Jack-O-Lantern

So chinese new year’s almost over. Ive only had one miserable yusheng. Boo. I crave for so much more. I didn’t even have one with my family. Maybe the yusheng day isn’t over yet. Haha..since cny’s not exactly over yet. I don’t know. Im a goon when it comes to traditions.

Sch has been getting better. More bearable. At least ive got this ethics class where the lecturer’s fun. Like crazy fun. And vocal. I love vocal classes. though my group mates, apart from cat, don’t seem to appreciate it. Too bad.

Ive even got more spending money this month. Haha. Spent so much this month as compared to the rest of last year. From a poor student’s perspective that is. I seem to have more time to go down to simply bread. Been helping jan with her baking and catering. And I might be kind enough to help my brother out with his housework. Since my sister in law’s almost due. And that he was for once acting like a big brother, giving me his sony ericsson w800i. haha. And he offered to pay to be his maid too. hahaha. Just a thought. I might, I just might. Hur hur.

Mom’s still the same tho. She called me in the afternoon today screaming about cat shit again. Demanding that I got home early enough today. Like what the hell. Fine, my fault if the cat really shits around the house. But when I got home, she yelled asking me to hurry clear shit. And when I asked where, she said, “the litter box la!” like what?! First you complain that the cat isn’t litter box trained. And when he finally decides to poop in there, you complain about him pooping in there. Urgh! What the hell do you want. I’ve officially given up talking to my mother unless utmost necessary. I seem to drop less hair that way. I don’t wanna turn bald by Christmas. It would be dreadful.

I finally bought paint for my room. Now that ive bought a whole new tin of paint, im starting to think that im gonna miss my old room colour – red wine purple. Boo. And ben convinced me into getting orange. Haha. Like orange ORANGE. jack-o-lantern orange. I wanted olive green. He said he didn’t wanna feel as if he was still at work when he came over. Well, he’s got a point there. But still, now I’m gonna go back in time. My room’s gonna look like a 3year old’s room. This is going to be interesting. I should start talking more pictures of my room now.

I had this puzzle that I did a couple of years back. And im certain I brought it over to the new place. But I cant seem to find it. I finally bought a frame for it today. Now, all excited in high anticipation, I cant seem to find the damn puzzle. Why does it always have to be this way. My gummy bears escaping out of bag puzzle. So sad!

Cant wait for touch tmr, but weather has been dreadful. If I had boots, which I tried to hunt for today, I wouldn’t mind the least about playing in the rain. But I don’t. that means, more rashes to come. And 3 hours of fun is not worth 3 weeks of itchiness. Considering that I train every week now, that would be endless itchicities. Haha. Disease, im certain. Horrid disease. Haha.

My bed’s calling me, I can hear her. But I still need to get the readings for tmr’s case done. Rah. Sleep beckons! Hear thee, oh hear thee! Im coming!

A dump and a piss and a bloody bruised fist

Urgh. I hate my mother. It isnt even a point where im going through a teenage crisis type thing. The whole, I hate my mom issue when ure 16. its different. I can never understand her. Why say things knowing full well that it’ll provoke the hell out of me. So what if the fucking cat pissed and took a dump in the family hall. Screw that! You think it takes a day for a cat that isn’t litter box trained to learn it overnight?! Screw you mom. All you know how to say is to throw the cat out throw the cat out throw the cat out. Why don’t u just throw me out instead. Let me quit school. live in the dumps. Huh?! Why don’t you. You’re making it seem like getting rid of things is beginning to be your forte anyway. Why don’t you just freaking throw your own kid out on the streets then. Then maybe, just maybe, you’d get a tinge of what I’m feeling right now. I hate you.

Im tired. Ive had 2 hours of sleep last night, and ive got to deal with this now. My dad’s been knocking at the door for the past 5 mins. I don’t think I’ve ever locked myself in like that before. Then again, having a balcony that links to my sister’s room, and non existent curtains, I don’t think the whole locking myself in is working very well. It’s a good thing my room’s self sufficient. And that I’ve got heroes from jay to endure the next few hours of mia-ness. Somebody save me from my misery.

I just re-read what I typed. I think I’ve calmed down a little. Blogging helps, somehow. It lets it out. Beats punching your fists against the wall. I feel so immature blasting away like that. But why should i care. So be it then. Welcome to my life.

Double date exs.

Today was fun. Haha. And we didn’t realize it till just before we were trying to make our way out of sentosa. Jay suddenly said hey, its so weird that we’re out with our exs. Haha. Weird but true. I like how the awkwardness is non existent. I liked tonight. I liked our endless beer. Though I hated the cold winds and the dreadful mozzies. I liked mahjong lesson 1.01. and the awesome deck chairs. Well, and café del mar of course. And catching up with hongzhen. And just basking under the moon. Sweet. I love you guys.

i dread school

You know how people say uni’s supposedly your best years ever. It obviously aint happening for me. I absolutely hate school now. Especially after what happened today. Don’t screw me over for something I did not do. Urgh. I cant wait to get over and done with this dreaded degree. Maybe going to Australia really seem like a more feasible option at the moment. Its my escapism from reality. Though that escapism, could possibly turn INTO reality. It’s a strange strange world we live in.

I think I should be banned from the library. Haha. Now thinking back, its rather amusing. How I got so freaking pissed off at them so easily blowing their brains out at me. Its as if im doing my part to please and not for my sake. It kills me. And im getting sick and tired of it. I don’t get any real concern or response either way. Why should I bother. I flung my books like a 3year old kid around the library floor. Yanked out the USB cables of the computer when it couldn’t read my hard disk. Haha. Now I understand why people fling things in the air when they get mad. The release of tension, its almost orgasmic.

Touch was stupid just now. I hate how Sebastian trains the team. Like “hey all, lets learn basics. Lets do spin passes!” like duh-oh! Give me a second while I smack my forehead in utter disgust. You cant throw the ball properly you wanna teach them how to do spin passes? Are you retarded? I don’t get it. I told Rachel a couple of times how she should feedback to seb about his retarded training methods. Don’t assume people know how to play, because they obviously don’t. like, he was doing running drills on the second lessons when people don’t even know the difference between the spinning hand and the guiding hand. Urgh. Trainings are just spastarded.

I got ben and james down for training. And after what seb said about how, “oh, I never knew barker produced such good players.” How about, “I never knew ac i produced such lousy players.” Sheesh. Screw it.

But other than that, I still quite like training. Especially after such a horrid day at sch. Playing under the pouring rain just relived good old memories. Even with squishy shoes due to the lack of boots, or overly soaked underpants, it was good to get those veins pumping. I’d just pray it gets better somehow. Boo.

Gong xi ni ah!

Its Chinese new year! I cant believe I actually added an exclamation behind that. Lets do it again. ITS CHINESE NEW YEAR!! Haha. Apart from the extra cash, that’s basically it for me. For my family, at the very least, Chinese new year just means the obligatory smiles that come along after a, “wah! Ni hao da le!” and a night over at the swiss. That’s basically it. And because of the moving house stress that mom has been carrying the past couple of months, it totally kills all festivity moods entirely.

I think I’ve slept twice as much as any regular typical Chinese would have. Everyone seems to be out playing late night hard core mahjong. Stuffing their faces with dinners and lunches. I, on the other hand, admist the bak kwas and ang baos, actually went for a long run, gymming, a 2hr swim and semi-spa’ing. Hur hur. It was good. Though this year’s room was way smaller, we managed to get an executive room at raffles the plaza instead of the swissotel. It’s a good trade off. I could live with the 40floor difference since we had access to the executive lounge either way. Haha. My annual indulgence, bear with me.

I think ive visited more of bens side than I did my own this year. Ang bao collection this year was dreadful however. Though mom’s family visitation seemed a little more bearable. Was talking to my cousin in law, ronnie’s wife the entire time. Learnt that you cant work if your husband’s a chief of something. How sucky. You’ve just gotta assume taitai career if that happens. Bleah. Boring.

Gynae uncle was visiting in aussie, so we didn’t have to go through the annual security screening either by Lee Hsien Long’s guards either.

Ah, cny’s just different this year.

Even meeting up with the guys this year was different. This year, it was at jon’s, instead of chai’s. and man was it one hell of a gambling den. And no one could stop us anyway since he recently moved to a service apartment. Hur hur. There was one table of texas holdem, 2 tables of mahjong and one huge dinning table of blackjack. Cool stuff. That started my gambling streak. Tsktsk I know. But its Chinese new year. Haha. Theres always a first to everything. Everyone was over. It was crazy. Got to know this guy called mark. Very interesting fella. We teamed up mostly for blackjack. And everytime he opened my cards on an ace, we hit blackjack. Haha. Sweet.

Though I blew 50ish that night, which was nothing compared to the rest. Like mannie who lost 200ish, I made up for it the following day. Which, by right, isn’t quite ethical. Was at kevin’s then lionel’s. and I made back over a 100. it wasn’t quite a happy win. It’s like taking your friend’s money knowing they cant argue. But still, Chinese new year I guess. That alone, makes all illogical, logical again.

Gloria and the pastry factory

I hate not having the internet whenever I need it. Urgh. Its so frustrating. I cant do my work, I cant check my email. I cant even get on msn or blog! L and ive been trying to find better cheesecake recipes for ben for valentines. Not that vday’s an actual big thing to us. We think its overrated and over-commercialised. But no harm baking him something that I’ve owed him over a year. Haha. Even sean’s gonna kill me. He told me to bake him a cheesecake 2 Christmases ago, he’s been to Chicago and back, and he still hasn’t even gotten close to whiffing it. Hur hur.

Speaking of which, jan just hired me to be her kitchen helper in march. Yay! Haha. I cant wait to get my hands on all her fine cakes and pastries. Patisserie training in france definitely paid off. Ooh, its gonna be exciting. Yayyy!

Adam’s dreaded apple curse

Its been 2and a half years. And already, everyone’s certain we’re gonna get married. Ben threw a sweet little steamboat thing at his place to celebrate along with the rest of the guys. And when jon and dre appeared, they went, “oh happy 10th anniversary mom and dad.” Haha. Sheesh. So I’ve inevitably taken upon the role of mommy glor. I could live with that I guess. I am, afterall, used to being called aunty Gloria by those 4year olds. Darn it.

Ben asked me to invite my friends over to his place too. and i tried thinking of mutual friends we had. Mutual as in, my side of friends that he knew too. And I couldn’t think of any! And when I merely mentioned about how there wasn’t anyone in mind to invite because you don’t know anyone, no one knows you, he snapped. He got so freaking pissed at me. I guess I just don’t seem to see the tiny steps of effort he takes in getting to know my friends. No, I’m honestly not being sarcastic. I mean, 2and a half years. You SHOULD by now get along with at least a bunch of my friends. You’d obviously beg to differ. You’ll say that I’m close to your friends only because I knew them before I knew you. But still! It aint no excuse. Urgh.

So one thing led to another. He just wanted to keep quiet and let it blow off. I wanted to settle it for good. I guess intense lashing at him wasn’t the perfect way to go about it, but I did anyway. And it killed me when he said those very words. – “since you love complaining to James about us, why don’t you ask him about what I tell him about! You think I’m taking your leaving to Australia very well…?”

And then he broke down and cried.

No, he didn’t just cry cry. He sobbed. And my heart cringed. It ached, so bad. I thought he was ok about it. Apparently not. and there was no way he wanted to let me know how horrid he was feeling because he didn’t want to place me in a predicament between him and Australia. When Kevin mentioned about heart wrenching pain, I presume I understood. Not till just now did I truly grasped the meaning of those words. Ben never cries. He cries for matches that he pushed the team too hard for yet failed to win. He cries when a brother is in deep shit. Cries when he feels helpless when he cant get that brother out of it. But not for things like these. It kills me, it really does.

So now I’m back to square one. I’m clueless about where I should go, what I should do. I know I’ve got to settle my life before I can allow someone else to join me. It’s a selfish yet realistic thought. Someone once told me I may be hanging too tightly onto a crumbling relationship. I don’t think so. Despite the time to time foolishness we may indulge in, it still comes down to the fact that we’re only human. And our human nature fails us more often than we want to. and because of that, thanks to adam, we’re hardly perfect.

second chances

Now, today was rather interesting. At the very least, it was different. Its days like these where I’m thankful I’m Chinese. No, I’m not gonna preach about racism. I’m just happy coz we’ve got Chinese new year. Hur hur. Its like, new year part 2. screw the English new year, you’ve always got a second chance kinda thing.

You know how you start the year with like mighty big plans or strategies on how you wanna achieve those far fetched resolutions. Its almost as if its habitual making those resolutions. Like why set it when you’ll break it. Or maybe you set it so that you can break it. Haha.

Anyway, this year started with the usual, like study hard, lose weight, be good, drink less. And I practically broke every single one of it. Within the first week of the year, I had drinks with the guys. Not just any drink, but a shot of absinthe. Then came the studying hard part. Ive been so awol in sch, my groupmates ALMOST kicked me out of the group. It was horrible. I don’t think I’ve ever tried harder selling myself. There was this part of me that kept going, ah screw it. These kinda things are common at uni level. We’ve passed the i-don’t-friend-you stage a long time ago. Sch just started, I could easily find another group. But then came the part where I realized their intentions of doing so. And it was good intentions. Why screw myself over something God sent. Make it the catalyst for change. Grow up glor. And so I did. Sweet.

Even the losing weight part is totally the opposite. I went back to work, so that means ive got truckloads of carbo waving their flabby arms at me. Who can resist a friendly croissant? Or a freckled face sugar bun! They’re all shouting out, “hi, my name’s butter. Eat me.” Urgh! Holy giant molies I tell you. And so I started touch training again! Yay. J

The other day when Sunand came visit at the shop just before he left for the airport, he hugged me goodbye and topped it up with the usual, “be good!” and of course, with that streak of “hur hur hur”s in his eyes. And then I looked at him funny and he went, “you know exactly what I mean.” Well, I AM good. You just bring out the devil in me. That’s all. Haha.

I mentioned about the whole sudden 16year old rebellion phase that I had last year. I finally got it out of my system, I think I’m on my way back to sane-hood. Haha. 16year old indeed. The random urges to get my ears pierced again. To dye my hair, (which I finally did, today) to get coloured lens, things like that. I think I’m halfway through it. Haha. My old ‘image consultant’ bug has bitten me hard in the ass again.

So I did get my hair dyed today. Courtesy of grasswong. Who, apart from leaving out my ends, did a fantastic job in getting my hair coloured. Haha. Its nostalgic to sit in her balcony with a bottle of DIY dye. 16 year old rebellion indeed.

I really liked today. I love just hanging out with grace. Its like happy Tuesdays. Especially when you know there aint school tmr either. It adds up. They’re like Gloria Euphoria Inducers. Haha. Even though the morning was crap. That I had unceasing diarrhea and cramps, it ended well. We skipped lecture halfway, got to graces after dye and earring piercing hunting. And off we were to geylang to round up with some excellent beef horfan. Had the usual visual dose of hookers but this time round, we had a mission. We had ‘Candies’ to hunt for. It was adrenaline rushing. We had to get to the really dodgy part of geylang. Thank God we had that really suspicious dude who helped out. Not that it mattered to me. I had my dose of thrill at least. Haha. Minus the absolutely annoying “aye, how much?” stares we had from those disgusting perverse drooling old ah peks, today’s simply..well..awesome. ;)