sober

so since october 25 i stopped smoking maryjane. not even brownies or ice cream. it has made me sober, bored most times, ansty and just really really bored. most things are still the same like watching funny movies (not high) and eating bomb food (not high). it's good i'm not high going to places i guess.. i was talking to my classmate and i don't know i guess people who are really closed minded really do judge and don't understand. of course he told me everything he "knew" about why i'm better off not being high, but fuck that. i love how i feel when i'm on it, i don't do anything stupid, my friends and i are smart about certain things too. i just need to vent because this fool is bugging not only about my weed-dependancy but also on everything else that annoys me. anyway, so trying the whole sober thing isn't too bad, there are nights when i really do miss it. i'm really trying to do well in school it's a busy next weeks and hopefully finals won't be too rough if i do well in these next weeks. i remember i used to always do homework high at brian's and it was my best semester (gpa-wise). i'm just being a baby and complaining about something that is really good for me for the next few months (save $ and also trying to get a job so i can save up to move out). the end.

i missed out on wednesday night study/watch tv/fuck night. i hate how he ignored me last weekend, but then again maybe i was too drunk to notice? he could have at least said hi though. i think making him wait till next weekend is punishment enough.... but then why would i punish myself? last weekend i did something bad. i feel so slutty.

i went over tonight. i like watching tv with him. i like what happens after. i like gatoraid after.
too bad it's just.. well... just that.

survivor

so it's been getting to me this whole "booty call" thing when in fact it could be just that, but then again it could be more. today we watched movies and then just talked, he let me borrow a book and when i was leaving offered to help me with spanish during the week. last last week when i went over it was totally friendship-wise, and i guess on weekends and i'm in the area (which is almost alwasys) i just happen to be available right? lin says to play hard to get, which what you are supposed to do, but whatever we have doesn't fit the norms. more-than-booty-call-friends-with-benefits-not-awkard-when-we're-chillin-and-not-screwing. whatever, not letting it get to me and just enjoying our fun times. i'm going on a diet/total ab workout for the week. i didn't think i was going to wear a 2 piece toga, but i guess i am now. maybe juice all day.


i saw april at school thursday

today after biology lab i went with danny and ben to el pollo loco. they got twisters. the lady made an extra twister and gave it to me. oreo twister, yummy but too much sugar. then they started talking about politics and i passed out within 5 minutes, only to be awaken every 5 minutes by them tapping their fingers on the table, and passing out all over again. i still loathe kurk or whatever fish teacher's name is. am i just being mean? i really think that, but whatever. i don't want to fail my lab because he's an idiot. anyway, back to my twister, it totally owns over mcflurrys.