Goodness me!
The halfway mark of year 2017 is almost near.
Time flies by so quickly and my little baby is already standing and taking small unassisted steps at 10 months old.
Even the June holidays - one month seemed long and daunting - but Ariel is already into her final week! I didn't have many activities planned for her, just a half day art camp, a baking class, trips to National Gallery or just hanging around supermarkets. And there, poof, time flew by magically.
Both kids were down with fever, flu, cough, loss of appetite for the 1st week of June, and spent a lot of time sleeping and recuperating at home. Even so, those sleepless nights of dealing with crankiness swept by.
Tomorrow, we'll be headed for a luxury staycation at Fullerton hotel. I can hardly wait :)
I've been on part time employment since 1 June 2017, with a pay cut. Nevertheless, I am thankful for the organisation's approval for me to work half a day. Wouldn't want to miss these precious moments of kids growing up.
Every night as I lay in bed between my babies and kiss their peaceful soft foreheads, my heart is full. Filled with love, gratitude and grace from God for this beautiful experience of child rearing.
Friday, June 23, 2017
Friday, March 31, 2017
God will provide
Diapers get more expensive as a child's bum grows in size. Haha.
To make the dollar stretch further, I've turned to Carousell to source for my kids' disposable needs. I've spent so much time doing comparisons and calculations, not forgetting the correspondences on collection venue and date, etc... AND I got really wearied today. Do I really have to go through this!
Then i heard a gentle rebuke: God will provide!
So i thought, OK. lets go to Red Mart and just get them delivered to my door.
Lo and behold, there was a carton sale and after some online discounts, I bagged diapers at the same price as the Carousell seller, and best of all, without me having to go out of the way to collect!
God will provide!
Andrew also asked why we were not dining out anymore. I do not think of indulging much these days. Finance issues are real. Plus, I am going part time from 1 June onwards. It has been my desire to spend more time on the caregiving of both my kids personally. and now, i can fulfill it, but with a pay cut.
Nonetheless, the joy of being around my kids are priceless.
I just have to look to this intangible goodness whenever my heart wavers.
Remember, God will provide! He clothes in lilies of the field. He feeds the birds in the sky.
To make the dollar stretch further, I've turned to Carousell to source for my kids' disposable needs. I've spent so much time doing comparisons and calculations, not forgetting the correspondences on collection venue and date, etc... AND I got really wearied today. Do I really have to go through this!
Then i heard a gentle rebuke: God will provide!
So i thought, OK. lets go to Red Mart and just get them delivered to my door.
Lo and behold, there was a carton sale and after some online discounts, I bagged diapers at the same price as the Carousell seller, and best of all, without me having to go out of the way to collect!
God will provide!
Andrew also asked why we were not dining out anymore. I do not think of indulging much these days. Finance issues are real. Plus, I am going part time from 1 June onwards. It has been my desire to spend more time on the caregiving of both my kids personally. and now, i can fulfill it, but with a pay cut.
Nonetheless, the joy of being around my kids are priceless.
I just have to look to this intangible goodness whenever my heart wavers.
Remember, God will provide! He clothes in lilies of the field. He feeds the birds in the sky.
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Hello 2017
With children, the days are long but the years are short.
It only seemed like yesterday when I was pregnant with Aden, doing hospital check-ups, getting warded for labour, holding a tiny being in my arms, going through confinement, then getting back to work, and the events go on...
Now, my baby is almost 6 months old and starting on his solid food.
Aden has been a relatively easy baby. The first month was tough. He cried A LOT. and I remember being so exhausted. now, he's a sweet, fuss-free, adaptable, sociable, smiley baby, who can even fall asleep on his own. I feel so blessed.
Things have got better after the initial few months when we were all thrown off tandem with a new addition. i feel happier and lighter these days, learning to let go and live some moments without structure.
Well, just for documentation, Ariel fell off the bed on 13 December. It was very bizarre as that had never happened before. For some reason, she rolled in her sleep very close to the foot of the bed. Andrew woke up and saw her, but decided it would be fine since we were leaving home soon and would carry her off the bed shortly. whoever knew that she would fall off the bed in the next second. at that moment, i was in the toilet when i heard a loud thump. my heart sank. i rushed into the room and saw ariel crying and trying to get up on her fours. Quickly carried and comforted her. subsequently, i felt warm and wet on my shoulder. a very sick feeling came upon me as i guessed it was blood.
my shirt was soaked! she suffered a deep cut on her chin and i knew at once it was a wound that warranted medical attention. I was preparing to go to work and contemplated about taking the day off to go to KKH A&E. then i thought, why not go to my workplace for help? so with God's kind provision, i headed quickly to work before the clinic sessions started. and got help from a consultant to treat the wound. Ariel was given a local anaesthetic jab. she needed 3 stitches. 2 nurses and myself swaddled and held her down while the doctor stitched the wound. it was a very traumatic experience.
my heart felt heavy but my eyes felt dry. i felt emotionless by this ordeal.
Looking back, God's hands had always been there whenever something happened to ariel due to our failure to heed God's prompting, or sheer omission / negligence. Take the first major accident where she fell off the high chair (still gives me creeps thinking about it). we were helpless at Takashimaya shopping mall with a bleeding baby, and our friend appeared right in front of us and sent us to the hospital! he was also familiar with the hospital setting, having sent his kids there before, and ushered us to the necessary place to go.
This time, God provided the timeliness and favour to get ariel treated at my workplace in a minimal time by a skin specialist. The medical care and attention was impeccable given that i was a staff there.
i am rather saddened by the keliod scar that formed over the wound. but nevertheless, we will persevere in applying the scar gel consistently, and pray for the scar to shrink and disappear.
My hair always stands and i get shivers in my spine whenever i recall injuries that happened to my child. all in all, accidents are bound to take place, but we must pray for blessing and protections unceasingly, and never take safety for granted.
Generally, the world is changing and today's outlook appears bleak. But we can take heart to be of good cheer, for He has overcome the world.
*Sigh* of relief...
It only seemed like yesterday when I was pregnant with Aden, doing hospital check-ups, getting warded for labour, holding a tiny being in my arms, going through confinement, then getting back to work, and the events go on...
Now, my baby is almost 6 months old and starting on his solid food.
Aden has been a relatively easy baby. The first month was tough. He cried A LOT. and I remember being so exhausted. now, he's a sweet, fuss-free, adaptable, sociable, smiley baby, who can even fall asleep on his own. I feel so blessed.
Things have got better after the initial few months when we were all thrown off tandem with a new addition. i feel happier and lighter these days, learning to let go and live some moments without structure.
Well, just for documentation, Ariel fell off the bed on 13 December. It was very bizarre as that had never happened before. For some reason, she rolled in her sleep very close to the foot of the bed. Andrew woke up and saw her, but decided it would be fine since we were leaving home soon and would carry her off the bed shortly. whoever knew that she would fall off the bed in the next second. at that moment, i was in the toilet when i heard a loud thump. my heart sank. i rushed into the room and saw ariel crying and trying to get up on her fours. Quickly carried and comforted her. subsequently, i felt warm and wet on my shoulder. a very sick feeling came upon me as i guessed it was blood.
my shirt was soaked! she suffered a deep cut on her chin and i knew at once it was a wound that warranted medical attention. I was preparing to go to work and contemplated about taking the day off to go to KKH A&E. then i thought, why not go to my workplace for help? so with God's kind provision, i headed quickly to work before the clinic sessions started. and got help from a consultant to treat the wound. Ariel was given a local anaesthetic jab. she needed 3 stitches. 2 nurses and myself swaddled and held her down while the doctor stitched the wound. it was a very traumatic experience.
my heart felt heavy but my eyes felt dry. i felt emotionless by this ordeal.
Looking back, God's hands had always been there whenever something happened to ariel due to our failure to heed God's prompting, or sheer omission / negligence. Take the first major accident where she fell off the high chair (still gives me creeps thinking about it). we were helpless at Takashimaya shopping mall with a bleeding baby, and our friend appeared right in front of us and sent us to the hospital! he was also familiar with the hospital setting, having sent his kids there before, and ushered us to the necessary place to go.
This time, God provided the timeliness and favour to get ariel treated at my workplace in a minimal time by a skin specialist. The medical care and attention was impeccable given that i was a staff there.
i am rather saddened by the keliod scar that formed over the wound. but nevertheless, we will persevere in applying the scar gel consistently, and pray for the scar to shrink and disappear.
My hair always stands and i get shivers in my spine whenever i recall injuries that happened to my child. all in all, accidents are bound to take place, but we must pray for blessing and protections unceasingly, and never take safety for granted.
Generally, the world is changing and today's outlook appears bleak. But we can take heart to be of good cheer, for He has overcome the world.
*Sigh* of relief...
Wednesday, December 07, 2016
Life is fleeting
The hustle and bustle of life catches you and it's so easy to forgo things you used to do or wished you could do.
My days pass so quickly with 2 kids. One going on 4 years, the other going on 4 months.
I could probably achieve more on what i set out to do, but I chose to engage the kids personally whenever time permits, so i am left with very little time for myself. Moreover, Ariel does not nap anymore, so there is virtually no downtime for me in the day to catch up on anything.
By the time everyone's settled to bed, i am too exhausted myself, or i'd need to do my last milk pump for the day, or i'd need to do some chores. The wretched Tanjong Rhu MRT construction is just outside my block and a lot of dust comes into the unit. so mopping regularly is a must.
Sometimes, i am so tired that i get irritated easily and scold ariel a lot more. She's also in a phase of exerting her independence, hence we clash quite often.
As i lie in bed at night, i often feel so bad raising my voice instead of reasoning with her rationally. Got to pray for grace and patience to overcome this one.
Take for instance, my 2 week break this week has gone by so quickly, and i'm only left with 2 working days to spend with my kids. at least i got most of the things i've set out to do settled, lest for one task which i really need to find time to embark on.
I'm excited! Finally some indulgence for myself tomorrow. Will be heading for the so-called best buffet in town at Ritz Carlton! I can hardly wait. i did not even try the Landing Point's high tea during my birthday, as i felt it was too expensive.
Come to think of it, much of what i earn goes to savings and legacy building. i should cut myself some slack and live the moment at times.
Looking back at the past 1-2 months, i had a postpartum abnormal pap smear. Did a colposcopy and biopsy for further investigations. It was found i had cervical cancer 1B. i was shocked and emotional of course. however, the doctor assured me that this stage will take 10 years to develop to something advanced, and most people's immunity can tackle the abnormality and body goes back to normal. I'd need constant monitoring though. well, money on medical fees is another headache now.
Breastfeeding wise, with this 2nd one, i managed to build up quite a frozen supply (previously with ariel, i had never had enough to freeze). i used to pump 7X, then 6X, and now 5X. i do not plan to do this for long, as the doctor advised that BF brings down my immunity, which is crucial to overcome these abnormal cells. Am disliking the effort and time taken to express milk. But the benefits to the child weighs this off. Hope i can last to a year, and call it quits for good.
Ariel's currently in a 2-week speech and drama camp for 3 hours a day. it's in English and Mandarin. Very affordable fees as it's held at the community centre. But the class size is big and age group is wide. so i'm not very sure if she's truly well engaged. nevertheless, the exposure is good.
we've done many fun activities together like craft and baking. will find some time to post some photos soon!
The little one's doing good too, very interactive and smiley :)
My days pass so quickly with 2 kids. One going on 4 years, the other going on 4 months.
I could probably achieve more on what i set out to do, but I chose to engage the kids personally whenever time permits, so i am left with very little time for myself. Moreover, Ariel does not nap anymore, so there is virtually no downtime for me in the day to catch up on anything.
By the time everyone's settled to bed, i am too exhausted myself, or i'd need to do my last milk pump for the day, or i'd need to do some chores. The wretched Tanjong Rhu MRT construction is just outside my block and a lot of dust comes into the unit. so mopping regularly is a must.
Sometimes, i am so tired that i get irritated easily and scold ariel a lot more. She's also in a phase of exerting her independence, hence we clash quite often.
As i lie in bed at night, i often feel so bad raising my voice instead of reasoning with her rationally. Got to pray for grace and patience to overcome this one.
Take for instance, my 2 week break this week has gone by so quickly, and i'm only left with 2 working days to spend with my kids. at least i got most of the things i've set out to do settled, lest for one task which i really need to find time to embark on.
I'm excited! Finally some indulgence for myself tomorrow. Will be heading for the so-called best buffet in town at Ritz Carlton! I can hardly wait. i did not even try the Landing Point's high tea during my birthday, as i felt it was too expensive.
Come to think of it, much of what i earn goes to savings and legacy building. i should cut myself some slack and live the moment at times.
Looking back at the past 1-2 months, i had a postpartum abnormal pap smear. Did a colposcopy and biopsy for further investigations. It was found i had cervical cancer 1B. i was shocked and emotional of course. however, the doctor assured me that this stage will take 10 years to develop to something advanced, and most people's immunity can tackle the abnormality and body goes back to normal. I'd need constant monitoring though. well, money on medical fees is another headache now.
Breastfeeding wise, with this 2nd one, i managed to build up quite a frozen supply (previously with ariel, i had never had enough to freeze). i used to pump 7X, then 6X, and now 5X. i do not plan to do this for long, as the doctor advised that BF brings down my immunity, which is crucial to overcome these abnormal cells. Am disliking the effort and time taken to express milk. But the benefits to the child weighs this off. Hope i can last to a year, and call it quits for good.
Ariel's currently in a 2-week speech and drama camp for 3 hours a day. it's in English and Mandarin. Very affordable fees as it's held at the community centre. But the class size is big and age group is wide. so i'm not very sure if she's truly well engaged. nevertheless, the exposure is good.
we've done many fun activities together like craft and baking. will find some time to post some photos soon!
The little one's doing good too, very interactive and smiley :)
Saturday, August 27, 2016
08.08.2016
8 August... My routine gynae check-up at 36 weeks after 1 week of being confined for home rest.
Though my mobility was rather slow and i got tired easily, i was really happy to be home for that week, spending precious one-on-one time with ariel being the newborn arrived. I suspected i was already in early labour during the week. Couldn't sleep at night with general discomfort, and i had what appeared to be diarrhea due to the loosening of cervix muscles.
Back to 8 August (Monday). My amniotic fluid index dipped further, below 3 this time. In addition, my gynae found that i was already 4cm dilated.
So we discussed that it was best to induce labour today.
Well, previously i was also sent off to deliver at a routine gynae check, so this time i was mentally prepared. I didn't mind giving birth on the 8th or 9th (national day), as both were nice dates, haha.
Off i went to the delivery suites where i was put on antibiotic drip as i was GBS positive again. really hate the blood plug. after 30 mins of the drip, a medical officer came in to break my water bag at about 10am. thereafter, i was plugged up for oxytocin.
the contractions started progressing til it was about 2 mins apart and i relied on the glorious laughing gas for relief and to help me catch some precious winks. honestly, the "high" feeling that the gas gave was really good. Til i was about 5-6cm dilated and i couldn't take the pain, i requested for epidural. helped me relax and within about 30 mins, my dilated went from 6cm to 9cm to my amazement. So the room nurse quickly called my gynae who showed up within 5 minutes, as she was just running clinic downstairs. all throughout labour, i was claiming Bible promises and commanding my body for quick and smooth labour. the quick dilation was really something to be thankful for.
Giving thanks to God, my labour this time was about 5 hours, and Aden Ang Tian Le was born at 1552 with a birth weight of about 2.8kg. My first thought when i saw him: He's so clean! Must have been the coconut juice i was drinking daily to increase the amniotic fluid.
Because Aden was born before full term, he had to be sent for monitoring and pricked on his little heel every 4 hourly to monitor his blood sugar level. also had to do more tests compared to a baby born after 37 weeks.
Right now, I've completed almost 3 weeks of confinement. This round, my confinement is DIY. It's tougher than the first for sure. my first born is generally sweet and loving, but has her moments of meltdowns which is totally normal in this transition from being the only child. I feel bad for the times i lost my patience with her. she behaves mischievously deliberately in an attempt to seek attention, sigh. Praying for grace, patience and joy to manage this.
To be honest, i don't know how going back to work will turn out. my helper definitely cannot handle these 2 alone. while we've made plans for someone to always be around, i do not know how things will work out in the long term. Perhaps, i really have to leave my job. but we have another financial commitment of a 2nd property (really a leap of faith where the Lord gave me Psalm 84:3 as an assurance of provision) which we purchased on 5 August - will write about this another time. Lord, may you provide abundantly for every situation. we'll never be in lack!
Though my mobility was rather slow and i got tired easily, i was really happy to be home for that week, spending precious one-on-one time with ariel being the newborn arrived. I suspected i was already in early labour during the week. Couldn't sleep at night with general discomfort, and i had what appeared to be diarrhea due to the loosening of cervix muscles.
Back to 8 August (Monday). My amniotic fluid index dipped further, below 3 this time. In addition, my gynae found that i was already 4cm dilated.
So we discussed that it was best to induce labour today.
Well, previously i was also sent off to deliver at a routine gynae check, so this time i was mentally prepared. I didn't mind giving birth on the 8th or 9th (national day), as both were nice dates, haha.
Off i went to the delivery suites where i was put on antibiotic drip as i was GBS positive again. really hate the blood plug. after 30 mins of the drip, a medical officer came in to break my water bag at about 10am. thereafter, i was plugged up for oxytocin.
the contractions started progressing til it was about 2 mins apart and i relied on the glorious laughing gas for relief and to help me catch some precious winks. honestly, the "high" feeling that the gas gave was really good. Til i was about 5-6cm dilated and i couldn't take the pain, i requested for epidural. helped me relax and within about 30 mins, my dilated went from 6cm to 9cm to my amazement. So the room nurse quickly called my gynae who showed up within 5 minutes, as she was just running clinic downstairs. all throughout labour, i was claiming Bible promises and commanding my body for quick and smooth labour. the quick dilation was really something to be thankful for.
Giving thanks to God, my labour this time was about 5 hours, and Aden Ang Tian Le was born at 1552 with a birth weight of about 2.8kg. My first thought when i saw him: He's so clean! Must have been the coconut juice i was drinking daily to increase the amniotic fluid.
Because Aden was born before full term, he had to be sent for monitoring and pricked on his little heel every 4 hourly to monitor his blood sugar level. also had to do more tests compared to a baby born after 37 weeks.
Right now, I've completed almost 3 weeks of confinement. This round, my confinement is DIY. It's tougher than the first for sure. my first born is generally sweet and loving, but has her moments of meltdowns which is totally normal in this transition from being the only child. I feel bad for the times i lost my patience with her. she behaves mischievously deliberately in an attempt to seek attention, sigh. Praying for grace, patience and joy to manage this.
To be honest, i don't know how going back to work will turn out. my helper definitely cannot handle these 2 alone. while we've made plans for someone to always be around, i do not know how things will work out in the long term. Perhaps, i really have to leave my job. but we have another financial commitment of a 2nd property (really a leap of faith where the Lord gave me Psalm 84:3 as an assurance of provision) which we purchased on 5 August - will write about this another time. Lord, may you provide abundantly for every situation. we'll never be in lack!
Thursday, August 04, 2016
Week 35-36
After 3 consecutive visits of low amniotic fluid, I wasn't sure whether to expect it to rise at my latest visit on 1 August.
I drank coconut juice and lots of water everyday. But it was still at a low of 4.7.
Otherwise, baby's growth and heartbeat were normal.
I've done so many scans and monitoring this round until i was wearied. Not counting the private-rate charges that come with these investigations!
Another thing was - my cervix was already 2cm dilated.
Means i would likely have to go into pre-term labour.
Doctor ordered for me to have 2 steroid jabs on the thigh which were super painful... and 1 week of hospitalization leave to rest at home.
I'll need to induce the baby out next week if contractions don't take place naturally anytime this week.
People say every pregnancy is different. Well, this round is really different indeed. such a toll on my body compared to my first. Perhaps the loosening of muscles made my hemorrhoids come back. It is really dreadful. My wrist started to hurt too, and i don't recall straining it.
Well, but i count it all joy with a thankful heart :)
Praying that labour and delivery will be fast and complication-free, in His perfect timing.
Seriously, i do not know what to expect since i was induced for my first pregnancy, and have not experienced the rites of labour progression...
I drank coconut juice and lots of water everyday. But it was still at a low of 4.7.
Otherwise, baby's growth and heartbeat were normal.
I've done so many scans and monitoring this round until i was wearied. Not counting the private-rate charges that come with these investigations!
Another thing was - my cervix was already 2cm dilated.
Means i would likely have to go into pre-term labour.
Doctor ordered for me to have 2 steroid jabs on the thigh which were super painful... and 1 week of hospitalization leave to rest at home.
I'll need to induce the baby out next week if contractions don't take place naturally anytime this week.
People say every pregnancy is different. Well, this round is really different indeed. such a toll on my body compared to my first. Perhaps the loosening of muscles made my hemorrhoids come back. It is really dreadful. My wrist started to hurt too, and i don't recall straining it.
Well, but i count it all joy with a thankful heart :)
Praying that labour and delivery will be fast and complication-free, in His perfect timing.
Seriously, i do not know what to expect since i was induced for my first pregnancy, and have not experienced the rites of labour progression...
Week 35-36
After 3 consecutive visits of low amniotic fluid, I wasn't sure whether to expect it to rise at my latest visit on 1 August.
I drank coconut juice and lots of water everyday. But it was still at a low of 4.7.
Otherwise, baby's growth and heartbeat were already.
I've done so many scans and monitoring this round until i was wearied. Not counting the private-rate charges that come with these investigations!
Another thing was - my cervix was already 2cm dilated.
Means i would likely have to go into pre-term labour.
Doctor ordered for me to have 2 steroid jabs on the thigh which were super painful... and 1 week of hospitalization leave to rest at home.
I'll need to induce the baby out next week if contractions don't take place naturally anytime this week.
People say every pregnancy is different. Well, this round is really different indeed. such a toll on my body compared to my first. Perhaps the loosening of muscles made my hemorrhoids come back. It is really dreadful. My wrist started to hurt too, and i don't recall straining it.
Well, but i count it all joy with a thankful heart :)
Praying that labour and delivery will be fast and complication-free, in His perfect timing.
Seriously, i do not know what to expect since i was induced for my first pregnancy, and have not experienced the rites of labour progression...
I drank coconut juice and lots of water everyday. But it was still at a low of 4.7.
Otherwise, baby's growth and heartbeat were already.
I've done so many scans and monitoring this round until i was wearied. Not counting the private-rate charges that come with these investigations!
Another thing was - my cervix was already 2cm dilated.
Means i would likely have to go into pre-term labour.
Doctor ordered for me to have 2 steroid jabs on the thigh which were super painful... and 1 week of hospitalization leave to rest at home.
I'll need to induce the baby out next week if contractions don't take place naturally anytime this week.
People say every pregnancy is different. Well, this round is really different indeed. such a toll on my body compared to my first. Perhaps the loosening of muscles made my hemorrhoids come back. It is really dreadful. My wrist started to hurt too, and i don't recall straining it.
Well, but i count it all joy with a thankful heart :)
Praying that labour and delivery will be fast and complication-free, in His perfect timing.
Seriously, i do not know what to expect since i was induced for my first pregnancy, and have not experienced the rites of labour progression...
Monday, July 11, 2016
Updates at week 33
Went for my growth scan before my routine appointment today.
Good news was the placenta has moved up and normal delivery is possible. Praise God for that.
The bad news was my amniotic fluid index was at a low of 5.2.
This was a deja vu moment. When i had ariel, i was sent off to give birth once a low AFI was detected at week 37.
i told myself - i cannot be sent to deliver at week 33! moment of anxiety..
Nevertheless, my gynae sent me for further tests to monitor the baby's heartbeat, and also some vaginal examination which she pulled out a bloody swab and said i wasn't leaking (thank God).
Thank God that the baby's heartbeat was normal too and i could go home. What a sweet relief. I'll have to see her next week and the AFI should rise. so i'm taking my friend's advice to drink coconut water. one coconut a day!
Seriously, childbearing is no walk in the park. I had a relatively smooth experience the first time, and expected the same this time. But this time i had so many tests to do, a few scares.. hence, i don't think i have the capacity to handle one more pregnancy. especially when age is catching up.
Ariel has been a little clingy these days too. Last friday was my birthday and she requested to skip school so i obliged. We had a nice brunch at a quiet cafe followed by the afternoon at river safari. today, she wanted to skip school again. cried and refused to let me go in the classroom. Sigh. Thankfully the teacher could pry her away and calm her down a bit. I guess there were also changes to her teachers which led to her being unsettled. both her form teacher and chinese teacher were let go because they failed to pass some MOE test. very sad. they were both very well loved.
Look at her miserable face when being carried to the classroom. Haha
Look at her miserable face when being carried to the classroom. Haha
Covering my firstborn in much prayers that the transition to a new sibling would be smooth. Indeed, the Lord is sovereign in every situation!
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
On leave again!
I haven't even given birth yet, but here I am on leave again.
Just felt tired of work, and since there're no meetings today, i took the day off.
I'm only about 5.5 months currently, but I feel like I'm already developing last trimester syndromes. Argh.
Feel tingling at the toes (liken to the water retention feeling), quite bad lower back pain, sit on the floor got difficulty standing up, bend down a bit become breathless. Oh no! What's happening to me! I'm also not very big? I think I've gained about 5kg since the start. And i'm constantly tired, even though the 2nd trimester is supposed to be the "glowing" phase of pregnancy?
I envy my neighbour, who received a golden handshake from the bank. She is well remunerated for a year, and decided to be at home with the kids. Barely half a year has passed, but she yearns to go back to work. I guess there are always two sides of the coin.
If we women weren't so educated, we'll find more contentment looking after the kids and the house as a primary role rather than being out at the marketplace for a pay cheque? While i take delight thinking about being home with the kids, i also gotta bear reality in mind. Firstly, being able to earn an income is wonderful. You'll feel less restriction in your spending and can afford treats for your kids and self. i dont really have to think twice when I feel like buying something for my girl. Secondly, the social life. At work, i look forward to lunch breaks with close colleagues, chatting about work and life encounters. This will probably all be lost or greatly minimized.
What should our choices be? i want to be led by my heart and not have regrets down the road. Hope i can hit a win-win situation somehow. With the Lord, His plans are the greatest. Pls direct me to the best path.
There was a hfmd scare in ariel's class! Her partner (whom she holds hands with) got it and was in school during the contagious period for 2 or 3 days. another 2 playmates in their "gang" have already caught it.
i was so so concerned about ariel getting it, especially so because I am pregnant, and hfmd is known to cause still birth and complications. what to do but pray for divine protection and health? rounded up some trusted friends to pray for her, and i felt such overwhelming peace! cries and petitions to Heaven are simply wonderful. The Lord hears and the Lord cares. i still kept ariel at home yesterday as a precaution. But since she was all well and about, i decided to send her for class today. Moreover, she was rather destructive at home yesterday. Haha. Toddlers have too much energy!
Just felt tired of work, and since there're no meetings today, i took the day off.
I'm only about 5.5 months currently, but I feel like I'm already developing last trimester syndromes. Argh.
Feel tingling at the toes (liken to the water retention feeling), quite bad lower back pain, sit on the floor got difficulty standing up, bend down a bit become breathless. Oh no! What's happening to me! I'm also not very big? I think I've gained about 5kg since the start. And i'm constantly tired, even though the 2nd trimester is supposed to be the "glowing" phase of pregnancy?
I envy my neighbour, who received a golden handshake from the bank. She is well remunerated for a year, and decided to be at home with the kids. Barely half a year has passed, but she yearns to go back to work. I guess there are always two sides of the coin.
If we women weren't so educated, we'll find more contentment looking after the kids and the house as a primary role rather than being out at the marketplace for a pay cheque? While i take delight thinking about being home with the kids, i also gotta bear reality in mind. Firstly, being able to earn an income is wonderful. You'll feel less restriction in your spending and can afford treats for your kids and self. i dont really have to think twice when I feel like buying something for my girl. Secondly, the social life. At work, i look forward to lunch breaks with close colleagues, chatting about work and life encounters. This will probably all be lost or greatly minimized.
What should our choices be? i want to be led by my heart and not have regrets down the road. Hope i can hit a win-win situation somehow. With the Lord, His plans are the greatest. Pls direct me to the best path.
There was a hfmd scare in ariel's class! Her partner (whom she holds hands with) got it and was in school during the contagious period for 2 or 3 days. another 2 playmates in their "gang" have already caught it.
i was so so concerned about ariel getting it, especially so because I am pregnant, and hfmd is known to cause still birth and complications. what to do but pray for divine protection and health? rounded up some trusted friends to pray for her, and i felt such overwhelming peace! cries and petitions to Heaven are simply wonderful. The Lord hears and the Lord cares. i still kept ariel at home yesterday as a precaution. But since she was all well and about, i decided to send her for class today. Moreover, she was rather destructive at home yesterday. Haha. Toddlers have too much energy!
Friday, April 22, 2016
21 weeks now
On Monday i had my gynae visit.
It was the LONGEST experience I've ever had at KKH for an outpatient visit! Spent 4.5 hours at the hospital and exited the carpark with a shocking carpark fee of $11.68.
I had the 20-week detailed scan. Not sure if it was a technician's competency or an uncooperative baby - but I had to go in and out several times, seeing different sonographers each time, until they got a satisfactory image of the whatever they had to check.
count the waiting time between each room, the aloofness of the service associates (ah, you are just another number waiting in the queue), the back and forth, the waiting again to see the doctor because I was 1.5 hours late for my dr's appointment due to the incompleteness of the scan... This summed up to be the most frustrating experience I've ever had.
I was even late in sending ariel to school and had to call my dad for help because I couldn't make it in time.
I've never been so delayed from all my experiences at KKH before. I'm not a subsidised patient who should get used to a longer waiting time due to the sheer load. Sigh, my colleague encouraged me to give a feedback, but it was probably just a bad day and I left it as that.
Well, some not-so-good news.
First, i have to go for an oral glucose tolerance test to rule out gestational diabetes. What a bummer, i didn't have to do this when expecting ariel!
Secondly, I have a low placenta this round and it could mean i'll have to undergo and caesarean if it doesn't move up. Have to minimise carrying ariel :(
Thirdly, i have to go for another detailed scan to monitor the growth. Never had to do this with ariel too.
Can't help but feel concerned and fed up with the situation.
Ok lastly, the gender is out. I'm carrying a baby boy.
Ending this post with a cute picture of ariel. Always proud of my baby girl!
It was the LONGEST experience I've ever had at KKH for an outpatient visit! Spent 4.5 hours at the hospital and exited the carpark with a shocking carpark fee of $11.68.
I had the 20-week detailed scan. Not sure if it was a technician's competency or an uncooperative baby - but I had to go in and out several times, seeing different sonographers each time, until they got a satisfactory image of the whatever they had to check.
count the waiting time between each room, the aloofness of the service associates (ah, you are just another number waiting in the queue), the back and forth, the waiting again to see the doctor because I was 1.5 hours late for my dr's appointment due to the incompleteness of the scan... This summed up to be the most frustrating experience I've ever had.
I was even late in sending ariel to school and had to call my dad for help because I couldn't make it in time.
I've never been so delayed from all my experiences at KKH before. I'm not a subsidised patient who should get used to a longer waiting time due to the sheer load. Sigh, my colleague encouraged me to give a feedback, but it was probably just a bad day and I left it as that.
Well, some not-so-good news.
First, i have to go for an oral glucose tolerance test to rule out gestational diabetes. What a bummer, i didn't have to do this when expecting ariel!
Secondly, I have a low placenta this round and it could mean i'll have to undergo and caesarean if it doesn't move up. Have to minimise carrying ariel :(
Thirdly, i have to go for another detailed scan to monitor the growth. Never had to do this with ariel too.
Can't help but feel concerned and fed up with the situation.
Ok lastly, the gender is out. I'm carrying a baby boy.
Ending this post with a cute picture of ariel. Always proud of my baby girl!
Thursday, April 07, 2016
Time and Seasons
The first quarter of the year is gone.
It wasn't very smooth sailing as I was constantly bothered with nausea, tiredness, bloatedness, indigestion, episodes of URTI, insomia, even gastric pains... Yes, the first trimester was dreadful. That's finally over and I am now 19 weeks pregnant.
So, this is my 3rd pregnancy. And i am highly inclined to stop at 2 children.
Occasionally, i like to browse my old posts and photos and reminisce Ariel's younger days. Indeed, a smooth pregnancy and delivery and a healthy child is really a blessing and miracle from the good Lord.
I couldn't help but be pessimistic and think about the possible worse-case scenarios for this pregnancy. Didn't feel so much anticipation. Perhaps the miscarriage experience got to me. But this little one is determined. I felt fetal movements very early this time. I just pray for God's covering and that this child would be so perfect like my little ariel :)
Another transition that I'm grappling with is a new helper. The helper of 2 years has left. Ariel has gone through 3 caregivers since she was born. This time, it threw her off balance because she had more understanding & memories of the one who looked after her from 1-3 years of age.
I'm on a week's leave (enjoying it very very much) to ease the new helper into looking after ariel. Hang in there ariel, mummy will be working for another 4 months and I can be home with you when I start my ML!
I am giving serious thoughts about quitting my job and being a SAHM. Makes it more worthy when I look after 2. Plans are to utilise my ML fully and seek my management's approval for no-pay leave. See if i can get accustomed to such a life, else there's always a job to fall back on. I really do hope that if i pursue the SAHM route, i would be able to find some form of income generation from home.
Well, social life would be a compromise, but the motherly involvement for a child's growing years is something time and money cannot buy... I just have to find ways to continue staying relevant.
Proverbs 3
It wasn't very smooth sailing as I was constantly bothered with nausea, tiredness, bloatedness, indigestion, episodes of URTI, insomia, even gastric pains... Yes, the first trimester was dreadful. That's finally over and I am now 19 weeks pregnant.
So, this is my 3rd pregnancy. And i am highly inclined to stop at 2 children.
Occasionally, i like to browse my old posts and photos and reminisce Ariel's younger days. Indeed, a smooth pregnancy and delivery and a healthy child is really a blessing and miracle from the good Lord.
I couldn't help but be pessimistic and think about the possible worse-case scenarios for this pregnancy. Didn't feel so much anticipation. Perhaps the miscarriage experience got to me. But this little one is determined. I felt fetal movements very early this time. I just pray for God's covering and that this child would be so perfect like my little ariel :)
Another transition that I'm grappling with is a new helper. The helper of 2 years has left. Ariel has gone through 3 caregivers since she was born. This time, it threw her off balance because she had more understanding & memories of the one who looked after her from 1-3 years of age.
I'm on a week's leave (enjoying it very very much) to ease the new helper into looking after ariel. Hang in there ariel, mummy will be working for another 4 months and I can be home with you when I start my ML!
I am giving serious thoughts about quitting my job and being a SAHM. Makes it more worthy when I look after 2. Plans are to utilise my ML fully and seek my management's approval for no-pay leave. See if i can get accustomed to such a life, else there's always a job to fall back on. I really do hope that if i pursue the SAHM route, i would be able to find some form of income generation from home.
Well, social life would be a compromise, but the motherly involvement for a child's growing years is something time and money cannot buy... I just have to find ways to continue staying relevant.
Proverbs 3
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
6in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
My happy pill :) :) :)
Wednesday, February 03, 2016
1 Feb - Ariel turns 3!
My little darling turned 3 on Monday, 1 Feb.
Andrew and I took the day off. We brought her for ice cream at Swensen's before her class followed by a celebration in school.
Had a simple celebration at her kindergarten :)
We had to search for an egg-free and gluten-free cake! Eventually found a simple Tofu chiffon which the kids could enjoy.
Rounded off the day with dinner at Saveur. Ariel loves the saveur pasta and could finish one serving on her own! nice fare at an affordable price.
Prayed for her steps to always be guided by the Lord. for her little hands and little feet to do good works and go high places.
We are also praying and believing for a new home. Over the weekend, the senior pastor, zone pastor and guest speaker all gave a word about overcrowding and expansion of territory. And I felt it was a confirmation for us to have a bigger space of our own. God also gave me a vision of milky cream and honey - all signifying abundance in the Bible. Gonna hold steadfast to His promises which are Yes and Amen and believe for miracles and provision this year!
Andrew and I took the day off. We brought her for ice cream at Swensen's before her class followed by a celebration in school.
We had to search for an egg-free and gluten-free cake! Eventually found a simple Tofu chiffon which the kids could enjoy.
Prayed for her steps to always be guided by the Lord. for her little hands and little feet to do good works and go high places.
We are also praying and believing for a new home. Over the weekend, the senior pastor, zone pastor and guest speaker all gave a word about overcrowding and expansion of territory. And I felt it was a confirmation for us to have a bigger space of our own. God also gave me a vision of milky cream and honey - all signifying abundance in the Bible. Gonna hold steadfast to His promises which are Yes and Amen and believe for miracles and provision this year!
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
New year, new things
Milestone for my baby Ariel!
She began school proper (Nursery 1) on 4 January 2016 at St. Hilda's Kindergarten at 35 months old.
I am so thankful for a place in this school, and particularly this class.
This school has a reputation of preparing kids well for Primary school, coupled with a solid Mandarin curriculum.
Ariel displayed some slight separation anxiety, but that is very normal for a first week or two. Overall, she assimilated well and I have MyGym to thank. Money well spent on a good playgroup for introduction to independence.
I'm also so proud of her for going diaper-less from her first day at class!
Generally, her class comprised of kids born in the earlier part of the year, so their progress and speed of learning was quite matched. I'm also secretly pleased when I picked her one day, her class teacher called her Xiao Lao Shi (Little Teacher). Yet to asked why though. But i take it as a positive comment, haha.
She's learning well and started singing Mandarin songs at home. really thankful to God for leading me to this school, for the favour of putting her in a well fitting class, and also getting to know a nice supportive group of mummies from her class. All things have turned out well.
Love my baby so so much!
*Nowadays she likes to say, I'm not a baby, I'm a girl :D
She began school proper (Nursery 1) on 4 January 2016 at St. Hilda's Kindergarten at 35 months old.
I am so thankful for a place in this school, and particularly this class.
This school has a reputation of preparing kids well for Primary school, coupled with a solid Mandarin curriculum.
Ariel displayed some slight separation anxiety, but that is very normal for a first week or two. Overall, she assimilated well and I have MyGym to thank. Money well spent on a good playgroup for introduction to independence.
I'm also so proud of her for going diaper-less from her first day at class!
Generally, her class comprised of kids born in the earlier part of the year, so their progress and speed of learning was quite matched. I'm also secretly pleased when I picked her one day, her class teacher called her Xiao Lao Shi (Little Teacher). Yet to asked why though. But i take it as a positive comment, haha.
She's learning well and started singing Mandarin songs at home. really thankful to God for leading me to this school, for the favour of putting her in a well fitting class, and also getting to know a nice supportive group of mummies from her class. All things have turned out well.
Love my baby so so much!
*Nowadays she likes to say, I'm not a baby, I'm a girl :D
Saturday, December 26, 2015
Merry Christmas!
My cute baby all wrapped up playing at the Snow Playground at this year's Christmas Wonderland. A hefty $12 for 30 minutes of snow (or rather, ice) play. We took the last session at 10.15pm and there were only 5 kids, as opposed to 25 in the earlier sessions. And they kindly stretched the end time so Ariel had about 50 mins of play :)
December was a sweet month to end the year.
Had house-warmings, outings, hotel buffet, gatherings.
Lots of quality time with my little one too! Although i wished we could have had more.
My ariel told me she wants me to look after her (and not the helper).
Yesterday morning, she woke up crying and saying - Mummy don't go to work.
I don't think the helper has done anything to scare my child. but which child wouldn't want her dearest kin to be the one caring for her, right.
Looking back at my childhood, there was a painful moment of me clinging onto my mother's leg as we walked along the corridor to send her off to the airport for an overseas trip.
My mother is a high achiever. While i acknowledge that she has done her best to love and raise us, i wouldn't have minded more time with her.
So that's what i wish to give my own daughter now. even better if i could cast financial concerns aside and raise her myself. But i know finances will get stretched and there are so many opportunity costs.
Recently I read a very simple book about following your heart's song. So touching and so fitting. takes courage and bravery to follow your heart, especially in a pragmatic world like ours. But then again, we only have one life and life is short.
Feeling so burdened by thoughts again. Why am i so melancholic :(
My cute baby all wrapped up playing at the Snow Playground at this year's Christmas Wonderland. A hefty $12 for 30 minutes of snow (or rather, ice) play. We took the last session at 10.15pm and there were only 5 kids, as opposed to 25 in the earlier sessions. And they kindly stretched the end time so Ariel had about 50 mins of play :)
December was a sweet month to end the year.
Had house-warmings, outings, hotel buffet, gatherings.
Lots of quality time with my little one too! Although i wished we could have had more.
My ariel told me she wants me to look after her (and not the helper).
Yesterday morning, she woke up crying and saying - Mummy don't go to work.
I don't think the helper has done anything to scare my child. but which child wouldn't want her dearest kin to be the one caring for her, right.
Looking back at my childhood, there was a painful moment of me clinging onto my mother's leg as we walked along the corridor to send her off to the airport for an overseas trip.
My mother is a high achiever. While i acknowledge that she has done her best to love and raise us, i wouldn't have minded more time with her.
So that's what i wish to give my own daughter now. even better if i could cast financial concerns aside and raise her myself. But i know finances will get stretched and there are so many opportunity costs.
Recently I read a very simple book about following your heart's song. So touching and so fitting. takes courage and bravery to follow your heart, especially in a pragmatic world like ours. But then again, we only have one life and life is short.
Feeling so burdened by thoughts again. Why am i so melancholic :(
Sunday, December 06, 2015
Memories
A happy memory 1 year ago when we were in Japan.
Sadly, I have not stepped beyond Singapore and Malaysia since then.
December draws a close to yet another year that has passed so quickly. I failed to update my blog for 2 months! although it lingered in my thoughts to, but time kept me busy, and whatever spare time I had was wasted on indolent browsing of social media for trivia titbits. I even failed to read books. Tsk to myself.
Life must be more than this! After being so driven while doing my masters and coping with the hustle of newborn-caregiving, I really took it easy and laid back - maybe too comfortably back. Oops.
So, instead of napping on this beautiful rainy afternoon, I decided to come to this space to recollect and do some looking ahead.
A major event that took place was the verdict and the sentencing of those involved in the City Harvest trial. The church is close to my heart. I spent my entire youth there. It has made a big difference in society, even patients at my workplace who do not attend the church has expressed gratitude to the community support it has provided. It was sad to learn of the conviction. my prayers go out to the many whose lives are intertwined with all that has happened.
My work has been smooth. It isn't exactly demanding, neither does it pay poorly. But of late, I am giving some serious thoughts about the caregiving of my child. I always wonder, why give birth to a child for someone else to look after? if I could get my income and still be the primary caregiver of my child, it would be the best.
Everyday when I view the wireless monitor from work, I see my daughter wasting away in front of the television. I see a helper taking her nap while my daughter gets glued on the tube. I don't blame anyone or anything. after all, it is the expectations of life that made us choose decisions to such an outcome. I yearn to be there for my daughter at her waking and sleeping; and still maintain some social contact and income generation. i am afraid of giving up my job for the years I have committed myself to and the benefits it brings. This current helper's 2year contract would also be coming to an end in April and she has declared that she wouldn't be staying on. I do wonder hard what the road ahead beckons.
Lord, I am so troubled. Please let me have a Word for peace to my soul.
There was a testimony that stayed ingrained in my thoughts recently. A south indian pastor's wife had an opportunity to work in National University Hospital. he came along, answering the call to do God's mission in Singapore. he managed to get connected to a church and started a thriving Telugu fellowship, ministering to many Indian workers in Singapore. Life was hard in Singapore with the costs of living and their income could barely meet ends He struggled with this and told God to send him back to his home country. God told him, I sent you here not to get rich, but to make rich peoples' soul. He heard this and felt tremendous peace. I related to him, peace that surpasses all understanding. Just a precious Word to affirm what we are here for. Peace.
John 14:27. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Lord, be a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path. Selah
December draws a close to yet another year that has passed so quickly. I failed to update my blog for 2 months! although it lingered in my thoughts to, but time kept me busy, and whatever spare time I had was wasted on indolent browsing of social media for trivia titbits. I even failed to read books. Tsk to myself.
Life must be more than this! After being so driven while doing my masters and coping with the hustle of newborn-caregiving, I really took it easy and laid back - maybe too comfortably back. Oops.
So, instead of napping on this beautiful rainy afternoon, I decided to come to this space to recollect and do some looking ahead.
A major event that took place was the verdict and the sentencing of those involved in the City Harvest trial. The church is close to my heart. I spent my entire youth there. It has made a big difference in society, even patients at my workplace who do not attend the church has expressed gratitude to the community support it has provided. It was sad to learn of the conviction. my prayers go out to the many whose lives are intertwined with all that has happened.
My work has been smooth. It isn't exactly demanding, neither does it pay poorly. But of late, I am giving some serious thoughts about the caregiving of my child. I always wonder, why give birth to a child for someone else to look after? if I could get my income and still be the primary caregiver of my child, it would be the best.
Everyday when I view the wireless monitor from work, I see my daughter wasting away in front of the television. I see a helper taking her nap while my daughter gets glued on the tube. I don't blame anyone or anything. after all, it is the expectations of life that made us choose decisions to such an outcome. I yearn to be there for my daughter at her waking and sleeping; and still maintain some social contact and income generation. i am afraid of giving up my job for the years I have committed myself to and the benefits it brings. This current helper's 2year contract would also be coming to an end in April and she has declared that she wouldn't be staying on. I do wonder hard what the road ahead beckons.
Lord, I am so troubled. Please let me have a Word for peace to my soul.
There was a testimony that stayed ingrained in my thoughts recently. A south indian pastor's wife had an opportunity to work in National University Hospital. he came along, answering the call to do God's mission in Singapore. he managed to get connected to a church and started a thriving Telugu fellowship, ministering to many Indian workers in Singapore. Life was hard in Singapore with the costs of living and their income could barely meet ends He struggled with this and told God to send him back to his home country. God told him, I sent you here not to get rich, but to make rich peoples' soul. He heard this and felt tremendous peace. I related to him, peace that surpasses all understanding. Just a precious Word to affirm what we are here for. Peace.
John 14:27. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Lord, be a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path. Selah
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Mourning the loss of my green care bear
I'm hardly sentimental, but there is one plush toy that holds a special place in my heart.
This small green care bear has been with me for 6-7 years.
It has gone through some milestones with me in adulthood.
When i got my home, when i got married, when i took on my masters, when i got pregnant, when i gave birth to my first child.
And i gave it to Ariel and she adored it, calling it baby green bear.
But a child being a child, she had her inattentive moments - and baby green bear went through a few missing scares.
There was one time, the baby green bear got lost after a walk. I thought it'd be gone forever. After backtracking our path, it was miraculously found. Thank God!
This afternoon's trip to Hard Rock Cafe at RWS was the last time i saw her. I recall the bear sitting on ariel's lap during lunch. I cannot recall it being with us when we went to the SEA aquarium thereafter.
When we got home, ariel asked for baby green bear after dinner and we realised it was no longer in the bag. I had a dreadful feeling that it's already lost.
We called Hard Rock Cafe and SEA aquarium, nothing found. I even personally went back to Hard Rock Cafe but it wasn't there anymore. All possible places were checked...
i don't know why, but i am feeling such an extreme grief of loss now. I could even cry.
Now, i only have photos to reminisce baby green bear. I hope you are in a better place, green bear. thank you for the memories...
This small green care bear has been with me for 6-7 years.
It has gone through some milestones with me in adulthood.
When i got my home, when i got married, when i took on my masters, when i got pregnant, when i gave birth to my first child.
And i gave it to Ariel and she adored it, calling it baby green bear.
But a child being a child, she had her inattentive moments - and baby green bear went through a few missing scares.
There was one time, the baby green bear got lost after a walk. I thought it'd be gone forever. After backtracking our path, it was miraculously found. Thank God!
This afternoon's trip to Hard Rock Cafe at RWS was the last time i saw her. I recall the bear sitting on ariel's lap during lunch. I cannot recall it being with us when we went to the SEA aquarium thereafter.
When we got home, ariel asked for baby green bear after dinner and we realised it was no longer in the bag. I had a dreadful feeling that it's already lost.
We called Hard Rock Cafe and SEA aquarium, nothing found. I even personally went back to Hard Rock Cafe but it wasn't there anymore. All possible places were checked...
i don't know why, but i am feeling such an extreme grief of loss now. I could even cry.
Now, i only have photos to reminisce baby green bear. I hope you are in a better place, green bear. thank you for the memories...
