my new love

Have you ever bought something and you couldnt' stop talking about it because you're just SOO proud of it and you just love it SOO MUCH?

well yeah, i mean i've bought a lot of things before, but i think i am REALLY really glad that i got it...my new PYJAMA PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!
I coudln't get over it..i got it yesterday, but i'm staring at it now...feeling it's soft texture, appreciating it's comfortableness, dazed at it's unique pattern...i dont think i will ever get sick of it.
i've never had white kind of pyjama pants before..i use to wear "forever friends" pyjama pants, i wore it for 4 years until it was so old the whole elastic around the waist part came off and so whenever i pull it up now, it just falls off right away.
I also had really fake "hello puppy" pyjamas...but they were too ugly and rough on the skin.
ever since i moved here from hk, i just wore my bro's old basketball shorts or very thick sweat pants..they suck.
my new baby is warm enough for the cool of winter, cool enough for the heat of summer. jeez why is it SO perfect.

so yes, now i just want to say how proud i am of my new PJ pants.
now i can sleep better, thanks to my very wise investment in these very smart pants.

okay now you know i have no life.

new year is just around the corner.
i have SOO many resolutions which i know i'm bound to break, but as usual i will make resolutions in hopes that i will fulfill them.
but i dont feel like writing about resolutions yet, because i still have 5 more days to slack off and be bad. HAHAHA no just kidding.

Something i discovered about myself....i laugh REALLY loud and manly. (..actually, i knew it all along...i get my manliness from having 2 brothers)
I also laugh REALLY loud when i watch movies, like....i find movies SOO funny and laughable.
There's a difference between fake laugh and true laugh, and i true laugh in movies a lot.
Thing is, i find my very open laughter to be so..."cho lo" so i'm trying to be more girly and laugh like "hohoho" (haw-haw-haw) or "hee-hee-hee" instead of HA HA HA like...mouth WIDE open.
i remember my friend monica...she laughed just like a man, and she was SOO funny b/c she was trying to be more "see mun" too, so she started covering her mouth while laughing. OMGGG and then i started laughing at her with my manly HA HA HA's.

i guess i'll just recap some things i did this week
sunday: tim, serly, caleb, and others got baptized! we went to eat all-you-can-eat sushi for lunch, then we went shopping, and back to church for some sharing.
monday: cineplex dinner...we had gift exchange and this litttle game...my coworker kristina won a DVD PLAYER and allison got a boom box and a game cube! i got this basket with lotions..and i also got this scorpion keychain..of whcih i LOOOVE. i love gift exchanges, one of my coworkers got this..porcelain house. HILARIOUS. so..like..useless..haha but it served it's purpose of making me laugh.
tuesday: shopping with rox b and henry, then at night tim and joyce came over and we made bags and cards for pneumies while watching OC! nothing can beat THAT! =)
wednesday: babysat christine for the whole day, and then dinner at jon's...high school reunion for our little group of friends...it was great seeing people i havent' seen for 2 years or something!
thursday: christmas carolling with pneumiessssssss, then pho at fmp, and sharing at jon's...
friday: all you can eat sushi (again) with family, shopping with brothers at pac mall, christmas cantata at church, then chilling at tim's house with 902384093285 other people. haha. twas fun.
*phew* this weeks' been SOOOO intense

Merry christmas everybody =)

just some venting...

Yesterday during work, it was REALLY busy, there were lineups for like half an hour non stop, and i was soooo tired. I served one person after another, and i just had to vent about this one customer. UGH.
So this lady in her 40s walked up to the counter because it was her turn, she was really nice, very polite and very cooperative...the type of people that you see in the mall and leaves you with a very pleasant kind of feeling. As she was walking away, this kid and his dad came up to the counter, and the kid turned to the lady and said "hi mrs.________!" the lady turned around and saw the kid and said "OH HI!" and they had a brief conversation.
The kid was around..7 or 8? he was really cute and very polite to the teacher.
After that whole shebang, the dad asked in chinese "who's that woman?"
the boy said "oh she's my french teacher daddy!"
dad: "deem gai kui gum fei geh?" (why is she so fat?)

OOOOOMMMMGGGGGGG
seriously what is with some chinese people? what's WRONG with being fat? why do you have to ASK why she is fat? is that question even a question?
why do you have to ask WHY? is your kid going to answer that?
and WHAT question is that? jeeez

the dad is suppose to say HI BACK to the teacher, to thank her for teaching his SON. not ask why she's fat.
i was SOO mad i didn't even want to serve them. but the boy was really sweet so i was like "awww okay"

there are a million things to do this christmas break..
i really want to do allllllllllllll of them, but i think i just discovered my inner nerd.

.....i just kind of want to stay home and sleep and read and write cards.

i don't have TIME. it's either work, or play. no..just NOTHING.

sometimes, i just want to sit in my room to reflect. when i occupy myself with too many things, i don't have time to think and i get weird feelings of weirdness once i'm alone. and that's no good.

but i really want to see my friends because they make me happy go lucky happy happy good joy. =)

anyway i was just reading ecclesiastes, and God really spoke to me through ecclesiastes...on my struggles with some things i couldn't let go of:
"Do not say, 'why were the old days better than these?' For it is not wise to ask such questions." (eccl.7:10)
"When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other." (ecc.7:14)
"the man who fears God will avoid all extremes." (ecc 7:18)
"Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you- for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others." (eccl. 7:22-23)

i have some pics up....
my image station link should be up soon..i'll put up the link on the right -->

I had an exam this morning. my last exam. i'm done (yay!)
hm...last night i had a "panic attack". i was sitting in tim horton's, and my hands started shaking, and it got icy cold, and my head was really hot, and i couldn't sit still.
maybe it was my large coffee. but i was nervous like there was no tomorrow.
now i am tired and exhausted like there is no tomorrow.

but there is a tomorrow.
tomorrow i'm going to go SHOPPING!!! OH I LOVE SHOPPING! I LOOVE MATERIALISTIC THINGS! I LOVEE CLOTHES, SHOES, SHOPPING, THINGS, THINGS THINGS.
no i'm just kidding.
i don't know why i don't feel like shopping. but i have so many christmas presents to buy. i'm going to go all out this year, it's to make up for all the cheapness the previous years. haha.

last night, i was talking to another friend who was also panicking. he told me he was going to pull an all nighter. i've never ever pulled an all nighter before because i'm phobic to all nighters.
i've stayed up till late/early before, but i have this thing where if i see the sun rise and i'm still up doing school work, i start shaking and get really nervous.
i think this phobia is weird but it's not as weird as this other phobia that is the fear of having peanut butter having stuck to the roof of your mouth called the Arachibutyrophobia. i'd love to have peanut butter there. *lick lick* *yum yum*

last night for pneumatos we had a sharing/identification night. we all sat in a circle. For the first round, everybody had to share about what they thought were their own strengths. Then everybody else shared with each other what they thought were everybody's strengths.
it was such an amazing night...
i think pneumatos is a very unique fellowship, i don't think i have words for it, but i just think it's a very special and COOOL group of people haha =)
what really stuck out to me was when eueu was talking about how pneumatos somehow has a very incredible transforming power.
I remember a few months ago, when i was still so new and stranger-y to MCBC, i was so shy, so lost, so unconfident with myself. i've also had many friends come and go, which made me become really defensive and hard to open-open-OPEN up to people really. Pneumatos definitely shaped me into a more outspoken and more willing to speak up kind of person.
i actually asked Abby on friday if she thought i'd changed, because abby's seen me through thse few years when i went through a lot of changes and moving and stuff, she said she's definitely seeing me become way more outgoing and "not whipped around easily". I guess, apparently, i use to be whipped around easily. *wachiiii*
it's also working at cineplex, along with my old NT pals, and high school pals
it's like i have a whole network of constant unchanging friends along with new friends (i still consider pneum "new") that is allowing me to embrace life more bravely
anyway i guess that was quite sappy

moving on.
i have this habit of trying to catch flying little bugs with my fist, like grasping it into my fist.
usually it doesn't work, but i always imagine myself having a stupid annoying little twit bug trapped inside my hand, feeling helpless.
while i studying, there was a bug flying all over my head and i was really annoyed, so i did that whip-flip-clench-fist action, i opened my hand, AND I GOT THE BUG! but it flew away.
I should've just squished it, but i don't think that's very sanitary and nice to think about.
I still remember when i was five, still in hk...hk was so mosquitoes-infested (it still is i think). anyway, everybody in the house just clapped and squished the mosquitoes whenever they saw them. it was normal to be in a middle of a conversation and *clap*.."no-i'm-not-clapping-at-you-i'm-just-killing-the-bug" kind of thing. i thought it was SOO cool to kill mosquitoes because you could see them all nasty and dead. the "better ones" were the ones that just sucked blood so they were nice and juicy and BLOODY. they usually left blood stains on your hands. EWWWW.
okay, anyway. i always tried to kill them but i was really slow. Okay i was only five okay? but you know when mosquitoes just filled themselves up with blood they're REALLY SLOW and big so yeah i was watching tv..saw the mosquito, and *CLAP* I KILLED IT.
i was SOOO proud of mself i ran up and down and all around the house, showed my right palm to my brothers, and my parents (who totally freaked out when they saw that darn big and dead mosquito mooshed on my hand), and i just wanted to leave it there until the next day so i could show my classmates. obviously i wasnt' allowed to.

these past few weeks have been really intense.
it's like, sleeping late and waking up before the sun is still up...trying to cram into the bus along with 908098324 others...endless hours of studying at tim horton's....and endless talking to abby on the phone...and with susu...=)...freaking out over my history notes...stressing and scratching my head so much that there were no more dandruff left for me to scratch off the scalp (eww)
well, that's all i remember thus far.
so nevertheless, the past few weeks have been a blur.

Yesterday was my 2-exam-day. before i left the house, i made a plan. my plan was to finish all the readings in the subway and bus, and then do overview at the library. my plan failed miserably. I fell asleep 2 seconds after i got on the bus, ALL THE WAY to finch station, woke up, schmuck.
SO i was like "it's ok i'll study in the subway"...fell asleep again, schmuck.
"that's fine, i'm just tired, i'll just make sure i don't fall asleep in the library."
...HAS ANYBODY EVER TOLD YOU that the library is the best place to sleep? no sound, no internet distractions, no music..omg
i fell asleep after reading a page.
yeah okay.

highlight of the day:
There's this..nerdy-ish kind of girl in my anthro class. She's really smart and nice. Usually she dressed really "appropriately", meaning she just wore over-size t-shirts and pants, so she wasn't like a super attention grabbing kind of chick. Yesterday, however, i was just talking with my friends before the exam when that girl walked in. We all turned around and just stopped talking. It's like we all just paused for 5 seconds. We started exchanging "the looks" with each other...and then we started laughing.
OMGG the girl was wearing UBER lowcut tank top.
holy low-cut batman
i'm so serious. it was SO low you just needed to pull it down 0.1cm to see her n*p*l*s. i'm sorry, but to add on to that, they were squished together.
i rolled my eyes and flared my nostrils. it was just SO weird and awkward as she was walking past us.
DIIIIIIIIIIIIRRTAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

p.s. good luck on your exams everybody
and i hope your finger gets better tummy, and i hope you don't offend anybody with it. HAHA.

i don't want christmas to come...
i don't want new years to come...
i don't want holidays to come...

...because i don't want it to end

i don't want happy times to end
e.g. sometimes i even wish i don't have to go to pneumatos so that i can just dwell on the happy times and not have to leave or have it to end.

I feel like this year's gone by too fast..i havent' been given enough time to fully "adjust" or appreciate...too much has happened.

i have 3 pictures on my picture "hanger"/frame/holder thing that i look at every single day...
every single time i look at the pictures, i thank God...1.my pneumies, 2.NT soldiers/carmels, and my 3.rox-b's, *swoon* i love you guys so much.
i can't believe i am so blessed.
i also have this picture of gencan and I..but my dad put that there deliberately..haha not that i don't thank God for him.haha

i want exams to come because i just want them to end
haha..for obvious reasons. GRRRRR i don't like exams, i'd rather go shopping! (oh gosh i sound so materialistic, oh well.)

i was at Tim Horton's studying yesterday..i stayed there for like 6-7 hours.
It's so interesting to just sit at one spot for so long and watch so many people come and go.
something that really "stuck out" in my mind was this guy, who was probably in his mid 40s, sitting on this table right in front of me with his friend..he just stuck his finger WAAAAY up his nose and started picking it hardcore. "digging for gold" apparently..i saw his fingers through the nose, spinning round and round, and then he yanked the finger out of that nose, and wiped all the "precious" "gold" onto the darn napkins.
i am SO serious...omg i really couldn't believe it either.
the sight was ghastly.
puh-leasseeEE OMGGGGGG PPL!! stop doing these things in front of me! why do i have such "good luck" in "catching" these "great" acts?
*shivers*

sometimes when people don't write sad things on their blogs doesn't mean they're not sad inside.
sometimes when they really do start writing sad things on their blogs, and people realize what they're going through and they start "comforting" them, it's already too late.

it should take more than a blog to know what a friend is going through
it should take more than msn/icq/aol to get to know and understand your friends in a deeper way.
we shouldn't depend on technology to bond relationships.

apparently the word "blog" is the most looked up word on merriam-webster.com in 2004
they're going to add that word in the dictionary next year, so it's officially a real word.
the term "blog" just sounds so...slang..and...teenage-ish
you don't hear 80 year olds saying "i'lll beeee upddatttinggg myyy bloooggg nowwww, mmyyy deearrr" in a shaky voice
you know what i mean?
anyway just found that interesting. click here for link

omg guess what?...somebody's gettin' pretty old..and that is my friend tummy.
tummy turns 20 today, and he is 20. i think i said that already.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TUMMMMMMMMMMMY

besides that, i would like to say that i'm very hungry and i think i'm going to be late to meet up with abby, again.

also..well i'll update later, i feel so rant-y lately i don't even know why.
i talk talk talk so much. this is so stupid. happy birthday again stupid tum (HO!.............HAHAHA)

man, what a long and pointless entry

i love dying and cutting my brother's hair..it's SOO funny...
I cut it like grass, like randomly go chop-chop-CHOP! and then sometimes i'll go "OOPS"! hahaha..and he HATEEES it when i say that because he's scared i shaved off a part or something..haha
(just kidding, i actually cut it pretty well...well...judge for yourself..when you see gencan's hair, MY CREATION. haha)
When i'm dying his hair, the dye keeps on dripping on his shoulders and ears. and then he goes "OW OW IT BURNS IT BURNS!"
and then we just laugh our heads off..hahaha

my parents were invited to watch the miss hk canada pageant on friday night, and the winner apparently sang this song...called "Time to say goodbye" originally sung by Andrea boccelli and Sarah Brightman. That night, after the pageant, when they were picking me up from work, they kept on asking me what that song name was, and they asked "it's that italian song that says goodbye and it's so sad and it's opera."..i was like "suure..."
anyway, i figured it out, so i burned it on a cd for them. I downloaded a bunch of oldies
My dad REFUSED To listen to the other songs, and just kept on repeating that song...it's SOO annoying! He turns it up so loud that it pierces through the eardrums, and then he closes his eyes and "appreciates" the song, while i'm covering my ears in despair.
And then after the song, i'm like "yay let's listen to some LIONEL RITCHIE!" and then he goes "NO I LOVE ANDREA BOCCELLI" and then he plays it again.
the torment. the pain. oh that song.

this week, i worked a lot...like....job-work-wise
i thought i was goign to DIE..school-wise, because i was working so much. but i had a good time
working is like a relief for me sometimes, i guess it's because it's brainless job, no need to think, and the people are just so fun to work with. i just love working. haha i'm such a nerd.

also...the weekend, pneumatos was so good. omg. tummy's bday dinner, bible study (i'm so thankful it went quite well), PRE bible study..HAHAH pls do NOT show that picture tummy or susu, eudy's place for the movie....its' so fun.
i love pneumatos.
today i got to talk with jess, i'm so happy.
jess is my secret stalker, i KNOW she's going to read this. hahaha.
and...rox? where are you, rox?

i always wonder how chinese medicine can work so well... it's brown, it's bitter, and it's a mix of random-looking stuff (it's not 'random' perse, it just looks random) that you can only find in the "mountains" and "wilderness"
old chinese men takes your pulse, and then he writes a bunch of scribbles, walks to his huge shelf of medicine, picks out all these different dried and curled up herbs? (sometimes even bugs), and puts them all together into that big piece of white paper, folds it up making it look like a parcel or something. and finally, tells you to boil them together and drink it.
how can i trust you old man?

haha j/k

but how did people KNOWWW that it would work? from before?
i asked steph and b today during lunch..
they said trial and error...
lots of people must've died in the process
it reminds me of how i've also always been curious about all the different fruits, vegetables, mushrooms, meats too- how do we know which one is good to eat, and which one is not?
you can't just pick out a random mushroom from your backyard and go "hey, let's have dinner"
you can die la
i'm so fascinated
i've always imagined these foraging people, walking around the land to find these delicious looking fruits, "wooooo this fruit looks delish!", takes a bite, and then dies. And then the others will go "oh be sure we never eat this fruit next time/again"

O-B-T-U-S-E?

is it mean to call somebody obtuse?

is being obtuse a "flaw"?
isn't flaw something that could be changed?
...so is being obtuse something that could be changed?

ugh, the word is making me dizzy, i'm typing it too much

_______________

i have a lot of crap in my room
i never want to throw stuff away b/c i always want to "remember" things
i even kept a pair of jeans that i got mustard all over on because i was like "aww let me keep them to remember that i spilled mustard on them"

_________________________

"I have heard so many songs, Listened to a thousand tongues,
But there is one that sounds above them all-
The Father's song, the Father's love..."

"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."
-Psalms 139:23-24

I am blessed because i babysit the cutest girl on earth- CHRISTINE.
She's gotta be the sweetest girl anybody could ever everr meet.
Today, her parents were super busy, and the other sitter is on vacation (at Cuba, baby), so i had to take care of her for 13 hours. At first i was like "oh darn, that's a long time." But it really wasn't.
She stayed at my house for the whole day, playing and fiddling with my stuff while i was working on my essay. Occassionally, she came up from behind and gave me a few hugs and kisses. and then I always went: "WHY ARE YOU SOOOO CUTTTE" and then she gave me a few more kisses. *awwww*
and then when i said that i had to get back to work, she left me alone and played with other stuff. She's the only one i could freely give hugs to without having to worry about being annoying. Because i literally hugged her more than 60x in an hour (one per minute). hahahaha.
I love her so much, i dont know how i'm going to "let go"...when she grows up, and when doesn't need me to babysit her anymore. the thought of that just makes me want to cry a little.

*sniff sniff*
hm, why is my blog so weird looking. the links and stuff are all the way on the bottom. stupid blog.

I am deeply appalled at my laziness and my "ability" to waste time.
I've been home for many hours, and i am ashamed to say that i have only written two pages for my essay, two pages of crap, seriously.
I'm reading it now, and it seriously is crap. LITERALLY crap. it's a bunch of words jumbled together to make a pile a crap.
it's like, even worse than crap, because it doesn't make sense, at least crap makes sense..in a way...coz i know what it is. but my two page non-essay is not an essay, it's nothing. it's not even worthy to be called crap.
it sucks.
why am i so distracted.
the paragraph above is crap.
crap.
i am scared.
the thought of failing the course is scary.
i know i won't, but the thought of it is.
i'm rambling incessantly.
i'm nervous.
why should i be nervous.
oh gendi, why won't you come to your senses?

do i have ADD*? seriously do i have ADD?
i have ADD. (in a carmel way)
but in a real way, do i have ADD? maybe i do. *cross fingers* i hope i don't.
but sometimes i think ADD is a make-believe disorder. Or that a lot of people don't REALLY have A-D-D, and just use that as an excuse in life.
*ADD= attention deficit disorder

let blogging be my relief

yesterday steph told me to wear a skirt b/c she wanted our whole group of girls to wear skirts together, as something fun to do.
I refused.

Normally, i'm not the type to say "no" to things..i'm too nice, seriously. haha. I think that's one of my problems, i can't say "no" because i'm scared of hurting someone, but sometimes saying "yes" and not doing it just makes it worse.

Anyway, i refused to wear a skirt. I was so firm on that decision i didn't even bother to compromise or whatever.

Ok not that i'm not *gUrLy* enough, or not that i'm not girly enough.

i just didn't want to, i still don't want to, well, i didn't.

these are my reasons:

a) dont want to shave
b) legs too fat
c) skirts too short
d) don't like attention
e) no shoes to match
_________________________

ever had things that you wanted to do when you were young and still want to give it a try now?
Today, while walking down St.George, i saw this guy sticking on his "spanish lessons" poster on the lamp post, i watched him dip the brush into the gooey paste and paint the glue over that piece of paper onto the post.
I've ALWAYS wanted to do that. They have a lot of those in hk, and i remember watching people use the bamboo brushes to glue on advertisements on walls and lamp posts! I WANT TO TRYYY!!!!
I also want to try making a cone...the mcdonald's cones. it seems so fun to make swirly ice cream.
_________________________

Today after tutorial i had one hour to spare for study.
i had very high hopes of reading a lot of chapters and stuff.
i ended up falling asleep, and read one page. ONE PAGE. wow. *applause*
so then it made me wonder. should i sleep more?
because i'm doing work, not sleeping enough, but i just end up napping anyway.
might as well sleep earlier. revelation of the day.
good nite.

LORD HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

i have so much to do i dont know what to do what to do what to do what to do

i dont even know if i can go to bible olympics
I AM SO BUSY
I AM SO BUSY
I AM SO BUSY
LORD HELP ME LORD HELP ME

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
GAO MENG AHHH

HO DOR YEHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
PLEASEEEEEEEEE PRAY FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9)

Gendi's going on an msn/ezboard/mua fast again. please don't tempt me. please. don't. or. else. i will. die. die. die. i want to live.live.live.

don't tempt me to:
a)go shopping

b)go online

c)eat

d)die

please give me calls though, becuase that can help me "alleviate" my stress by making me happy.

tell me funny jokes. make me laugh.

Lord give me wisdom

time to update
some subway stories...how exciting...

On friday, on my way downown, in the subway, i saw this guy who was reading the newspaper, and next to him sat this woman...i don't think they knew each other.
So the guy was rudely spreading out the paper, flipping the pages, as if he was reading it at home in front of the kitchen table or something. His legs were crossed and he was "ngun"-ing his foot too. THe woman next to him looked SOO annoyed, it was hilarious, she kept on giving him the cut eye, and kept on looking at him and nodding her head. FUnny thing was the guy didn't even see that her nod her head b/c the paper was covering everything.
Then she started going "tsk tsk"...hahha

So about a month ago, i was doing my "usual" thing of taking the bus to school in the morning...(usually i take it during the rush hour, so busses are really packed, but there are occasions when there would be 3 busses going the same way at hte same time, and that's when the busses have a lot of seats in them.) So that day was one of those special days when there were seats on the bus i got on. The bus filled up quickly and after 2 or 3 stops there were only one or two seats right across my row. Anwyay this lady was sitting there, i watched 3 people who when they first got on the bus, sat next to her. But then all three of them moved to other seats after sitting next to her for less than a minute. It had to be BO or whatever....
THing is, i felt SOO bad for the lady, because she looked a little "embarassed" and insulted. It's part a bus "etiquette" to not move around when you sit next to a person. It's like saying "eww you're nasty, i dont want to sit with you", to the person you moved away from.
Don't do it, i really just wanted to go over there to sit next to her to make her feel better, but i dind't want to risk smelling BO hahaha.

I think i dwell a lot on the past...and i get sad easily when i think about friends that "moved on" without me and just...basically neglected me.

But then i think again, i think i've moved on too.

On saturday we (pneumatos) went downtown for a pizza run, giving pizza to the homeless people. I was grouped with PJ and i was just telling him about how i left my old church and a whole bunch of stuff and we started talking about in a lot of circumstances, you really can't say one side is totally right. Conflicts usually happen with misunderstanding, and there's rarely "one side" that you can say is totally right, or totally wrong.
It's so true...when i get all depressed because i feel liek friend A never valued our friendship and left me, i might've neglected the fact that i also made new friends and that friend B might think i don't like her/him anymore also b/c i've moved on.
Hm am i making sense?

That there are many things that goes both ways...if i'm thinking badly of one person, another person might be thinking badly about me too.
There's always two sides to many things, and sometimes thinking too...corner-ly is not good.

I NEED TO BE OPEN-MINDED.

Speaking of open-mindedness, i know this guy who is a really good christian and he fasted for a whole month trying to seek for God's guidance. When my dad asked him what he got out of the thirty days of no food, he said it was to be open-minded. wow, so profound.

indecisiveness

Apparently, according to a lot of magazines, guys don't like indecisive girls.
Well, who likes indecisive people anyway...

But okay, here's the thing
I know that girls tend to go "oh i don't care"/"i don't mind"/"sure"/"whatever" when asked some questions..which seems very easy going but they actually have something in mind already.
An example...hm..would be
boy: "hey do you want to eat at mcdonald's?"
girl: "sure, BUT it's so fattening"
....'BUT' is the key

actually i think some guys can be really indecisive too, so i'm not just talking about girls
but of course there are very decisive girls and decisive guys also. ok.

I think i'm quite indecisve, and when people ask me things, i usually go "i don't care" too....
thing is, i really DON"T CARE, and i really DON'T MIND, but it's more like, i couldn't make up my mind so i'm just goign to say "i don't mind" first, instead of making some choice and end up having the other person to disagree.

Indecisiveness sucks.

I remember there was this one time (at band camp...haha..no..)
...when my friends and I (jackie, melody, moi) were just going for lunch after church. All 3 of us were in the same car and we were like "so where we heading?"
We looked at each other, and said "i don't know, where do YOU want to go?"
"i don't know, where do YOUUU want to go?"
"i don't mind, why don't you think of some place to go?"
"I dont know, um....anywhere is good with me"
...so we went on this "I don't know i don't care" business for 3 minutes, and we decided to just start to car and just pick on impulse as we pass by the restaurants.
We started at yonge and finch, and jackie started driving on yonge...we passed by some restaurants
"how bout here?"
"sure"
"but it might be expensive"
"oh yeah, okay, let's go somewhere else then"
jackie continued to drive
and then we got off topic and started talking about random things while the car kept on going
and periodically, we pointed out a restaurant or a plaza "oh how bout here!" but we always had these "cons" that we listed out so we just drove on, and on, and on, and on
"where are we GOING?!! AHH I'm HUNGRYY"
"hahaha I DON'T KNOW WHERE DO YOU WANT TO EAT??!"
"i don't KNOW!! HAHA WHERE DO YOUUU WANT TO EAT???!!"
"hahaha"
"hahahahha"
....and we continued going...
we drove around for 2 hours wondering where to eat.
i finally decided to go to "wong gum"
"so where should i park" (<-- haha this is actually not true, i just added it on for humor)
"UGHH SHUT UP AND JUST PARK AT WHEREVER THERE'S A SPOT!"
so we parked the car, and we started walking around the plaza
"so which restaurant do you want to eat at?"
oka, so basically we still had to walk around the plaza to decide where to eat, and we went to a few, stopped by teh entrance, opened the door and went "actually, it's too expenisve, let's try something else"
and we FINALLY decided to go to this one restaurant (of which we still weren't sure about, we kind of hesitantly walked in because the waiter seemed really nice)
but next...came...the MENU
"WHAT SHOULD I EATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT"

so next time you ask me something, and i answer "I don't know"...don't be hatin'
i dont think there's a moral to this story.

p.s. queenie i love you =). and um..as for the book, i'll see when i can get the car so i can give it to your unck-y

"o flush gUrLy girl."

why is my house so cold?
why am i wearing like five thousand layers of clothes and still have freezing hands and toes?
...
*shiverrsss*

I think i'm becoming more *gUrLy* (eww) in a sense maybe because...
a) this whole week i went shopping 3 times with my gUrLFriEndZzZzZ
b) i've been having this "urge" to give *hUgZ* to people
c) i think everything is cUtiEeE
d) i say "awwww" all the time (i think it's because of sUsU)

not that i don't want to be *gUrLy*, but i just don't want to be those "awww" ditz kind of girls. i'm just not like that. i don't talk in baby voice (oh shivers), nag, and tug at people's sleeves to say pleaseeeeee. i am girly, but i'm not gUrLy. there's a difference.

_______________________________

something i don't understand (bathroom related, again.)
I don't understand why girls don't FLUSH.
maybe same with guys? but, girlfriend, please flush the potty. You don't even NEED to use your hands. just turn around after you're done your business, lift up your right leg, and push the little handle with your right foot (can be done with left leg, and foot). it's simple.
I don't believe it when i walk into a toilet and see it unflushed, and find out that the flush actually works, and most of the time, it works REALLY well too. why? oh why?
my momma taught me to press on the handle longer if it doesn't seem to flush *well*
be considerate. mm goi. the reason why bathrooms smell "ngat" ('squish'-in chinese) is because people don't flush. ok i think this is enough, images of unflushed toilets are floating in my head now.
O PUHHH-LEEASSEEEEE!!!

hogwart boys

since we're on the topic of "boy bands" i have another picture of a band i like....hm...yeah...ok.
yup, the HOGWART BOYS HAHAHAHAHA.


--------------------------------------------------------------------

is it better to expect more of yourself and then get disappointed? Or is it better to expect less of yourself and be surprised with how well you've done?
i always expect so little of myself that whenever i get an assignment back from school, i'm happy. most of the time. (unless i did even worse than my already-very-small expectancy)
But sometimes i think i give myself too little credit and it makes me not work as hard coz i only aim for relatively less. Maybe i'm not confident enough with myself to have bigger goals? Or maybe i just don't want to fail so i don't want to expect too much to avoid disappointment.

BSB

i use to LOOOOVE bsb. Nick was my favourite and now is my least favourite.
My 2 favourite bsb songs are still "i'll never break your heart" and "Alll I have to give" (the first CD was the BEEST!)
okay. these are relatively new pictures. i still can't believe how cheesy they look.

ok. what kind of pose is this? it's so...robotic.


the "classic" pose..."everyboooddy...backstreet's back..ALRIGHT!" poor AJ looks leftout


alright, we know you come in peace.


i can tell howie is deeply immersed into the music.


....so where should i look? ok. i'm not going to talk about nick's hat. haha.


despite their cheesiness, i'm actually quite glad they're back. (backstreet's back, alright.) haha.
aww it brings back so much memories from gr6 and gr7. *sniff*

sometimes it sucks when you really really have to go pee. You run as fast as you could to the bathroom, quickly close the bathroom door, and unzip as fast you could, and the best feeling is when you release...*AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*
but then, you find out that there's no more tissue. *AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW*

Today, on my way to work, i passed by a realllllly nice tree. It glowed- it was yellow and all the leaves were still intact on the braches. I was like "Wow, that looks so beautiful"..and then i started wondering how many leaves were on that tree, and then i started to ask myself how people know how many leaves are on the branches? Maybe they just counted the leaves on one branch and then multiplied it by the number of branches on the tree?

...and then i started to think how people know how many pieces of hair you have on your head.
When i was a kid, i tried counting how many pieces of hair i had, i went to like...500 something and then i lost count.

hee hee

This week seemed like a VERRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYY long week..i dont know why.
I think it's coz i did a lot of stuff this week..and i've been staying awake for longer hours that usual? I worked, went to school, did essays, prepared bible study, went out with friends, went shopping, went to people's houses, talked with friends, i dont know..a lot of stuff. o speaking of "i don't know"

Why do i always say "i don't know"?
i don't know why i say I dont know..is it because it's a filler word like "like"?
I always say...something like... "i dont know..like...it's weird..like..i don't know"

---------------------------------

At work, we have four different sizes of popcorns..small, reg, large, x-large...so a lot of customers would come over to ask us for the prices..and the size.
People always go "How big is a small?"...i just find it very oxymoronic
why don't you ask something like "how small is a small"? then i would answer "small"
hahaha..or i can answer "the small is big" just to confuse the heck out of them
o how fun.

--------------------------------

I don't know why, but i feel so burdened..
I feel like there's something really heavy, it been weighing me down a lot lately (besides all the food i eat)... it's so weird. what is it?
Time for some deep soul searching baby.

"O soul are you weary and troubled? No light in the darkness you see?There's light for a look at the Saviour, And life more abundant and free.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,Look full in His wonderful face,And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,In the light of His Glory and Grace."

aww i love this hymn..it's my most favourite Christian song ever. it brings me so much comfort.

ho dong ah

i am SOO cold.

I had such a good sleep last night...i was so warm and fuzzy tucked between my o so soft blanket, and then my fruity alarm clock went off. haha. i was like so mung jung! the moment i peeled off the blanket, i felt like i was living inside a block of ice.

i didn't want to go to the bathroom b/c i knew my feet would be cold and my toes would freeze and i wouldn't be able to walk. but i did. and i had to take a shower...my nails were purple.
don't you hate it when you're taking a hot shower on a very cold day, and it feels so nice where the warm water showers to, but all the other places that are "neglected" by the warm feels SOO cold, so overall you feel hot and cold...and it's just so awkward?
and the time when i'm done shower, walking out of the steamy stall....it's so so so so so sos cold...
i have goosebumps all over and my toes are curled. WHY AM I TYPING?

i still refuse to wear my winter jacket. i will not wear it until it's zero degrees (or below)

...the end

one unblind mouse

i'm still in my PYJAMAS!!!!
well...this morning, i woke up, went to babysit (with my pj's on)...then went back home.

When i got home, i watched a movie (that i need to watch for my assignment) and then i fell asleep, and next thing i know, it was already 7 fruitin' o clock pm.

i napped for a lengthy time. O lord, thank you for sleep.

So after my nap, my mouth was SO dry i went to get some water and made meself a toast. Lo and behold a lao shu (mouse) was right beside the toaster.
i said "aiyah!"
and then it ran away. I saw how it ran, saw how it ran. (my o my why is the song 'three blind mice' stuck in my head now)

The end. what an eventful day!

there are a lot of people that i really admire. I always want to be like them.
like this girl called Diana, her family's non christian, but she went to catholic school all throughout elementary. she then switched to public school for high school, and despite that, she always sought for God on her own... she said she read the bible and prayed everyday because even though she "cut off" her catholic ties, she knew there was something more. so then one day during univeristy, she just decided to go to utccf and havent' stopped going since. (o and yes, she became a christian)
such thirst and enthusiasm. i just don't know how to explain... some people can hvae so much discipline and firmness in their own beliefs that they can overcome so much... on the contrary, im' like... blessed with a family who sharse same faith as me and i'm taking it for granted.
i wish i could be like that.

i have this other friend, she has incredible self control and she's one of the most humble and hard working person i know.
i wish i could be like that.

i wish i had art talents like my AY friends, i wish i was smart like science people, i wish i was caring like _______, i wish i was passionate about God like ________, i wish i could have self-control like _________, hardworking like _____, bold like _________, etc etc etc
i also wish to be so many things, i always wonder why some people are so liked by so many people...and i'd always work to become more like those people. i'm so dissatisfied with myself.
deem gai geh?
it's as if, if i were asked, "what's so good about you, gendi?" by brad pitt on cnn, i would be speechless (besides the fact that it's brad pitt, and it's broadcasting to the whole world)... point is, i wouldn't be able to point out anything that's good about me.

i think it's time of the month, so i'm having unstable emotions.
go away, negative energy.
come hither, positivity.

p.s. on monday, while waiting for my mama outside market village, guess who i bumped into? YES! it's SUSU! (aka sulas, silas, shelly, shane, shamu) and his sister! They got into my car and he told me he was just going in to buy mcdonald's...all the toil and labour of finding a parking spot at the pac mall parking lot, JUST to go to mcdonald's...the world's biggest fast food chain store, needless to say, there was another one just one minute away.
So i just drove around the parking lot, trying to kill time, driving onto pavements from time to time, susu laughing at me, and got off the car to buy his MCNUGGETS. (this sentence is grammatically incorrect, but hey, who cares, right? susu? i can say whatever i want, shelly.)
=)

my bg music seems to be quite boring now

i've always wondered what it would be like if our family could own one more car.
and i've always marvelled at the fact that our family of five could survive 6 years in canada with only one car...we've driven to Edmonton, to algonquin, niagara falls (countless times), Buffalo, and many other places...with that car.
waaah.

So this weekend my parents went to st.catharines with somebody else, so i got to keep the car to myself. I think that having a car can = a)freedom b)not freedom
haha
because i can drive to pretty much anywhere i want, but i will also have the responsibility of driving my brother around if he needs a ride...stuff lke that. but for the most part, it's a)
I got to drive to meet up with queenie, adrian kwan and abby =) on friday
on saturday i drove rox and b to shopper's to buy stuff! I also got to see queenie again! Then i went to pneumatos and then after that saw shirley and went to the fmp thanksgiving gathering.
ALL BY MYSELF baby..hha with the car.
I think though, that having a car is one thing...i have a curfew...so..that just sucks but in a way it's good b/c i dont reallly have much self-control when it comes to hanging out wiht friends.
I love driving. i love driving friends too, i love talking to them in the car.

Sunday night i saw shaun of the dead (by meself, how sad) and i saw b and rox again! We should do it more often, just the 3 of us. our own girls night out. good quality chat. good "lai dong" haha.

i have so much to talk about i dont even know where to start. so..i guess i'll just end here.

random thoughts

So i wrote a post, clicked "publish post" and...well...internet explorer said it "The page cannot be displayed" because "The page I am looking for is currently unavailable."
shut up .
shut up internet explorer.
SHUT UP.

I am so mad because i have to write another one all over again...it's happened to me a few times, so just SHUT UP INTERNET EXPLORER i don't want to talk to you.

my fingers are crossed this time, and i will make sure i save this post as draft before i will publish the post, not that it's anything special or something, but all the minutes, the seconds spent on typing..it's precious. baby.
_____________________

- yesterday i saw david miller...(not that anyone cares...or...i...care...) he was at the yonge-bloor subway station selling PIZZA for United way (haha)...all these reporters were asking him questions, taking pictures of him and sticking their mics up his nose.
I was also walking up queens' street today...there was a HUUGE crowd of people outside much music, apparently waiting for Good Charlotte.
Last week i saw Drew Barrymore and Jimmy fallon.
Hey, i am WAY COOL.

- I dropped a course this week, mainly because i thought it was stumbling. Spiritually and physically. I'm glad i dropped it. I feel less burden. *sweeps shoulder*

- I am looking forward to this weekend because it's thanksgiving weekend.
Many people are coming out! i am so happy i'm close to wetting my pants. (no...)
(yes it means YOU roxanne, and YOU ntcbc people and YOU pneumatos people)

- Today was a good day because:
a) Ate breakfast with Abby! (buy 1 get 1 free BREAKFAST)
b) History class...i love history
c) Walking a lot with B and Steph...and i really mean a lot...like..4 hrs of walking
d) talking to steph on the subway...POURING my heart and guts out..ok. i am literally empty.
e) talking to Eudora in the subway...i'm really speechless. that girl is amazing.

p.s. Last week after my night class, guess who i bumped into? That's right! TIM! GARGAR! and....ANDYY!! It was such an amazing night that i can only use SOME words to describe the incredible-ility of it: FUN. HO WAN. FREE HOT DOG. SEVEN ELEVEN. RANDOM PEOPLE PICKING THEIR NOSES. .. (happy now? tummy?)
=)

my eventful week

So the first 2 weeks of school seemed like a year...
But this week everything's starting to pick up the pace and everything seems to be going by waaay to quickly that i couldn't catch up with my darn readings...
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Alright, since school stuff is boring, i'll skip talking about that.

Tuesday- i went shopping by myself, so self centered. so fun.
wednesday- bumped into garway tim and andy after night class. t'was cool.
thursday- okay, thursday's worth the mention.

So thursday, after class, i met up with a bunch of friends to go to Yuk Yuk's...a stand up comedy club. We walked down queens' street, had gyro (i love gyro i love you) and shared a crepe (i love you too crepe). Then we headed to the club. I didn't really "expect" too much, because i never really liked stand up comedies...

Anyway, it was really cool because we were walking downtown at night, i felt so stylish, and going to a COMEDY club too..that's just way beyond me. I was chic beyond belief.

The club was packed that night, and since we arrived almost an hour early, we decided to order some fa-jii-taaas baby. So when the show started, an old einstein-lookalike MC was blabbing these really lame-o jokes about how we probably thought he was some old prof who was kicked out of school because he had something going on with his students.

MC continued on with his jokes and told us about how there was going to be this comedian there that was really famous and voted for 2 consecutively on the "NOW" magazine as the funniest comic. I was like "wow i can't wait..."
So after a few "amateur" comedians did their part, the much anticipated "winner" comic started talking...and darn i sat there for almost an hour listening to him crack the most dirtiest, most offensive jokes and the most distasteful jokes ever. ever. ever.
No offense but he wasn't funny and i don't think he deserved the "award" because his jokes were just nasty needless to say they were extremely offensive.
The amateur comedians were SOO much better, i actually can label myself as "laughing my ass off" for 2 of the them. But for that guy, no. i was just like "ha..haha...ha...ok.ha.no."

Anyway, negative things aside. I actually enjoyed the whole night just because it was something different from what i usually do. eg. watch movies. drink bbt. "chill"
Plus, the other comedians weren't all that bad, AND the last comedian actually stripped and managed to "tuck" his thing between his thighs...i don't know how he did it..he called it a "man-ginas". Ugh.

zzzzzzzzzzz

i'm going to update more frequently for 2 posts just because my "NOOO" post is screwing up the whole blog template....
it has a very "yeung sui" feel to it

so i know who notsomuch is
yay!

Okay...lately i've been talking on msn WAAAYYYYY too much...consequently making me sleep SO little...
I swear, my zits are popping up in the most random places on my body...like my arms?
ALSO i'm falling asleep EVERYWHERE.

I am really behind on readings so i always hold on to my textbooks so i can read wherever i go, but once i flip open a page and read a few sentences, i fall asleep. I sleep in the bus, in teh subway, half way on the treadmill, in the library, in class, on my bed (obviously haha)
darn...

This is my plan:
1. I MUST sleep by 12am
2. I MUST do all my scheduled readings
3. I MUST do my devos before readings
.... i think that's it

Darn i'm so happy... because...because...
i g** o*** *in***!!

So i wrote this really really long sappy post this afternoon, right when i was about to click "publish this post" my computer turned off by itself and restarted

i was like " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
and then i thought
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" again (this time a little shorter)
and then i kept on going "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" because it took so much "sum gei" to write

and now i dont want to write it anymore

So here's my question: "who is NOTSOMUCH?" you left a comment for queenie and moi, so i figured you should know us both (obviously) SO WHO ARE YOU?
i am puzzled and i am anxious to find out.

Few things happened that were quite funny this week:
1. I made sulas cry
2. Stepping on mud
3. Watching Spongebob...when patrick thought mayonnaise was musical instrument HAHAHA
4. Bumping into many random people at school...awkwardness
5. Checking out people that walked past us outside sid smith...with steph and jon
6. Losing my 6-day old phone sock
7. Getting stuck in the subway for an hour
8. Not seeing Abby for a week...hahaa.
9. Frustrating about bible study...ARFF TUMM

i dont' think theyr'e that funny
but i just felt like updating

O yes i found a VERY VERY big pet peeve of mine...and that is peopel who CUT
I really really don't like it when i line up for a bus and some people just bud in in front of you...EXCUSE ME MAM/SIR CAN'T YOU SEE THE VERY EVIDENT QUEUE? CAN'T YOU BE A LITTLE MORE CONSIDERATE?
What irks me even more is the people who don't line up are usually asian...
UGH UGH O GUDLAEIVN:AIRU)!@(#*)@!($*
Done my rant.

p.s. NOTSOMUCH, please tell me who you are, i am dying of curiosity here.

*sigh* why is lifehouse so cool?

i loooooooooooooooove stepping on crunchy leaves. I love walking...but yesterday i had a bad walking experience...
...so i was on my way to workout, looking at how the sky was so blue and the temperature was just o so perfect, the birds chirping, the squirrels running around...and then *squish*
I stepped into a puddle of mud.
i was SOOOOOO mad. I mean, everywhere else on the grass was DRY and crunchy, why that certain spot i stepped on? Luckily i was so close to the entrance i pretended nothing happened and walked in.
It looked like i had crap around my toes...dark brown..gooey. EW.

-------

Prayer request: Please pray for bible study this saturday

school talk

My blood and sweat. ALL GONE.

well not really, but i spent a lot of money on textbooks and my wallet is bleeding.

WHY O WHY are textbooks so bloody expensive?

EVerytime i take money out of the bank i don't look at the receipt because i don't want to know how much i have left in my account. =**(

________________________________

One week of school has passed, it was one the most tedious and long week ever! I never realized how big UT was...I think it's because my classrooms last year were all concentrated in ONE area. This year, however, all my classes are in extremely odd locations and incredibly far from each other. My head hurts from trying to visualize how to get from point A to point B. Well, okay maybe not THAT kwa jeung, but i've been walking so much my calves have become the size of a shark.

_______________________________

I guess the good thing about walking is it gives me time to think. All the walking has helped me reflect a lot of things. WHY AM AT UT ANYWAY? I was going to go to York, and last minute UT accepted me. I still remember how frustrated I was trying to decide uni to go to. THere were so many things to take account for: money, distance, "rep" (my parents), etc. I cried so much during that time trying to seek God's guidance (queenie? remember? haha), i couldn't go anywhere out town because it was too expensive. I was sooooooooo bitter.
For some odd reason, the bitterness is coming back. I wish i was somewhere outside toronto for school.
So yes, back to the question WHY AM IN UT? I remember the time when i hesitantly made that checkmark on the letter, reluctantly licking the stamp on the envelope, and resistingly inserting the letter into the mailbox. haha. okay. So i kept on asking God "why"... and i knew that God placed me in UT for a reason. But i didn't know what.
So one year has passed, and i still haven't done much in terms of...making friends, glorifying God, and all (at UT).
But one thing i am very very grateful for is Pneumatos. Thinking about Pneumatos puts a smile to my face, it's the same feeling i had when i went to Carmel, the anticipation of having fellowship on saturday night.
If i wasn't in toronto, i probably wouldn't be going there at all.
I love pneumatos, but a part of me always wish i was somewhere else. That irks me.

O Lord please forgive this malcontent

o dilemma

o dilemma. why dost thou art makest me confuseth?

Me thinks me schedule this year is over fortunate: 10 hours of class this term?
Bullocks.

Thus Gendi goeth on a quest for another course.
Bloody, me torn.
Wherefore UT offer so many courses?

Before, me felt very frustrated

now, no more

(i am going to stop speaking in medieval/english/bs language)

(did that make ANY sense? haha)

first day of school

Today is the first day of school, and it's raining
even the weather's agreeing with UT people today
together, we are weeping

Actually it's not that bad..

So this morning because i had to get to school by 9, i woke up at 6:45 to get ready to take the 7:30 bus. I looked outside once i woke up and realized that it was raining, so i thought, "hm...perhaps i should wear flip flops so i won't get my shoes dirty"
...I never cease to amaze myself of how stupid i could be sometimes...
Walking to the bus stop usually takes 15 minutes, and today it took like 25 because i was walking super duper slow trying not to get my feet wet...and i got my feet wet...
When i got on the bus, there were bits and pieces of dirt stuck around my toes and ankles, not a pleasant sight, i must say.
On top of my narstay exposed flip flop feet: a) i was holding a plastic bag with black handles which got my hands all black b) the bus was packed so i had to stand HOLDING the heavy plastic bag AND the backpack AND standing next to people with BO c) the place where i was standing was dripping water from the ceiling d) rain=traffic=1.25 hr bus ride=1.25 hr standing=ging cham

Once i got to school, i went to line up for a gym locker, got it, and darted straight towards the changeroom and took a shower+ dropped off heavy plastic bag.
Now i am burdenless and clean, sitting at the library, updating my blog. ahh what a nice feeling
GLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

This was my first day of school, what a fun and joyous day.


p.s. yesterday i had a fun night...bbt...playing mafia, memories o memories =)
same as dinner with shirley, but she's not reading this, so..meh

don't say a word

One of my pet peeve is when guys check out girls in VERRY obvious ways...for example on friday night, i went out to BBT with rox b et henry, and there was this waitress that was wearing this v. short skirt... In front of us was a table with 4 guys, and as the waitress was walking towards us to take our orders, she passed by that male table and all the guys just...twisted their head a complete 180 as she was walked by, their eyes set firmly on the fanny (aka arse)
I was so annoyed...
I also get really annoyed when people say the word "t*t"

Maybe it's PMS
because i've certainly been having a lot of temper tandrums lately
*roar*

oochie wa wa

Today after lunch, my tooth started to ache and it became progressively painful.
At first it hurted a little bit, and then my eyeslids started to swell, head started to hurt and my tooth ached like a madman. I was on the verge of tears and i felt so dizzy and painful.

thank God for advil

i got better afterwards and managed to eat a cookie moo ha ha

Reality's starting to kick in...school's starting so soon for me. Everybody's telling me they'll be moving out this week or the beginning of next. I'm feeling a little sad because i'm going to miss all the people i had fun with this summer. I don't mind going back to school, because it's been quite a long time since i felt like my life's on track and disciplined. Frankly it's probably a good thing because it's been too long since i've written with my hands haha and i don't know...doing productive stuff...intellectually speaking.
These four months of summer seemed so long yet so short, it's all good, it's all good.

Since i don't have any "move out" worries, next week i have to (school-wise) :
1) buy textbooks
2) rent a locker at the gym
3) finish osap applications
4) have my last bit of fun woo hoo!

p.s. i wonder if my background music is playing?

sorry mama

thanks to abby, i cleaned my room

now the books in my room stand up vertically (before i just stacked them up), all the laundry from a month ago are folded up and hung in my closet, i wiped my mirror and stuffed two boxes in my closet too..now my room looks a litlte bit more roomy

HOW DID I GET SO MANY THINGS?

why didn't i throw out some crap? I felt a little nostalgic from cleaning today.... nostalgic of when i was moving out of lockrdige...because today i had the same difficulty as before..in throwing crap away. I always contemplated whether i should chuck them or keep them. Finally i'd end up keeping stuff and it just piles up and becomes dirt's best friend. Today i decided to pretend to be blind and threw some "o-i-might-find-the-occasion-to-use-this-thing-some-day-...-maybe-..." iffy things away. (hurray)

All the while i was cleaning out my closet (sorry mama) and room, i was listening to chinese songs....like joey (why?), cookies, jay chou, and DEEEP ng (what kind of name is 'Deep'?)....
Some of their songs...just..so UGH...canto pop is just...so cheesy
but i'm liking the new jay chou songs...and one of joey's song..and a few of leo ku's songs

Sorry rox about today
i don't like it when i don't have the car, but i'm still grateful that at least we have a car

School's starting soon, i better start thinking about textbooks and returning to my "study-your-ass-off" mode because i'm currently in the "i-just-want-to-have-fun-screw-school" mode

o so blue

Feeling a little depressed...softball season is over
this season has been by far the most amazing season out of all the years i've played
yay for softballllllllll

plans for this week?:
softball on wednesday (...haha more)
movie marathon with rox thursday
"bourne identity" with pneumatos people some time this week

cheers, soldiers 1.

So close, yet so far

So the other day I was looking for the alcohol to wipe my ears. I usually left it on my desk, so i looked around but couldn't find it. I walked to the bathroom and looked all over, and still, no luck.
I got a little frustrated, where is my alcohol? i thought...I decided to go back to my room again, i was SO sure it was on the table, i left it there after i used it last time. I frantically opened up all my drawers, shuffling through the useless papers, pens, blah. but still, it WASN'T THERE!

i took a second trip to the bathroom, in hopes that my eyes had missed that bottle before. To my surprise, it wasn't there. So i gave up, went back to my room and thought ok whatever, just when that idea floated in my head, there it was, sitting on my desk, where i originally thought it was...

It had been there all along.
How could i have been so careless?

moral of the story:
1) look carefully
2) look even more carefully

----------------

i need a change
change in my habits, attitude, outlook..renewal of the mind
Romans 12:2
"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is." (NLT)
"Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." (MSG)

"Instead, there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes." -Eph 4:23 (NLT)

by golly i've got joy like a fountain

I just got back from a fellowship meeting (mcbc), and just sitting in that meeting room made me feel a sense of nostalgia..of carmel, of high school, of old days...


This year has been a trying year for me, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and most of all, spiritually. THe transition from high school to university, moving to a different house, and attending a different church has made me become really insecure about myself and pretty much everything.
From struggling with grades at school, to trying to keep up with devos...i feel like i've failed everything. Sometimes I feel so unworthy, so useless, so...ugly, so...naked. Like i'm stripped away of a lot of things that i once held dear...
For a while I was lonely at school and church because i didn't have many friends, it was after a long adjusting period that i learned to find solace in being alone. I didn't have anybody to turn to for support spiritually and it was so difficult for me to grow close to God.
It was a weird feeling, because i wasn't like depressed or anything, i just felt really loser-ish in the spiritual department, but as the "famous saying" goes (something of the like) "spiritual problem is the root of all problems"...i guess it's because of that, everything else just crumbled- i didn't put God as priority and started to occupy myself with other stuff
i'm so grateful for friends through this time...they really kept me sane throughout this transition period
special thanks to abby...you've really stuck with me through a lot of thick and thin....going to UTCCF with me...coming to visit me...breakfasts..lunches at UT...eating indian dessert at york...everyting man
it actully wasn't that bad though, i guess this year has been good because of all the cool changes, but i just needed enough time to adjust and adapt to all the different things

anyway...my point is, things are starting to look/brighten/rox (courtesy of rox and mike) up now, because i'm pretty settled in my new house (...ignoring the numerous boxes still in my room...waiting to be unpacked, and the garage that is so packed with unused furniture that we can't park our car in..and..etc), i passed first year (with my...pretty half arssed efforts), and i'm starting to know more people at church/fellowship! All the odd "what-the-heck-is-happening?" pieces of puzzles seem to be fitting together now...i'm getting back on track!

i still haven't gotten to my point yet though.
The reason why i'm writing this is because i'm SUPER HAPPY! I just got back from a fellowship meeting..planning for next year's fellowship, and i'm part of the commitee. I"m starting to be more involved in church, and i've been CRAVINGG to serve for a whole year! CRAAVVING to go to fellowship consistenly for a whole year!
I'm so happy that i could serve God, and a tight knit of brothers and sisters to serve with...darn i'm just so happy gee by golly..he truly answers prayers =)

So looking forward to next year's Pneumatos