Neither can God.

Hi.  It's been awhile.  I just got off the phone with a good friend.  Usually, talking to this friend brings a whole lotta joy.  But rough stuff is going on.

And as I sat alone, reflecting, a few statements coalesced.

1. I cannot save* my friend.

2. I could love perfectly, know every answer, have the wisdom to navigate every problem, invest all my time, and give everything I have and am, and number one would still be true: I cannot save my friend.

3. Neither can God.  As long as my friend refuses to let Him, neither can God.  .

This third realization bore down on me.  Neither can God.  

I was upset.  No, I was angry.  I am angry.  "Why, God?  You promised power!  I was counting on You!  I trusted You!  And now You tell me that You just CAN'T?"

I cannot.  

That sucks.

Yes.  

It does.  It sucks.  Even as I type tears come to my eyes.  It's sad; we treat God like a catch-all, a safety net, an insurance policy.  We say, "I'm happy just the way I am, thank You, but I'd really like you to keep this and that consequence from occurring.  Thanks."  God isn't like that.  He wants to save* us.  But God doesn't force; He stands at the door and knocks.  He comes in for whosoever opens the door.  God doesn't compel our love.  We have an ugly word for forced love--rape.  God isn't like that.

And so we're stuck with a system that sucks.  God says it sucks.  Read Isaiah (esp. ch. 59).  Read Jeremiah (start with ch. 5).  Read Psalms.  Read Revelation.  Read Genesis.  Read the Gospels, for crying out loud.  It's all throughout the Bible.  God wishes he hadn't created man (Gen. 6:6); Jesus weeps for Lazarus's death and his sisters' unbelief (Jn. 11:35).

This world sucks.  Should we be surprised?  Perhaps that's why John ended Revelation with "Amen; come Lord Jesus."

Yes.  Exactly.  Come Lord Jesus.

But until then, teach me to love without ceasing, knowing that when it comes down to it, I cannot force anyone to accept salvation.


*Biblical definition of save: rescue, restore, make whole, heal.

Another Pass-it-along Internet Challenge

Hello! A good friend of mine, Ben Coder (http://whiteknucklesholdingfast.blogspot.com/), tagged me in a challenge to revive my blog. The rules are thus:

1. Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.
2. Answer he/her 11 questions.
3. Add to these 11 random facts about yourself.
4. Come up with your own 11 questions.
5. Tag (up to) 11 other blogs (with under 200 followers to follow the previous steps).

So here goes...

Thanks, Ben!

1. If you were stuck on a desert island with only 1 song on your iPod, which would you choose?Ulysses by Josh Garrels.
2. What is your favorite drink?
   Water.
3. Aside from English, what languages have you studied?
   American Sign Language, two years.
4. What trip/journey made the biggest impact on your life?
   The year I spent in Malawi, Africa.
5. Introvert or Extrovert?
   Um...depends.
6. Hot or cold weather?
   Cold.
7. Favorite pastime by yourself? With a group?
   By myself is probably writing music; with a group is probably talking.  Actually conversing, I mean; not the usual meaningless chatter.
8. Do you currently own an HP printer
   YES! (Thank you, Ben.)
9. Who do you consider the most despicable fictional character that you have ever encountered?Victor Hugo's Claude Frollo.
10. Who do you consider the most heroic mortal in history?
    Tough. I'ma go with Rosa Parks, though. GUTS, man.
11. Has God ever changed your plans? How?
    YES. Well, the easiest one is the time I thought I was going to college and ended up living in Africa for a year.

And eleven random facts about myself...

1. I cry in movies. And books. And songs.
2. I detest insects and insect-like creatures.
3. I keep three minute stuffed penguins from my childhood on my desk at college.
4. As a rule, I am dreadfully indecisive.
5. I'd far rather have someone disagree with me and be intellectually consistent in their beliefs than support me illogically.
6. The first attribute I look for in a friend is the ability to intuitively understand and take into account the way others are feeling.
7. I secretly fear my human propensity to not do everything perfectly.
8. I let this fear immobilize me.
9. I have a hard time believing that “perfect love casts out fear.” It's easier to believe that love is weak than that it is largely absent from the world...and my own life.
10. I cannot resist cookies.
11. Peanut butter in desserts is pretty much the evil-est thing I know.

And the eleven questions for my nominees...

1. How did you meet your significant other? If you are singl— that is, relationally impaired, tell a story about ants.
2. What does your bedspread look like?
3. Who first inspired you to write?
4. When did death first become personal?
5. Where would you live if you could accomplish your life goals anywhere?  What are those life goals?
6. Upload the picture you are about to draw of a mouse.
7. If you could only share the link to one website you appreciate ever again, and had to do it right now, which would it be?
8. Is it possible to have an existential crisis while listening to polka music?
9. What are your feelings regarding the concept of animal sentience?
10. How soon do you see yourself going absolutely crazy?  Why?
11. Remind us why life is worth living.

Okay. The last one'll be hard, 'cause I don't follow that many blogs... Um, first shall be my almost-brother, Mr. Nicholas Gosney (http://smallasian-nick.blogspot.com/). Then a good friend from Bible college days, Anneliese Wahlman (http://anneliesewahlman.blogspot.com/). Lastly, I nominate...um. I think the rest of my friends who have blogs which I know about have done it...hm. My blog life is apparently rather...empty. Anyhoo! Hope all is well in your worlds!

Hi!  Merry Christmas!  If you're online today, get off and be with your family.  If you have no family, give me a call; I'd love to chat. :)

Two Hours and Five Minutes

After that, I'll be on stage for opening night...hoo boy.

Oh!  For those of you who don't know, I auditioned for the winter quarter play, Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Christmas Carol, and, surprisingly, got Sherlock!  So for two months I've been working 15+ hours a week rehearsing and learning lines (this week was closer to 25...).  I've been working my tail off in preparation for this thing.

And now it's opening night.


Intimidating.  Also exciting.  I'm surprisingly calm, though.  There are slight bits of concern bouncing around, but either they're not overly severe or I'm suppressing them.  I'm trying to assume it's the former.

Acting is interesting.  It's not, for me, so much being who you're not as finding parts of you that are the same as the character you're portraying.  This can be disconcerting.  When I get on stage after finding out I'm the same as the character I'm playing, I feel what the character feels.  I think what the character thinks.  My problems no longer apply or concern me, and the character's are overwhelming.

When the director stops us during one of these times to correct something, I can't just leap out of character.  I have to take thirty seconds or a minute and get over whatever was just going on.  I pace moodily, glare, take deep, gulping breaths.

It makes me think of Jesus on the cross.  He was suddenly thrown into character: our character.  And it killed Him.  It ripped Him from God.

And the good news?

He puts us into His character.  And we are free.

First Day: a Semi-live Blog

6am   -->  Awake.  Ugh.
6:30  -->  Push-ups and Pull-ups in a gym with a bunch of ripped guys bench pressing: "What's this 
           skinny kid doing in here with a yoga mat??"
7:00  -->  Worship.  Then food.
7:52  -->  Heading to class.  It finally sinks in that I'm actually back in school.  It feels really 
           good.
8:03  -->  Greek is gonna be SO MUCH FUN!!!
8:30  -->  Hoo boy.
9:00  -->  Intro to Faith and Ministry.  This is going to be a great class.
10:00 -->  History of Christianity.  Great class, but this guy grades TOUGH.  Hard A, here.
12:00 -->  FOOD!
1pm   -->  General Biology begins.  Professor Nestler is a riot.
1:02  -->  AND I think this class and Greek aren't going to get along too well.
4:00  -->  Here I am a-studying, a-studying, a-studying; and here I am a-studying, wherever I may go.
7:00  -->  Orchestra!!  Four basses!!  We. Will. Rule!!!
9:00  -->  Momma and Papa are here!
9:30  -->  Just dropped Bio and joined Speech.  Same number of credits, but WAY better.  Exhale.

What Pleases God

Love may forgive all infirmities and love still in spite of them: but Love cannot cease to will their removal. Love is more sensitive than hatred itself to every blemish in the beloved; his 'feeling is more soft and sensible than are the tender horns of cockled snails'. Of all powers he forgives most, but condones least: he is pleased with little but demands all.

-C.S. Lewis in chapter 3 of The Problem of Pain (pp. 39)

Now I don't remember this, but...

...I'm told that when I was just a little guy, perhaps six or seven, I asked Momma, "When the Bible says that 'all things work together for good,' does that mean for our good, or for the good of those around us?"

Thoughts?