Groaning Groundhog

Henry, Carl, and Max today in Rexburg, Idaho following Max's ordination to Melchezidek priesthood.  I didn't go.  I don't like driving.  Also, I have issues.

I

I have always been jealous of women who have only daughters.  They haven't lived with the idea that their sons might serve a two-year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Generally, it is considered a good (great!) thing for a boy to go on a mission.  There are a lot of advantages and I should be grateful that Max is hot to go.  He can't wait.

Here's the dirty secret:  I don't want him to go.  The closer it gets, the more anxious I feel.  I'm a bad person.  I don't want to sacrifice my own happiness for the benefit of him and others.  It's a no-win situation, as far as I can see.  If your kid goes on a mission, you don't get to see him for two whole years.  If he doesn't, then you are sad he won't have the blessing of going on one.

Here are the things I have been doing to prevent Max from going on a mission: 

• Told him since he was tiny that he didn't have to go.  He used to agree that he would never leave me, but he has changed his mind.
• Cry when he talks about it. Ignore his eye-rolling.
• Hide his scriptures so he can't read them and believe them and then want to share them with others.
• Plan family vacations during his school breaks so he can't get a job and pay for his mission.
• Fail to help him with his paperwork so that he turns it in with spelling errors.
• "Forget" to send him his insurance card so he couldn't get medical clearance.
• Tell  his home bishop false rumors about him.
• Set him up with girls so that he would get distracted.
• Make positive comments about people who didn't serve missions and were still strong church members.
• Offer to send him to Africa to study sting rays.

Ok, we know this is all tongue in cheek, right?  Max's paperwork isn't done and his stake pres hasn't pushed send, so this is all speculative.  Once he gets his mission call, it could be months before he actually leaves.  So much anticipation!!!  This is going to be fun.

Oh, and mothers of daughters?  I think the party is over for you.  Sister missionaries are going to take over the world!

Piano Man

Sol and Henry as Wise Men

Why is it so paralyzing to have to call or write someone with bad business news?  Paige came over the other day and we did a couple of scripts for her.  The first script didn't work out the way we had planned, so she lacked confidence to follow the second and fire Solomon's piano teacher.

Sister to the rescue.  Writing other people's bad news is much easier than writing your own.  Which letter do you think she picked to send?

Dear Mean Piano Teacher,

 I regret to inform you that Solomon Wycoff will no longer be able to attend piano lessons. We appreciate the opportunity you have provided Solomon to further his musical education and he has grown a great deal as a musician, but circumstances require that he discontinue the lessons. Thank you for accommodating our situation. I am sure you will have no difficulty finding another student to fill Solomon’s spot. Good luck to you in the future.

 Sincerely, Paige is sucking up for no reason.

 Dear Mean Piano Teacher,

 My son, Solomon Wycoff, will no longer be learning music at your studio. We appreciate the opportunity he was given to study under your tutelage, but unfortunately we feel like the student/teacher relationship is not a good fit. He will continue to study piano elsewhere. I am sure that with your excellent reputation and stellar students you will have no trouble finding a replacement for Sol. He and I are both thankful for the time and effort you have given to him and he will continue to value the techniques he learned.

 Sincerely, Paige is Lying

 Dear Mean Piano Teacher, You suck. Everyone said you were so great, but you just made my son hate music and cry. He wanted to be better than his cousin Henry but you didn’t accomplish that goal, so you are fired. I hope all of your other students quit. Of course, some people won’t quit because they believe in people being mean to them and that is why they are taking over the world. I like to keep my pansy kid safe and protected and that is why he will never be a concert pianist. He still might be able to earn a living one day but the hard workers will have to do the math for him.

 Sincerely, Paige is Pissed

 Dear Mean Piano Teacher,

 What kind of man is a piano teacher anyway? Are you a frustrated artist trying to compose “on the side?” Didn’t your mommy ever teach you that music is a hobby not a profession? Maybe your mommy wasn’t a dream killer like I am. Do you have a beard? I don’t know you but I imagine that you do. You probably also wear a flannel shirt and you are in a band.

 Anyway, while I think piano is important, my son doesn't need you as a role model and he doesn't even really like you. It's good that he had you because it is important to the development of a child to have a piano teacher that traumatizes him. Solomon's aunt used to go to Mrs. Meanhead and she would toot during the lesson. It was just gross. She learned a lot though. Sol might have learned a lot, but we are still quitting.

 Sincerely, Paige Tells the Truth

FHE on the ICE

Everyone came to bwood because our rink is the best and biggest.

I was the best skater of them all until Alex married Camille. Apparently he used to date an ice princess. He can even do jumps. I'm jealous.

Paige and Ellie made their kids wear helmets which is probably smart but just looks dorky. My kids are the only ones fast enough to bash their brains out anyway. Except Max. He's a baby deer on the ice.

Max is home from college. I love him and his cuddles but I don't love his independence. It's hard for me to relinquish control. Plus, he does magic tricks. He magically vanishes and reappears in the blink of an eye. He magically forgets his phone. Every little thing he does is magic.

R E A D I N G

Alice waits for Henry to come home while she sits in a tree reading a book.

It seems like a lifetime ago.

Bedresting on the couch.

What I want to remember about being pregnant:

• It was the hardest thing I've ever done.
• I lost all of my back up happy places and I had to find some more.
• I had to go to some sort of doctor once a week.
• Crises kept happening for no apparent reason.
• I couldn't think about anything besides my pregnancy and now I am grateful I was able to think about it so much.
• My stomach bothered me the whole time.
• I wasn't going to love my babies until January because I was worried about becoming attached but now I am glad I was able to love them before January.
• I could sleep for 20 hours a day.  Real sleep.  It was a super power.
• Reading, television, and scrolling on the computer all made me nauseated.
• Fluorescent lights and lots of merchandise made me nauseated.
• I only wore stretchy pants.
• I don't regret things I did or didn't do.  I feel like I did the very best that I could.
• People helped me and cared about me and I liked it.
• My husband and kids felt sorry for me and did jobs for me right when I asked.  It was Twin Talent.
• At night I would look at pictures of newborn twins and feel like I could do another day.
• My pregnancy was a community celebration and the demise was a community disappointment.
• I knew they were boys the whole time.
• I could never get enough to drink.
• I felt sorry for myself a lot.
• I had really terrific dreams.  Mostly in my dreams I was travelling, which I love.  They were a respite from my real life.
• Carl got up every morning and got the kids off to school and cleaned the kitchen.
• When the YM brought the sacrament to me on Sundays I cried the whole time and they were embarrassed.  I cried because I was grateful and I cried because it wasn't the same as real church.
• My cousin and her husband wept when we told them about our twins.  They have twins.  They were so happy for us.  It was extra sweet.

I can do hard things.

Nephew Kaveh sporting a stash.

Things that are hard for me:

• Sitting still.
• The baby theme of Christmas.  No "Away in a Manger" for me.  Merry Secular Christmas.
• Going back to places for the first time.  Church was especially hard because I had envisioned how it would be once I had my babies.
• Seeing people who don't know that my pregnancy ended.  I can tell by the looks on their faces when they don't know and it breaks my heart because I know they are going to feel bad when I tell them and I'm going to feel bad when I tell them.
• The fact that I only have ultrasound photos to tell me what Duncan and George looked like.
• The mustache pacifiers I bought for them because I thought they were hilarious.
• Sitting around my dinner table and feeling like people are missing.
• Carl and I felt like we were doing something new and adventurous and now we aren't.
• Watching my family struggle individually.  
• Thinking about the upcoming family ceremony that we must do even though I don't want to.
• The keepsake ashes.  Want to see a picture?  I want to show everyone but it's too morbid. 

Steep Learning Curve

42nd birthday in October.  Hoping the lessons stick so I don't have to learn them again.

Some of the stuff I learned:

• You can let people in your life even though it is harder than keeping them out.  It turns out having more people in your life is better, not worse.
• Carl being bishop means our lives are more public than they were before and it is ok.
• People are genuinely good, just like Anne Frank said.
• My first instinct is to shut down and withdraw but it is better to reach out.
• Visiting teachers are the best.
• People's experiences are legitimate.
• It's good to let people help me.
• My kids can ride their bikes places I can't take them, even though they don't anymore.  Lazy buggers.
• My husband is going to be a great caretaker when I am old and infirm.
• I don't care anymore about accumulating stuff.  Stuff is confusing.
• I started doing guided meditation and it really helps me.
• You can't control stuff so it is better if you just give up.  HF has a plan.

Greenbomb Shiva

Some of my shiva sitters.  Say that three times fast.  

When my brother Nate died in April of this year, we sat shiva.  Sitting shiva is a Jewish custom where the family receives visistors for a week after the burial.  Sometimes there are religious rites that go along with the visiting.

We aren't Jewish, but we made sure one of us showed up at my parents house every day.  They were always a little surprised when we arrived, but it helped us to do something for them and I think it helped them be distracted also.

When I lost my babies, my sisters and friends arranged more shiva.  It was a different experience being a recipient.  Someone showed up every day and it forced me to get out of bed and put on makeup.  Sometimes we'd talk about sad stuff, sometimes we'd talk about celebrities. My People mag intake was greatly improved during this time.  We did a lot of retail therapy and eating and drinking of peppermint hot chocolate.  Then they'd leave and I'd take a nap and then my kids came home to distract me some more.  It really helped me get through that first week and I would highly recommend this course of action to people who are wondering what to do for someone who is grieving.

Other notes to self re helping grieving people:

• Gifts of food = good.
• Gifts of fruits and vegs = good also because then you don't feel so bad about all of the junk.
• Dropping stuff off = great.
• Cards, phone calls, notes, comments of caring are excellent and really do help.
• Including people in your prayers seems to work for sad person.
• Stopping by is good and having people run interference in case you don't want visitors is better.
• Acknowledging sad person is way better than ignoring situation even though acknowledging is harder.
• Crying before sad person cries is kind of a bummer because then sad person starts crying and sad person might be trying not to cry.
• A good gift for sad person might be waterproof mascara and tissues.

I hope none of you have to sit shiva anytime soon and I hope the prayers are helping those poor families in Connecticut.