today is saturday...the last saturday before christmas. Went for the youth party and was really glad that huibing and her sister came. still rmb last week when i asked huibing to come for the party and she wasn't really interested...was telling the rest that i was quite sad about it but no one seemed to listened. i went home to pray for her and was ready to ask her again the next time of tuition. God answered my prayer as huibing said that she's coming for it together with her sister. though they were not convinced by me but by michelle( huibing's auntie's friend whose in charis), i'm still as thankful that God brought them here to church today. i was really touched when huibing actually brought me a gift. giving huibing tuition has made me feel that serving God is not just about benefitting my own life and also not just about obeying the leaders' request but have the unwilling heart to do it. it's been wonderful teaching her cos she's such a nice person. quiet but not quiet to an extent of being shy. can relate to her easily. really pray that she and her family can receive Christ in their lives.
managed to talk to alex and get to know him for the first time today...a nice person to talk to.
had choir practice today, din thot it woul be fruitful but turned out quite ok. managed to make out some dance steps. feel that i dun really do a good job in understanding and being sensitive to ppl's feelings...sometimes when i see one or two ppl looking sian or sulky, din really go and talk to them to ask wat they need...sometimes i'm not even observant enough to see ppl feeling that way...
i'll stop here...feeling sleepy.

there are times...when i am weak...i need someone by my side...there are times...i need joy...but no one can give...who can make me free, who can make me happy...do you know?--this song is in my head the whole day...and the rest of the song goes like this: jesusmakes me free, jesus makes me happy, jesus you are king, sing unto the Lord a new song and i will worship Him with all my might...blah, blah, blah...dunnoe how come it's in my mind cos i dun usually have 'mind songs'...perhaps its something from God.
today was an ok day for me...went to visit my little niece. poor little thing who has a mother who doesn't want her. her mum called me the other day and i din know how to react. i talked to her like normal, but deep in my heart i really want to talk to her regarding her daughter but it's difficult cos we weren't that close. huiwen is oni 4 but i can already she that her personality resembles her mum, strong and domineering. this girl, ever since she was born, i seldom hear her cry...at least compared to other babies i've seen. wish i had the ability to take care of her, give her good education, bring her up with Jesus in her life and not allow her to become like her mum. i wonder how would she feel when she grows up...i wonder how she feels now? will she be like in those drama series whereby she'll grow up to hate her mum. i have a feeling she will. really hope that i can bring her to church...
sin wei called me today at seven plus and she made me feel closer to her as a friend by making this call.
k, now no mood to write liao...going for the youth camp tmr...

i went blading alone yesteraday at night...it was a wet and cold night...as i blade along the usual and only path to east coast...there were the familiar difficult and dangerous barriers to overcome and the eriee, dark and quiet parts to go through. it's lonely blading alone...but somehow used to it. in my mind, when i'm blading, i would hope for company, a person to blade with me and make me feel safe when we blade pass the scary stretches of road...God is always the one who would be with me as i blade, to protect me from any danger...it would be better if there is another person to come along. the good part in blading alone is, that i can go in my own pace and enjoy the cool breeze brush against my face, i can spend time alone with God when i rest at a bench as i look at the sea and hear the waves splashing against the shore. yesterday, i looked at the cloudy dark sky and sang to God, prayed to God. i prayed for God to grant me the strength to serve him and to bring people to believe in Him, prayed for my love ones who are not yet in the Kingdom of God, prayed for the ever existing issue in my heart and mind, and i actually prayed to God for someone to love me...heehee, not sure whether i'm allowed to do that...it started drizzling and i left for home...on my way, went to bryan's house to take back my water bottle.
tonight is also a cold night. like this kind of cold weather, only if it's not wet...spoils all activities. bought a can of beer just now...scare my mum...haha.

today is the first day of youth choir practice and i was quite excited about the whole thing...until someone came...i knew this would come and i will feel this way again...i thot i was over with it but somehow i'm still not strong enough to resist the coming of this "mood", though its not as bad as before. how i wish i can just get over it and live a happy life...but the treatment...i can't stand the treatment, the biasness, the favoritism. i've already tried my best not to behave this way, not to think this way...but wat's wrong with me? i tried my best to serve God but this thing is always in the way...how nice if i can share this during my testimony...but it's not over yet...
i'm suppose to share my testimony this sat in front of so many ppl...i thot i could do it...i thot i had something to say, to share and encourage others. but come to think of it...i had none. i did my quiet time...i depended on God during exams, but after exams...i din...so if i share that, i would be lying. so wat should i share? i have to pray...
Now, i feel so useless...i know i'm trying hard to serve god...hmmm i shouldn't say that, cos God made me and He has a purpose for me...i feel helpless...
i wonder when i can stop feeling depressed...
but come to think of it...i've made a bit of progress liao...my thots have become more mature...not as narrow-minded, not judging people as often... not thinking about how others think of me as much and blah blah blah...
guess i'll stop here, feel better after writing this down...God is the greatest! me now feeling a bit hungry...heehee