life in uni...its been busy for me, always rushing to lec, trying to finish my reports and tutorials, now moving in to my hostel, thinking about my com... dunnoe wats happening to it, and blahblahblah...until now i'm still sad and disappointed in not able to make it for the jazz vocal...guess i'm really lousy, not good...i've always wanted to do smth, master smth in music...want to learn to play the guitar and/or keyboard well, but seems quite impossible...thot can improve singing skills if can get into jazz but this hope is gone...i can never master anything.life seems so blank and empty for me rite now, cos everythings new, sch and frens...i feel that old frens are gone...cos dun see them, and they dun bother to call, sms...perhaps i'm juz an acquaintance in their lives, nothing for them to bother about.thats so sad...nownow, i'm being self-centered here...i really really miss one particular old fren, but i guess i'm just wat is mentioned above to him...thinking of him brings back wonderful memories, but at the same time, reminds me of the misery i feel in liking him...perhaps he knows perhaps he dosen't... i just want to be able to tok to him like i tok to any other closer friends and him toking to me like toking to his closer frens...misery is wat i feel, and no one understands me...no one can help me, i can only help myself...but i noe i dun have the ability to.cos i've tried and tried and tried. i'm lousy in maintaining frenships, let olone building one...bladed just now,i'm always blading alone, no fun... would think of asking bryan or matt along, but i noe that they wun go with me, wat for waste my msg. missed blading with edda. how i long to have a blading fren.
went to my hostel today to clean up, really sad that i got this lousy room...dusty nevermind, but i got stained, cracked walls...and lots of double-sided tapes all over, can't even take out. even if i furnish the room, it will look ugly with all the tapes...hai...but at least i noe there are nice ppl there. met a girl in the washroom and she was so excited to noe that i'm a singaporean cos all the rest of the cluster ppl were foreigners...i asked her name twice and still i forgot ...met ying hua and 2 indians...was thinking of doing smth in the cluster to let everyone noe each other better. hopefully in this environment i can bring someone to christ.
talking about christ, i've not been doing my quiet time, seemed to be distant from god...must set my mind to start soon, hopefully immediately.
have not really met up with sin wei this week, wonder whether it will be like this throughout the next few weeks.
one is my bestest fren, and one is someone i like but i noe i shouldnt and want to be gd frens with him but seems impossible...a weird relationship i dun feel comfortable accepting but trying to...

everytime i cry for him, i will think of putting a drop of my tear into a small bottle, so i will noe how much i cried for him...this reminds me of the song 'Cry me a River'.