I think one of the worst feelings is finding out that

You didn't mean as much to someone as you thought you did

And you just feel stupid because you looked desperate about caring so much.

Overthinking ruins you.

Ruins the situation, twists things around.

Makes you worry and just makes everything worse than it actually is.

Sometimes, things don't go the way we wanted to.

We always thought we were fine.

But in actual fact, there were so much issues...

Issues which set us thinking whether this is what we want.

Those dreams.

Those memories.

Those "what if" that always came across our mind.

Why do always we live our life with regrets when we said we shouldn't.

At times, we realised that we regretted doing things that we shouldn't.

We realised that we lost things and people whom we are close to as we grow up.

We realised that we have been running around in circles.

We realised we have so much left unsaid.

We realised we wanted to make up so badly,

but time passed too quickly that the awkwardness accumulated overtime.

Everything's so uncertain now.

I'm officially a Graduate! (:

It has been a good two years with my fellow classmates, all the late nights we had chiong-ing assignments, kick ass Hari Raya house visitings, class chalet, etc. Really miss those times! Thanks guys for being such wonderful people, and making University days so memorable! Now that we're out in the working society, things are gonna be so different. It's like throwing you into a big sea without life buoy. It's not like I haven't been working previously, but it just feels different, I don't know why ):

#woesofadulthood

 Class of 2013 (Events, Hotel & Resort Management).

 With our course coordinator, Louise Nguyen (the one with the twist).
Thank you for helping us with all the administrative issues, and we know we complaint a lot.

And finally, like what most graduates do, off we go to throw our mutarbak (mortarboard)!

It's like once you get hurt, you build these walls around you that you think will keep you from getting hurt again. You won't let anyone get past them. You pass up good people and good opportunities because you're reminded of what happened to you in the past. But you're not the only one hurting. You're hurting others, because they don't understand why they can't be a part of your life. Just remember that one day you're going to have to get the strength to let these walls down if you ever want to be truly happy again.

Learn to move on.

Love again.

#1. I'm very picky about food/ fruits.

I don't like onions, spring onions, garlic, celery, oyster, mutton and sometimes beef. I can't stand the taste of it. I'm probably a boring person who stays in my comfort zone of eating chicken and pork but I really don't understand how people can tolerate the smell and still find it delicious. And as for fruits, I will never ever touch pineapple, I dislike how it bites my tongue. If I were to choose from the whole lot of fruits being displayed in the clear glass fridge, apple and oranges will definitely be my last option.

#2. I used to bite my nails.

I had a bad habit of biting nails, and I hate it. I tried all ways to kick this habit but it didn't work. Miraculously I stopped biting one day, and I've got no idea how did I manage to do that. But I'm glad I did, I have pretty nails now! :D

#3. My surname isn't supposed to be "Tan".

I heard from my parents, that something went wrong back then when my grandparents registered names for my Dad, uncles and aunties. A total of 10 siblings my Dad has, only the eldest brother has a different surname, Goh. So imagine my name is Joyce Goh... Hahaha awkward.

#4. I can't swim.

I always thought I could. I remembered how I used to go Kallang swimming complex every weekend with my family when I was younger. Ever since I shifted to the North, I stopped swimming. I can't really swim now, and I feel sad about it. I kinda wanna learn, but I'm probably too old for this and it feels scary when my feet can't touch the ground. 

#5. I love to travel.

I have always been travelling in SEA and it gets really boring somehow. I want to explore and see the world. I have a checklist of countries to go to, and I believe I'll conquer them one day. But first, start working and save money!

#6. I love pole dancing.

I was inspired by pole dancing videos on YouTube, so I went to sign up for classes. I started learning Static back then in 2011 but eventually stopped in mid 2012. And now I'm back to classes back on Spinning. Feels so good! Many people see pole dancing as some sleazy dance, but I guess I love it not only I could dance with such emotions, but it's kind of a fitness class as well. I wanna gain strength and flexibility. Sweating it out is so awesome!

#7. I used to stay in the East.

I was in Woodsville Primary before shifting to the North in 1998. It was then closed down and merged with Macpherson Primary a few years after I left. My first primary school was a mixture of Chinese, Malay, and Nepalese students. I have many Nepalese friends, and I'm thankful that I still have them on Facebook. I regard friendship as something very important to me. There may be some reasons why I was so caught up with things and couldn't meet up often, but from the bottom of my heart, all my girlfriends mean a lot to me. It's sad that some of us probably drifted apart gradually. I'm not sure how things can be improved from here, but one day, we would figure it out I guess. Meanwhile, I still have some friends who are always so understanding and lovely. Thank you babies.

#8. I'm very close with my cousins, both paternal and maternal.

Family members are those always held closely to my heart. I'm fortunate that my relatives meet up very frequently, like almost every weekend. My cousins and I will arrange dinner dates to catch up. And I have an awesome cousin as my travelling kaki. We have travelled to Malacca, Bangkok, Hong Kong and Bali together. Our next destination? Melbourne! (:

#9. I love branded stuff.

Yeah, who doesn't? I have a couple of branded bags and wallets. I have a thing for bags by the way. I may love such stuff but there's one thing for sure- I don't spend guys money on these things. I bought all of them using my own hard earned money. So stop judging, bitches.

#10. I probably have mild claustrophobia.

This is a common fear. Claustrophobia is an anxiety disorder where one will panic when they are in enclosed spaces like elevator or small rooms. I remembered there was once I was in the lift with my girlfriend at Cineleisure when the doors got stuck, the lights were not out but I panicked. I couldn't understand why she was so cool about it. :( Sometimes we would forget to press the floors when we enter the lift so it just kinda stopped there, it would scare the freak out of me as well. I hate how the lift isn't moving and the doors are shut, I don't know why either. I dislike walking the stairs when there will be doors closing behind you (like those in shopping malls). I hate having the feeling of being "locked up". Last but not least, I dislike dark areas where I can't see clearly and I'm unsure of what's in front of me. Too paranoid, maybe.

终有一天我们会变得没有话说，

就像陌生人一样。

你和我，

到此为止。

Sometimes, you just wanna runaway for a while.

Because only then, you will leave everything behind and feel carefree.

Can't wait for my Bali trip tomorrow.

And I'll be staying at Kei Villa. I hope it doesn't disappoint me (:

Looking forward to my advance pole dance class in Bali too!

Stay tuned for real time updates on Instagram with hashtag #joycegoestobali.