Attachment

It has been a month since we have had Quinn home. I dont know what has been harder, the first two weeks or the last. The first two weeks we were sleep deprived and had hope things would be better with more sleep, but we have started to get more sleep and its still hard. We have days where we wonder if it will always be like this. We ran across this article from a mom who had adopted and if we are being honest, there are times we can relate. Its not easy having our life turned upside down. its not just parenthood, its parent with a very active child who is still transitioning and so are we. Does he feel like "ours"..well, yes. But also no. We are still waiting for that moment  - just as the writer describes in the link mentioned above.

We had our first visit with the social worker on Wednesday. We have one at month1,3,5 and then annually. It went as well as it could. One of my questions to him was when other people could start to hold Quinn. He said AT LEAST 6 months. This was a disappointment, but then he explained why and it made sense. Not only does Quinn not know who is parents are, (though he is starting too!), we also want to make sure what he has learned about a parent, that they are special, that you have a different bond with them, stays with him. If everyone is feeding him, holding, him, changing him, putting him to sleep, he can learn that everyone is a parent which is not good either. It it like the saying you can do a few things well or many things mediocre. He could bond with a lot at a mediocre level and not learn again the close attachment. Our social worker recommended this article for us to read. We found it to be a helpful reminder. Even though it was helpful, we still could use a break here and there, even if just for a few hours.

Quinn has been very hit or miss in his temperament the last few days.  We went to give him a bath last night and all seemed OK (see example 1 below)

and then a second later  - meltdown. (see example 2 below)

Thats the "I am soooo upset" under bite teeth baring look. I usually post the happy pictures which leaves a one sided view. I talk about how hard it is and then show happy laughing pictures.Well, now you get to see the OTHER face. Poor thing. He usually LOVES bath time and he all of a sudden looked at me like I was  a stranger and started violently screaming and crying. He had been napping and I wondered if he had not really been awake and was then startled when he became fully awake. It scared us. He would not let us leave his side. So the three of us sat together until he started to feel safe again. Eventually, he went up to Paul and gave him a hug, then me, then Paul, then me until he felt OK and save enough to go to bed. He had a chickenpox shot a few weeks ago and we have noticed a few spots on his head, so maybe he has a few and is not feeling well. It was a live vaccine and I guess that can happen. We are seeing what happens today.