Staycation turned nightmare

Looked forward to our staycation at Amara Hotel last weekend. Everything started off well, with happy and relaxed moments in the room and good spread of hotel breakfast.

On our 2nd day of stay, we visited Takashimaya because Andrew had vouchers to be spent. Here's a cute shot of her exploring rows at Taka's cold storage.

Thereafter, we proceeded to Takashimaya's food hall for late lunch.
Ariel sat on the baby seat (unknown to us, it was faulty).
The table attached to the chair got dislodged and in a split second, before we could react, she fell forward from the height of the baby chair, crashing to the ground on her face.
Her tongue got punctured, suffered upper teeth trauma, gum bruised. Her face, her clothes, my clothes were all soiled with blood. Horrid Horrid Horrid.

(An aftermath for remembrance)

The divine thing that happened was, just as we were feeling helpless with a bleeding baby at the basement trying to think quickly what we should do next, Victor called out to Andrew. He was there with his family (supposed to be Sentosa but it rained). Like, how and why on earth were they there and we could meet in coincidental timing! He rushed us to KKH A&E.

My brave girl staying cheerful and positive while waiting to see the doctor and dentist.

Cozying up to bed sheets after the doctors' examinations.
As at today, she developed fever. Unsure whether it's related or not. But I'm praying hard for super quick and flawless recovery, and for this terrible incident to be erased from her memory.

Painful lesson for us - Never ever to take baby's safety for granted.

Her seat shall be my lap henceforth!

2013 is almost over

This is the last week of November and we are into December soon.
I'm really marveled by the passing of time. It's way too fast.
Feeling like I have nothing much to look forward to. Everyone's got a year end holiday planned, except for me. Hehe
Must think of some ways to make myself happy (locally).
Ahh...
That reminds me, Ariel's 1st birthday is coming up! About 2 months away.
Already have in mind what we want to do.
Have booked a suite a hotel fort canning, and will invite family and close friends for a small celebration.
I am not one who relishes in big gatherings. Haha...
Ending with a photo of our mother-and-daughter Sunday walk at gardens by the bay east!

Finally weaning, at 9.5 months old

This week has been particularly stressful for me.
One, because my hospital's audit is next week, and two, because I am struggling to keep up with my baby's milk demand.
This girl has been guzzling breast milk like nobody's business, and her appetite is insatiable!
More so, she doesn't want to take the formula milk even when she appears to be starving. She rather cries. Gosh.
My father had to come and collect milk from my workplace just so that she has enough for the day.
This is definitely not sustainable.
I tried pumping every 2 hours, and waking up in the middle of the night to pump. It seemed like this stress was doing me no good. The increased pumping didn't yield sufficient supply either.
well anyway, today I'm on leave, so I tried offering formula milk again but she was adamant.
I wasn't for the idea of mixing bm and formula in case she wasn't receptive and I'd have to throw the precious milk away...
Thankfully, she was alright when I finally tried mixing.
Even when formula milk was just a quarter part of the breast milk feed, she displayed some resistance! I thought the taste of powdered milk would be insignificant.
Such a big relief when she polished off the mixed bottle. Maybe because she was hungry. Haha.
Anyhow, I shall work hard at getting her taste buds accustomed to more formula milk.
I am tired and this is making me stressed up and on the verge of losing my sanity! Increasingly wearied and having no joy :(

exhausted with a capital E

I am SO TIRED. and I don't know why. I think i shouldn't be? Because I'm blessed with a baby who sleeps through the night since 11 weeks. Work wise, i have had increased work load, but I think it is still manageable as a whole? And I've also resumed working 1-2 saturdays a month. Hmm. Study wise, it's done! Ministry wise, I'm only coping with once a month serving at most. Breastfeeding wise, I'm only pumping 4 times a day now (verses 6 times a day previously). So why I am tired everyday? I have no mood and enthusiam for anything. can't figure it out :( I just want to sleep and have a good long break. Yet I cannot bear to be apart from my baby. Not even a night :( And I've not put in any effort in weaning her to formula milk. But I know bfing is not sustainable for long. it takes A LOT for a working mother to cope. so anyway, my point is, I AM SO TIRED AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.

Gosh, more than 2 months have passed since my last update. would really have wished to blog more but time just did not permit! 16 september marked the end of my masters journey. it was TOUGH. thinking about the days where i slept only 3 hours sent shivers down my spine. and where i could only get work done after baby has gone to bed, and more so, the maid went home for 3 weeks during my submission period. where do i begin lamenting about the experience... nonetheless, i made it! And here's my final product. dedicated foremost to the One who created this amazing gift, and my babe!

well we managed to do a 3D2N staycation at pan pacific hotel sometime when ariel was about 4.5 months old. it's so outdated, i know.

she has grown so fast and I've not really been keeping track of her milestones. As long as I know she's a little ahead of the average, or at least near, I'm assured. Heh Heh :)

Well, since I've completed my studies, what am I up to now? I wish I had more time to do what i like, but the answer is NO. Andrew has just embarked on his MBA programme and I'm his ghost writer. sadly. there is still no end to reading and writing... and work has not been very kind too. I need a break! I really do! something to give myself a pat on the shoulder for, I am still breastfeeding! yay... no formula milk thus far. And i assure you, it's hard work! literally blood and sweat and... Hunger... haha

Breastfeeding

Time flies and my baby is turning 6 months old next week!
I also would have fulfilled the recommendation to breastfeed her exclusively for 6 months (less the 1st month where she had formula feed at night).

BFing is no easy feat, especially for a working mother! The rush I face to find time to pump in between busy schedules. Experts always say you'd need to be relaxed for let-down of milk to occur, but I think I've conditioned myself to do speed pumping. besides this, I also cannot stay out too long without considering the next available timing required to pump milk before getting overly engorged. Long hours out from home means I must bring my pump along, or plan ahead to time my last pump just before I step out. take last month when I went back to serving. travel time, morning rehearsal and 2 JW services left me with an 8-hour gap before I managed to empty my breasts (in the toilet)... Even so, the cleaner wanted to rush me out so that she could lock up! Now, my baby doesn't even want to latch on after being spoiled by the bottle teat. So, if she's out with me, I must bring cold milk and hot water for warming up. or, i bring my pumps to express fresh milk for her. HAIYA, enough rants. bottom line, it's a whole lot of sacrifice and inconvenience! But I'll gladly do it for her :)

This BFing affair has taken a toll on my right wrist. Sadly, repetitive use of my hand has caused me to develop de Quervain's syndrome. Hurts every time I rotate my wrist and thumb. And I cannot apply any anti-inflammatory medication because it's not recommended for nursing mothers.

I have to give up my favourite Avent ISIS manual pump and switch to electric pump to let my wrist heal. Tried both Medela and Ameda dual electric pumps, but I'm not experiencing the same comfort and effectiveness in milk expression. With my avent manual pumps, in 10-15 minutes, I can express about 5oz + of milk every 3 hours. The electric pumps give me about 3-3.5 oz only. Perhaps I'm not used to the feel of automated suctions? And my breast is feeling a little sore now. cannot decide what's worse. Sigh, I hope to see a light at the end of the tunnel soon.

no matter what, my daughter's nutrition and well-being is tantamount. I hope to continue BFing as long as I can, so Lord, please take care of my right wrist can? I'm desperately in need of relief...

So in love with the little one!

There's this Sunday school song that goes like:
I keep falling in love with Him over and over and over and over again.

It's so apt to describe how I'm loving my daughter! At 5 months old, she can chuckle, smile, giggle and play with you. what a loving delight :)

Had a good break at MBS to celebrate my sister's 21st. Remarkable service and nice effort to make the birthday girl feel special. The only spoiler was the horrid haze. Argh. Little babe experienced some wheezing from the haze. Other than that, she has been doing well! :) Love her so much, muacks. I actually miss my maternity break, sigh.

It's the last lap of my masters now. A 20,000-word dissertation to be completed by end August.
I am feeling weary and stressed about this.
Constantly battling the lack of sleep and time to get work done.
Lord, empower me, and be the strength of my heart and my portion!

Brave girl

my little girl had to endure 2 simultaneous jabs to her left and right thigh, plus swallow a syringe of oral dose. she wailed nonetheless, but caved in to sleep on mummy's chest after the traumatic experience. was a little warmer than usual in the night, but after downing lots of breastmilk, she is so much better. No fever or any other discomfort too! PTL :)

I was a little bit disheartened. babe was on the 97th percentile during her first visit, but both her weight and height has tailed down now. sighs. Doctor assured that she was just adjusting to her parents' size (which is average). but of cos, self doubts creeped in like whether she's having enough nutrition, and why is she not remaining chubby on the high growth scale! glanced at a formula-fed baby and he looked so big with many folds...

*better stop these nonsensical thinkings and believe that breast milk is still the best nourishment for baby*

we took ariel on the MRT for her inaugural ride. this little girl is so curious about her surroundings!

Enjoying a brief respite :)

a term has concluded! last week was very very trying. studying, assignment, lack of sleep. but my dear babe has been very cooperative. at 11 weeks, she started sleeping for a 6-hour stretch. then it became 7-hour. now, at 15-16 weeks old, she's sleeping 8 hours! and somehow she just puts herself to bed between 10pm to 11pm. whoo hoo! life is getting easier! i took the day off to bring ariel for her 2nd dr's visit and vaccination. praying hard that she remains symptom-free (no fever, no side effects) like her very first jab!

It is finished!!!

Phew, can finally take a break after completing 2 exams. perhaps just a breather. Because I have another 2000 words essay on medical law due this coming Monday... darts... that's my portion for now. just have to bear with it and rely on God's strength to see me through! took the entire week off but my days passed too fast. not exactly looking forward to going back to work next week. so I'm thankful for a public holiday coming up. My mum and sis are touring Europe now. how envious I am. heh heh, and I managed to look after my baby while studying! *a pat on my own back* Anyways, the little one is 14 weeks old today! or is it 15 weeks? Hmm. she has brought much joy to my life! :) love you baby! stay happy and healthy!

Babies are so interesting and full of expressions!
From wailing in hunger, getting teary-eyed when milk is finally served, to squealing in delight.
she's such a joy to watch! :)

feeling a little concerned now though. ever since going back to work, I've reduced my pumping sessions. milk supply has dipped :( Gotta keep being disciplined on this! Results for last term's modules are out. It was a pretty trying period, having delivered early and rushing to complete a paper. however, I managed to score a distinction and the assignment I submitted just after delivery was 2 marks shy from a distinction. Thank God for His grace!

back to work

started work last Monday. am currently working about 3 days a week. thankfully my boss is agreeable to such an arrangement :)

It's tiring to be back at work! plus I do not get to have a proper lunch, because i need to utilize my break time to pump milk. have to pump at least 2-3 times at day, because the less I pump, the less milk I'll produce... Demand and supply issue. so far I've managed to stock up about 2 days' worth of feeds in the fridge for my babe. was praying hard that I'd have enough milk when I get back to work so my babe won't have to be supplemented with formula milk. Thank God for answering my prayers! the problem i have now is the lack of storage bottles, despite buying a box of 10 Avent cups last month, a good problem. so I've gotta turn to disposable milk storage bags. To my amazement, it's rather costly... at most retail shops, one disposable bag is about 70 cents to $1. some research online has led me to order a korean brand which is just 23 cents per piece!

well, have yet to try it out. but you know, the information online always have differing views on storage of BM... such as nutrients being lost in the bags, concerns over whether substances in the plastic bags would affect the milk content... one's head can really grow big absorbing these information. at the end of the day, i can only pray, God sanctify the milk! may what my babe consumes bring nourishment to her body and no harm :)

the little one at 10 weeks old! 

ariel's first neonatal visit

After a bad experience with Marine Parade polyclinic, we decided that private services were the way to go.

visited KKH's Private Children's clinic today. Was greeted with nice facilities, friendly nurses and efficient service! The place was rather bare, a huge contrast to the polyclinic. waiting time was also minimal. Ariel's paediatrician provided excellent care, from the way she handled the babe, we could see that she was a doctor who genuinely loved infants. I loved the nurses who administered her vaccinations too! usually a parent would cradle the babe during the injection, but I requested for the nurse to hold her (haha, a first for them...) and they made her feel so secure that she only gave a loud cry! brave baby :)  Thanking God that she did not develop any fever or discomfort after the vaccination too.

Oh yes, I was also reading online that breast fed babies are usually on the 50-75 percentile in terms of growth. but my dear babe is on the highest - 97 percentile! my colleague's son who's on total formula is also on the 97 percentile. my little babe is growing well. mother's milk is just as good! even better, i'd say.

no doubt, we'll probably save quite a substantial amount if we have her vaccines done at the polyclinic, but nothing beats such professional service and exclusive care! had a quick discussion with Andrew and we decided to stick with private services for her future visits.

ariel turns 2 months old tomorrow! and she'll be making her inaugural visit to church this Good Friday! :)

Mummy stop taking my photo!

I said STOP!

SHOO!!!

Hmpf...

Still take???

Sigh, i give up...

Blow you away...

Hoooooo~

You still take????

The feeling of being a mother is still surreal to me. sometimes I look at my baby and I can't believe I'm a mother. haha. 6 weeks have just gone by so fast. Another 2 weeks and I'll be back to work.

Life changes so much. when I go out, I have the desire to keep my time outside as short as possible to get home to see my baby. Attending classes during weekends from 9am - 4pm have been a good prep for me to get back to work. pumping milk during breaks and gulping my food down in 15 minutes. Of course, I'm still dealing with the lack of sleep but things are better now :)

Praying to God for grace, strength and joy to be the best mother I can be. I often lament that I'm rather limited in what I can do now, even at work where I was put up for a High Potential Employee program, things sort of have come to a hold when I got pregnant. doubt I can even resume serving anytime soon. but am assured that there is a time and season for everything, and the Lord has made everything beautiful in His time. I shall enjoy whatever has been placed in my hands now, which are essentially enjoying my babe and completing my masters.

I love my baby!

overnight, my baby seem to have gone through a growth spurt and became fleshier! haha...

one month has passed...

at the blink of an eye, one month has passed!
the first month is definitely the most challenging.
I remember the first night i brought my babe back, she woke up every hour to suckle on the breast. my breasts were so sore for the 1st 2 weeks, because milk flow was not established. caved into her cryings and got my dad to buy her a tin of enfalac formula milk to pacify her demands.

i must say, breast feeding is actually a joy after breaking through! the minute she was born, I opted for the skin to skin experience. she was so smart to locate the nipple herself and suckle strongly on it. but alas, after being "spoilt" but the bottle, she kinda got lazy and takes my breast as a pacifier, finding comfort on it to fall asleep...

nevertheless, I'm glad i persevered despite the initial challenge! milk flow's established now, and I can pump enough milk for all her feeds, even have extra bottles in the fridge for her feeds when I went for lessons over the weekend. praying that I can breast feed for as long as possible :)

I still have extra weight to lose... Waiting to be cleared by the gynae to start on exercise in 2 weeks time!

meantime, I'm enjoying time with my babe, lots of stuff to learn as a first time parent. You need a strong dose of patience, love and sacrifice of sleep... Hehe....

One week old!

Babe turned 1 week old yesterday.
At the same time, i submitted my final assignment for the term, a 7000 word paper yesterday at midnight. it was a tiring 1 week, having to adjust to a new addition and rush my paper.
Thank God i pulled through. Didn't feel exactly confident about this paper, but I pray for God's grace to be upon it.
The Lord has blessed me richly with this little babe and He adds no sorrow with it!
Need to quickly get my babe into a good sleeping routine so we won't drive ourselves mad.
Thank God for my husband who has been super supportive, and rather obsessive about cleaniness :)
And my dearest mother who offered to let the babe sleep with her a few nights so I could catch up on my rest.
what a relief off my shoulders!

One thing i didn't like. One day after my discharge, I had to bring Ariel to the polyclinic for jaundice check. It was a harrowing experiene!! The polyclinic was crowded beyond imagination. I didn't even have a place to sit, being weak after delivery. Poor babe was also traumatized by the blood test and I had nowhere to nurse her... had to make use of the nurses' room when they were having lunch. Goodness. The polyclinic dr looked clueless about baby issues too. i didn't bother to wait for payment and left the place promptly.

Honestly, after this bad experience, I've made up my mind that as long as I can afford, private services are the way to go! For vaccinations, the polyclinic charges a package of $102. while KKH private children's clinic charges $113. No doubt consultation fee differs quite vastly, but it makes no sense for me to bring her to the polyclinic to save that few dollars. I loved the KKH private suites and services there. So that's the way for my babe to go too. And I'm sure the nurses who are paeds trained can do a better job in handling my precious one.

Okay, enough ranting. Here are some pictures!

Papa's giving me a bath :)

The labour of love

31 Jan started like any ordinary day. I was due for my routine check up at 37 weeks. Plans for the day were to reach KKH early and settle my pre admission paper work so I could wheeze by the administration when the time came for me to deliver, see the doctor, then head to school to work on my 7000 word paper since i took the day off.

pre admission checked. doctor's appointment as usual was speedy. she first gave some not-so-good news. I was GBS positive, meaning bacteria was found in the birth canal and could potentially pass on to the baby. so she wanted me to start on a course of antibiotic. sigh.

next was the ultra sound check. the doctor took quite awhile this time and then told me that she suspected the amniotic fluid was low. she sent me off for a more detailed scan. the sonographer confirmed her suspicion. my amniotic fluid was about half the amount in a normal womb. doctor gave some possibilities... 1) baby was not urinating. 2) baby was drinking the fluid. 3) baby was passing motion in the womb. 4) umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. bottom line, this is an abnormal situation and baby could be in potential distress. so the only way to go was to induce labour and get her out.

she said she was sending me to the delivery suite. so soon?? i asked if i could go home first to get stuff. NO was the answer. that was secondary and anyone could bring things down for me. she sent me out and her nurse was already waiting with a wheelchair to send me off. it was so sudden! i was mentally unprepared. To give birth now.... now.... ? while reality was sinking in, i started to get emotional due to this unexpectation. called my mother to inform her. called andrew to inform him. broke down and cried at the counter. the nurses were so concerned but i appreciated their support.

So, i was wheeled to the delivery suite. breezed through the reception as I have already done my admission work (Thank God). they got me into a room. this is really it. i couldn't help myself and cried again. a senior nurse assured me that the doctor knew what she was doing and she does not want to take any risk. They got me to strip down and change to a hospital gown. strapped me to monitor the baby's heart beat. injected a blood plug and put me on antibiotic drip. then the nurse inserted a tablet through my vagina to soften the cervix.

i could only lie there and be monitored... for 4 hours at least...

Finally, the nurse allowed me to check in to my private ward to rest. by then, andrew had arrived. he was on reservist and the officers rushed him off to be with me.

So the plan was the monitor for contractions and burst of water bag for the rest of the day. else, by 6.30am the next morning, the doctor would burst my water bag and induce labour. waiting, waiting...

the night was interrupted with nurses checking on me, painful 4 hourly antibiotic drips which seemed like eternity to complete...
we kept praying for peace the whole night. seemed like the babe didn't want to come anytime soon.
alas, i roused myself at 5.45am to take a bathe and ate 2 dry crackers to build up my energy for the day ahead.
For a good 11 hours, i sat in the delivery room again. with monitors attached to me, antibiotic drip, saline drip, medication drip to intensify the contractions, a urine drip because i was not allowed to move about. my poor left hand was swollen with medications!
The doctor arrived at about 6.30am and burst my water bag. the waves of pain starting coming and i breathed laughing gas for comfort. it was good! my head felt light and it put me to sleep.
To a point where i could no longer bear the pain, which the nurse told me was only 1/3 of what was to come, i requested for epidural. a large needle inserted into my spine. scary... but it was comforting to me. also helped that i had a very assuring anaesthetist. because there after,i had several bloody vagina checks to check on the dilation progress. couldn't imagine what the pain would be like...
11 hours... On the bed with no food or beverage! the only strength i could build was from sleep. but anyway i told andrew to let me sip some milo and have some fries while the nurse wasn't looking :D it was much needed!

Some light at the end of the tunnel came at about 4pm when the nurse said i could deliver at 5pm. hooray! an end to my agony. the nurse got me to push before the doctor arrived. baby was cooporative and we could already see the crown of her head at the vagina.

Finally, my doctor came! i pushed with all my might, grabbing my legs, imaging i had the worse constipation ever, and in 12 minutes, the baby slipped out! praise the good Lord! i had so many doubts and fears throughout the whole waiting game. the worse fear was about delivering a down syndrome kid! nevertheless, we prayed specifically in all areas for her to be healthly.

Here's God's masterpiece! her first moment of life. Glorious wail.

All cleaned up and sent to our room :)

And that marked the end of our 4 days 3 nights adventure at KKH! I loved the service and care i received. private single bedded option is the best way to go :)

Little babe settling at home!

Baby Ariel Ang Rui Ting, born 1st Feb 2013 @ 5.42pm