bring the rain

i woke up this morning with a msg from loo. and its nice to wake up to her daily morning msges. yes, she is that hardworking a friend. :) and i appreciate every bit of that babe, even though 80% of the time i dont reply to it. haha :)

i reread what i wrote last night, mulled over it for a bit, and was thankful that no damage was done to anyone at the very least. just for the record, no one walked in last night, so no shreds to sweep up this morning. alls good i guess.

people fail you all the time. its almost a part of human nature. its like this ingrained element within our souls to fail others. more often than not, to fail the people you love and care about the most. its as if we were designed with an innate ability to take things for granted, whether we choose to or not. i got hurt, i slept thru it. i'm picking up the pieces and i'm moving on. it really isnt that big a deal really. its how you choose to react that mattered. i chose to blow up. even though i know i'd be perfectly fine with it. i wasnt angry that it happened, but more so that you totally disregard how i'd feel even though i've told you not to. you left me disappointed. you let me walk away angry, again, but how can i blame you, we're only human.

So I pray
"Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain"
(mercy me)

ease my aching heart Lord, nurse my hurting soul.
teach me to forgive, and help me to let go.
hold my hand and cradle me as i let you take control
ease my aching heart Lord, help me love him whole.

did i not tell you?

dont call me a militant, i'm a far cry from one. but when instructions were given, specific requests were made and it wasnt fulfilled, not because it wasnt within your capacity to fulfil it, but because you chose not to. you chose to disregard. you chose to disrespect. and that pisses me off. i havent been as pissed off as i am now in a long time. and having to hold back and not blast your head off with words i know id regret is killing me. i should have, i know i'd feel so much better.

what the hell were you thinking. did i not make it clear? as magnanimous a person as i usually am..well, wrong choice of word perhaps. the least bothered i am, usually with petty issues like that. but when i made it a point to say something, and to even justify my every move with a reason, to have made more than 100% certain it wouldnt happen but it still did. and trust me when i say i went out of my way to make sure it wouldnt happen. how do you think i'd feel. do you think id brush it off? i might, you think. i may sleep it off like i'd usually do. take charge of your emotions, you'd say. i am, and just because i'm not putting a stop to it, doesnt mean i'm not taking charge of it.

i could bloody rip the next person who walks into the room up in shreds right now. fuck it all.

cadbury eyebrows

i havent been catching much of tv ever since i came back to manado, but what i saw on the giant screen outside lido really did catch my attention. an ad so weird, so unrelated to its product, yet it retains! the power of advertising, really, it never fails to amaze me.

i got to know lincoln today, during work at waterfront key. interesting fella. we spoke for quite a fair bit and it somehow ended up with "send me your resume tonight." its funny how God throws people like that in your path. i mean, its exactly what i wouldnt mind doing. concert events, advertising solely for special ad campaigns, unconventional advertising. i likee. he knows i hate the 9-5 routine. we talked it thru and he said, of course not. in this line, its worse. haha..shitzu. i really dont know man. but we shall see what happens.

mom wrote me a really long letter and shoved it in my wallet. i stumbled upon it this morning, (who am i kidding, i never see mornings these days anymore).. afternoon, when i was leaving the house for work. she has totally adopted the typical pop approach in dealing with gloria. the whole pulling God into the picture and guilt tripping me. she's getting good at this. i dont blame her. after 33 years with my dad, somethings gotta rub off somehow. and i do want to make it happen, the whole clean the room thing. because id rather her communicate thru ways like these. it makes life easier for us both. i need to do it, then it'll encourage her to talk nicely like this, to lessen the number of future fights-to-be. haha.. what a dread, junk out day it shall be then..

searth's up bugger!

This is so annoying. I’m sitting at starbucks with a laptop and phone in hand. Just about all the gadgets I’d ever own. And wireless@sg is being such a pain in the arse. If my phone can connect to wifi way better than my laptop can, whats the point in bringing the laptop out then! How annoying!

I’ve always been a strong believer that technology should never be the one to slow you down. It was created to make you more efficient, not make you wince and groan over things like that. It is supposed to speed up work, not train your self-control by refraining yourself from hurling the laptop at the glass doors in front of me. urgh! it’s a caffeine rush I swear, I’ve just had a huge glass of doubleshot hazelnut latte. And I need to cough and heck chunks of phlegm out so bad but I keep getting all these evil death glares everytime I let out one of those micro-surrounding-tester coughs. People are sooooo paranoid these days..my goodness. Urgh! the angst!

I met huiling for coffee and it was good! I’ve made it a point to meet her everytime she gets back from Melbourne. And its always comforting to meet an old friend like her. Funny, I’ve known her for almost 20 years. Haha. One of the few, maybe the only friend I still keep in contact after so long. And she’s tempting me with Norway… where she’ll be for her medical exchange the rest of the year. Argh! Somebody save me! I wanna go!

I need to rid this whole wanderlust that is ingrained within me. I think one of the main reasons why I haven’t picked up the papers at all ever since I left the birdpark is mostly because I don’t want to be tied down to a job and be accountable to a boss that will restrict me from most things I’d wanna do in life. Having a job is like being in a marriage I’d reckon. If not worst. Hah! I can imagine the loads of people begging to differ, but since I’ve never been married, I’d stick to that for now. I need my freedom to move and travel. Such is a mind of a fickled young 24 year old you’d say. Well, I am 24, and if I have to be that fickle minded 24 year old, I’d be just that. Fickle minded but not wreckless and stupid. Note the choice of words my friend. Embrace your youth, you’d only be young once.

I had a long talk with Eugene the other day about setting up Searth and really heading its operations. It’s so tempting. And its actually getting me excited and all revved up. I haven’t quite had this feeling for a long long while. I ran it through Christine, I mean, everything has to run through her. She’s my best friend for a reason. And she said, hey, look, remember when we were 15 when I just came back from New Zealand and the first thing I said to you was, “GLORIA! You should be an adventure instructor or something of that sort, it’s soooo you!” I brushed it off. It was one of those, it’s so cool to have, but not in reality kinda thing. Now that chance has been placed before me. she said, “hey, see, I could tell from the start, and that was almost 10 years ago. Hah! Time to live it out babe.” Maybe it is time to live it out. Wring the neck of the procrastinator within me and go for it. Why not eh?

When I stepped into fareast yesterday to settle some paperwork with Kelly from the HR, I was overwhelmed by the level of corporateness (for a lack of a better word) in the office. in a bad way of course. It was insane, and I’d never ever imagine myself being a part of this. It was my confirmation, my way of being sure, even though I’ve mentioned just a couple of days ago that id still want a tad bit of the corporate world, sorry man, it no longer is a hypothesis that I’ve stuck to ever so firmly, now I know for certain I’d never want to partake in this cruel world of neck ties and power suits. Choose to be different, I shall. We cant all be the same, can we..

So there, thoughts straightened out, I’ve got a wonderful PA on hand, its time to move move move! Its time to conquer to world! The Gloria way of course…Hurhurhur………..

This is so annoying. I’m sitting at starbucks with a laptop and phone in hand. Just about all the gadgets I’d ever own. And wireless@sg is being such a pain in the arse. If my phone can connect to wifi way better than my laptop can, whats the point in bringing the laptop out then! How annoying!

I’ve always been a strong believer that technology should never be the one to slow you down. It was created to make you more efficient, not make you wince and groan over things like that. It is supposed to speed up work, not train your self-control by refraining yourself from hurling the laptop at the glass doors in front of me. urgh! it’s a caffeine rush I swear, I’ve just had a huge glass of doubleshot hazelnut latte. And I need to cough and heck chunks of phlegm out so bad but I keep getting all these evil death glares everytime I let out one of those micro-surrounding-tester coughs. People are sooooo paranoid these days..my goodness. Urgh! the angst!

I met huiling for coffee and it was good! I’ve made it a point to meet her everytime she gets back from Melbourne. And its always comforting to meet an old friend like her. Funny, I’ve known her for almost 20 years. Haha. One of the few, maybe the only friend I still keep in contact after so long. And she’s tempting me with Norway… where she’ll be for her medical exchange the rest of the year. Argh! Somebody save me! I wanna go!

I need to rid this whole wanderlust that is ingrained within me. I think one of the main reasons why I haven’t picked up the papers at all ever since I left the birdpark is mostly because I don’t want to be tied down to a job and be accountable to a boss that will restrict me from most things I’d wanna do in life. Having a job is like being in a marriage I’d reckon. If not worst. Hah! I can imagine the loads of people begging to differ, but since I’ve never been married, I’d stick to that for now. I need my freedom to move and travel. Such is a mind of a fickled young 24 year old you’d say. Well, I am 24, and if I have to be that fickle minded 24 year old, I’d be just that. Fickle minded but not wreckless and stupid. Note the choice of words my friend. Embrace your youth, you’d only be young once.

I had a long talk with Eugene the other day about setting up Searth and really heading its operations. It’s so tempting. And its actually getting me excited and all revved up. I haven’t quite had this feeling for a long long while. I ran it through Christine, I mean, everything has to run through her. She’s my best friend for a reason. And she said, hey, look, remember when we were 15 when I just came back from New Zealand and the first thing I said to you was, “GLORIA! You should be an adventure instructor or something of that sort, it’s soooo you!” I brushed it off. It was one of those, it’s so cool to have, but not in reality kinda thing. Now that chance has been placed before me. she said, “hey, see, I could tell from the start, and that was almost 10 years ago. Hah! Time to live it out babe.” Maybe it is time to live it out. Wring the neck of the procrastinator within me and go for it. Why not eh?

When I stepped into fareast yesterday to settle some paperwork with Kelly from the HR, I was overwhelmed by the level of corporateness (for a lack of a better word) in the office. in a bad way of course. It was insane, and I’d never ever imagine myself being a part of this. It was my confirmation, my way of being sure, even though I’ve mentioned just a couple of days ago that id still want a tad bit of the corporate world, sorry man, it no longer is a hypothesis that I’ve stuck to ever so firmly, now I know for certain I’d never want to partake in this cruel world of neck ties and power suits. Choose to be different, I shall. We cant all be the same, can we..

So there, thoughts straightened out, I’ve got a wonderful PA on hand, its time to move move move! Its time to conquer to world! The Gloria way of course…Hurhurhur………..

balless commotion

so heres the picture of the match. shot taken during last weekend's game which i obviously missed yet again..

funny thing is, with all the action and commotion going on... especially with the look on weiyi's face (girl in midair). what are they fighting for? where's the ball?? hahahahha..

cruising on the silversea

it was quite the weekend for me i must say. being planted in a sea of corporate pant-suit-tie people out of the blue was rather...refreshing. oddly enough, i actually enjoyed it. missed it even. as much as i proclaim about my undying hatred towards the corporate world, it still appeals to me, just that little bit....that teeny weeny bit. what irony i know. gloria, the mother of all indecisiveness..

personally, i felt that the job was rather brainless. i mean, what can you expect from a temp job at a fareast showflat with a jobscope of babysitting the place. but after having spent 2 days there, never underestimate the myriad of things to learn at any place, anytime and from anyone.

i spent a couple of hours talking to this guy, not knowing exactly who he was.. we spoke about many things. about how the industry works (and i learnt alot!) the company, about how he loved working for fareast and has been there for 15 years. amazing. we had a tiny debate about job hoppers in relation to our different generations. interesting, the things that made time pass alot faster than i'd expected it to. i loved the conversation, i love talking to random people about the most random of things. blame my dad for the genes, really. i cant help it if i was born like that. we carried on taking for long when he suddenly said, "I LIKE YOU! you articulate well. take my number and call me if you ever need help with a job." i was like..eh..huh? what? then i soon learnt that he is the director, or top executive for real estate and customer relations at fareast. hahah. well done gloria, you've done it again..

thank God for opportunities like these. not that i actually do want it, but i can only daresay its godsent. nothing more, nothing less. i know im a favoured child and ive been blessed. we had our mini sunday night family time just now and mom was asking what i wanted to pray for. i told her that people will start throwing jobs my way, especially from the marine park. haha. she said, wah! so arrogant! id rather say its confidence. besides, you asked me what i wanted to pray for.. you didnt ask me to state what reality was. no harm asking is there. afterall, there really isnt a difference between reality and the impossible when God's incharge cos all things are possible and i dont doubt that for a second ever.

have a lil' faith...

5 Mascots

so my mom walked in with the papers earlier on. Grace was just complaining about how her mother has been nagging her into baking muffins for her. or teaching her how to at least. i'm sorry babe, but my mother wins this hands down; the annoying mother of the year award.

hasnt she realise how anything that has to do with WRS irks the hell out of me....? she came in with papers with the half page article about how they're looking for a mascot. i heard about it all morning on class95. she was like..HEYY.. you should go vote! like wth.. dont bother me with this, seriously.

i looked at the article, and the first thing that caught my eye was that "Dino Descendants" was spelt wrongly! i was like..AHAH!!! i knew it! but this is SPH we're talking about.. my goodness.. they should learn better, like seriously..

sigh, i think i need a job or something to occupy my time soon. i've been soo bitchy of late. loo says im only anal about the things i care about. i couldnt agree more. God, spare my soul...

we're back on the road again.....

Coming back to KL this time was like dejavu. Jiawen would know exactly what I’m talking about if he was here. Oh, im so missing his company right this instant. I took the same bus that we did last year when we did our spontaneous rendevous to KL. Seats were almost exactly the same, the mid-break stop was the same too, well, not surprising. And I had the same giant ass pao we ordered the last time. perfect, apart from not having the companionship, everything else was almost exactly...the same.

I was dropped off at Times Square and I stared at the starbucks for a bit before moving off. I remember being stranded there with a laptop in hand and jiawen jabbing my ribs every few minutes because we couldn’t find a room for the night. We sat there for a good hour or so surfing for rooms. Hah, story of our lives. But it was fun. The whole room hunting thing was really fun! I remember freaking Eugene out insanely when we spoke to him online telling him oh, its almost nightfall, but we’re still roomless. Haha. Speaking of which, we were shown this movie on the way here. Damnit, I should have asked for the title. That was like the perfect travel horror tale that the yao loves to slobber me with everytime I leave the country. But it reminded me sooooooo much of him. Dad works for national security. Freaks when his daughter decides to go on a roadtrip to Paris. I swore his words that came out could match yaos word for word. Argh, I should so find that movie and show it to him. I really enjoyed the show, it was like seeing yaos horror travel stories in pictorial animated form. I think that digs in way more than mere words. Hahah. Good nonetheless. I will be careful, I promise.

Anyway, Times square…I turned to the left and lo and behold!!!! They’ve got krispy kreme here! Like holygamoley!!!! Woohoo!! Ben would be so pleased. Haha, but too bad he aint here. I grabbed my bags and walked almost as if I knew the place like the back of my hand. I didn’t know for certain where I was going, but it seemed correct somehow. I’ve stayed here before, 4ish years ago during our Marketing field trip up. I even took the back alleys and got right up to the hotel. Well done Gloria, you are truly a Malaysian. Pop would be so pleased.

I know I’m supposed to call Ivan like right about now to get my lazy bum down to the show, but I’m oh so lazy. I really shouldn’t have drank like I did with Hongzhen last night. The excessive beer on an empty stomach is causing the rumbling tumbling war inside. That, or that I haven’t really had anything the entire day.

I’m happier now, glad to be out of the country once again. Haha. I could get used to this whole living out of a suitcase thing, well, backpack, in my case :) and so it goes……

i dont want to be here

i was supposed to come back all refreshed and rejuvinated. all ready and spruced up to face the world. now my days are filled with lamentations, and my nights, flooded with dreams of the people i have spent the past 2 weeks with, the creatures of the underwater world. and the worst of it all, my dreams come in picture frames, neatly composed, picture perfect for the occasion. what is happening to me! bring me back to manado please.

ive grown sooo depressed thru the past couple of days. and its really strange, i dont quite understand. i've been to places, but never back with so much anguish of having to be back here. ive never felt so sore about having to leave a place. maybe things were picking up and i was really starting to immerse into the culture of things, the way of life there. i was starting to fall in love with it, and whoosh! time to pack up gloria. time to leave.

trust me, i had to fight it off so badly, the thought of missing my flight back home. especially after william said, hey gloria, dont forget to leave something behind so you will HAVE to come back. urgh. dont kill me with those words.. you know i will definitely.

but i cant afford it. i know i need a job if i would want to return back, but having a job also means that i wouldnt be able to spend more than a week there. and i would want to spend a month long if i could the next time i get there. sigh. im such a wreck. i miss the whole bunch so bad.. :(

i havent done anything since ive been back apart from sleeping and drinking. its terrible. ive become such a hag. if i could grow a beard, it would have reached the pits of bunaken, like down the walls. i dont want to socialise, but i get lonely. i just want to curl up and hermitise and not have to face anyone. and with everything that is going on right now, i dont dare trust anyone anymore. i dont want to. i cant. i have nothing more to give. when you get brought down again and again, when you try with no returns, when you've reached the point where you just dont want to anymore, you shut off. thats where i am. and thats that i guess. nothing much anyone can do about it. not that anyone would anyway..

i need to run away.. time to pack bags and run off for the weekend again..