And so this is Christmas...

It took me about 11 minutes combined with
some fervent prayer and brief fasting to come up with this title.
I feel good about it so I'm just going to go with it.
(It was either that or "Oh Tannenbaum")

I'm happy to announce we survived the Christmas over here.
It was full of last minute shopping
and endless rounds of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"
thanks to my kids who have now perfected that song in powerful decibels.

I'm happy to announce that the stockings were hung
by the fireplace this year
as opposed to other creative places.
(If you click on the link just beware of my mad rhyming skills)

I'm happy to announce that there were no casualties
with any of the manger scenes this year.
No broken Mary's or Joseph's.
No shattered wise men or shepherd's.
No missing sleeping cattle.
I did catch Macie on occasion eyeing the baby Jesus' thinking maybe,
just maybe she could hurry and collect them all and have her own
secret stash of baby Jesus'.
Sadly, all attempts of stealing the baby Jesus' were foiled.

I'm happy to announce I made my first debut
on the Christmas tree this year-- ornament style.
Yes, Abrie turned me into an ornament.
That's me, last Christmas fresh out of bed with no make-up on.
I didn't have the heart to take it down
and I don't think I have the heart to throw it away.
It just might make an appearance on our tree every year from now on.
This year when I woke up Christmas morning
I made sure to throw on some mascara and put on some blush.
I've learned my lesson.

I'm happy to announce we had a Mary & Joseph...

and a nearly perfect little angel.

I'm happy to announce that Christmas was, most definitely, a success!

and as far as announcements go, that's it for now...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
from us, to you

Levi Spandex

I made a solemn oath the day I saw skinny jeans coming back in style. I swore that day I would never fall victim to the 80's fashion comeback known as the skinny jeans or better yet, Levi spandex. Skinny Jeans weren't meant for people like me- they're meant for people like the Jonas brothers and the Olsen twins.

After all, who needs skinny jeans
when you can just peg your pants?

Well, the other day I gave in to peer pressure.
It wasn't my fault.
It was the sales people fault.
They're smart and cunning and full of flattery.

Let me rewind...
You see in Utah (and I don't know where else) they have parties.
But not just the regular kind of parties.
It all started with parties like Pampered Chef and Mary Kay.
Then it was candle parties,which soon led to jewelery parties and spa parties.
Now it's escalated into shoe parties and jean parties.
There's even fitness parties, photography parties, and other
unmentionable types of parties.

I've been to nearly all of these kinds of parties
(except to the unmentionable types of parties,
which shall remain unmentionable because this is a family blog.)

I don't go so much for the buying,
I go more to support hostess with the most-ess.
And the food. I go for the food.
For where there is food, I shall be found also.

So I went to a shoe party looking for shoes (and food). I found a couple pairs of shoes that called my name and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I wanted/needed to make them mine. Then the nice sales girl comes up to me and the conversation goes as follows,

Girl: "Oh, you have got to try on a pair of pants to go with those shoes!"
Me: "OK, but I'm not trying on any skinny jeans. I made an oath, you know."
The girl slips me a couple pairs of jeans.
Girl: "Now go try these on, but the rule is you HAVE to come out and show us all"
Me: "What? There's rules to shopping?"
This must be why I've never been any good at it.

I come out in jeans #1:
The girl and her friends oooo and ahhhh over how cute they are.
My self esteem goes up.

Then I try on jeans #2 (which happens to be the skinny jeans):
I hang my head in embarrassment as I walk out to show the girl.

Me: Nearly laughing, "I feel like I'm in some bad 80's movie!"
Then I proceed to do some Jane Fonda/Flash Dance moves-- arms flailing and legs running in place with the song, "She's a maniac, maniac..." playing in my head.
Me: "Now all I need are some leg warmers!"
Girl: "Oh, we've got those too!"

...silence...

The girl and her friends ooooo and ahhhh even more for the skinny jeans.
Self esteem goes up even more.
They insist that I can't live without these skinny jeans.
I reluctantly give in.
And now I am the new owner of skinny jeans (and some happy yellow shoes).

I apologize to friends and family who took the anti-skinny jean oath with me.
I'm a trader. I realize that.
I can promise you however, that I will never fall victim to the fashion tragedy called harem pants...

Now STOP. Hammer time.

Lets Talk: the wrapping debate

To wrap or not to wrap,

that is the question.

Image via BHG.com

There has been a long running debate at my house and this debate all revolves around wrapping gifts under the Christmas tree.

One of us grew up with all the gifts from Santa unwrapped and placed in glorious piles...

The other grew up with a Santa that wrapped every present perfectly even down to the last candy bar in the stocking...

So I want to know, how does Santa work at your house?
Is he pro or anti wrapping?

As for mine and Nate's debate that happens every year?
No worries. It's nothing a little marriage counseling can't handle.

Christmas Listing: Take One

Each year before Christmas I sit down with the kids.

I explain to them that Christmas is not just about receiving gifts.

It's about giving.

(preferably to their Mom & Dad)
It's about doing service.

(preferably for their Mom & Dad)

It's about showing love.

(preferably to their Mom & Dad)

(oh, and to each other would be nice)

It's about foot rubs & back massages.

(preferably for Mom)

And it's about the occasional

breakfasts in bed & sleeping in.

(again, for Mom. Nate take note).

I tell them to try to remember what's really important this time of year.

Then I throw them the toy catalogues, scissors, tape, & glue

and say, "Alright kids, it's time to make your Christmas lists to Santa!"

And they frantically tear through the pages ripping & cutting, gluing & taping.

(Santa's a visual person. He (I) needs pictures to help him out. Plus the kids love it!)

Well, this year I was running a little low on toy catalogues
so the Pottery Barn and the Land of Nod magazines had to suffice...
at least for now anyway.

I remember my lists, all scribbled out and barely legible.

I was sure Santa could read it- he's good at stuff like that.
I would lie down in my bed at night and my mind would race with all of the Christmas listing possibilities....

-A karaoke machine with the song I Saw the Sign...

(and it opened up my eyes. I saw the sign...)

-A pet Cockatiel

-A colorful assortment of neon scrunchies

-A green pair of Gerbaud jeans that would be perfect for pegging

-A set of slap bracelets (before the infamous ban)

-And a plaid blazer with just the right height of shoulder pads

Sadly Santa never followed through with this last one.
I guess there's always this year.

(Fingers crossed)

My Official Review: Drag Me to Hell

(or if you prefer Nate's censored version, Drag Me to "H")

This movie came highly recommended to me... by one person.
This person shall remain nameless.
Not because I want to protect the identity of the person,
but because I can't remember who that person is.
There's no shame in my game.
Their name would be typed in big BOLD lettering just to single them out
because I just waisted an HOUR & a HALF of my precious life...
Do you know how much contemplating of nothingness I could have accomplished in that HOUR & a HALF? Lots.

How about a highlight?

I'll set up the scene:
The lead female character is depressed from being chased by shadow demon monsters so naturally she sits down to eat a tub of chocolate ice cream... because chocolate makes everything better- even if you're being terrorized by demons.

The supportive boyfriend walks in, casually sits down next to his woman to comfort her and says, "I thought you were lactose intolerant?"

So profound.

But not as profound as the scene where the goat gets possessed and starts speaking in tongues.

No worries on waisting your time to see this one.
I already did that for you.