I'm so glad when daddy comes home

This a little dated, but I was kind of proud of myself for coming up with it for Father's Day. (On the Saturday before Father's Day - don't tell Greg) I took some photos of the kids "acting" out the words to the Primary song, "Daddy's Homecoming" - then put it together in a little book for him. I wrote the lyrics out for each photo and Aimee helped write a word on each page - to give it that cute-from-the-kid look. The kids were pretty good sports with the photo shoot. Jack, especially (which is rather surprising)

Enjoy!

I'm so glad

When daddy comes home

Glad as I can be

Clap my hands

And shout for joy

Then climb up on his knee

Put my arms around his neck

 Hug him tight

Like this!

Pat his cheeks

Then give him what?

A great

Big

Kiss!

Love you Greg!

Being a grown up is hard to do, hard to do, hard to do.

If I would just spend maybe an hour, each Sunday catching up on this blog I wouldn't have these marathon posts every 4-5 months.
We've been busy lately. I have the rest of our summer sort of mapped out and it seems like it will be over before I know it.
In 3 days it will be July. Our lease is up July 31st. We (sort of) have two choices before us. Either pay more to rent an older and smaller home - and Greg doesn't have much of a commute. OR we pay a little less for something bigger/newer - and Greg commutes everyday.

We already know that he will be working INSANE hours for the first few years. We will see him in the morning, but there will probably be a lot of nights he isn't home until the kids are already in bed. I always had it in my mind that we would just stay in this area for a little while. The problem with that though, is there are really only 3 public elementary schools nearby that I am ok sending Aimee to. And basically NOTHING available to rent in those school boundaries. I have been looking for months. A few months ago I would occasionally see something in our price-range (at least our would-be range, once he starts working) there was no way we could afford to break our lease and rent it then. Now that we are ready - I can't find a THING. Rentals are going SO fast, they aren't staying up for more than a day or two. People don't even need to list them online. They just stick a sign out in their yard and the next day - it's leased.

The prices are SO high right now. I saw a 3 bedroom, ONE bathroom for 2150. One bathroom? Really?  I saw a 4/2 for $2800!! Freaking crazy.

Maybe I'm being too picky? I would like something over 1800 square feet (there are 5 of us, we need some space), at least 3 bedrooms (4 - if we move out to the burbs) at least one mature tree (I feel it a necessity in this heat - and I would like my kids to want to play outside)... and preferably something that didn't smell like wet dog. We found a house a few weeks ago - but for whatever reason I felt a little uneasy about it. I feel pretty confident that was a prompting from the Spirit. Really, there wasn't anything major not to like about it. So we said no. I felt like we needed to check out some homes in Plano so we did. The first home we visited I fell in love with! There were a few things I disliked, but they were pretty minor. The backyard was big for the suburbs, mature trees, a park down the street and an elementary school around the corner... and then I felt like I should checked the registered sex offender list. Lo and behold - there was one - a few homes down on the same street. UGH. That sort of burst my bubble. We looked at 5 more homes just this past Sunday. I wasn't thrilled about a single one.
On the drive home I felt so tired and so discouraged. I still feel super discouraged.
When I think about the things that are most important to me, like:
- The kids getting to see there dad before they go to bed (at least most of the time)
- Aimee going to a good school where she will make good friends
- Jack having good friends (He can be really timid at times and he isn't as social as Aimee)
- I want good friends too! Especially with Greg's schedule.
I have all of that already if we can find a home to rent right here. In another year or two that may not be the case. Our ward is super transient and a lot of my friends won't be in this area for the long haul. But we probably won't be either. Again the problem at the moment - I can't find anything.
So what to do?? There are so many suburbs in a 25 mile radius from downtown. We drove out East and came away feeling like it wasn't right. We've gone out northwest and I think it's nice but I don't have this strong desire to go out there. We've gone North and I have been through some really nice places and could almost "see" myself living there - but haven't felt right about any home we've walked through. Another "Con" to moving to the burbs is that we would probably have to shell out some money to rent a car until Greg's first paycheck (which won't be until probably mid-late September).
Our 3rd option - and the option looking more and more like the reality - is to rent month to month until we find something. That would mean sending Aimee to a school with poorly rated school and she would definitely be in the minority. Maybe the market will slow down a bit once school starts. But the thought of staying in this teeny tiny 900 square foot apartment, even another 3 short months makes me feel a bit crazy.
I have to laugh a little when people tell me that they are moving out of their apartments (or HOME) because it just too small (and they have 1 kid) and it seems like mid-sentence they realize who they are talking to, but can't back out of it... then there is that tiny bit of awkwardness that follows. Haha. I am happy to make you feel uncomfortable. Go whine to someone else about it. ANYway...

This is probably the most boring post of all time. Hah! It's really more for me at this point - sorry to anyone reading it. But it's been helpful just to write it all this out, instead of having it on repeat in my head. 

So here's to lots more praying that we find a place that feels right - and won't totally break the bank or deprive my kids of ever seeing their dad.

And for the heck of it. A funny picture of the kids in the tub: 

RSV

Towards the end of our Utah trip Bridget got what I thought was just a cold. She started acting fussy, low grade fever, slept worse than usual... you get the picture. Our flight home was kind of rough. I've been pretty fortunate in the kids-on-an-airplane department, but Bridget was crying and fussing off and on the whole trip. So was the baby in the row in front of us! Fun for all!
Anyway, before we even left (on a Thursday) I made Bridget a doctor appointment for Friday morning. Some of her cousins from this trip were full blown sick: Ear infections and croup. I just wanted to make sure she didn't have an ear infection.
The doctor's office was super busy and I didn't see our normal pediatrician. I saw the nurse practitioner. She did a throat and nose swab to test for strep and RSV. The strep was negative but Bridget tested positive for RSV. The nurse asked if I knew about RSV. I said kind of... Really all I knew was that it was bad, especially for babies.
I was told that the virus can last up to 14 days... she would be fussy during that time. Diarrhea. Fever. Vomiting. All normal with this virus. Keep her elevated, suction her nose before she nurses... use Vick's vapor rub... Make sure she stays hydrated and if she starts turning blue, go to the ER.
Umm... thanks!
So we were sent home. As the day progressed Bridget's breathing was getting more and more rapid. I started timing it. She was breathing close to 70 breaths a minute. I called my sister in law (who is a nurse) to find out what is normal... now I don't remember the number, maybe 50/minute was normal? Either way Bridget was breathing fast. My SIL said that when they get RSV babies at her hospital they put them on oxygen because their little lungs just "poop out" after working so hard. I about cried on the phone right then and got really scared.
I asked Greg to give Bridget a blessing and we called some AWESOME friends of ours over to babysit Aimee and Jack while we went to the ER. (It was like 11 pm... they came over and even did my dishes. Seth, Carlie - we love you guys)
We took Bridget to the hospital I delivered her at. Never been to their ER before... not sure I will ever go back. It was PACKED. We were seen relatively quickly. When we got in Bridget's fever had spiked to 103. I hadn't given her any tylenol in a few hours and the nurse got on my case a little bit about that. After the initial triage check-in we were sent back to the waiting room for another hour, then seen by a doctor in a little curtained off area. He didn't seem concerned about Bridget. I was told again that RSV will last up to 2 weeks sometimes and the worst of it usually peaks around day 4-5. I asked him about her breathing and he said that her oxygen levels were good. And if she were struggling for air you would "really" see it in the way her chest and throat would constrict.
Another hour later we were sent home.
Saturday morning Bridget seemed to be doing a tiny bit better... but as the day went on she was having a hard time nursing and taking medicine (and still breathing really fast). It was like it hurt her to swallow. She also started making this sad kitten-sounding meowing/whimper/cry. And she would do it non-stop for hours, until she dozed off and then would start it up again. I didn't sleep much Friday or Saturday night. By Sunday I was worried about her staying hydrated. She basically refused to nurse. A friend came by Sunday afternoon and loaned me her electric breast pump - I was so worried about my supply dropping.

I knew Sunday that I would be taking her back to the doctor Monday morning. It was just a matter of going to her normal pediatrician or going to the ER again. I remembered going to a children's ER when we first moved here with Jack - and I liked it. (I didn't realize that it was Dallas Children's Hospital at Medical City).
I called Bridget's doctor's office Sunday evening even though they were closed. I got through to the on-call doctor (I am pretty sure it was her normal doctor anyway). I expressed my concern about her staying hydrated and he said as long as she had a couple of wet diapers in a 24 hour period that would be ok. She had one from Saturday night/Sunday morning. Oh, and lots of diahrea though... weird green mucusy stuff.
The doctor didn't seem all that concerned though. I asked if he wanted me to bring her in on Monday morning and he was like, "Well... you might not really need to if she has another wet diaper..."
Whatever. Mother knows best.
Bridget finally fell asleep around 1 am. I put her in her swing. I woke up at 5:30 and turned on the light from our closet to look at her.
My heart started racing... she looked almost gray. She wasn't swallowing so there was foamy spittle dried around her mouth. I woke her up enough to get her to try and nurse. She sipped for a minute and fell back asleep. I got up and showered. I knew we were either going back to her doctor's or the ER. But I still felt kind of unsure. Greg got up and held her for a while. She was limp in his arms (not like her at all!). He said, "I think you need to take her to the ER." Off we went.
When I got there, the admitting nurse took one look at her and took us back to a room immediately. Within minutes they were putting her on oxygen and looking for a vein they could use for her IV. She was so dehydrated they were having a hard time. She got one unsuccessful poke in her foot. But she had a vein they could use on her head. The nurse told me, "Now mom - it will look scary, but it's fine."
It did look scary.

Right before they took us up to the PICU. So sad

I held up pretty well... then didn't. I was so so tired and seeing my baby like that was probably the worst thing I have ever been through. In a moment when she looked really bad, her lack of color and pitiful cry (because her voice was basically gone) - these negative thoughts started to creep in. But only for a second, because then I felt comfort. And peace. And I knew that she was going to be fine. I totally knew it.
The admitting nurses and doctor were so great. They kept saying, "You did the right thing mamma. You did the right thing bringing her in."
They brought in a portable x-ray (to look at her chest), drew some blood and then moved us up to the PICU. We were told to expect to be in there for a few days. They had Bridget on oxygen, but on a special machine that had "flow" control. It's not a ventilator - it didn't breathe for her, but it did continuously flow air into her. The force of the flow was measured from 1-20 on the machine. 20 being the strongest flow. They started her at 14. The saturation level of the O2 was set to 55%. Within just a few hours her color came back. She still seemed a little washed out, but nothing like it was.
Bridget was also hooked up to the IV, like I mentioned (they had her on antibiotics, she had developed a double ear infection too). The IV would keep her hydrated, but wouldn't fill her belly. They didn't want me to nurse her yet. I was told that it was too hard on her lungs to suck/swallow/breathe (all nursing functions). The nurses got me a pump so I could keep my supply up. So that's basically all I did that day. Chill out in the uncomfortable recliner and pump. Bridget slept a lot - in between being poked and prodded a bit. I tried to hold her, but it was so awkward with all her cords and wires. And it seemed to make her more upset. Probably because she was hungry and I wasn't feeding her. The nurses told me that they would have to put a feeding tube in, until they could take her off of the flow O2.
That first night was rough.
Bridget was fussy and no-doubt hungry. One of my nurses let me dip her pacifier in some "sweeties" (basically sugar water they they give to fussy newborns), I may have been pretty generous with my "dipping". The nurse we had that night wasn't my favorite... I mentioned something about the recliner not being super comfortable. (It was super narrow and wouldn't lean back all the way. And it wouldn't stay in its lowest position, it kept popping back up to a weird angle and when I would try to get out of it without shutting the leg lever, the whole thing would tip over. Hah) Anyway, she said she could try and get me a room with a couch bed upstairs on the normal peds floor to sleep in for a while if I wanted. I said sure. That would be great.
Well, I think I fell asleep on the recliner around 1, then was up at 3 something because they needed to draw her blood and do another chest x-ray. I think I fell back asleep sometime around 4, then at like 4:30 that nurse came and WOKE me up to tell me that there was a room ready! WHY?! I should have just gone back to sleep but I staggered up to the next floor, found my room and passed out on the narrow couch.
I woke up after 7.
The PICU floor goes on lock down from 7-8 each morning and evening during shift change. So no guests in or out. I got them to let me back in though, because I was nursing and needed to pump. (Woot woot)
That morning was another rough one. Bridget was so beyond hungry, but I couldn't nurse her and she couldn't get the feeding tube in until the doctor ordered it. Well wouldn't you know, the doctors were running super late that morning and in the mean time my baby is wigging out. I was a bit of a stress case. The doctor didn't see her until after 10 and the tube didn't go in until after 12. FINALLY.

Tube in! BB was still pretty miserable, but perked up pretty quickly.

I should mention at this point what was happening on the home front. Jack and Greg both got sick. So Greg coming out to the hospital was not going to happen. I'm pretty sure Aimee watched TV for a week straight. A tender mercy in the midst of all of this was that Greg didn't start school until Friday. So he could be Mr.Mom while I stayed at the hospital.
This whole experience was so very humbling. I updated Facebook with the news that Bridget was in the PICU and I was flooded with texts and calls from friends and family members. So many people offered meals, offered to watch our kids... offered prayers. I will never thank everyone adequately. My testimony of the power of prayer was strengthened during this experience. I could physically feel being lifted - carried, the entire week we were at the hospital. With a few exceptions, I was able to stay so calm and patient and positive in spite of the lack of sleep...
I am so grateful to my Savior, to Heavenly Father, to my family and friends. We had dinner coming every day, and I even had to tell people no, because it was already taken care of. It was such a blessing. Greg's mom hopped on a plane Thursday and stayed until Tuesday. I am so thankful she did! Greg did a great job with Aimee and Jack (being sick and all) but a home just needs a woman's touch. You know? Plus my kids got to hang out with Nanny again - always a plus.

I am getting ahead of myself a little bit... shortly after the feeding tube went in, Bridget started perking up. That morning the doctor told me that her lungs looked pretty good - no pneumonia, but there was some cloudiness on her right side so she would have CPT (cardiovascular physical therapy) and breathing treatments every 4 hours. Basically the therapist would come in, listen to her lungs, swaddle her, lay her on her side and pat her back with this suction cup looking thing for 5 minutes on each side. The patting helps to break up mucus in the lungs. It seemed like they pounded on her pretty hard, but it almost always put her to sleep, so I guess she liked it! Until they woke her back up again to suction crud out of her nose. (She was NOT a fan of that) I had hoped my days of rocking/swinging/bouncing would be over! They let me take some of those suction-cup thingys home... FYI - Bridget is back to her sleepless/demanding self :) I guess she only slept so good in the hospital because she was so sick and worn out.

I think they turned down the force of the FLOW on her machine a little bit... and maybe the Oxygen saturation. It's already becoming a little bit of a blur. They told me that she would have to stay in the PICU until she was weaned off the special O2 Flow machine. Babies with RSV can start to get better and then relapse quickly.
That night, Tuesday night I went home to see the rest of the fam and try to sleep a little bit. I didn't sleep much better at home, really. I kept waking up worrying about Bridget. I went back to the hospital around 4.
On Wednesday morning they turned her O2 down even more! She was getting better and better every hour. We had one more night in the PICU and on Thursday the IV and feeding tube came out. We took her off oxygen completely and she breathed on her own just fine. They only thing that had to stay on was the annoying monitor. They continued her CPT and breathing treatments every four hours too. We were moved up to the normal Peds floor that afternoon.


While in the PICU Bridget shared a nurse with only one other patient. The nurse was stationed RIGHT outside our neighboring rooms. So we got a lot of attention... they also let me order 1 meal a day from room service since I am nursing. The bummer: no food allowed in the room. I had to eat in the waiting room. Not a fun place to hang out. Lots of stressed out looking families. :(  I would usually order lunch at the hospital and then go home for dinner.
The peds floor was a little different. Mostly in good ways! For one, it was more than twice the size of our PICU room!

The suite. Kidding. But it was loads better. Minus that crib. It must be from 1965. It looked more like a cage and was SO loud when you raised the sides up and down.

There was a BED for me!! I was beyond excited. AAAAnd they let me order 3 meals a day from room service that I could eat IN the room. Woo hoo.

BB all tube free! And freshly sponge-bathed.  She was so much happier!

All day Friday when the nurses would come in I would get comments like, "What? This isn't a sick baby!" Bridget was all smiles for the nurses, until they suctioned her nose. 

We could have gone home on Friday - really, but with Greg and Jack still on the mend, we chose to stay one more night. By Friday night I was feeling a bit cabin feverish. 

Saturday finally came and Greg picked us up. 

Seeing Daddy for the first time in a week! She was so excited! (Greg was too)

Home again, home again. 

I promise Bridget was excited to see the kids, if not a little over whelmed. 

Good as new!

Ok, so fast forward to March 24th, today. I drafted this post a few months ago and I am glad I did. The whole experience is already starting to blur. It really feels like a lifetime ago. My heart goes out to those moms and families that deal with hospitals and medical issues on a daily basis. I had no idea how stressful it could be. And I really had just the tiniest taste of it. I am so grateful that little Bridget is healthy and happy and is a part of our little/big family.

Christmas (Still!)

Here are more pictures from our Christmas trip in Utah.

Lots of cousin-time:

Addie and Koko

Minnie and Bree

Con-man and his dyson

Jack Man and Neal. (Poor guys, they are seriously outnumbered)

A plus when going to Utah, I am closer to some of my siblings!! My sister is awesome and came all the way down to Provo to visit for a few hours before her flight. (They went to FL, one of these days we need to get our holiday schedule on the same track!)

I immediately tried to steal baby Maebe (Addison #2). That did not go over so well. She was pretty much terrified of me. SAD! We don't get to see them often enough. I am just some weird stranger that looks like her mom with a bunch of crazy kids. But by the time they had to leave she finally warmed up to me a little bit.

Hilarious.

At least no one is crying. 

Our Utah trip was jam-packed with lots of fun outings. There was even a grown ups-night out. We hired half  of the neighborhood's 12 and 13 year-olds to watch the babies. We saw a local production of "A Christmas Carol". It was really good, minus the part when all the boys were texting each other random inappropriate inside jokes and all laughing so hard they were crying. (At least it was during intermission)

Photobombed!

First date night since BB was born!

One of the neatest things Nanny did was take all the kids to Thanksgiving Point for "Breakfast with Santa"

I really had no idea what to expect.

Their "dining hall" was set up with tons of round tables and chairs. There were two buffet lines that kept hoards of food flowing. Santa was set up on the stage and there were several stations set up with activities for the kids. 

Jack Man likes his breakfast food

Hanging out with the big guy himself

The kids were all really distracted by...

The Coca Cola Polar Bear!! Because nothing says Kids and Christmas like a giant glass of Coca Cola.

Aimee and weird-o Buddy the Elf

Face painting time!

"Ladies, I mustache you a question..."

After about 2 hours at this place the moms and Nanny were DONE. While driving out we saw some reindeer!!

Too Cute!

Ok, that is about all I can do at the moment... there are a lot more Christmas pictures. I should probably just make a photobook and call it good. :)

Excuses

BLOG! Where have you been? I am never going to catch up... I still need to write about Christmas... our exciting hospital trip, Bridget's 6 month pics (now that she is nearly 8), umm... my trip to Florida with the kids... Greg leaving the country and my "single mom struggles"... So much to write!
Part of the problem is that Greg has the laptop 99% of the time. We have another one, which I am using right now, but the screen is just about broken completely off. I have to prop it up against a wall to use it. Plus the charger has to be plugged in at just the right angle to work. I am so looking forward to having a fully functioning laptop of my own someday.

Ok, I will give myself 30 minutes to write. Ready. Set. Go!

Snow

When I told Aimee that there would be snow at Nanny's house she was ELATED. But then worried, "Am I going to miss Christmas?!" I guess when you are four, snow = Christmas. We cleared that up and enjoyed the white stuff. There was plenty of it this trip.

And little Aimee is a total snow bunny. She LOVED it. Played outside in it for hours. I think I was good for about 30 minutes. 

She loved hunting for "crystals" (chunks of ice) with her cousins. And playing snow lions. And sledding. 

(There are a million action shots of Aimee, but I liked them too much to edit out more)

My  handsome boys

Neal and Min

Addie and "Walz-cracker" (Um Laura, just so you  know, when Jack saw this picture he pointed to you and that's the name he said. Haha)

Neal and "baby Chris"

(Greg's family is known for having some pretty random nick-names)

Bree, Con-man, and Michael

I think this one is from the first day all the kids went sledding together. Jack was a royal wreck. As evident in this photo.  Don't worry, he had more fun the next time. (Conner wasn't too happy either)

Round 2:

Love Greg's face in this one

Love!

Sweet Bobo taking care of Jack

Playing snow lions