And so this is Christmas...

It took me about 11 minutes combined with
some fervent prayer and brief fasting to come up with this title.
I feel good about it so I'm just going to go with it.
(It was either that or "Oh Tannenbaum")

I'm happy to announce we survived the Christmas over here.
It was full of last minute shopping
and endless rounds of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"
thanks to my kids who have now perfected that song in powerful decibels.

I'm happy to announce that the stockings were hung
by the fireplace this year
as opposed to other creative places.
(If you click on the link just beware of my mad rhyming skills)

I'm happy to announce that there were no casualties
with any of the manger scenes this year.
No broken Mary's or Joseph's.
No shattered wise men or shepherd's.
No missing sleeping cattle.
I did catch Macie on occasion eyeing the baby Jesus' thinking maybe,
just maybe she could hurry and collect them all and have her own
secret stash of baby Jesus'.
Sadly, all attempts of stealing the baby Jesus' were foiled.

I'm happy to announce I made my first debut
on the Christmas tree this year-- ornament style.
Yes, Abrie turned me into an ornament.
That's me, last Christmas fresh out of bed with no make-up on.
I didn't have the heart to take it down
and I don't think I have the heart to throw it away.
It just might make an appearance on our tree every year from now on.
This year when I woke up Christmas morning
I made sure to throw on some mascara and put on some blush.
I've learned my lesson.

I'm happy to announce we had a Mary & Joseph...

and a nearly perfect little angel.

I'm happy to announce that Christmas was, most definitely, a success!

and as far as announcements go, that's it for now...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
from us, to you

Levi Spandex

I made a solemn oath the day I saw skinny jeans coming back in style. I swore that day I would never fall victim to the 80's fashion comeback known as the skinny jeans or better yet, Levi spandex. Skinny Jeans weren't meant for people like me- they're meant for people like the Jonas brothers and the Olsen twins.

After all, who needs skinny jeans
when you can just peg your pants?

Well, the other day I gave in to peer pressure.
It wasn't my fault.
It was the sales people fault.
They're smart and cunning and full of flattery.

Let me rewind...
You see in Utah (and I don't know where else) they have parties.
But not just the regular kind of parties.
It all started with parties like Pampered Chef and Mary Kay.
Then it was candle parties,which soon led to jewelery parties and spa parties.
Now it's escalated into shoe parties and jean parties.
There's even fitness parties, photography parties, and other
unmentionable types of parties.

I've been to nearly all of these kinds of parties
(except to the unmentionable types of parties,
which shall remain unmentionable because this is a family blog.)

I don't go so much for the buying,
I go more to support hostess with the most-ess.
And the food. I go for the food.
For where there is food, I shall be found also.

So I went to a shoe party looking for shoes (and food). I found a couple pairs of shoes that called my name and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I wanted/needed to make them mine. Then the nice sales girl comes up to me and the conversation goes as follows,

Girl: "Oh, you have got to try on a pair of pants to go with those shoes!"
Me: "OK, but I'm not trying on any skinny jeans. I made an oath, you know."
The girl slips me a couple pairs of jeans.
Girl: "Now go try these on, but the rule is you HAVE to come out and show us all"
Me: "What? There's rules to shopping?"
This must be why I've never been any good at it.

I come out in jeans #1:
The girl and her friends oooo and ahhhh over how cute they are.
My self esteem goes up.

Then I try on jeans #2 (which happens to be the skinny jeans):
I hang my head in embarrassment as I walk out to show the girl.

Me: Nearly laughing, "I feel like I'm in some bad 80's movie!"
Then I proceed to do some Jane Fonda/Flash Dance moves-- arms flailing and legs running in place with the song, "She's a maniac, maniac..." playing in my head.
Me: "Now all I need are some leg warmers!"
Girl: "Oh, we've got those too!"

...silence...

The girl and her friends ooooo and ahhhh even more for the skinny jeans.
Self esteem goes up even more.
They insist that I can't live without these skinny jeans.
I reluctantly give in.
And now I am the new owner of skinny jeans (and some happy yellow shoes).

I apologize to friends and family who took the anti-skinny jean oath with me.
I'm a trader. I realize that.
I can promise you however, that I will never fall victim to the fashion tragedy called harem pants...

Now STOP. Hammer time.

Lets Talk: the wrapping debate

To wrap or not to wrap,

that is the question.

Image via BHG.com

There has been a long running debate at my house and this debate all revolves around wrapping gifts under the Christmas tree.

One of us grew up with all the gifts from Santa unwrapped and placed in glorious piles...

The other grew up with a Santa that wrapped every present perfectly even down to the last candy bar in the stocking...

So I want to know, how does Santa work at your house?
Is he pro or anti wrapping?

As for mine and Nate's debate that happens every year?
No worries. It's nothing a little marriage counseling can't handle.

Christmas Listing: Take One

Each year before Christmas I sit down with the kids.

I explain to them that Christmas is not just about receiving gifts.

It's about giving.

(preferably to their Mom & Dad)
It's about doing service.

(preferably for their Mom & Dad)

It's about showing love.

(preferably to their Mom & Dad)

(oh, and to each other would be nice)

It's about foot rubs & back massages.

(preferably for Mom)

And it's about the occasional

breakfasts in bed & sleeping in.

(again, for Mom. Nate take note).

I tell them to try to remember what's really important this time of year.

Then I throw them the toy catalogues, scissors, tape, & glue

and say, "Alright kids, it's time to make your Christmas lists to Santa!"

And they frantically tear through the pages ripping & cutting, gluing & taping.

(Santa's a visual person. He (I) needs pictures to help him out. Plus the kids love it!)

Well, this year I was running a little low on toy catalogues
so the Pottery Barn and the Land of Nod magazines had to suffice...
at least for now anyway.

I remember my lists, all scribbled out and barely legible.

I was sure Santa could read it- he's good at stuff like that.
I would lie down in my bed at night and my mind would race with all of the Christmas listing possibilities....

-A karaoke machine with the song I Saw the Sign...

(and it opened up my eyes. I saw the sign...)

-A pet Cockatiel

-A colorful assortment of neon scrunchies

-A green pair of Gerbaud jeans that would be perfect for pegging

-A set of slap bracelets (before the infamous ban)

-And a plaid blazer with just the right height of shoulder pads

Sadly Santa never followed through with this last one.
I guess there's always this year.

(Fingers crossed)

My Official Review: Drag Me to Hell

(or if you prefer Nate's censored version, Drag Me to "H")

This movie came highly recommended to me... by one person.
This person shall remain nameless.
Not because I want to protect the identity of the person,
but because I can't remember who that person is.
There's no shame in my game.
Their name would be typed in big BOLD lettering just to single them out
because I just waisted an HOUR & a HALF of my precious life...
Do you know how much contemplating of nothingness I could have accomplished in that HOUR & a HALF? Lots.

How about a highlight?

I'll set up the scene:
The lead female character is depressed from being chased by shadow demon monsters so naturally she sits down to eat a tub of chocolate ice cream... because chocolate makes everything better- even if you're being terrorized by demons.

The supportive boyfriend walks in, casually sits down next to his woman to comfort her and says, "I thought you were lactose intolerant?"

So profound.

But not as profound as the scene where the goat gets possessed and starts speaking in tongues.

No worries on waisting your time to see this one.
I already did that for you.

Blogging?

What's that?!

Oh, is it that thing where I sit down and write about completely random, unimportant things and ramble on like a crazy woman-

kind of like what I'm doing right now?

I must admit, I've lost that blogging feelin'.

(sing it with me now)
Whoa, that blogging feelin'.

I've lost that blogging feelin'
now it's gone...
gone...
gone...
woooooah!

Just not much going on.

So today, as I laid on my couch contemplating nothingness,

Abrie walked in from school.

I greeted her with my toes.

(that means I love her)

And when she frantically pushes my feet away with wild laughter

it means she secretly likes it.

(it also means she loves me back. I think.)

Don't you wish you could be greeted by my toes every time you walked in the door, or better yet, came to this blog?

So then Abrie took my camera, the one that weighs roughly the size of a small over-weight child.
She proceeded to direct me,

"Mom, show me your smile"
"Now you're really sad"
"K, now pose"
"Now be silly, really silly"
"Now look away from me"...

How about an outtake?

I'm not quite sure what pose your getting here. I think it's the turn-my-face-to-hide-my-zit-and-be-careful-not-to-show-my-steamy-hot-braces pose.

See what I mean? There's not much to blog about.

And now for more excitement, I'm about to watch Drag Me to Hell.
(if you're Nate it's called Drag Me to "H".)
Stay posted for my official review. You know it's going to be good when I use the word OFFICIAL.

She's Thankful

Said randomly while watching [an educational packed] Dora the Explorer:

"Mom, thank you for warming up my

sghetti-O's for breakfast."

Two seconds later she's zoned right back out
watching Boots & Dora save the crystal kingdom.
(Again, very educational.)

Just imagine the thank you's I get when I actually cook in the morning instead of warming up yesterday's left-overs for breakfast.

In my defense, she requested the spaghetti'O's. It was either that or the hot dog and ham & cheese sandwich she so desperately wanted. She hasn't quite figured out that breakfast food is the best kind of food.

.

Dear Kaleb,

Today was a rough one.
Especially the part where we were driving in the car & I threatened you with your life and then you called me on it yelling,

“You can’t do anything to me. We’re driving!”

You’re a smart one, you are.
And cute-- which is a great survival tactic. Heavenly Father sure knew what he was doing when he made you.

‘You might want to wrap me up in duct tape,
but I’m so cute the only thing you’ll manage to do is kiss and hug me to death’

You continue to teach me patience.
You continue to teach me unconditional love.
You continue to teach me to speak soft.
You continue to teach me how much better of a person/Mom I need to be.

And all this time I thought I was the one that was supposed to be doing the teaching.

Before & After :: Mi Casa

Dear Internet,

Let me welcome you into my home.

If I knew you were coming I would have cleaned up a bit, maybe even done a couple of dishes and then spray my house with Lysol so you would think I just cleaned... but I didn't' have time to do all that and I'm way beyond trying to make a good impression.

So here is my kitchen, well, at least part of it. Wet wipes... legos anyone?

One of the first home projects I so lovingly added to Nate's honey-do list was our bar. The bar just happens to be one of the main focal points in our home and it was feeling sad, and blah, and it needed some love- desperate love.

And who am I to withhold love from any person and/or bar?

Before the bar was just plain thin pressed wood.
It was OK, but it was sad. Very sad. Remember?


I/we had a plan for it. And that plan included:

- bead board..... $30
- 11/16 in. x 2 1/2 trim..... $30
- custom decorative trim..... $20
- new corbels..... $32
- a little distressing (my kids did that for free)
- and white paint with an antique glaze..... $10 & $15

We put the plan into action and this was the end result:


First thing we/Nate did was frame around the bar with the 11/16 in. x 2 1/2 trim. (we used larger trim for the bottom)

After the trim was in place we cut the bead board to fit,
slapped on some liquid nails,
and then used some small finishing nails to ensure it stays in place.

My brother-in-law, who is an amazing carpenter, helped us out by making us some custom decorative trim to place in between the lip of the 11/16 in. x 2 1/2 trim and the bead board. Not only does it give it that extra little somethin'-somethin', but it covers up and mistakes you might have made, say like accidentally cutting the bead board a little crooked. ;)

If you don't happen to have brother-in-law who also is a pro-carpenter, no fear. You can pick up some decorative trim from your local home improvement store.

The last thing to put up are your corbels. The price of corbels varies in all ranges. We got ours for a great deal of $8 each. I wanted to keep it clean and simple and I think that's exactly the look the corbels give it.

After that you just fill in any of the nail holes and gaps with a little putty and paintable caulk, sand and distress, and you're good to go!

Total cost of the whole project = $150(ish)

I say, totally worth it! It changes the whole feel to the house.
Not sad, not blah, and it's definitely feelin' the love.

Things I've learned:
- When buying a house make sure a Home depot is at least within a mile radius.
- Sponge brushes are my friends.
- Don't use home depot paint.
- Glazing is hard.
- Making it look like Macie didn't paint the whole thing is harder.
- Keep lots of paint thinner on hand.
- It's good to have a husband who's handy.
- Having a hot handy man is the next best thing to a good looking pool boy...
- Just minus the speedo.
- Unless your handy man likes to wear speedo's.
- Mine doesn't.


More before's & after's :: Mi Casa's to come...
(I can only post them as fast as we get them done and at the rate we're going it's not very fast)

Joining the Masses

Not to be confused with going to mass.
(Not that there's anything wrong with that)

Just thought I'd join all the other bloggers
and do my obligatory Halloween post.

Macie was a princess (and a mighty cute one might I add).
Abrie was a cowgirl with 6 freckles (all real cowgirls have freckles... I think)
Kaleb was a half hearted pirate with a case of the swine flu
(self diagnosed... I'm pretty much like a doctor,
just minus the massive amounts of schooling and a degree)

Halloween highlights:
Hanging out with family
Chili-dogs and donuts
The kids waiting by the door to pass out candy
(I used to love to pass out candy when I was little. It made me feel big)
Watching the world series.
Having my couches full of bodies to sit on them.
(I love having people over in my very own home)
And watching Macie skip carefree down the side walk
in her bright hot pink army boots,
with her little kitty trick-or-treating bag in tote,
and the biggest smile across her 3 year old face.

Free candy? Dressing up like a princess? This must be heaven.

P.S. I photoshopped (swapped) one of the kids head in the above picture.
P.P.S. Can you guess who?
P.P.P.S. Never mind.
P.P.P.P.S. Don't guess.
P.P.P.P.P.S. You might hurt my feelings.
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I posted some more Halloween pictures HERE.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I've eaten way too much of my kids candy.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Don't mind all the P.S'
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And the (parenthesis).
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. It's just a mild side effect of the sugar high.

Well that explains it

According to Nate;
Girls don't ever go to bathroom.
And girls never ever have gas.
And girls don't have any other bodily functions that could be found
repelling to the opposite sex.
Ever.

So maybe that could explain my excessive amounts of irritability lately.
Just a thought.

Pumpkin Carving Fools

We carved then...
(with claw bangs and pants pulled up high)

And we carve now...

except this time with three little kidlets of our own.

Nate will teach them the ways of the pumpkin carve.

And I will teach them how not to carve a pumpkin.

(I'm pumpkin carve challenged)

Highlight:

Kaleb dry heaving while cleaning out the pumpkin. Please note the gloves.
Pumpkin carving is not for the faint of heart.

I'm just excited we added to my one lone Halloween decoration.


.

The Definition of a Bubble Bath

The bigger the jets, the better the bubbles.

The better the bubbles, the bigger the mess.

And the the bigger the mess, the better the fun.

The kids made sure to leave lots of fun all around the bathroom for me.

They're thoughtful like that.

Time for some more random

1. I have pan full of brownies... again.
2. But this time I opted to eat some carrot cake.
3. To be exact, I had 2 slices for lunch yesterday and for dessert a brownie.
4. Today I had fish and green beans for lunch.
5. Then 2 slices of carrot cake (with cream cheese frosting).
6. Why do I always feel the need to make confessions on this blog?
7. I'm really a shoe size 7.5 but I tell people I wear size 7.
8.There I go again.

9. I think I'm coming down with the swine flu.
10. It's my fault
11. I didn't wash my hands good enough after reading my sister-in-laws post about being sick and afflicted with the H1N1 virus.
12. Make sure to wash your hands twice after reading this blog.
13. And double up on the hand sanitizer.
14. I might be contagious.

15. Contradictory to this recent post, I found this pillow from Pier1 that I must have.



15. It makes me feel all sorts of HAPPY.
17. Plus it's on SALE.

18. Nate and I had a discussion about making out in high school
19. He made reference to a friend and used the phrase, "He totally pieced her"
20. I corrected him, "I think you mean getting a piece dear"
21. Was it really that long ago?

22. Nate, if it makes you feel any better,
23. I would have totally pieced you in high school.
24. Multiple times.


25. Question is, would you have totally pieced me?

Giveaway

I'm giving away a family photo shoot over on No Biggie.


Head on over there to enter.

Now I shall copy & paste from my photography blog because I'm too lazy to write anything different.

What to do:
Click on over to Kami's blog and check out the details.
• Leave a comment professing your deepest love for me despite the fact that I'm a deeply flawed individual.
• All professing love comments should be followed by an enthusiastic "AMEN!"
(not mandatory, but strongly suggested. Usage of the word "AMEN" will not increase odds of winning)
• Then sit tight and wait for the winner to be chosen Tuesday, October 27th.

Good luck!

It's All About the Benjamins

I have a thing with money.
I like it.
The only thing I like more than money is having it.

Ever since I was little I was a saver.

Money earned babysitting... I saved it.
Birthday money from Grandma's & Grandpas... I saved it.
Pennies found on the ground... I saved it.
Money I stole borrowed from my brother... well, I spent that.

But you get the picture.

Now that I'm older nothing has changed.
I still like money,
I still save,
but I've stopped stealing borrowing money from my brother.

The problem I have is that I can't spend money.

It physically pains me every time I spend money.

(visualize me doubled over at the cashiers desk breathing heavily into a paper bag, hand clasped over my heart)

And buyers remorse? I get that.

Nothing feels better than standing at the customer service desk, returning my items, and having the clerk hand me back my money.

I have problems. I realize that.

Is there some sort of support group for this?

Now accepting applications

In light of the recent move, I have had several friendship positions open up. I am now accepting applications for full & part time friends. *Benefits included.

Personal information:

Full Name:
Date of Birth:
Mothers Maiden Name:
Social Security #:
Credit Card # and Expiration:
(A small nominal fee will automatically be withdrawn from your bank account each month to cover your friendship dues.)

General information:

I am seeking a permanent position Yes____ No____

Present or Last Friendship: _______________________________________

Reason for leaving (if applicable)____________________________________

Available start date:__________

(must be willing to work holidays, late nights, and weekends)

Have you ever been convicted of a crime? __ Yes __ No

If yes, explain number of conviction(s), nature of offense(s) leading to conviction(s), how recently such offense(s) was/were committed, sentence(s) imposed, and type(s) of rehabilitation.
________________________________________________________________________________

Please list your areas of highest proficiency, special skills, or other items that may contribute to your abilities in performing this friendship position. ________________________________________________________________________________

How do you feel about sarcasm?

Sarcasm is scar-casm_____ I’m neutral____ It pleases me deeply _____

Please rate your level of expertise in the following areas on a scale of 1-10:

Back rubs ______
Foot rubs ________
Courtesy laugh ______
Home cooked dinners______
Awesomeness ________


Multiple choice:

1. If it was 11:37 pm and I called in need of a pseudo therapy session would you:

A. Accidentally hang up on me and then accidentally forget to place the phone back on the receiver.
B. Answer the phone but say, “Tank you fo calleen Wongs Café. You like some ham fry rice too-ni?”
C. Forward all my calls to my cell phone.
D. Answer the phone and counsel. All those hours of watching Dr. Phil are about to pay off.

2. “Hey [insert applicants name here], do these jeans look too tight on me?”
Your answer would be:

A. Pfft, no! Don’t you watch the Jonas Brothers? Tight is good.
B. Sa-weet! Jeans that double as spandex!
C. It’s not that those jeans look too tight on you; it’s just that you should probably put them back in Abrie’s closet.
D. So, is a camel toe just as lucky as a rabbit’s foot?

3. I’m in desperate need of a night out, do you:

A. Suggest a late night grocery shopping trip.
B. Offer to let me come over to your house to watch your kids.
C. Suggest a late night grocery shopping trip and then offer to let me come over to your house to watch your kids.
D. Kid nap me and take me to the local cold stone, because nothing fills desperation and boredom up like a large 'gotta have it' chocolate ice cream (and diet coke).


*Benefits include being my friend, killer Sunday roasts, your own special ring tone, finding a place on my top 10 speed dial, and earning the title of Breast Friend.

Please send all applications ATTENTION:Ginnie
All applicants will thoroughly be reviewed and considered.
Flattery will not ensure a friendship position, but it may increase your odds.
Bribery also helps as well.
So does chocolate.

And pedicures.
And those yummy lil' smokies smothered in BBQ sauce.

And maybe a sonic strawberry limeade with the perfect crunchy ice.

And diamonds, lots of diamonds.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Currently

There is a half eaten jar of baby dill pickles sitting on the counter.
There is a cup of spilled sugar trailing from the pantry to kitchen.
There is an opened box of Lucky Charms laying on the floor.
There are scattered charms of luck hiding underneath the table.
There is a ziploc baggie sitting on the rocking chair stuffed full of Lucky Charms.
And in that ziploc bag there are plenty of frosted toasted oat cereal pieces,
but not a marshmallow in sight.

Macie is hungry.

Decorations, Bunco, ADD, Decorations, Bunco

This is the extent of my Halloween decor.

One sad, lonely little pumpkin that I won in a skillful game of Bunco--

because Bunco is all skill and no luck.

It was the first time I had ever played Bunco.

It can get pretty intense with a room full of women frantically throwing dice--

and cue the flying wax and the screaming hostess...

But now I've moved on from Bunco to hard core gambling
and late night trips to Reno.
Must.Roll.Dice.
Bunco was just the stepping stone to my new addiction.

Now that I'm off topic and used the word Bunco 6 too many times...

Blame it on the ADD...

My Mom always said I had ADD...

My Mom makes really good hot fudge...

Hot fudge would be perfect on some Cold Stone cake batter ice cream...

Cold Stone is good, but Rita's is heaven...

If I want to go to heaven I should probably stop gambling...

I've actually never gambled in my life...

That's a lie, I have gambled. I won $120 off of $5 in a game of Spanish blackjack and I don't even speak Spanish...

Oh, look! Something shiny...

So where was I?

Halloween decorations or the lack there of.

I really feel bad about my non-Halloween decorations.

I know I am depriving my kidlets of fond childhood memories like the ones I have;

carefully pulling out the balloon pumpkin from its dusty brown box,

hanging the huge prickly spider from the antique light in the entryway,

and the cackling witch that would sound any time a loud noise was made--

it cackled more often than not.

I think it's time to get crafting and hit the local target.

Or just wait a few weeks for it to all go on sale,

stock up,

and then make memories next year.

So, anyone want to play Bunco or better yet, hit the slots in Reno?

Green Thumb

Weeds...

We know how to grow 'em.

Next years to-do list:
Landscape