this is my first post, using my new laptop... quite happy with it and realized that i hav so much more to learn on how to use a computer. i'm going to write my thots here, hopefully i did the rite thing so that ppl cannot see my post.i guess here is where i will write out all my true thots...in which ppl would be sian of listening to. today was an alrite, slightly to the good side, day for me... was worried in the morning and contemplating whether to go 4 the jazz audition. went to lec. also can't really concentrate. was disappointed when no one could give me emotional support. but at least mel c gave me assurance that i can do it. dunnoe why but just somehow feel that after coming to uni, life is jus me and me alone...although there are ppl ard whom i can joke with,play with and talk to...but juz somehow the closeness of being friends with ppl is not there. (tuffers, mel c, barb, edda, yan lin) even with sin wei, dun really see her in sch that much. somehow, hav this bo chap feeling to try to maintain friendship with ppl. i feel that i hav this aura of unfriendliness and unexcitement ard me, that makes my friends not prefer to be with me. i'm a boring person, not knowing how to socialise, make ppl laugh or feel the importance of my presence. sin wei, matt told me its not true, that i'm oni juz quiet. and matt said that there are different kinds of ppl, ppl to crack jokes, and ppl to listen to them. it wun be balanced if everybody jus make jokes and no one to listen to them. its quite true...but no one wld understand how i feel- wanting to be more approachable but not being able to do so no matter how hard i try. whenever in a big group, i'll always be the one listening, and somehow i'll get tired and sian after some time. i'm jus not fun at all. it comes to a point where i just think this way all the time and it makes me even more down and tired of talking to ppl...matt said i'm happier now, perhaps its only 4 today. perhaps it'll oni last 4 a few days. i think cos i see more familiar faces in church, after being either alone or with ppl i'm not really close to the whole week. coming back to church, i feel more comfortable. some made me laugh, some toked more to me in which normally they dun. think i'll stop here today. tired liao