do my best. No matter how things change along the way, I believe everything happens for a reason, and not just by chance. We fall, we cry, we stand up, we move on. We become stronger after every setbacks that are valuable.

I am loving whatever I am doing, though I was lost in the beginning. The picture is getting clearer and I am going to embrace whatever that may come my way.

It's Friday

Now I'm on my third week of holidays, sitting comfortably in front of the computer. I can hear birds chirping, and also the typing sound of the keyboard. It is this quiet. And I shall let my brain run a little.

I have no idea how my days were spent for the past few weeks. The time just passed. Nothing much is done in a day and without realising it's time to sleep. Although the days are repetitive, I still enjoy them a lot. I can spend time cooking, reading, sleeping and many many more.

While I was enjoying myself, I noticed how busy my dad is. He is with his phone most of the time. Cigarette lit every now and then. I look at him burning his own life away and I can't do anything. Stress causes the desire for more nicotine. More nicotine increases dependency on nicotine. The worst thing was, I was sitting in front of the tv in the living room like a zombie, staring blankly at the tv screen. Other than 'Daddy, don't smoke so much la', what else can I do? I feel so helpless. Whenever I told him that, he would say that why should he stop something he likes. Forget about the ridiculous 'theory' he made up last time -'Nicotine covers the lungs and protects them from infections'? Gawd! He always tells us that he knows what are best for us. Why didn't he do it for himself? From a source I read somewhere, smoking can reduce 14 years of life. I couldn't bear the thought of that. So, apart from saying 'Oh you should not do this', is there any other effective ways to advice smokers? I don't want to hear more 'You ask the government to stop selling cigarettes la'.

Yesterday I saw dad rushing towards the door and I asked a stupid question. 'Eh going out ar?' Actually, this is one of the ways to initiate a conversation and to show concern towards the others. His reply, 'Yea. Life is not as easy as you think.'. I remember every words by heart because that sentence made me feel so guilty. Am I not doing enough? Am I not doing my best? My heart looked at the brain, nodded.

There are so many phrases about life. Life is blah blah blah. Whatever it is, life goes on. We have to learn to accept and cherish every moment we have.

舍不得

哇哇~今天是 Sem 2 的最后一天了。多快啊~~!
PBL, Food Culture Day 都结束了，可以小歇一下，充电充电。
刚刚冲咖啡的时候不小心割到手，血哗啦哗啦地流（夸张手法)。
因为Lecturers在，也不方便停下来，便一边流，一边冲。
之后就好像孩子般，每碰到一个人就说，我的手受伤了。=P
现在用滑鼠的时候有点‘手充血’的感觉。
但，我坚持写下去...che...

有短短几天的study break,得好好利用啊~~
可是，总是有其它事情会干扰。
比如说，好不容易坐下来读书的时候，突然又觉得想要打扫。
借口多多~~真是的~~

搬来跟外婆住也快一年了。
从刚开始的不熟悉，到现在舒服的相处。。
好爱她煮的每一道菜肴!喜欢和她一起谈国家大事（批评怒骂的成分占多数)
从以前每个星期都盼着周末能回家，到现在想多待一下。
如今，她快去别处帮忙照顾舅母和孩子，我不停地问，
几时去啊？又几时回来呢？
可是，去是铁定的了，回竟然还不知道。
还是会问，希望她突然说，哦，没去了。但，不是那样 =（
舍不得舍不得。
最近出门前，看着正在洗衣的外婆，我多看了几眼，看多了数秒，记住了。
有她在，会觉得比较安心跟踏实。
就算她没在身边，还是可以翻一翻记忆里的相簿，至少会感觉到温暖。

刚刚跟外婆的对话。。。

我 ：‘最近忙到傻掉料，终于可以休息一下。’
外婆 ： ‘你不是一直都在休息咩?'

我哪有!!(又好像有..@@)

结论: 我会好想念外婆 =')

=)

‘光阴似箭，转眼间，又过了。。。’
很常见的小学作文开场白。
但是，到现在，我仍然那么觉得！想必很多人都有同感吧~

暂时把笔记放一边，跑到部落格来偷懒。
离开的一个星期，是另一个创造美丽回忆的良机，
所以，无论怎样，我还是会选择，去旅行。
原本想说待不再那么忙的时候再来更新，可是怕忘了细节。
况且，‘不再那么忙的时候’还在一个角落躲着，等着我去把它给搜出来。

滴答滴答，时间，毫不留情地溜走。。
但还好，记忆它， 不会 =）

出国前，把功课交代好后，把剩下的 'Sign attendance' 的重任交给朋友。
刚开始非常焦虑，要是签不到那怎样？
之后就觉得，顺其自然吧，想太多‘如果’也无济于事，毕竟，我控制不到未来。
相信了她们，很高兴回来听到的是好消息。

这一次，不是去什么美得像世外桃源的国度，而是较没那么先进的地方---越南+柬埔寨。
有点不明为什么爹地要去那里，还是跟去了。
那里的天气跟马来西亚差不多，时差也只是一个小时。
Ho chi minh > Siem Reap > Ha Long Bay > Hanoi.
难免会有比较，顿时会觉得，哦，其实马来西亚算不错了。
由于是跟团去的，会有来自不同地方的人聚在一起。
在那短短的一个星期，一起活动，一起行走。
在最后一天的时候，说了再见，就真的见不到了。
呵呵，所以，有种很妙的感觉，感觉像作了一个梦，梦醒来，又在自己的被窝里了。
又回到了每一天一成不变的日常生活，忙啊忙。

难怪，会有人视旅行为兴趣，抑或是，有生之年要完成的梦想。
因为，它打开视野，会让人有不同的想法，不同的感触。

一、學會 沉默
有時候，你被人誤解，你不想爭辯，所以選擇沉默。本來就不是所有的人都得了解你，因此你認為不必對全世界喊話。卻也有時候，你被最愛的人誤解，你難過到不想爭辯，也只有選擇沉默。全世界都可以不懂你，但他應該懂，若他竟然不能懂，還有什麼話可說?生命中往往有連舒伯特都無言以對的時刻，畢竟不是所有的是非都能條列清楚，甚至可能根本沒有真正的是與非。那麼，不想說話，就不說吧，在多說無益的時候，也許沉默就是最好的解釋。

二、至少 平靜
在你跌入人生谷底的時候，你身旁所有的人都告訴你：要堅強，而且要快樂。堅強是絕對需要的，但是快樂?在這種情形下，恐怕是太為難你了。畢竟，誰能在跌得頭破血流的時候還覺得高興？但是至少可以做到平靜。平靜地看待這件事，平靜地把其他該處理的事處理好。平靜，沒有快樂，也沒有不快樂。
　　
三、學會彎腰 這會是我意外的收獲！
和別人發生意見上的紛歧，甚造成言語上的衝突，所以你悶悶不樂，因為你覺得都是別人惡意。別再耿耿於懷了，回家去擦地板吧。拎一塊抹布，彎下腰，雙膝著地，把你面前這張地板的每個角落來回擦拭干淨。然後重新省思自己在那場衝突，所說過的每一句話。現在，你發現自己其實也有不對的地方了，是不是?你漸漸心平氣和了，是不是?有時候你必須學習彎腰，因為這個動作可以讓你謙卑。勞動身體的同時，你也擦亮了自己的心緒。而且，你還擁有了一張光潔的地板呢。這是你的第二個收獲。

四、不要想 如果 當初
你說，人生是一條有無限多岔口的長路，永遠在不停地做選擇。如果只是選擇吃炒面或炒飯，影響似乎不大，但選擇讀什麼科系、做什麼工作、結婚或不結婚、要不要有孩子，每一個選擇都影響深遠，而不同的選擇也必定造就完全不一樣的人生。你又說，生命中不可承受之情，就在於人生沒有重來的機會啊。如果當初如何如何，現在就不會怎樣怎樣…這種充滿悵然的喃喃自語，還是別再多說了吧。每一個岔口的選擇其實沒有真正的好與壞，只要把人生看成是自己。獨一無二的創作，就不會頻頻回首如果當初做了不一樣的選擇。
　　
五、努力吧！不管成功與否 至少曾經美麗
漫步林間，你看見一株藤蔓附著樹干，柔軟與堅實相互交纏，你感動於這靜美的一幕。讓幸福與歸屬就此駐足吧。你想。不知未來會有怎樣一番風雨摧折？也許藤將斷、樹會倒，也許天會荒，地將老。你又想。那麼，請時光停格在此刻吧。停格即是永恆。永恆裡若有這靜美的一刻，未來可能遭遇的種種劫難，便已得到了安慰與報償。

六、保持單純
因為思慮過多，所以你常常把你的人生復雜化了。明明是活在現在，你卻總是念念不忘著過去，又憂心忡忡著未來；堅持攜帶著過去、未來與現在同行，你的人生當然只有一片拖泥帶水。而單純是一種恩寵狀態。單純地以皮膚感受天氣的變化，單純地以鼻腔品嘗雨後的青草香，單純地以眼睛統攝遠山近景如一幅畫。單純地活在當下。而當下其實無所謂是非真假。既然沒有是非，就不必思慮；沒有真假，就無須念念不忘又憂心忡忡。無是非真假，不就像在做夢一樣了嗎?是呀，就單純地把你的人生當成夢境去執行吧。
　　
七、偶爾’俗氣’…
吃多了健康食品，偶爾你也想啃一啃鴨舌頭和鹽酥雞。看多了大師名劇，偶爾你也想瞄一瞄耳光摔不完眼淚掉不完的連續劇。聽多了古典音樂，偶爾你也想唱一唱愛他一百年又恨他一萬年的流行歌曲。你知道健康食品對健胃整腸有意義，大師名劇對培養氣質有意義，古典音樂對提升性靈有意義，可是，偶爾你其實並不想讓自己時時刻刻活得那麼有意。人生不需要把自己綁得那麼緊。偶爾的小小放縱，是道德的。靈氣充滿或許接近大人，但偶爾的俗氣會更平易近人。

八、控制情緒 別浪費了~
今天的你，是不開心的你，因為有人在言語間刺傷了你。你不喜歡吵架，所以你離開；可是你只是離開了那，卻沒有離開被那人傷害的情境，因此你愈想愈生氣。愈有氣，你就愈沒有力氣去理會別的事情，許多更該用心去做去想去處理的事件，就在你漫天漫地的心煩意亂之中，被輕忽被漠視被省略了。因為，你只是一心一意地在生氣。在情緒上做文章，這是對自己的浪費，而且是很壞的浪費。畢竟，生氣也是要花力氣的，而且生氣一定傷元氣。所以，聰明如你，別讓情緒控制了你，當你又要生氣之前，不妨輕聲地提醒自己一句：“別浪費了。”
　　
九、抓住最好的時機 絕不錯過！
你曾經買了一件很喜歡的衣裳卻舍不得穿，鄭重地供奉在衣櫃裡；許久之後，當你再看見它的時候，卻發現它已經過時了。所以，你就這樣與它錯過了。你也曾經買了一塊漂亮的蛋糕卻舍不得吃，鄭重地供奉在冰箱裡；許久之後，當你再看見它的時候，卻發現它已經過期了。所以，你也這樣與它錯過了。沒有在最喜歡的時候上身的衣裳，沒有在最可口的時候品嘗的蛋糕，就像沒有在最想做的時候去做的事情，都是遺憾。生命也有保存期限，想做的事該趁早去做。如果你只是把你的心願鄭重地供奉在心裡，卻未曾去實行，那麼唯一的結果，就是與它錯過，一如那件過時的衣裳，一如那塊過期的蛋糕。

十、偶爾的出離軌道！
某次你搭火車打算到A地去，中途卻忽然臨時起意在B地下了車。也許是別致的地名吸引了你，也許是偶然一瞥的風景觸動了你，總之，你就這樣改變了本來預定的行程，然後經歷了一場充滿驚奇的意外旅行。A地是你原先的目標，B地卻讓你體會了小小的冒險。回憶起來，你說，那是一次令你難忘的出軌經驗。生命中的許多時候不也如此？心無旁騖地奔赴唯一的目的，不過是履行了原本的行程而已；離開預設的軌道，你才有機會發現其他的風景。
　　
十一、悄悄 悄悄地 回歸平靜..
曾經有一段時間，你心情低落，甚至懶得拉開窗簾，看著窗外的陽光。因此你當然也忘了去看看，窗台上那一盆每天都需要喝水的瑪格麗特。如此不知過了多久，總算有一天，你度過了心情的低潮，同時也想起了你的瑪格麗特。天啊，可憐的花，她還活著嗎？你戰戰兢兢地拉開窗簾，卻見她迎風招搖，花顏可掬。原來在過去的這段日子裡，你雖然忘了喂她喝水，老天卻沒忘了以雨露眷顧她呢。許多事物悄悄地在你的視線之外進行，而且悄悄地安排好了它們自己。天生萬物，天養萬物，一切其實無須擔心……你只要做的就是做好自己，不留任何遺憾…足矣。