and just like that, approximately a year has pass. so many things hav changed. i stand wif my back facing a road that was full of sharp rocks and a hell load of shit. as i look back, i m glad that i had d courage to walk/crawl out of all that shit, rather than b slashed by all those sharp rocks and just endure the pain. bcoz if i didnt, i wudnt hav known ahead of me, thr was a road pave wif peonies, pretty looking grass and sunny feeling sunshine.

"There’s a difference between goodbye and letting go.
Goodbye is ‘I’ll see you again when I’m ready to hold your hand, & when you’re ready to hold mine.’
Letting go is ‘I’ll miss your hand. I realized it’s not mine to hold, and I will never hold it again.’"

it's not mine to hold. n i will nvr hold it again. wads not urs, will nvr be. n wad is, will b, for sure 
as i look back over n over again, it reminds me that no matter how many times... time repeats, i wud wifout a doubt, hav made the same choice for me.

STAYING ON THE SUNNY SIDE OF LIFE  wif peonies and pretty looking grass! cheers~

no doubt a yr has passed. well. there will always b those times, regardless what status u might b in, single or attached, or what so ever, u will wonder what one is up to. how are u. than self-'shift' to who cares bout him. than proper shift to.. if time repeats, i wud hav done the same ting. than cv-shift to BREATHE n wooooshhhh. dats the pattern. regardless of which.. there are some ppl that cross ur life, who hav scarred u.. number one real bf, number 2 real bf and try-hard-to-b-cute once-upon-a-time-gud-fren..u will tink back all the time n wonder.. n like it or not, they hav a place in ur heart, becoz those lessons they taught u, relli made a great impact in ur life. like one of those sayings huh... every1 crosses ur path for a reason.
oh well, thr isnt any reasoning to the human heart. onli the brain trying to reason to herself, y the heart acts this way. 

none the less, looking back is one thing... dont indulge in it. b in the PRESENT bcoz that wad matters most.

its been awhile huh.

alot has happened since then. alot in the mind dats all. as usual.

i nvr wud hav imagine that i'll reach such a level of deep understanding bout my emotions and my actions. its quite unbelievable sumtimes. i wudnt hav imagine that smth like dis wud happen.

u can call it a break through? probably not

its just that.. theres just so much depth that i nvr knew..

alot may judge wad i do.. and how i invest my money in such 'they teach u to love urself, tink positive'
- as perceived by others. its hard to explain the depth of wad u gain. the onli way to 'prove' urself is by SHOWING UP. TO BE. of coz, no1 is perfect and this is no magic. it gets harder n harder i guess. the journey is the destination.
i cud hav live my life like before.. wif this sum1 by my side but i wud nvr ever hav this feeling of .. self appreciation but always self judgement.. how i wasnt doing good enuff and this n that..
an exchange? haha.. i duno. i believe God has got a plan for me n i trust that he noes best. :D

anyways, just a 9 letter word, being learnt in the course of 3 days. but its change my entire world.
so hard to explain in words how i hav arrive at this point of life.

so many tings hav happen that led me here. 

somedays i thank God for all that has happened in the past which make me who i m now.

somedays i feel small and blue and wonder wad i did to land myself here.

but the transition of why me days turn to hours and slowly to minutes.

i always felt that i m being controlled by my emotions. i hav no control wad so ever over it. that is definitely wrong. the minute u noe wad ur life intention is... than it makes it easier to make choices in life.

thats all theory huh?

reality? its been done. but it can b a rollercoaster relli.

but the key to all that.. at least for me.. is first of all.... B R E A T H E.

Gibberish?

lol. 

maybe,