Sometimes the tough stuff in life gets so intertwined with the beauty and wonder that I'm not sure if I'm about to cry because I'm full of thanks or full of grief.
Lately it's been a bit of both.
(These pictures are slightly blurry, I know. But it's what I have right now, so they are going up!)
I've been to Idaho twice in the past 2 weeks. The kids and I went with my mom during Spring Break. Rebeka got to meet some of the most special people in my life. The first new person she met was my Papa. He was waiting for us when we pulled up to my Aunt's house- anxious to meet his newest Great Granddaughter. Papa, who is nearly 86 (I think), has been reading our blog and following our adventure. I'm so thankful he got to meet our sweet girl. He was a big fan of her, and the feeling was mutual. She showed him all her tricks- clapping, waving, peekaboo, 'SO BIG', and she even blew him a kiss.
The next day we went to visit Grammy in her new care center. I've written about Grammy a while back- how she has Alzheimer's Disease and what a stretch it's been for our family. She's to the point where she doesn't know us, and it's tough. But she's sweet and she was happy to meet Rebeka. I could tell she had a question while we 'visited' (I use that term loosely), but she just couldn't find the words. Finally, she got it out. "Where is she from?" I explained to her that Rebeka was from Africa and that we adopted her, we're her family now. Grammy smiled, "And you love her." Those four words were a gift to me, I felt like even though things are so hazy and foggy for Grammy these days, that she did 'get' it, as much as she could. It was good.
My Papa didn't feel great while we were there and a couple of days after we left, he was admitted to the hospital again. After a pretty scary week, my mom went over there and joined her siblings in spending time with him, talking to doctors, making plans and decisions. This past Friday Berkley and I decided that we wanted to see our Papa with our own eyes, so we (along with Rebeka) flew over while my sweet husband held down the fort with our 3 Bigs. My grandpa is doing (relatively) better, and we spent a precious weekend talking with him and just being. He was able to enjoy Rebeka, even from his hospital bed, and I was able to listen to his stories, hold his hand, and listen to him brag to the nurses about his family. We (the family) belly laughed at times, we cried, and we were quiet. It was so hard, and so good.
Ultimately we do and we don't know what the future holds. We know that at some point our number is up. We don't know when that will be, for any of us, really. I'm working on being in this moment, right now, instead of being full of grief about what's coming or what's passed. It's awfully tricky sometimes, but I have so much for which to be thankful. For starters, that all 4 of my kids met and loved my Papa. And my 3 oldest kids loved and knew my Grammy. That, in itself is pretty remarkable. Add that to the fact that I got to grow up with Grammy and Papa loving me unconditionally, and then throw in the rest of my awesome family, and I'm
overwhelmed with blessings.
