Merry Christmas!

My cute baby all wrapped up playing at the Snow Playground at this year's Christmas Wonderland. A hefty $12 for 30 minutes of snow (or rather, ice) play. We took the last session at 10.15pm and there were only 5 kids, as opposed to 25 in the earlier sessions. And they kindly stretched the end time so Ariel had about 50 mins of play :)

December was a sweet month to end the year.
Had house-warmings, outings, hotel buffet, gatherings.
Lots of quality time with my little one too! Although i wished we could have had more.

My ariel told me she wants me to look after her (and not the helper).
Yesterday morning, she woke up crying and saying - Mummy don't go to work.

I don't think the helper has done anything to scare my child. but which child wouldn't want her dearest kin to be the one caring for her, right.

Looking back at my childhood, there was a painful moment of me clinging onto my mother's leg as we walked along the corridor to send her off to the airport for an overseas trip.

My mother is a high achiever. While i acknowledge that she has done her best to love and raise us, i wouldn't have minded more time with her.

So that's what i wish to give my own daughter now. even better if i could cast financial concerns aside and raise her myself. But i know finances will get stretched and there are so many opportunity costs.

Recently I read a very simple book about following your heart's song. So touching and so fitting. takes courage and bravery to follow your heart, especially in a pragmatic world like ours. But then again, we only have one life and life is short.

Feeling so burdened by thoughts again. Why am i so melancholic :(

Memories

A happy memory 1 year ago when we were in Japan.

Sadly, I have not stepped beyond Singapore and Malaysia since then.

December draws a close to yet another year that has passed so quickly. I failed to update my blog for 2 months! although it lingered in my thoughts to, but time kept me busy, and whatever spare time I had was wasted on indolent browsing of social media for trivia titbits. I even failed to read books. Tsk to myself.

Life must be more than this! After being so driven while doing my masters and coping with the hustle of newborn-caregiving, I really took it easy and laid back - maybe too comfortably back. Oops.

So, instead of napping on this beautiful rainy afternoon, I decided to come to this space to recollect and do some looking ahead.

A major event that took place was the verdict and the sentencing of those involved in the City Harvest trial. The church is close to my heart. I spent my entire youth there. It has made a big difference in society, even patients at my workplace who do not attend the church has expressed gratitude to the community support it has provided. It was sad to learn of the conviction. my prayers go out to the many whose lives are intertwined with all that has happened.

My work has been smooth. It isn't exactly demanding, neither does it pay poorly. But of late, I am giving some serious thoughts about the caregiving of my child. I always wonder, why give birth to a child for someone else to look after? if I could get my income and still be the primary caregiver of my child, it would be the best.

Everyday when I view the wireless monitor from work, I see my daughter wasting away in front of the television. I see a helper taking her nap while my daughter gets glued on the tube. I don't blame anyone or anything. after all, it is the expectations of life that made us choose decisions to such an outcome. I yearn to be there for my daughter at her waking and sleeping; and still maintain some social contact and income generation. i am afraid of giving up my job for the years I have committed myself to and the benefits it brings. This current helper's 2year contract would also be coming to an end in April and she has declared that she wouldn't be staying on. I do wonder hard what the road ahead beckons.

Lord, I am so troubled. Please let me have a Word for peace to my soul.

There was a testimony that stayed ingrained in my thoughts recently. A south indian pastor's wife had an opportunity to work in National University Hospital. he came along, answering the call to do God's mission in Singapore. he managed to get connected to a church and started a thriving Telugu fellowship, ministering to many Indian workers in Singapore. Life was hard in Singapore with the costs of living and their income could barely meet ends He struggled with this and told God to send him back to his home country. God told him, I sent you here not to get rich, but to make rich peoples' soul. He heard this and felt tremendous peace. I related to him, peace that surpasses all understanding. Just a precious Word to affirm what we are here for. Peace.

John 14:27. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Lord, be a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path. Selah

Mourning the loss of my green care bear

I'm hardly sentimental, but there is one plush toy that holds a special place in my heart.

This small green care bear has been with me for 6-7 years.

It has gone through some milestones with me in adulthood.

When i got my home, when i got married, when i took on my masters, when i got pregnant, when i gave birth to my first child.

And i gave it to Ariel and she adored it, calling it baby green bear.

But a child being a child, she had her inattentive moments - and baby green bear went through a few missing scares.

There was one time, the baby green bear got lost after a walk. I thought it'd be gone forever. After backtracking our path, it was miraculously found. Thank God!

This afternoon's trip to Hard Rock Cafe at RWS was the last time i saw her. I recall the bear sitting on ariel's lap during lunch. I cannot recall it being with us when we went to the SEA aquarium thereafter.

When we got home, ariel asked for baby green bear after dinner and we realised it was no longer in the bag. I had a dreadful feeling that it's already lost.

We called Hard Rock Cafe and SEA aquarium, nothing found. I even personally went back to Hard Rock Cafe but it wasn't there anymore. All possible places were checked...

i don't know why, but i am feeling such an extreme grief of loss now. I could even cry.

Now, i only have photos to reminisce baby green bear. I hope you are in a better place, green bear. thank you for the memories...

Hazy Days

The past few days' PSI was in the unhealthy range.

We couldn't do much but stay indoors.

It appears that haze is now an annual affair. Since we cannot go out, lets do some art and craft! Here's ariel and her artwork done with recycled toilet rolls.

Recently I've been a little reflective over time that has passed and wondered how i could have done things differently and see a different me today. Can't help but feel a sense of disappointment over some of my choices.

I really need to seek refuge in the Word.. His Promise on restoration. Praying the rest of my days ahead would count for the Lord.

Joel 2:26
The threshing floors will be full of grain, And the vats will overflow with the new wine and oil. "Then I will make up to you for the years That the swarming locust has eaten, The creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust, My great army which I sent among you. "You will have plenty to eat and be satisfied And praise the name of the LORD your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you; Then My people will never be put to shame.

Thankful

Little Ariel started her first ballet class at 30 months old on 6 August (2.5 years old).

My heart is swelling with pride as I sit outside her ballet room waiting.

Ok first, let me qualify myself. I've never in my mind imagined sending her for ballet lessons. It's only when I started observing that she liked to twirl, dance and jump, did I consider that she might enjoy this exposure. 

The night before, i was concerned she'll start to cry if i cannot enter the dance room with her! The Ballet School is rather strict, they do not allow parents to enter, not even for the first class. They also have to go for a trial class for the teacher to assess if they are suitable to join. 

So my little girl surprised me and went into the class without issue :) There was another newbie but she cried and eventually couldn't join in.

After the class, the teacher also said she could follow instructions and concentrate despite being the youngest. 

Ariel could also show and tell me what she learnt after the classes (so far 2)

The only downside - No observation window for parents to see what they learn! 

Now i really appreciate having a job that pays decently. Gives me financial ability to give my daughter a little better stuff in life. 

Another thing I'm very pleased about is the setting up of her bookshelf! I've long wanted to have some proper storage and retrieval for her books. Which she has many, considering we visit the library regularly. Managed to find one online and it was delivered 2 days later! Impressive :) 

My baby (not really a baby anymore) is growing up so fast. And showing some signs on terrible-twos. However, overall i think she's still really sweet and loving. My husband always says i spoil her.

We had 2 staycations this month! First one was over the national day weekend at Changi Village hotel, which was also Ariel's first trip to Pulau Ubin. The next one was the weekend that just passed, at the very luxurious Capella Hotel! An exceptional experience of indulgence... Shall blog more on my staycations at a later time. 

Recap on time passed

Goodness!

3 whole months whizzed by without me coming to update.

My time now is taken up by work and also maximizing time spent with my little active daughter. Exploring different places of play, reading lots of books, trying different experiences.

Now i shall attempt to recap how the time passed so speedily!

April was ariel's inaugural "debut" as a flower girl at Sheena's wedding. haha. Did not turn out well! The page boy cried and vomited. Ariel was influenced and also cried, wanting to cling onto me. Eventually the bride and her father walked in without introduction. Didn't help that i was the keyboardist that day and she attempted to run up to the altar while the solemnization was ongoing, haha..

Moving on, month of May was momentous.
Ariel made yet another "debut". This time was for my company's corporate video. She had a short filming stint acting as a pediatric patient. It went well this time! The videographer enjoyed working with her because "she was just being herself". Happily showing the doctor her little scratches and bruises. Haha..

Month of May was also my company's D&D and RWS. Added some random shots of what we did too.

We also had staycation again! This time at Pan Pacific hotel. The experience wasn't as great as my last stay there 2 years ago. Probably because this time they had full occupancy. It pays to travel during lull periods. We basically lazed around and ate a lot.

I also got finally got down to installing a child seat on my bicycle! Best investment ever. We have made countless trips on the bike together to parks, playgrounds, shopping malls, for breakfast, for a little night ride etc. A great experience being able to cycle with her on a bike :)

Month of June! Andrew finally finished his Masters and we did a mini celebration by going overseas, but nearby only, to Club Med Cherating. We took a budget flight (Firefly) to Kuantan and did land transfer to the resort. It was BAKING HOT. And the little one had a 3-day fever after we returned. Club Med's service is impeccable as always. But this one didn't suit us as well. Perhaps due to the guest profile? Guests were not as enthusiastic. The activities saw less participation compared to Bintan and Bali. My favourite aqua aerobics was severly under subscribed. I reckon I'll prefer Club Med Bintan anytime.

 Ariel came to work with me one weekend too! while I was on duty for a public forum. She sat around and "helped" a little. Since then, she occasionally bugs me to bring her to work.

 Once i knock off from work everyday, I'll make it a point to bring her somewhere to play. And also deplete her energy so we can all have a good night's rest. Here's us exploring outdoor and indoor parks, catching fish too :)

My birthday has also come and go. Kicked off with a simple celebration with some common friends who also had July birthdays. Followed by a refreshing worship session at Darlene Zschech's concert before i hit 29 years old on this earth.

Just a log of where my time went. Hope to write more deep stuff on my own reflections someday soon. Capture moments in life before they pass me like another falling leaf...

10 days of hospitalization leave that passed too fast

Good things come to an end.

I really enjoyed the break and time spent with my little ariel.

On 23 March at 3.18pm, my nation was saddened by the passing of Singapore's founding father, Mr Lee Kuan Yew.

I started to look around at the clean and green, and effective systems we had and realized how much we had to thank this visionary man for. How we have taken for granted all that this nation provided and harbored discontentment.

This week was a good week for me to ponder on my own life too. Back in 2011, i had some thoughts on contributing and volunteering to serve the community, and this thought reignited with the passing of Mr Lee. I will wait on the Lord regarding this and have Him direct my paths.


A little recap on how i spent my 1 week.

On Monday, I spent $8.40 on a groupon voucher at brought ariel to Happy Willows (unlimited play) at OneKM. It was newly opened, and the best thing is, she had the whole place to herself for up to 2 hours before some other kids came!

On Tuesday, we visited the National Museum hoping to catch the exhibition on Mr Lee Kuan Yew but alas, it was not ready yet. We stumbled upon a play area in the museum and were delighted to find some kampong house kind of layout. It was laden with many cooking toys and ariel once again, was the only child there enjoying stir-frying and braising food in claypot. Hahaha...

Wednesday and Friday were spent accompanying her to playgroup and i had some time to catch up on readings, so many articles on Mr LKY to pore over.

Thursday was memorable because we paid our last respects to Mr Lee lying in state. We joined the priority queue which took us about 1.5 hours to enter the parliament house. It was sombre and sorrowful passing the casket that held his body.

Heavy emotions this week. Nevertheless, we must keep our spirits up and ensure the legacy he left carries on. May God bless Singapore.