My little mountain [flower]

Cora's seventh birthday was last month.  It seems so long ago.  I have a hard time finding a way to write my observations of Cora without the word "effusive" coming to mind.  Gushing would also suffice.

Parenting can be like that, in my experience.  I could be having a conversation with you and listening to the great things your kids are doing but deep down I really don't care about the specific achievements of your child.  What I do relish is sharing the experience.  I like listening to the wonder and awe of parents who are gobsmacked watching their children unfold into fully formed human beings.

Let me see if I can illustrate this another way.  There are mountains all over this planet.  I have seen a few of them, but they are essentially all the same.  But if I was listening to you tell me a story about climbing a mountain it would be the trials and victories that you encountered that would interested me.  The mountain is background to the story.

I say all of this because, just like a mountain, my daughter is impressive and complex and tricky and growing inch by inch every year.  Anyone can see that.  There are other daughters in the world, but this one has been given to me and she is my toughest challenge.   To carry the metaphor further, it is nice to sit back once in a while and see how far we have come.  The skinned knees and missteps all seem trivial at this point.

Currently listening to: Birdy - Birdy

150 Calories per serving

Gabe:  Pfffffffft
..
Gabe:  oooooh  Pfthttt
...
Gabe:  Pshhhfffft  rrrrgggh
....
Gabe:  ewwwww mmmmmrrrggll PFFFFFFt
.....
Mary:  Yes. We get it.  Play Doh does not taste good.  Stop eating it.

process.

I was just watching a video.

The creator was describing the design process.
-The need to be cutting edge
-Experience
-Figuring out where to begin
-Change in scope
-Mistakes
-Late nights

and the last thought was: when it is finally good enough, then I sign my work.

Pride in the final product can be a source of difficulty in design.  It can almost be as bad as apathy.  A job never finished is as bad as a job never started.

I am an engineer.  That describes the process I use to perform my work, more than the designs produced.  The difference between engineering a structure and designing a structure with no calculations or references, is precision.

The trap I fall into is that I focus on what I think the client wants instead of what they actually want, and that gets in the way of delivering a successful result.

Other times a client views my completed work as a failure because it doesn't match what they think they wanted (precision) and I gave them what they needed (safety, clarity, and economy).  I have declared to many people that good design does not need to be explained, but it does if it does not meet a client's expectations.  And that is fine with me, because an engineer should be able to explain to you his or her design and decision making process.  If not, then you should go find another engineer.

That sort of transparency is what you should be looking for in any consultancy relationship.  Because it is just that:  a relationship.  The client is not a slave to the engineer's decisions and the engineer is not a slave to the client's expectation.

I would love to tell you that I am a slave to my own expectations.  The truth is that I am a slave to the fear of not meeting my expectations.  The prospect of failure is somehow more terrifying than actually failing.  Maturity in design is not about passion or insight, because there are many young brilliant engineers with those qualities.  It is about the grind.  It is about getting on with the work and not letting anything stop you from finding a solution, not even yourself.

Currently listening to:  Gossling - Intentional Living EP

Echoes of Olive

My friend Shawna reminded me of a poem I wrote in 2005.  I had forgotten all about it.

I don't think it stands out in philosophical or romantic value, but it does remind me of how much I loved having a dog.

------

evening sky
dark and grey
go away
and bring the clean
black night with
its starry gleam

crowded highway
with engines racing
heavy hearts grip
the wheel and hold
their burdens close
minds heavy with
chances lost and
youth they've sold

overlapping houses
disjointed tenants
blue light through windows
from watching their shows
not aware of the others
sharing the same
only next door

me in a field
under the pinpoint canopy
feeling very small
from the space around me
listening for the rhythm
of running dog paws
circling around
she has never lost
this feeling which
I have just found

10.13.05
-jmo