It's been a long time now...

it's been almost 3 years since my last post. I seriously doubt anyone's reading this anymore, but I decided to pay a visit to my old blog and brought back my memories, both good and bad, as well as tears of joy and sadness. I guess i'm someone who reminisces, which is not very good, as it makes it difficult for me to move on in life. So many things have happened in the last 3 years. Getting married has been the biggest change in my life, and now, i'm going to be a mummy soon. Sometimes I still do miss the carefree life I once had, studying overseas, travelling, the close friendships I had, mission trips, etc. At times, I still yearn to stretch out my wings and fly... Dreams yet to be fulfilled, places yet to go, experiences yet to be experienced. It's been more than 6 years in prison, my bond has ended, and perhaps i'm looking for what's over the horizon... Many doors out there, but I don't know which one to knock and which will open for me. Is it the right time? Is it God's will? So many questions, but no answers... Dear Lord, please help me keep my focus on You - not to let my mind or heart wander, but to seek You in everything. To learn from the past, appreciate it, but also move on, live in the present, and look towards the future... Help me be thankful for everything, remember that I'm not living for myself, but for you alone. Even if nobody reads this, I know you hear the cries of my heart, and you understand me through and through. Change me, dear Lord, from the inside out, to be the woman you created me to be.

Report & Reflections of Crisis Relief Trip to Sri Lanka 27 April to 2 May 2011

Vanakam! (Hello in Tamil)

Upon our arrival in Colombo’s airport, we were welcomed warmly by the local church pastor, where we took a bumpy 10 hour bus ride to a town in the north of Sri Lanka called Vavinuya. Our bus battery exploded along the way but thank God by some miracle we managed to reach our destination without pushing the bus. Our first meal was sumptuous which was cooked by our local host, with the traditional nasi briyani, fried fish, daal, pappadum, etc. Some of us even tried to eat Indian style – with our bare hands! The “hotel” we stayed in was simple, with our fellow resident friends consisting of moths, mosquitoes, flies, cockroaches, bedbugs and even a frog in our bathroom. Heh. Nevertheless, God granted us the grace to have a good rest each night, as all of us were exhausted after a long day of work at the clinics.

We conducted 5 mobile clinic sessions in various places in the village, each session lasting about 3-4 hours at one go. Our one and only doctor saw about 500 patients in total. The rest of us helped out with other tasks such as registration, crowd control, playing with the children, packing and dispensing medicine and praying for the sick. We encountered common illnesses such as flu, worms in stomach, aches and pain the body, while some had more serious diseases such as cataract, deformed bodies, embedded bullet, tumours, etc. We prayed for every person who came, for the Lord to heal them – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. 8 people received salvation and 1 received immediate healing – Praise Him!

We were supposed to enter an internally displaced people (IDP) camp which housed the Tamils during the civil war which ended in 2009. However, due to the volatile political situation, despite getting the legal permit, we were stopped at the border and had to turn back. It was disappointing for some of us, but we trusted that God was in control and had his purposes. I had heard stories from trippers who managed to get into the IDP camps in previous trips, and hope to come back someday to minister to the people in there.

We also visited 2 local church services while we were there – it was interesting to see how the locals worshipped God in their own way. I’m always amazed how people from different cultures, languages, backgrounds, can worship God together in one spirit. Some of us shared our testimonies. Most of the church goers were women and children – as in most developing countries. One church we visited was smaller than my bedroom! And it fitted about 30 people in total. It was so suffocating that my team leader (the doctor) nearly fainted while preaching his message. It was humbling to see how sincere they were in worshipping God despite their poverty and circumstance. It was also amazing seeing both the Christian Sinhalese and Tamils serving the Lord together, considering that they were both enemies in the civil war.

We had about a day and a half to rest and relax in Colombo – which we spent at one of the local pastor’s church house, and driving down south to a famous beach town called Gaal – but it was dark and raining when we reached there =/ Nevertheless, it was a good time with one another’s company.

I’m really thankful for getting to go on this trip with this great bunch of people, whom I only met a few weeks before the trip. Yet it was amazing how we all got along and worked together like we’ve known one another for years! Most of the trippers were younger than me surprisingly - the average age was 28 years old which included two 50+ yrs old ple, so the median age would be around 23 years. The youngest girl was 18 years old, but she amazed me the most with her enthusiasm and humility serving the Lord – I wish the youth in church were all like her.
Each mission trip I go for affirms my calling by the Lord, though I’m not exactly sure where He wants me to go or what He wants me to do, but I believe that as I trust Him each step of the way, He would show and lead me one step at a time =)

I would be raising funds for Crisis Relief Singapore by running my 1st marathon (Adidas Sundown) on 28th May 2011. My target is to complete 42km within 6 hours. You can support me in this effort by contributing any amount. All contributions would go entirely to Crisis Relief Singapore – a Christian disaster relief organization in Singapore run by volunteers. CRS provides medical and other aid in post disaster situations, usually in partnership with a local organization in the disaster hit country and pays particular attention to the disadvantaged, women and children. You can find out more about them on their website: http://www.crisisrelief.org/ Your contributions would give me greater reason and motivation to finish this marathon!
I’m not a natural runner (in fact, I used to tell people that I hate running), but with much discipline and hard work, I’ve learnt the art of running. At the same time, I learn to enjoy the process of running… Trust me, it’s not easy. Sometimes I feel like giving up. But what keeps me going is the thought/ sight of the end point (rest at last!) Each time I run, I’m reminded of how life is like a race (or rather, a marathon). Some people say that life is a rat race. You can run, just for the sake of running, or for a personal sense of accomplishment, or for health reasons. For myself, I strive to run this race of life with purpose, and to end it well! I pray that you would do so too and I will see you at the finishing line =)

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

Yesu Ungalai Neissi Kira! (Jesus loves you)

Updates

9 more days to my first ever national track & field competition. They finally decided to let me run the 3000m event. My best timing so far is 14:06, hope to cut it to 13:30 by race day. The last time i've trained so hard was in JC days, when i was in hockey. I've realised that some people are just born to run, and i realised that i'm not one of them. Nevertheless, it's been a good journey to pushing myself to my limits, motivating myself, learning that life, like running, needs endurance, perseverance, discipline and lots of motivation and hard work, in order to run the race, and finish it well. I used to want to be first in everything, but i guess as i get older, i have lost my competitive spirit, and i just hope to do my best and achieve my target timing. If i win a medal, that would be a bonus.
Learning many new things at my new posting at Prison Headquarters - steep learning curve. Going for my first overseas trip with my director in April.
Ministry wise in church has been quite a lot of changes. Part of a new youth alpha group, as well as starting a new young adult cell group. Recently, started attending Bible Study Fellowship, to discipline myself to study God's word more in depth.
I pray that i will not get lost amidst all these things - to remember to involve God in everything i do, and not get tired or lose focus on reaching out and making Him known.
Had another strange dream recently, it seemed so real, i dreamt that i woke up from my dream and thought it was real, but when i truly woke up, i realised it was not, to my disappointment. Is it my sub-conscious which is playing tricks in my mind? Or is it some sort of sign? Maybe i shouldn't read too much into such things. Just let things take it's natural course.

On CNY

CNY was a lot more eventful when Dad was still around. Dad's side is more traditional and 'religious' in terms of the visiting - and ever since he left in 2009, there wasn't much of a motivation to visit his relatives. Our presence (his children) seems to make his siblings remind them of him, which perhaps, is not so good. Mom was away in Bali for her usual solo holidays, so i decided to bring the 3 of us (my elder sis, younger bro and myself) to my grandma's house for a small reunion dinner, so it wouldn't feel so 'empty'. 1st day of CNY was spent cleaning the house (yes, i know it's supposed to be 'bad luck' but better late than never i'd say!) Went for a run and watched 'Homecoming' on my own. Quite a heartwarming and funny movie for the family in the spirit of CNY. Pretty strange to watch it alone, heh. Perhaps i'm beginning to learn from my mom's solo habits.
My other siblings went to visit their other halfs family. I had many strange dreams the past few night, combined with people and memories from the past, and with those in the present. Makes me wonder how some old friends are doing, perhaps part of me wishes to restore what was left to die. Some memories just can't be erased with time, no matter how hard i try not to think about it. Somehow they keep coming back to haunt me, not that it's a bad thing, but it does bring back a myraid of emotions... Perhaps they'll become blurrer with time, perhaps, just perhaps.

First 15 days of 2011

It's only been 15 days of 2011, but it feels longer than that!
Work has been picking up, preparing for lots of new things, getting slightly better, but still have lots of things to learn...
Training every day now for ASEAN Prison Track & Field Championship, only to find out that i may just be a reserve. Was kinda disappointing, and i will probably need time to process this.
Ministry is uncertain. Some changes looming ahead.
Have lots in mind i wanna go this year - India, South Africa, South America. Plans are kinda all over the place.
Need to BE STILL, and WAIT UPON HIM.

Reflections for 2010

It’s the end of yet another year… I realized the no. of my blog posts is decreasing over the years… heh. More busy, less discipline and motivation to blog.
For my ‘faithful’ readers, I admire your endurance 

2010 has been quite an eventful year. Israel trip in May was definitely a highlight – one of my ‘death wishes’ fulfilled – a pilgrimage to where my Saviour lived, died and resurrected.

Major transition at work took place in Oct, when I got transferred out of the women’s prison to prison headquarters. It came as a surprise, not a pleasant one, as I did not expect or want to go there initially. I learnt to accept it eventually, and I’m slowly learning and discovering God’s purpose for me here… It’s another steep learning curve, but a good place to be shaped and moulded by Him.

Yet another highlight was a mercy trip to China with China Heart International, where I went with ‘international strangers’ to visit orphanages. It was a great time experiencing God and partnering together with Him in the lives of these young ones.

I’ve come past the half year mark of serving my 6-year bond in September this year – many have asked me that question – whether I’m going to continue on or leave after I’ve served my bond. I’ve always pushed that question aside, thinking it’s still far away and too early to decide, but as the time draws nearer, I know that I can’t procrastinate for long. To be honest, I have some ideas in my mind, some of them pretty crazy I must say, but they are but ideas for now… I probably will need to take time out to seek God seriously about this. Would be another one of those big decisions/ phase in life.

At the dusk of the year, and dawn of a new year, I find it useful to reflect back, and thank God for His goodness in the past year, and to look forward with hope of more of His goodness. It is my desire and prayer that all would come to know and experience this sense of thankfulness and hope.

22nd Executive Development Course

Attended a 2 week course at Civil Service College organised by the Institute of Public Policy, where public servants from various ministries, statutory boards and some from the private sector come together to learn about how government works, how policies are made, and most importantly, learn from one another and develop as people and leaders. Being in prison for 3 years, i feel rather 'cooped' up in my own world, and it was an eye-opener to learn about what other government ministries and stat boards do, and how our work as public servants interlink and affect one another.
Have certainly got more interested in other areas of the public service, and how policies are made and implemented.
Public Service is about first and foremost, Service to people. Then there's also Integrity and Excellence, which are rather self-explanatory.
I'm not pro-government, but i must say that i'm glad i joined the public service :)