i came across this wise saying:
'Got to know your own identity. If not, you become who people define you to be...whether consciously or subconsciously.'
the other day, i was watching 'the nanny diaries', and the main character Annie went for a job interview after graduating from college. one employer asked her, 'who is Annie Braddock?'. she had trouble answering that question.
i find myself in that same dilemma. who am i? i'm a final-year-social-science-student-who-still-has-not-found-her-position-in-this-world. why am i still grappling with such an issue?
hmm...i find myself having some negative self talk of late. being very self conscious of what i'm doing and not loving myself.
this holiday will be my last freed up time where i can take life easy and avail myself freely. not that it really has been easy. i'm very tired. i found myself getting involved in a lot of things esp in my ministry, all the admin work for my zone...
anyway, i shall go ponder about my self identity and pray God to reveal my destiny.
talk about christmas. i've never served so much before! and thank God i managed to hit my targets, above too! thank God thank God.
i have a nice fish notebook as a christmas present and i shall fill it up with all my new year aspirations!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
this is pretty interesting
Get to know yourself better
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
my life thus far
feeling tired.
wanna sleep soon but waiting for someone.
anyway, i went for jamming with my service band just now.
great fun! love those upbeat christmas songs.
miss david and yong kwang.
oh sat was a big surprise for me.
10 mins before service started i was asked to play keyboard 2.
totally unprepared. but nevertheless it was a great experience.
shimin invited me to be her understudy at main cch svc.
can't believe it! i only started playing keyboard in jul this year.
really can't believe it.
i have eugene and xinwei to thank.
guess wad.
i'm the cheerleader ic for girls side this xmas for 3 days.
the last time i was cheerleader ic was children's day'06.
then, many teachers didn't know me and were quite surprised that i was informing them stuff.
it was a great privilege that i was chosen.
i am very thankful.
i wanna blog about all these milestones in life.
to remember His grace, to be glad in the Lord.
the giver of dreams, the writer of destiny.
hope all things go well.
and i never want a day without Him.
i never want to live my life not seizing any moment.
need strength and joy and a positive mind.
all things end well when i'm with Him.
this year ends well.
wanna sleep soon but waiting for someone.
anyway, i went for jamming with my service band just now.
great fun! love those upbeat christmas songs.
miss david and yong kwang.
oh sat was a big surprise for me.
10 mins before service started i was asked to play keyboard 2.
totally unprepared. but nevertheless it was a great experience.
shimin invited me to be her understudy at main cch svc.
can't believe it! i only started playing keyboard in jul this year.
really can't believe it.
i have eugene and xinwei to thank.
guess wad.
i'm the cheerleader ic for girls side this xmas for 3 days.
the last time i was cheerleader ic was children's day'06.
then, many teachers didn't know me and were quite surprised that i was informing them stuff.
it was a great privilege that i was chosen.
i am very thankful.
i wanna blog about all these milestones in life.
to remember His grace, to be glad in the Lord.
the giver of dreams, the writer of destiny.
hope all things go well.
and i never want a day without Him.
i never want to live my life not seizing any moment.
need strength and joy and a positive mind.
all things end well when i'm with Him.
this year ends well.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
| You Should Have a Green Christmas Tree |
 For you, the holidays represent tradition and memories. You tend to do things the same way each year. You find your holiday customs comforting. You enjoy all of the sights, sounds, tastes, and smells of Christmas. You can't imagine getting any joy from an artificial tree. Your green tree would look great with: Classic ornaments You should spend Christmas Eve watching: How the Grinch Stole Christmas What you should bake for Santa: A gingerbread house |
| You Are a Snowman |
 Friendly and fun, you enjoy bringing holiday cheer to everyone you know! |
| Your Holiday Personality is Social |
 For you, the holidays are all about spending time with people you love - and even those you kind of like. Host your own party - maybe even a few. Get people together for baking cookies, watching movies, and playing holiday charades. |
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
time flies! it's already december.
today is a nothing-much-to-do day for me. well i have time to think, plan, play. went out to the library and i was so delighted to find 'tuesdays with morrie'. heard all the ravings about this book and finally i get to read it.
life has been eventful for me. i've officially ended my final year term 1 last tuesday. andrew treated me to buffet at fullerton after my last paper. it costs $58 per person! well he had $100 voucher so it wasn't too bad. i didn't really like the spread of food...too westernized.
anyway, there was this incident that left us very disgrunted. the waitress sat us down and asked if we were having the buffet. then she proceeded by asking if we wanted juice. well we noticed there wasn't a drink counter so any normal person would think it's part of the buffet. so i ordered orange he ordered lime. he even asked for juice refill. alas, when the bill came, we realized we have just incurred 36-whooping-dollars for 3 glasses of juice!!! gosh, and i hadn't finised mine cos it was too pulppy. i had to gulp it down to make the heart-aching $12 orange juice worth my while. feel cheated sia!!!
as i said, life has been eventful.
last sunday i also played the keyboard for 2 concurrent jw services on sun. tiring but i had great fun! honestly i cannot thank God enough for this privilege to play. i'm definitely not really good. i hated piano when i was young. i crushed my music scores in frustration for attending lessons. but God has granted me a special place.
it was good. since starting in july this year, God has brought me far, and i'm really happy and thankful in my own way. my service's MD has left for army, and he asked me to rise up to the occasion by being the mother hen of the young band. xinwei has been very encouraging. during the cgm last week, glordia said, 'if you are playing for small service, why not think about doing more, playing for main svc.' shimin also asked me that. honestly that has never crossed my mind. there are still many many more mountains for me to conquer where i am.
yes i have tasted the anointing and oh how i long for so much more.
the special anointing is what i covet.
Then it happened, when the musician played, that the hand of the Lord came upon him.
2 Kings 3:15
life has really been eventful, and i'm happy!
today is a nothing-much-to-do day for me. well i have time to think, plan, play. went out to the library and i was so delighted to find 'tuesdays with morrie'. heard all the ravings about this book and finally i get to read it.
life has been eventful for me. i've officially ended my final year term 1 last tuesday. andrew treated me to buffet at fullerton after my last paper. it costs $58 per person! well he had $100 voucher so it wasn't too bad. i didn't really like the spread of food...too westernized.
anyway, there was this incident that left us very disgrunted. the waitress sat us down and asked if we were having the buffet. then she proceeded by asking if we wanted juice. well we noticed there wasn't a drink counter so any normal person would think it's part of the buffet. so i ordered orange he ordered lime. he even asked for juice refill. alas, when the bill came, we realized we have just incurred 36-whooping-dollars for 3 glasses of juice!!! gosh, and i hadn't finised mine cos it was too pulppy. i had to gulp it down to make the heart-aching $12 orange juice worth my while. feel cheated sia!!!
as i said, life has been eventful.
last sunday i also played the keyboard for 2 concurrent jw services on sun. tiring but i had great fun! honestly i cannot thank God enough for this privilege to play. i'm definitely not really good. i hated piano when i was young. i crushed my music scores in frustration for attending lessons. but God has granted me a special place.
it was good. since starting in july this year, God has brought me far, and i'm really happy and thankful in my own way. my service's MD has left for army, and he asked me to rise up to the occasion by being the mother hen of the young band. xinwei has been very encouraging. during the cgm last week, glordia said, 'if you are playing for small service, why not think about doing more, playing for main svc.' shimin also asked me that. honestly that has never crossed my mind. there are still many many more mountains for me to conquer where i am.
yes i have tasted the anointing and oh how i long for so much more.
the special anointing is what i covet.
Then it happened, when the musician played, that the hand of the Lord came upon him.
2 Kings 3:15
life has really been eventful, and i'm happy!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
some thoughts just came across my mind as i was studying.
i remember the early days when i was a young transport leader on n13.
the first time on the bus freaked me out. all i had was a printed transport form. no other expectation whatsoever.
i met bob together with another helper (i cant remember her name, but she's no longer around).
he said 'from now onwards you will be taking over the bus, so today i will do the bus with you and show you the route.'
i cant remember the route! there are so many pickup points! -anxiety creeps in- how to do the bus from now on....
the bus kids are so chaotic. they are hanging on the bars and crawling on the floor.
bob says 'as a transport leader you must control the kids'
i'm really freaked out. the bus is like a zoo. it's almost packed to the brim.
last pick up point.
bob says 'play some games with them. i gotta go for cell group now.'
he gets down.
we are left alone to face the maddening crowd. from ang mo kio to jw.
doesn't help that the driver is a mean man. (all n13 drivers are grumpy except for a nice man we had briefly for a few months).
subsequent weeks i'm doing it alone.
driver claims he knows the route better than me. i'm incompetent anyway, so follow his driving route lor.
it's too long a story, but from there i grew.
i was commited to this bus.
before transport, i'd go online to research games to play. it was a weekly affair which never ceased. i taught the bible lesson. even when there's no bible lesson i dig out old notes to teach. i bought snacks and sweets for the kids every sat.
one saturday morning, andrew (my then VL) called me. 'what are you doing now?' he asks. i was calling the perpetual latecomers on the bus to remind them. he was shocked. 'how come you never do this for my group huh?!? i will ask eugene to transfer you to w09.'
i thought of my commitment. now what do i do on the bus? i dont play games. the kids prefer to be in their own world. they sigh when i say lets do something. so how? engage them one by one. anyway i have so much journey time.
but then i feel jaded.
i MUST regain my commitment and enthusiasm.
they deserve my best because God deserves my best. i will not shortchange them.
i remember the early days when i was a young transport leader on n13.
the first time on the bus freaked me out. all i had was a printed transport form. no other expectation whatsoever.
i met bob together with another helper (i cant remember her name, but she's no longer around).
he said 'from now onwards you will be taking over the bus, so today i will do the bus with you and show you the route.'
i cant remember the route! there are so many pickup points! -anxiety creeps in- how to do the bus from now on....
the bus kids are so chaotic. they are hanging on the bars and crawling on the floor.
bob says 'as a transport leader you must control the kids'
i'm really freaked out. the bus is like a zoo. it's almost packed to the brim.
last pick up point.
bob says 'play some games with them. i gotta go for cell group now.'
he gets down.
we are left alone to face the maddening crowd. from ang mo kio to jw.
doesn't help that the driver is a mean man. (all n13 drivers are grumpy except for a nice man we had briefly for a few months).
subsequent weeks i'm doing it alone.
driver claims he knows the route better than me. i'm incompetent anyway, so follow his driving route lor.
it's too long a story, but from there i grew.
i was commited to this bus.
before transport, i'd go online to research games to play. it was a weekly affair which never ceased. i taught the bible lesson. even when there's no bible lesson i dig out old notes to teach. i bought snacks and sweets for the kids every sat.
one saturday morning, andrew (my then VL) called me. 'what are you doing now?' he asks. i was calling the perpetual latecomers on the bus to remind them. he was shocked. 'how come you never do this for my group huh?!? i will ask eugene to transfer you to w09.'
i thought of my commitment. now what do i do on the bus? i dont play games. the kids prefer to be in their own world. they sigh when i say lets do something. so how? engage them one by one. anyway i have so much journey time.
but then i feel jaded.
i MUST regain my commitment and enthusiasm.
they deserve my best because God deserves my best. i will not shortchange them.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
TIRED with a Capital T!
been helping out full days on Monday and Tuesday for the WIGU musical rehearsal, doing busing, and all types of random help over there.
last night i stayed at Victoria Theatre til almost 12am. it's tiring but it's fun! never done such a thing before, so it's a good exposure for me. rushing the kids for their scenes, watch them drill, and standing at the backstage observing it all.
i must really take my hat off to anson and his backstage men. honestly it's amazing how anson can visualize how the stage should look like, determine all the props needed, coordinate his men to come out at various scenes. its just so mind boggling to me. the backstage crew are the first to reach and last to leave.
wow... and i heard 2 of them are in university having exams next week. amazing! how God is using them. and all the staff must have worked so hard too. in cch, there are indeed many busy seasons. but each season is a time of learning and molding.
thank God for giving me a part to play in this whole thing.
shall not continue saying much. gotta hit the books!
last night i stayed at Victoria Theatre til almost 12am. it's tiring but it's fun! never done such a thing before, so it's a good exposure for me. rushing the kids for their scenes, watch them drill, and standing at the backstage observing it all.
i must really take my hat off to anson and his backstage men. honestly it's amazing how anson can visualize how the stage should look like, determine all the props needed, coordinate his men to come out at various scenes. its just so mind boggling to me. the backstage crew are the first to reach and last to leave.
wow... and i heard 2 of them are in university having exams next week. amazing! how God is using them. and all the staff must have worked so hard too. in cch, there are indeed many busy seasons. but each season is a time of learning and molding.
thank God for giving me a part to play in this whole thing.
shall not continue saying much. gotta hit the books!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
when i grow up
just got home from doing transport for the musical that cch is putting up.
decided that i should volunteer my services now before things get busy next week when my exams are approaching. at least i can be glad that i contributed in some way to the production :)
went for dinner with Paul and Jan... she was asking about my sister. and my oh my we realised how time indeed flies.
after that i went to sit alone by the riveria to get some quiet and reading done. ha...i had my plans to study but God decided He wanted to visit me! and boy was i humbled. the atmosphere was so calm and peaceful. i felt very touched and teared for no apparent reason. i looked at the riveria and was reminded of the times after jw service where i sat along the water edge fellowshiping with huifang and my ex cg members. God reminded me of the good times i had when I was growing in Him. i reminisced the seasons where God was always faithful to me. He promised not to let me go or forsake me even through times when i'm faithless. i sat there worshipping God silently. God is so so good. just one touch from heaven is all i need. a day in His courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. my soul lived again.
just wanna share something that really lifted my spirit. i was quite concerned about this celebrity couple and the problems they are having in their relationships... all the unfaithfulness and darkness and stuff. don't ask me why, it somehow just bothered me for a few days. so i decided to put an end to this obsession i had, reading all the depressing articles about their lives.
i prayed for them. yes, i asked God to give them peace, love and joy. i also asked God to anoint Sun in her ministry to the entertainment industry. surprisingly, i read Life! the next day and this celebrity couple seemed to have reconciled their differences, the guy was shown to be supportive and loving, and they were even considering marriage. honestly i wanted to jump. i felt so happy! i'm not saying that my prayer changed the world, but perhaps it did play a teeny weeny part. i'm so glad! i'm so glad that my God loves the world and He doesn't want to see them fall into despair. i'm so so glad that my God is a light in darkness, He gives hope and joy forevermore!
anyway i'm not going to name the celebrity couple here cos it's just my own muse.
alright, have a good night readers!
and i can't smile without You :)
decided that i should volunteer my services now before things get busy next week when my exams are approaching. at least i can be glad that i contributed in some way to the production :)
went for dinner with Paul and Jan... she was asking about my sister. and my oh my we realised how time indeed flies.
after that i went to sit alone by the riveria to get some quiet and reading done. ha...i had my plans to study but God decided He wanted to visit me! and boy was i humbled. the atmosphere was so calm and peaceful. i felt very touched and teared for no apparent reason. i looked at the riveria and was reminded of the times after jw service where i sat along the water edge fellowshiping with huifang and my ex cg members. God reminded me of the good times i had when I was growing in Him. i reminisced the seasons where God was always faithful to me. He promised not to let me go or forsake me even through times when i'm faithless. i sat there worshipping God silently. God is so so good. just one touch from heaven is all i need. a day in His courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. my soul lived again.
just wanna share something that really lifted my spirit. i was quite concerned about this celebrity couple and the problems they are having in their relationships... all the unfaithfulness and darkness and stuff. don't ask me why, it somehow just bothered me for a few days. so i decided to put an end to this obsession i had, reading all the depressing articles about their lives.
i prayed for them. yes, i asked God to give them peace, love and joy. i also asked God to anoint Sun in her ministry to the entertainment industry. surprisingly, i read Life! the next day and this celebrity couple seemed to have reconciled their differences, the guy was shown to be supportive and loving, and they were even considering marriage. honestly i wanted to jump. i felt so happy! i'm not saying that my prayer changed the world, but perhaps it did play a teeny weeny part. i'm so glad! i'm so glad that my God loves the world and He doesn't want to see them fall into despair. i'm so so glad that my God is a light in darkness, He gives hope and joy forevermore!
anyway i'm not going to name the celebrity couple here cos it's just my own muse.
alright, have a good night readers!
and i can't smile without You :)
Monday, November 12, 2007
So i've caught the FULL version of Lust, Caution. the sex scenes were very graphic. and yes there were female and male genitalia. i almost gawked at tony leung's 'organs'. i'm particularly impressed that the both actors were able to execute such convincing performances. tang wei is excellent, considering she's new... over all, the movie was beautiful though a bit slow paced and at times boring. but there was this disturbing vibe in me when i left the cinema. felt that i had crossed a boundary that was very uncomfortable entering.
anyhow, worth the wait for the full version :) very art-housey.
anyway i'm about 2 weeks or less away from my exams. time FLIES! soon, christmas will be coming, soon, 2007 will end.
hmm nothing much to say for now. kind of lazy to blog. another time...
anyhow, worth the wait for the full version :) very art-housey.
anyway i'm about 2 weeks or less away from my exams. time FLIES! soon, christmas will be coming, soon, 2007 will end.
hmm nothing much to say for now. kind of lazy to blog. another time...
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
i'm home battling a flu and fever. suppose to be out visiting... but coincidentally, my helper has a test so we can reshuffle our visitation day. thank God for rest.
i think the mad rush of term paper submissions have taken a toll on my health --- all my brain energy and sleep deprivity (ideas even haunt me as i lie in bed).
now i'm finishing up a reflection paper. left with one major programming project, stacks of reading awaiting my highlights, and then it's the final lap to examinations.
whoo. what a year.
after this, i probably want to check into a hotel with a nice big bed, silky sheets, soft pillows, and have the rest of my life. and of course a good spread of breakfast beckoning me when i awake.
i can hear a bunch of kids chanting for trick or treat downstairs! it dawned on me that it's halloween. and my estate is an expat hotspot. so there goes. hope they dont come to my home cos i have nothing for them! TRICKED YA kiddos! haha...
back to mulling.
i think the mad rush of term paper submissions have taken a toll on my health --- all my brain energy and sleep deprivity (ideas even haunt me as i lie in bed).
now i'm finishing up a reflection paper. left with one major programming project, stacks of reading awaiting my highlights, and then it's the final lap to examinations.
whoo. what a year.
after this, i probably want to check into a hotel with a nice big bed, silky sheets, soft pillows, and have the rest of my life. and of course a good spread of breakfast beckoning me when i awake.
i can hear a bunch of kids chanting for trick or treat downstairs! it dawned on me that it's halloween. and my estate is an expat hotspot. so there goes. hope they dont come to my home cos i have nothing for them! TRICKED YA kiddos! haha...
back to mulling.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
my home's internet is down... and i'm at the swimming pool tapping into unsecured network. its so limiting without internet, especially if i've got so many term papers to write.
managed to finish those that are due this week. another 2 to go, and one major programming project, then exams... and the year closes.
how fast. honestly i didn't realise that the end of the year is approaching until i'm faced with a consistent need to bring a brolly when i go out.
i'm stepping into a new season. feel excited in my spirit.
last night i met paul for dinner. i realised he is really like a spiritual father (even a real father). well people commented that he treats me like his own daughter, and i'm very privileged to be in this position. i told him, not that i'm a man-pleaser, but i really value his opinions and i hope not to disappoint him in the things i do. he has really given his members the free rein to manage their groups, and we must not take this liberty for granted. we talked about when people are not monitored, they tend to do things underground. and i was really reminded that i must be watchful and on guard at all times.
i wanna be a good girl. i wanna be approved by Him.
back to my term papers.
managed to finish those that are due this week. another 2 to go, and one major programming project, then exams... and the year closes.
how fast. honestly i didn't realise that the end of the year is approaching until i'm faced with a consistent need to bring a brolly when i go out.
i'm stepping into a new season. feel excited in my spirit.
last night i met paul for dinner. i realised he is really like a spiritual father (even a real father). well people commented that he treats me like his own daughter, and i'm very privileged to be in this position. i told him, not that i'm a man-pleaser, but i really value his opinions and i hope not to disappoint him in the things i do. he has really given his members the free rein to manage their groups, and we must not take this liberty for granted. we talked about when people are not monitored, they tend to do things underground. and i was really reminded that i must be watchful and on guard at all times.
i wanna be a good girl. i wanna be approved by Him.
back to my term papers.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
swarmed with work
just wanna make mention of my deadlines to remind myself...
next week i have:
medical swk paper (done)
health sociology paper (half done)
counseling 3000-word paper (not done at all)
God help me!
following week i have:
socio-cultural 15 pages (not done at all)
medical swk reflections (not done at all)
really need divine assistance...
anyway, was discussing with some friends about job prospects after graduation. realised quite a number of my swk classmates wont be going into the field. for myself, i'm still unsure. i enjoy this profession, but the nature of it requires you to give a lot, sometimes reciprocation might not be met substantially. and i'm still wondering if i can handle that. been praying about my future...
anyhows, we did a quick search on some jobs in the airline industry. what i found was silk air's administrative officer opening requires one to have a good Honours general degree! honestly, how much better can an Honours do when it comes to admin. experience is definitely more important man. i found it totally ridiculous. now everyone wants Honours grad. does it mean i should do? my no is quite certain.
paul drove me home from school yesterday. he was telling me about a member who went to sign up for SIA together with his wife. they are both undergoing training as cabin crew, and SIA actually allows couples to fly together! what an interesting move... and the best is, when you reach the destination, SIA gives you traveling allowance to enjoy the country. WOW... it's like a never ending honeymoon. How cool how cool! but really, i only have one life, i only have one prime, i should do something radical and not always be so afraid of stepping out.
next week i have:
medical swk paper (done)
health sociology paper (half done)
counseling 3000-word paper (not done at all)
God help me!
following week i have:
socio-cultural 15 pages (not done at all)
medical swk reflections (not done at all)
really need divine assistance...
anyway, was discussing with some friends about job prospects after graduation. realised quite a number of my swk classmates wont be going into the field. for myself, i'm still unsure. i enjoy this profession, but the nature of it requires you to give a lot, sometimes reciprocation might not be met substantially. and i'm still wondering if i can handle that. been praying about my future...
anyhows, we did a quick search on some jobs in the airline industry. what i found was silk air's administrative officer opening requires one to have a good Honours general degree! honestly, how much better can an Honours do when it comes to admin. experience is definitely more important man. i found it totally ridiculous. now everyone wants Honours grad. does it mean i should do? my no is quite certain.
paul drove me home from school yesterday. he was telling me about a member who went to sign up for SIA together with his wife. they are both undergoing training as cabin crew, and SIA actually allows couples to fly together! what an interesting move... and the best is, when you reach the destination, SIA gives you traveling allowance to enjoy the country. WOW... it's like a never ending honeymoon. How cool how cool! but really, i only have one life, i only have one prime, i should do something radical and not always be so afraid of stepping out.
Friday, October 05, 2007
Lust, caution
Found myself getting consumed by the media frenzy on this new movie 'Lust, Caution'. well it's actually surrounding the bold sexual portrayals and the cuts made by singapore's media authority. sets me thinking again... i'll be quite interested to see the explicit side of the show. not that i'm pervert. but it really intrigues me how 2 actors can be so brave to bare their buck nakedness in front of each other for hours! it really bothered me. and u know, the newspapers and magazines describe so vividly how the scenes were enacted, so one can form the graphical image yourself. FULL FRONTAL WITH PUBIC HAIR! that's what one article wrote... it bothers me. it wont bother me so much if its just another western flick. but the fact that it's a Chinese show, MAINLAND CHINESE lead actress somemore!!!! where's the innocence??
ok, not that i'm a conservative freak. but through these, i thought about sex. i thought about the sex that God created. i thought about the intimate moments which are very private to be discovered only by husband and wife. i thought about the media and all its portrayals of sex. i thought about whether sex will still be a treasure to discover or will the thrill only be derived when you do it the media way. i thought about people getting bored in the bedroom because things are not as titillating as in the cinemas. i thought about sex losing its innocence and virtue. i thought about everyone knowing the way sex is before its purity and pleasure is actually discovered. how sad.
i just wanna end off saying.....
IT BOTHERS ME!!!!!!!!!! IT REALLY BOTHERS ME!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
just wanna blog about a random thought before knocking off from work.
womanhood is BEAUTIFULLLLL!!
i wanna celebrate my life as a woman.
i wanna appreciate my ability to carry and sustain life.
i wanna celebrate my body that God has created.
i'm His precious child made in His image!
I AM A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN! =)
now i'm sounding old...
womanhood is BEAUTIFULLLLL!!
i wanna celebrate my life as a woman.
i wanna appreciate my ability to carry and sustain life.
i wanna celebrate my body that God has created.
i'm His precious child made in His image!
I AM A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN! =)
now i'm sounding old...
'hello world!'
Haha, the above tag is one of the message box windows we learnt how to make in my programming class. i spent the whole afternoon attempting the test at liangyi's place. what a brain drainer.
it's my mid term break this week. not much of a break though. i'm back working at my mother's investment company for 3 days this week. had a very enjoyable hospital visit at KK on tuesday. heard some morbid stories from the social workers there. let me share one.
a social worker was talking about her case with a 16 year old girl who was 6 months pregnant with a baby. her boyfriend was 16 too. abortion was greatly desired by the couple, but it is illegal to abort a child 6 months and above. so the teenage boyfriend suggested bringing her to malaysia to abort the baby underground, or they could elope and raise their family there. the social worker helped them realise that their thoughts were not very realistic, so to resolve the issue would be to inform both parties' families. and so, this young couple left. a few hours later, the 16 year old mother was sent back to the hospital's ICU. upon rushing to the scene, the social worker discovered, to her horror, that the boyfriend had kicked his girlfriend's womb several times (until she fainted), so that the baby will die and drop out. how morbid! but sometimes truth is indeed stranger than fiction.
here's more on abortion. the social worker was sharing that if a baby is 21 weeks and below, abortion takes place by crushing fetus and subsequently a tube is inserted to suck it out. alright, what about if the fetus is older? the mother would be given pills to take to induce contractions. so the mother will go through labor just like any normal delivery. when the baby is delivered, it would start crying just like any normal babies. though they are only 4-6 months, they are already very formed and alive. the nurses will just leave the baby there to cry and die. and that's how abortion takes place. it's so sad!
i went to the delivery ward to look at the babies and they look so adorable and peaceful. really cant imagine how people can have the heart to abort their babies. it really must be heart wrenching.
gotta go back to work. update soon.
Haha, the above tag is one of the message box windows we learnt how to make in my programming class. i spent the whole afternoon attempting the test at liangyi's place. what a brain drainer.
it's my mid term break this week. not much of a break though. i'm back working at my mother's investment company for 3 days this week. had a very enjoyable hospital visit at KK on tuesday. heard some morbid stories from the social workers there. let me share one.
a social worker was talking about her case with a 16 year old girl who was 6 months pregnant with a baby. her boyfriend was 16 too. abortion was greatly desired by the couple, but it is illegal to abort a child 6 months and above. so the teenage boyfriend suggested bringing her to malaysia to abort the baby underground, or they could elope and raise their family there. the social worker helped them realise that their thoughts were not very realistic, so to resolve the issue would be to inform both parties' families. and so, this young couple left. a few hours later, the 16 year old mother was sent back to the hospital's ICU. upon rushing to the scene, the social worker discovered, to her horror, that the boyfriend had kicked his girlfriend's womb several times (until she fainted), so that the baby will die and drop out. how morbid! but sometimes truth is indeed stranger than fiction.
here's more on abortion. the social worker was sharing that if a baby is 21 weeks and below, abortion takes place by crushing fetus and subsequently a tube is inserted to suck it out. alright, what about if the fetus is older? the mother would be given pills to take to induce contractions. so the mother will go through labor just like any normal delivery. when the baby is delivered, it would start crying just like any normal babies. though they are only 4-6 months, they are already very formed and alive. the nurses will just leave the baby there to cry and die. and that's how abortion takes place. it's so sad!
i went to the delivery ward to look at the babies and they look so adorable and peaceful. really cant imagine how people can have the heart to abort their babies. it really must be heart wrenching.
gotta go back to work. update soon.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
waiting pays off..
the above statement is refering to my loyalty to Hotmail. haha.. i love the new upgraded features of hotmail. it's as good as yahoo or gmail. to think i've stuck with hotmail for the last 10 years! yes! since i was in primary 5, where the free web email services were hotmail and rocketmail.
anyway a random thought of the day would be that macdonalds breakfast completes me. i think i've gone berserk this semester. my fridays are a 8-hour stretch of lessons, without break, and with one lesson traveling to the school of computing. in NUS, moving from one classroom to another can involve a 20 min journey, fighting to get onto buses, walking up 8 floors when the lift breaks down, arriving in class 15 mins late with a pale panting composure.....
i feel 'unsatisfactory'. started this semester jobless. i've given up my tuition assignment since embarking on attachment, and have no intention of continuing cos i'm no longer visiting that area. i need some work to help me feel like i'm not sucking on my parents' resources. i'm 21! i need to support myself partially, at least.
so i'm contemplating, tuition...?? or go take insurance exams so that i can join my mum's industry? NAH.. just a passing thought. haha... bake goods and sell from home? NO.. i'm much too impatient waiting for a cake. neither do i have talents in the kitchen. but i must say, this jobless streak has made me a good girl who finishes all her readings on time each week. haha. BUT! my father always assures me by saying, 'Aiya dont need to work la, just concentrate on studies'. that statement, though out of pure concern, imposes an invisible pressure on me to perform very well in school because of the monetary investments my parents made in my studies, and i dont desire myself thinking in such a way.
at the end of the day, i just wanna say, i wanna spend my free time doing some financially meaningful endeavour.
the above statement is refering to my loyalty to Hotmail. haha.. i love the new upgraded features of hotmail. it's as good as yahoo or gmail. to think i've stuck with hotmail for the last 10 years! yes! since i was in primary 5, where the free web email services were hotmail and rocketmail.
anyway a random thought of the day would be that macdonalds breakfast completes me. i think i've gone berserk this semester. my fridays are a 8-hour stretch of lessons, without break, and with one lesson traveling to the school of computing. in NUS, moving from one classroom to another can involve a 20 min journey, fighting to get onto buses, walking up 8 floors when the lift breaks down, arriving in class 15 mins late with a pale panting composure.....
i feel 'unsatisfactory'. started this semester jobless. i've given up my tuition assignment since embarking on attachment, and have no intention of continuing cos i'm no longer visiting that area. i need some work to help me feel like i'm not sucking on my parents' resources. i'm 21! i need to support myself partially, at least.
so i'm contemplating, tuition...?? or go take insurance exams so that i can join my mum's industry? NAH.. just a passing thought. haha... bake goods and sell from home? NO.. i'm much too impatient waiting for a cake. neither do i have talents in the kitchen. but i must say, this jobless streak has made me a good girl who finishes all her readings on time each week. haha. BUT! my father always assures me by saying, 'Aiya dont need to work la, just concentrate on studies'. that statement, though out of pure concern, imposes an invisible pressure on me to perform very well in school because of the monetary investments my parents made in my studies, and i dont desire myself thinking in such a way.
at the end of the day, i just wanna say, i wanna spend my free time doing some financially meaningful endeavour.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
i have a great friend, her name is Delvina.
there are certain sore parts in me which i'm afraid to expose, fearing the pain of rememberance.
with delvina, i can be totally transparent.
i can have the assurance that i'd not be judged and be loved.
she sees through me and tells from my face what's in my heart.
that's my true and most wonderful friend.
God gave Joseph his Manasseh.
God, give me my Manasseh. let me forget, let me heal, let it not hurt any longer.
i trust You.
there are certain sore parts in me which i'm afraid to expose, fearing the pain of rememberance.
with delvina, i can be totally transparent.
i can have the assurance that i'd not be judged and be loved.
she sees through me and tells from my face what's in my heart.
that's my true and most wonderful friend.
God gave Joseph his Manasseh.
God, give me my Manasseh. let me forget, let me heal, let it not hurt any longer.
i trust You.
Friday, August 24, 2007
it's the 2nd week of school...
so far lessons have been good, not REAlLY interesting-intriguing-fascinating-good but fair. perhaps the only thing that WOWed me was my programming module.. like OOHing and AAHing when the lecturer taught us to perform certain commands in microsoft excel which one previously wasted tremendous manual effort to get done. honestly i benefited much knowledge about excel through helping michael choy do his statistics.
talk about my life. what fills my days? school, almost-sole-companion in school aka LLY (haha.. talk about this ambiguous part another time), reading, visitations, emails, callings, and recently i have been indulging in lunch set meals at various restaurants because my lessons allow me to have such luxury. but i'm getting bored of food, that's why i decided to go on a vege diet for a few months so as to appreciate the goodness of food once again.
today i had the company of Lawrie the clown for visitation. he wasn't in his pseudo-Lawrie identity. anyhow he drove us and i am amazed i cut down almost half the time taken! hooray.. so we went for dinner and i was interrogating his love life, or rather lack of it. haha.. and we went on to the topic of people who leave people hanging.. that is, a girl/boy not making clear if the other party stands a chance. and he felt that it was actually a bondage placed on the one waiting. alright there's some truth in there.
ok i'm going to get some newsweek magazines from shuling. recently i'm so thirsty to read. gimme more gimme more!
so far lessons have been good, not REAlLY interesting-intriguing-fascinating-good but fair. perhaps the only thing that WOWed me was my programming module.. like OOHing and AAHing when the lecturer taught us to perform certain commands in microsoft excel which one previously wasted tremendous manual effort to get done. honestly i benefited much knowledge about excel through helping michael choy do his statistics.
talk about my life. what fills my days? school, almost-sole-companion in school aka LLY (haha.. talk about this ambiguous part another time), reading, visitations, emails, callings, and recently i have been indulging in lunch set meals at various restaurants because my lessons allow me to have such luxury. but i'm getting bored of food, that's why i decided to go on a vege diet for a few months so as to appreciate the goodness of food once again.
today i had the company of Lawrie the clown for visitation. he wasn't in his pseudo-Lawrie identity. anyhow he drove us and i am amazed i cut down almost half the time taken! hooray.. so we went for dinner and i was interrogating his love life, or rather lack of it. haha.. and we went on to the topic of people who leave people hanging.. that is, a girl/boy not making clear if the other party stands a chance. and he felt that it was actually a bondage placed on the one waiting. alright there's some truth in there.
ok i'm going to get some newsweek magazines from shuling. recently i'm so thirsty to read. gimme more gimme more!
Monday, August 13, 2007
thankful
i'm really thankful to God for opportunities...
when He chooses to use me, i'm humbled by the fact that He called me out of so many.
thank You for Your grace and mercies.
Your grace is all sufficient for me.
Your mercies are new every morning.
thank You for remembering me.
give me the strength to keep spiritual discipline.
give me the courage to stand up for what You desire.
give me the confidence that You are always with me.
Pleasing You is the goal of my life.
You are all I need.
I spend eternity with You.
My soul delights in You..
when He chooses to use me, i'm humbled by the fact that He called me out of so many.
thank You for Your grace and mercies.
Your grace is all sufficient for me.
Your mercies are new every morning.
thank You for remembering me.
give me the strength to keep spiritual discipline.
give me the courage to stand up for what You desire.
give me the confidence that You are always with me.
Pleasing You is the goal of my life.
You are all I need.
I spend eternity with You.
My soul delights in You..
Thursday, August 09, 2007
moving on to my final year
can't believe how fast time flies! this year i was briefly involved in an orientation program, and it brought back memories of my freshmen days. young and vibrant, ready to take on challenges of the academia..
i've got two semesters to go, and i'm gonna make the best of it! i must mention a silly thing i did.. i forgot to bid for a module in an earlier round.. genuine forgetfulness. it's a planned module to take with my friends. so they were asking if we got the module and i realised i forgot to bid! oh man.. so now i'm taking a leftover sociology module ALONE, as of now. but i believe things will turn around for good.
oh and i want to do IT1801 -- programming for business. lets pray i get it cos i can only bid for it in round 3.
that's about all. i'm lazy to blog. i wanna think about relaxing at a little cozy bistro beside green and water, with a nice warm mug of cappuccino, a good read and a good company.......
i've got two semesters to go, and i'm gonna make the best of it! i must mention a silly thing i did.. i forgot to bid for a module in an earlier round.. genuine forgetfulness. it's a planned module to take with my friends. so they were asking if we got the module and i realised i forgot to bid! oh man.. so now i'm taking a leftover sociology module ALONE, as of now. but i believe things will turn around for good.
oh and i want to do IT1801 -- programming for business. lets pray i get it cos i can only bid for it in round 3.
that's about all. i'm lazy to blog. i wanna think about relaxing at a little cozy bistro beside green and water, with a nice warm mug of cappuccino, a good read and a good company.......
Monday, July 30, 2007
| You are a Career Girl! |
 You may not be a CEO yet, but you're well on your way to success. You take your career seriously, and you wouldn't stop working for any guy! An independent woman, you pay for your own car, clothes, and housing. And men appreciate that - at least, the ones as driven as you are. |
this is true to some extent. yes i believe in women having their own vocations and lives. i cannot imagine a life without work and staying home to do domestic work. i will go crazy! no social life and an idle mind. but i will not give up my soul in the pursuit of career. so it's all about balance.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
"But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him."
Lord, I want to have the faith that pleases You. I need your approval and blessings in all i do. Give me the bold and confident faith that will gain Your favour. I commit my all into Your hands, agenda and goals don't matter. all that I have gained is counted worthless. I come before You bare and myself, take me for who I am. take this imperfect heart and let it beat against Yours. i am nothing and You are my everything. You have redeemed my life, called me Yours and given me a destiny. let me lead a life worthy of Your sacrifice and restoration. i will not waver for i am a precious child of God. You will never leave me nor forsake me.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
last day of attachment
ended my final day with a sumptuous buffet at mariot hotel. good spread of quality food. i enjoyed it with my colleagues. i have to write about my experience these 3 months, but probably not now.. I AM SO TIRED!
well i dont really have any photos to show of the lunch. honestly, i'm not a very uploading-photos-into-blog kind of person. cos uploading takes too long! and it's prone to those error pages which greatly frustrate me. yes, i'm aware of better blogging tools like multiply... make photo sharing easy but i cant bear to leave this blog site.
but i know i have an obligation to fulfill, and that is to upload my 21st birthday's photos. i have just downloaded an upload tool, and it's slowing running so please bear with me if i can't post up the online link at the end of this post. logged into my cobwebby yahoo photos and realised the site is closing down in Sep 07! transferred all my old photos to flickr.
i need my solitude. after a hectic season, i need to pace myself and slow down. i need to find myself again. i need to come alone with Him to a quiet place. i dont wish to embark on new things after this season without drawing strength and encouragement from Him.
ok here's the link to my photos:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tanhweeling/sets/72157600923896570/
well i dont really have any photos to show of the lunch. honestly, i'm not a very uploading-photos-into-blog kind of person. cos uploading takes too long! and it's prone to those error pages which greatly frustrate me. yes, i'm aware of better blogging tools like multiply... make photo sharing easy but i cant bear to leave this blog site.
but i know i have an obligation to fulfill, and that is to upload my 21st birthday's photos. i have just downloaded an upload tool, and it's slowing running so please bear with me if i can't post up the online link at the end of this post. logged into my cobwebby yahoo photos and realised the site is closing down in Sep 07! transferred all my old photos to flickr.
i need my solitude. after a hectic season, i need to pace myself and slow down. i need to find myself again. i need to come alone with Him to a quiet place. i dont wish to embark on new things after this season without drawing strength and encouragement from Him.
ok here's the link to my photos:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tanhweeling/sets/72157600923896570/
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
show me the meaning of being lonely...
well i was alone, but i'm not always lonely when i'm alone. in fact, i appreciate solitude.
working late tonight, and i felt i could do with some company.
nobody's left in office now. except for a few on the pastoral side giving bible study.
and i felt lonely.
went for dinner alone, and i felt lonely.
saw the numerous people sitting at tables alone eating their sad dinner and i felt lonely.
wanted to ask a friend to come along for dinner with me, but didn't want him to feel that i'm 'hitting' on him. after all, he is popular and attractive to many.
but now the feeling of loneliness is gone.
cos a new feeling's here... sleepiness...
working late tonight, and i felt i could do with some company.
nobody's left in office now. except for a few on the pastoral side giving bible study.
and i felt lonely.
went for dinner alone, and i felt lonely.
saw the numerous people sitting at tables alone eating their sad dinner and i felt lonely.
wanted to ask a friend to come along for dinner with me, but didn't want him to feel that i'm 'hitting' on him. after all, he is popular and attractive to many.
but now the feeling of loneliness is gone.
cos a new feeling's here... sleepiness...
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
woo hoo..
I'm an OFFICIAL ADULT! hehe..
of late, i have been helping some clients to print out their CPF statements. also logged into mine and realise i can't buy gold cos i'm not 21 yet. but today i logged in and i can buy gold!
i can also watch R21 shows. -winks-
ok, better stop my nonsense.
had a great birthday celebration. kicked off with dinner at chijmes with nus peeps on sat night. then it was a gathering at my place on sun night for family, a few family friends (invited by my parents) and church friends. i wanna thank those who came and made it memorable. special thanks to eugene for helping me plan such creative games.. and andrew for helping my sister with her game.
had great fun and great laughs! not forgetting the presents, love and friendships.
haven't loaded the photos into my lap top yet. will do so when i'm more settled.
THANKS GUEN! for sending me a gift from down under. i'm so touched by the effort you made.
now there is something that puzzles me. the queue outside donut factory. it never ceases, it never shortens. wonder where all these people come from and WHY do they queue 1 hour just to get donuts?! a new stall opened under my office. and i have difficulty manuvering through the queue to get to the other side. maybe i should go queue and see for myself.. but honestly it seems to be another gimmick. previously i heard of the botak jones hype, and went to wait 45mins for a plate of fish and chips. on normal circumstances i'll be grumbling away. but alas, it wasn't as fantastic as i expected it to be.
ok since i'm on that topic.. on chinese new year day 3 i went to eat at greenwood seafood and goodness gracious i waited 1 hour for a $98 appetizer! but the company was good so time didn't seem long. singaporeans love to queue so businesses should tap on that. let me ponder on what i can sell that makes the crowd queue.
i'm so wanting to try the new restaurant - Indulgz...
I'm an OFFICIAL ADULT! hehe..
of late, i have been helping some clients to print out their CPF statements. also logged into mine and realise i can't buy gold cos i'm not 21 yet. but today i logged in and i can buy gold!
i can also watch R21 shows. -winks-
ok, better stop my nonsense.
had a great birthday celebration. kicked off with dinner at chijmes with nus peeps on sat night. then it was a gathering at my place on sun night for family, a few family friends (invited by my parents) and church friends. i wanna thank those who came and made it memorable. special thanks to eugene for helping me plan such creative games.. and andrew for helping my sister with her game.
had great fun and great laughs! not forgetting the presents, love and friendships.
haven't loaded the photos into my lap top yet. will do so when i'm more settled.
THANKS GUEN! for sending me a gift from down under. i'm so touched by the effort you made.
now there is something that puzzles me. the queue outside donut factory. it never ceases, it never shortens. wonder where all these people come from and WHY do they queue 1 hour just to get donuts?! a new stall opened under my office. and i have difficulty manuvering through the queue to get to the other side. maybe i should go queue and see for myself.. but honestly it seems to be another gimmick. previously i heard of the botak jones hype, and went to wait 45mins for a plate of fish and chips. on normal circumstances i'll be grumbling away. but alas, it wasn't as fantastic as i expected it to be.
ok since i'm on that topic.. on chinese new year day 3 i went to eat at greenwood seafood and goodness gracious i waited 1 hour for a $98 appetizer! but the company was good so time didn't seem long. singaporeans love to queue so businesses should tap on that. let me ponder on what i can sell that makes the crowd queue.
i'm so wanting to try the new restaurant - Indulgz...
Friday, July 06, 2007
early birthday surprise!
darryl and vic surprised me with royce and a black vest for my birthday.. and of cos a hush hush birthday song at my desk. so touched..
i'm turning 21 in 1 day! actually it's 7 july now and the time reads 1:13am.
pretty tired.. i was quite firm on not having a celebration because of all the hassle. but i miss my friends! so it'll be a good opportunity to meet up.
i need to sharpen my axe and get my cutting edge back!
well life in the past 2 months has been really eventful. i'm seen so much. so much. so much. that's the privilege of working in the human service. you get to see what people dont see on the surface. like..'oh that person looks so normal that but i never knew he/she had such an issue...'
well anyway, i need rest and more time to find myself... to find my place... to come alone with Him...
this morning i went to kumar's class for a make up field seminar.. and wow.. i was blown away by his session! he's so knowledgable.. so frank.. so interesting.. and he can actually use a theory to back up why he asked a little anti-social girl to give a goodie bag to an MP.
anyway i love taking bus 30 to school. it's because the bus passes by the sea. i love looking at water and trees. it's like soul food. so calming, so peaceful.. and i told Him that i felt like my soul is dead.. because it has been a long time since He met me.. and boy do i miss Him.
boy do i miss You. You are the reason for all that i do.
sometimes, the nature of the work i do requires me to take control. of late, i felt that i've developed this 'controling' behavior. want to take charge of everything.. make sure i'm informed of everything. argh! and i really hate it. control drives away the element of trust and faith. and i cannot depend on Him with such attitude. go away from me controlling spirit!!
i'm turning 21 in 1 day! actually it's 7 july now and the time reads 1:13am.
pretty tired.. i was quite firm on not having a celebration because of all the hassle. but i miss my friends! so it'll be a good opportunity to meet up.
i need to sharpen my axe and get my cutting edge back!
well life in the past 2 months has been really eventful. i'm seen so much. so much. so much. that's the privilege of working in the human service. you get to see what people dont see on the surface. like..'oh that person looks so normal that but i never knew he/she had such an issue...'
well anyway, i need rest and more time to find myself... to find my place... to come alone with Him...
this morning i went to kumar's class for a make up field seminar.. and wow.. i was blown away by his session! he's so knowledgable.. so frank.. so interesting.. and he can actually use a theory to back up why he asked a little anti-social girl to give a goodie bag to an MP.
anyway i love taking bus 30 to school. it's because the bus passes by the sea. i love looking at water and trees. it's like soul food. so calming, so peaceful.. and i told Him that i felt like my soul is dead.. because it has been a long time since He met me.. and boy do i miss Him.
boy do i miss You. You are the reason for all that i do.
sometimes, the nature of the work i do requires me to take control. of late, i felt that i've developed this 'controling' behavior. want to take charge of everything.. make sure i'm informed of everything. argh! and i really hate it. control drives away the element of trust and faith. and i cannot depend on Him with such attitude. go away from me controlling spirit!!
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
back from hiatus
have not be faithfully blogging. but, despite the many things i have to do, i shall take some time to update about my life.
it has been EVENTFUL.
well i feel i've went through a lot for the past few weeks. it has been a rollarcoaster ride. and a really FAST rollarcoaster ride.
one thing i concluded from the whole experience is that guys really do take a longer time to mature.
it not only occurs in one. i happen to know something about a not very sensible thing that my colleague did, and he's now being lectured by women in authority.
sometimes, in the midst of animosity, you can find something beautiful.
i understand the meaning of agape love. imperfect people loving with a perfect love.
my eyes have been opened. many things i see at work has made me appreciate how fortunate i am.
i long to feel water flowing down my head, the wood beneath my feet and hear the steady humming of the crickets.
it has been EVENTFUL.
well i feel i've went through a lot for the past few weeks. it has been a rollarcoaster ride. and a really FAST rollarcoaster ride.
one thing i concluded from the whole experience is that guys really do take a longer time to mature.
it not only occurs in one. i happen to know something about a not very sensible thing that my colleague did, and he's now being lectured by women in authority.
sometimes, in the midst of animosity, you can find something beautiful.
i understand the meaning of agape love. imperfect people loving with a perfect love.
my eyes have been opened. many things i see at work has made me appreciate how fortunate i am.
i long to feel water flowing down my head, the wood beneath my feet and hear the steady humming of the crickets.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
emerge 07
had an amazing emerge experience.. especially on sat and sun sessions.
God broke my heart for my relatives in malaysia.
He gave me love.
He reminded me of my experience at Joshua 21.
I saw the vision of the roadside again.
What You gave me, I'll keep close to my heart.
I never want to be the same again.
Saw dear jieru. she's dong and i'm pong. haha.. lame secondary school days. anyway the most amazing thing happened when i brought her to church and the rest is history! she's not in chc now.. but doing great works at HOG. love ya dearie!
God broke my heart for my relatives in malaysia.
He gave me love.
He reminded me of my experience at Joshua 21.
I saw the vision of the roadside again.
What You gave me, I'll keep close to my heart.
I never want to be the same again.
Saw dear jieru. she's dong and i'm pong. haha.. lame secondary school days. anyway the most amazing thing happened when i brought her to church and the rest is history! she's not in chc now.. but doing great works at HOG. love ya dearie!
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Happiness
happy, sha la la, it's so nice to be happy...
haha.. i'm a happy girl! i wanna shout, GOD IS GOOD!
feeling quite exhilarated now. cos my team got into the finals for 'Who Wants To Be A Missionary'! yay! i was seriously stressed and nervous before the semi finals. but God is good! He is sovereign and He gives me peace.
for once i'm achieving something for emerge. haha... the last 4 years i took part half-heartedly in various events like word power, essay writing, pos..
i really love this competition! it's great fun, enriching and inspiring.
of cos this would not have been possible without my wonderful team members, ailing and yongfu!
ailing and i were looking thru the various mission trips that we'd wanna go for with the money we win. NEA, here i come! haha.. God, pls let it come to pass!
am also very glad cos i made remarkable improvements for my results this semester.
thank You Jesus! thanks for Your amazing grace and wonderful love! thanks for making me a happy girl and showing me Your goodness! yes, there is more than i can ever comprehend!
God is indeed good!
looking forward to emerge, probably my 2nd last year as a student. gosh.. i'm graduating next year. how time flies.
prepare me, keep me pure.
haha.. i'm a happy girl! i wanna shout, GOD IS GOOD!
feeling quite exhilarated now. cos my team got into the finals for 'Who Wants To Be A Missionary'! yay! i was seriously stressed and nervous before the semi finals. but God is good! He is sovereign and He gives me peace.
for once i'm achieving something for emerge. haha... the last 4 years i took part half-heartedly in various events like word power, essay writing, pos..
i really love this competition! it's great fun, enriching and inspiring.
of cos this would not have been possible without my wonderful team members, ailing and yongfu!
ailing and i were looking thru the various mission trips that we'd wanna go for with the money we win. NEA, here i come! haha.. God, pls let it come to pass!
am also very glad cos i made remarkable improvements for my results this semester.
thank You Jesus! thanks for Your amazing grace and wonderful love! thanks for making me a happy girl and showing me Your goodness! yes, there is more than i can ever comprehend!
God is indeed good!
looking forward to emerge, probably my 2nd last year as a student. gosh.. i'm graduating next year. how time flies.
prepare me, keep me pure.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
i am very touched by this verse:
'And I will be even more undignified than this, and will be humble in my own sight. But as for the maidservants of whom you have spoken, by them I will be held in honor.'
--King David
i wanna be broken.
i wanna live for You.
i wanna yield totally.
i wanna have clean hands and a pure heart.
'And I will be even more undignified than this, and will be humble in my own sight. But as for the maidservants of whom you have spoken, by them I will be held in honor.'
--King David
i wanna be broken.
i wanna live for You.
i wanna yield totally.
i wanna have clean hands and a pure heart.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
U alone
i'm tired, with a capital T. working at CHCSA gives me great exposure. but, i'm only paid $5 a day for social work attachment. on my free day, i help paul with cch stuff. it's a BIG sacrifice of time and money.
i'm not paid what my effort is worth!
and God put in my heart to sacrifice all i have for 1 month.
was reminded of the song,
Take all of me
I give You my all for all of You
i give You everything, for all of You. my everything.
i'm not paid what my effort is worth!
and God put in my heart to sacrifice all i have for 1 month.
was reminded of the song,
Take all of me
I give You my all for all of You
i give You everything, for all of You. my everything.
Monday, May 07, 2007
it's me again
just feel like saying:
i do not regret my experiences.
the way people look at me or even judge me no longer matters.
i am changed.
i am a change agent.
i am born for greatness.
God loves me, no matter how unworthy i am.
my breakthrough has come. i have received it. i will not go back.
God said it.
I believe it.
That settles it! Amen!
i do not regret my experiences.
the way people look at me or even judge me no longer matters.
i am changed.
i am a change agent.
i am born for greatness.
God loves me, no matter how unworthy i am.
my breakthrough has come. i have received it. i will not go back.
God said it.
I believe it.
That settles it! Amen!
thoughts
it's one day to the start of my social work attachment. i'm filled with excitement and at the same time, apprehension.
well i'm going to be working in the church office, close to 3 months of going there daily, like a full time staff. and i'm going to be working among the elites in church.
not that i'm unfamiliar with the office (i go there quite often to help paul), but having pastors and zone supervisors walking pass u while u work makes me uneasy. honestly when i help paul in the office, i like to go at timings when there's hardly anybody around. i prefer to hide at his desk and do my own thing rather than have him ask me fetch documents from the printer..cos that means i have to walk pass pastor, zs, and many others.
i've always thought it'll be nice to mingle among the leadership, but of late, the thought has become quite intimidating.
u know, everytime i look at the pastors and full time staff, they give me a sense of distinction. plainly speaking, in another class. and u know, i actually think of trivia issues like, oh no, what if i don't own ed hardy or true religion jeans? will i be out of place there? the ladies in the first row all look so fashionable and wear nice makeup.
i'm really a fearful person aren't i???
well then u might ask, why go work at chcsa then? yesterday i was talking to joshua, and he was so excited for me going there for attachment. like u know, being a sort of full time staff is a 'wow' thing.
honestly, i didn't give much thought of going to do attachment at chcsa. i wanted to go to ite or mcys to gain some secular exposure. i find i can be more outgoing and daring with unknown people.
when my nus friends ask me where i'm going, i'd say 'oh some sort of fsc'. paul encouraged me to do my placement at chcsa. so i just email my professor to 'see how'. then there was a call, and approval.. and viola, i unexpectedly landed a place.
oh no the more i type, i feel i'm really such a FEARFUL person. joshua told me, since everything turned out so nicely and is approved, then it means it's a open door from God and there MUST be a purpose. do i realised that?? nus could have easily said no, like some who tried and got rejected.
pastor kong said on saturday that NOBODY should be shy. because, 'fear not, for I am with you.' michael told me that he can be the quietest person around, but 'to influence, you have to talk.'
you know, the more i type, the more i realise how inward looking i am. and i'm allowing the devil to put fear in me than looking forward to enjoy my experience. no. that will not happen. i will go confidently and boldly to do my best and learn the most.
ah, all ends well i guess. thank God for writing therapy. thanks for sticking through with me, if you have :)
well i'm going to be working in the church office, close to 3 months of going there daily, like a full time staff. and i'm going to be working among the elites in church.
not that i'm unfamiliar with the office (i go there quite often to help paul), but having pastors and zone supervisors walking pass u while u work makes me uneasy. honestly when i help paul in the office, i like to go at timings when there's hardly anybody around. i prefer to hide at his desk and do my own thing rather than have him ask me fetch documents from the printer..cos that means i have to walk pass pastor, zs, and many others.
i've always thought it'll be nice to mingle among the leadership, but of late, the thought has become quite intimidating.
u know, everytime i look at the pastors and full time staff, they give me a sense of distinction. plainly speaking, in another class. and u know, i actually think of trivia issues like, oh no, what if i don't own ed hardy or true religion jeans? will i be out of place there? the ladies in the first row all look so fashionable and wear nice makeup.
i'm really a fearful person aren't i???
well then u might ask, why go work at chcsa then? yesterday i was talking to joshua, and he was so excited for me going there for attachment. like u know, being a sort of full time staff is a 'wow' thing.
honestly, i didn't give much thought of going to do attachment at chcsa. i wanted to go to ite or mcys to gain some secular exposure. i find i can be more outgoing and daring with unknown people.
when my nus friends ask me where i'm going, i'd say 'oh some sort of fsc'. paul encouraged me to do my placement at chcsa. so i just email my professor to 'see how'. then there was a call, and approval.. and viola, i unexpectedly landed a place.
oh no the more i type, i feel i'm really such a FEARFUL person. joshua told me, since everything turned out so nicely and is approved, then it means it's a open door from God and there MUST be a purpose. do i realised that?? nus could have easily said no, like some who tried and got rejected.
pastor kong said on saturday that NOBODY should be shy. because, 'fear not, for I am with you.' michael told me that he can be the quietest person around, but 'to influence, you have to talk.'
you know, the more i type, the more i realise how inward looking i am. and i'm allowing the devil to put fear in me than looking forward to enjoy my experience. no. that will not happen. i will go confidently and boldly to do my best and learn the most.
ah, all ends well i guess. thank God for writing therapy. thanks for sticking through with me, if you have :)
Monday, April 30, 2007
it's over
yay... exams are finally over :)
can't believe how FAST time flies, i'm going onto year 3.
one week before my placement starts. gotta treasure this spare time.
time for fiction books and plans.
can't believe how FAST time flies, i'm going onto year 3.
one week before my placement starts. gotta treasure this spare time.
time for fiction books and plans.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
brain drain
i noticed that for the past 3 weeks, every time it's time for the children to go home on saturday, it would start raining. i really dislike when it rains during the return trip. such a hassle.
anyway the weather has been weird.. i wonder if global warming is true.
i like this semester's examinations. very packed, i have papers everyday. but good, keeps me focused. when i return home, i don't waste time idling but treat every moment as precious revision time. i like this kind of driving force. wish i could have it all the time..
yesterday after a killer paper, my friend asked me, 'do you think God will be so good that He would give me miracles every semester? i dont think so there will be such a thing all the time.'
i told her that i think God is good all the time. felt that this friend had too much worries that transcended into unbelief.
i've got 3 to go, 2 by friday and 1 next monday. yeah, keep my engines running!
anyway the weather has been weird.. i wonder if global warming is true.
i like this semester's examinations. very packed, i have papers everyday. but good, keeps me focused. when i return home, i don't waste time idling but treat every moment as precious revision time. i like this kind of driving force. wish i could have it all the time..
yesterday after a killer paper, my friend asked me, 'do you think God will be so good that He would give me miracles every semester? i dont think so there will be such a thing all the time.'
i told her that i think God is good all the time. felt that this friend had too much worries that transcended into unbelief.
i've got 3 to go, 2 by friday and 1 next monday. yeah, keep my engines running!
Monday, April 23, 2007
the past week
almost one week has passed since south korean student Cho Seung-Hui killed 32 students at Virginia Tech university before turning the gun on himself. the news shook me..and i've been following updates faithfully online for the last 5 days. u know, it not only made me realise how vulnerable life is.. but also appreciate the importance of mental health. this Cho was clearly mentally unsound since young. yet the oh-so-conservative-asian values say that seeking help for mental illnesses is such a taboo. if there wasn't such hostility toward people who have mental issues and need clinical help, i believe this could have been prevented. if only someone had the courage to send this boy for mental treatment since young, the problem could have been nipped in the bud.
anyway i spent the last week preparing for my exams which start tmr, and ends next monday. i practically have a paper everyday, except sat and sun. manage to get a break in the midst of exam fever. on tuesday, i went to queue up for the free ben and jerry's cone at cathay cineplex with shuling. had the oatmeal cookie flavor and it was out of this world! a tad bit sweet though, but overall lovely! i must admit, it's my virgin taste of ben and jerry's.. caught a movie too... 'The reaping'.. had dinner delivered to me in the theatre. there's this special service that picturehouse offers. ate fish baked rice and it was goooood too! but the movie left me with lots of question marks.
just when i thought i was overlooked and left out, You came and saved the day. You never fail to. love U!
Monday, April 16, 2007
AMAZING!
the little Jit Peng whom i visit just called me and asked,
"How to invite Jesus into my heart?"
WOW! i'm just so blown away!
"How to invite Jesus into my heart?"
WOW! i'm just so blown away!
thoughts
Just had 3 astounding meeting with pst benny hinn. i never fail to be in awe of all the miraculous healings and encounters with God that take place. it was worth the 2 hour queue. God never fails to move among those who are hungry.
Pst Benny Hinn shared things about healing which are very revelational. like the 2 sides to His cross, and Jesus likening Himself to be the serpent on the rod, which is actually Him becoming sin for us.
this man is really close to God. he has so many amazing encounters like touching the robe of Jesus. and i gotta desire that.
my exams are coming up, starting next tuesday. just got back my mid term test for vasoo's module.. scored an A.. greatly encouraged :)
easter week was tiring. but nevertheless, thank God for very potential newcomers although i didn't hit target.
well that's all i have to say. after all that happened, all i really want to do is to talk to You.
Monday, April 02, 2007
The Good Husband
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all.
He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,
"Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $0.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time . . PRICELESS!!!
He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,
"Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $0.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time . . PRICELESS!!!
Monday, March 26, 2007
it must be the hardest week
tests, papers, projects... adding on easter preparations to my list of things to do.
thanks to those who called/sms/tagged me. for your encouragements for my driving test. it's not too bad after all.
rev casey treat spoke about vision. what you see is what you get. true true.
i saw my name written, and it's really gonna be!
i remember this indonesian song i learnt in malang.. it goes..
(melayu lyrics... then...) yes, yes, yes, YES! and you do the 'whoosh' thingy with your hands. how funny and how i feel like doing it now!
thanks to those who called/sms/tagged me. for your encouragements for my driving test. it's not too bad after all.
rev casey treat spoke about vision. what you see is what you get. true true.
i saw my name written, and it's really gonna be!
i remember this indonesian song i learnt in malang.. it goes..
(melayu lyrics... then...) yes, yes, yes, YES! and you do the 'whoosh' thingy with your hands. how funny and how i feel like doing it now!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
i failed my driving test. well it's my 2nd time doing it. won't blame circumstances, but will say it was such a waste to fail and i was terribly disappointed. almost wanted to cry in front tester and beg him to be a bit more leniant, cos i failed by a few demerit points. anyway, as i queued up at the counter to register for a new date, i was thinking, shucks.. can i not go through this again?
then my driving instructor came to talk to me, my parents called, some friends sms.. i was trying to be strong, put on a brave front and say, 'aiya, try again lor'. when i was finally out of the center, andrew called, and i couldn't take it so i sat at the bus stop and sobbed. thankfully there was no one there, but the cry did make me feel better. later on when i went to work, michael told me that it took him 4 tests before he passed. well i've heard of others who took longer. but honestly, the feeling of going thru this whole driving ordeal makes me sick!
at least i can take my mind off driving for awhile, cos i have 2 tests coming up next thurs and i really hope to do well! no more disappointments please.. buck up hweeling!
then my driving instructor came to talk to me, my parents called, some friends sms.. i was trying to be strong, put on a brave front and say, 'aiya, try again lor'. when i was finally out of the center, andrew called, and i couldn't take it so i sat at the bus stop and sobbed. thankfully there was no one there, but the cry did make me feel better. later on when i went to work, michael told me that it took him 4 tests before he passed. well i've heard of others who took longer. but honestly, the feeling of going thru this whole driving ordeal makes me sick!
at least i can take my mind off driving for awhile, cos i have 2 tests coming up next thurs and i really hope to do well! no more disappointments please.. buck up hweeling!
Friday, March 16, 2007
social work attachment
this coming may will be the start of an interesting experience. i'll be doing my social work placement at city harvest community services association. think it's gonna be a real eye opener and i'm really anticipating it! well it all started with a phone call from pastor Tan's personal assistant, my professor giving the green light, and viola! i landed with a place in the agency. some of my friends got posted to prisons, hospitals, fscs. gonna be a real enriching experience!
i'm glad i can spend all my long holidays meaningfully. last year, i worked for michael.. he really taught me a lot and entrusted a lot into my hands.. like analysing his workshop feedback with spss (which i was totally clueless about last year), helping him with reports and validation of his checklists, bringing me to meet influential people in the education field for presentation, letting me take care of logistics, and leaving me to care for the whole office when he and lena were overseas. he even wrote me a testimonial after i left. well not forgetting spending the 3 months in 2006 helping paul as his personal assistant, and somehow i'm still doing it. i remembered how i wanted to make each day count, and would 'bug' him in the morning to bring me along to his visitations (which he usually did alone cos they were very ulu areas). even after times i got badly reprimanded and felt that i had disappointed him greatly, i would still ask his whereabouts tag along with him on his vistations. guess i was really thick skinned at that time..haha..
sy rogers said that though there may be adversaries in life, build up your memorial stones, look back at how God was good. yup, i'll take time to build up my memorial stones and look back, while walking forward. amen.
i'm glad i can spend all my long holidays meaningfully. last year, i worked for michael.. he really taught me a lot and entrusted a lot into my hands.. like analysing his workshop feedback with spss (which i was totally clueless about last year), helping him with reports and validation of his checklists, bringing me to meet influential people in the education field for presentation, letting me take care of logistics, and leaving me to care for the whole office when he and lena were overseas. he even wrote me a testimonial after i left. well not forgetting spending the 3 months in 2006 helping paul as his personal assistant, and somehow i'm still doing it. i remembered how i wanted to make each day count, and would 'bug' him in the morning to bring me along to his visitations (which he usually did alone cos they were very ulu areas). even after times i got badly reprimanded and felt that i had disappointed him greatly, i would still ask his whereabouts tag along with him on his vistations. guess i was really thick skinned at that time..haha..
sy rogers said that though there may be adversaries in life, build up your memorial stones, look back at how God was good. yup, i'll take time to build up my memorial stones and look back, while walking forward. amen.
wide awake
it's 2am in the morning, i have class tmr morning, but i can't get to sleep.
some thoughts in my mind that's keeping me awake.
Jesus please come comfort me and gimme sweet slumber!
i will turn my fear to faith, my anxiety to trust.
thank U Lord for hearing me.
some thoughts in my mind that's keeping me awake.
Jesus please come comfort me and gimme sweet slumber!
i will turn my fear to faith, my anxiety to trust.
thank U Lord for hearing me.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
love is a splendid thing
i guess one would never understand the amazement of love until you are in it. anyways, i've just finish The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella. it's a great read and i could not put it down. feel so guilty to be reading fiction books in the midst of all the assignments that are going to be due soon. well it's about a workaholic attorney who commits a mistake and loses everything that she has worked for overnight. she gets into meltdown, boards a train and ends up working as a housekeeper in the countryside..and here she meets someone she loves. eventually she solves a scandal in her ex law firm and they want her back as a partner (means she will earn lots of money la..). she goes through much deliberation, finally chooses her soul mate, and decides not to return to the position she was working for all her life. ah.. this book leaves me in love. haha.. reminds me of 'what profits a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul.' sometimes certain things are more worthwhile to give up.
i have an upcoming 10 page life story to embark on.. and i'm going to write on my mother's life story. BUT... i don't exactly like to deal with emotional issues.. like how she cried when she gave birth to her first child and see them growing up etc. i don't like to deal with lump-in-my-throat kind of feelings.. or ache in my heart. not sure why, but i havent really been an affectionate person. these things are too stressful to go through! like how one daughter wrote about her father and she learns to appreciate and love him even more..and starts crying together and embracing. i cannot take this sort of stuff. it makes me shudder. i dunno why..am i lack of love? don't know, dont wanna think. haha.. ah well, thanks for reading my ramblings. i'll see what i can do about this bug in my life.
i have an upcoming 10 page life story to embark on.. and i'm going to write on my mother's life story. BUT... i don't exactly like to deal with emotional issues.. like how she cried when she gave birth to her first child and see them growing up etc. i don't like to deal with lump-in-my-throat kind of feelings.. or ache in my heart. not sure why, but i havent really been an affectionate person. these things are too stressful to go through! like how one daughter wrote about her father and she learns to appreciate and love him even more..and starts crying together and embracing. i cannot take this sort of stuff. it makes me shudder. i dunno why..am i lack of love? don't know, dont wanna think. haha.. ah well, thanks for reading my ramblings. i'll see what i can do about this bug in my life.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
cranky blogger
i spent the last few days trying to update my blog.. and when i click on 'publish', some error msg pops up and my 30-45 mins worth of thought-typing is all gone! how frustrating. lets hope it turns out well this time.
went for cch's overnight prayer meeting last fri-sat. i was reminded of the things God spoke to me last year as i sat there at the same place. if you obey Me, the things I will do in you and through you are limitless. i will commit myself to a year of renewed consecration and total obedience. 2006 hasn't exactly been smooth sailing. but i did learn a lot. yesterday on the bus i wondered, God, why do i have to go through all these obstacles? the author in boy meets girl wrote that the moment he stops struggling against his sinful nature, he knows he'd be lost. by God's grace i can be commited to fighting!
anyway, pst kong also wrapped up the cultural mandate series last sunday, speaking on pop culture. it's inspiring listening to all that he taught, but i realised i don't belong to any part of the pop culture. so what i can do is support those in it through prayer. these days, i feel that it's important stand firm and have security in the unique circumstances and calling God has set me apart for. i have a tendency to let my eyes wander and look at others, sometimes feeling that i'd like what they have. then i was reminded of the analogy two vessels that God made - a rice cooker and a flower vase. the rice cooker is created to warm rice and not put flowers, and that's what's so unique about it. maybe the flower vase will receive more admiration and people might neglect the rice cooker, but that's not what matters. the deal is to be faithful in what each vessel is created for, so they can both stand with pride in front of their Creator at the end of the day.
hooray! my mid term test was over today. honestly, i don't think i'll fare well. i studied everything catching the gist. but alas, the test was full of detail-questions! what's the name of the person who first used choloform. well i didn't remember. i'm quite relieved that the test is over. thank goodness i s/u it.
social work attachment is coming up and i'm full of anticipation for it! most likely will try for the placement at ITE or MCYS doing assessment on children and families. it's gonna be great fun and a wonderful learning experience.. hope and pray i'll get it.
i'm so happy to be able to blog again! miss you blog! i read an article on stress and one way to handle stress is to do what you love. i really love writing here. it's like a theraphy for my soul, and when i write everything out, life doesn't seem so hard after all. thanks for sticking through the ups and downs with me bloggie.. haha..
went for cch's overnight prayer meeting last fri-sat. i was reminded of the things God spoke to me last year as i sat there at the same place. if you obey Me, the things I will do in you and through you are limitless. i will commit myself to a year of renewed consecration and total obedience. 2006 hasn't exactly been smooth sailing. but i did learn a lot. yesterday on the bus i wondered, God, why do i have to go through all these obstacles? the author in boy meets girl wrote that the moment he stops struggling against his sinful nature, he knows he'd be lost. by God's grace i can be commited to fighting!
anyway, pst kong also wrapped up the cultural mandate series last sunday, speaking on pop culture. it's inspiring listening to all that he taught, but i realised i don't belong to any part of the pop culture. so what i can do is support those in it through prayer. these days, i feel that it's important stand firm and have security in the unique circumstances and calling God has set me apart for. i have a tendency to let my eyes wander and look at others, sometimes feeling that i'd like what they have. then i was reminded of the analogy two vessels that God made - a rice cooker and a flower vase. the rice cooker is created to warm rice and not put flowers, and that's what's so unique about it. maybe the flower vase will receive more admiration and people might neglect the rice cooker, but that's not what matters. the deal is to be faithful in what each vessel is created for, so they can both stand with pride in front of their Creator at the end of the day.
hooray! my mid term test was over today. honestly, i don't think i'll fare well. i studied everything catching the gist. but alas, the test was full of detail-questions! what's the name of the person who first used choloform. well i didn't remember. i'm quite relieved that the test is over. thank goodness i s/u it.
social work attachment is coming up and i'm full of anticipation for it! most likely will try for the placement at ITE or MCYS doing assessment on children and families. it's gonna be great fun and a wonderful learning experience.. hope and pray i'll get it.
i'm so happy to be able to blog again! miss you blog! i read an article on stress and one way to handle stress is to do what you love. i really love writing here. it's like a theraphy for my soul, and when i write everything out, life doesn't seem so hard after all. thanks for sticking through the ups and downs with me bloggie.. haha..
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
CNY
had quite an eventful chinese new year. caught up with my relatives in east malaysia. it's one BIG family over there. i can't count how many families my extended family has. but it's a lot. couldn't really connect with them though. i felt bored frequently.. it appeared senseless to me sitting my day away in front of the tube and eating at almost every single moment. but i guess that's what new year's about. catching up and fellowshiping with relatives.
hmm did a fair bit of catching up with friends in the last week too. Pc zone came over for a new year gathering at my function room... i went to visit shuling's home on thur. her mum cooked teochew mui for us. had not had that for a long time... lazed around her home and chatted too. also went to andrew's place to bai nian.. followed by his birthday dinner with weiwen and andrew's lecturer. we had seafood at greenwood.. never in my life have i eaten so much mussels, calms, fish, oysters, prawns, squid, crayfish, crab, octopus at one go! and i think my stomach had no capacity for such stuff.. cos i vomitted $50 per person worth of dinner. felt so sick after that.
hmm did a fair bit of catching up with friends in the last week too. Pc zone came over for a new year gathering at my function room... i went to visit shuling's home on thur. her mum cooked teochew mui for us. had not had that for a long time... lazed around her home and chatted too. also went to andrew's place to bai nian.. followed by his birthday dinner with weiwen and andrew's lecturer. we had seafood at greenwood.. never in my life have i eaten so much mussels, calms, fish, oysters, prawns, squid, crayfish, crab, octopus at one go! and i think my stomach had no capacity for such stuff.. cos i vomitted $50 per person worth of dinner. felt so sick after that.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
i wish to remark again... how time flies!
i caught the movie 'Little Children'. the show is so complicated that it left me feeling messed up at the end. it's about the dysfunctional lives of a few people in a small neighbourhood. a man who betrays his wife with a fetish for pornography.. a pair of restless housewife and househusband who commit adultery at every single available moment... a overly-dependent-on-mother adult man, who is a pedophile. no prizes for guessing who was the bored housewife... kate winslet! and in the show (it's M18 by the way..) there are numerous explicit sex scenes where the leading lady exposes her breasts and the leading guy flashes his butt. set me thinking.. what motivates people to bear themselves for movies, which are watched by millions of people? if it's for the sake of art i understand.. but most of the time it's for letting the audience gain titillation rite.. ah well.. shall not strain my brain thinking about this issue for now.
oh my dear friend did a very nice thing for me! i was surprised with a hand-delivered meal (box of dory pasta) in the middle of the show. how sweet.. i happen to be famished at that moment too.
anyway.. it's time to go back to msia for CNY. every year i go there.. i feel like i'm wasting time! honestly.. there's nothing much to do. just sit around in the warm weather, eat, listen to the aunties cackle.. brought my books in to study for my mid terms. sigh.. what a holiday.. til i'm back, happy chinese new year!
i caught the movie 'Little Children'. the show is so complicated that it left me feeling messed up at the end. it's about the dysfunctional lives of a few people in a small neighbourhood. a man who betrays his wife with a fetish for pornography.. a pair of restless housewife and househusband who commit adultery at every single available moment... a overly-dependent-on-mother adult man, who is a pedophile. no prizes for guessing who was the bored housewife... kate winslet! and in the show (it's M18 by the way..) there are numerous explicit sex scenes where the leading lady exposes her breasts and the leading guy flashes his butt. set me thinking.. what motivates people to bear themselves for movies, which are watched by millions of people? if it's for the sake of art i understand.. but most of the time it's for letting the audience gain titillation rite.. ah well.. shall not strain my brain thinking about this issue for now.
oh my dear friend did a very nice thing for me! i was surprised with a hand-delivered meal (box of dory pasta) in the middle of the show. how sweet.. i happen to be famished at that moment too.
anyway.. it's time to go back to msia for CNY. every year i go there.. i feel like i'm wasting time! honestly.. there's nothing much to do. just sit around in the warm weather, eat, listen to the aunties cackle.. brought my books in to study for my mid terms. sigh.. what a holiday.. til i'm back, happy chinese new year!
Friday, February 09, 2007
life oh life
shall take some time to pen down my thoughts while waiting for my face mask to settle. gosh, i had such a bad outbreak on my forehead! it's really hideous. and my face looks horrid. no healthy pink. doesn't help that i have a flu disturbing me too. i feel like my body is in a bad shape. late nights and stress i reckon.
i've come to conclusion that i'm stressed up about managing time with my family and studies. recently i've been home late almost every other day. what have i been doing? chen su lan, meet up with different friends, bible study, visitation, random things that crop up. my mum nags that i treat the home like a hotel. and i'm drifting from my family especially my siblings. at least i can talk to my dad when he drives me to MRT in the mornings. i really don't wish for that to happen. i value my family a lot. and i think i've compromised time with them for other things. and when i come home late, everyone is in their own world doing their own things. i need to get in touch with myself and the people i love and value. i feel that school work is building up too. projects, term papers, mid term tests. God give me strength to cross this water!
ah well, over the weekend celebrated guen's 21st birthday. had a sleepover.. it was fun and i met my new love! Curious george. hahaha...
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
everytime when i come online to check email, i will always get distracted by surfing my friend's blogs, looking at this at that etc. haha.. and that's how time flies by! gosh, time really flies when you get on the internet.
singaporeans have a fetish for fried food. there's this stall selling british fish and chips marinated in beer.. and fried curry chicken and mars bars at raffles city. the queue was super long but people don't mind queueing.
i went to hong kong cafe last night. that place sells anything and everything! goodness.. the menu was 10 pages long. literally all sorts of nonsense.. you can find there. i tried this pretty interesting dish. toasted bun, and in between was a slice of butter and pineapple. weird right.. but the taste was amazing! warm, crispy, sourish, saltish, sweetish. hahaha... sensitized my taste buds.
in 6 days it will be the end of january. how time flies.. met up with delvina before her meeting yesterday. she says i have a sad countenance. yes i agree, i haven't been experiencing much joy.. letting go, that's the next level i have to go.
singaporeans have a fetish for fried food. there's this stall selling british fish and chips marinated in beer.. and fried curry chicken and mars bars at raffles city. the queue was super long but people don't mind queueing.
i went to hong kong cafe last night. that place sells anything and everything! goodness.. the menu was 10 pages long. literally all sorts of nonsense.. you can find there. i tried this pretty interesting dish. toasted bun, and in between was a slice of butter and pineapple. weird right.. but the taste was amazing! warm, crispy, sourish, saltish, sweetish. hahaha... sensitized my taste buds.
in 6 days it will be the end of january. how time flies.. met up with delvina before her meeting yesterday. she says i have a sad countenance. yes i agree, i haven't been experiencing much joy.. letting go, that's the next level i have to go.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
got this from guen
Congratulations hl, you are 5% not Malaysian.
That means you're as Malaysian as...
Abdullah Badawi !
is this a good score? hahaha...
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
have not done this for long..
| You Are a Lazy Cook |
 Technically, you're a cook... in that you do cook the occasional frozen burrito in the microwave. Get a little adventurous. Sprinkle some fresh cheese on that frozen pizza next time! |
| You Are Mud Pie |
 You're the perfect combo of flavor and depth Those who like you give into their impulses |
updates
I had the most peculiar but cutest dream last night. dreamt that i had 2 puppies and a baby panda as pets. they were the most adorable creatures! had great fun with them until i lost my baby panda in the train! then i woke up with a jolt.
quite a lot has been going on for the past 2 weeks. school re-opened. the first week was still like holiday. wanted to get my textbooks to start some reading but everytime i went it was not available. a nus lecturer's sudden death was quite shocking for all of us. i especially enjoy my mental health module this semester! it's taught by a part time lecturer who worked 20 years in the field and she had such interesting stories to share. 4 day week this semester, but the greatest thing is my exams end before May! hip hip hooray! i can't bear the thought of draggy exams like the one i had last semester.
been also hearing a lot about culture, world view.. set me thinking about my placement in May.. hmm...
my lecturer said 'mental health is the most valuable capital in any country'. and i totally agree. without a healthy mind, all other functionings will be impaired. thank God i have found a great hope and great love.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Let me have this now and forevermore!
quite a lot has been going on for the past 2 weeks. school re-opened. the first week was still like holiday. wanted to get my textbooks to start some reading but everytime i went it was not available. a nus lecturer's sudden death was quite shocking for all of us. i especially enjoy my mental health module this semester! it's taught by a part time lecturer who worked 20 years in the field and she had such interesting stories to share. 4 day week this semester, but the greatest thing is my exams end before May! hip hip hooray! i can't bear the thought of draggy exams like the one i had last semester.
been also hearing a lot about culture, world view.. set me thinking about my placement in May.. hmm...
my lecturer said 'mental health is the most valuable capital in any country'. and i totally agree. without a healthy mind, all other functionings will be impaired. thank God i have found a great hope and great love.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Let me have this now and forevermore!
Friday, January 12, 2007
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
steamboat gathering
today my zone came over for a very last minute gathering. had a fun time.. buying food at carrefour.. fellowshipping.. playing PS and uno cards. good start to a new year! i'm very thankful to be so close to paul, and for all that he has sown into my life.
Monday, January 01, 2007
happy new year!
i went to bedok reservoir just now and it was so peaceful! far from the maddening crowd doing the countdown. i enjoy quietness and spending the night with close ones.
anyway, two significant events took place yesterday:
1) i had a primary school gathering! can u imagine meeting friends u have not seen for 8 years!? that's really something. everyone has matured and we were laughing at the silly things we used to do as kids.
2) my bus - w09 had a record attendance of 78 kids! can u imagine again.. 78 kids and 6 adults squeezed in a 40-seater! this was really something!
ended the year well i can say, looking forward to new things!
anyway, two significant events took place yesterday:
1) i had a primary school gathering! can u imagine meeting friends u have not seen for 8 years!? that's really something. everyone has matured and we were laughing at the silly things we used to do as kids.
2) my bus - w09 had a record attendance of 78 kids! can u imagine again.. 78 kids and 6 adults squeezed in a 40-seater! this was really something!
ended the year well i can say, looking forward to new things!