Happyness

365 can never be one

They said a year is always too long

To leave the town or say goodbye

Nanny whines 365 times

Missing grandpa in solitary zone

Like jellybeans and candy cane

You are colorful and at times

Soft hearted but tough minded

My friend this year and 365 days have been great

So oh oh oh how can 365 ever be one

It’s just never enough

To bottle up our tears

And frame up those faces

Unlike fairytales and happily ever afters

Like the cookies we finish anyway

They are short and expires

But you kept us well preserved

So it came once I wanna write a book

I gave myself a year to realize my ignorance

Ambitious dreams and visions

you always hit me into reality fatal

cupcakes making pillow fighting

best friends forever passing love letters

we were never in the same classroom

but I can so imagine you drooling on the table

So oh oh oh how can 365 ever be one

It’s just never enough

To bottle up our tears

And frame up those faces

Unlike fairytales and happily ever afters

Like the cookies we finish anyway

They are short and expires

But you kept us well preserved

Oh when I turn on the radio I wanna dedicate a song to you

But I’m stuck at which one to choose

So the deejay told me to say a few words

“santa claus don’t mess up my friend her name is ______”

I cleared my throat and sang

So oh oh oh how can 365 ever be one

It’s just never enough

To bottle up our tears

And frame up those faces

Unlike fairytales and happily ever afters

Like the cookies we finish anyway

They are short and expires

But you kept us well preserved

So thank you for this year

And next year and every year

Cuz 365days are never enough to tell my tales

X

the first song i ever wrote, to the first friend and possibly last, that will touch my heart like nobody does. Even though things have change, (And you won't see this), i still love you. I just don't know what i can do. Maybe i know, i'm just unwilling to leave this comfort behind.

the first song i ever wrote, that needs to be filled in with a tune. but i have never found the courage to ask anyone.

comeback

I'm coming back to this space which i guess no one will ever visit again because i've been updating at lj instead of blogger. but i just thought that i should have a place for me to pen down things i wanna say.

people write the things they can't say right? and things they cannot let people know. or will not.

i've been looking through photos of this girl, who perhaps have walked the same road as me about 2 years ago when she was 15. Just that now, the same person we are dealing with has changed. and is still constantly changing.

it is difficult to live with someone else's past isn't it? even thinking about it makes me quiver. I always thought that, who you were wouldn't matter so long as it all happened in the past. But it doesn't seem easy as i thought it would be. the past shouldn't matter yes, but it does get in the way sometimes. I am afraid to embrace it all, to embrace you. and many times i wonder, am i gonna carry these secrets with the rest of my life? I know it's impossible to tell anyone. but it just amazes me that i am actually the one, and the only one who knows all these secrets and obligated to shut my mouth. It's just, too horrible. And it's even worse for you, and them. People who have gone through difficult times in their life.

Difficult times when they were looking for what they wanted; attention, identity, popularity, acceptance, all sorts of things that usually gets you in secondary school or even in college. People don't know who they are, they don't know who they belong to, they don't know what to do, and they make mistakes. Irreversible ones i must say, but most of the time, the path winds down their life and they find it hard to end it all. It's painful to end something painful, because thereafter what you face is going to be your worst nightmare.

I've always thought about you, and them, these people who have no idea about what kind of life they should be living. They want to be accepted so much they'd do anything. and when confronted, they decline they reject whatever you say because you are right. They are proud while insecurity eats on the inside of them, feeding on their energy, pride, esteem, respect, they lose all these in exchange for a non existent identity they thought they'd discover.

I wanna help them, but is there a way if they won't let me in? what can i do?

and on the other hand, yes i am confused. I cannot be loyal to two masters, but i have been thinking about my wrong decisions, if i should put it to an end and get back to my life before all the drama happened, or should i continue to walk this road to help these people?

More often than not, "help" only appears in the realm of thoughts. In reality, most, even myself, do things for the benefit of thyself.

and for that, i salute Life; you twist the hell out of us.

Revamp

posted at LJ today instead. Cos grassglass is getting so unkempt and ugly I MUST REVAMP IT SOOOON or i will not blog here -.-

boring

my blog is omg boring. soooo boring.

i haven't taken pictures in a gazillion years.

i haven't had a all-girls/bestie outing in a gazillion years too.

happy birthday Shan; thank you for your love. i can't say much cos there's too much to say, but you're really THE most wonderful woman i've met in my life. It would have been impossible if not for you. Thank you. & i'm sorry.

tomorrow is Labour Day. Mummy is working -.- Dad is going Malaysia with his friends for 3 days to fish. And i'll be alone again, with big aunty bugging me with the pain. D:

at least until Quek comes with the dvds!

tell me i still can be this happy

D:

big aunty come alreadyyyyyyyy.

D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D:

anticipation

i brought my mega maxi uber long 40cm absorber to school anticipating my dearest Big Aunty to come.

It was suppose to visit me yesterday, cos it did on march the 27th!!!

SHE IS ONE DAY LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

please please don't let it coincide with syf. D:

SIYING HATES MENSES.

COUNTRY B & COUNTRY C

YESTERDAY

i reached PP horribly early and went for breakfast with Quek. After which band practice is self-explanatory i do not have to describe much. The process itself was, fulfilling and fruitful. 11 days to SYF, i was just going through Overture 2 in my head on the way back home and could almost imagine Kelly Tang's eyes on me waiting to see if i played those semi quavers correctly. Sometimes music can be so horribly painful, especially when accuracy and clarity is concerned.

HAPPY 3RD! (wrt yesterday) we went shopping at Wisma. I was desperately in need of retail therapy (in fact anything nice to cover those fats that were dancing because of the body hugging tee i was wearing; i forgot to try it on before bringing it to school) but to my disappointment nothing in f21 caught my eyes. And the queue was long so the idea to purchase something there was quickly dismissed. Next then was Topshop/Topman our alltime favourite. I tried on a few tops but some were so body hugging can literally see my layers of fats dancing D: Some were too baggy. Shoes are nice but not very interesting. So instead, because of my persistence that i MUST get something, i bought two very cute knickers.

I didn't take pictures. Damn gross la to put online. After that we went PS (Gayle's hangout hahaha). If not for the swensens' voucher i have, i don't think i would step into PS. went to Fox and i bought a dress and flip flop YAY! spent $80 and got a pair of movie pass, available for the next 365days, any time, any day, any movie :D good deal riiight.

And then it was dinner. not to forget on the way there on the bus, we just gave each other a hug and this aunty went "this is a public bus you know". IT WAS JUST A QUICK HUG. I replied her "freedom of expression please". Is she jealous that she got no one to hug?!

Stupid act-chio-buey-chio act-cool-buey-cool couple sat beside us. I have no idea why they kept laughing when Quek and i exchange presents. You mean you people don't celebrate anniversaries? Such a pity. I pray that both of you won't lose the spark even though you don't celebrate the love you share and stop laughing at other couple when you're obviously in envy.


Quek did this for me. Damn chio please. Thanks for all the effort! *he slotted msgs behind each photo*
I gave him a Topman tee he wanted hahaha.


TODAY

super suey day please. Went out of the house for church and it started pouring i had to take a cab. After service went off to town to meet Quek. He was practicing for his sister's wedding; he's gonna play two damn sexy songs. I shall describe this boring process because its kinda interesting to me (how ironic)

I alighted at orchard and walked to Shaw house to buy my all-time fav bubble tea. After which i proceeded to walking in the rain to fareast plaza. Whilst crossing the overhead bridge, some weird man looked back and ask me "are you singaporean" i was like "yah". then he said "you look like a foreigner" and i scurried down the escalator faraway from the weirdo. I stood at the busstop waiting for Quek's reply. Then i decided to take the same route, BACK to Wheelock. I went borders and browse through magazines and i bought a cute pencil case!


Walked back to fareast AGAIN, this time with Quek. I told him bout the weird man incident and i shouldn't divulge what he said. but, the summary being I LOOK LIKE AN INDONESIAN MAID sobxzxzxxz I KNOW I DO I WISH I KNOW HOW TO GET RID OF THE TAN.

We had dinner (?) and went to the salon. This is where the warning begins.

NEVER VISIT THIS SALON EVER AGAIN. I think i shouldn't reveal the name, that'd be very evil of me. But its at level 5? We spent an hour in the shop. It took them 20mins to wash my hair, 30mins to dry it, and 10mins to trim it. WTH.

and the young lady who blew dry my hair, she made it so straight and flat i was immediately nostalgic (in a bad way), of my lower sec days when i had rebonded hair. DAMN LIAN. I totally hated my own reflection. After she finish, another woman came to help me trim my hair and she smelled like so bad the tobacco filled my lungs and i was so repulsed by it. I couldn't concentrate on anything at all as the smell took hold of my senses. IT WAS SO GROSS.

I walked out of the shop feeling like i paid $20 to make myself a Lian, all over again?


THUS, NEVER AGAIN WILL I SET FOOT ON THAT SMELLY SHOP.
because those slow people took 1 hour with our hair, i had to say goodbye to Quek even when it felt like i only met him for 10minutes.

Trip back home was 190 was horrendous as the m**d sitting next to me was singing, horribly off tune. Oh well, freedom of expression!

and it was worse on 975 (yes i take weird bus service no.s home). This is a very sensitive issue but it has been bugging me for a very good number of years. As usual many workers boarded the bus. Usually i will sit at the outside seat because i am afraid that when i alight the bus i would be violated. PLEASE don't say i am overreacting or insensitive or inconsiderate. Try taking 975 and you will know. I know i am not hot or sexy or pretty at all, but it's just a fear, and protection? Usually, country B will not insist on sitting next to you because as mentioned in the papers before, they always try to avoid Singaporeans and keep to themselves, fear of inviting unnecessary trouble and the sense of rejection they might get by merely looking into the eyes of the locals. And i totally respect them, as you know, they don't make alot of noise too on the public transport.

However, a few years ago unfortunately country C has begin to flood our island. As much as i wish to view them as precious possessions to our nation, but A HANDFUL OF SINGAPOREANS ARE UNEMPLOYED AND HUNGRY AND HOMELESS BUT THE G GOES ON HIRING SO MANY FW, CAN SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME THE LOGIC IN THIS?

I've tried hard and long enough and i cannot lie to myself. I don't really fancy them. Even my neighbourhood is affected. I am not a nation-cist (i think). It's just the way they behave, really puts me off. Because this particular person insisted on sitting next to me and i quickly moved off as i was alighting soon. AND IMMEDIATELY HE PUT UP HIS SMELLY FEET AND SHOUTED OUT TO HIS FRIEND INVITINGLY TO SIT NEXT TO HIM. and they laughed, and talked, and laughed.

I reflected and told myself that i MUST learn to act in a civilized manner in public. I mean, there is no need to hide your true self but there is no need too to infringe upon others because of your nonsense.

Let us all have blessed pleasant trips on our public transport.

/

I know, its an uber long post. Very unlike me but i have no idea today i just felt like ranting.

Synopsis of the day : IT SUCKED.

i really want to buy more clothes. F21 SPREEEEEEEEEE!

hold me in your arms