all i'll ever need..
i need to dive. i need to get away. i need to hear the bubbles above me, and let it put my fears at bay. i need to soften my heart and not be so cold, to embrace life, to love and to hold. i need to get up and start living, to trash the procrastinator devil and start feeling. i need to trust and believe, that some day my heart will be at ease. i need to be less fickled, i need to learn to decide. i need to stop being so adamant, to let others be my guide. i need to stop thinking i'm right, i need to back down and try, to be humble and teachable, with all my strength and might. i need to love more and lament less, i need to plan more with every new step. i need to stop taking it as it comes, the consequences, the confusion and thinning hope is making me feel fucking dumb. i need to stop feeling empty inside, i need to start filling up that void. i need to not depend on others as much, to stand up straight and tall, and not be a half pressed clutch. i need to have bigger goals, to have a vision, a direction towards things i want to achieve. i need to explore and discover, especially the creatures under the sea. its crazy how i feel so much, yet do so little about. the only thing that floods my mind is to travel and dive endlessly without a doubt. theres so much more i need to be, so much more i can achieve. though i'm starting to sound freaking national day, we can achieve, we can achieve. so count on me. i need to feel loved, i need to be held tight. i need someone to be there for me, to tuck me in and kiss me goodnight. i need to lay my head down to rest, i need to breathe and take it all in, and maybe somehow, just maybe, i might pass this test. i need the grace of God to wash over me, to cleanse me of this guilt. i need to make things right and not be laughed at, like those scottish men in kilts. there's just so much more, so much more to undertake, to live my life out full. i need an inspiration, someone to inspire, and some mega mighty tools. this longing and desire, of wanting what i cant have is driving me insane. its human nature, that i know, but my head is bursting out of its membrane. i need to rest, i need to sleep to lay this down at His feet. that someday i may breathe again, in utmost honesty i speak.
