oh my...its the last day of the year.

Gudness me.. it’s the last day of the year oledi…
New yr resolutions…. Erm…
I wudnt b too ambitious….
I tink I’ll b too humble if I wanted to not be soo pissy next yr… coz I can feel a lot of pissiness n bitchiness coming soon…
But but.. I cant help it.. some ppl are just so irrationale!!!
THEY just get on my nerves u noe..
She does..
And the other she does..
Hmph.
Thanx for making my spiritual life “easy”!
I just dun get it.. i nvrrrrrrrrr… and will nvr ever..
Sometimes.. my inner monologue wants to EXPLODE!!!
Omg.. if humans dun hav inner monologues… I tell u.. I’ll b doom forever..
Thr’ll b a lot of…
“whatever!”
“get outta my face, bitch”
“wud u shut up already, damn it”
“wad the heck!!”
“omg.. did that just came outta ur mouth!”
Etc etc etc.. so many I dun even recall…
Bleh.
I’ve been feeling quite abit of pissiness recently..
And all I do when my inner monologue is racing is.. roll my eyes..
Urgh… yar recent pissiness…
I do not understand how some ppl dun sit down and hav some ME time.. anen R E F L E C T…
Is it normal not to?? Or m I just the odd one dat does?? But the last time I check.. IT IS NORMAL…
I dun giv a damn if u’re the only child.. or if ur parents are divorce… or u just whatever whatever..
I dun c why any1 shud b made an exception if they hav such a selfish personality aside from those that are… crippled or blind or… anything disabled…
Tink about it…
if 1 person tinks u’re selfish.. fine..
2 people… fine
5 people… ok acceptable…
10 people.. still sorta acceptable..
20 people.. at such high number… U TINK!!
I seriously can get half of the class in agreeing wif me on dat… and dats more than 20 ppl..
I honestly.. treat u as a fren.. yar a fren.. not being pretentious..
Sometimes I wud like to giv u the benefit of the doubt… BUT ur actions NVR EVER make it easy..
Why do u always hafta make life so hard for urself??
Shudnt it b time to reflect on urself???
How can u tink that its everybody elses problem.. when its YOURS…
I’m not an angel… but.. I dun care that I’m complaining…
The old bun wud hav gone in fits oledi…
And I seriously need to praise myself…
Aside from complaining to the ppl around.. I haven’t even snap in front of this person…
And I seriously have been so kind.. to try not to talk to her if I dun hav to…
In michele’s standard.. this is oledi considered… real G O O D.
Plz plz plz ..Plz dun push me to the limit oledi…
And if I hear abit of another twisted F A C T yes… TWISTED FACT… from ur mouth from sum1 else..
I’m sori but.. dats dat.
Dun step on my tail… I’m a bitter woman.. n u wudnt like it.
This particular sum1… ok .. my English isn’t superb.. my spelling is horrible.. my grammar is just junior english level… but when I get pissy at sum1.. I seriously tend to get annoyed at their English..
Its so annoying u noe.. how can u make such grammatical error.. like…“I dun meaning to…”
But I guess I’m being bias la..
The sound of this person’s phrased English.. just makes me wanna leave and get out of the room.. my inner monologue.. “ah whatever” *imagines myself leaving*.. hehehe…
Am I making any sense??
It ac is a known fact that such ppl have such actions… it ac is so her.. dat its embedded in her personality oledi.. her personality=selfish…
I guess.. it will always b the same le…
I’m kinda disappointed in her partner.. he deserves better.. but.. love is blind and I definitely agree wif dat .. but dat is none of my business...





Oh… yar new yr resolution.. hehehe… first…Most important ting TO GRADUATE IN MAY 2009! .
Second… be nice???
Nah. ;P

uncalled for.

Lipstick jungle is like a reflection on what we WERE, what we HAD.. do note the use of past tense..
Its inevitable really..
Sometimes it feels like a real thin line..
I try not to blame any1 but its kinda hard.. and honestly I tink that I dun bear responsibility at all.. even if I did.. just 10%.. I played my part as I shud hav.. and if time repeats.. it wud still b the same.
It all boils down to priorities.. I guess every1 hav diff priorities with the addition of work n relationship..
I get it.. I get it.. I wud say I have my own..
But sumtimes me not being u guys... cant comprehend..
But u’re actions are predictable.. u dun c any1 else when u’re into IT… that I dun get.. as years pass by.. it sorta became embedded into ur identity… so whenever ur IT come along.. I nvr expected much of u really.. this isn’t at all envy.. definitely not.. I wud nvr say this coz it sounds mean.. but having a life just revolving around ur boy (ya, not man) most of the time is.. pretty… sad. But I guess in the long run when every1 else gets married mayb dat wud b of more advantage huh.
I always tot of this part of u this way.. but I noe I am no1 to say anything in this area of ur life..
I guess I noe I shudnt blame any1..
But things like this takes its natural course..
Like I said a thin line…
but every1 is bz…
and its hard to maintain a frenship.. not everything is perfect..
but I noe that we all hav good intentions for this..
and I noe for sure that we do plan for things to go till forever n whenever..
but no matter wad.. I noe they’ll b there… and I’ll b thr.. at least thats comfortable to noe..and not assume..
sometimes it feels quite virtual.

N btw its just a random tot that pops out in my mind once in awhile and not due to anything that has happened.
Nth is happening n my life is not even close to dramatic… aside from shouting at one of my Seremban housemate.. wud u call that drama?? Hehehhe… but it all ended well.. I’m sori but I was just being me telling off sum1 like her.. n I wudnt do it any other way.
U noe.. my batchmates are just waiting for 6 gals stuck in a house in Seremban to.. EXPLODE..
Well, if u dun count me shouting..as an explosion then.. I’m sori to disappoint u guys.. for now… ;P

1st week in Seremban hospital

Hospital attachment.. this time round it felt better than in sem 6… I knew it wud b better..
Everything feels like in a slower pace.. a more comfortable pace…
Not having the feeling of being mocked by my lack of knowledge unintentionally like in the Klang hospital.. bleh.. bad memories.. uek still dun like miss-i-look-like-a-horse-and-like-olive-popeye's wife...
But anyways a hospital IS a hospital…
Its like the minute u go into the wards.. u feel the sadness aura.. get d picture??
There was one time in the ward yest.. whr a patient was wif a dr covered by the hospital drapes .. n the patient was shouting n hauling n crying all at the same time.. while the dr shouted to ask him to calm down to allow her to do some procedure… it sounded so nerve wrecking… his daughter was just standing out there… helpless… sad. Most of the patients around r malay n Indian coz it’s a third class ward… sigh.. its saddening le.. u c them but u cant help them much.. not even the dr sometimes…
A batchmate of mine was saying “I’m nvr gona let my parents stay in a third class ward and let medical students check them etc etc”.. I was kinda piss off.. no. 1 its teaching hospital so duh.. and in order for medical students to learn n b a real dr they need to do REAL PRACTICALS… u noe I dun mind to contribute as a patient towards their learning k.. no. 2 she is SO not ‘INTACT’ wif reality.. yar those rich brats… NOBODY WUD WANNA B IN A THIRD CLASS WARD…. Logic.. common sense.. whr did dat go I wonder… if every1 had money then third and second class wudnt even exist…. But reality isn’t so… u shud look down at those less fortunate then u and try to accommodate to their needs… I tink the ting that less fortunate ppl dread of is getting sick.. tink of the medical cost.. tink of no1 working to feed the family… sometimes rich brats like her shud just b stuck in Africa or some ulu place to taste what its like to b poor and not get want all the time… tinking about it pisses me off!

Hmm on a lighter note… overall being in Seremban isn’t dat bad… after all its just 6 gals in an apartment for A WEEK only… d drama haven’t started?? Beats me ;P tenk goodness we get to go back during the weekends…

Was in the IMU clinical school lib in Seremban.. and this was wad I noticed…

I was sitting at the couch… my view on my right…

My view on my left….

Hehehehe… c wad IMU does to medical students.. make them really really tired….
U c ppl.. being a doctor.. isn’t dat easy..
Dats y I’m a pharmacist =)

cranky + pissy .. NOT in english.

Shesh
Ta pai di chia.. eng eng tu ai kua lang eh bin sek cho lang.. hek si..
Na si kong wa wu chia.. wa chia bo kuan la!!
Wu hospital attachment di seremban..
So tiok ai ki hia kia…
Then ma tiok ai chak mattress ma.
Then ma tiok ai iong chia lo..
Then a fren chun chun pun ai ki..
Then mai ma huan pak eh batch mates since e lang pun tiok ai chak ka ki eh mik kia..
So ask chi leh fren ki..
But then e ai 10pm baru ki…
Ane late..
Then wa ma ka e kong 9pm.. anen e kong ok lo..
But sio lai sio ki…
Ane late liaw.. kau seremban tu kui tiam liaw.. ai settle down kok then kui tiam liaw..
Another fren wu offer kong chai wa but… e eh chia beh tang fit the mattress…
Then wa tu sio wa ka wa other fren ki..
Then the other fren.. kio e gia wa eh mattress ki la…
Then she was like !! kong e beh chai whr my place is..
Wa ma beh chai!!
Ka e ki pun si beh chai la…
Wa eh chai kio e cho mik kia but then yu bo kio e ki..
But e beh hiaw kak considerate…
Then again she dun noe wad being considerate is all about… plus abit of selfishness…
E beh hiaw sio lang tiok ai settle down..
Then again wa yu beh ka… ka e kong kio e kak considerate..
Ah bo hamang gia wa eh mattress ki…
Bleh…
Na si , si wa.. sum1 ask help e gio mattress nia.. wa just help la…
H E L P.. dun ppl nowadays get it!
Aiti… if wu chia… wa tu mien sio kau ane che ok
Kui tiam sio ai ki tu ki la..
Mien kua lang eh bin sek ok..
Ai kong lang tu kong..
Ai show ka ki beh song tu show la…
Hai..
Nvm.. I just got a batchmate tu chai wa ki and gia wa eh mattress….
Heng chai wa ma eh pat che lang…
I seriously cant wait till I stay in kch again.

MUH CUPS!!!!!!

blardy piss... blardy piss.. at the moment...
y the hell does my housemate need to MOVE AWAY my cups into the cupboard?!?!?!
she puts it in, i take it out.. wudnt dat b quite obvious that i dun wan them in...
ANEN she puts them in AGAIN... do i NEED to store my cups in my room... dats PATHETIC!!
wad is her PROBLEM!!
i dun c how any of my cups interfere wif her cutlery life!
SO WAD if i hav... 7 cups...
no1 said one person = one cup only in the house!!
absurd!!
does she have a problem wif me stacking my cups wif the plates n the bowls??
no space ba in the cup area...
DON'T CHANGE MY CUP PLACEMENT!!
so wad la if every1 in the house has A CUP when i hav 7...
blardy.
i prefer to have more cups... ABUDEN.
urgh...
maybe i shud just make a bigger cup area... then it wun clutter the plates + bowl area...
wud dat make her happy then?!?!?!
gosh!
y m i piss about my cups? cozzzzzzzzzz... i dun like ppl to move my THINGS!! yes u can touch them... BUT put them back whr it belongs!!! yar... whr it BELONGS...

DEDICATED TO EVA TAN LEE YIN

Eva is homesick…
I noe she is =))
Knowing her for erm… 10 years.. omg..10 years..

I feel obliged to make her even MORE HOMESICK ;PP

This is for you, PEEVA.

i ate this wif ur mom n my mom. slurp! so cheap... 3 for 10... cheap sale man..

and i ate durians FOUR DAYS in a ROW *buRp*

FRIED SIO BEE from jase tea house.. yala DUNO WHO dat time mms me pic of fried sio bee la..

i mms to u.. but beh koi... PAYBACK!

open air kolo mee =))) yum. yum.

BUT i noe wad eva miss the MOST....

ME!!! like my new hair cut ?? ;P

i m R A N D O M I N G

last weekend till this week is all bout the haiya's'... and the sighing... and the pissiness in the house of God... knowing that u shudnt blame others for getting angry at them.. lashing out at them...
i mean OK...ITS THEIR FAULT... but... if u cud control urself at least alil and learn to shut the heck up then it wud hav been better... ok ok.. the onli reason that i'm angry at myself for being angry is coz i "lashed" out at sum1.. just 2 words... SHUT UP... its ok in a normal basis but in church.. just feels wrong.. although i noe God is EVERYWHERE.. hehehe.. ok i sound so redundant n illogical etc etc.. whatever..
i mean... i can hear chia woon laffing in my head oledi.. but i just feel bad... bleh. nvm.
the words came out of my mouth.. it sounded harsh-er than it was meant 2.. and it was kinda loud... but u noe...there isnt anything about my voice that is not loud so thats just it.
but u just cant help it.. when sum1 keeps complainin n complainin... and make nth smth... u get the picture... its like a noise buzzing n buzzing... like a bumblebee there at ur ear... u just wanna smack and pound it...
if u wanna whine n whine bout some petty stuff and is so reluctant to serve GOd than u noe wad... God probably b whining to u when u c him after u die... He might be reluctant to even judge u... coz y... He doesnt wanna waste His time... HAH.. TASTE UR OWN MEDICINE.
ok i'm no better saying that bout sum1.. just piss.
i ac still belief in karma... and so karma happens la.. (i noe i shudnt.. but i belief in Jesus more than karma =])

moving on to the next 'topic' / 'wonder' (omg.. i keep saying "moving on to" in my research presentation i even use it here.... had to present 3 mock-presentations ok... friday, sunday, tues... gosh.. which was gud in a way... keep altering to better it)..
anyways... specking of this other topic... (yes.. do note that this blog is meant for grumbling and ranting.. which is wad i m doing)...
its a wonder WHY some ppl... they just dun seem to b humble at all...
i dun get it...
they'll say tings like "i'm gud at...." ah whatever i cant seem to recall all those NOT SO humble sentences...
sometimes they do tings waiting to b praised.. but u just b nice le... giv them praises although u tink otherwise.. wad the heck la... they make u lie to them... they force u to lie! stupid.
but i guess being 2 straight forward all the time wun get u anywhr..
its like if sum1 looks gud in a dress... ask ur opinion about it.. then u say the dress is nice...
BUT if she keeps standing in front of u asking n asking u at the same time tapping ur shoulder... and u continuously praise her... and she still continuously tap ur shoulder... its like "get u n u freaking dress OUTTA MY FACE!!!....ENUFF OLEDI!... get wad i mean...
hehhehe...
this is so random...
and my analogy sucks...
but nvm. ;P

Research result presentation is a week from now... i'm 3/4 done...
still need to brush up on my discussion...
and my presenting skills...
lab work done =)))))))))))))
no more sleepless nites in the lab =)))))))))))
but thesis writing coming up =((((((((((((((((
BUT who cares bout that yet... coz i'm going home in 9 DAYS!!! packing in progress... sori le i'm too anxious.. ;P
laid back life in Kuching... where lifts move slower... tap water runs slower.... and... whr mom's nagging sound like music to my ears... sounds gud to me =) hehehe...

Super LONG update.

I;ve been bz… been bz ..been bz.. so I’ve got no time to update…
Only till now that I get to settle down and sorta slow down….
The previous emo post is already so ancient and I’ve already gotten over it ages ago!!

The pass mth plus has been quite hectic..and bzzzzzzzzzzzz…..
Ups and downs… in terms of research of coz.. bleh.. if u wanna experience all the different variations of emotions in life.. ok I mean MOST of the emotions in life.. I suggest u do RESEARCH..
Wtf..
Happy.
Sad.
Angry.
Disappointment.
Excitement.
Laziness. Tiredness. [I dun tink these are emotions rite ;P]

Anyways…
mistakes here and there…
uncertainties here and there…
4getfullness here and there….
That’s what research is all about and I HATE IT.

But thank goodness my lab partners are sane ppl…

every1 have their flaws..

so I guess it sorta balance up..

I mean so far we haven’t gotten into major trouble…

aside from that UV spectrophotometer, that thank God we din burn the UV bulb that cost 2k but just the tungsten bulb that cost a few hundred

BUT there hasn’t been any word of us needing to pay for it…

and I’m gona PRETEND that it nvr happened and not ask any1 about it..

just in case we hafta pay

*gRin*

ignorance is bliss.
Dun ask me how a stupid tungsten bulb can cost a few hundred..

its pathetic.

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Every time that I hear sum1 telling me that there was riot in town i’m relief that I wasn’t there…
I mean it is quite likely that I might b around there on a Sunday for church…
The other time when anwar had this huge thingie whr all the ppl were in yellow to protest for duno wad..

I was in masjid jamek for church but at that time it ended oledi..

I cud only c a lot of ppl in yellow hats or smth there…
BUT

last Saturday I went to church alone.. and after leaving Mcd wif my Spicy McChicken Deluxe (*YummY*).. suddenly I saw like a riot going on at the opposite street… wth.
People carrying candles, Malaysian flags, coloured banners that I wasn’t quick enuff to notice and read… they were like chanting and walking along the street…
B4 this I felt that it was quite odd that there were polices controlling the traffic…
Was kinda worried u noe.. wad if the ppl in the riot started to get all emo and agitated and angry then pick a fight wif who ever… then it wud b such a havoc…
Scared le for sure
So I quickily head to the lrt station and get in.. felt safer there…
A lot of ppl at the station were taking pics wif their camera phone.. so I did 2..
but my 2 megapixel phone wasn’t gud enuff to capture a gud pic though…

1st ‘riot-looking’ experience…

The country feels so luan now a days…
People like me who dun even bother to read the papers…

and even I’m aware of the 16th September thingie…

I dun giv a damn bout politics and I’ve become aware of it…
So the political issues in our country seems to b getting more serious huh..
Everything has changed since we were younger
And it feels that Malaysia isn’t such a safe country to stay in anymore =(

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All the research lab stuff nearly every single day… sounds like I got no life huh…
S O R T OF…
The only small bit of life I hav is…

Let me introduce u to “Leo-Potato”!!!

Dun ask me how this name came up…
But Leo came from Jason and Jamie the initial owners of this turtle/tortoise

(no idea how to differentiate turtle and tortoise..i’m confused)

and potato just came about sumhow ;P

And let me introduce..

Queen cactus! =)

Apparently turtles or whatever needs sunshine… and obviously cactuses do too..
So….

An “Inter-KINGDOM affair” ;P

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About a mth ago I attended the 3 days 2 nites Lifeline camp..
Very interesting..
Interesting topic.. Good news about Sex..
About sex in the context of Christianity…
Answers a lot of questions about pre-marital sex, abortion, contraception etc etc and y we shudnt do it in the context of the bible..
I mean we’re always told not to do it… but we nvr get to noe y in terms of religion..
When I work I’ll b dealing wif a lot of issues about contraception and whether I should dispense it since its against my religion… contraceptive pills, condoms etc.. at least now I noe wad to do in future when I face problems wif this =)
I was meant to go for this camp…
So many internal conflict in me about so many things and all the emo-ness at that time… the camp really did help..
After the camp.. it din solve any thing really but it just took away the burden…
how?? Its hard to explain but God work in his wonderful ways..

Anyways, got to meet a number of new frens and I found my old old 17 yrs ago playschool fren hehehe… we din really catch up coz we haven’t met in ages but it was nice enuff to noe wad she was doing now and all =)

my group members

deanna and i

17 yr old playschool fren~

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Went to Malacca for a day eating trip yest.
Nvr been out this far with the rest in west m’sia..
It was ok.
Laid back kinda ting…
Walking slowly at Jonker…
Looking around..
Eating..

The satay celup line was so long…
But we lined up…for TWO FREAKING HOURS…
For me it was worth the wait…
Worth it for the satay celup and worth it coz we got to catch up..
update each other on our lives…
and at the same time gossip
[heheh.. eva if u were there, we wud hav more gossip =(]

cool specs =) [wish vina was there 2~]

group photo after satay celup

-the glass mug-

once upon a time u bought this mug made outta glass.. it was interesting drinking from it.. i mean u cud c the colour of ur drink... etc etc...
then after quite awhile u started to get sick of the mug but u still used it la..
then one day u knocked it off the table and it shattered...
so u swept all the pieces up into a bag and u chucked it aside in the corner...
u din buy a new mug coz u cudnt b bothered.. and u din come across any mug that u liked also..
once in awhile while u walk pass the bag in the corner, u wud recall that u once had this mug b4 dat u used to like...

after a couple of years, u were walking pass the bag anen u tot y not open it again and c la...
and so u did...
u poured out every single piece...
took out a super glue..
trying the stick all the pieces together..
but u being u werent so bright since it was made outta glass..
u cut ur fingers, ur palms..
but u just continued trying to put all the pieces together to make a mug..
then one day u stopped and tot no point...
so u just left it aside.. since ur wounds on ur fingers and palms will naturally heal itself..
but after a week... u walked back to the bag, poured out the contents plus the half formed mug..
took out a big piece.. and in the process u dropped it and made a huge deep cut on ur face...
u ran to the toilet.. splashed it wif water.. and it hurt..
although it hurt.. u ac expected that it wud hav hurt more...
the bleeding stop...
u dried it...
it looked fine... but there was a scar...
the damage has been done... the scar, u cant take it away...
u're sorta piss off at the mug.. but wad the hell.. it was partly ur fault since u wanted to mend the pieces rite..
but so wad...
u use a glove this time to collect of the pieces and throw it back into the bag...
and this time.. u put it in the cupboard...
u set ur alarm in ur hp.. so that a week from now.. u're gona go throw it in the bin.. the bin outside ur house...
y not just throw it in the bin straight away??
well coz u just dun do dat.. u wanna make sure dat when u throw away dat bag in a week time..
u also 'throw away' ur anger and 4get the scars on ur fingers, hands, palms and face...
u can 4get but the scars will always b there... but who cares.

so as the bag is in the cupboard...
u learn that.. once ur mug is broken.. u cant fix it back anymore...
and like most of every1 elses mug... u shud just ignore it... and throw it straight in the bin..
and get a new mug.. or just go through life mug-less...
that is how the world of mugs work..

u regret that u even tried putting the shattered glass back...

but what has been done.. is done..

oh well...
whatever will b will b, the future is not us to c.
a week from now, u're gona go throw that freaking bag in the thrash and nvr ever rem it existed =) gud for u.
gud for the beggar that picked it up while running through ur garbage bin and try sticking it together. yar go ahead and pick up my rubbish, its ur problem now.

Emmm.... Ermm... Emmm....

Sedentary lifestyle for the pass 3 weeks…
More sedentary life to comeeeeeeeeee…………..
k.. not so proud of dat..
but I “played” futsal yesterday.. yes.. “PLAYED”.. hehehehe…
I cant kick..
[I wud like to blame it on the soft cheapskate shoes.. but thrs no point of me buying a gud and expensive shoe.. coz I dun do sports and.. I’m nvr rich enuff]
I cant run…
[coz coz.. I just cant… oh but I got a gold medal in primary 6.. *gRin* but it was a relay..hehehe..]
I dun tackle…
[heylo.. did u c the players… *gulp* they’re tall… if not big…. siam tu beh hu]
Yar so… I just go keh liaw.. and to sweat.. unexpectedly it was somewhat fun playing wif the juniors… who like me… have kicks that are so soft.. felt so bimbotic… ;P

Junior: are u 19?
Me: *smiles*
Another not so junior : she’s 22 la
Me: YAR! [inner monologue: muahaha… 23 la]
Junior: hah! U dun look like 22.. u look 19
Me: hehehe..

I wonder being mistaken as younger is good for an old woman like me…
Wud dat make me seem less competent when I’m working coz I look younger than I shud b…
Eh wad la.. it’s the height… smth I cant do anything about!! K not gona start ranting bout my height dat I cant undo =(

Its been along time that I’ve been in a futsal court… as in not playing but thr to run around.. since sem 1..

I wonder if I din stop trying to run around.. I would eventually learn to kick by now??...

But then again I hav no potential in sports… NONE…
maybe I’m more tailored for games like… chess? Scrabble? Debate??
Hmmm…
Chess…. I suck at it… English chess.. I nvr win.. Chinese chess.. I dun even understand the words…
Scrabble… I dun spell.. i cant spell… if I cud carry a dictionary everywhr I go, I wud ;P
Debate… if I cud I wud hav… I only talk a whole load of CRAP n RUBBISH… I dun talk any sense… gud point?? Agree?
Hheheh guess not gud in any of those tingies…
So wad m I gud at??
Erm… erm… smth I hav yet to find out.. kinda sad to not noe wad it is at 23..
Sob sob..
But ahhhhh so wad.. but at least thrs smth to tink of during my free time… when I wait for my stupid microbes to grow in the lab… microbes that has no arrived… S T U P I D..
I need microbes for my research!! So all I’m doing now is trial testSSSSSsSssss….
Omg if it dun come any sooner.. my weekends is gona b in the lab… =( sucks.. sucks.. sucks..

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It was kinda sudden.
Still abit hard to accept.
Wasn’t close to him but yet feel kinda sad.
Indirectly, it gav every1 some sort of impact..
Now even hi bye frens wud make an extra effort to smile or maybe say smth nice… or just say smth extra like ‘hows research?’ which is obviously the only ting they can tink of to ask but wad matters most is the effort to even utter extra words…
This is how the world works.. its only until u lose sum1.. closely related or not… that u realise that u shud take ppl around u more seriously… or b nicer to them.. or not backstab them.. or not bitch about them… although its too late.. but dat is how u feel… and so u just naturally b nice to every1… but how long wud that last??? A mth or 2?? Do u hav to lose another sum1 to make u realise again then it fades away..again?? but reality works this way…

Anyways… this is like a lesson.. then again lesson wud sound too strong…
More like to remind us not to take any1 around us for granted.. in case u might just regret it one day.
And it makes me tink u noe… wad if it was me?? Wad if??
Well for me I tink… God planned everything… so when he calls u to come... u HAVE gotta go.. the only difference between u n I one day is how he calls u..dats all…

F.A.M.I.L.Y

Sometimes u fight wif them..
Sometimes u hate them..
Sometimes u wonder y u’re in this family when smth bad happens… or when u envy sum1 elses family that seems a lot less complex than urs…

but then again I tink every family hav their own deep dark secret..

yes EVERY FAMILY…

u just cant tell…

But no matter wad… though full wif dark secrets untold of…
Family is still important..
And its wad matters…
Not sum other guy..

or his family that u cant and nvr ever will call family..

provided when u force urself to,

considering that he’s important enuff to u that u hafta unwilling accept his family…

Y this sudden post about family??
Was just watching a christmas episode from The OC.. holiday season.. family thingie…
And just being random….
since I’m bz.. P R O C R A S T I N A T I N G.
I’m such a pro at it nowadays..

I wonder wad happened to all my discipline days…

sob sob.. =(

i.wan.2.go.home.eva.pack.me.in.ur.bags.plz.

time passes by so quickily..
the weeks pass by too quickily... its abit scary..
its like zooooooooommmmmmm.... zooommmmmmm.... then gone..
then u're tinking... "wad hav u been doing this week...hmm... nth much?"
deadline coming...
so many things to do...
trial experiments.... results not satisfactory... stress...
another trial.. results not satisfactory again... stress...
then ANOTHER trial.. results.... not out yet... tomolo... preparing for more stress...
ahhhhhh.....
feels like being asked to run after a car... but not told which car...
u guess...yar maybe this car.. then after awhile of chasing, u start to doubt whether its the rite car..
OR
maybe it IS the rite TYPE of car.. but different colour...
OR
rite colour but wrong car...
OR
same category of cars...
OR
worst... wrong info.. NOT even a car... wtf!

get wad i mean?? No?? shitty.
wad m i rambling bout... u c wads this stress doing to me..
disrupting my tinking..
disrupting my sleep...sorta... i mean todai..
even disrupting my hormonal menstrual cycle... bleh.. its not like pads are cheap k. [extra information?? hehehe]

complaining that theres sooooooooooooooooo many things to do... BUT still have time to blog??
hehhehe.. well.. humans are natural procrastinators k ;P
k back to work. huhu =(

i NEARLY 4gotten.

its 3rd of august...
time passes by so quickily that i din even realise that it was todai...
tinking about it everytime makes me tear...
every year of todai.. i wud go around finding for cloud 9.. just to finish a whole small bar in memory of her...
but i din todai...
coz i nearly 4get.
feel like such a lousy fren..
but that dun matter...
i wish i cud turn back time, just to voice out that i wanted to go.. just to c her the last time..
sigh...
a lifetime regret.

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a yr plus ago...
i was grumbling and grumbling and grumbling about it.. and i din understand y..
i keep asking myself y n y n y...
BUT now..
when i hear the voice... more of the chatter i once heard... now that i'm around it..
it sounds familiar...
BUT i dun like it
just OUT of my comfort zone.. and i dun like anything out of my zone.
i dun want anything related with the voice..
not coz of smth that happened that which i still dun noe and dun CARe to bother to noe..
but just because i dont like anything out of MY COMFORT ZONE..
which is sorta like a new 'discovery' for me about me... coz i onli tot i din like NEW ppl that i just got to noe... =)

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at this age, i guess i wud say i've gone thru alot of ups and downs....
enuff to b called an adult i suppose...
alot of memories...
alot of this and that..
plus all that emo'ness' and sadness the pass few mths..
every single detail.... unforgettable..
despite all that..
although i dun wake up every morning happy and excited..
and i dun smile to every1 not coz i'm angry but coz i just don't..
i wud say..
LIFE IS GUD. =]

heylo.... WAKE UP BUN.

Gian wan: How come u don’t seem to act like how u r in the blog?
Me: ah..nth la.

Gian wan again: I didn’t noe u had anything going on. How come keep saying moving on, moving on.. but nvr…
Me: o… I m!

Wow… she noticed… and concerned enuff to ask…
I’m not an attention seeker… wanting ppl to ask me wads going on…

If u don’t want ppl to noe then y do u even blog about it since its for the P U B L I C…. ?
Good ques eh.
Because… I can like express how I feel…
Then u shud just get a diary??
I cud….
Express how I feel to important ppl that already noe wads going on..
Get it???
So if u dun understand means u r not important …. I wun say not important.. just not close enuff.. for me to confide that much to…

I AM MOVING on… I’ve started moving on ALREADY..
I’ve got everything sorted out… all sorted and packed into one bag and just hiding it deep deep under my bed..
Am I suppose to like go to a dumpster and throw it away or smth???
Hiding it seems fine… its ok to open it up to peer at its contents once in awhile rite…
Peering don’t mean that I din move on…
I sound so reluctant to move on??? YAR!!! Dats y the delay… but sometimes u haf to do things u dun want to… for the BETTER of mankind…heheeh…jk jk… I meant just for the better… and its gona b worth it in the end.. bcoz there are better and more important things out there… than this shit..
Life is not all bout this bullshit. Shesh.

Anyways… u’ve gotta find a few WRONG ONES to get the rite one…
Chi chun… lu sang ho wa… wa pun MAI k.
Some ppl are just not worth it… so just not worth ur time..so maybe u need time to realise this… but good thing to have realized.. better late than nvr.
There are some ppl… that u can do WITHOUT IN UR LIFE

EVENTUALLY… he wun make a difference anymore…
Oh.. and at the end.. u’ll b thankful instead.. coz u’ve actually grown more mature.. YES… mature..

[Extracted from Bavarhni’s laptop]

Changed my mind bout the bag suddenly?? Yar.. yu sio yu jiat...took it out from under the bed.. and threw it down the my vista balcony…buh bye.

Btw.. thanx Gian wan… I really appreciate the concern… and thanx for reading my updates… like I said, it was really easy to giv u advice on wad u shud do… but using my same advice on myself…HARD.
Thanx again WOMAN =)
O thanx chia woon =) although we love to insult each other… I really appreciate our frenship.. and I noe u’ll MISS ME when we graduate ;P

No more emo post from now on…
Just more and more PISSY POST.
oo.. I’m gona get a new housemate this weekend… aHHhH.. I hate changes.

broke with a broken heart... hah! life's GREAT.

i bought an external hard disk... *gRiN*

which is why i;m so broke now!!.. Rm245... for a sleek... 160 MB western digital (WD) external hard disk...

apa tu western digital?? apparently its gud... so if i wanna buy one might as well just get a gud one =)

walking out of low yat... i had one buck left onli in my wallet...ONE BUCK!!!.. plus a debt of 25... to ben...

omg.. talk about kiaw... i've never been this broke ever...!

*tink* *tink* this is a long term investment... *self convincing*

----------------------------------------------------

after 54 days.. yar...54..

after all the days that i've been hoping..

after all the lying to myself..

after all the times i've made myself ignorant..

after all the raining in me...

after all the stabs my heart has suffered...

and after all the multiple goodbyes that nvr seem like goodbye..

it is TIME...

TIME to move on.

TIME to 4get.

TIME to embrace the fact.. every single detail of the fact... thats heart shattering..

To embrace reality...
To embrace the past and the future..

THIS.. is just it.... just it...

its like ripping a part of me away...

like slicing my heart wif a scapel..wifout anasthesia.. create this huge wound...let it b inflammed and infected... and pour salt all over it... yar.. its DAT painful..

unimaginable?

being a future pharmacist... i noe i'll nvr find a drug to cure this... NEVER.

but i wud nvr ever wanna get this 'condition'...or 'disease' or 'illness' again....WHATEVER.

my heart is DEAD...

but one day.. it'll heal... just one day.. it'll b alive and beating..

just one day. satu hari nanti. bila kau kembali? BULLSHIT.

sigh.

GUDBYE.

*self-conscious* Bun, THIS IS IT. Life HAS got to go on.

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so gona b pissy for along time...

sadness leads to depression leading to frustration then to anger.. then just PISSY'NESS'...

sigh. i miss ame.. daphne... iggy... michelle... vasan...

RE-search on Mucuna bracteata...AND IN-search of my old self.

E M O... emo emo emo emo..
yar the last 5 post were just emooooooo..... full of it...
every1's life has got its ups and down... so wads wrong if i got EMO ;P
the end of all the emo'ness'??? hehehehe... i duno.. maybe for the time being i guess...

its been already a week since research started.. and... I DONT LIKE IT....
all extraction lab work cram in 3 weeks....
i'll b in the lab most the time... i'll b so sick of it.. wait.. I AM SICK OF IT ALREADY!!
i can even imagine the ethanol smell NOW!... bleh!
so much lab... and with everything thats been going on lately... every1 just seems to piss me off... k not every1...
i get pissed off easily during normal days already.... wad more to say at times like this...
my inner monologue keeps running wild!... gosh i duno how many times i'm gona blurt them out...UNintentionally.... uek~

anyways..been tinking...
realise that i am not who i use to b 4 years ago... in wad terms??
erm.... in alot of ways...
good and bad...
i tink i prefer the old me...
i wonder where that went to...
i tink i use to have more identity..more character... too much of it maybe?? hehehe... too much character is an identity 2 wad... rite?
or is this just the process of growing up.... learning from mistakes... learning from life... perhaps.
u gotta experience it to b able to understand it.
gosh... that sounded so deep la... ;P
i guess... from now on.. i'll b in search of my OLD SELF... the old ME.. =)

-end-

I was as wrong as I could be to let you get away from me
I'll regret that move for as long as I'm living
But now that I've come to see the light
All I wanna do is make things right
So just say the word and tell me that I'm forgiven
You and me
We're gonna be better than we were before
I loved you then but now I intend
To open up and love you even more
This time you can be sure

I'm never gonna let you go
I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever
Gonna try and make up for all the timesI hurt you so
Gonna hold your body close to mine
From this day on we're gonna be together
Oh, I swear this time I'm never gonna let you go

Looking back now it seems so clear
I had it all when you were here
Oh, you gave it all and I took it for granted
But if there's some feeling left in you
Some flicker of love that still shines through
Let's talk it out
Let's talk about second chances

Wait and see
It's gonna be sweeter than it was before
I gave some then but now I intend
To dedicate myself to giving more
This time you can be sure

I'm never gonna let you go
I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever
Gonna try and make up for all the timesI hurt you so
Gonna hold your body close to mine
From this day on we're gonna be together
Oh, I swear this time I'm never gonna let you go

i din tink that i wud stumble upon smth that wud mirror my emotions
but i was wrong.
lyrics full of hope?
No.
life is not a fairytale nor is love.
yup
its goodbye for gud now
bye dear.
a 'name' nvr to b called again forever
not 2 look back ever again.
nvr again.
onli a song that remains....to mark THE END.

i.g.n.o.r.a.n.t

things are always easier said than done
advice easier given than done

knowing the right thing to do and doing it is different
knowing wads wrong and still do it is hard to understand

knowing that doing this will lead u to no outcome but yet u continue
knowing that at the end.. both will b happy but u hurt… but yet u still continue
knowing that the more u carry on, the deeper shit u’ll get into.. but yet again u continue

constantly reminding urself of this fact.. doesn’t seem to work
constantly trying to make urself 4get.. doest seem to work either

too hard…
too hard to try…
too hard to bear..
therefore, decided to b ignorant
try to be ignorant….

Ignorant for now
Ignorant for tomorrow
Ignorant till the holidays end…and by then… its time to
embrace the fact…
and
move on.
=(

complicated.

when u grow old and turn into an adult..
alot of things can turn out really complicated...
as in REALLY REALLY COMPLICATED..
more complex than those stupid storybooks..
more complex than u can imagine..
its those times when u wish..
u just wish that u can get suck back into time...
and b young and naive, not knowing how complicated it will b in the future.
now everything that was big deal back in high school seem so trivial.
yar i miss those times, when everything seemed so attached, unlike now... everything seems to b torn apart.

jumbled.

i passed!! *gRiN* i kept imagining wad the sentence in the mail wud say if i faild...
this sem... i mean LAST sem. was hard... but not comparable to sem 3.
bye bye sem 6.. heylo sem 7 =)))) eh..final year ler ;P

next sem is ages.. longest hols dis sem.. coz of the elective..
ahem yes i'm taking chinese for my elective...
classes was suppose to start last wed... but then suddenly cancelled coz alot of students cudnt make it... bleh.. i've been looking forward to the class the whole week... why?? coz theres nth to do at homeeeeeeeeeeee... aside from sleeping till at least 1 everyday... and feed myself... and watch korean love dramas which is making me quite sick, y y is everything about love... on the radio..every single channel plays love songs... happy sad love songs....what the heck.. is that what attracts ppl onli… yar its i-hate-love-songs for the next few weeks…

oh btw i went for latin aerobics yest... hah.. aerobics is nth new... but latin aerobics.. different eh.. more like dance plus aerobics... sweat alot... but no bodyache todai... and i really dun hav any dancing genes... i mean i noe i cant dance but.. doing latin aerobics... wif the wide mirror in front of u... while u look at the instructor whose body is really really soft.... reinforces this fact... yar and also how fat u r... mirrors shud b banned! ;P
-------------------------

its like a dream.. gud dream? bad dream? so hard to categorise..
made my mind all jumbled up.. for once insomnia for a different reason..
its like i dun understand myself... i bcame a stranger to me...
but i've gotten it all pulled together so far..
i do hav the whole hols to waste... being bitter... and sad.. but thats just pure stupid and idiotic..
after so long…. its time to.. how shall I put it.. move on isn’t the rite word… coz I already partially did…I just duno when it stopped….hmmm…the rite word….continue pseudo-move on… continue semi-move on.. smth of dat sort.. in short.. to get rid of it all for good this time…. leave it behind I guess..
for a better cause.. a gud decision I suppose.. mister once-a-mushroom-head said I wun regret it 4 sure.. yar i guess I wont.. i noe this all reinforces smth... but I duno wad.. yet.. I just noe its reinforcing smth…
it nvr occurred to me that getting sum1 elses point of view really makes a diff.. u c a whole different light.. a different perspective…like an out of the box opinion.. another angle.. which totally make sense.. does help.. makes things clearer to u.. which is.. gud…coz love is blind? Agree.
Hmm… like is semi-blind?? K dat sounds pretty lame…
hmm but ppl dun suddenly wake up one day, 4gettin bout the past… though I dun mind plucking a USB cable from my brain to the computer.. so I can delete those memories I REALLY dun wanna remember.. or maybe just set it as hidden files.. yar u bet by then I’ll b miss sunshine.. and b alot smarter since after deleting all the sad memories.. I hav like half of the memory space empty to put everything I’ve learnt… hehehe.. k back to reality ;P
a start of a pseudo-new beginning?? Absolutely but I’m no robot.. will take time.. not too long… when abit of anger comes into place, things get alot easier.. works for d cow…
hmm…
its not worth it.. really isn’t worth it.. not worth it for dat cow and I dun care anymore..i dun care!!..yar thats the mind set for this hols. I can feel the anger building up. Better stop b4 I start cursing. Shit Enuff.
Vague?? Suppose to b.

Another bye~

I din realize it… till it “hit me” when she left my place on fri evening.. anen I tot.. ‘eh its gona be the last time she’ll b in my room la’… then it hit even harder at nite while we were talking together… I always knew the time wud come but.. I just din really really realize it was there oledi.. wif daphne I realized earlier.. maybe I was getting real comfortable oledi till I 4got… =(
It happens all the time… but I still cant get use to it.. I mean I got use to the post-leaving… but still not use to the pre-leaving part… but I noe dis time it’ll b different… abit more different than the rest.. there will b an impact la.. k impact sounds strong.. rephrase.. my vista life wud change.. IS gona change.. it’ll take time to adapt…
Sigh… I wun go on n on about I wun b seeing her again in my life… i noe I wud.. I mean its NOT goodbye.. ok its partial onli… I mean daphne wil b back .. she’ll b in kl in august.. so I’ll b seeing her.. yar n I tot I wun b seeing her in my life anymore… so dats just bullshit..
But its hard to actually find a fren dat can really predict ur actions… ur taste…ur tots… yar read ur mind… so accurately.. it scares u and herself… yar I’ve met no1 that can do dat except her… 3 years.. its long…. Ups and downs… rarely downs…

Hmmmm…. Cheapskate club… spinster club [the holiday!!!] … the NEXT LEVEL…
I wun 4get it…

Mamahen…PPC [overnight’ing’..sorta… in the lab]…. Che ke che ke (16th or 18th floor…. *gaSp*)
I wun 4get it….

Hiding and blasting the music so loud just to ‘induce’ the turd to dance…ehhehe…
I wun 4get dat…

Absence….hehehe…
I wun 4get dat..

Times at the tribal house…. Watching movies… watching michelle do the hollerback gal..muahahaha… and the gal that was flirting wif camel father…HAH… and the OMG it was HER dat day!!! *faints*..hehehe.. yar…
I wun 4get dat.

When I became the angel and she became the mortal… when all the mind reading started.. sem 1.. hah its either I’m like an open book or wad.. BUT I’m NOT!! Miss those times.. just talking.. and all… shells..yar I liked them k.. still got the paper.
I wun 4get it.

When Seb. mistaken me for her instead. When papa aka li guo ask why she always hang out wif me onli.

Wun 4get dat.

Sooooooooooooo many memories.. its so hard to dig them all out to mention one by one… its just too many… a whole load of them…

It was hard that morning… there wasn’t enuff time… not enuff time to write everything down on paper.. it was all over the place… and duno y the sunlight taxi came early for once… I’m strong… ok I try to portray such a side… even when while I was writing… my eyes oledi started to drizzle… then she came bla bla bla… taxi downstairs… luggage in…. it was time… hug… that was when my eyes rained…

it was just too hard to control…

I tried so hard to store the tears but… there was a storm…

I guess she din expect that I wud… I’m bad at things like this… but the tot of a person in ur life just gone like dat… its quite unbearable.. =(

now I wonder whether daphne leaving wifout meeting n saying gud bye was gud or not…. eh but then the next mth I saw her again also…hmm then to tink about it again… if I din say gud bye it’ll feel like theres some unfinish business…

though so short.. not much said..

at least there was smth… I guess…
Like I said… life’s like dat…

like she said.. life’s gotta go on..

which is very much true…
agree.

Thanks for every single thing… for the joy,

for the laughter,

for being there,

for the hugs,

for listening while I grumble bout bpharm all the time,

for reading my mind when I want u 2….

AND

when I dun wan u 2 ehhehe… and

for the lame jokes,

for all the times we spent together and

tenks for being such a good fren.

It was a gud 3 years, plus all the gossips..heheeh…

Lastly, thank u God for letting me noe such a fren, who somewhat changed my life. =)
Betta to have known then never at all.

[btw, shud i change my specs to this??.. nicer? more nerdy?]


And now.. all that is left of the gooses.. is me and priss.
How time flies… so so so so fast.
But no matter how time flies... these memories will always have a place in my mind… the warmth always in my heart… and the tot of these memories and warmth wud never fail to make my eyes tear… [doesnt it seem like i'm trying to sound anatomical??..no rite?? ;P]

EOS is OVER... it betta b.

its been about a week since the msk paper... ahh a relief..
Sem 7 betta b over for me already.. plz i dun wan a resit... NO.. i cant haf one.. my cgpa will drop like crazeee....NOOOOOOOOOOOOO....
ever sem break i'll bring back notes back for one module.. the one that i dun tink i did well... but i just bring back ler.. i mean i dun tink i will fail it but .. if i did fail smth i noe it wud b dat module...
abuden this sem i brought back notes for 2 modules... sigh.. the last sem for exams.. sorta.. the one i haf the less "pau wok". sigh.. oh well... praying for the best... this thurs... 5pm.. email.. *shudders*
i just want to passssssssssssss... =(
had insomnia... sigh.. i wonder whether its in the genes or wad... i need a mentality check..a psychological mental status check... but i'm no psycho though... hmm.. cant help myself... the worst part is dat it started early then the exam week.. i mean b4 it was just all stress but enuff sleep during the study break but nooooooo.. this time it started at the beginning of the study break.. sigh.. so uncontrollable eh.. its this 'sing li chuok yung' thing.. sigh.. hafta get over it.. but at such short period of time.. not possible.
Its hard for any1 to understand provided if u’ve experienced it, i dun bother to explain... eh but m i right now?? hehehehe... the point is the feeling sucks.. like u noe u're on the path of being a wreck.. but u cant do anything about it.. anen u keep imagining... the outcome of being a wreck.. get wad i'm saying??..hmmm..
so not in control of my life and my mind?? perhaps.
disappointed in myself. but wad to do...
but i did the right thing... to fly straight home... hah.. and i slept like a PIG that 1st nite... and of coz the whole study break.. so it was gud.. if i din go back.. everything wud b a mess.. and i'll turn into a wreck... it wud b..real bad... its not like I din portray such a side of me in sem 3.. I dun need to reinforce such a me again..
hmmm…

ahhhh...blablablabla..

eos is on mon.
i hate eos. hate it. hate it. benci.
i cant wait for hols. cant wait. cant wait.
i wanna sleep at 12am till 12pm anen wake up for lunch then sleep again till 7 then wake up for dinner... then do nth. ya, a fat-building activity. at the moment, sounds NICE. to hell wif fat-building...FOR NOW. ;p
i even wrote down a list of wad to do after eos.

i wanna roll on the floor and yell.
blardy.
hate this.
15 days more and counting.
sucks.

post-b'day post

my bday was.... yesterday's yesterday... 23 oledi... hafta rem a whole new number...
i was nvr really excited bout my bday in my life so far..
but it sure is the most "BUSIEST" [<---non-existent word?] time for my hp in the year...
msg n msges n msges... compared to others maybe not alot of msges but for me... its alot..

i duno y but i've been feeling quite homesick recently... hmmm.. duno y...
maybe coz last weekend nearly every1 else went back to their hometown.. so felt like going home 2... feels lonely =( was homesick also during my bday... makes me appreciate all the times i had my bday at home...
bdays at home... nth much really.. dinner outside then a cake at home..blow candles.. smile, take a pic... and dats just bout it.... simple... but i just miss it~ i guess being away from home makes u appreciate home more... the ppl there... family...

anyways, i din get as many bday cakes as last year BUT this yr my baby @ steph made oreo cheese cake for ME!! *sob* yar i was touched but coz there were so many ppl there, i din tear *shing* *shing* THANXX STEPH.. all the datelines piling up but she stil made time to make a cake for me =)

o b4 dat we had dinner at izzi... a nice place... there was like more than 10 ppl there to join me for dinner.. its was nice... the onli ting is that coz theres so many ppl and wif such a long table.. it is quite hard to talk to every1.. but other that dat the food was nice... and the tiramisu...YUM!..
no pics....YET... in steph's camera... will upload it soon.

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study break is next week... 2 weeks onli for this sem...
u noe me.. when it gets close to exams... i get all stressed out... sigh.. i hate this part of me :(
when it nears exams.. i tend to blog more ler...
which is wad i'll do for the following days...
a way to release some stress??? maybe.

thank God dat amelia is here....
thank God dat priss is coming back in 2 weeks time....
thank God dat i hav both of them for emotional support *hugz*
thank God dat ben is still here... although speaking hokkien with him makes me tink of home.. and when he ask me not to be stress actually makes me wanna cry... i'm just so grateful that he's here. *hugz*
- learnt from chris 'poi' (i tink) this guy, i accidentally stumble upon his blog... he cud thank God for alot of things in the worst situations...smth i shud learn.]

me... full of randomness....

hah... this is my 101 post since i started blogging in blogspot.... duh, no big deal. ;P

i bet more than half of it..i was just ranting and ranting... and grumbling grumbling... but hello i'm no optimist!

anyways, the last whole month since hospital attachment just felt like a hurricane la... my room feels like hurricane... papers everywhere.... dun even hav time to clean the floor... messy!!... time better well spent on sleeping rite... bleh...

hurrican is not so over yet... but its calmer now...

no matter how bad the hurricane has been...storm what so ever... i noe i haf my 'emotional' support up there in the 17 floor... but now pissy priss is back home... turd alicia went to seremban thus 'diminishing' love letters =( and goldfish ame is ....bz... and daphne is still in strachlyde.. been a yr oledi...fast... and coming soon... ame leaving for home...for gud... yar for gud.... hah a year from now when i blog bout how fast it is that ame has been gone for yr... i wud b graduating... but dats still a yr away...sigh. *shing* *shing* sigh so not gona tink how it wud b when she's gone... pisscila and the turd wil still b here but it wud b diff...surely diff.. =(

tenk gudness ben is still around... but he's OCCUPIED ;P but at least.. sum1 is here so i can chatter to in hokkien...

kinda miss my old housemates.... siang chung, suisse, jing hui,hui suan and especially raenna... is it me or is it just hard to connect with housemates that way younger than u... is it the age gap or smth.. or i just look fierce??... hmmm... i wonder how diff it wud hav been if i actually moved out to stay wif siang chung and suisse... the road not taken? hehehe... k nvm..

i always knew that we ought to appreciate those around b4 its too late... knowing and understanding is one.... actions is another... =(

k enuff. CTT is waiting for me...

___________________________________________________

more than 80 sticks of coffee to last me for..... a mth or 2?

what is the rationale of having 3 electric kettles in a house? beats me.

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TAI CHIA WOON'S VERY 1ST...VIRGIN... EYEBROW SHAPENING SESSION

subject: chia woon, professional eyebrow 'shaperER": ping wei

coward chia woon's expression.. hehehe..

*guLp*

New discovery todai…..when I nod I can feel my NEW DOUBLE CHIN…
yes..its DAT bad =(
ahhh… so scary!

FUCKED UP PRESENTATION.

the most FUCKED UP PRESENTATION ever.... EVER!!

mr 'rapist' + mr 'terrorist'..... OMG... both added up together.. mph 1 became iran or smth...

(iran is at war or smth rite?)...watever... shesh... the point is.. IT WAS HELL...

it din make it better when my partner n i were the 2nd last pair to present... aft every presentation... everybody else who havent present gets paler... and paler....n paler... and my partner panic more n more n more... she kept trying to read n read more... which made me stressed out... so i wrote her a note "no mater how much u read.. they're gona shoot u wif smth u duno...so dun worry"... half of the time my frens were presenting..my inner monologue was VERY BZ... and my imagination was... "in action"...[omg, dat sounded so lame...i suddenly tot of iggy hehehe].... i was callista flockheart in ally mcbeal...

i imagined...

when mr 'terrorist' aka mr 'antibiotic' imran (as william calls IT.. yar not HIM....IT... "ren yeh bu ru") asked us not to go over the time limit of 10 min. and he went on n on about it end of every presentation ... i imagined me tell him off.. "YAR so WHO was the one that freaking went OVER THE ONE HOUR TIME LIMIT in lecture...WHO....YOU!!"...

when mr 'rapist' ewww wif his owl looking eyes... his ugly combed up hair...his tight pants...his ugly properly trimmed goatee....and his talking with alot of lag time [ee fen: when he talks theres a lag time...like when u call overseas ;P]..he said... "y--do--u--all--look--so--nervous--,--relax--" [-- in between words indicate LAG TIME ;P imagine how long it was if there was -- and a , there ;P]... i tell u i serious mumbled under my breath... "HEYLO... try to put urself in our shoes!!!"..i wonder if he heard me coz he was sitting at the back of me..

when terrorist... commented dat chan's presentation references was sorta like "not there" when it ws BNF42... oh my word.... plz.. just coz u din study in UK but in...sum middle eastern or some indian uni in india wif all of YOUR KIND (ok.. i shall not get too racist)..who dun refer to the bnf.. it doesn;t mean we can;t.. ahh..recalling... mr rapist asking sarcarsticly, the previous group whether we sleep wif our bnf... and did any1 accidentally sleep with lexicomp....

*bastard*... shesh.. hah.. every1 rather sleep wif bnf or ACCIDENTALLY sleep wif lexicomp then wif HIM!! i dun mind saying "hah... i bet u sleep wif lexicomp...coz NO1 wants to sleep wif YOU... hm... maybe u shud trying sleeping wif bnf... its like ANOTHER level..hah..bet u din noe that!".. call me unprofessional..ranting n ranting about lecturers that i dun like just coz they shoot me wif tons of ques i dun noe how to answer... call me sour grapes.. call me childish..call me what ever u like.. BUT... i'll point out that.. i did learn for not reading up on alot of things... BUT heylo..i m not a walking encyclopedia... dun use US to make u guys look gud coz u guy are master students... well duh obviously u guys r smarter... shesh... yes..u guys meaning the whole load of new lecturers who came in who were all classmates from USM... yar i hate u all....

hah and in the end... the "all-gals-will-hate-bitch-but-all-guys-would-love" woman...turned out better than the rest...

all though smart... it nvr occured to them that their small actions make them look dumb... like laffing at us when we make mistakes in our presentation... omg.. talk about professionalism. i can imagine "my-name-is-in-the-calendar" woman.. laffing and just laffing.. she's smart...real smart.. i seriously dun mind being her... but plz... la... like saying stuff like "nvm nvm..ask me ques if u dun understand...i find it very funny...(+ wif her comical anime expression)"... shesh..SLAP UR FACE.

the laffing FREAKS... 'she THEM'.

i duno they dun feel like lecturers to us... ok more to me... coz they feel so young.. just a few yrs older than us...

bleh i'm straying from my main topic..my presentation...

anyways my presentation... it was horribleeeeeeeee...

it was on NSTEMI... (fyi. NSTEMI = non- ST elevated mycordial infarction)...

i read up on it... about ACS about NSTEMI...about... unstable angina .. how to differentiate them... copy out all the indications and dose and side effects on each drug in MY PRESENTATION...but... when kena shoot... 'mr rapist + terrosit=bomb' asked me about clopidogrel which was an antiplatelet... i said anticoagulant.. shit.. i copied wrongly...blardy..

dat was ok..my mistake... anen 'the bomb' asked bout STEMI instead of NSTEMI... omg..how shud i noe.. everything ans "not sure not sure"... shit.. i din read up on the whole CVS sys.... if i did...then just BRING IT ON...!! blardy hell...

ooo... when i opened my pendrive to access my powerpoint slides than mr terrorist ask me to go to my pendrive folder then i was like "but dats a bit personal"...him "no i wanna look at smth"..me... force to do so.. him points at the file..containing a journal i got from ame about hypertension..he ask me do i noe wad it is...me "hypertension journal"...him "whr u get it from"...me "a fren"...him "did u open it"..me "no"...SHIT i shud hav... i wish i cud talked to them more sarcarsticly..

them...the 'HE them'.

every1 else presentation.. sucked... even carol complained.. and became pissy...

the remedy to all 'pissiness'.... nice food....alcohol and dance...clubbing...

and so we did dat... ended up in bed at 430am

yar...u bet we TOAST to our SUCCESSFUL PRESENTATION.... and most of time imitating mr 'lag time'...

all rubbish put aside... i guess this is considered as a gud EXPERIENCE... i mean serious.. teach us a lesson to read up MORE... sigh... but we're humans not robots... i bet i can ask them tons of ques and they can't answer... screw.

tired of ranting... presentations make me tired..after sleeping 430am on a sat morn.. i woke up at 4pm... anen did EVERYTHING but study... anen slept at 11pm... yar.. was awake for less than half a day... sleeping wifout any sleep latency..feels gud....so gudddddddd....

sigh at times like this... i wish i was still having hols... in china...

although its not such a 'posh' place... n i din get the time to blog bout it..will..soon...

it was nice.. spending time wif my not-so-young-n-small-anymore sis... and my chinaman dad..heheeh..

shades =) it was winter... hehehe..

went to this japanese restaurant..fyi it was the biggest jap restaurant in south east asia

so nice.. look they ven had hello kitty sushi

does she look like me?? does she??

look.. a chinese prescription

aHhHhHhHhhh..... .shit.

bz. lz. din blog.

alot of work. portfolio. CTT portfolio wif the *toot* lecturer. clinical presentationSSS. hospice report. clinical summary. oh my word. and not like it helps dat there r lil "conflicts" in life. sheesh. sori, cant seem to put myself in any1 elses shoes... not any1 but myself. i wud but not this time. too tired of tinking y it went dat way. whatever. sleep it away. k a few nites to sleep it away. bugged.

hospital attachment. last week, this n next. walking and sitting. sumtimes dun do much but still tired end of the day. dun get much work done back in vista (yar its called vista, not home). tired. sleepy. no latency at all. pig. class test. pharmary jurisprudence. not counted in the cgpa. screw it. friday. dateline for 2nd portfolio review, class test and presentation. going to b a pissy day.

just cant wait till saturday. on aircond, cuddle up in my bed n.... SLEEP wifout the alarm on. nice. hav no plans of visiting "3rd home" anytime soon. "conflicts". tiring. whatever. dun understand. nvr will. "*rolls eyes*. i noe... not comparable... incomparable. ya wish she was here 2. for me n for u. priorities. happens all the time. sick. wa over rated wa in lu eh life. beh ing kai. sien. eng eng tu eh ane. e ane, lu ane. ah pai beh liaw. i learn. sour grapes? bo pien wa si ane. so.

at times like this i wish u were here. u understand me the most. most in this world. no1 can beat u in understanding me. we dun seem to b in talking terms since then. y. duno. its been along time. sumtimes i wish.... . but nah. i noe u can comfort me no matter the situation. miss ya... sometimes.

CNY

its chap goh meh... so FAST =( i wish i was rich enuff to skip todai's class anen fly back then come back on mon morning onli... dat'll b nice.. then still in time to celebrate belated bday wif vina sum more...

yar.. u WISH onli... =(

reunion dinner just felt like yesterday....

i like reunion dinner.. ok more like reunion lunch.. though not in an expensive restaurant but in my grandpa's place... its nice... the table isn't big enuff to accomodate every1... onli can put about 8 ppl once... so we all have to take turns to eat....

i eat slow so had to eat the last round... eh no.. i ate the 2nd last round... and i sat there till the 3rd round...heehhe...although not every1 eats together... the atmosphere is still nice =)

this yr my cuz gav birth to a baby girl... so while some ppl were eating, the rest was playing and looking at the baby.. except me of coz... not very keen in babies...

reunion lunch was nice.. so much food =) yummy... duck yum! crab yum BUT i ate abit onli coz i just did my nails for CNY and i din wanna spoil it... bleh NO1 wanted to help me to "pek" the crab "kak"... but i told my aunt "wa tu bo tak jit chiak zim, zi ni zi pai.... lu tu mai pek ho wa".. then she pek one for me...ONE ONLI!!.. i c my cuz siting next to me.. keep eating n eating...

luckily duck dun hav shells... if it did.. i wudnt hav bothered bout the nails anymore!!

nice rite?? i luved it!! i did it myself k. the place thingies is tinkerbell...NOT a stick man!

this CNY.. didnt take alot of pics... duno y... intended to.. but din..hmmm..

less compared to last yr...

short hols this yr, maybe dats y...

cant wait to next yr's CNY =)

2006 [gosh i was so much thinner then]

same place, same gambling table...every yr. [my comp aka bf died that time.. so all the cny pics dat yr...gone =(]

2008 =) [this is the 1st time i c eva wear DRESS..hehehhe..]

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so much to doooooooooooooo................ as in imu workload............ i'm going to die.... =( so mght not b blogging anytime soon.. PROVIDED sum1 pissess me off! then again... i might just blog soon... at times like this... annoying cranky mood.. sum1 wud piss me off >_<

VALENTINES....2008..

If I were to say dat this yrs valentines was like every valentine b4 this… then I wud b very WRONG….

miss leading pic…
NO…. not from a guy… from my “baby”…

There.

NO….valentines candle light dinner…. Nvr had b4 ler…
Wad was most interesting about dat nite…..NOOO…no cute guy surprise me at my door steps wif a bouquet of roses… I dun like flowers also…

It was this….

Lim “sing” “kui”.. not me

We all went out for dinner...at pizza hut… in the car I saw red spots on her legs…
So b4 dinner we went 2 ong n cheong..some clinic… very fast… gav her cetrizine and calamine…
Anen.. after dinner.. the rash got even worst… ahhh was quite scary…
So we went the the pharmacy… anen the pharmacist wanted to prescribe prednisolone or prednisone..whichever steroid la… the rash looked more obvious under the white lights…
Every1 scared… [not scared scared…horror scared.. just hahaha..scared]..
So decided to 4get bout the medication…. And head to UM hospital….

Trauma dan kecemasan….

Not very urgent ler…
But b4 we even get to that building from the carpark… it took like 10 min to find the place… if it was an emergency … than poor ‘sin kui’ wud hav been …D.E.A.D

Bla blab…register… the nurse inform us that we had to wait for 2 hrs…. *faints*..
For the blood test etc etc… this n that…
Quite a lot of ppl and its was freezing cold inside…..and so… we decided to go to Sunway medical hospital instead…

oo.. anen every1 wanted to pee… but my ‘baby’ whose ass was made outta gold din wanna pee in the UM hospital toilet.. so we all had to tahan our pee till we got to sunway hospital….

Sunway… private hospital…not a lot of ppl…fast…
2 jabs…126 bucks…


Poser…even though sick..sorta.. still got mood to take pics..while we wait for the bill

Most memorable valentines this yr… like a tour to every ‘medical service outlet’ available…. Clinic, pharmacy, hospital… and ‘given’ all types of medication of diff routes ….topical, oral, IV [I mean ‘sin kui’]….
Oo and not 4getting… the funny enjoyable conversations in the car aka AMBULANCE PENG.. hehehehee…on the way to the hospital…

Who said u need a bouquet of roses… candle light…a guy… expensive dinner wif small amounts of food…fancy place…dress up… to celebrate valentines….
No roses…..no candlelight… hawaian chicken n island supreme pizza…no guys…no drees up…. Shorts and t-shirt… went well for us =)


O.. I made solutions for IV drip on valentines!!! *proud* it’s a practice using antibiotics to practice administration for cytotoxic drugs…. Had to wear all those astronaut like clothes… minus the big ping pong shaped head thing…


If u tink this is done by the nurses… u r right…
So wad the hell does a pharmacist need to d the nurses job?? Bleh… but fyi… administration of CYTOTOXIC IV drugs… is no nurses job ok.. nor is it the doctors… hah… bet u din noe dat!!..
Which reminds me and makes me piss recalling a statement which I wud not reveal wad and said by who…
The point is…if u dun noe wad a pharmacist does…and can do and is capable of doing…and if u’re not in the medical field… and if u’re just a layman…pls dun talk to me in the “u;re just a pharmacist…doctors r better than u… u’re just like a drug specialist aka businesss woman who sell drugs in the pharmacy” tone…
If u hav THAT perception of pharmacists… u either ask me the scoop of jobs pharmacist can do OR… u fuck off and get outta my face!!
When u’re talk to me in a tone like dat… its sooooooo insulting… and sooooo… degrading… bleh…
Ok.. I noe its rather normal if the public don’t noe wad pharmacist can do…
It’s the same as me not knowing wad civil engineers can do… the onli ting I tink that can do is… measure and calculating something wif the yellow camera wif tripod thingy on the roads… or build roads….
it wud b TOTALLY UNFAIR to say dat….dats all they do.. bcoz its not…any civil engineer wud defend that statement…
just the same to say dat I can onli sell drugs…bcoz its not… I hav a whole wide range of things that I can do.. I dun even noe which one to pick….

Ok I m going in circles… just grumbling and angry at the person for saying smth about this…sorta… ok enuff said…. So is my point clear??? +_+