Still He Walked..

(by Carrie McCutcheon)

He could hear the crowds screaming "crucify" "crucify"...
He could hear the hatred in their voices,
These were his chosen people.
He loved them,
And they were going to crucify him.
He was beaten, bleeding and weakened...
his heart was broken,But still He walked.

He could see the crowd as he came from the palace.
He knew each of the faces so well.
He had created them.
He knew every smile, laugh, and shed tear,
But now they were contorted with rage and anger...
his heart broke,
But still He walked.

Was he scared?
You and I would have been, so his humanness would have mandated that he was.
He felt alone.
His disciples had left, denied, and even betrayed him.
He searched the crowd for a loving face and he saw very few.
Then he turned his eyes to the only one that mattered
And he knew that he would never be alone.
He looked back at the crowd, at the people who were spitting
At him, throwing rocks at him and mocking him and he knew
That because of him, they would never be alone.
So for them, He walked.

The sounds of the hammer striking the spikes echoed through The crowd.
The sounds of his cries echoed even louder,
The cheers of the crowd, as his hands and feet Were nailed to the cross,
intensified with each blow.
Loudest of all was the still small voice inside his
Heart that whispered
"I am with you my son",
And God's heart broke.
He had let his son walk.

Jesus could have asked God to end his suffering,
But instead he asked God to forgive,
Not to forgive him,
But to forgive the ones who were persecuting him.
As he hung on that cross, dying an unimaginable death,
He looked out and saw, not only the faces in the crowd,
But also, the face of every person yet to be,
And his heart filled with love.
As his body was dying, his heart was alive.
Alive withThe limitless, unconditional love he feels for each of us.
That is why He walked.

When I forget how much My God loves me,
I remember his walk.
When I wonder if I can be forgiven,
I remember his walk.
When I need to be reminded of how to live like Christ,
I think of his walk.
And to show him how much I love him,
I wake up each morning,
turn my eyes to him,
And I walk.

Luke 23-24

Mighty is the Power of the Cross

What can take a dying man and raise him up to life again?
What can heal a wounded soul?
What can make us white as snow?
What can fill the emptiness?
What can mend our brokenness?
Brokenness

Chorus:
Mighty, awesome, wonderful
Is the holy cross
Where the Lamb laid down His life
To lift us from the fall
Mighty is the power of the cross

What restores our faith in God?
What reveals the Father's love?
What can lead the wayward home?
What can melt a heart of stone?
What can free the guilty ones
What can save and overcome?
Overcome

(chorus)

It's a miracle to me (2x)
and It's still a mystery (2x)
It's a miracle to me
The power of God
For those who believe

Mighty, awesome, wonderful
Is the holy cross
Where the Lamb laid down His life
To lift us from the fall
Mighty is .......
Mighty is.......
Mighty is the power of the cross

Thank You for the cross (2x)
Love the cross (2x)
So Powerful...... ohhhhh yeahhh

What can take a dying man?
And raise him up to life again?
Worship You Jesus
By your wounds we are healed
By your wounds we are saved
Mighty is the power of the cross (2x)
Thank You Jesus for the Holy cross

"lets break up serene"

i dont know whether it was just a mere accumulation of the events that took place today, or i was just being moody, perhaps a little pmsy, the tiniest things seemed to irritate the hell out of me today.

look at how the day even started. i woke at 10. and work starts at 830 mind you. washed up real quick and actually ran to catch the train today. everyone presume's i'd be late anyway, and it doesnt really make a difference whether or not i prove them wrong, so why bother. i didnt even inform Cathei i'd be late. haha. she called whilst on the train again today. and she was her sweet usual self. darn, im still not used to it. i should though, its beginning to happen a little too often.

i guess they dont really care about whether i come into work or not anymore. i mean, i really wanna make my last few days in the company worth the stay, but whether or not you give me the opportuniy to, thats a different story altogether.

i got into office happy. pleased and grinning slightly to myself that i like having the privilege of coming in late. i mean, not that the others dont. i guess the guilt of being responsible just doesnt hit me as hard. i honestly believe i thrive in a groundless, ruleless carefree environment. in the same way as how a flower withers when shoved and left in a dark closed up box. (of course, you cant count the bonsais, they werent supopsed to be like that) haha.

i was actually pretty hyper. and i managed to get quite a few things done today. even chased winnie for my quotes. i quite enjoy the seniority in my department as well, and yes, ive only been in there for half a year. i really cant imagine if i stayed on. i like having to know stuff that the new people dont. and that includes being the only decoder left to winnie's impossibly illegible handwriting. haha. i like ilikee....

but something just wasnt right. yes, i pranced to the biz dev. unit and did my morining hugs. but something was weird. like my entire world shifted. there he was, sitting right next to her. yes, the new designer dude. sitting next to my serene. and she was so into him. dilligently teaching him with utmost concentration. even if i intercomed her from jason's table this time, which is next to hers by the way, it probably wouldnt work now. she was fascinated by his cuteness, mesmerised by his innocence. urgh! shes mine u bugger, back off!

so we went on through the day, me being totally irritated by serene's new found love. and ben not caring less honestly didnt help, my lover and my own boyfriend totally nonchalant about whether i was alive or not. i didnt like that. something had to be done.

...fasttttt....

i called kio, and complained. heheehe....

i asked jason for my yacht viewing...hehehehehe....

and no, noot just to make you jealous. you had your new designer dude anyway. hmmph!

speaking of which, jason made excellent company today. its funny how it all started. i think we've had too many moments, its a little scary. not that anything will happen, but look at the things we do. similiar to what he pointed out today, its really true. vday, dinners and even watching the sunset from the vast open sea, slowly setting behind singapore's gorgeous skyline. (of course skylines are always gorgeous, and no, no pun intended. haha.)

just to note, the new marina south pier is really really pretty too. nice place to sit out and hang. haha. sorry, out of point. haha.

anyway...

i really enjoy our talks, our days out. its really an escapism from the reality of life. like what i told him yesterday. and it really does go way beyond mere romantic relationships. and i miss that. i miss being purely platonic knowing full well i'm safe acting the way i do without giving out the wrong signals. i like it when friendships attain that level. i guess its all a part of getting close. who knows, really.

i know im still irritated. and ben really isnt helping. but i know i'd pull through. coz theres only a minute left to the 25th. in which, i was supposed to spend at nings place. ahwell. theres always next year. i badly need my rest..

Macgaddies Kiddy Patrol

thinking back, its still rather dumb how the whole fiasco even started out. think about it, street fight just because we commented about sticking mac pickles on the wall? we wereobviously not wrong here.

we were at forum. feasting on shaker fries. we were happy and jolly, enjoying our friday night out, then suddenly, dre said, "they're sticking mac pickles on the wall."

we all went, what? turned around and saw a couple of ang moh kids sticking pickles on the wall. and not that we should bother, but when you have the old uncle clearing up after you, i think we should. and considering the mess they made, and drinks they spilt on the ground and smoking even, inside macs? of course we should.

this small dude came over, jammed packed with his 'allblack american accent' yo, and went, y'all aint cool? we almost had to refrain from laughing. the adrenaline was pumping way high and they really wanted to fight! so go ahead man. we'd catch ya outside cuscaden, bro'!

they called down a couple of guys too, and waited for these young white boys and that black american wannabe. seeing us, they had to make peace if not itd be piss in his pants we're dealing with. but jon didnt quite wanna let go. so hah! good luck kiddo.

he was that close to throwing a punch, in the middle of orchard road. brad stepped in and could have arrested that young lad there and then. gave him one hell of a lecture. it was hilarious man. like you, young punk, look who ure messing around with first before you decide to stick mc pickles on the wall of our macdonalds. its ronald's place man. yea, he may be white with thick red lips and a pair of giant feet and his infamous yellow suit, still no reason for you to do that. you've barely turned 18, you were smoking inside macs. how dare you. you were darn lucky you got away that night. i'm sure we could have taken him and friends down easily. but i'm glad we were smarter than that. for the stuff he did, i'm sure even the juvinile court wouldnt wanna cover his ass.

Panty Persona?

Laid-back personality? Check. Fresh and fun style? Got it. You, carefree one, are often envied for your casual, up-for-anything attitude and ability to kick it with the big boys as if you’re one of them. That’s why you’re the utrasporty boyshort. Its casually sexy status is a perfect fit for a relaxed go-getter like you.

therapeutic shredder

i swear i am slowly mutating, but this is hilarious. we were just talking about it over lunch about the nemesis of SE. i think i stand a better chance at winning that title.

you see, she was strutting around as usual poking her nose into my things. i don't like the probe. i mean, whether or not it's official stuff, its my privacy and personal space you're stepping into. if you dare argue, why then, do you keep your drawers locked?

unlike serene, i can multi-task pretty well. so letting it all out here, and holding back on the reigns of laughter takes quite abit of skill. i should run to the toilet and meet serene there for our secret (now not-so-secret) gossip sessions. haha..i cant take this anymore. hahaha..

"where's my address book?"

*innocently looks up* "hmm? dont know."
(though visual in head was, address book beside fax machine)

*grumble grumble*

if i could be more precise, it was more of address book walking to shredding machine and shoving itself through.

hehehehe..... now that sounds like a plan. i couldnt be more evil.

heehehheehhehe....

S.uch E.ediots

this is ridiculous. how dare you disregard my existence like that. its so annoying. i mean, just because i've resigned, doesnt mean you've got the warrant to treat me like your slave. honestly, if given the choice, id rather leave immediately. but you had better pay me. and no, i wont get lazy on this matter, i wouldnt procrastinate. coz its you im bringing down, trust me, i will do it well.

i've never deemed myself as a vengeful person. and its amazing how much a company can bring out in you. yea, ive learnt my fair share of lessons. but ive also learnt not to be pushed over by you. the more you lash out at me, the firmer i will stand and make my last few days in this company memorable, not just for myself, but for you. that you will learn too, that the world does not revolve around you and your poohs, that just because you raise your voice louder, doesnt mean everyone else will have to beckon at your feet in awe of your power and might.

to kill you with love? i have been, and have tried. and of course, i got the response as expected but you take it for granted that i'd be your smiling fool when u need someone to vent your fustrations on. i have taken your unreasonable baseless judgements at face value, its time you take some of mine.

i dont even understand what makes you stay. its as if you're extremely delighted in coming back to this office day after day. you get a promotion, i dont see you getting a pay raise. so if it's an empty title and cheap labour you're willing to get exploited for, go ahead, be my guest. but its strange, because you are an intelligent lady, that we all know, though with a desperate need for more EQ. and trust me, in this place, thats not something you can learn. you may beg to differ, you may say its part of being professional, how on earth then, do you build rapport with someone with your non existent EQ level. tsk.

you always say you've got no time for this and that. you always say you're perpertually busy, too many things on hand. i'd say you're clearly not cut for the managerial seat. delegate! hand out work and not function like how our boss does. make time for yourself. if not, you'd be fulfilling the visual in my head - you, old and haggard, looking back at nothingness in your life that you've built up over the past 20 years. yup. thats you, not me, coz i'm leaving, i'm getting out of here, i'm setting it straight, i'm gonna jam pack my life, and i'm gonna look back and smile, and not regret.

and to think, we know what perfect lives we would want to live..

"The following piece was written by an eighty five year old man who learned that he was dying.

If I had my life to live over again, I'd try to make more mistakes next time. I wouldn't be so perfect. I would relax more. I'd limber up. I'd be sillier than I've been on this trip. In fact, I know very few things that I would take so seriously. I'd be crazier. I'd be less hygienic.

I'd take more chances, I'd take more trips, I'd climb more mountains, I'd swim more rivers, I'd go more places I've never been to. I'd eat more ice cream and fewer beans.

I'd have more actual troubles and fewer imaingary ones!

You see, I was one of those people who lived prophylactically and sensibly and sanely hour after hour and day after day. Oh, I've had my moments, and if I had it to do over again, I'd have more of those moments – moment by moment by moment.

I've been one of those people who never went anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute. If I had to do it all over again, I'd travel lighter next time.

If I had it to do all over again, I'd start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay way later in the fall. I'd ride more merry go rounds, I'd watch more sunrises, and I'd play with more children, if I had my life to live over again.

But you see, I don't."

"i guess, the less perfect your life is, the more perfect it will actually be"

its a sunday thing..

that i remember ive got a blog to keep. this is honestly getting difficult to upkeep. i cant even remember what drove me to update my blog as often as i did before.

its Easter Sunday, and its hot and sunny as expected. i remembered sharing with Serene on friday why it'd always rain on Good Friday. and it was true. it poured! out of nowhere. a play of faith there, id say.

i seem to have a ton of things on hand, a list of things i want to get done before i move on with the upcoming week but i cant seem to get down to doing it. I've got Ben's birthday to plan for which is coming up on Wed and i still aint sure where to start. urgh. its getting rather fustrating but i'd hang in there, somehow or other.

we had a really good talk on MOnday though, we were on the phone for hours and it has been a long time since it last happened. seems like just yesterday when he first called. haha. scary how time flies. Lionel just told me he found his 'heart' earned money tucked away in some dark corner of his drawer. i folded that 10dollar heart when we were like in year 2! say, 3 years ago? :D how delightful. i bet i used mine, or its in some wallet chucked away somewhere. that leaves us with hongzhen, the next, and last person who would have a 'heart' earned 10 bucks but knowing him, he probably had used it. ;)

i think the past 2 weeks went by pretty quickly. no, not because im getting old and my memory's failing me, i just dont remember much of what had happened, nothing really significant caught my attention to note down. i can barely recall what i did last week even, apart from swinging our arms out at westcoast park last last sat (7th apr) after the camp vision briefing and watching lagaan late at my place. who starts on a 3 hour bollywood movie at 11pm? wait, 3.5 hrs to be exact! haha. i know serene would kill if she read this. but hey, even you fell asleep half way through and i had to lug you out of the couch and into the shower before you climbed into bed. i know its probably a good, though cliche show, i really had the intent to finish it before succumbing to slumber, really! but i bet it was the mac and cheese that kio had drugged, and topped up with a lot of salt to cover the taste, which killed us both. haha.

i remember meeting up with sunand at dubliner that tuesday, caught the date movie and down to the living room after that. its strange how we never have dinner when we meet up. its as if we need the alcohol to kick in faster. haha. who knows, really.

i went for lunchtime service on wednesday for the first time. pastor chris from ARPC was speaking. he's a good speaker, but i gotta admit i wasnt paying attention half the time. i was so exhausted, even the typical seminar room seats seemed comfy. had lunch at the marche wanna be place at chinasquare and got back to office really really late. took about 2hours off for lunch. cathei almost blew her brains out at me. almost, because i know she would have loved to but probably couldnt spare some to throw out at me. her tiny frame really wouldnt hold much inside already. tsk! haha.

even though serene and kio were over again on wed night, i convenient fell asleep on them whilst watching breakfast at tiffany's. i told u i was tired! but still, i know.

it was our 20th month anniversary on monday, we wanted to go to the club for a swim before his membership expired, but we ended up couch potatoing instead. could have used the time betterhowever, but thats alright. tuesday was down to AMK for the home visit, which i completely missed out on. sat at the playground waiting for the 2 instead of being a part of it. just felt so anti. like it needed a little more energy, more than what i could offer, to interact with the kids. i really enjoyed supper at the central with partner and all though, just didnt feel like i was up to it to be hyper and crazy with the kids.

went for lunchservice again on wed. Pastor Chris spoke about the Da vinci code. serene came along, and it was good coz she knew a load more about the book than me. so she stood in as my filler, to inform where i lacked. sunand accompanied me down to the club since he was headed to town anyway. joined the boys for training, no, not to play of course. damien was being his usual self, and it was fun, i havent seen the club people for so long! cant wait for this years season again, though ben would hardly be a part of it this year since hes headed for rehab.

had dinner with serene at our favourite thai place on thursday and rushed back for maundy thursday service. and friday was spent brainlessly in front of the tv after service. thankfully i had kio and serene to drag me out for XLB at holland. even though the night was spent driving aimlessly around for 2 hours settling for coffee at starbucks in the end.

if i hadnt mentioned, i banged into a motorcyclist that same night. he was cutting out into my lane and iw as on the phone with kio. thankfully, we were all really slow since it was a red light. i bashed into his shoulder with my side view mirror and i got really freaked out. he was ok of course, but he kept banging on my window and showing me the finger, and fist and all. scary.

just when we thought we had nothing left to do together, we randomly decided that we should go groom our eyebrows on sat. haha. poor kio had to get it waxed. so funny, and spontaneous, i must add. we spent the entire afternoon at brekos before it happened. say, it was in celebration of my resignation :) had to rush home to meet yyong and all at home. feel kinda bad leaving them to rot without me at home.

i think its time to set my priorities right. more often than not, i get too caught up in the moment with some people, i neglect the rest. and it aint good. maybe its part of my nature to procrastinate. like, ah, they can wait. id tend to them later, but it really calls for a change. its time to set some things right, and do the things that i should have done a long time ago. say, cleaning my half rotting fish tank would be a good start ;)

i am sam

i dont think ive mentioned how bad my yacht charter went on saturday. its such a drag to tell it all over again and its funny thinking back, i dont think ive ever done that much bootlicking in one morning before. trying to appease someone aint all that easy. especially since theyre from belgium, and the language barrier was already a problem.

i managed to get through it nevertheless. hope they enjoyed their trip. spent the rest of the day at home, supposedly set to clean out the fish tank, but sat in front of the comp till serene and kio came over. how crazy a night it was. haha, sitting in pop's therapy room imagining we're in africa and such. hilarious.

we got down to km8 after that. to tanjong beach rather. didnt wanna drink, so we laid on the sand, staring straight up into the starless sky. we starting singing, the clouds started moving and by 2am, the stars were out. yay! we played the old school pepsicola123 too. haha. that was fun.

church was good today. met up with phoon joel and daph after church. mervin led for service. now this song keeps playing in my head - i can only imagine.

maybe its due to me spending the day home watching 'i am sam' with yyong, or my extremely reflective mood of late. i suddenly feel that i really need to start getting things right. like, theres so much things to accomplish. so many things to put into order. even stuff in church, and my relationship with God. time to get serious. time to rectify, time to press on..

i can only imagine..

I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When your face is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus?
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence?
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Halelluja?
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine when that day comes
And I find myself standing in the Son
I can only imagine when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus?
Or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence?
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Halelluja?
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine, yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine, yeah, yeah, yeah

Dishwalla

in every sense of that word, it got me terribly nostalgic. i can barely remember a saturday spent at home online, blasting mp3s. now, u see, this song came up. and it rudely reminded me of sometime beginning 2004, or was it the mid of '04. the time where the huge bunch of us were still really close. the 'canteen 1' gang or so we'd call. the times where we dominated the back row of seats. the large group of us, the peak of my poly life.

i dont think i could ever possibly describe how good life was treating me over the past 3 years. true, there were times that broke u and made u fall, but that was where u'd climb back up, with the hands to hold and friends to pull u back. ive made tons of friends, and even more so, a good bunch as well. but the circumstances dont allow for frequent meet ups. and thats the upsetting part.

i look back at 2004, i think, how different it possibly could have been. aye, ud say im behind by 2 years and should be reflecting on 05 yes? haha. one heck of a year it was for me. dishwalla, marcus, grace, all of us squished in the famous old blue mercs. spiderman and chong, and then there was u. thank you for being there. thank you for getting me out from a relationship headed straight for disaster, for holding me up, for being my pillar of strength, for standing strong even when the winds hit u hard, and yes, even when he came close to bashing you. for the many break ups, and the many make ups. my darling, my ben, i love you.

LY VELVET

my lastest craze of late. 'ly velvet'. haha. im still rather proud of my drink, i must add. its in the papers! haha.

tsk..what a way to start an entry after disappearing for over 3 months. i think i owe my blog a tad more than that.

nothings been constructively done for the past many months. rather depressing aye. ive been to work, out for drinks, then back home routinely almost every other day. i'd say, blame it all on serene and kio. my little advocates for staying out late. then again, i'm the one who'd rather stay out half the time anyway. hah!

so there was christmas, and the new year. which went pretty well for me, since i remember not working for a week or something. was on a really long MC, so time was well spent quietly. it was strange not spending new years with christine like how i'd always do for the last 3-4 years? time for a change? nah, there's always this year to catch up on the last.

we had dinner at jon's which wasnt anything like last year at oscars. it could have been alot better though, but it's alright. i remembered being really late coming only to finish up on the scraps, which was alot actually. i baked cheesecake and had baked rice. all's good with cheese, and more cheese. at least i had carolling that christmas :)

new years was spent party hopping. i met my classmates for dinner at xiaolongbao. no, wait..at the HEAVENLY xiaolongbao crystal jade, then made my way to xin's place with jay's car. he declared that he was gonna spend new years drunk, so i my as well fully utilise his car. haha. got to xin's but she apparently pulled out and pushed for a party later, so we headed down to manfred's to meet ben, then my place, then back to holland to pick hz and the drunkards up from wala, sent them home and rushed back to my place to catch the fireworks. one hell of a night it was, DRIVING. sheesh. could have spent it better i bet. the entire road was jammed up and we were stuck, in jays car, me at the wheel while the fireworks were exploding above our heads, totally blocked by the highway above us. there. my countdown, my start of the new year. haha. sent the rest home, got to manfred's, picked the drunkard ben and the guys, sent them to some dude's place, got to xin's. sent a couple of people home, and finally got back to bens at who knows what time. what a night it was. DRIVING. yes, i just cant seem to emphasize on that more.

we had tons of events following up after that. we had a really cool saab car launch event at olive, where there were these strange catwomen thingys walking around. we had my catamaran cruise where we spent most of the time, not overlooking the event, but eating and making merry, whilst sitting at the deck talking about our new year resolutions. we had our company's d&d as well. planned by me, mua, the head of MOE (ministry of entertainment) in office. we had events after events, clubbing nightouts after nightouts. and we got really close! somehow, or other.

then came CNY. packed with nothing but lousy angbao collections, and few laoing of yushengs. the only perk however, was catching fireworks at the 62nd floor at the swiss. my aunty booked 2 suites again this year. so that was pretty sweet. we even played tennis together as a family. kinda funny, and my dad's pretty darn good.

so that was that.

vday came up, we had a crazy one actually. not ben and i, but with the other couples on board for the valentines wine and dine. yes, i was working on vday as well. our boats went haywire. it was pure maddness, and valentines totally was kinda crappy but we still managed pretty well. ben wasnt one bit pleased, but he, being my extremely understanding boyfriend, held up well too.

kio serene and i went on a crazy restaurant, or more like a, xiaolongbao spree in march. haha. it was truly insane. but we became really darn tight i must say. even bens getting jealous. hah! gracie left for paris on the 18th, i finally applied for uni, cleared out some personal issues, and there. here i am, 3 months since i last updated.

one helluva crazy week i had. sunand and i meeting up on monday with our ridiculously crazy nut fight. haha. a nice get together with the boys on tuesday at bens, and not to mention, manfred being all over the news too with his car crash, gracie being snatched thieved on wed, and gracie again, breaking her arm whilst snowboarding on thursday, bens granddad suffering from a heart attack on fri, my major fish massacre today, and the giant screw up with this morning's harbour cruise. buttered up with a ton of flirting and boot licking! haha. what next man, God, really..what next?