ok...its been quite some time.its funny when i'm happy, i dun usually write it down, its only when i'm troubled or have something to pour out and have no where to express that i seek to write it down.i forgot why i wrote the previous blog, totally forgotten.but i knew i was very happy.i was happy then sad but happy again.that time when i was happy again, God was granting joy in my heart and the passion to desire to serve Him.But now, it somehow died down...i'm really puzzled by this fluctuations.why does God seem so distant away...or maybe i shld say 'feel'.the lousy feeling is coming back to me again.how i wish everything would just stop there...the period of time when i was so happy. My friends,esp one,made me so happy.i had love for ppl, for my friends and felt good caring for them...felt that love was in my heart. but at the same time, i was neglecting others. i felt i was changing for the better, not thinking about myself as much.but i realised i neglected others.not only did i neglect, but didn't have love for them, in fact felt a bit irritated.i'm so bad and so biased.I dun want to be like that, but somehow i was following my feelings instead of the desire to follow Jesus' attitudes.ah....perhaps this is what went wrong. Following my feelings too much...i just want to be happy...
i really thank God for changing and transforming my life and my attitudes towards it.i've matured,making my spiritual life the center of my life.but i dun seem to be very disciplined in it.i lack bible knowledge to encourage ppl, correct ppl in a tactful way. i'm just so lousy. feel that i'm ever ready to absorb whatever is said to me, be it encouragement, advices, God's word and i'll ponder over them, but when it comes to my turn to encourage, give advice or proclaim God's word, i dun really do a good job in making ppl understand what i'm trying to say.
i was really happy at that time when this friend somehow treated me so much better. treating me as if i'm a friend whom he can enjoy playing, joking, laughing with and also complain to. i missed the times when told me abt stuff in his heart. it was so full of passion for God, to want to bring ppl back to church, to want to see ppl grow, to want to see ppl saved, and to want to encourage me with God's word.i missed the times when he started complaining to me abt stuff, i've never seen this side of him and it made me feel closer as a friend to him.i missed the time when we had so much fun...or maybe i should say i had so much fun with him.but everything seems to be coming to an end. it's like its slowly dying down...the fun, the closeness. i dunnoe why...why does this have to stop.this happiness.now the weird feeling with him is coming back...
i feel so slack this sem...but at the same time i noe i have lotsa stuff to do...why am i so lazy and ill-disciplined.