BACK TO SQUARE ONE. wtf.

all the wtf times.. over n over again..
its smth i nvr ever ever ever ever.. will understand!
i duno how to express my anger...
just so PISSED!!

its soooooooooooooooooo argh !!!!!!!
no foul word can express how i feel!
NONE.
its like peave nvr happen.. ALL back to square one. EVERYTING.

wtf.
sumtimes i tink thrs just no point.
NO POINT.

i GUESS u noe one is important when u feel this way..
when u care.. more bout ones opinion then others..
but then how bout the tots of not tinking u deserve such crap at times..
wad does that mean?
does that mean lack of importance?
but everytime this happens.. thrs elevation of anger.. which then subside after awhile wif tots of knowing that imagination of a model like partner is all just an imagination and that if it were turned into reality, it might not just b wad imagination looks like.. and deep down u noe thrs no1 else that can make u feel close like urself.. like now.
imagination needs u to b who u r not and u noe that u're just not in the category of wad imagination is.
so at the end of the day.. in a good way, tings remains the same as it is.. hopefully.
because its the search of being able to still b u.. at the maximum.. not fully but enuff of u to satisfy urself rather than being sum1 u not in a dream that u imagined.
but is this just self comfort coz u cant or havent reach the brink of imagination at all?
hmmm sounds kinda deep huh.

everytime it happens.. i'm tinking that i dun deserve such treatment.
its like wtf!
its relli wtf!
i hate it.
and i wonder y i even bother.
ah the rantings r the same!
fuck.
soooooooooo petty.

[credits to idareyoutoclickthis.tumblr.com]

neglected blog.
bz bz bz..
then again its not like any1 is reading :)
just a ranting spot.
short pissiness now n then. at work.
sum ppl can b so annoying!!
sum u just wanna yell at them.. JUST to c them cry.. coz they DESERVE IT. bleh.
ok ok.. enuff of that for now.
3 presentations in a row from tomoro.
yes. sucks like hell.
but at least thrs still comfort aft work :)) muahz.

at this age, do i still need to handle such immaturity?
do i deserve that?
please.
grow up.
stop being immature and petty over smth so trivial.
tired of it.

understanding.

i now understand.
smth that u want that will make ur day,
may not b smth others want.
persisting on smth for others on smth that u like,
tinking that they will b as hapi as u on an occasion like this.
after awhile i realise that,
not every1 wants the same tings.
ppl get satisfied by diff tings.
diff ppl like diff tings.
simple tings can make one happi but on the other hand, some just prefer more extravagant tings.
takes awhile to digest this point.
but i guess the main point is doing smth that makes one happi though it wud not have made u as happi if it was u.
but FOCUS, its not about u todai :)
another day will do for u.
u as in me.
hehehe..

i feel bad and stupid.
and i hate it.
ya.. rite back in ur face huh.
oh well.

“ Life changes every minute of every day. You lose friends. You gain friends. You realize your friend wasn’t ever really your friend, and that person you used to hate can make a really good friend. You look for love. You find love. You lose love. You realize all long that you’ve been loved. You laugh. You cry. You laugh so hard that you cry. You do this, you do that. You really wish you hadn’t done that. You then learn from that and are glad that you did. You have your ups. You have your downs. You see good movies. You see bad movies. You wonder if your life is just one big movie. You look at others and wish you were them. You then realize who they are and are glad that you’re you. You love life. You hate life. In the end you just find yourself happy to be living life, no matter what’s thrown at you. ”

sumwhat true huh.
dilemma bout withs or withouts..
maybe in the end, i'll realise that im happy with..
but wad if its without anen i realise with is better..
heheheh..
like mushroom head said, follow the flow
but we recently agreed that this phrase aint so applicable anymore.
hmm.

i noe its bad to snoop around reading ppl's blog
and i understand now wad he means by not understanding the point of writing a blog announcing and stating ur feelings and actions and doings..
but anyways.. its a gud ting that u noe sum1 has made an intiative to move on..
i mean gud to noe as in.. gud for that person..
its about time to also..
after all the inflicted pain caused.. hmm..
i noe how it feels like to tink back and recall bout smth that caused so much pain and that u wudnt want to ever go BACK THERE anymore. ya. i noe dat.
anyhow.. i guess everyting will take its course.
and every1 wud b happy.
bcoz one day when u look back, u noe that everyting happens for a reason.. whether u like it now or not.. or whether u understand it or not.

I, on the other hand, is amaze bout how time flies
and how i ended up here..
i m quite clueless sumtimes bout y this decision was made and how tings ended up together and all..
but screw all that,
its painful WITHOUT
it can be a pain in the arse WITH as well.
with or without..
well with has more of its advantages SO.. with it is :)

job satisfaction.

a mom and a down syndrome pt.
mom stood at the back of the pt, pointed at him, directing me to dispense to him.
he showed very lil verbal response
but made shy nods on understanding
L-thyroxine 0.1mg od.
'hi. ur name . .?' *nods*
'taken this b4, 1 tab once a day?' *nods*
'u noe how to take this?' *nods*
'ok. take this as usual, 1 tab once a day. ok?' *nods* *nods*
'byebye :)'
mom *smile* *smile*

i noe how trivial it is.
but it made my day for a few minutes.. well coz.. i ac forgotten after awhile until now coz i'm sick of doing my tdm presentation for TOMORO. yes. tomoro.. so so so last minute. 1st time THIS last minute. relli doom.
anyways..
yar i felt good bout myself coz i made an effort to communicate with the kid.
:)

EXTENDED OTHERS

accepting one for their gud n bad..
the usual saying..
its not EASY ok.
when humans onli c ones imperfection..
but love can elude that.. for a certain duration ONLI.
kinda.. depending.
duno.
needing to accept is mandatorY, fine.
BUT the choice of accepting extended others is actually an OPTION.
and my OPTION is.. NO, i dont want to.
ur OWN extended others are ok.. coz u're born to them
but those NOT UR OWN.. u can pick.
i hate it when it comes in a package.
sucks.

its relli stupid
relli.
and i shud stop being such an idiot sumtimes.
hmm at least i admit my flaws.
kinda.

it can feel :)
and
it can feel so URGH sumtimes.
rite now its URGH !!
duno bout 2moro, but this very moment its URGH.
too lz to do anyting to un-URGH.
let it pass by itself.

loooking back of all that happened b4 this..
makes me pissy most of the time..
all that happened just to get wad u want..
hiak..
call me a bitch. coz i m :))
but at least i'm a bitch that noes she's wrong but still do it
NOT one that tink she's rite and do it
hehehe.. note the difference?

its all over now.
its just us, not us and u or u guys and me. that sorta crap.
thr are still occassional winds and storm but its inevitable but i noe it happens to every1.
whether or its all worth it.. well, i'll noe that in 5 to 10 years time i guess.
hmm i duno y m i ranting bout this.
was just looking back on how tings fall into place dats all.

time to do WORK!
case report due AGES ago.
feeling bad that i havent done it.
sigh.
need to turn my procrastination mode OFF.
hmm blogging ac is procrastinationg oledi hehehe.

how can any1 b certain?
as though given many chances but not taken..
its a wonder wad God is trying to say..
trying to prove..
its bound to happen..
and deep down inside.. its understood..
just holding on b4 it happens again..
no doubt about it..
coz its gona happen..
wonder whether its bout personalities that just dun match
or its just sum1 being 2 much..
hmm..
sum questions will nvr b answered.

finances.
its connected.
sucks.
indirectly connected.
n i dun wanna b connected in such a way.
other tings ok.
cash.. different.
yes. humans are materialistic and form real visible borders when it comes to cash.
i m human.
and i hate to foresee more of this.
and i foresee senior citizens not liking one bit of this.
and i dun wan to b one of those that they tattletale bout getting financial support.
but i hate to say it but it all comes in a package.
sucks.
and bcoz of that, my senior citizens and me is me.
and ur senior citizen is urs is urs.
not jumbling it up all together, FOR NOW.
waking up for work and coming home tired is not easy to earn.
for my senior citizens.. its ok. its birth rites.
for u. its ok. its love.
for others due to u. its love for u. hai.
wad m i rambling bout.
when u've stepped ur foot in a lil further.. everyting is connected.
but now that the whole body is not in.. then at least theres still a border... thr is still a limit.
i dont wish to b such a cheapskate but thats how humans are.
and thats how the world works.

its been a year since graduation.
kinda scary actually.
just cant help making me reminise bout vista and imu and everyting.
so much into the routine now that i nearly 4gotten bout d uni routine last time.
its fast.
the next ting u noe, i need to adapt to a new surrounding at a new posting location.
sigh.
for a person who hates changes,
its not very easy..
but..
like always, i'll get use to it.
off track.. ya graduation..
i wudnt 4get how my feet ache coz of my brand new heels that i love...
the one that i cudnt get the size anywhr in kl.. every single branch didnt hav it..
i had to get them to book the size in johor and get it thr. of coz i was planning to go thr for a day or two.
but i nvr wore it since then..
its just too painful
hehehe.. but still love it dearly hehehe...
pointed with like kinda heels..
i like :)

anyways.. graduation.
hmmm.. its more bout the whole process of getting thr rather than the few hrs of that day.
and everyting that u go thru.
i just cudnt hold the tears that day, knowing that i finally made it,
thru all the hardship and bullshit.
its not easy.
not easy for sum1 not as fast and bright as me. and the 'degrading' hardworking-ness in me.
degrading.. deteriorating hardworking-ness that is slowly dying away.... turning into procrastination.
argh..
alot of work to do.
i hav real bad time planning and time allocation... work and play. and sleep 2.
hehehe..
drifting away from graduation again.

i might not hav graduated from an oversea uni.
but i m proud that i'm from IMU (even though, alot of ppl might not heard of it.. and pronounce it as e-MU)..
correction, i'm proud that i graduated from BPHARM, IMU's bpharm, not MPHARM. not discriminating mpharm but thr is a difference in both of them.
ya, i'm proud bout it and wud nvr hav choosen otherwise if i had to. but i mean if i had the money then that wud b a whole different story...ehheeheh.. shh.

its DANGEROUS not to look 4ward to..

i dont get it how they just hafta add that 'ya, lu cho kang liaw la, tan tampok lui liaw, eh sai kong whatever lu ai'
when they dont like ur opinion
or when u say more that what u always say last time
yada yada yada yada.
ah plz.
i'm 25 for christ sake. i hav the rite the voice out my opinion that is against urs.
just coz u;re THE PARENT dun mean that ur opinion is rite and mine is wrong while i try to instill in ur mind that its 2010 and that things are changing.

but these SENIOR CITIZENS are just so... URgHhhHhH...
arent i entitled to my own opinions..
bleh..
they're just so old fashion!!

i shant say more.
the point is.. tings happened.
its common for tings to happen now that its 2010 and i tink 10 yrs down the road..
it will b more than common anen it'll just b nothing!
anyways, it happened oledi.
GET OVER IT.
pregnancy.
so.
sex done.
baby made.
marriage due to baby.
yup.
parents = senior citizen feels ashame?
then hide in ur house and dun come out then? y arent u doing so?
i noe its not so nice.. but even if u dont talk about it,
dont even say a word,
people can actually do very simple maths calculations..
so.. its ac not much of a difference.
so ya, its so common now.
bleh.

ok ok..
its ok to talk about it..
but me trying to convince senior citizens that is quite normal
need not get a fed back bout my pay and all.. when its NOT CONNECTED.

ok nvm.
my post dont sound so coherent anymore.
bleh.
SENIOR CITIZENS.

p/s: i'm not pregnant. at least i tink i'm not :p hehehe..

"then THE THING happened and i needed an outlet, plus i knew my friends were watching out for me through my blog as well. in the process, i displayed my broken heart out in the open for everyone to read -- people who are my best friends, people who only knew me for a while, people who may not like me, and eve strangers whom i never met or spoke to. looking back, it was the only way i could let people know how i was dealing with the situation because i simply could not talk about it without turning into a jelly crying machine, in public or not."

www.mademoiselleshopaholic.blogspot.com

thats just exactly how i feel.

but not every1 understand that huh.

just like my ME time.

ME time.

sundays sundays sundays.
i miss my mundane sundays.
work piling up.
logbooks to fill by july. and dats near. in a glimpse of an eye, july wud just b here.
a case report to do.
data collection for research.
and other stufffffffff...
AHHhHhHH...
how shud i balance everyting??
work n personal life??
o n ME TIME.
i find it hard to explain how important ME time is to me.
its not bout not wanting to spend time wif other ppl
but i need time of my own also.
i find it hard to explain.. so i dont bother mentioning it.
its bad to assume that ppl dun understand it b4 u even talk about it.
but..
i can predict the response.
and all the not-again moments will come again.
so ya.
y bother hav another of those moments to pile up in my TO DO LIST in my brain rite.
haiya.
life is just filled wif all the HAIYERS and WHATEVERS.
but if whatever comes.. that wud b bad.
i've been to WHATEVER .. ok for me *shakes head* but..

O V E R A N A L Y S I N G ?

i hope its a temporary ting
and i shall not over analyse this feeling
then again i'm female and i'm menstruating and my hormone levels are haywire
so.. i OVER feel.
:)
weigh pro and cons
risk and benefits
it still will boil down to the same decision.
so stil wif it.
hmm shudnt and wudnt OVER analyse this OVER feeling.

feeling tired.
drained tired.
exhausted tired.
alot of tings to do.
too many tings to juggle.
some 'wants' to juggle.. and some of 'not wants' to juggle..
getting more n more haggered, just like my mom says it.
i can feel my ribs! nth new for u.. smth new for me!
no. ASS still huge :P
heheheh...
just a random tired post.

and seriously, i just cant giv 2 shit bout wad they tink bout me.
although.. bleh..
i do kinda make a lot of mistakes.
haiya.
wad to do.
learning ppl. learning.
if i had to care bout wad every1 had to say bout me.. then i wud just b too fucking bz.
rite?
screw wad u hav to say, coz whatever u wanna bitch bout me.. i have 10 times more to bitch bout u.
enuff said :)

its gud that way.
it is
sumtimes the 'heart' just feels 'itchy'.
but now that its dat way.
its gud.
just cudnt b bothered anymore.
cudnt b.

all is gud.
and all is in the mind :)

working opd is nuts and its just the 2nd day.
on call is so so.. but its just the 2nd day as well.
CA presentation tomoro is just gona go down the drain tomoro.. i mean later.
bleh.. blame it on our 'chin-chai-ness' now and .. THAT.
i mean.. u cant change it oledi.. so oh well GET OVER IT.
its just too bad. life's not fair.
some ppl kiss ass and get wad they want and ppl like us who dont just get our ass kicked instead.
BIAS-ism + CHINESE-ISM = yuck-ISM = Ms Paul frank. ewww.

anyways, eyes tired.
u noe how u feel when ur uterus is feeling tired and strained during menstruation esp the 1st day..
THAT is how my body feels like.
imagine being that tired.. anen u get a call from the doctor..
its like !!!!!! call later plz after i get enuff sleep :(
blah.. but what IS enuff sleep anyways. gud point huh?

owing MEDUSA work.
dued tomoro but.. not done yet.
so SCREW IT realli.
coz i dun care anymore.
FRIDAY.. yes.. i will TRY finish it then.
oh yes u said... not TRY... U MUST by supposedly tomoro.
sien.
chia chia sien.
so i m pretty much.. D E A D.
but wad the hell.. my battery recharge is back on THURS :)) \o\ |o| /o/ muahz.

many tings to juggle.
happy tings and sucky tings.
clinical presentation..
clinical presentation again...
cristical appraisal presentation...
3 weeks in a row..
phew..
cant wait till its over.
but i bet smth will creep up then..
o not 4getting on call next week..
1-10pm at the end of may..
A&E shift on gawai.. but dun quite matter coz i dun celebrate it.
hmph.

anyways, reviving of the blog.
hiak.
i'm sure no1 noticed.
but after the rush of deleting..
and the contemplating..
well..
thr will b less of blogging but yet still reviving this..
bcoz it felt that if i did.. it wud just b erasing my pass..
erasing wad i went thru THEN.. b4 this.
and that part of my life.. though hard..
it meant smth..
smth in documentation..
to hell wif those that dun understand..
'bun, why not u just open a word file and type it in there'
its true. if u dont want ppl to read it then dun post it up..
but i just want certain ppl to read it..
nvm.
considering the pre-deletion.. that most of ppl think its deleted and wont check anymore is good..
then again.. just go ahead and check.. thr wont b nth interesting for u to pawn on.
just not deleting it..
tings that happen whenever and whenever is who i m now.
from my count down to end of eos to any shitty shit.
so oh well.

life's ok
just ok.
not great.
but great wud b too nice, so thats not gud either.
i dont noe wad i foresee.
dont noe.

well, its kinda hard sumtimes to not tink that maybe karma wud just cum n bite u in the ass.
if its gona happen, its gona happen.
and just let shit takes its course.
bcoz better to realise now then next time.
hopefully of coz, thrs a chance to realise.
hmm.

“ There is no person in the world who is made to handle every punch that’s thrown at them. We aren’t made that way. In fact, we’re made to get mad, upset, sad, be hurt, stumble and fall. We aren’t supposed to be able to handle everything. But that’s what makes us stronger in the end, by learning from the things that hurt us most. ”
[www.idareyoutoclickthis.tumblr.com]

learning and remembering too much of what have hurt u, makes u built up more walls so that no1 can pass thru it. opening a window is not enuff. a door plz, open up a door for entrance.

i miss my Christina Yang.

gona start counting.
why?
coz i just want to.

NO. 1 = 001 AMB.

i m tired.
seems like whatever i do, i dun seem to get any REST.
not even when im on hols!
thr was just onli one time during phuket that i relli felt relaxed.
dats bad.
thrs always seems like smth i hav to do.
some work to do.
some tings to handle.
but if things change, i wudnt b happy bout it either.
yar.. i m a very undecisive person.
this also beh tang, that also beh tang.
yar.. and a hard to plz person 2.
what to do.

i just wish i can just release it all and b carefree.

OFF TO PHUKET... I gOooOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! :)

i felt a tinge of disappointment.
i try to fend off the feeling but its still thr.
i noe i shudnt b feeling this way but thr are just some feelings that comes uncontrollably.
i try to self-reinforce myself that this is not the tings that u shud b looking at.
i mean.. hmm..
i guess i expected more.. but i wudnt say too much.

oh well,
if there is a change, then it wasnt genuine at all.
and that wud mean a hell load of shit.
but i noe deeep down its not.
its not.

when i was young.. he always told me how it was like to study in the States.. how winter felt.. how his housemates were.. the ppl that he met thr.. the tings that he did.. how the car engine wudnt start during the winter... how door are design to pull from inside and not push from outside so that u can get out during the winter.. how they buried the chicken in soil, coz it was cold enuff to freeze thr.. how he travelled paris, rome, italy bla bla bla.. all sorts

and as a young gal i wud envy that..

and he said.. when u get to study overseas.. at the same time u get to travel..

and i agreed.. and hope one day it will turn out just like dat.. and experience wad he did..

BUT

it nvr happened.

and now as i glance thru pics and video of those that were thr and are thr..

and i envy them.. i relli do.

and i recall.. of those words once told..

BUT

it isnt any1 elses fault.. kinda..

the economic down turn happened..

and shit happens..

so.. here i m..

IF

only they decided not to come back for the sake of the old man and stayed in the States or in England..

then i wud the most banana person in the PANG family

and not speak a word of Hokkien..

and i might not even b a pharmacist..

and i wudnt hav met Vina and Ruby..

and i wudnt hav met Ame, Daph and Priss..

and i might not hav known Him..

and i wudnt hav met Cheeky gal, Baby, Lai Peng, Gian Wan..

and .. wad else?

o maybe be soooooooo fat on carbs.. or hav this super accent to 'spit' around when i come back to this land called Malaysia to meet my grandpa every 2 years and say nasi lemak as.. 'NA-SEY LER-MARK'.. heheheh..

ok just imaginating wad it cud hav been if he wasnt chinese enuff and din care that he had the obligation to come back coz he was the oldest son..

ya..

BUT

i guess..

if time were to repeat..

and if i had a say..

i wudnt hav it ANY OTHER WAY.

BUT

i wudnt mind to hav a glimpse of wad cud hav happen on the road not taken by THEM.

but God makes tings this way.

and so it shall b this way :)

hope all goes well.
and that issue rest in peace.. RIP... from the look of it.. yup.
and that from now on everyting will turn out gud.

but me being a pessimist..
and a strong believer that 'tings u imagine, dun come true'..
its hard to belief in this sumtimes..

u cant c the future SO u duno.
but no matter what it is.. thrs always this tot of 'the road not taken' <-- yes, Robert Frost.

nevertheless, just follow the flow.
tings meant to b will happen at the end..
and tings not.. will just not.

Ever have that one person in your life that you just can't give up on, the one person that can screw you over time after time, yet u always seem to give them another chance and no matter how many times you say this is their last one, you know its a lie because there's always just one more waiting for them. The one person you know you're better off without but yet you cant find a way to let them go because deep down inside, you wouldnt know what to do without them. The one person you know doesnt deserve you but yet you choose to overlook it because you love him.

[idareyoutoclickthis.tumblr.com]

yup. all int the name of L O V E.

sumtimes it sucks to noe this fact.

HuMaNs.

drifting apart.

it happens.

we're all busy.
or is dat just my own excuse?

i am not looking 4ward to it.

not at all.

dun feel that it is in my comfort zone anymore.

or so i tink so.

duno.

i mentioned it b4

and u told me that it isnt the case

after u bcum in a r/ship for a long time, just like u, ya base on ur experience.

but that is not true.

u're the same 2.

she's the same 2.

so i chose to b the same.

at the end of the day, its just whoever next to u.

hmm but i tink maybe i'm just not used to it yet.

so near, but yet so far

and

so far, but yet so near

i was just wondering how the, as-i-wud-c-her-now, termed lil high skool kid, see it.
cud b quite entertaining huh.
and interesting.
and funni.
considering that she's seen 2.
oh well, entertaining i suppose, for her.
which reminds me i gotta 'play' high skool teacher for her soon.
SETS & QUADRATICS.
huhuhu..
i wud love to help.. but.. i duno nuts bout sets..
but for the gud of every1's soul :P
will need my OWN lil sis to teach me.. so that i can be teacher to ANOTHERS lil sis.
hehehe..
what to do.
need to giv the 'elderly' some peace of mine, hoping that a pharmacist wud do sum gud
*fingers crossed*
hehehe..

wad to do.
sumtimes.. thrs just alot of these 'wad to do' tings.
the onli ting that u can say.. bcoz it happened already.
tings can happen so fast..
too fast..
by the time u realise it..
it already happened.
wad to do.

hmmm......
but then that wud just b too 'selamba'... wudnt it?
duno.
trying hard to prevent it?
at least at the end of the day, though all has happened, at least u hav done what u cud do to 'salvage' the situation.
ormaybe doing nth is probably the best way to salvage urself.
wad m i ranting bout?
heheheh..

the word salvage makes me tink of NQ of BED20, feet cant be salvage already, gangrene.
kinda sad huh 24 yrs old.
on 5 analgesia, out of which 3 are opioids.
all staff are sick of her whining of pain.
coz everyting has been done.
i reckon one of the reason cud b.. erm base on her social history.. is that she isnt opioid naive..
so the threshold is high.. so lil amounts of opioid cant help in relieving her break thru pain.
but nvrtheless.. quite kesian.
just waiting for amputation.
sometimes tings like that forces u to noe how lucky u r.

hmm c.. wad to do.
LIFE's A BITCH.

2nd week in the ward..

u tend to get some approval from around, of ur tiny weeny role..

that they do question it..

but hell.. i just wana get my requirements done.

minus that, theres alot of tings going on...

sadness then joy..

joy and sadness..

anger..

laughter..

everyting..

hm.. make u feel mixed..

u duno wad to expect everyday..

its tiring.

i mean honestly i dont do that much..

its not easy to try to make an impact u noe, when there isnt much to change.. drug related tings i mean.

how can u question the use of cefoperazone and metronidazole when its the post op order from the main OT?

but whatever it is, hope all the trivial tings that i did and will do make a small small difference.

it is quite hard to maintain a straight face when a patient just say thank you and u hav to act like its just nth and that u get thank you'S' all the time, when u dont. hehehe... small gestures in life to appreciate.

hmmm..

we shud try appreciate all the lil tings in life. we shud. i mean, I SHUD.

A lot of bad things are going to happen to you.

First of, you're going to die.

So, that said, there's nothing much to worry about.

No matter what else happens,

you really only have two options:

you can either handle things well and be happy

or

you can handle them poorly and be miserable.

[credits to www.idareyoutoclickthis.tumblr.com]

Just two options. Pick one.

*nods*

*fingers crossed*

and all will b well.

*sigh*

wu si pun chin sien le. bo pien.

its sigh of relief of coz.

bcoz...

of whatever ever ever.

retaliating no more.

and coz..

its a WEEKEND ALREADY! :)

wearing wedges in the wards and climbing up 7 flights of stairs while doin clinical is not advisable.

but makes u look better eh.

and its easier to look around during ward rounds hehehhe..

not swallowed by the crowd..

wonder if angeline does it or not?

kinda miss just abit of the time in when we were in hosp seremban :)

thr was alot of fuss but its ok fuss.

we actually look smart here kekeke..

1st week of clinical.. erm.. not yet reached my weekly target.. bleh..

sometimes not being constrained by a superior watching u..

makes me lzzzzz...

but like ms jaime says it..

'u can take off... of coz u can.. but if u can reach ur target.. i can fail u'

hehehehhe..

its been a long long week.

bout time to pamper oneself wif

grape ice scrub,

face mask,

gtalks and 3G video calls :))

tpn tpn tpn tpn..
is not liking tpn tpn tpn..
its not that its not a gud ting.. i'm just not INTERESTED!
vitamins.. lipids.. dextrose.. glamin.. glycophos.. bla bla.. argh!!
just another week.. tenk gosh..
to hell if i cant fullfill the requirement.. to hell wif it.
but i tink when i go into clinical.. i'll b missing tpn for sure.. for sure.

hmm..
on another note..
takes time u noe.. to UN-pause back..
every single one made an impact so i guess u try not to let the same mistake happen again this time round..
but coz of dat.. steers up alot of problems..
just by being too cautious.. over cautious..
and issues here and there..
its alot to handle relli..
gradually..
slowly..
need time to adjust..
its all fine.
adjusting is fine..
adjusting to make all tings fine..
nth cant b done wif time :) hmm ac depends. hehehehe..

smiles smiles smiles :)
that i look 4ward to.

ups and downs
down and ups
yada yada yada yada..
get d picture..

oh well..
down yest
up todai
yada yada yada yada..

regardless of ups and downs
thrs an understanding.
existed long time ago
long long time ago
this kinda bond
no matter wad happen
why.. i duno myself..

pretentious at times we might b.
oh well.

anyways, less than 24 hrs for recharging!! *muahz*

Remembering.

every1 have a part of their life or an incident in their life that they do not want to remember or do not want to be reminded of. every1. including u & me... them & we... he & she. every1.

that i wud say is just part of life.

not wanting to remember is actually remembering not to remember.

but whether u remembered it or not

or u've been reminded of it..

it has already happen..

and things that has already happen is known as the past.

u might not like how it makes u feel when u remember it or when u are reminded of it

but who noes, in the near future, u might just end up laffing bout it.

because what that u dont want to remember, whether u like it or not, is what makes who u r todai..

if every single detail din happen and if u din try to remember to remind urself not to remember it than u might not just turn out as stubborn as u r or as paranoid or as selfish or as quiet or as... whatever u r.

every ting that happens shapes out ones character... into a better one.. or maybe into a sucky one 2.. depends.

hmmm... what m i ranting about.

its just relli random. reli just random.

nth happened.

just felt random.

fuck.

ah fuck fuck fuck.
2 accidents in 2 days.
my gawd.
the 1st day i din move at all, also kena langgar. gosh.
2nd day was my wrong. sigh but i shudnt hav paid that ah pek wif that old van that much of money.
burn in my pocket. i mean i cud easily earn that from a days pay, its just dat.. sigh..
then again.. how much less can i bargain from a chinese ahpek that clearly wanna makan my money.. but its my fault i knock his car.
so now sui sui lo.. scratch each at one side of my bumper. sum more its not like my car is silver.. zzzz...
hmm luckily i din buy a black car..

oh well.

wad happened has happen.
buts its like !!! wtf, y me.
i sense a bad week.. plus i'm on call for tdm. hai. so far so gud but i duno wad i'll say by the end of mon morning.
i guess i'm the type who panic too easily.. comes along wif low confidence i guess?
i duno. i duno. i duno.
but this cant beat charles having 2 accidents in the same week and the 2nd accident happened coz he was trying to kill a mosquito in the car. :) hehehe..
yar.. i cant b all moody about this.
wud not b.

i tink i need to stop procrastinating.
if not i'll b real sad soon. . .
huhuhu...
research and presentation..
sigh.
need to b more hardworking. NEED. NEED. NEED.

and on call is the whole of next week!
smth might just go wrong..
lets hope not.
lets hope no1 commits suicide wif pcm in the middle of the night.
plz plz.. commit suicide during the day :)
or better still use smth else.. NOT pcm..
hehehe..

*notes to self* do NOT ...-repeat-.... do NOT.. get pissy at the doctors! only when necessary of coz. this part wud b relli inevitable. but if i get pissy unnecessarily, i'm gona b in deep shit. yes, deep shit.

ups and downs of work.
hmmm on the bright side..
Jan pay day is tomoro
AND
Feb pay day is a week aft dat..
AND
CNY IS COMING!!!!! YAY!
AND
Piggy is coming back :)) its been awhile. :)) need some recharging :P *hugz*

angel & devil on muh shoulder.

MicHieBuN: DO unto others what they hav done unto u?
*bows*

angel: but the world dun just revolve around u and u're being too sensitive.

devil: hmm so! well, if one happens to b pissy.. then let me just repeat..
DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT THEY HAV DONE UNTO U.

angel: i guess i shudnt. REM how it use to feel like when others do unto u.
how u wud one that sumbody to get outa ur way so that u wudnt tink about it already.

devil: hmmm..

angel: its stupid. so not gona prey.
it was not so much coz of the sense of insecurity but more of curiosity.

devil: zzzzzzzzzzzz.... just to find an inch of sadness?

angel: duno. guess i've got wad i wanted so shud just bug off and b happy :))

devil: then wud sum1 not check on me?! kinda pointless now considering
there is no motive of wanting to noe .. zzzzzz...

angel: then both shudnt check on both. happy?

devil: fine. but if one checks then the other shud 2. fair and square.
is check the rite word? bleh.

angel: ac its just bout random tots.

devil: i duno y ppl care.

angel: wad makes u tink any1 care?
yup. just leave it and dun bother about others.
smile. u're happy :)

ANGEL wins (for now.)

i guuess... and i tink its time to.. not lie in the low.
zzzzz...
yes though quite reluctant..
but its time to start tinking and showing the urge to learn..
suppose to be that way..
just been too lzzzzz.. too too lz..
ya.. like he calls it.. LAZY ASS :[

i noe that i noe tings..
but i dun make the effort to go dig deep in my memory to resurface it..
hmm i guess after all the ups and downs and money dumped in

just to get a piece of paper named DEGREE of pharmacy (Hons)

and having the honour of wearing that square hat..
it'll b more worthwhile to make gud of the knowledge.. i mean.. to recall those lost knowledge hehehe..
yar.. if i tink deep into it.. i've relli wud hav expected alot more from myself.. reli..
but wad the heck.. better not start mourning over myself and do smth bout it. :)

graduation..
it felt just like yesterday..
sitting in between of all ppl.. crazee ridzam and menaka..
tears of joy just cudnt stop streaming downn my face.. tinking that i finally made it.
wasnt an easy ride ok ppl.
and wasnt easy to hide those tears 2 hehehehe..

if i rem that very moment.. i wud go the extra mile to learn.. to noe what thr is to noe..
to b ermm... a gud pharmacist ? hehehhe..
i just hope my brain can contain so much.

P/s: Dear God, plz not made this determination temporary.. well at least last for a mth?