(From April.)
I certainly have a lot to blog about- to catch up on- Birthday Season, end of school, dance recital, etc. There are several reasons I've been so absent. I've been quite busy getting used to having a busy (very busy!) toddler in the house again. Being a mama to FOUR babies keeps me busy as well. I have been sick a LOT this spring, and if I was well, then one or more of my kids were sick. Plus, to be really honest, I've been pretty blue about losing my Papa. He was an avid reader of my blog, and I know he really enjoyed it. Sitting down to write and knowing he won't be reading on his laptop on Orchard Street is almost too much to take. I can imagine him sitting there, reading, chuckling, calling his house cleaner in to see a picture or listen to a story, but knowing that he's not there is just so hard. I know he was 86. I know he smoked for years. I know we were so very fortunate to have him as much as we did and to have him be such a huge, wonderful, special, integral part of our lives. But. He has left a huge void. I miss him SO much. So, so much. Before I tackle all the blogging that I'd like to do, I want to write a little about the weekend in Idaho we spent remembering my sweet Papa.
I cried all the way to Idaho, and pretty much all through the weekend. There were laughs too, of course, but man, I was
sad. I still am. It's been over 2 months and I am still seriously
sad.
We got there Wednesday night. The service was Friday. We stayed at my grandparents house. The first thing I did when I got to his house was find his been green coat, to hug and smell. He wasn't there though, at all. By Thursday evening most family from out of town had arrived. Being with them, especially Papa's generation was sweet and brought me a lot of peace. But at the end of the night, there was still no Papa. No Papa to link arms with on the couch. No Papa drinking coffee at the table. No Papa telling stories in the quiet way only he could.
The service Friday was beautiful. The pastor told us there were more than 400 people there. My grandfather was a quiet farmer, and we were all floored at how many people he'd touched. Berkley put together an incredible slide show, beginning with my 3 Bigs saying the Pledge of Alleigance at the flag in front of Papa's house, and ending with Papa leaving the nursing home for the last time, under colors. In between were many pictures of Papa's life and there wasn't a dry eye in the house. The hardest thing was how sad my kids were. Sweet Garrett was just sobbing, we all were, really. My own sorrow was so much greater because of theirs. They truly loved Papa, and I feel so blessed that my kids got to know and love my grandpa! How awesome is that?? It makes the goodbye so much harder though, really. The
golf cart rides,
Trick or Treating at his house, ice cream cones, $2 bills, and care packages. So many great memories!
All my kids have a picture playing in Papa's cowboy boots.
The cemetery was beautiful, complete with the Color Guard.
By Friday night we were all completely drained and wiped out. We hadn't even made it over to Boise to see my Grammy yet. Her Alzheimer's has progressed to the point that our family decided not to tell her about Papa. It was a hard decision, but we all agreed it was best for her. It had been quite a while since she knew any of us, but on Saturday we went to visit. I have to tell you, that visit was one of the innumerable blessings surrounding that weekend. My mom went to get Grammy and when they walked into the room, tears were streaming down my mom's face. "She knows me," she said. And she did. She was more alert and lucid than she'd been for months. She really knew who we were, maybe not our names, but knew we'd traveled far to be there and that we were her family. She loved the kids and was just so thrilled to see us all. Such a change from our last visits where she was completely disengaged. Losing Papa without having Grammy there to lean on felt like losing both of them, really. To have her be so present that day was truly a gift from God. The next day was Easter and so her facility hosted an egg hunt and games. It was sunny and fun.
And, for the first time in my life, Easter was on my birthday this year. We had brunch at our favorite spot in Nampa, said our teary goodbyes, and headed home. My sweet family tried so hard to make it special for me, and Joel even stopped at every Starbucks I requested with no complaints. Still, it was one of the worst birthdays ever (a toss up with my 24th when I was miserably sick with strep and was up with baby Maddy puking every 15 minutes). I was just so sad and so drained. We got home and ordered my favorite pizza and salad, and Joel stopped at Rose's to get a yummy dessert. (I do have a very sweet family!)
Fam after Easter Brunch. I really am a fan of this crew.
Birthday Mama, home again. I am pretty positive I forgot to make a wish.
And so. I'm still waiting for the '
laughter after all the crying's done', but I think we are getting closer. We have so much to be thankful for; in Papa's life and his passing. But dang, we're sure going to miss him.
